Poison and Wine
by Frayed One
Summary: Book Three of a larger piece entitled "Varric Tethras' One True Epic": with the Blight behind her, Elissa struggles to reconcile who she was with who she is becoming and finds herself torn between her first love and her King. Nathaniel/Cousland/Alistair
1. Chapter 1: First Night in Purgatory

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N: **Welcome to Book Three! (For those of you following the full tale, there are two previous pieces that may make much of this easier to understand - though, I suppose they aren't really "required" as such - but, feel free to read them if you wish!) _

_Muse tune: Lost in Paradise by Evanescence_

_Thanks to my Lady Beta, **artemiskat** for cranking this one out so I could get it posted tonight!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter One: First Night in Purgatory<strong>_

The knight had fallen silent on the last few miles of their journey into Vigil's Keep, and Elissa found herself wishing for the woman's voice and persistent lines of inappropriate questions with regard to the King if only to distract her from the turmoil within her own mind.

The grounds were devoid of activity when they reached the stable at the edge of the exterior walls, and Elissa was mildly concerned about the lack of any sort of guard activity – though they _had_ arrived much later than she'd originally intended.

"I can stable your horse for you if you like, Commander." Mhairi offered, reaching over to take the reins from Elissa's fingers as she drifted through the corridors of the dusty stalls.

It felt like she was walking through a waking dream. Everywhere she looked was a memory – and not all of them were pleasant, she thought, looking into the dark stall where Thomas Howe had very nearly claimed her virginity years ago. An insistent nibbling at her shoulder forced her to turn around, and she found herself face to muzzle with a familiar face she'd never expected to see.

"Nocturne?" Elissa asked, reaching her hands out to stroke the stallion's long dark nose with tentative hands – as though he might disappear once she touched him, "I can't _believe_ Howe kept you…"

She honestly couldn't. Rendon had done a very good job of purging all memory of Nathaniel's very existence from Amaranthine after he left, packing most of his things away in boxes and sending them off to be stored who knew where. It was part of what made it so hard to continue to visit the Keep once he'd left for the Free Marches, in spite of her desire to maintain a friendship with his sister, Delilah. Every time she came there, every time she saw how little of him remained within those walls - it made him seem less and less real. It became more than Elissa could manage, and so she simply stopped coming along when her mother and father would visit. The horse neighed at her softly, pressing against her hands to keep her stroking at his mane as she smiled softly at the memory of the last time she'd ridden him.

"What a beautiful horse!" Mhairi exclaimed, stirring Elissa from her musing and setting her face back to stone lest she give away her warring emotions.

"Yes, he is." Elissa answered, stroking his face one last time before moving them out of the stable and up the short path to the gates of the outer courtyard.

"Is he yours?" Mhairi asked, prodding as usual for answers that Elissa did not wish to give.

"No, he belonged to a… _friend_." Elissa replied, her eyes drawn up suddenly to the flailing form of a man rushing forward out of the exterior courtyard of the Keep. "Though… I suppose, at this point – that _would_ make him mine."

Elissa could _see_ the darkspawn trailing behind him, and so drew her weapons – sensing the young knight do the same – but she could barely read the taint within them… it was faint and distinctly hard to pinpoint, as though it had been purposely disguised. It made it difficult to determine number and power even for her with her amplified abilities.

Other than their unusual blood qualities, they seemed no more than normal drone level darkspawn – and thus were easily dispatched by Elissa, Mhairi and the newly arrived Keep guardsman. The man was absolutely drenched in tainted blood, and emotionally distraught as he continued to bash away at the skull of one of the nearby darkspawn with his mace long after he had stopped showing any signs of life.

"Guardsman." Elissa said, trying to get the man's attention but getting no response. "Guardsman! You can stop now, I assure you – _that_ one is unlikely to ever get up again." She lay a soft hand on his arm, turning him to face her slowly.

"It's you!" the guardsman said, eyes going wide in surprise as he found her face within the shadows of her hood. "The Hero of Ferelden! Oh, thank the Maker!"

"It's Elissa, _just_ Elissa… or Warden-Commander if you insist on giving me a title." Elissa replied, making a mental note to throttle Alistair when next she saw him for ever coming up with that stupid name.

"Y-Yes, Commander." the man replied, clearly uncomfortable with using something as casual as her first name when addressing her.

"Can you tell me where the other Wardens are?" Elissa asked, reaching out through her tainted blood and finding nothing but the faint footprints of these odd darkspawn. "I saw no guards or activity of any kind on our approach, which seems odd even at this late hour."

"There was someone right behind me a ways back," the guardsman explained, looking over his shoulder and back up into the outer courtyard. "He might have been a Warden, but I don't know… I-I heard screams and saw the people dying so I got out as fast as I could… b-but then I ran into these…"

"There are more spawn inside?" Elissa gasped, trying to keep the shaken man on track long enough to pry any useful information out of him that she could. "Have you any idea how many we're up against?"

"I don't know… hundreds maybe? I heard one of the Wardens saying they could barely sense them until it was too late… b-by then they were everywhere." the man explained, beginning to shiver as the light drizzle they'd arrived in turned into a full out rain.

"I need you to do something for me, guardsman… I'm sorry, I never got your name." Elissa said, trying to be as kind and encouraging as she could considering his fragile state.

"A-Aaron, Commander, it's Aaron." the man replied, starting to shiver harder in his light armor.

"Alright, Aaron, first – take this…" Elissa said, pulling loose her cloak and handing it over to the shaking man.

"B-but Commander, you'll have nothing to shield yourself from the rain… perhaps we can search in the stables for a blanket or something…" Mhairi insisted, eliciting a glare from Elissa in response to the suggestion that they should give the poor man a horse blanket.

"I'll be _fine_, Mhairi." Elissa hissed, wrapping the cloak around the man and fastening it at his neck. "Aaron here needs this far more than I, and Wade's armor is a great deal warmer than you'd imagine to look at it." Once she was done fastening the cloak, she patted the man's shoulders reassuringly and felt his shivering start to abate. "There! Much better. Now – I need you to go into the stables and take the horse in the back rear stall."

"Commander that's your…" Mhairi started in, _again_.

"Yes, Mhairi – I _know_ that's my horse…" Elissa replied, glaring her into silence before turning back to the man and sighing and then finishing her request. "Take my horse and ride for Amaranthine as fast as you can. Rouse any guardsman you can manage, patrols along the way, bandits… _I don't care_ – just get people back here to help us as quickly as possible. Do you think you can manage that?"

"Yes ma'am, I'll not let you down." Aaron said with a nod, smiling as he took off running for the stables.

Elissa watched him go for a moment, hoping that he would make it there safely. She was having a difficult time tracing the taint in any particular direction so there was no way she could determine if all of the darkspawn lay within the keep or if they had swarmed into the road behind them as well.

"Darkspawn launching a sneak attack… that takes thought, planning, actual… _skill_." Elissa muttered, mostly to herself though she did not pitch it low enough for the knight not to hear as she moved them slowly toward the open gates of the Keep's outer courtyard. "It's unheard of."

"Then what the guard said is right? You can't sense them either?" Mhairi asked, and Elissa could hear the fear in her voice at the thought that they would face a possible hundred strong army of the creatures at a substantial disadvantage.

"No, I _can_… but it's different than it should be, faint… almost like it's being hidden…" Elissa tried to explain, watching the woman's brow knit in confusion and not blaming her for the reaction - she'd looked at Alistair the same way once when he'd tried to explain _without_ explaining. "It's difficult to describe to someone who doesn't know what it feels like in the first place. I'm sorry if I'm not doing a very good job."

"It's alright." Mhairi replied, sidling up to her where she leaned to peak through a gap in the outer fencing – counting the darkspawn lingering there in the courtyard. "I suspect if we make it through this, I'll know the feeling all too well soon enough."

"That you will." Elissa said, a quick low laugh offered in the near silence as they watched at least four drones and an ogre pacing about just inside the first set of gates. "This isn't a Blight… I don't understand how they can still be so organized…"

"You don't think there is another Archdemon _already_?" Mhairi gasped, eyes wide with fear at the very idea they could be facing another Blight less than a year after they'd ended the last one.

"No, if there was an Archdemon I'd know it…" Elissa said, realizing she was being cryptic but knowing she could reveal nothing else unless Mhairi survived her Joining and gained access to the full secrets of the Wardens. "But… _something_ is leading them, that much is apparent – which is an equally - if not **more** - frightening thought."

She watched a little longer, tracking the patterns of the darkspawn moving inside long enough to learn their routines and formulate a battle strategy.

"Alright, it looks as though there are at least six drones and an ogre just inside those gates, pull the drones to you and I'll deal with the ogre." Elissa instructed, shifting in through the gate with the knight trailing behind her.

They battled through the outer courtyard, collecting the few guardsman who had managed to survive and dragging them along up the stairs to the secondary gates.

"Do you hear that?" Mhairi asked, and Elissa nodded – recognizing the unique hiss of a channeled spell being cast just beyond the closed gates.

"Get down!" Elissa yelled, watching the surviving guards scatter as she shoved Mhairi off to the side, barely managing to roll behind her quickly enough to avoid the main shower of splintering wood and flame that rained down upon them.

When she managed to get back to her feet, her ears were ringing from the impact and it took her eyes a second to focus on the Genlock Emissary standing at the rear of the group, grinning at them and starting to channel another massive fireball.

She rushed forward, knocking him to the ground with a shoulder tackle to his midsection that interrupted his cast and then silencing him permanently with a sword through the skull, as the guardsmen and Mhairi finished off the scattered Hurlocks that had accompanied him.

The upper level of the Keep's outer courtyard was much the same as the lower, swarmed with several groups of drones and a small handful of guards who were struggling to survive. They gathered up the new men, and dragged them along – finding a small group of servants, merchants and guardsmen that had already barricaded themselves inside one of the guard towers.

Many of the men were tainted and would not recover, but Elissa had no time to deal with that now. She and Mhairi helped the men to fortify the tower as best they could, giving instructions that they should remain there and admit any other survivors they sent back until the main Keep had been secured.

* * *

><p>Elissa wasn't sure what she had expected to find when she rushed up the stairs into the interior courtyard of Vigil's Keep, but she was greeted with a sight much similar to the lower floors of the Tower of Ishal back in Ostagar. Bits of bodies were stacked in towering piles all about them - skinned, mangled, eaten... blood ran thick and slippery on the floors.<p>

"Unbelievable!" Mhairi gasped, edging slowly into the room – overwhelmed by the carnage around them. "The whole Keep appears overwhelmed!"

"I'll admit, the odds of us finding the Keep proper brimming with people that've no idea what's going on out here seems… _unlikely_…" Elissa replied, kneeling down to inspect a few of the bodies and noting there were no Wardens among them.

"For the darkspawn to have ambushed the Keep so effectively… I had no idea…" Mhairi said, continuing to mumble before turning her wide eyes back to Elissa as though she had some answers. "A-are they even capable of such a thing?"

"If you'd asked me that a week ago, I'd have said no…" Elissa said, standing with a shrug and jogging up the stairs to the door that would lead to the raised area where the portcullis lever was stationed and kneeling down to inspect the lock when it wouldn't budge. "Now… all I can tell you is that, yes… it appears they _are_ capable." She pulled her lock picks out of her hair, seeing Mhairi take up rear guard behind her as she worked the lock, punching the wood in frustration when it proved unpickable. "It's jammed, or broken… either way we're not going through there. We'll have to go in on the other side and work our way around."

Mhairi led the way up the stairs on the other side, and Elissa caught sight of something blurring in the periphery of her left eye just as she reached the door - shoving the last of her lock-picks into her hair.

"Cover your ears!" Elissa yelled, putting her hands up quickly and watching Mhairi do the same just before five shrieks – one an Alpha – popped into view around them.

"Ach… what an _awful_ noise!" Mhairi complained, slamming one to the ground with her shield then running it through with her sword.

"Yeah, hurts the ears _and_ stuns if you're particularly unlucky…" Elissa explained, slicing through a Shriek in front of and behind her as she spun with her blades. "Found that one out the hard way in the deep roads. One of my companions swears he _still_ gets headaches from that swarm."

The two women shared a small laugh as they finished off the remaining Shrieks before pressing into the next room.

* * *

><p>Elissa staggered back once inside, holding an arm up to brace against the wave of heat that hit them as soon as they opened the door. She could make out the vague silhouette of a man through her squinted eyes, clearly a mage from the great blast of flame pouring out of his fingertips and the rather large ornamental staff on his back. He stopped casting when the darkspawn in front of him creaked and fell dead, joining an alarmingly large pile of both spawn and Templar bodies already covering the ground at his feet.<p>

"I… uh… _didn't_ do it…" the man chuckled, wrinkling his brow and tucking his hands behind his back sheepishly after shaking the residual heat away from his fingers. "Well… I didn't kill the _Templars_, at any rate… these darkspawn…" He kicked at one of the corpses with the toe of his boot. "I'll gladly claim those."

"You don't seem all that upset about the Templars being dead, for someone who _didn't_ do it…" Elissa noted, sheathing her blades and moving a bit closer to the man – noting that Mhairi remained in a defensive posture behind her – clearly unsettled to be this close to someone unsupervised using magic.

"Oh, I'm _terribly_ broken up about them dying…" the mage drawled, rolling his eyes and tilting his head toward one of the bloody Templar bodies as he folded his arms across his chest – drawing Elissa's eyes to his exposed biceps… no mage she had ever known had been built like that. "Biff there made the funniest gurgle when he went down."

"It's nice to see that humor is helping you to properly manage your grief…" Elissa deadpanned, trying not to laugh as she wondered whether or not Biff had been the man's actual name.

"Oh, I know… I know… **most** people certainly must enjoy a good kick in the head to start out the day…" the mage continued, stepping over the bodies as he made his way over to them. "Me, I'm just _so_ picky…" He reached out and took Elissa's hand, laying a lingering kiss on her knuckles with a grin. "You may call me Anders, my dear lady. I am a mage – as you probably know by now, and sadly, a wanted apostate."

"Anders… _Anders_… why does that name sound so familiar?" Elissa muttered, tapping at her bottom lip and attempting to ignore Mhairi's diatribe about why apostates would be at Vigil's Keep. "Oh! I remember now! I traveled with a friend of yours awhile back – briefly – elven fellow named Finn, always fretting about keeping his robes clean."

"Ah, Finn… I remember him. Haven't seen him in years. He_ was_ a bit of a neat freak." Anders chuckled, finally releasing her hand and looking her over properly – wondering what sort of woman would be traveling about with random Circle mages. "_You_ weren't here when we arrived. I'm certain I would have remembered a woman as lovely as yourself."

"What is it about blonde men with earrings that makes them unconscionable flirts?" Elissa chuckled, smirking at the cheeky mage who only shrugged in response. "Regardless… I don't care what you _were_ before I walked through that door, I only care what you can do for me now. Outside of that, if you aren't a darkspawn, you're free to go if you have nothing to contribute."

"Pretty **and** pragmatic… a _striking_ combination…" Anders smirked, drumming his fingers against his arm and looking as though he was mulling over his options.

"Come or don't come – the choice is yours." Elissa said, shrugging and releasing her swords as she started to walk to the other door. "I've bigger problems than a single apostate run amok and little time to wait while you debate your options. I think our chances are better together than apart, but…"

"I suppose I _could_ help you with the rest of these darkspawn…" came the mage's voice from behind her – she'd baited him, and he'd taken it just like she knew he would – though she tried to hide her smile when she turned back to look at him over her shoulder. "I'm no Grey Warden, but I can't say I'm too fond of them. So… what say we deal with _them_ now, and we can talk about what comes after… _after_?"

"Well, come along then." Elissa snipped, doing her best to look like a stern matronly type though the twinkle in the mage's eye showed he wasn't buying it.

"Are you _sure_ about this, Commander?" Mhairi asked, her voice an intentionally audible whisper as she explained her disapproval moving through the door behind Anders and Elissa.

"If there's one thing I learned during the Blight, it's take your allies as you find them. If I'd second guessed everyone I came across who turned out to be valuable to me in the end – we'd likely all be lost to the horde by now." Elissa explained, trying her best to be patient and remembering a time when Alistair had been equally upset with the idea of traveling with unchecked mages.

* * *

><p>In the next room they found a lone servant, weaponless and badly bleeding as he cowered in the back corner where he was menaced by a group of three large Hurlocks.<p>

"Well _that_ seems a bit unfair," Anders muttered as they made their way up the small staircase to the area where the group stood. "He hasn't even got a proper weapon."

He tossed a cone of intensely cold spray in the Hurlock's direction and Elissa watched their motion slow and eventually come to a complete stop. She walked up to one, moving a tentative finger forward to flick at its nose and hearing a tiny_ tink, tink_ sound from her fingernail against the ice.

"Interesting…" she said, raising an eyebrow at the mage as Mhairi tried to calm the terrified servant trembling against the back wall. "How long do you suppose they'll stay like that?"

"The longest I've ever seen is about ten minutes, with vigorous reapplication…" Anders replied, smiling at her interest in and approval of his skills, "But you haven't even _seen_ the best part. Go ahead, take a proper swing at one – or simply tap it good and hard on the head with the hilt of your blade."

Elissa lifted up her sword over one Hurlock's head, meeting the mage's eyes quizzically for a moment – but then bringing it down hard at his nod. As soon as the blade met the frozen top of its head, the entire body shattered into pieces scattering across the floor like large chunks of snow.

"Blimey but that's cool!" Elissa said, shattering the second darkspawn with a spinning kick to its midsection and watching it explode as well. "You… I _like_ you…" she said, pointing a finger at Anders who beamed at the praise before going over to treat the servant's wounds and send him off to find the survivors Elissa had stashed away in the guardhouse.

Elissa paced restlessly. She could still sense no Warden presence within the Keep and the gauge she had on the number of darkspawn was mediocre at best. She had also noted that they'd still encountered no Warden bodies among the numerous corpses, which - added together - gave her an ever-increasing sensation of unrest.

"Where to, oh fearless leader?" Anders asked, walking closer to where Elissa paced.

Most of her face stayed concealed within the shadows of her cowl, but he'd seen and heard enough already to know he was interested – though, to be totally honest, all Anders really required to be _interested_ at this point was a general tolerance for magic users and enough alcohol not to care about the other stuff. In his mind, she was already half way to perfection.

"We're going to need to head up to the ramparts and then cross to the other side so that we can get to the controls for the portcullis that bars our passage into the keep proper." Elissa explained, continuing to pace as she pressed out to the edge of her Warden abilities to sense what was up there waiting for them.

"And… _what_?" Anders asked, looking at the two doorways they had to choose from. "You don't know which way will take us there?"

"No, that's not a problem." Elissa chuckled, realizing no one with her now actually _knew_ her history with the place and thankful for the lack of **that** distraction. "The door we need is right here."

"Well… what then? Don't tell me… you want to take a moment with a certain handsome apostate in that closet over there…" Anders said, watching her green eyes flash up at his mischievously as she tried very hard to pretend she didn't want to laugh.

"Tempting… but, no. What _is_ it with mages and closets?" Elissa laughed, thinking back on the time that she'd found Godwin hiding in a cupboard during the whole debacle at the Circle Tower. "I'm trying to get a read on what's up there before we go charging in but… it's difficult. These darkspawn are _different_ than those I'm used to."

"Different _how_ exactly?" Anders asked, genuinely curious as she seemed intently focused on tracking whatever was above them – holding her hand out to press it flat against the wood grain of the door and closing her eyes to more easily direct her energy.

"It would be hard to explain it to you even if I could. Sadly – the Wardens aren't the sharing type when it comes to trade secrets… kind of a hush-hush lot we are." Elissa said, winking at him as she pressed open the door to the stairs and breezed past him. "But… I tell you what, my pretty little mage, if we survive this and get to the part where we talk about what comes _later_, perhaps I will get to explain it after all."

"Challenge accepted!" Anders replied, beaming as he bounded up the stairs behind her - listening to the disapproving sigh from Mhairi who brought up the rear.

* * *

><p>Elissa's read had been <strong>all<strong> wrong, and it nearly cost the small group dearly when they found themselves surrounded by a large group of drones and one Alpha Emissary on the narrow rampart wall. The rain streamed down, soaking everything and making it even harder to see what was going on.

Elissa spent all of her time focusing on the Emissary, knowing that just his ability to cast made him a priority even when you put the whole Alpha status aside. She'd just assumed that it would make him an equally important target for everyone else, so spoiled by having fought alongside her former companions for so long they all knew exactly what she wanted without her ever having to ask – but, Mhairi seemed content to completely ignore the ugly little brute in favor of the little peon grunts who shouldn't have taken up as much of her time as they were anyway.

She tried not to get frustrated, reminding herself Mhairi was new to this and she'd only met Anders a few moments before – but found herself seething by the time she managed to finish off the Emissary, thanks to a particularly well placed Glyph of Paralysis she reminded herself to thank the mage for later.

She knew better than to unleash her temper now, the fighting and the unease that came with being thrown into a situation with which she was uncertain where she should have been in charge had woken the beast that lived within her and she struggled to keep it under control until she could find a way to discretely take one of the potions Avernus had given to her.

She found the perfect moment on the way down the stairs, drifting to the back of the group just long enough to toss one back and willing it to do its job and quickly before she snapped off the pretty little knight's head for no reason other than testing her patience.

"Well, there's your lever." Anders pointed out, smirking at her.

"What, you aren't going to pull it?" Elissa asked, rolling her eyes that he'd actually stand there and wait for her or Mhairi to do the heavy lifting.

"Was that an invitation, my Lady?" Anders snickered, silencing quickly when both of his female companions glared over at him before Elissa grabbed and tugged the rusted switch roughly to the side.

The portcullis ratcheted up slowly, the old mechanisms inside it working hard against the long period of disuse between that moment and whenever Rendon Howe had last used them. Elissa began to stroll toward the door they'd tried to enter from the other side when she caught the movement and sound of a large pack of darkspawn rushing forward from inside of the Keep toward them.

"Watch yourselves!" Elissa cried out, pulling loose her swords and watching her companions ready themselves as the Emissary leading the group on the floor began to channel some sort of spell.

She prepared to toss herself over the side, hesitating when a lone dwarf appeared from the doorway on the opposite landing, yelling a profanity laced taunt down at the darkspawn and drawing their attention just long enough to set off whatever explosives he had planted down in the entry way.

The blast was **massive** and the shock wave sent all of them to the floor, Mhairi scurrying over to try to help protect Elissa's head from falling bits of the walls and darkspawn with her shield. They pulled themselves up slowly afterward, ears ringing from the echo of the blast.

"**Well, I suppose that's one way to deal with them**." Elissa yelled, poking her fingers about in her ears and trying to get the ringing to stop as she looked down and noted not a single darkspawn had survived the blast. There was no sign of the dwarf either, and Elissa wondered if he'd managed to survive himself, as she made her way to the door that would lead them down the stairs and up into the Keep proper.

"**Looks like they tried to bar the door.**" Mhairi yelled, all of them struggling to hear each other over the ringing, until Anders cast something that seemed to fix it.

"**What**?" Elissa yelled, covering her mouth and chuckling when she realized she was still yelling and didn't need to. "What was that?"

"Uh-uh." Anders said, shaking his head as he helped them clear the tables and chairs away that had been blocking the door. "You have your secrets, I have mine. Perhaps, as you said, we will trade them later."

Elissa laughed, popping down the stairs at a decent pace and hoping that they would keep up with her. She could sense something in the entry room ahead but, just like before, could make little sense of the patterns in it. The not knowing made her nerves all twitchy and she didn't like it. It pressed her to move faster to find an answer or a solution – and she found herself wishing that Alistair were there to help her to puzzle through it.

"Emissary!" Elissa yelled as they burst through the doors and found themselves facing six drones and the single caster.

She pointed this time, in her mind clearly designating it as the primary target, but – once again – Mhairi ignored the directive and started to engage the closest drones as she entered the room. This left Anders wasting his mana healing _all_ of them when Mhairi would lose one that would run over to smack at him, or she would get overwhelmed by drawing the full force of the drones down upon her when she was unprepared.

Luckily, Elissa was well versed in fighting enough at this point to avoid taking very many blows of her own so _she_ did not add to Anders' difficulties – though, she did find herself spending half of her time tossing distracting blows at whatever had gone after him in the hopes that perhaps she could kill it quickly and get Mhairi refocused on the _actual_ target faster.

When they finished off the group, Anders needed a moment to recuperate and consume a couple of lyrium potions – which Elissa gladly gave him.

They found another member of the surviving Vigil staff in the next room, blocking the vicious blows of two Hurlocks and another Emissary with what appeared to be the lid of a wooden crate.

"Mhairi, take out the Emissary first!" Elissa instructed, certain that this time she had been perfectly clear with what she wanted – but watching as the knight stopped and smacked at the two Hurlocks first – the action giving the Emissary just enough time to cast a paralysis spell on Elissa.

As she dangled there in the air, spine wrenched backward painfully and unable to move, she counted all of the ways that she'd like to inflict bodily harm on the woman once she got free from the spell. When she hit the ground again – she hit it running, venting all of her fury on the unsuspecting Emissary who'd turned his back to her after catching her in the spell.

She landed on it hard, her body weight knocking it to the ground and she used the momentum of the motion to pop its head off against her blade. The action sprayed a great gush of blood forward against Mhairi's shins, and she jumped out of the way looking both disgusted and fearful as a panting and furious Elissa stood to face her.

"Did you not _hear_ me _specifically_ say to take out the Emissary first?" Elissa asked, wiping off her dripping bloody blades and sheathing them just to stay her hand from striking out against the woman in her fury.

"I-I did but… I only thought that I should disable the other two before they could harm the servant." Mhairi muttered, uncertain what to do in the face of this.

"You're lucky all he got off on me was a paralysis spell. Emissaries are dirty little bastards with all sorts of nasty tricks in their arsenals." Elissa continued, crossing her arms and glaring at the woman – watching the motion of Anders tending to the survivor out of the corner of her eye. "When I give you an order, you follow it – regardless of what _you_ might think is the better option."

"I-I'm sorry, Commander… I didn't think…" Mhairi replied, swallowing hard.

"You didn't, and that's a problem. This is no test, no training exercise with a safe word should you get in over your head. These things **can** and **will** kill you if given the chance." Elissa lectured, pacing in her frustration and watching both Anders and Mhairi watch her in trepidation – having long since sent the poor servant on his way. "General rule of thumb, for future reference, casters are **always** priority."

"So, you think magic is dangerous?" Anders asked, his own temper peaked in response to her behavior. She'd seemed so open to him before.

"Magic _is_ dangerous, Anders – it's the user that makes the difference." Elissa explained, realizing how she'd sounded. "Look… I'm sorry for yelling, and we can argue magic theory and the proper treatment of mages until the cows come home, once we've cleared the Keep… but I need to make this point very clear for now… so are we good?"

She looked from one to the other, nodding when she was confident they had accepted her capitulations and her orders for the moment, then pressing forward into the next room.

* * *

><p>They rescued another survivor in a lengthy battle with an Alpha Emissary and an Alpha Hurlock, which went <em>much<em> better than Elissa had anticipated now that all of them were on the same page in the whole "take the caster down first" directive, then made their way forward to the large central chamber of the Keep's labyrinthine entry way. Elissa stopped them just outside the door, the noise alone making it clear there was a great battle of some sort going on inside.

"Is it another Warden?" Mhairi asked, creeping closer to the door with Anders to try and hear what was going on inside.

"If it is I can't sense them." Elissa replied, preparing to kick it open. "Ready?"

With their nods she busted open the door, charging through to find a swarm of darkspawn trampling across a slew of fallen drone bodies, beat down on a lone dwarf. Elissa laughed out loud when the familiar red head popped over the balcony for a brief second and tossed a wave in her direction – feeling at ease for the first time since she'd arrived.

Once the rest of the bodies had fallen, Elissa crossed her arms and looked up at the smiling dwarf who leaned across the balcony to look down at them.

"It's about time you showed yourself!" Oghren quipped, unable to hide the joy in his voice at seeing his old friend once again. "When these critters showed up I told them _just you wait 'til the Commander shows up and you'll all be spittin' teeth out your arses!_" Elissa and Anders erupted into laughter at that though Mhairi simply glared in disapproval. "Followed the screaming trail of blood and guts, and sure enough, here ya are!"

"Oghren, you old dog! I can't believe you're here!" Elissa replied, her laughter trailing off as she looked up at him with genuine affection.

"Doubting your eyes, huh? I get like that after the fifth bottle or so…" the dwarf chuckled, taking a pull from his flask and offering it to her – which she accepted with a grateful smile. "I came here thinking I might look you up, try my hand at becoming a bona fide Grey Warden."

"He was here when I left." Mhairi whispered to Elissa, clearly not picking up on the vibe that should have made it blatantly obvious that not only did her Commander _know_ this dwarf, he was a good friend. "I can't _believe_ the other Wardens didn't kick him out."

"Hey! Look! It's the recruit with the great rack and not much else going for her!" Oghren snipped, causing Elissa to snort a bit of alcohol as he echoed, almost exactly, her earlier lament on the knight to her brother.

"Yes, a _prize_ for the Wardens to be sure…" Mhairi replied, rolling her eyes.

"I know, I know… I'm too good to be true, right?" Oghren replied, sharing a wink with Elissa and patting himself on the chest. "Hey… where'd you find a mage? Is he your boyfriend chesty? Should I leave you two alone?"

"Oghren…" Elissa warned, though her smile wasn't _too_ disciplinary as she climbed the stairs to hand over his flask, knight and mage in tow.

"Wow… a dwarf that smells like a brewery…" Anders said, waving a hand in front of his face as he got within range of Oghren whom, Elissa admitted, was very drunk. "You never see that anywhere."

"Huh. A mage comedian…" Oghren retorted, not missing a beat. "I thought those normally died young."

"It _is_ good to see you again, old friend." Elissa said, dipping down to plant a kiss right smack in the middle of his forehead – which he wiped away in feigned irritation a moment later.

"I find that hard to believe…" Anders muttered to Mhairi, watching the joking pair in front of him.

"As do I…" Mhairi replied, agreeing with the mage for the first time since they'd met.

"So, what'd the old pike-twirler have to do to get'cha here?" Oghren asked as they walked along the hallway that would lead them to the next part of the Keep.

"Pike-twirler?" Anders asked from behind them.

"You don't want to know…" Elissa assured him, patting Oghren's shoulder to silence him as he started to explain. "And, to answer _your_ question, Alistair didn't do anything… it was more of an explicit and vaguely threatening directive from the First Warden."

"Wait, wait, wait… Alistair as in **King** Alistair?" Anders asked, feeling as though he'd missed part of the conversation somehow.

"That would be the one." Elissa replied, laughing lightly.

"So you actually **know** the King?" Anders asked, unable to wrap his mind around it.

"You could say that." Elissa chuckled, continuing to be cryptic – watching Oghren start to open his mouth and silencing him with a glare. "Not a _word_, dwarf!"

"I'm missing something, aren't I?" Anders asked, feeling like he was the only one in the room that didn't get the joke.

"She's to be the _Queen_ you idiot." Mhairi hissed, glaring at him and hoping he felt appropriately bad for having flirted so much now.

"Riiiiight. The bloody _Queen_ of Ferelden is down here fighting in the trenches with a bunch of nobodies!" Anders snorted, shaking his head.

Mhairi started to respond, but stopped when a fallen figure at the bend in the hall caught her attention – sending her brushing past Elissa and Oghren to drop on her knees at the man's side.

"Rowland!" the knight yelled, leaning forward to inspect the vicious gash across the man's midsection as the others fell in behind her – Elissa kneeling down at the man's other side.

"Mhairi?" the man muttered, trying hard to focus on the faces in front of him.

"Commander! Rowland was a knight recruited from the King's service in Denerim just like me…" Mhairi explained, moving back to give Elissa time to inspect the man's wound before she waved Anders in to give his opinion. "We _must_ do something for him."

"He's beyond healing magic…" Anders said, shaking his head and backing away when Elissa's nod showed she agreed with the assessment. "Maybe a shot of whatever's in the dwarf's flask for the pain?"

"Stop joking! This isn't funny!" Mhairi yelled, her emotions getting the better of her as tears started to well in her eyes.

"C-commander…" the man sputtered, a fresh bubble of blood dripping down his chin.

"I'm here, Rowland." Elissa said, moving closer and taking both of his hands – pulling his focus onto her. The taint had infected him fully now, he would not last much longer before he died a painful death or worse, turned into a mindless ghoul. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner."

She was sorry, so incredibly sorry. All of these deaths were on her head and she knew it. She'd put off coming here over her own personal fears instead of doing her duty as her father had always taught her to do and now these poor people were paying for her mistake with their lives.

"We only had a moment's warning before they were on us, Commander." the man explained, his eyes bleary and unfocused – swimming with the tendrils of the taint. "The Seneschal ordered a counter-attack, but they came out of nowhere! There's one with them… a d-darkspawn who _talks_… his magic is powerful."

"A talking darkspawn?" Oghren said, drawing Elissa's eyes up to his own and noting the confusion there. "The poor lad must be delirious."

"It took the Seneschal up to the ramparts… I heard it talking about it." Rowland hissed, curling in on himself in anguish. "Augh. There's something in my blood! It hurts!"

Elissa pulled one of her hands loose, reaching to her thigh to unsheathe her dagger.

"What are you doing?" Mhairi hissed, reaching over to stay Elissa's hand with a painfully tight gauntlet at her wrist.

"I'm offering this man a mercy few in his condition are lucky enough to receive." Elissa explained, thinking of the many individuals they had encountered who had suffered similar fates.

"It's okay, Mhairi… I'm not going to get better…" Rowland said, his words enough to have the pretty knight release Elissa's arm, though she glared at her still. "It was an honor to have met you, Commander. I only wish I could have fought at your side just once."

"The honor was mine." Elissa said, smiling softly before she leaned in to draw her blade across the man's throat – allowing him to lean into her shoulder as he pulled in his last choking breath. "I'm clearly not worth knowing."

She sat for a moment, the cooling body leaning on her shoulder as she stared at the bloody wall behind him. She settled him back finally, gently laying his head to the side and giving him the appearance that he was merely sleeping off a drunken night there in the hallway. She punched the wall then, anger and sadness warring for control as she pushed herself to standing once again, sheathing the dagger back at the side of her thigh.

"This isn't your fault." Anders reassured her, reaching over to lay what he thought was a comforting hand on her arm.

Elissa snatched her arm away from him, not even bothering to look back as she stomped off down the hall in search of something on which to vent her frustration.

* * *

><p>By the time the others had caught up to her, Elissa had already barreled ahead down the hall leaving a trail of headless corpses in her wake. Out of the group, only Oghren didn't seem to be phased in the slightest by the vicious silence within which she now carried herself – executing darkspawn after darkspawn with bloody precision.<p>

"Is she… alright?" Anders whispered to the dwarf, pitching his voice low and watching Elissa cautiously in case he needed to run if overheard.

"Are you kidding?" Oghren snorted, tossing his battle-axe back on his shoulder. "Just stay out of the way and keep your mouth closed. All this means is we get wherever we're going in record time."

The dwarf was right, it took very little time and even less effort on the part of everyone but Elissa to have them charging up the stairs that would take them to the battlements where the dying knight had directed them to find the talking darkspawn.

Elissa didn't even bother with stealth or observation, striding angrily toward it as it rattled off some diatribe she couldn't have cared less about to its minions. She vaguely noticed its distinct armor and heard it mutter something about _taking the Warden alive_ before she shoved her blade through its approaching minion and engaged it directly.

Elissa trusted that the drones would be taken care of by her companions, focusing all of her energy and anger in on the speaking darkspawn who was clearly the one calling the shots.

"What sent you?" Elissa hissed, blocking a blow with her crossed swords and shoving it off balance against the edge of the nearby ballista. She'd lost lives, lives of people under her care – under her protection, and **something** was going to answer for it.

"The Withered is telling you nothing, Warden-Commander." the creature cackled, watching Elissa's eyes go slightly wider when it used her proper title though she'd never laid eyes on it before. "Oh yes, we are knowing of you…"

Elissa slammed it back against the wood again, knocking loose its blade and shoving the point of hers through its shoulder right at the joint – twisting it once inside to ensure it was as painful as possible.

"I'll ask you _one_ more time…" Elissa sneered, leaning in close to it – her nose inches from the skeletal remains of what had been its nose. "Then… _off_ with your head."

The creature hissed, reaching up to take the blade in its hands and pulling it further into its body with a grin. Realizing she would get nothing, Elissa made good on her promise – dipping back quickly and slicing her other sword across to remove its head – closing her eyes as the blood sprayed across her face.

When its body fell limp to the ground, she knelt down and tore loose a swatch of purple fabric from its armor – using it to wipe most of the blood from her face and a good bit from her swords before sheathing them and returning to the group.

"Anything?" Oghren said, wondering if the creature had given her any useful information before she'd taken its head.

Elissa shook her head in response, working her way over to where Anders and Mhairi knelt treating the injured Seneschal.

"How's the patient?" Elissa asked, her temper evening out a bit though the muscles flexing in her jaw showed the skittish mage that she was still riding the edge of her tempestuous moods.

"Minor injuries all things considered." Anders replied, meeting her eyes with a half smile as she helped the man to his feet.

"It is an honor to finally meet you, Commander." the Seneschal said, offering her a light bow.

"Why do people _keep_ saying that even though it was my hesitancy to come here that lead to this disaster?" Elissa said, shaking her head.

"Be that as it may…" the man replied, seeing the subtle head shake of the dwarf who stood behind her and the looks in the others' eyes and gleaning enough to know that challenging her on that belief was not a good idea at the moment. "I suspect I at least owe you my life."

"How about you tell me what you know about this mess and these _talking_ darkspawn, and we call it even?" Elissa said, shaking the man's hand and watching him look out over the road where she saw a flash of movement herself. "Looks like that rider we sent came back with someone after all." she noted, watching the rest of the group move in at her sides to get a look.

"Those are the King's banners!" Mhairi gaped, clearing her throat and trying not to look _quite_ so excited when Elissa glared at her.

"Well… best we go say our hellos then…" Elissa replied, popping back down off the edge and leading the group back down to meet them at the stables.


	2. Chapter 2: The King and The Prisoner

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N: **For those of you anxiously awaiting it, here - we finally have, Nathaniel! :) _

_Muse Music: Already Over, Part 2 by Red_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to those who take the time to thoughtfully critique. I appreciate every bit of it :) Thanks to my Lady Beta, **artemiskat**, for the continued support!_

_Happy Reading!_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Two: The King and The Prisoner<strong>_

Elissa stood at the back of the group as they made their way to greet the King's party, which waited just inside the gates to the exterior courtyard. She caught Alistair's eyes through the crowd – crossing her arms over her chest and raising an accusatory eyebrow that assured him both that she remembered he was _supposed_ to be well on his way to the Bannorn, and that he'd hear about it later.

"It looks like I arrived a bit late…" Alistair muttered, not even attempting to hide the smile on his face at seeing her standing there unharmed. "Too bad. I rather miss the whole darkspawn-killing thing."

"King Alistair." Mhairi said, dropping to her knee in front of him, though everyone else around her either didn't know enough to offer such respect to him or simply knew Alistair well enough to know how uncomfortable it made him when people did.

"Ah, y-you again… there…" Alistair stuttered, flustered all over again and listening to Elissa begin to chuckle in the background at the sight of it. Mhairi scrambled back to her feet and backed away to a more appropriate distance before he cleared his throat and continued. "Yes… well… I-I rearranged my travel schedule because I wanted to come and give the Wardens here a proper welcome to their new home. I certainly didn't expect to find this. What's the situation? The man who found us on the road was screeching something about talking darkspawn, but that can't be right."

"What darkspawn remained have fled, Your Majesty." The Seneschal explained when Elissa remained silent in the background, sharing a passing glance here and there with Alistair who tried to stay focused on the main conversation. "The Wardens who had arrived from Orlais appear to be either dead or… missing."

"Missing? As in _taken_ by the darkspawn?" Alistair gasped, eyes wide as he looked to Elissa who nodded in verification. "I didn't know they even did that, unless… they weren't all _women_… were they?" He shared a disgusted look with Elissa and then Oghren who he finally noticed with a smile.

"No, Your Majesty…" the Seneschal replied, looking to him in confusion.

"Well… that's something at least…" Alistair said with a sigh, offering no further explanation as he locked eyes with Elissa and smiled fully - quite ready to move past the pleasantries and greet her properly. "And what about you, my love? Not your blood I'd imagine?" He looked down at her armor and the smudges left on her face with a wink.

"Nothing can take me down…" Elissa chuckled, stepping through the group to stand in front of Alistair at last – comforted by the easily detected pull of his blood and warmth of his hands. "You of all people should know that by now."

"That's right! I'm going to marry an indestructible goddess." Alistair laughed, pulling her in close enough to pop a quick kiss against her lips before blushing appropriately and releasing her again. "I am an incredibly lucky man."

"Holy Maker she _is_ the Queen!" Anders gaped, listening to Elissa break into laughter as she fell forward against Alistair's shoulder for a moment.

"I **told** you that!" Mhairi hissed, glaring at him again.

"And, Oghren, my stinky dwarven friend…" Alistair said, shifting Elissa to his side so that he could greet the rest of them properly. "What brings you here?"

"I came here to join your Grey Wardens, and now that I've seen this operation, it's clear that you're gonna need me!" Oghren replied with a grin, reaching forward to shake his hand companionably. "Now, where's that giant cup you two were always talkin' about? I'll gargle and spit!"

"I'm _fairly_ certain they don't let you spit it out…" Alistair said, slightly concerned the dwarf might actually do it. "You probably shouldn't gargle it either… it tends to _burn_ a bit…"

"You'd be welcome amongst us, Oghren." Elissa insisted, elbowing him into silence when his nervous chatter revealed more to their non-Wardens than she thought was proper. She'd already managed to rack up quite the list of reasons why the First Warden should relieve her of her post, and she doubted it was a good idea to add more.

"Joining the Grey Wardens, hey?" Anders piped up, drawing Alistair's eye when he gazed longingly at Elissa – knowing now that their proposed discussion of _later_ would not go as he'd planned. "Good luck with that."

"King Alistair, Warden-Commander! Your Majesties, beware!" came a woman's bellow from the rear of Alistair's main company, the clink of plate metal drawing everyone's eye as she pushed her way through the crowd at the sound of Anders' voice. "This man is a dangerous criminal!"

"Oh, the dwarf is a bit of an arse, but I wouldn't go _that_ far…" Alistair started, sharing a confused look with Elissa who responded with a shrug and a shake of her head that said she didn't know what the problem was either.

"She means **me**…" Anders sighed, rubbing at his forehead in frustration.

"This mage is an apostate we were in the process of bringing back to the Circle to face justice!" the Templar explained, beady eyes narrowed angrily on the man.

"Who's your friend?" Elissa whispered into Alistair's ear, eying the belligerent woman with disdain as she continued to berate Anders.

"Oh, please! The things you _people_ know about justice would fit in a thimble!" Anders retorted, glaring back at her as he crossed his arms. "I'll just escape again anyway."

"Her name is Rylock. She's a bit…" Alistair began, trailing off when the Templar raised her voice even louder in response to Anders' baiting comment.

"**Never**!" Rylock yelled, stepping forward in anger. "I'll see you hanged for what you've done here, murderer!"

"Wonky? Soft in the head? _Off_?" Elissa offered, watching Alistair affect his best stern glare just for her though she could see the laughter in his eyes.

"I was going to say _adamant_ in her beliefs… but those will work too…" Alistair replied, squeezing lightly at her side with his hand.

"You haven't even been inside to _see_ anything! Murderer…" Anders shook his head. "I mean, _yes_, the guard you sent with me is… no longer living… but, those Templars were… _I_ didn't kill… oh, what's the use?" he sighed, finally giving up and resolving himself to his fate. "You'll never believe me anyway."

"Well, yes…" Alistair said, clearing his throat loudly to pull focus back to where he stood. "It seems there isn't much more to say then. This mage has run amok from the tower and _disposed_ of his protective guard, so… he should probably be returned to the Circle… unless **you** have something to add my lovely Warden-Commander?"

"Yes, actually." Elissa replied, loving Alistair all the more for providing her with a proper solution so beautifully and pulling herself to a full and more authoritative standing position. "This man has provided an invaluable service already in reclaiming the Keep from the darkspawn incursion. His potential in healing magic alone is phenomenal, not to mention he seems to have a wealth of knowledge on at the very _least_ glyphs and ice spells that would be beneficial to myself in general and the Wardens as a whole." She watched one emotion after another stream across Anders' face, finally seeming to settle on confusion as she finished up her speech. "It would be an absolute tragedy to sacrifice him so needlessly when he could be so much more good to Ferelden should he stay here. As such, I hereby conscript this man into the ranks of the Grey Wardens."

"**What**? Never!" Rylock hissed, actually taking several steps forward to attempt to menace Elissa before backing down when she realized that the future Queen would not be intimidated. "Your Majesty, I know this… _woman_… is to be the Queen, but please – I encourage you not to be cuckolded by a pretty face. This mage belongs to the Circle. You once counted yourself amongst the Templar ranks, so you know the threat they pose. Do your duty to Ferelden and do not allow this to happen!"

"Wow!" Elissa muttered, barely able to contain her bemused laughter at the gall of this woman. To speak to her in such a way, and to use the arguments she had chosen to sway Alistair's favor were certain to do the exact opposite of what she'd intended. "You should _really_ do a bit more research before trying to coerce the King…"

"She's right, actually." Alistair said, un-amused by Elissa's choice to further taunt the _clearly_ unstable woman but set on his course nonetheless. "If you'd hoped to have any chance at convincing me to consider your point of view, referring to my future wife as the woman who intends to cuckold me wasn't the direction to go." Rylock looked slightly cowed, but kept her shoulders stiff and her head high to feign her indifference. "All that aside, Elissa **is** the Warden-Commander of Ferelden, and the Wardens retain the Right of Conscription…"

"The Right of Conscription only applies during a Blight, Your Majesty!" Rylock insisted, refusing to give up on her pursuit of the mage. "The Blight is now over, this wo… the Warden-Commander ended it herself. That means the Right no longer applies!"

"I will allow it." Alistair finished, his temper flaring that this woman continued to question his authority long after he'd made up his mind. "Now, stand down, Templar. This man is no longer your charge."

"If… if Your Majesty feels it is best…" Rylock replied, fading into the background though she continued to glare angrily in Elissa's direction.

"Ha! Way to go, kid!" Oghren snorted, slapping the mage hard on the back of his lower thigh – which made his knee buckle as he hadn't been suspecting it, forcing him to grab Mhairi in an attempt to remain standing. "Welcome to the club!"

"Me? A Grey Warden?" Anders gasped, eyes wide with wonder and surprise as he finally looked back up to meet Elissa's eyes for the first time since the whole dialogue with the Templar began. "I… I guess that will work…"

"Congratulations, ser mage." Mhairi said, carefully helping Anders to right himself and making sure that he was standing securely before letting him go. "I look forward to fighting at your side."

Elissa was surprised to see that the knight was actually genuine about it, and thought that perhaps the woman wasn't beyond tolerance after all. Looking across at her new companions and Oghren's familiar face, and feeling the warm pull of Alistair's blood beside her, she suddenly felt confident in the face of the new dangers ahead.

"Well… now that that's all settled, can we go inside now?" Alistair sighed, pulling Elissa into his side again. "It's still raining and my hair is getting wet."

"I believe the estate has now been secured." the Seneschal said, joining in the companionable laughter at Alistair's expense.

"Shall we?" Elissa smiled, gesturing forward so that the group would get moving toward the gates to the Keep proper, before turning back to Rylock with a vicious grin. "_Not_ you. You and your company may take one of the cottages on the courtyard boundaries. This _woman_ doesn't want you in her Keep at the moment."

Rylock's eyes narrowed, but she wisely said nothing – waving her men in behind her with the quick snap of her wrist and stomping off angrily in the direction of the nearest available housing.

"Going to be hearing about _that_ one from the Revered Mother…" Alistair sighed, wrinkling his brow at Elissa.

"I'm sorry, Alistair, but I think I tolerated quite a bit from that _woman_." Elissa chuckled, using her own term of insult so that Alistair would understand how she felt. "Putting her in the doghouse for the night was the nicest thing I could think of."

"Oh, I suspect I don't want to hear the list of other options you'd come up with for her punishment…" Alistair replied, trailing off when Oghren started to toss out a few suggestions of his own that sent them all into laughter.

"I- I… don't know what I can say to thank you…" Anders began, falling in beside Elissa and looking at her in wonder from the corner of his eye.

"You shouldn't thank me… not yet, at least." Elissa responded, honestly believing the words and sharing a dark look with Alistair at what was to come. "There is much about the life of a Warden that you don't yet know. The time may come when you will resent me for trading in your old cage for the one I have forced upon you."

Anders found it hard to believe he could ever resent this woman for releasing him from the prison that had held him for as long as he could remember. If the worst he had to face was darkspawn in exchange for his freedom, then the Wardens were most certainly not a cage to him.

"I'm sorry, Commander, I know that you are anxious to retire for the evening…" the Seneschal said, bringing them to a stop just as they reached the hall division that would lead them either to the throne room, or the sleeping quarters. "…but, I currently only know of two living Wardens assigned to all of Ferelden, and I think it is urgent that we remedy that situation."

"Ugh…" Elissa replied, covering her face with her hands. "Are you certain we can't do this _after_ I've had a bath and a decent night's sleep?"

"He's right, Elissa." Alistair gently encouraged, not wanting to delay their journey to the bedroom any more than she did but knowing the man was right to press the issue. "These new recruits will be of great aid to you in the coming days. The sooner you put them through the Joining, the sooner they will recover."

"I know, I know! You're right…" Elissa sighed, pulling away from Alistair after laying a soft kiss against his cheek. "Quickly then, I'm tired and not looking forward to this…"

"Um, sorry love, but where _exactly_ is our room?" Alistair interrupted, turning them back to him once more before they headed off to prepare.

"You know, that's a good question. I never actually made it to the part where I picked one out…" Elissa replied, chuckling when she realized how singularly focused she could become.

"I took the liberty of setting you up in the Master Suite, Commander," the Seneschal replied, and Alistair couldn't miss the look of horror in Elissa's eyes as she snapped her attention to him.

"You've put me in **Howe's** old room?" Elissa gasped, feeling slightly sick at the thought of touching _anything_ that had once belonged to the man.

"It was the largest suite and clearly intended to be used by someone with tactical and defensive capabilities…" the Seneschal said cryptically, and Alistair grimaced at the possibilities of what that could mean in light of what they'd discovered about his Denerim Estate additions. "I had all of the furniture within the room removed and replaced, with the exception of the desk. It was rather securely bolted to the floor."

"I see…" Elissa replied, sighing heavily and resigning herself to her fate as it seemed the cruel irony of the Maker's sense of humor knew no bounds. "Howe's room it is then… I'll see you there!"

She nodded curtly to Alistair, who swung himself and the two guards who carried his and Elissa's things, in the direction of the master suite – while she headed into the throne room to prepare and distribute the Joining ritual.

* * *

><p>An hour later and Elissa had two new Wardens and one more body to dispose of. She'd lost two of her fellow recruits during her own Joining, and watching Mhairi lose her battle to the taint had been no easier than watching Daveth years before. She felt especially guilty over Mhairi's loss knowing how poorly she'd treated and thought of the woman during the brief time she'd known her.<p>

"I'm sorry, Mhairi…" Elissa said, sadly closing the woman's eyes for the last time before handing her over to the two guardsmen for disposal. "You didn't deserve this."

As guilty as she felt over Mhairi's death, she was equally relieved that both Oghren and Anders had survived, and that neither of them had been given to second guesses that made them want to run at the last moment. Elissa was capable of a lot of things, more and more of them on the darker side as the days passed, but she was unsure if she'd have been able to go all Duncan on the mage had he chosen to run from her as he had the Circle.

Thankfully he'd simply resolved himself to his new fate, firing off some quip about waking up in Rivain in his small clothes with a tattoo on his forehead – then tossing back the concoction and collapsing onto the floor. She'd held her breath anxiously until the Seneschal assured her that he would live.

Oghren had finished off the last of the cup as though the ritual were nothing more than some drinking contest back at Tapster's Tavern. Elissa briefly wondered if the extra blood would have a more potent effect on his tiny body – but was quickly relieved when Oghren simply belched and shook the whole thing off, walking himself to his new quarters and mocking the skirt-wearing sissy boy for passing out.

"Poor Mhairi." the Seneschal said shaking his head, and gesturing for the guards to open the doors to the throne room.

"Joining deaths are never pleasant…" Elissa muttered, rubbing at her forehead in sadness and exhaustion. "I can't tell you how relieved I am to have two of the three survive. I was terrified I'd lose them all."

"Well, you didn't." the man chuckled, smiling softly at her as the weight of the day dropped down again.

"I've just realized I don't even know your name, unless – you simply wish to be called _the Seneschal_?" Elissa chuckled, perfectly fine if that was the case as she was fond of the anonymity of titles over names herself, most of the time.

"I'm sorry, Commander, it never occurred to me what with all the impending doom…" the man laughed, holding out his hand with a fatherly smile. "It's Varel, just, Varel."

"Well, Varel, _just_ Varel, I am pleased to meet you." Elissa replied, shaking his hand and bowing lightly. "And you may call me, Elissa. Just, Elissa."

"I will try." Varel said, continuing to laugh. "There is one more thing I must suggest that you see to before you retire for the night…"

"No! Please, _please_ tell me it can wait until morning." Elissa begged, tugging at the man's arm but seeing the look on his face remain unchanging. "Fine… what is it?"

"Several days ago the Orlesian Wardens caught a… _thief_… wandering about the Vigil." Varel explained, watching Elissa's forehead wrinkle in response.

"You want me to delay my well deserved rest to see to a _thief_?" Elissa asked, crossing her arms in frustration.

"Well, that's the thing… it took four Wardens to capture and subdue the man." Varel explained, watching her face shift from annoyed to interested. "He gave one of the Wardens a black-eye, left another with a concussion, and yet another unconscious at the end of it. Half-joking they said he might make a good recruit… but in light of the losses we've suffered and your decision with the mage, I thought maybe you might want to speak with him."

"Where is he now?" Elissa asked, more than a little curious to see what manner of man would have taken on four Wardens with those results.

"They're holding him in the lower prison." Varel answered, knowing better than to explain where she needed to go. He knew enough of the Commander's history to know she was likely more familiar than he with the grounds of Vigil's Keep.

* * *

><p>The rain was pouring down again as she made her way across the upper courtyard and down the long stairs into the lower prison, which did nothing to improve her mood. The feeling of impending doom she'd had all day seemed to grow heavier as she neared the bottom of the stairs – and she found herself hesitating as she reached for the doorknob.<p>

"Silly girl! What's wrong with you?" Elissa chastised herself, rubbing at her shaking fingers and pushing aside the sudden urge she had to run back up the stairs and leave the prisoner to his punishment. "How could whatever's in there be _any_ worse than the nonsense you've already faced today?" She took in a deep breath then, steeling herself against the instinctual need to run that continued to rise within her, and pressing open the door.

"C-Commander!" the guard yelped, jumping to attention from his chair as she caught him unaware and likely sleeping from the state of his hair. "I-I didn't know you were coming."

"Nor did I." Elissa replied, glancing beyond the guard's shoulder down to the lone cell at the end of the chamber where a dark haired man sat curled in a corner. "What can you tell me about him?"

"Not much." The guard replied with a shrug. "He's been locked in here more than three days now. Made it through the siege unscathed while good men died."

"Well that's hardly _his_ fault is it? You're the ones who locked him in here. Should have given him a blade and had him fight if you ask me." Elissa quipped, tossing a passing glare at the man and seeing it had him appropriately sorry for his remarks. "He hasn't said who he was?" She watched him closer, the dim light at the back of the room making it hard to make discern any detail in the dwindling torchlight, though she could see that the more she talked the more attentive he seemed to become.

"He won't give his name. Won't say much at all." The guard explained, moving to her side and looking down into the cell himself. "They caught him poking around the estate in the middle of the night. Thought he was a common thief until he took three of the four wrangling him down on the way to the cell." She started to drift closer to the back of the room, something about the way the prisoner moved vaguely familiar to her as he shifted again, peering out from between the fallen locks of his dark hair up to where she stood. "I'd be careful, Commander. Whoever he is, he's no ordinary burglar, that's for sure."

"If he's so dangerous, why not simply execute him?" Elissa asked, walking directly into the torchlight and catching the man's eyes for the first time – the tint of them sending a stabbing bolt of fear and pain directly into her heart as she recognized him with certainty.

"The Seneschal said it was your call…" the guard began, drifting forward to stand beside her again until she reached out her hand and pointed to the door, silencing him.

"Leave me to speak with him." Elissa instructed, struggling to control her breathing and the shaking of her body.

"I'm not sure that's such a good…" the guard started, staggered when she turned to glare at him.

"I **said** leave me!" Elissa yelled, watching the man scramble for the exit, slamming the door in his wake.

"It can't be…" the man in the cell muttered, the gravelly tone of his voice proving that she'd been right to recognize him. "It's not you… I'm hallucinating. It's impossible…"

"The longer I live, the more I realize that the things we consider to be impossible, are _rarely_ that way at all…" Elissa said, tugging her gloves off one after another and tossing them to the wooden table beneath the torch with a wet slap, then shaking off her pack and her blades. "I assure you, I am _exactly_ who you believe me to be… despite the odds of it… just as I know you are _exactly_ who I believe you to be, Nathaniel."

"How? **How** can it be you?" Nathaniel said, pushing to his feet and pulling himself forward to the bars to get a better look at her. "I saw your grave, Elissa!"

"You… you've been to Highever?" Elissa asked, eyes wide as she pulled loose and tossed her cowl onto the table with the rest of her things – giving Nathaniel the first clear look at her face that he'd had in years. "Well, that's… surprising… though I guess I can tell Fergus that my ruse worked. If it fooled you, it's bound to fool others."

"So you _wanted_ me to think you were dead?" Nathaniel asked, equal parts hurt and infuriated that she would be so callous in her treatment of him.

"You specifically? No… I honestly never thought you'd see it." Elissa answered, pacing closer to his cell and allowing herself to really look at him for the first time. He was heavier than last she'd seen him, thick with muscle, which she could easily see through the worn material of the raggedy clothing they'd given him when they confiscated his armor. His face was the same, though older, but his eyes – his eyes were hard. "I never thought I'd see _you_ if you want the truth – especially here, locked in one of your father's numerous prison cells, of all places."

As she reached the bars, she stopped – green eyes meeting grey – her breath slowing and pacing itself with his as they accepted the very idea that they stood inches away from one another again after all these years.

"Shouldn't you be ten feet tall with lightning shooting out of your eyes?" Nathaniel asked, his tone neutral.

"The darkspawn probably think so." Elissa replied, trying to keep her own voice much the same. It would have been funny had she not been able to feel the anger radiating off his body, all directed at her.

"All those titles… the Hero of Ferelden, the Warden-Commander, Conqueror of the Blight and Vanquisher of all Evil…" Nathaniel rattled them off, one after another – his eyes never leaving hers even for a second. "I guess I simply expected my father's murderer to be more… _impressive_." He smiled joylessly when he watched his barb hit its mark, the flame of fury blooming to life in Elissa's emerald eyes.

"Your **father** slaughtered my entire family!" Elissa spat, grabbing the bars and pulling her face to within inches of his own as her eyes narrowed dangerously at him. "He deserved everything he got and more!"

"Your **family** was going to sell us out to the Orlesians!" Nathaniel hissed, grabbing the bars himself and leaning in to face off against her, attempting not to flinch when he felt the skin of his bare hand brush against her own.

"I suppose your father told you that?" Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes that he could continue to be so blind where Rendon Howe was concerned even after all these years.

"How could he? **You** snuck into his estate and slaughtered him before he ever had the chance!" Nathaniel yelled, slamming his fists hard against the bars and watching her flinch, allowing himself some modicum of satisfaction at that before he pulled away and started to pace the length of his cell. "I came here… I intended to lay a trap for you. I intended to _kill_ you." He heard her draw in a quick breath, unable to stop herself when she realized the depth of his enmity toward her. "But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I simply wanted to reclaim some of my family's things. It's all I have left."

"I _am_ sorry, Nathaniel." Elissa said, listening to his hard laughter in response to those words. "I know you don't believe it… but I am. I never wanted things to happen this way. The way this all worked out is… unfortunate…" She scrambled for another word, seeing that one had been poorly chosen with the renewed ire on Nathaniel's face, but coming up with nothing else to offer.

"Unfortunate?" Nathaniel sneered, shaking his head. "Yes, I guess it was _unfortunate_ for all of us, wasn't it?"

"You don't think I've suffered as well?" Elissa asked, surprised that he couldn't find it within himself to at least see how hard things had been for her.

"I don't know, Elissa? _Did_ you?" Nathaniel asked, striding back up to the bars and glaring at her through them. "I don't hear _your_ family name muttered as though it was a curse. I don't see _you _cowering filthy in the prison of your own home. Do you feel as though you're suffering appropriately?"

"Your father dragged my name through the muck plenty before I ended him! And don't get me started on what he did to my home!" Elissa yelled, her voice shaking in her fury. "I have suffered more than you will _ever_ know, and continue to even now!"

"Yes, I can see how difficult it must be for you to share the King's bed…" Nathaniel spat, knowing it was a low blow even as he said it but unable to stop himself as he watched her fidget with the Theirin signet on her finger, the one he'd briefly mistaken for his own at first glance. "Does he know his perfect little Queen once promised herself to the son of a traitor?"

"He knows." Elissa replied, tilting her chin up and refusing to be ashamed for moving past him. "Alistair and I have no secrets."

"Really? I find that hard to believe…" Nathaniel laughed, pacing away from the bars again and running his fingers through his hair. "Look, I honestly don't know the whole story of what happened to your family. From what I've heard, it was horrible."

"Horrible doesn't even _begin_ to describe it…" Elissa hissed, silencing when his grey eyes flicked up to hers in anger.

"The entire war was horrible, Elissa… the entire Blight was." Nathaniel continued, trying to get the last of this out. The more he talked to her, the more he just wanted the nightmare to end. "Whatever my father did… or _didn't_ do… I think you can at least agree it shouldn't harm my entire family. The Howes are pariahs now… those of us left, which, I suppose… would just be me."

"I know you've no reason to believe me, Nathaniel…" Elissa started, watching him look at her again. "…but the idea to strip your lands and titles and strike the name Howe from the history books was not mine."

"Ah, so it all comes back to your _King_ then, does it?" Nathaniel asked, coming to a stop in front of her once again. "Did you do _anything_ to stop him?"

"I- I…" Elissa started, holding his eyes briefly then looking away when she realized he was right.

"That's what I thought." Nathaniel said, sighing sadly and leaning his forehead against the bars next to her. "This is all thanks to you… and now _you_ get to decide _my_ fate as well… ironic, isn't it?"

"Do you really hate me so much?" Elissa said sadly, her words almost a whisper as she tilted her face from its spot against the bars to look in his direction.

When he met her eyes and saw the pain there, he wanted to tell her no. He wanted to say that he forgave her, that he forgave everything. But he could not.

"The darkspawn _are_ a menace. If it weren't for the Blight, maybe my father would never have done… whatever he did…" Nathaniel replied, backing away from her and refusing to directly answer her question. "I can't undo it, any of it. I'm stuck here – living in this hell – and there's only _you_ and your Grey Wardens, here, in _my _home."

"Nathaniel, this is your _father's_ fault… _not_ mine." Elissa pleaded, praying to the Maker that he would see reason just this once. "The blame for these troubles should be laid at his feet."

"The Howes served Ferelden for twelve generations! My ancestors served under King Calenhad! You know the history as well as I do, Elissa!" Nathaniel yelled, his anger spiking again at her refusal to take any of the responsibility for what had happened. She'd always been content to blame his father or his brother for everything. "Now it's all lost! So go ahead and do whatever it is you're going to do with me. I'm done."

"What will you do if I let you go?" Elissa asked softly, stopping him mid stride and turning him back to her in surprise.

"If you let me go? I-I don't know. I only came back to Ferelden a month ago…" Nathaniel lied, having no idea that his father had revealed his presence to her the day that she killed him. "If you let me go, I'll probably come back here. You might not catch me next time."

"You aren't making the best case for yourself." Elissa replied, attempting to be just as cold as he was – to pretend that the casual mention of her death at his hands did not affect her as much as it did, and that she did not notice his lie.

"I could _lie_, if you'd prefer." Nathaniel hissed, eyes narrow… daring her to make the next move.

"Alright." Elissa said, chewing at her bottom lip and nodding to herself as she stalked back over to the table, working open the clasps of her breastplate and tossing it to the table with the rest of her things. "You want to kill me so badly?" she snatched up the keys off the table, stomped over to the cell door and shoved them roughly into the lock. She popped it open and slammed it to the side, stepping toward Nathaniel where he had pressed himself against the back wall in fearful surprise. "Well, have at it then! Here I am."

She held her arms out, glaring at him. He could feel the heat radiating off her body, and found it hard not to glance down at her breasts. The hard rain had run down the inside of her armor and drenched her chemise and the breast band beneath it, plastering the material to her skin. He swallowed hard, tamping down on his body's natural reaction to her and forcing himself to ignore the overwhelming urge to grab her and shove his tongue into her mouth.

"Here, let me make it easier for you…" Elissa continued, bending down to pop her dagger loose from her thigh – the motion giving Nathaniel an even better view of her cleavage and causing her breasts to jiggle slightly which made him curse under his breath before she stood back up and shoved the hilt of her blade into his hands, pressing the point to the soft flesh of her chest right over her heart. "If you want to kill me so badly, Nathaniel then _do it_!"

He couldn't move, emotions whirling within him as he debated pushing the blade home and following through on his father's dying wish or tossing it on the floor to pull her into his arms with equal measure.

"Come on then, I'm **right **here!" Elissa yelled, reaching her hands up to press forward against the knife, watching Nathaniel's' eyes go wide when it pierced her skin and sent a stream of blood running down between her breasts and spreading out into the wet material of her chemise. "**Do it**!"

"Stop…" Nathaniel said weakly, his voice breaking though he worked hard to keep it calm.

"What? Isn't this what you wanted?" Elissa asked, refusing to back down now that she'd gained the upper hand. "Don't you want to kill me and take back your family's precious honor? To do your duty?" He didn't answer her, turning his eyes away and allowing his hands to fall limp at his sides. "That's what _I_ thought…"

She walked out of the cell then, sheathing her dagger and beginning to refasten her breast plate as she bellowed out the door to where she could hear Varel speaking with the guard.

"I see you've… _spoken_ with our guest…" Varel said, noting her quick fingers at the buckles of her breast plate and the way the prisoner lingered at the back of the now open cell with his eyes glued to the stone floor. Their behavior left him wondering just what had transpired between them. "Have you decided what's to be done with him?"

"Did you know this was Nathaniel Howe?" Elissa asked him, watching the expression on his face shift quickly showing that he did not.

"I-I did not…" Varel replied, suddenly feeling as though the tension in the air made more sense. "Though, it figures that they would turn up again. The Howes, as you know, are implacable enemies, Commander."

"Indeed they are." Elissa replied, shoving her cowl and her gloves into her pack and anchoring it and her swords to her back once again.

"Will it be the hangman's noose or the executioner's blade?" Varel asked, watching the look that passed between the two of them with curiosity.

"Neither." Elissa replied. "Give him his things, and anything he took that belonged to the Howes, and let him go."

"**What**?" Nathaniel gasped, taking several steps out of his cell before he was stopped by the guard.

"Commander… that's… I must object!" Varel insisted, looking very much like her own father in that moment which only made things harder on Elissa. "This man's father tried to kill you, he himself admitted to intending as much, you can't simply let him go."

"I can and I will." Elissa replied, holding Varel's eyes long enough to make it clear she would not change her mind. "Nathaniel is not his father, no matter how hard he is pretending to be. Now give him his belongings and let him go."

"You heard the verdict…" Varel said, motioning to the man as Elissa drifted over to the door looking distinctly worse for the wear. "Come with me so that you can collect your things."

"Oh, one more thing." Elissa said, turning back to him one more time. "No harm is to come to him. I mean it, Varel. If I hear that one hair on his head was damaged due to my overzealous protectors, I'll take it out on their hide. Am I understood?"

"Yes, Commander." Varel replied, nodding tersely and watching her disappear out the door.

* * *

><p>Elissa should have made her way back to her room, back to Alistair, and she <em>knew<em> it – but somehow she found herself standing on the ramparts in the dwindling rain and watching as Nathaniel was escorted from the property.

She could feel Alistair approaching even before he arrived, the demanding pull of his blood less of a comfort to her now than it should have been. She wanted to be left alone to her sorrows, to bear the burden of this final goodbye in silence. Still, she allowed him to fold her into his arms and settled back against his chest when he lay a kiss against her hair.

"Did you plan on coming to bed tonight?" Alistair asked, following her gaze to the small group of men by the gate.

"I'm sorry, Varel had me deal with some prisoner he felt had potential as a recruit." Elissa replied, unable to pull her eyes away from the scene in front of her.

"Is that him?" Alistair asked, looking over the wall and down to the man in question – having no idea who he was actually seeing.

"It is." Elissa replied with a sigh.

"Unremarkable I take it?" Alistair asked, interpreting the sigh to be disappointment.

"Just a common thief." Elissa replied, fighting against the urge to flinch when Nathaniel looked up at her in that exact moment, hesitating at the gate with the sight. "Come on then…" she said, turning to Alistair and affecting her most convincing smile before she ushered him back into the Keep for the night. "Take your Queen to bed!"


	3. Chapter 3: The Ice Queen

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** The prison scene and a bit more from Nathaniel's prospective. :)_

_Thanks to all my readers, followers and reviewers! Hugs to **artemiskat**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Three: The Ice Queen<strong>_

"Have you ever taken a bite of something you expected to be sweet, only to be left with a mouthful of bitter?" the archer asked, remaining focused on his fletching though he answered the question I'd asked him with regard to The Hero in record time.

"More times than I care to imagine…" I chuckled, tossing down my own arrow into the communal pile.

"That's what it was like to see her again." Nathaniel remembered, stroking his thumb gently along the feathers he'd just seated into the wood. "Like I'd just gotten my hands on the most perfect apple I'd ever seen, only to realize it'd gone rotten once I bit into it."

I grimaced at the thought, but understood his metaphor. The pair had gone nearly a decade apart and during that time the landscape between them had been littered with mines just waiting for detonation.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel had fought like a bear at first, dodging and striking out as the Wardens cornered him in the room that had once been his father's archives. He caught one of them in the eye solidly, and rattled another one's head against the wall in the process of tackling a third.<p>

As he pressed his forearm against the man's throat, cutting off his air supply long enough to leave him unconscious and stood to face off against the fourth, he realized it was stupid to keep fighting. More Wardens would come after these, and even more after those. He was already feeling exhausted and sore from restless nights and one too many near misses at the previous Warden's blades, and so, with very little ceremony, Nathaniel Howe simply gave up. He raised his hands, allowing the remaining Warden to capture him.

The Warden shoved Nathaniel forward roughly with the heel of his boot, muttering something in Orlesian (_Maudite fausse couche_!) and wiping at the bloody nose he'd been given somewhere along the way.

"Bloody Orlesians…" Nathaniel hissed, earning another kick as the man escorted him down the long hall and out into the courtyard.

* * *

><p>The next few days proved to be nothing more than a string of endless humiliation. They stripped him down and took everything he owned, tossing it roughly into a chest and leaving the room with it. He'd fought when they took off Elissa's pendant, feeling more naked at the loss of that tarnished slab of silver than he already was standing there bare as the day he'd been born. That had earned him a hard blow to the face and a long cold night on the dirty stone floor with not so much as a rag to cover himself.<p>

The next morning when they'd come in to bring him some food and water, they brought him some ragged clothing as well. Only because the Seneschal insisted he be treated humanely, they explained – making sure he saw it when they spit in his food before sliding it to the floor just inside the door.

They spent most of the rest of the day asking him questions he resolutely refused to answer, the reaction to which had been the reclamation of his threadbare garments and a continued neglect to his proper nourishment or hydration over the course of the next twenty-four hours.

The next person he laid eyes on was the Seneschal himself, the wizened man grumbling angrily at the guard and giving specific instructions that the prisoner be left alone until the Commander arrived to deal with him, before making his way to the cell with a less offensive selection of clothing along with food and water.

"I _apologize_ for your treatment." the man said, opening the cell and sliding the things through so that Nathaniel could reach out for them. "The Orlesians can be a bit overzealous in their approach to information gathering."

"Overzealous?" Nathaniel asked, raising an eyebrow as he quickly tossed on the clothing – choking down a crust of bread just in case it should be reclaimed.

"Can you blame them, honestly?" the seneschal asked, only half hiding his smile at the thought of the havoc this single man had managed to wreak before he'd allowed his capture. "I think one of them is still recovering from his injuries."

"To his pride, _maybe_." Nathaniel snorted, noting the twinkle of amusement in the man's eye. "The damage I inflicted on their bodies was not so severe."

"Don't underestimate the profound impact of damage to one's pride." the seneschal laughed, turning to walk away from the cell again after locking the door.

"If you only knew how ironic those words were, old man…" Nathaniel chuckled, sitting roughly on the floor and continuing to enjoy his first full meal in several days.

* * *

><p>The next few days kind of ran together, without the random bouts of cruelty and questioning to separate them. He found himself wondering if the Commander would ever show up, or if he'd simply live out the rest of his time trapped within the stone and metal walls his father built years before.<p>

He only started to _actually_ worry when the sounds from outside the chamber door became increasingly erratic. When the guard came scurrying back inside – barring the door not just with the latch but also with the table – he knew something was very wrong.

"What is it?" Nathaniel asked, watching the guard turn fearful eyes in his direction from where he sat, deathly white and trembling against the wall inside the door.

"Darkspawn…" the man said, his voice shaking, "they're everywhere."

"Let me out!" Nathaniel insisted, knowing they both stood a better chance if he was free and armed than if he stayed locked inside the cell.

"I-I've strict orders to…" the guard muttered, snapping his head back to the door when something slammed against the upper end of the stairs followed by a scream that dissolved into the guttural sounds of a death rattle.

"**Sod** your orders!" Nathaniel yelled, holding his arm out through the bars. "Give me a bow, a blade, _anything_. I can help you! We stand a better chance together than alone and you know it!"

There was more screaming, and the door beyond the guard rattled with the force of something slamming against it – sending the man scrambling fearfully back against the bars of Nathaniel's cell.

The man didn't reply to anything Nathaniel asked after that, and they spent the next span of days listening to the horrors unfolding above them. Eventually, the sounds of chaos seemed to dwindle down and they heard the first sounds that were not uttered by darkspawn drifting through the door.

"The Commander's come!" the man called through the door, sending the guard running to shift aside the table and undo the latch admitting the beaming messenger into the room.

"Thank the Maker!" the guard replied, rushing up the stairs behind him and leaving Nathaniel alone in silence once again.

_Well_, Nathaniel thought, flopping back against the wall. _At least it will all be over soon_.

* * *

><p>It took much longer for the Commander to make her way down to deal with him than Nathaniel would have liked. His guard had returned nearly two hours before she set foot in the chamber, bringing him a full plate of food and an entire jug of water at the Seneschal's insistence.<p>

When she finally did make it into the room, she was more like a drowned rat than a mythical piece of history. Her entire body was covered with mud and muck he could only assume to be what was left of the darkspawn she'd encountered, all of it running down her soaked body with the rain into a large messy puddle on the floor.

He settled himself into his usual posture of indifference, determined to offer her nothing more than he had given her lackeys before she'd decided to grace them all with her arrival. That's when he heard her voice… and everything screeched to a halt.

He struggled to even out his breathing, to keep his body from shaking, to will away what was clearly insanity finally settling in on his battered mind – all the while listening to the rising and falling of her tone as she questioned the guard, the lilt of it as familiar to him as the back of his own hand.

"If he's so dangerous, why not simply execute him?" Elissa asked, walking directly into the torchlight and allowing him to see her eyes for the first time – the familiar flash of green stabbing into his heart just as sharp as if she'd thrown a dagger.

They'd argued after that, everything blending into one hate filled string of insanity where they'd hurled insult after insult at one another – some deserved, some… intentionally hurtful and unnecessary.

When she'd stripped off her armor and come barreling into his cell he'd nearly lost it, cringing back against the wall like a child and praying to the Maker she'd just go away. The love of his life was standing a few feet away from him for the first time in almost ten years, only instead of folding her in his arms and kissing her senseless as he'd imagined so many times before, he was pressing a dagger into the flesh of her bosom – just as aroused as he was disgusted when a stream of blood trickled down into her cleavage and drew his eye.

He'd dropped the hilt then, staggering limp against the wall with the horrific realization that he might have more of his father's darkness inside him than he wanted to admit.

She'd walked away from him after that, hastily fastening up her armor and calling the Seneschal and his guard into the room so that he could be dealt with.

She shook off the suggestion of both hanging and decapitation, leaving him to wonder what other more tortuous death she had in store for him.

* * *

><p>"The last thing I ever expected her to do was let me go." Nathaniel chuckled, a rare smile turning up the edges of his mouth as he tossed another arrow into our pile. "But, that's Elissa for you. She's nothing if not unpredictable."<p>

"I've learned that myself, over the years… though, I suspect not in the same ways…" I laughed, drawing out another smirk from the normally morose archer, pleased that I'd gotten not one but _two_ in the span of a single day. "Why _did_ she let you go?"

I knew the answer to this question already, rather – I knew what The Hero had given in response when I posed the same question to her months before. I simply wondered what Nathaniel Howe thought about it.

"At the time I suspected she just wanted me out of her hair." he said with a shrug, remembering the sight of her standing atop the ramparts and watching him leave – wrapped in the arms of his replacement. "Now, I don't know. She never gave me an honest answer… not really. Mercy, I suppose? Perhaps to prove to herself that she hadn't become my father in the end?" He leaned back in the chair then, folding his arms behind his head and staring into the fire as he did so often when we spoke. "All I can tell you for sure is that when I left that night, I had every intention of never looking back."

Obviously he had. Obviously he'd not only _looked_ back but actively turned and run in her direction, but he grew quiet – packing up his share of the arrows and leaving my room at the Hanged Man soon after.


	4. Chapter 4: The Crow Departs and The Wolf

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** A teensy bit of **NSFW** material wandering about in here so you have been warned! _

_Muse Music: The Change by Evanescence._

_Translation for the two bits of "Antivan": 1. So this is your permanent scar? 2. The one and only.  
><em>

_Thanks to my readers, reviewers, and followers! Love you guys! And special kudos to my Lady Beta **artemiskat** for helping me work out some writers block on this one!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Four: The Crow Departs and The Wolf Returns<strong>_

Elissa slept restlessly, unable to shake Nathaniel even in the vast landscape of the Fade. When she woke the next morning, feeling as though she'd gotten no sleep at all, she half expected the warm body in the bed beside her to be his. She was both sad _and_ relieved to roll over and find that it was not.

"Good morning, beautiful." Alistair said, beaming at her in the growing daylight.

"How long have you been awake?" Elissa asked, making herself more comfortable and reaching over to take his hand.

"Oh, a while…" he answered, pulling the hand up to his lips and kissing it, "don't worry, I like watching you sleep."

"I wasn't sleeping." she chuckled, sighing when he flipped her arm over and started trailing those kisses down the inside of her forearm.

"I like watching you lying there, naked, _pretending_ to sleep…" Alistair said, sliding over to her and pulling the blankets down to reveal her upper body – taking his time as he trailed even more kisses down her chest and over the swells of both her breasts. "What's this then?"

"What's what?" Elissa asked, pushing up on her elbows to look down where he was lightly tapping his finger only to find it resting against the scabbing cut where she'd pressed her own dagger the night before when attempting to taunt Nathaniel into killing her. "Scratch. Guess something must have cut into me at some point." She shrugged, attempting to remain calm and to _not_ think about Nathaniel. Instead tugging Alistair forward and trying to encourage him back to his earlier attentions.

He obliged easily, palming one of her breasts and sliding over her as he slid his tongue into the motions of their delightful dance within her mouth. He was just about to press forward when a sudden banging at the door followed by a bellowed "Commander!" brought them both grinding to a halt.

"What!" Elissa yelled, attempting not to moan or squeal or any number of things she wanted to do as Alistair went back to sucking at her neck, sliding his hand up the inside of her thigh and finding purchase in her wet center. "N-never mind, just go… go away! Come back later!"

She ran her fingers up into Alistair's hair, pulling his face up and mouthing, _I hate you_, though she meant not a word as she pressed her lips roughly to his own, wrapping her legs around him and attempting to seat him inside her.

"I'm s-sorry, C-Commander…" the woman's voice called out again, shaken but insistent. "The messenger who brought this missive said it was urgent."

"Ugh!" Elissa hissed, flopping back against the bed and waiting for Alistair to roll off her before tossing back the blankets. She threw on her thread-bare old sleep shirt and stomped to the door. "It had **better** be straight from the bloody Maker!" she snapped, snatching it unceremoniously from the terrified soldier's hand and slamming the door in her face as she blushed at a smirking wave from the shirtless King.

"Well, my work here is done…" Alistair said with a sigh, flopping back against the pillows and watching Elissa gnaw at her nail as she read the letter. "We scarred that poor woman for life."

"Mmm…" she replied, no longer paying him any attention as her eyes scanned the words before flicking up to his in irritation. "When were you going to tell me that Zevran left for Antiva?"

"Ah, yes, _that_…" he replied, chuckling nervously as he retrieved the parchment from her fingers and glanced at it himself. "I suppose I should have guessed he'd at least send you a letter… though _you remain in my dreams, especially the naughty ones_… he **knows **I read these, right?"

"I expect that's why he writes it." Elissa laughed, watching Alistair do the same.

"Naughty elf…" Alistair muttered, pulling her into his lap and laying the note down beside them. "Honestly though, I was _going_ to tell you – I just wanted you to sleep first and then you distracted me with the nakedness…" he kissed her lips, "speaking of which…" and then her neck, his fingers sliding under her shirt and across the flat plane of her stomach, "I believe we were in the middle of something _important_ before that soldier of yours so rudely interrupted us."

"Uh, uh, uh…" she said, pushing off of him and wagging a finger as she moved behind the dressing screen to prepare for her day. "You withhold things from me, I withhold things from you. That's how it works!"

"Elissa, you can't leave me like this! I'm all frustrated now!" he grumbled, looking down at the visible tenting of the blankets in his lap.

"I suggest you twirl your own pike then, darling." Elissa laughed, continuing to dress behind her screen, listening to Alistair flop back against the bed.

"No more hanging out with Oghren for you!" Alistair muttered, rolling over and waiting for his frustrations to abate so that he could dress himself.

* * *

><p>Elissa spent two hours going over all of the things that needed to be done with Varel, a dwarven Stonemason named Voldrick (<em>whose brother was the lunatic that threw the bomb in the entryway<em>), Captain Garavel who led the Keep's guardsmen, and a Mistress Woolsey who had been sent from Weisshaupt to monitor the Keep's finances.

By the time she made her way back to Alistair with the handful of missives that the terrified soldier assigned as her personal assistant reluctantly handed over to her, she was already overwhelmed and the day had only just begun.

"Well, you look _less_ than thrilled…" Alistair noted, putting down the stack of his own correspondence and standing up from behind her desk. "What did they have to say?"

"Well, a couple of days from now I have to host a ceremony where the nobles of Amaranthine will come to swear their fealty to me as their Arlessa," Elissa began, watching Alistair swallow and start to respond before she silenced him with a raised finger. "Oh no, there's more… Weisshaupt has sent a Mistress Woolsey to monitor my finances, and, I suspect, spy on me for the First Warden. My Guard Captain, Garavel his name is, has informed me that all of the Orlesian Wardens are missing and suspected dead save one Kristoff – and he is _somewhere_ in Amaranthine City with my only lead on these talking darkspawn, which comes from two hunters who fell into a hole." She stopped for a moment, and Alistair thought she was done… but she wasn't. "Oh, and also, there's these…" she shook a handful of papers at him and tossed them on the desk where they scattered randomly, " a stack of requests from my new vassals. Oh and Wade and Herren are here, I need to keep them occupied _and_ apparently Rendon let his estate waste away while he was off conquering the world so now I need to help my dwarves to find the quarry to fix the walls. How was _your_ morning, darling?"

"Elissa, I'm sorry…" Alistair said, pulling her into his arms. "Can I do anything to help?"

"No. You've your own things to deal with. You really need to be leaving for the Bannorn." Elissa said, listening to him sigh at the thought. "Seriously, Alistair, this is _my_ mess now… you've your own to clean up."

"I know, I just… I _hate_ leaving you like this." Alistair sighed, standing and going to collect her missives and separate them from his own. "I hate leaving you at all."

"I know… and I hate the thought of it. But we knew this wasn't going to be easy." Elissa said, walking over to wrap her arms around him and feeling him settle against the top of her head as he leaned into her embrace. "We'll take it one day at a time and do the best we can. Hopefully I can get this mess cleaned up quickly and get back to Denerim."

"Any idea where you're going to start?" Alistair asked, pressing a kiss against her hair and feeling her pull away to pace and consider her options.

"Amaranthine, I guess. I'm a Warden so darkspawn _have_ to be the priority – especially creepy, talking, hard to track ones." Elissa replied, running her fingers through her long hair and beginning to divide and braid it. "I'll round up Anders and Oghren and head into the city. Hopefully we find Kristoff and these hunters who fell in the hole."

* * *

><p>An hour later they were on the road, and Elissa allowed herself to relax and even enjoy the leisurely trip – glad that she'd chosen to forgo the horses and walk through the sunny day. Just behind her, Anders and Oghren went through their latest round of insults – much to her amusement.<p>

"So... mage, huh?" Oghren started, belching and offering his flask to Elissa who waved it off for the moment. "What's it like?"

"What? To have all this power at my fingertips?" Anders asked, smiling and shaking a crackle of electricity off the tip of his hand with a wink up to Elissa where she watched them from the corner of her eye.

"No. To always have to wear a skirt?" Oghren replied, laughing even harder than he would have when he noticed Elissa stifling a chuckle of her own.

"Oh, you don't know the story behind the robes?" Anders answered, not at all phased by the insult – or by Elissa's appreciation of it.

"Story?" Oghren asked, already confused when he didn't get a simple insult in reply.

"You know how strict things are in the Circle, right? Of course you do." Anders explained, smiling to himself. "Well, the robes make quick trysts in the corner easy. No laces or buttons. You're done before the Templars catch on."

"Really?" Oghren asked, glancing up to Elissa for verification but she only shrugged in response – though it did make a perverse kind of sense when she really thought about it.

"Just ask anyone." Anders assured the dwarf, jogging up a bit to catch Elissa. "Um… Commander… I don't know if you've noticed that we seem to be going in a rather large circle."

"I noticed." Elissa replied.

"Aaaaaand… now we seem to have come to a dead end in a creepy decrepit group of houses…" Anders continued, shivering a bit. "This isn't some kind of Warden hazing ritual, is it?"

"What? No!" Elissa snorted, pulling out her swords and setting herself ready for anything – watching her companions, though confused, prepare themselves as well. "You can come out now, whoever you are!"

"There's no one here…" Anders whispered, wondering if she'd finally gone off the deep end.

"Oh, there's someone here. They've been following us for awhile… since about twenty minutes outside The Keep…" Elissa explained, continuing to let her eyes search the area around her. "You may as well give it up. I _know_ you're there. It's only a matter of time before I find you and I'll be much more cross if you make me look."

From the corner of her eye she saw a shadow flicker and fade, revealing a tall dark haired man. She shook her head with a mixture of disbelief and annoyance as she sheathed her blades, watching as Nathaniel came to a halt in front of her.

"It's alright…" Elissa said when the others were more hesitant to relax, gesturing to let them know it was okay to put away their weapons as Nathaniel had approached them unarmed. "Didn't I let you go?"

"Wait, this is the prisoner then?" Anders asked, taking a few steps forward and watching as the man leveled a glare in his direction.

"Careful, Commander…" Oghren warned, when Elissa had referred to the prisoner as Nathaniel in their earlier discussion, it had more meaning to him than it had to Anders. He'd traveled with Elissa for some time during the Blight and knew a good bit of her history. "I have an itch that tells me this one could go all Zevran on you."

"Are you sure that itch isn't some sort of rash?" Anders asked, grimacing at the thought. "And what's a Zevran?"

"A Zevran is a _who_ actually… and _this one_ already did…" Elissa explained, watching it dawn on Oghren that Nathaniel already made an attempt on her life before turning her attention back to the man himself. "I think I asked you a question? Are you planning to answer it at some point or are you just going to stand there staring at me?"

"You set me free…" Nathaniel started, listening to her sigh audibly and shove her fingers into her hair roughly. "Just let me go, even though I told you I'd come to kill you. I want to know why."

"Wait… did he just say he came to kill you?" Anders asked, feeling insane that they were even standing there talking to the man. "I'm sorry… why are we even having this conversation? Shouldn't he be dead or in prison at the very _least_?"

"I don't want to fight with you, Nathaniel…" Elissa sighed, glaring Anders into silence and watching him throw up his hands in irritation and stalk off to stand next to the dwarf. "I just want you to go away." She shook her head then, turning to walk away.

"Take me with you." Nathaniel called out, bringing her to an abrupt stop though she did not turn around – forcing him to jog forward and get in front of her so that she would meet his eyes and know he meant it. "Make me a Grey Warden."

"It's not that simple…" Elissa replied, trying to walk around him – stopped when he laid a gentle but demanding hand on her arm.

"Isn't it?" Nathaniel asked, his eyes a storm of emotions, none of which she wanted to see. "Elissa… I have nowhere else to go. I fully expected to die in that cell… maybe I even wanted to." He watched the pain flicker through her green eyes at that idea, but pressed on regardless. "But _you_ let me go… there had to be some reason. Make me a Grey Warden. Let me _try_. Please."

"Given our history, why should I ever trust you?" Elissa asked, and Nathaniel could hear her voice shaking and knew, regardless of the impassive mask she wore – he was wearing her down.

"You probably shouldn't." Nathaniel shrugged, giving her the honesty he knew she would require. "But it's a two way street. I'd be trusting you as well… and, perhaps that's how it has to start."

"Why are you doing this?" Elissa asked, her emerald eyes searching his – looking for something specific – something he was keeping well hidden. "Is it for redemption? Do you think this is how you'll clear your family name now that you've failed to claim my head on your father's behalf?"

"I don't know…" Nathaniel answered, his jaw tensing at her casual mention of his failed attempt on her life. "Maybe that's not even important anymore. Maybe what _is_ important is that I do my part to battle the darkspawn. It's what my father _should_ have done."

They stood there staring at one another for what seemed like an eternity, both trying and failing to read what the other was thinking. The irony that it was the one thing that used to come as easily as breathing to them both was lost on neither. Finally, something in Elissa seemed to shift. Nathaniel saw it happen, though he was unable to say whether she'd seen something worth saving or simply gave in because she didn't have the strength to fight with him anymore.

"Very well." Elissa said, yanking her arm out of his grasp and turning to walk out of the dead end and back to The Keep as it appeared they would not accomplish anything of import on this day. "Let's get you back to The Keep and see if you take The Joining."

"So, we just let _anyone_ in this outfit?" Anders said, jogging past Oghren and Nathaniel and falling in beside Elissa.

"Anders, trust me when I say you do not want to press this issue with me… there are… _things_… you don't know." Elissa replied, tossing him an exhausted but pointed glance from the corner of her eye.

"I'm sensing a knife in your back in the future, that's all I'm saying…" Anders said, holding up his hands in surrender when she glared at him again.

"I've had many of them already, and I suspect I'll have many more in my future." Elissa said with a calm resignation that pulled at Anders' heart. "But, to be honest, I don't think any of them will come from Nathaniel. If he truly wished to kill me, he had the opportunity." She sighed long and slow, lamenting the loss of her beautiful day and the semi-peaceful state she'd worked herself into with regard to her post-Archdemon existence. "No, Nathaniel's most potent weapon against me is not his bow or his blade, but his tongue."

Anders let her walk away then, sensing that she needed some time alone. He looked back over his shoulder to where the archer walked along looking just as melancholy as the Commander. He wondered just what these _things_ were he didn't know about them, though it was easy to see whatever they were – they weren't good.

Oghren brought up the rear, his eyes plastered on Nathaniel and his fingers twitchy for his axe just in case the man should decide to make another attempt on Elissa after all.

* * *

><p>When they got back to The Keep, Elissa spied Alistair standing in the courtyard armory speaking to Wade and Herren about something. She'd been so lost in her addled mind she almost didn't see him in time to turn and brush past Anders, dragging him along behind her by his sleeve as she shoved Nathaniel unceremoniously behind a line of bushes outside one of the cottages.<p>

"What are you doing?" Anders hissed, pulling his arm away and rubbing at the skin where her nails had bitten into it. He noticed that neither the dwarf nor the archer seemed the least bit confused by her behavior.

"Keep it down!" Elissa whispered, leaning out far enough to see that neither Alistair nor the weapon-smiths had caught sight of them before she'd managed to put them behind the cottage. "Alistair is in the courtyard."

"Did you confine him to his quarters?" Anders replied, rolling his eyes. "He's the bloody King! I suspect he can go wherever he likes."

"I need a plan…" Elissa said, moving behind the cottage and starting to pace.

"A plan? I'm confused… is the plan not to take Grumpy the Failed Assassin here inside and give him a sip from the big cup?" Anders asked, watching as Elissa muttered to herself and worked further and further into a frenzy. He finally reached a hand out and stopped her. "What is going on?"

"She doesn't want to have to explain _me_ to her King." Nathaniel answered, and Anders watched the subtle flicker of her eyes up to the archer's and knew the man was right.

"If you can't even tell him you're going to do it, perhaps this _is_ actually a bad idea like I told you from the beginning!" Anders said, leaning down and trying to talk some sense into his Commander.

"I'm _going_ to tell him… I'd just rather not do it right now…" Elissa answered, leaning forward suddenly and tousling her hair with her fingers enough so that curls fell free here and there making her look distinctly disheveled. She took in a deep breath when she stood, rolled her shoulders, and then looked directly at Anders. "Okay, I need you to hit me."

"You need me to **what**?" Anders yelled, earning another glare and a shush from Elissa.

"Hit me. Somewhere in the general chin, nose area I don't care which." Elissa repeated, closing her eyes and waiting for it.

"You've lost your mind! I am not going to hit you." Anders insisted, crossing his arms.

"Anders, I'm _not_ crazy…" Elissa started.

"Oh, you're crazy alright…" Oghren muttered, his snort of laughter silencing almost immediately when Elissa glared at him.

"Fine then, I'm a bleeding **loon**. Regardless, I need you to punch me." Elissa stood there, waiting… but still the mage did nothing. "I have _never_ wished Zevran was here more in my life. He'd just do it without asking."

"Well, from what I've heard Zevran tried to kill you as well so maybe you should ask Nathaniel to punch you." Anders groused, watching as Elissa's eyes flickered up to the archer again briefly considering the option.

"No, regardless of how much he might hate me at the moment, Nathaniel would never do it – and Oghren will break my jaw. You're my only option, Anders. Now _please,_ just hit me." Elissa said, bracing herself again – but seeing that the mage was resolved not to do as she asked. "Okay… I didn't want to have to do this but you're leaving me no choice…"

Anders looked confused for a moment, and noted out of the corner of his eye that Oghren backed slightly away.

"Magic is dangerous. _You_ are dangerous. The only reason I liberated you from those Templars was that woman pissed me off and I refused to see her win." Elissa said, watching the words starting to sink in. "At the end of the day you mages are really no better than an untrained mabari. The best I can do with you I'm afraid, is attempt to break you, glean what use I can from your mediocre talents, and put you down once you finally go wrong – which, is inevitable."

"You don't mean that…" Anders said, his voice and his body trembling with anger and hurt at her words. "You're just trying to upset me so I'll do what you want."

"You know, I traveled with a qunari during the Blight. He was a good friend of mine." Elissa said, taking a couple of steps closer to Anders and widening her most vicious smile. "I took a little trip with him to Par Vollen. They keep their mages in chains and collars there like proper beasts… perhaps I should contact him and get a set for you…"

That was all it took. Somewhere in Anders' mind a switch flipped and though he logically knew what Elissa was doing – the part of him that feared she believed her words took over and he swung hard at her face. She didn't dip, took the blow full force right on the edge of her mouth – crumbling forward to the ground and groaning as she clutched at her jaw. Nathaniel had to rush forward after that and physically restrain him before he could cast on her.

"See… was that so hard?" Elissa mumbled, standing slowly. "I swear, Anders, if I hadn't _seen_ you cast I'd swear you were meant to be a swordsman with that build. I think you nearly knocked a tooth out."

Anders calmed after that, yanking himself free from Nathaniel's grasp and walking forward to take her face in his hands and inspect the damage he'd caused to it. He'd split her bottom lip and caused her to bite through the edge of her tongue, not to mention the fist sized bruise that was already blooming on her jaw.

"If you heal it, you'll only have to do it again and I'd rather not have to rile you up again if you don't mind." Elissa said, pulling her face away from him when she saw the healing magic flow into his fingers on impulse.

"I knew you were lying…" Anders muttered, holding her eyes for a moment before she turned away.

"Mmm. Okay… I need you to take Nathaniel into The Keep and find the Seneschal. Varel will likely be in the throne room. Once you've found him let him know he will need to prepare the Joining and that I will meet you there as soon as I've gotten Alistair settled." Elissa explained, starting to move out from behind the cottage and motioning that Oghren should follow her.

Anders waited with Nathaniel behind the cottage, watching as Alistair turned and immediately rushed forward to inspect the damage to Elissa's face, which she waved off as nothing.

Oghren tossed out some comment about having a shoddy healer when he asked why she hadn't had it taken care of, and Anders felt himself tensing in response though he knew it was simply part of the ruse. Eventually the trio moved in through the gates.

"It's unsettling how good she is at that…" Anders noted, waiting for the archer to get moving so he could play his part in Elissa's plan.

"Elissa reads people. She always has." Nathaniel replied, turning Anders' attention back to him briefly.

"What's the deal with you two anyway?" Anders asked, eyes narrowing on him when he revealed even more of his intimate knowledge of the woman.

"If she hasn't told you, I suspect she doesn't want you to know." Nathaniel replied with a shrug. "And I've already got enough targets on my back without adding that one."

Realizing he was unlikely to get any more from the man, Anders simply guided them inside and tracked down the Seneschal as Elissa had requested.

* * *

><p>Elissa allowed Alistair to treat her injuries as she explained the sneak bandit attack that had resulted in her taking a clip to the jaw. She also explained how they'd had the timely addition of an archer who had kept her from taking further damage, and how she'd managed to recruit him shortly after.<p>

Alistair seemed content to believe what she had told him, but Elissa knew she'd pay for it later when the truth came out… and it always did. She had bigger things to worry about at the moment, leaving Alistair to converse with several of his advisers as she headed to the throne room to put Nathaniel through his Joining.

As anxious as she had been about the others, this was infinitely worse. She could already see it in her mind's eye. Nathaniel would drink from the poisoned chalice she offered him, and die there on the lushly carpeted floor of his father's throne room. Varel had to assure her five times that he would live before she would believe it – and even then she couldn't bring herself to touch him.

She gave instructions that he be taken to a room to sleep it off, and disappeared back to her own quarters anxious to find something that would drive off this horrible day.

* * *

><p>When Nathaniel woke hours later it was to a steady thumping sound and heavy breathing. He tried to sit up, but fell back again when his head throbbed painfully. It took a moment longer for his faculties to come back enough for him to recognize that what he was hearing were the distinct sounds of someone having sex in the next room.<p>

He looked around then, trying to place himself within the walls of his childhood home. Eventually he recognized that he was in what had once been his brother's room, right next to the Master Suite, and that meant he was hearing the worst thing he could think of. Alistair's mumbled "_Elissa_" a few moments later proved he'd been right, and Nathaniel grabbed the pillow and shoved it down over his face suddenly thinking it had been a horrible idea to come back here.

"I'm in hell." he mumbled to no one, his fury mounting again when he thought about her deliberately placing him next door to her personal quarters and proceeding to bed the King. "I guess I know what my punishment is…"

Thankfully, they appeared to be done with that particular activity, having moved on to some sort of discussion. Nathaniel didn't want to listen, but found himself unable to stop doing it – sitting up in the bed and leaning his head against the wall to get a better idea of things. It was like peering in through a window at a world that should have belonged to him, and would have if things hadn't spun so wildly out of control.

As he listened to the pair discussing, then arguing about wedding plans – he couldn't help but envision a future where it was him sharing the Master Suite with Elissa, planning out their wedding after having taken over the arling for his father. He shook it off as quickly as it had come. That future would never be and it was best not to dwell on it.

He listened to the strain in Elissa's voice as she yelled at the King, stomping out of the room and slamming the door behind her. Inside the room the King responded with a long sigh, and Nathaniel could imagine that feeling more clearly than he'd like.

He sat up then, dressing quickly and preparing to go and find Elissa. There were questions that needed to be answered.

* * *

><p>Elissa went back to her quarters after it was certain that Nathaniel would survive, anxious to put the day behind her – useless as it had been. Most of it was spent walking in circles, and in the end she'd only added to the stresses in her world rather than taking away.<p>

As she lay there, attempting to bask in the afterglow of her most recent lovemaking session with Alistair, she couldn't keep her mind from going back to Nathaniel. Bringing him here was a mistake, she was certain of that. It was going to bring her nothing but pain, and yet – she couldn't have denied his request even if she'd wanted to. Years between them and she was still that lovesick little girl who couldn't say no to Nathaniel Howe.

She became angry then, thinking that he still held some modicum of control over her after all this time. It was in that moment that Alistair decided it would be a good idea to broach a particularly sensitive subject.

"So… Eamon wants to know if you've given any more thought to setting a date for the wedding?" Alistair said, flinching even before she'd responded as he knew what a dangerous topic this was to bring up.

"Eamon wants to know, or _you_ want to know?" Elissa replied, folding her arms over her chest and inspecting him cautiously.

"It was Eamon's idea to ask, but… I am curious if you ever actually plan to go through with it?" Alistair answered, sitting up and reaching over to take the hand that wore his ring.

"Of course I plan to go through with it!" Elissa assured him with a sigh. "But I can't exactly plan a wedding when I'm dealing with all this mess, can I?"

"No, I suppose you're right…" Alistair admitted, still unable to shake the sensation that she would be delaying the ceremony regardless of the conditions she'd found upon arriving in Amaranthine.

"Eamon _knows_ what it does to me when you pressure me about this." Elissa continued, her frustration with his uncle amplifying her temper as she was already at her breaking point from the other stresses of her day.

"Pressure you? I asked you a question, Elissa. I'd hardly call that pressuring you." Alistair replied, shaking his head when he realized what was coming.

"Regardless, Eamon sent you here with a bomb and he knew it. He instigates these fights between us, Alistair. I can't believe that you don't see it." Elissa continued, picking at the blankets in anxiety. "The man hates me. He always has."

"Eamon doesn't hate you, Elissa. You're being paranoid." Alistair replied, sighing and threading his fingers into his hair as they entered the circle of an argument they'd already had way too many times.

"I'm paranoid about a lot of things, but not this. Your uncle hates me. He pushes you to ask about the wedding because he knows it will frustrate me and then I'll yell at you and then you'll get all wounded and eventually he figures we'll just call the whole thing off." Elissa continued, pulling up onto her knees and waving her arms about. "Then he can find you a proper wife who sits about knitting and cranking out Theirin babies for you."

"Elissa… my uncle is not plotting against us." Alistair huffed, sitting up himself. "We argue because you have a bad day and then use any excuse you can find to vent it on me just like you've always done. It's alright, I understand, but I'm not going to let you turn it in to a witch hunt when it isn't."

"A bad day? You think I'm taking my frustration out on you because I've had a _bad day_?" Elissa snorted, shaking her head. "Unbelievable!" She jumped out of the bed then, tugging on her clothes in frustration. "You know what, Alistair. I _did_ have a bad day. I've had a string of them since I left Denerim… and maybe I am frustrated and taking a bit of that out on you, but that doesn't change the fact that your uncle does not like me and sent you here with that question in your mind _knowing_ full well what it would cause when you asked it."

"And now, what? You're going to go off in a huff to take it out on someone else?" Alistair asked, watching her yank on her boots and wrap a side scabbard for one of her longswords around her waist.

"No. Now I'm going to go try and diffuse myself so I don't bite your head off leaving you time to pack up your things and get on the road to your meeting at the Bannorn." Elissa replied, glaring at him.

"You're kicking me out?" Alistair snorted, not believing what was happening – she'd seemed fine when she came to bed.

"Yes. I'm kicking you out, but it's for your own good. This way I won't take anything else out on you while I'm so _irrational_ from my bad day – and you can finally do what you were supposed to do in the Bannorn weeks ago." Elissa explained, walking past the bed and heading for the door.

"It's the middle of the night, Elissa!" Alistair said, pushing forward to grab her arm as she walked by, tugging her to a standstill. "And this is not the way I want to leave things."

"The sun will be up in an hour, Alistair. By the time you've packed and gathered your men it will be plenty light." Elissa replied, tugging her arm away and continuing on her path – though she did turn back to look at him one last time. "I'll see you when you get back."

Then she was gone, leaving Alistair to his thoughts in the silence of a room that suddenly felt very foreign to him.

* * *

><p>Elissa wandered the halls for awhile, not sure where she was headed – wishing she could simply ride away from the entire place and everyone in it never to return. Eventually she ended up on the ramparts watching as Alistair moved his company out of the courtyard gates in the rising sun. He looked up just before he left, pulled by the call of her blood, but made no gesture of farewell to her – simply turning himself back to whatever conversation he'd been having with one of his knights.<p>

When Nathaniel made it to the ramparts himself, he was not surprised to find her there. He hadn't had to look. There were only two places on the grounds of Vigil's Keep that Elissa would naturally go, and he assumed the other was just as off limits to her at the moment as it was to him.

He watched her standing there in the rising sun, long curls of red whipping about in the wind and catching the light in a way that made it appear as though she was wreathed in living flame. It was an accurate metaphor for the woman – just as likely to warm you, as she was to burn. She'd certainly burned the King when she'd tossed him from not just her bedchamber but the entire Keep.

"I'm certain if you asked the man, he'd probably stay…" Nathaniel said finally, watching her toying with a ring that was bound with a leather cord around her neck. She wasn't wearing a ring on her finger, and as she seemed intensely displeased to watch him leaving he assumed it to be the King's.

"Nathaniel…" Elissa gasped, dropping the trinket quickly beneath the fabric of her tunic. "I didn't hear you come up." She hadn't sensed him either, which she supposed made sense. The pull from Alistair's blood was quite strong and he was still newly made, the taint within him barely louder to her than that of the odd darkspawn.

"It's understandable. You're a bit distracted, what with the strain of planning a wedding and all…" he mumbled, leaning casually against the wall and knowing he was waking the dragon.

"I would have thought eavesdropping to be beneath you, Nathaniel." she muttered in reply, not turning to look at him though he could see the flick of the muscle in her jaw betray her mask of neutrality.

"It's hardly eavesdropping when you have me put in the room next door." Nathaniel retorted, and she turned her face to him then. "The walls are not so thick and you are not so quiet as to make it difficult to hear anything I did or _didn't_ want to after that."

"They put you in Thomas' room? I-I'm sorry…" Elissa said, a flicker of something passing across her face as she realized how much he must have heard. "I'll have you moved to your old room as soon as possible. Or, you can take another somewhere else in the undamaged portion of The Keep if you'd like."

"He's right you know," he said, watching her body tense up though she made no other reaction. "You do tend to take things out on people that are not their fault."

"If you've _actually_ come up here to discuss my relationship with Alistair than you're either more masochistic than I've given you credit for, or you've grown distinctly stupid over the years," she answered with a snort, folding her arms across her chest but still not looking at him. "Either way, that subject is off limits – particularly to you."

"I remember a time when there was nothing you wouldn't say to me." Nathaniel said, punctuating the thought with a short sad laugh.

"And I remember a time when you weren't trying to kill me…" Elissa said, turning to him and rubbing at her face in frustration. "Honestly, Nathaniel, what did you come up here for? If it was to bait me you've succeeded – but I've not the patience to fight with you right now so if you've accomplished your goal for the day then just leave me be, please."

"No, wait… I actually did come here with a purpose." he started, watching her drop her hands and wait for him to give it. "I had questions about the whole blood drinking thing… I mean, obviously there is a reason for it."

"Yes, there's a reason for it…" she said, chuckling a bit when she realized that Nathaniel had been the only one of the new recruits curious enough to actually _ask_ about it. "Ugh… well, let's go round the rest of them up then." Elissa brushed past him, opening the door and not waiting for him to follow behind her, though he did.

"Round the rest of _who_ up?" Nathaniel asked, happy he was tall enough not to have to take two steps at a time just to keep up with her.

"The other joinees." Elissa replied, pulling a length of cord from her belt and wrapping her hair into a messy braid. "I only want to go through this once."

The hallways of The Keep were still dim in the still growing light of the new day, and Nathaniel got the distinct feeling that something was watching him from the shadows. A moment later Elissa was shoving him roughly to the side and drawing her sword, bringing it up in an arc to block the incoming blow of the man who had suddenly materialized from the darkness.

"Just stay out of the way!" Elissa chastised, catching Nathaniel's eye in the brief moment he considered helping her though he had no weapons of his own.

She blocked another two blows from her attacker's long daggers and spun, bringing up a long leg to knock one of his blades clattering down the hall – making her feel a bit more comfortable now that they both had only one weapon to fight with.

The man took the upper hand for a moment, superior height giving him a longer reach as he swung out in her direction – a blow that she only just managed to avoid as she spun to the side and jammed an elbow into his spine. It sent him hard against the opposite wall, jarring his other dagger loose and leaving Elissa completely in charge as she pinned him roughly against the wall, pressing the point of her sword to his throat.

The man was completely covered in black leather armor, his head and face wrapped with a swath of black cloth that concealed everything except for a very distinct pair of yellow eyes that seemed to shine out of the shadows. Elissa was breathing heavily from the fight as she reached up her free hand to tug loose the cloth, revealing a handsome face and a mop of reddish-brown hair.

"I could have killed you, you lunatic." Elissa said, raising an eyebrow at the man.

It was then that Nathaniel noticed the way that she was leaning against him, pinned though he was at the tip of her blade. The casual way that her body leaned into his, and the distinctly familiar motion of his hands as he draped them a little too close to her rear – made it obvious that the pair had a history - a much more intimate history than Nathaniel cared to imagine.

"But you didn't." the man grumbled, his voice rough – almost more a growl than a tone.

"What are you doing lurking about my halls anyway?" Elissa asked him, returning the half smile he offered her. "Shouldn't you be looking after the King now that Zevran's gone to Antiva?"

"It was the King who sent me." the man replied, shifting his hands a bit lower and forcing Nathaniel to speak if only to keep him from reaching his destination.

"So I take it you know this man?" Nathaniel asked, watching the two look at him as though they had forgotten he was there.

"Sadly I know most of the people who try to kill me…" Elissa chuckled, pushing away from the wall and sheathing her blade as the man opposite her stood. "Nathaniel, this is Swiftrunner. Swiftrunner, Nathaniel."

"Swiftrunner?" Nathaniel asked, earning a shrug in response from the man as he shook his hand reluctantly.

"Così questa è la sua cicatrice permanente?" Swiftrunner asked, using another language to communicate with Elissa under the assumption that Nathaniel would not understand them.

"Il uno e solo." Elissa replied, tossing a passing glance in Nathaniel's direction that would have made it obvious they were speaking of him even if he _didn't_ speak fluent Antivan.

He was content to allow them to believe he didn't know, for the moment – knowing it would be more trouble than it was worth to reveal that particular secret right now. Instead of participating in the conversation, he simply fell in behind them and observed the conversation attempting to figure out just what this man was to her.

"You almost got me a couple of times." Elissa chuckled, bouncing her hip against his companionably. "You've been practicing."

"What good am I to you if I don't improve my skills, My Lady." Swiftrunner replied, bouncing her back.

"How many times must I ask you not to call me that, Dastan?" Elissa huffed, rolling her eyes at the unnecessary formality.

"At least once more, I'm afraid…" Swiftrunner replied, smiling at the sound of his proper name on her lips. She was the only one who used it with any regularity now that he'd remembered it, and it made him feel more human every time she did. He took her hand then, kissing it softly and then letting it drop to her side with a squeeze.

"Unconscionable flirt…" Elissa chastised, turning back to Nathaniel and sending them both off in the direction of the chamber they were now using as a rec room of sorts, promising to join them as soon as she had rounded up the others.

* * *

><p>When Elissa finally made her way back to the room, she was armed and armored and had pulled her hair back into the severe buns she wore at the base of her neck. She also had a distinctly sleepy looking mage and still drunken dwarf in tow behind her. She tossed a pile of armor and two daggers onto the table across from Nathaniel, watching as the group took their seats and waited for her to begin.<p>

"What's this?" Nathaniel asked, looking at the pile then back to her.

"_That_ is a suit of armor, and those shiny pointy things are daggers." Elissa deadpanned, setting the entire room to laughter at his expense, which only served to frustrate him more than he already was after waking up to the sounds of her having sex then having to watch another man paw at her for twenty minutes.

"I _know_ what it is, Elissa." Nathaniel hissed, narrowing his eyes at her. "I meant why are you giving this to me? I have a suit of armor and daggers if you'd like to give them back to me."

"Yes, well that armor is drakescale which is distinctly better than what you were wearing – and those daggers are the Thorns of the Gods, which put yours to shame… so I suggest you come to terms with the loss of your old ones." Elissa replied, sighing and waiting for him to simply accept that she wasn't going to bend on this so she could move on. "I left your bow in your room for the time being as I've no other to replace it, but I've contacted my friends in the Dalish camps and commissioned a Silverbark piece to be made for you. It should be ready in a few weeks."

"I apologize that my accoutrements were not up to your high standards, Commander…" Nathaniel spat bitterly, sliding the entire stack of things to the side and slamming his feet up onto the bench.

"Oh, bloody hell, Nathaniel!" Elissa snapped, slamming her fists down on the table in frustration. "I'm not insulting you! It's my _job_ to make sure you're wearing and armed with the best I can provide for you. Just take it and be grateful!"

"Well, today looks to be another barrel of laughs, doesn't it?" Anders quipped, trying to diffuse some of the tension already flowing freely between the two rogues.

"I apologize…" Elissa said, taking in a deep breath and standing. "I didn't call you all here to yell. I actually wanted to discuss some of what being a Grey Warden means. I know some of you have questions, but hold on to them if you will. I'm likely to explain everything anyhow and this isn't exactly pleasant so I just want to get through it."

Oghren burped, Anders nodded, and Nathaniel just rolled his eyes again – so Elissa sighed and continued.

"Well, some of you already know that partaking in the Joining grants you the ability to track the movements of the darkspawn, giving the Wardens a distinct advantage when it comes to fighting them off." Elissa began, watching Oghren pull out his flask and settle in for what seemed to be a rather lengthy discussion.

"Oh, so _that's_ what you were doing when you'd go all intense and grope the walls!" Anders noted, remembering her fighting to get a read before they'd headed to the ramparts days before.

"I don't recall _groping_ anything, but yes… that's what I was doing, or rather attempting to do. These darkspawn are… off… but we'll cover that later." Elissa continued, just wanting to press through. "The taint also allows us to kill the Archdemon."

"So, my father was wrong…" Nathaniel muttered, drawing Elissa's attention once again. "About the whole Warden thing, at any rate. They are necessary to end a Blight."

"Yes, they are necessary." Elissa replied, laughing bitterly when she realized that of course he wasn't admitting his father had been entirely wrong. "If anyone other than a Warden kills an Archdemon, it simply jumps into the next darkspawn body and starts again. If a Warden kills it, the taint within us draws the soul… but it ends both the Archdemon _and_ the Warden in the process."

"Wait? How can that be true if you're alive?" Anders asked, hearing Oghren take a long pull from his flask and noting that even their newest addition seemed to shift uncomfortably in his spot by the fire.

"I'm not meant to be." Elissa replied, holding his eyes.

"What do you mean, you aren't _meant_ to be?" Nathaniel asked, pulling her gaze to his own and not liking what he saw there.

"I mean exactly what I said. I should be dead. I should _not_ be standing here explaining this to you." Elissa answered, shrugging her shoulders.

"Then why are you?" Anders asked, earning the attention of both Elissa and Nathaniel in response.

"The circumstances under which I killed the Archdemon were… unique." Elissa answered, pulling in a long breath. "I… would like to give you more information, but it is not entirely my story to tell, and so, I must simply ask you to leave it at that for now."

"So, it's to do with the King, then?" Nathaniel asked, watching a flicker of anger pass across Elissa's face when she turned back to him.

"I _said_ leave it for now." Elissa retorted.

"Fine. I have my answer anyway." Nathaniel responded, folding his arms and smiling smugly back at her.

"Arrogant bastard…" Elissa muttered, watching a flash of anger in Nathaniel's steel grey eyes answer the flicker in the green of her own. "Okay, now the distinctly _less_ pleasant bits about your newly acquired Warden powers."

"There's something _less_ pleasant than having to die in order to kill the Archdemon?" Anders asked, looking to Oghren for some sort of support but he only shrugged.

"Maybe not? But there is more that isn't good. I warned you when I conscripted you that you might come to resent me for it." Elissa said, sighing and leaning against the table behind her as she began to rattle off the long list of negatives. "You'll have nightmares. They're usually worse during a proper Blight, but that doesn't mean you won't have them even though we aren't in one now. It's your connection to the hive mind of the horde, it's usually more active while you're sleeping. The taint also increases your appetites – you're going to be hungrier, thirstier, and likely a lot more horny."

"Well, _that's_ not so bad." Anders snickered, listening to the answering chuckles from the other men in the room, even Nathaniel unable to stop himself from laughing in spite of his anger.

"Yeah, laugh it up. You won't think it's so funny when we're stuck on the road somewhere with only each other." Elissa grinned, listening to the laughter trail off though Anders winked at her.

"The Commander had the old pike-twirler to help her out with that last time," Oghren noted, drawing a glare from Elissa that was meant to silence though he continued to talk. "The things I heard coming from their room sometimes…"

"That will be _enough_ of that, thank you Oghren…" Elissa hissed, at least having the decency to blush when she felt Nathaniel's eyes on her.

"What _are_ you going to do about that now that you won't be traveling with the King?" Anders asked, knowing she wanted the subject dropped but unable to keep himself from pressing it a little further. "Inquisitive minds want to know."

"Curiosity killed the cat, Anders…" Elissa threatened, though he could see her trying not to smile. "But, I suppose I'll be taking care of myself if it comes to it – much the same as _you_ lot."

"Keep talking like that, Commander, and the mage is likely to have to take care of himself right here." Oghren chuckled, burping afterward.

"Nice, Oghren. Very nice." Elissa said, rolling her eyes and leaning forward to pass a pointed and very serious look around the room. "The taint will leave you barren and progressively increase within your blood, eventually taking over your mind and sending you off in search of your own death… not so funny anymore, is it?"

"So, we're going to die?" Anders asked, sounding a bit more shaken than he'd been by any of the rest of the news she'd delivered.

"You were going to die anyway." Elissa answered, her voice distinctly emotionless. "This just narrows the possibilities for the _how_ part and gives you a time frame."

"A time frame?" Anders asked, looking distinctly confused.

"How long?" Nathaniel asked, the anger radiating off him in waves at this point as he realized what she'd done in bringing him back here.

"Thirty years, give or take." Elissa replied, holding his gaze easily.

"How nice it must be for you to have killed me and ended the Howe bloodline in one fell swoop." Nathaniel spat bitterly, shaking his head in silent laughter.

"_You_ came to _me_, Nathaniel – not the other way around. I tried to send you away, twice. I suggest you remember that before you accuse me of doing anything more than giving you **exactly** what you asked for." Elissa hissed, glaring at him before pulling herself back upright and pulling loose her blades. Though Nathaniel didn't so much as flinch at the motion, Anders was up immediately and trying to stop her from attacking anyone.

"Hey, hey… let's not be hasty…" Anders said, reaching toward her and laughing nervously. "Sure, the archer's got a smart mouth… but so do I and you haven't tried to kill me yet!"

"I'm not going to kill anyone, Anders." Elissa sighed, rubbing at her forehead wearily. "I'm just trying to illustrate a point, if you'd just sit back down." He did as he was told, watching as she laid first one blade, and then the other on the table between them. "When you look at these swords, what do you see?"

"Someone with a great deal of coin to spend." Nathaniel snipped, rolling his eyes and completely missing the point.

"These blades cost me nothing, actually." Elissa retorted, smirking at him. "They were gifts from friends of mine, though I did provide the materials."

"They're beautifully made… I can feel the hum of the lyrium in them from here." Anders said, reaching forward to run a finger across one of them and watching small bits of flame spring to life as his skin made contact with the runes worked into the metal.

"Yes, they're nice swords – but still, not my point." Elissa sighed, rubbing at her temples in frustration. "It's the hilts that are important, not the blades themselves."

Nathaniel instantly recognized one of them as what had once been the Cousland family sword, but said nothing, refusing to play her game any further than he already had.

"This one, is called Starfang. The hilt belonged to the former Warden-Commander, and the man who saved my life, Duncan." Elissa said, touching the first sword with the tips of her fingers. "This one, is called Vigilance. The hilt belonged to my father." She continued, touching the second blade before bringing her eyes up to the group once again. "Both of these men were exceptionally influential in my life, without them – I would not be standing here – and yet both of them were taken from me by the traitorous acts of one man."

"Is there an actual _point_ to this nonsense, or are you simply trying to goad me into attacking you so you can kill me faster than your tainted blood already is?" Nathaniel hissed, running out of the small amount of patience he'd had left before she started speaking.

"My _point_ is, we've all come into this new family with our own scars." Elissa explained, listening to Nathaniel's bitter laughter as she referred to this nightmare as a _family_. "Laugh if you like, Nathaniel – but we **are** family, you'll learn that in time. No one else will understand you the way another Warden can, no one else is capable. You are no longer a part of the regular world – and you never will be again." She earned a glare from him for that, but continued with her original point regardless. "Look, we've all got our own burdens to carry. I fight with my own demons every day, and I carry these with me to remind me of what brought me here."

"That seems overly dramatic even for you." Nathaniel snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Can you not drop the attitude for _one_ second and listen to what I'm trying to tell you?" Elissa yelled, stomping angrily over to him and leaning down into his face so that her nose very nearly touched against his own. "I know you're angry, trust me, I know! I'm trying to tell you that it's okay to be angry!"

"I'm so glad I have my _Commander's_ permission to feel emotions." Nathaniel hissed, glaring up at her now fully furious.

"**Shut up and listen**!" Elissa growled, reaching forward and wrapping her hand over his mouth – squeezing hard enough to make his jaw hurt beneath her hand. "I know you are angry. I know you are angry at the world, angry at yourself, angry at me…and that you feel totally righteous in that anger. I know these things better than you can imagine because I live with them every day and I have for years."

She could feel the muscles in his jaw flexing and the quick pace of his breathing against her hand and knew it was all he could do not to throttle her.

"Now, you can let it go – let it consume you, let it turn you into the monster you _think_ that you are simply because you share the same bloodline as your horrific excuse for a father. Or, you can take it and shape it into something you can use."

She shoved his face as she stomped back to reclaim her blades, slamming them back into their sheaths at her back with a small flourish. "Fight it, don't fight it – I can't make those choices for you. I can't make them for any of you. You'll either conquer your demons in the end and be stronger for having done it, or you'll lose and they'll destroy you in the process. But these are your journeys to take, not mine."

"Did you conquer yours?" Nathaniel asked, turning her back to him as she made her way to the door – anxious to get as far from his company as she could manage.

"The fight is ongoing." Elissa replied, holding his eyes for only a moment – but just long enough to show him just how torn up she was inside over everything and make him feel slightly guilty for the part he'd played in it. "Gear up, eat, and meet me in the throne room in an hour. We have things to do."

After that, she was gone and Nathaniel snatched up his pile of stuff and disappeared shortly after her. Leaving the rest of the room in stunned silence wondering just how long it would be before one of them killed the other.


	5. Chapter 5: The Skeletons in the Basement

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Some language and references to darker themes in the chapter, but nothing overtly vulgar. You have been warned!_

_Muse Music: All We'd Ever Need and Wanted You More by Lady Antebellum._

_Thanks to my wonderful readers, followers and reviewers and too my exceptionally patient Lady Beta **artemiskat** who got to listen to me "squee like a fangirl" over this one! Hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Five: The Skeletons in the Basement<strong>_

Nathaniel was still fuming from his earlier encounter with Elissa when he made it to the throne room, happy to walk in and see that he had somehow managed to arrive there ahead of the crowd. It gave him a bit more time to attempt to wrangle his raging emotions back to a manageable level before the rest of his new _family_ arrived, something he desperately needed.

He'd been a fool to come back, he knew that now – not that it mattered. He was bound by blood to this life he had chosen in a fit of pique and the only way out was with his death. Elissa had tried to warn him, standing there in the dead end road of a long gone village repeatedly attempting to dissuade him from the path he'd been resolutely set to follow. He should have listened to her. He should have just walked away. Instead he was stuck here in this nightmare where everywhere he looked he only saw her face, in the present or in a memory. It didn't matter. She was omnipresent and he couldn't escape from her. He never would.

He started to pace in his frustration, flexing his arms in his new armor. Elissa had been right about that too. It was leagues beyond the quality of his old armor and fit him perfectly, as though it had been tailored specifically to fit his body. As he paced, he realized that the armor still smelled faintly of the lilac oil she'd always worn, meaning she'd carried it around with her for some time before giving it to him. The combined notions only added to the already tempestuous swirl of emotions within him. It was a constant battle between the urge to kiss her and the equally distinct urge to punch her right in her perfect little nose.

It was at that exact moment that the very object of his obsession decided to come barreling into the room, flipping angrily through her newest stack of correspondence and flopping into the distinctly uncomfortable chair that sat up on the dais. Assuming that she simply didn't notice him there, Nathaniel allowed himself to fade into the shadows – content to simply sit and observe her for awhile.

She was every bit as beautiful as the last time he'd seen her, a little rougher around the edges and more firmly bound in muscle, but still that same pretty girl that had dropped out of a tree and stolen his heart. She toyed with a loose curl, wrapping it around her finger and then letting it slide away as she chewed her lip – the familiar motion sending a pang of tenderness through his heart when it brought him memories of another time.

"Come on out, Nathaniel." Elissa said when it became obvious that he'd lurk there all day given the chance. "Like I said, we've things to accomplish. Can't have you hovering about in the shadows all day, though – your skills of concealment are impressive. I'll give you that."

"If you didn't see me, then how did you know I was here?" Nathaniel asked, moving slowly out of the shadows to where she was sitting – annoyed when she still didn't look up at him.

"I can track the taint in your blood. It's faint, but it's there. Just another ability you'll figure out how to use eventually as you adjust." Elissa explained, flipping open what he guessed was her journal and scribbling something down frantically inside it. "Also, I can smell you. Leather, the oil you use on your bow, and something earthy that's always just kind of been _you_. Some things don't change no matter how much time passes…"

She lost the rest of that thought, finally looking up at him and hearing the catch in her own breath before she could prevent it from happening. She'd known the armor would fit him. Riordan had it commissioned from some of the drake scale she'd collected before his untimely death, and as the man had turned out to be far more similar to Nathaniel's current build than she'd ever have imagined, it had been natural to hand it over. It had not occurred to Elissa just how _well_ it could fit him, or how attractive the deep blue of it would be against his pale skin and dark hair.

Nathaniel had seen the slow pass of her eyes over his body. He'd watched the brief flash of desire bloom to life within the depths of those green eyes before she managed to control it and shove it back down beneath her mask of neutrality. He didn't even try to fight down the victorious smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth in response to it – the knowledge that he still managed to get under her skin just as much as she got under his in spite of the facade she presented to the contrary. He was about to point it out, but the thought died on his lips when the rest of their group trailed noisily into the room breaking the tension and ending whatever moment they might have had.

"Are you two playing nicely?" Anders quipped, smirking though he was honestly concerned that they could turn violent again at any moment.

"For the moment." Elissa sighed, snapping her journal shut with a sigh and stuffing it into her pack where it sat beside the chair.

Swiftrunner laughed as he leaned against the back edge of the chair, draping his arm around the back and allowing his fingers to trace random patterns against the leather of her shoulder. Nathaniel glared at him, which – judging from the grin he received in response, was exactly what the man had been going for.

"If you're going to touch me inappropriately, at least make it worth the effort it takes me to chastise you." Elissa insisted, looking up at Swiftrunner and attempting to diffuse whatever it was passing between him and Nathaniel before it got out of hand. "At least Zevran used to massage my poor aching muscles _before_ he groped me."

"And, once again, I'm left jealous of this Zevran fellow and I don't even know the bloke." Anders muttered, shaking his head and sharing a laugh with Swiftrunner who cleared his throat and stood up straight.

"Yes, yes… more entertainment at Elissa's expense. I'm here all day." Elissa chuckled, rolling her eyes and standing to shoulder her pack. "Now come along. We're off to clean out the darkspawn in the dungeons."

"I'm sorry. I thought I just heard you say dungeons." Anders chuckled, waiting for the punch line that never came. "Wait… you're serious… there's a dungeon here?" Elissa just shrugged, and so Anders turned to Nathaniel for verification, having finally pulled enough information out of a drunken Oghren to discover that Vigil's Keep had once been Nathaniel's home. "Your home has a dungeon?"

"It's hardly my _home_ anymore…" Nathaniel responded, gritting his teeth in frustration that Elissa hadn't simply answered the question instead of leaving him to deal with it. "But yes, Father kept a proper dungeon in case it was necessary to keep order in the Arling."

"_Rendon_ kept a dungeon because he enjoyed torturing and imprisoning people for his own amusement." Elissa interjected, looking back and accepting the hateful glare Nathaniel gave her in response to that comment. "Think what you want, Nathaniel, but your father built a doorway off of his bedroom that led down into the torture chambers underneath Denerim Castle. I'd imagine it was so he could pop down for a little nightcap before he went to sleep at the end of his long days of attempting to kill me."

"That's sick!" Anders spat, his forehead wrinkling in disgust as he turned back to look at Nathaniel, which only infuriated the man more.

"You've no proof of that!" Nathaniel yelled, taking a couple of paces forward in his anger before Swiftrunner cut off any direct route to Elissa.

"Believe it or don't." Elissa shrugged, blinking slowly and calmly and knowing that Nathaniel had been in that Castle even longer than she had, whether he was admitting it yet or not. "I can take you there and show it to you when next we're in Denerim if seeing it will make you feel better."

He could see her trying to read him, searching for something in his reaction – though he didn't know what it was. Eventually, she must have been satisfied with whatever it was she found, because she turned away and led them down the long stairs into his father's dungeon.

* * *

><p>"You don't always wear robes, do you?" Nathaniel asked, desperate for some sort of distraction to keep him from focusing on the constant flirtation between Elissa and Swiftrunner up ahead. The mage always seemed willing to engage in pithy conversation with Elissa, so he figured it was worth a shot.<p>

"Not when I'm naked I don't." Anders replied, winking at him and smiling when it made him cringe in response.

"I didn't mean ever, I simply meant…" Nathaniel sighed then, wondering when it had become the routine of everyone to try to have a laugh at his expense. "When you run from the Circle, wouldn't the robes make you easy to spot?"

"So does the _I'm a mage!_ sign around my neck." Anders replied, seeing that the man was simply attempting to make friendly conversation but not ready to trust him yet. He upset Elissa and Anders liked Elissa, which made them natural enemies as far as he was concerned. "I like to make it easy for the Templars. It's difficult to go through life that stupid and easily manipulated."

"Ah, so that's how it's going to be…" Nathaniel sniffed, following the mage's eyes up to Elissa's back and reading clearly the silent message that _her_ friends were not _his_.

"That's how it's going to be." Anders replied, watching the archer nod sadly and hold up his hands in surrender, backing away in silence. He felt bad for a moment, but only a moment – trotting forward to catch up with the dwarf and refocusing himself on more interesting conversation.

_How do you inspire such loyalty so quickly_? Nathaniel wondered, watching the other three men joking with or near her as though they didn't have a care in the world, and feeling profoundly alone.

* * *

><p>"Well, here we are…" Elissa said, bringing the group to a stop just inside the entry room at the end of the long series of tunnels leading down beneath the earth. "I had no idea how deep The Keep actually went…" Her eyes passed over the walls and the unsettling collection of Avaar statues with a hint of disgust and Nathaniel tried not to let it bother him. "It looks like the walls down here haven't been properly maintained in centuries."<p>

"I suspect it takes a lot of work to maintain a creepy underground torture palace." Anders quipped, and Elissa chuckled for a moment before catching the venom in Nathaniel's eyes. She stifled her laughter and did her best to pull her mirth back under control.

"That crazy dwarf's explosives didn't do us any favors…" Elissa continued, looking anxiously at the supports and the streams of dirt falling down between them as though they might collapse on them at any moment.

"This may be how the darkspawn got in without being detected." Swiftrunner grumbled, looking up at her from the nearby bodies he was inspecting near the entry door.

"Everyone I've spoken to says no one saw them approach on the surface, so it makes sense that they'd come in from below… it happened back at the Tower of Ishal." Elissa noted, a brief flicker of shadow passing across her face at that memory that was quickly subverted as she turned to question Nathaniel. "Have you any idea how far down these sub levels go?"

"None." Nathaniel shrugged. "The Keep's been here since the barbarians, or that's what Father used to say. I've only been down here a few times myself and that was against his wishes so I didn't exactly get the guided tour. Any guess you have on what lies at the bottom is as good as mine."

"Hey, is that a dog?" Anders piped up suddenly, starting to dash forward before Elissa managed to catch him across the stomach with her arm.

"That's a mabari, and it's wounded." Elissa explained, the words meaning nothing to Anders who had never seen a warhound before. "That means stay back and give me a second to calm it first lest it rip out your throat."

"What's to keep it from ripping out your throat then?" Anders asked, watching her move slowly toward the creature, kneeling down to the floor in front of it and reaching out her hands so that it could sniff them at its own leisure.

"Nothing I suppose… though I used to have one." Elissa smiled, stroking the dog's great head tenderly when it accepted her presence and laid its snout against her knee. "Gladius. I miss that dog. Gave him to some dwarven merchant friends of mine. Sandal just adored him."

"Gladius?" Nathaniel snorted, drawing a glare out of her that quieted his laughter as quickly as it started.

"Fergus named him if you must know. He claimed it was a manly dog that needed a manly name... though it turned out to be a girl." Elissa explained, inspecting the dog for wounds and finding that aside from a few small cuts here and there he was mostly unharmed. The taint flowing through his blood might get him in the end unless they could find the proper herbs to treat it with. "There's a note here… from… oh, Nathaniel…" Her hand came up to cover her mouth, eyes gone wide as she brought them up to his.

"What?" Nathaniel replied, rushing forward in a panic at what could possibly be written on that paper to have her so concerned for him that she'd actually show the emotion to him and an entire room of people. "This is from, Adria! She was… she was like a mother to me." He said, swallowing hard as he watched her stand.

"I remember…" Elissa replied, turning back to the door and trying to sense something from within. It was distant, but there, and Elissa sighed in relief with the realization that in time she would be able to track these new darkspawn as well as she had the others.

"We have to save her, Elissa." Nathaniel demanded, shaking the parchment at her as though she'd forgotten. He'd long since forgotten what Anders had said about her _groping the walls_ in an attempt to sense the creatures beyond them so to him it looked as though she'd simply gone back to her inspection of the integrity of the lower levels of the keep.

"I don't intend to leave her down here without at least attempting to if _that's_ what you're insinuating!" Elissa snipped, glaring up at him through narrowed eyes. "But you need to prepare yourself for the eventuality that there may be nothing left to save."

"If she's dead, she's dead. I've seen enough to be able to deal with that." Nathaniel retorted, even more infuriated that she would coddle him like a child.

"There are worse things than death, Nathaniel…" Elissa said, her eyes haunted as she held his for a moment longer, finally turning and pressing through the long descending hallway ahead. "Much worse things…"

Swiftrunner and Anders fell in behind her, but Nathaniel grabbed the plate metal of Oghren's shoulder before he could disappear down the corridor himself.

"What did she mean there are _worse_ things?" Nathaniel asked, knowing that the dwarf had spent enough time in Elissa's company to have some idea of the horrors he'd just seen flash behind the green of her eyes.

"The spawn aren't kind to the women folk they… _capture_…" Oghren responded, holding Nathaniel's eyes for only a second before whatever he remembered forced him to take another long pull from his hip flask. "You want information beyond that, you ask the Commander herself."

Nathaniel nodded, releasing the dwarf and watching him trudge down the darkening hallway, even more shaken at what could possibly be bad enough to upset them both. When he caught up to the group at the bottom, Elissa was standing with her forehead against the closed door, a palm on either side of the archway.

"Can you sense anything this time?" Anders asked, looking at her quizzically.

"It's becoming easier…" Elissa replied, her eyes still closed though Nathaniel could make out the motion of them beneath her lids – as though she were searching through the darkness. "I can also _hear_ them moving in there if you'd shut up." She opened her eyes then, smiling sweetly at the man though the irritation in her words could not be missed.

"Well pardon me for asking questions!" Anders snipped, folding his arms and making a face at her as she turned back to the group.

"Alright. I'm still learning to read these things so I can't give you an exact number but there are a lot of darkspawn in that room, all drones, one Emissary." Elissa pulled out her swords as she talked, turning her attention up to Nathaniel. "You're the only one who doesn't know my rule at this point, so I'm going to tell you now in the hopes that I don't have to repeat myself again. Casters first – _always_ casters first. If it's got a staff and it's standing, put it down – am I clear?" Nathaniel nodded, a bit excited at the anticipation of fighting and to see Elissa shifting into a role he'd never seen before. "Aside from that, I know you were an exceptional archer in our youth and I can only assume you've gotten better in the years we spent apart so stay back, and keep them off my pretty mage."

"Is that all I am to you?" Anders huffed, though he was doing a horrible time of suppressing his smile. "Just a hard body in a pretty dress?"

Elissa rolled her eyes, looking up to meet Swiftrunner's over Oghren's head and finally pushing open the door when whatever was communicated between the two was done. Oghren barreled in, charging directly toward the Emissary and swatting at anything he passed along the way dragging them in his wake.

Elissa and Swiftrunner had divided upon entering the door, both disappearing in a puff of shadow smoke and popping up further inside the room – Swiftrunner taking down a Hurlock with a brutal twist of his neck and Elissa finishing off the Emissary as her sword came straight through the middle of his chest from behind.

After that it seemed to be just a symphony of chaos. It was clear that the dwarf and the other rogue had fought with Elissa before. They seemed able to easily predict and respond to one another's movements and rarely communicated more than a cryptic word or hand gesture in battle. Nathaniel did the best he could to keep up with them, but Elissa was so fast that he found himself getting arrows off with only enough time to hit the target she was already dropping.

It became a competition for him after that, trying to see if he could get a shot off that would drop a target before she got to it. He pushed himself harder and harder, eventually becoming so focused on trying to beat her that he didn't see the last target drop too soon. The look of horror on his face was matched only by the one on her own when she tipped her head up to see his arrow coming directly at her. That look was matched by the one of surprise when she flicked her hand up and caught it within her palm just before it hit its mark.

"Well that's a handy trick… I didn't know you could do that." Anders said, glaring at Nathaniel as he made his way over to Elissa and noting that both Oghren and Swiftrunner seemed especially critical of the man at this point.

"Neither did I…" Elissa replied, strolling leisurely over to Nathaniel with his arrow in hand and wondering if this was another result of the constant changes brewing within her as a result of Avernus' concoction. "Apparently fear for one's life produces exceptional results at times."

"So you've never done that _before_?" Anders asked, looking to Swiftrunner and Oghren who shrugged to indicate that if she had they'd never seen it.

"Plucked an arrow out of the air? No." Elissa replied, coming to a stop in front of Nathaniel who simply stood there – equal parts stunned by what she'd just done and horrified by what she might do to him for having taken what certainly appeared to be a shot at her. "I believe this belongs to you…" she said, running her thumb along the sharp edge of his arrow point as she tried to read his eyes. "Now, do you want to explain to me why you thought it a good idea to take a shot at me?"

"I know you have every reason not to believe me, but I really wasn't trying to." Nathaniel replied, realizing that sounded weak even to his own ears.

All eyes in the room had shifted onto this conversation and Nathaniel quickly realized that much depended on his ability to convince these people that he had no intentions of killing Elissa anymore. These men were all incredibly loyal to her, even Anders who hadn't known her for very long. If they suspected he was a threat, he had no doubt they would see to it that he disappeared – with or without her directive to do so.

"Have I tried to kill you, Nathaniel? Either directly or indirectly?" Elissa asked, watching something flash behind his steel grey eyes that made her alter her words just a little. "In the _literal_ sense."

"No." Nathaniel replied, jaw tensing slightly.

"Then do me a favor…" Elissa said, taking his hand and placing his arrow into it, "be a bit more careful doing whatever it is you were doing…" She turned and walked back to the center of the room. "I suspect it wouldn't have been me coming after you had that arrow hit its mark. It might do you some good to remember that." The answering glares from the rest of the group made it clear he had his work cut out for him to be accepted among them now. "Now, that way goes further down, where do these doors go?" She indicated the ones on either side of the room.

"That one's the wine cellar." Nathaniel said, tilting his head at the first door as he tossed the arrow back into his quiver. "The other one has always been full of books and papers, mostly family records I think – though who knows what's in there now."

"I usually prefer the ale, but perhaps we should check out the wine cellar just to make sure there aren't any creepy crawlies lurking in there." Oghren said, already starting to move over to the door.

"Fine, Oghren… let's make sure the alcohol is safe from evil." Elissa said, rolling her eyes but doing nothing to stop him as he opened the door.

The room was small and so not everyone went inside. Swiftrunner stayed up in the central chamber while Elissa lingered just inside the door and Nathaniel just outside of it. He watched her stoop down to pick up what appeared to him to be a torn scrap of parchment, a flicker of anger flowing across her face as her eyes scanned the words on it.

"What is it?" Nathaniel asked, but seeing the look from the corner of her eye he knew she wouldn't tell him.

"Nothing." Elissa replied, shoving it into her pack unceremoniously. "Come on then! If you want to come back down later and drink straight from the tap I don't care but we've more ground to cover at the moment."

"We can probably skip the records room then… who cares about dusty old books anyway." Anders huffed, pretending to be put off as Elissa shoved him up the ramp.

"Dusty old books can be far more helpful than you realize." Elissa said, seeing a slight shadow of emotion pass across Nathaniel's face at the memory of how much she'd always been a reader, but pretending to ignore it. "Besides, there are darkspawn in there."

"What? Just hanging out?" Anders looked surprised. "They have to have heard us up here. What's keeping them from just coming up to say hello? Don't tell me they're reading as well as talking now!"

"They probably just assume we don't know they're there." Elissa said with a shrug and a laugh as she reached for the door. "Like I said, whatever's been done to these creatures to make them harder to track is intentional. It's entirely possible they think we don't know how to sense them yet."

She pressed the door open quickly, expecting bodies to come pouring out of the room, but there was nothing.

"Looks like you were wrong." Nathaniel quipped, lowering his bow.

"No, I wasn't. They're in there." Elissa replied, sharing a look with the rest of the party that Nathaniel couldn't understand.

"Shrieks." They all said together, everyone but Nathaniel managing to get their ears covered in time to avoid being stunned.

Nathaniel hadn't known what to expect, and so he hadn't mimicked the motion of the others, resulting in a stun so bad it staggered him. He dropped his bow, trying to shake it off and regain enough focus to at least keep himself safe, but could manage no more than pulling out a single dagger before something was on him and pinning him hard against the wall.

From her spot in the corner, Elissa could see the Shriek that had gone after Nathaniel. It was an Alpha, and had managed to get him pinned between a bookshelf and the doorway before he could do more than pull a single dagger from its sheath. She could feel her heart rate increasing as the fear that she wouldn't make it to him in time rushed up inside her, flipping that internal switch over into berserk mode and sending her shooting in his direction.

Even Anders was familiar enough with her tendency to become frighteningly focused with her fury at this point that he didn't flinch when she cut a quick bloody swath across the room between where she started and where Nathaniel stood. She planted her foot directly in the creature's midsection, sending it flying off up the hallway into the central chamber where she finished it off with several stabs, leaving her swords pinning it to the floor as it bled out while she ran over to inspect Nathaniel.

He was still fidgeting with his ears when she reached him so he could hear nothing she was saying, but Nathaniel could see the fear in her eyes. He'd seen it the moment she came barreling across the room and flung the monster off of him and up the hallway to his left. It left no question that no matter what might have passed between them over the massive span of years in their past, something within her still cared for his well-being. It was as much an injury as it was a comfort, knowing that it did nothing to change where they were now.

"Anders, can you do that thing with the ringing in the ears?" Elissa asked, not knowing what it was called but anxious to have Nathaniel hearing again.

Anders sauntered over, waving his hands around Nathaniel's head for a moment and then stepping away with a smile as the archer clearly responded to the spell, tensing and untensing his jaw to clear the last of the fog from his head.

"Are you alright?" Elissa said, her hands on either side of his face as she inspected him for any signs of injury. The intimacy of that gesture was not lost on anyone in the room.

"I'm fine." Nathaniel responded, allowing her to continue to prod at him until she was satisfied he had come out of things unscathed, at which point she seemed to realize what she was doing – dropping her hands and stepping away from him.

Nathaniel collected his bow, watching as Elissa moved through the room looking at the bookshelves intently, anxious to forget the feeling of his skin underneath her fingertips and the smell of him so close to where she stood.

"Most of these books are just what you thought, family histories – history of The Keep itself…" Elissa noted, trailing her hands along the spines of several volumes. "You can come back down here whenever you want and collect anything you wish to be salvaged." Elissa said, turning back to Nathaniel. "I'll make sure no one touches anything until you have."

Nathaniel nodded, accepting the kindness in that gesture for what it was. The others seemed to think there was nothing else of value and so they had started filtering out, Elissa trailing behind them as Nathaniel continued to inspect the statue of Andraste against the back wall.

"Odd." Elissa said, turning back to watch him from the doorway.

"What's that?" Nathaniel replied, walking around to the right hand side of the statue and looking back at her.

"I wouldn't have taken Rendon for such a devoted Andrastean." Elissa replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

"He wasn't." Nathaniel answered, a flicker of a smile passing over his face as he reached up with his right hand to tilt the torch on the wall and reveal a hidden side chamber.

"Crafty bugger!" Elissa gasped, chuckling as she made her way over to the newly opened room, kneeling down to inspect the contents of the trunk inside it. "Your memory is exceptional, Nathaniel."

"That isn't always a blessing." Nathaniel replied, her eyes flickering up to his when she understood the meaning in those words. She shifted uncomfortably under the weight of his gaze and turned her attention back to the chest. "Anything useful?"

"A few poultices, some old journals of your mother's I believe…" Elissa explained, shuffling stack after stack of things to the side – then sighing as she found what she'd feared she'd find. "Do you really want to know what the rest of this is?"

"Would I have asked if I didn't?" Nathaniel grumbled, shaking his head at her.

"They're prison records, Nathaniel." Elissa explained, opening one of the journals and thumbing through the pages. "Lists of interrogations, of tortures both executed and it would appear… planned."

"They're what?" Nathaniel asked, dropping to the ground beside her and pulling the volume she was currently looking at from her hands. He heard her gasp almost inaudibly a moment later, and looked up to find a mask pure fury on her face as she pulled another book from the bottom. "What? Is that one all about his plans to take over the world?" Nathaniel snorted, rolling his eyes at her.

"No, this one is mine." Elissa said, sitting back hard against the corner and pressing her hand to the front as though she was afraid to open it.

"What do you mean it's _yours_?" Nathaniel asked, edging closer to her.

"My name is on it, Nathaniel." Elissa replied, her eyes holding his for a moment – pushing his mind to remember the obsessive way he'd heard his father speak of _The Warden_ before he'd known that to be Elissa.

"I don't think you want to read that." Nathaniel said, suddenly horrified of what she might find inside it – and of what that would do to their already fragile relationship.

"I'm sure you're right." Elissa replied, opening it nonetheless and beginning to scan the pages within it – her breathing becoming more and more erratic the longer she read. Eventually tears started to stream from the corners of her eyes, leaving shining trails of clean through the dust and blood on her cheeks.

"Elissa, stop." Nathaniel insisted, his heart breaking to see her cry but having no idea what he could do, if anything, to make it better – aside from getting her to put the journal down. "Don't read any more of it. Just stop."

"Here." Elissa said, snapping it shut and slamming it forward against his chest so hard it threw him back against the wall behind him. She wiped away the evidence of her tears as she stood. "I've gotten all I need out of that. If you still have _any_ doubt about your father… if any part of you still believes I've concocted this entire story just to hurt you, then I suggest you give that a read."

She disappeared after that, out of the side chamber and into the main room, then up the hall into the upper chamber. Nathaniel considered opening the book for a moment, but couldn't bring himself to do it – knowing that whatever had such a profound effect on Elissa was likely to hit him just as hard. Instead, he shoved the leather-bound volume into his own pack and trudged up the hallway behind her.

* * *

><p>They moved forward down another long hallway that spiraled even further beneath the earth, this one ending in a room filled with prison cells. The cells lined the walls, each one of them covered with long metal spikes crusted in what was either rust or blood and intended for Maker only knew what.<p>

"Some of these men are still alive." Anders said, starting to dart forward to one of the cells before Elissa stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Those are." Elissa said, indicating the smaller cell on the left. "Those, are not."

"What do you mean they're not?" Anders asked, noting that though the men were stumbling about as though they might have shared in Oghren's flask they were most certainly moving.

"Go, get out of here." Elissa said, releasing the three untainted men and sending them running up the long hallway and out of their sight before turning back to deal with the contents of the larger cell. "Those men are tainted, Anders."

"So they're Wardens?" Anders asked, confused by what he was being told but seeing enough in Swiftrunner and Oghren's faces to know that wasn't the answer.

"No, not Wardens – ghouls." Elissa explained, watching the group lumbering about inside.

"That's what you meant when you said there were things worse than death." Nathaniel asked, walking up to fill the space at her other shoulder.

"That's one of the options, yes." Elissa replied, her eyes moving across the shuffling mass of bodies with a heavy sadness. "We need to deal with these before we can move on."

"Deal with them?" Anders asked, watching her eyes move up to his. "Can it not be cured?"

"Not in such an advanced state, no." Elissa responded, looking back to them. "It may have been possible to slow the progression somewhat if we had reached them earlier, but these men are far beyond our ability to help them. The best thing we can do for them now is end it quickly."

"End it? You mean to _kill_ them?" Anders asked, watching the look that Elissa sent to Swiftrunner which he knew meant she required his assistance. The man walked over to her silently. "No, there's got to be another way."

"You could toss a fireball in there if you like, though I suspect the burning will take much longer and be much more painful than if I simply take my friend in there and do what I was going to do originally." Elissa replied, a flash of irritation in her eyes.

"You can be a cold hearted bitch sometimes, you know that?" Anders snapped, and Nathaniel visibly flinched at the balls it took to say something like that right to her face knowing how temperamental she could be.

"What would you have me do, Anders?" Elissa hissed, stepping up to him. "I've just told you I can't cure them. You think I should leave them down here to lumber about in the darkness while their minds are slowly eaten away by the taint?" She watched her barbs hitting home, one after another, eating into his self-righteous resolve like a cancer. "They'd eventually start to starve, feeding on one another, dying slowly in the massive rotting piles of their own filth… would that be _easier_ on your conscience?" He turned away then, shaking in fury but saying nothing more. "If you cannot see that sometimes death is the only gift we can give, then you have a long hard road ahead of you. Now either help or get out of my way."

Anders stormed off after that, back up the long hallway to collect himself. Oghren sat down in a corner to have another drink, and Nathaniel could do nothing more than watch as Elissa and Swiftrunner put down one after another of the men inside the cell until there was nothing left but a pile of bodies.

"Go and collect the mage. If he will not return with you, then escort him back up to The Keep and have Varel look after him until I can address the issue." Elissa instructed Swiftrunner, wiping clean her dagger and joining Nathaniel and Oghren who had both collected in the middle of the room. "What's down there?" Elissa asked, tilting her head in the direction of the side door.

"That's the family crypt." Nathaniel answered, watching something pass behind her eyes once again and raising an eyebrow at her quizzically. She didn't reply, turning her eyes up instead to watch Swiftrunner coming back into the room with Anders in tow.

"Best to clear it out then. I'm getting a vibe from inside." Elissa explained, kneeling down and retrieving her lock picks to make quick work of the latch.

She moved into the large dark room, watching Nathaniel as he drifted around inspecting archway after archway – fingers tracing across the plates that designated the final resting place of his ancestors. Elissa knew that somewhere among them, he would find two sarcophagi that she did not wish to speak of currently, but would no doubt have to.

She heard him draw in a long breath a few moments later, and knew he had discovered at least one of them.

"This is… this is my father…" Nathaniel said, his eyes seeking her out where she wandered near the other end of the curved upper walkway.

"Indeed." Elissa replied, nodding slightly but saying nothing more.

"Is he? Is he actually _in_ here?" Nathaniel asked, something within him unable to believe that she would offer the man such a kindness even in death.

"I haven't checked personally, but I suspect he is – being that I specifically instructed the recovery and transfer of his body." Elissa answered, watching several different emotions flicker across Nathaniel's normally stoic face. "Regardless of what you might think of me, Nathaniel – I am not a monster, at least not completely. Thomas has a spot here somewhere as well, though his is empty… His body was not recovered in Denerim, but I received word that he had perished along with a small battalion of your father's men." She continued, watching him anxiously trying to process the knowledge she was giving him. "I haven't been able to bring myself to place anything for Delilah. I guess a part of me isn't ready to accept the fact that I've lost her as well."

They shared a moment then, something giving way between them with the knowledge that in spite of the hatred Elissa held for his father and his brother, even now after they were both long gone, some part of her had cared for him enough to at least attempt to bury them properly. That moment was lost just as fast when Elissa saw the door slamming shut from the corner of her eye, rushing over to catch it but arriving a second too late to do anything other than find it locked and unpickable behind them.

"Who touched what!" Elissa hissed, glaring around the room until she found Anders looking sheepish at the very end of the walkway beyond Nathaniel.

"I _might_ have fidgeted with that statue." Anders replied, tucking his hands behind his back nervously – as though he was a scolded child.

"Nice, well… we're locked in for the moment. Apparently Nathaniel's father felt it necessary to booby trap the family crypt." Elissa snorted, rubbing at the bridge of her nose and proceeding down the stairs to the lower portion of the room to attempt to find a way out. As soon as her foot hit the floor at the bottom of the stairs, skeletons began to assemble themselves out of the dusty corners of the room, lumbering to life and staggering forward all around them.

They were taken by surprise so there was no time to organize themselves, to orchestrate a proper strategy. All they could do was fight off the eagerly progressing attackers as well as they possibly could. Again, Elissa and those who had fought with her for some time already, were familiar enough with the walking dead to know how to properly dispose of them – while Anders and Nathaniel found themselves struggling against enemies that just wouldn't die.

"The heads!" Elissa yelled out, finally downing enough of her own to take the time to notice how difficult the pair was finding their fight on the upper level. "You have to destroy the heads, or at least take them off the body. They'll just keep coming otherwise."

Once that fact was known, the rest of the room was easily cleared, Elissa picking up the skull of the final skeleton and throwing it as hard as she could up to shatter against Rendon Howe's final resting place.

"Raising the bloody dead in the basement, Rendon? **Really**!" Elissa yelled, glaring up at the sarcophagus as though he could answer her.

"He's dead, Elissa." Nathaniel said, shouldering his bow and looking at her in irritation. "I suspect any answers about it you might have gotten died with him."

"I _know_ he's dead, Nathaniel. I killed him." Elissa responded, smirking when he glared in response. "I'm equally certain that he's watching us from wherever he's gone and having a good laugh at our expense right about now." She kicked one of the nearby piles of remains in frustration. "Right then, just for that we're looting the bodies! Let's see how you like that you twisted ruddy fuck."

Elissa headed over to the nearest sarcophagus after that – digging about inside and retrieving anything useful. Swiftrunner and Oghren had snapped to work immediately after she stopped talking, having no problem with salvaging useful items from those who would no longer need them. Anders hesitated for a moment, standing closer than the rest of them to the obscenely angry archer – but eventually even he shrugged his shoulders and dug in.

"Oi!" Elissa called out, popping her head up and catching Nathaniel's attention.

"Yes, Commander?" Nathaniel hissed from where he was planted in front of his father's resting spot.

"Key." Elissa answered, tossing something shiny in his direction and turning away – simply assuming he would catch it and know what to do.

"Yes, it is." Nathaniel replied, waiting for her to explain what he was to do with it.

"Stop sulking and try it in the bloody door!" Elissa snapped, hands on her hips as she glared at him and watched to make sure he was doing exactly as she instructed.

"Whatever this goes to, it isn't the main door." Nathaniel replied, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring back down at her.

"Well, look at it. Does it say anything, is there any detail that you can make out that might tell you where it _does_ go?" Elissa continued, her brow wrinkling in frustration that he was making her spell everything out like a sullen child.

"It says… Kiveal." Nathaniel said, rubbing away the dirt on the spine of the key to reveal a series of letters.

"I've a keyhole up here." Anders offered, tapping the wall at the top left end of the pathway. "But it's labeled Haakon."

Elissa nodded to Swiftrunner who seemed to know without her saying a word that she wanted him to check the other end, dashing up there and shaking his head.

"This one's Korth." Swiftrunner explained, leaning against the wall.

"That leaves you, and you." Elissa said, spinning on her heels and striding over to inspect the keyholes on either side of the door at the back of the room. "I've got The Lady… and, Kiveal!" She turned back to Nathaniel, who tossed the key back down to her – listening as she turned it in the latch – definitely unlocking something though nothing in the room changed in response. "Looks like we'll have to find the other three to figure out where that goes. Did no one else find keys?"

Elissa looked around the room, watching as each one of them shook their heads to indicate they had not.

"So, what? We're just _stuck_ down here?" Anders asked, eyes wide as Elissa made her way back up to the upper walkway with Oghren.

"Until we figure out how to undo whatever it is you did to lock that door, yes." Elissa answered, walking over and looking at Nathaniel long enough to get him to understand she wanted him to move aside so she could inspect the door itself.

"I could just burn the door." Anders offered, moving over to her and trying not to make it obvious how massive an effect the idea of being trapped anywhere was having on him. He'd spent one too many days locked away in the solitary cells of the Circle Tower and the very idea of anything like that happening again made his skin crawl.

"It's mostly metal so that's not going to work." Elissa explained, looking over to Nathaniel for help, as she'd run out of ideas. "Suggestions?"

He didn't say anything, just brushed past her to the statue on the other side of the room and looked at it.

"What exactly did you do to the other one?" Nathaniel asked, looking to Anders who blushed and looked at the floor.

"Oh, Anders…" Elissa said, unable to stop herself from laughing as she made her way past him and the others coming to stand beside Nathaniel who simply looked at her in confusion as she reached out and placed her hands on the statue's breasts, pressing in lightly.

"What are you…" Nathaniel asked, trailing off when the door popped open behind them – sending everyone but Anders into laughter.

She let go, turning to shuffle the group back up out of the room – patting Anders on the back as they went.

"I'm going to have to find you a lady friend, aren't I?" Elissa asked him, struggling to contain her laughter and not embarrass him further.

"I have some suggestions." Anders replied, winking at her as she moved away from him and down the next long hallway.

"I know she said that the taint would increase our appetites, but groping a statue seems a bit extreme, don't you think?" Nathaniel said, drawing a glare from the mage.

"It was your father that set up that trigger, you know." Anders responded, watching the barb hit home. "Are you sure you really want to discuss how many times those statues have been groped?"

"Point taken." Nathaniel replied, clearing his throat and falling in behind the man as they entered the root cellar at the end of their latest hallway.

* * *

><p>When Nathaniel walked into the room, he could see a group of bodies shuffling about beyond the human barrier that Elissa, Swiftrunner, and Oghren had created.<p>

"Don't come any closer." Elissa whispered, holding a palm against his chest to stop him and looking at him from the corner of her eye. "They haven't noticed us yet."

"That's Adria." Nathaniel responded, noting the single female figure in the group.

"It is… and it isn't." Elissa responded, forcing Nathaniel to look down at her for verification.

"No, you're wrong. She's stronger than that." Nathaniel insisted, refusing to believe the woman lost like those poor men trapped in the cells up above. "Adria! Adria, it's Nathaniel!" He called out, attempting to push past them. Swiftrunner held him fast for a moment, earning a glare until Elissa communicated something with a gesture that resulted in his release.

As he moved forward, the group turned – and though he could recognize the features on the face of his former nanny, he could also see her skin was riddled with sores and disease and her eyes were dead and empty. She opened her mouth, and Nathaniel thought for a moment that she might speak – but instead she just shrieked and rushed forward with the rest of the decrepit creatures, taking a swipe at his face and forcing him to backpedal to avoid her increasingly frantic attempts to get at him.

He could hear the sounds of fighting erupting in the room around him, but had focus for nothing but the woman scrabbling in front of him – trying repeatedly to find purchase somewhere on him with her teeth or nails. He couldn't speak or do much of anything other than keep her far enough away from him that she couldn't actually do anything to bring him harm. A moment later he saw a hand snake up and snatch her back by the top of her head, followed by a blade from the other side that sliced quickly across her throat.

"Adria!" Nathaniel called out weakly, reaching forward for a moment before the body crumpled to the floor at his feet revealing Elissa standing where she had just been. "What did you do?" He hissed, grabbing her angrily by her shoulders and shaking her hard. "You didn't even try to save her!"

"She was beyond saving, Nathaniel. I explained that to you before. I told you to prepare yourself." Elissa answered, giving looks to the rest of the group that stopped them from separating the pair as she knew Nathaniel was no real threat to her. "What I did was offer her a mercy you seemed content to deny her. You should be thanking me."

"Mercy? You think that was a mercy?" Nathaniel sneered, leaning in closer to her face – so close the tip of his nose actually did graze against hers. "Anders is right. You _are_ a cold hearted bitch. The Elissa I knew would _never_ have been so cruel."

"Is _that_ why you came back?" Elissa asked, suddenly realizing something while he stood there so unguarded in front of her. "You think there's something here to salvage? Something worth saving?" He started to back away, unable to face her anymore but she wouldn't let up. "The girl you're looking for bled out on the floor of the larder next to her father years ago, Nathaniel – or maybe up on the ramparts of that castle years before that when _you_ walked away bound for the Free Marches never to be seen again." He turned back then, hearing the pained tone of her words as she rattled them off one after another. "Little Lissa Cousland is gone. Dead and buried many times over. That's the grave you saw, so if that's what you came back for… then…"

"Then _what_?" Nathaniel hissed, voice breaking but forcing her to say it.

"Then I'm sorry, but she's gone." Elissa finished; watching the subtle shift of something within his eyes show that he was now shutting anything else he may have been feeling somewhere deep down inside. "The sooner you realize that, the better things will be for us all."

He turned on his heel, unable to stand being in the same space with her for any longer.

"Let him go." Elissa said, reaching out her arm to stop Swiftrunner from pursuing him. "He needs to walk it off; he's been through a lot today. I know him – he won't go far."

She turned the group then, ushering them silently back up the path they'd walked to get down there – knowing that they'd make no further progress today between the cave in and the high running emotions.

"You two were more than friends." Anders asked, drawing the distressed looking woman out of her thoughts with a jolt of surprise that made it obvious she'd forgotten he was even there.

"Nathaniel and I once loved each other very much." Elissa answered, seeing no reason to continue to hide anything from the man as he'd learned enough today to puzzle most of it out.

"What happened?" Anders asked, not knowing why but feeling as though he had to do something to try to ease her burden regardless of how callous she could treat them, how callous she _had_ treated him earlier in the day.

"His father happened." Elissa replied, sighing as she tucked her hands behind her and tried to shake off all the emotions coursing through her. "Sent Nathaniel away to separate us, slaughtered my family, came after me…"

"And then you killed him…" Anders finished, collecting enough of the earlier discussion to complete the thought so she didn't have to.

"And then I killed him. Now… here we are… together again." Elissa laughed then. It was either that or cry and she didn't feel comfortable enough to do that with the mage just yet.

"Do you think he will ever forgive you?" Anders asked, thinking it was probably just as good to ask if she'd ever forgive him as clearly this was a two way street between them.

"I hope so, but… I'm starting to doubt it." Elissa responded, the sadness falling heavier on her as she realized the truth of it. "I don't know that I would be able to forgive him were our circumstances reversed – though I like to think that I would be able to separate him from things that were beyond his control. Of course… I'm not doing a very good job of doing that either, now am I?"

"It can't be easy." Anders said, drawing a quick glance from her before she turned her eyes forward again. "I imagine when you look at him you see his father no matter how hard you try not to."

"When I look at Nathaniel I see a great many things, though his father is among them." Elissa answered, thinking that the real problem for her wasn't that she saw Rendon when she looked at his face – but rather she saw the man who had irreparably broken her heart. "I think I've talked enough for today." She said then, effectively ending the conversation. "But, thank you for letting me… I hadn't realized how much I needed someone to vent to now that Alistair is gone."

"My ears are always open to beautiful ladies…" Anders replied with a wink, drawing a soft laugh from her before she let him move ahead of her – drifting back to speak with Sergeant Maverlies and Voldrick before following them up to The Keep.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel had tried to go to sleep, but found himself unable to get there. After storming off in the dungeons, he'd gone back to his old bedroom, reclaiming it as Elissa had suggested and reading through the damning piece of his father's history that bore Elissa's name.<p>

The things he read there made him sick. He felt warped on every possible level just for having read them and it was even worse because he knew that Elissa had read them too. Suddenly it all just became more than he could take. He _had_ to talk to her. It wasn't going to make anything better, but at least it would mean they'd started to clear the air.

It didn't occur to him that it was the middle of the night and she was probably sleeping until she responded to his insistent pounding at her door.

"What? What's going on?" Elissa muttered, her eyes wild and glancing around fearfully as she held her sword at the ready after yanking open the door. He'd clearly woken her, her hair was tousled from sleep and she stood there in only a threadbare blue shirt that was far too big for her. It fell off of her shoulder revealing parts of her upper chest and all of her legs. "Are we under attack again?"

"N-No… We're not under attack…" Nathaniel sputtered, taken a bit off guard by the intense rush of desire at seeing that much of her skin after so long apart with only his dreams of her to go by. "I-I… I just wanted to talk to you."

"It's the middle of the night, Nathaniel." Elissa whined, dropping her sword arm and starting to close the door. "Whatever it is can wait until morning when I've gotten some sleep and am decidedly _less_ likely to kill you simply because I lack the patience for anything else."

"This can't wait." Nathaniel insisted, shoving his arm out and stopping the progress of the door – watching her spin back to him and suddenly recognizing something about what she was wearing. "Is that my shirt?"

"What?" Elissa gasped, the minute widening of her eyes missed by anyone _but_ Nathaniel who could still read her after all these years. "No. I've had it forever." She crossed her arms over her chest as though she could somehow disguise it. "Ugh… fine." She stepped to the side, allowing him to enter her room – and watching him flinch for a moment when he saw Swiftrunner stand up from the chair by her bed and exit the room before she shut the door behind them.

"You don't think it's creepy that he watches you sleep?" Nathaniel asked, watching Elissa's brow furrow in response as she flopped down on the bed and tried to straighten her hair with a yawn.

"He doesn't watch me sleep, he sleeps himself I'd suspect – though I don't watch him either so I've no way of knowing." Elissa responded, tucking her legs under herself and waiting for him to settle himself into the chair that Swiftrunner had just vacated.

"So… you're _intimate_ with your bodyguard?" Nathaniel asked, eyes narrowing on her before he could control the action.

"He's not my bodyguard. He's a friend who has always chosen to watch after me and apparently he doesn't trust that I'm safe here so he's decided to sleep in my uncomfortable chair rather than leave me alone." Elissa responded, not directly answering his question. "If you came here to start in on me again, you can just leave… otherwise, get to the point. It's late and I'm tired and long out of patience for your games."

Nathaniel shifted in the chair, unhappy that she'd dodged his question but knowing that if he pressed the issue he'd only get himself kicked out and have nothing to show for his efforts aside from an exceptionally pissed off Warden-Commander in the morning.

"I… read my father's journal." Nathaniel said, watching something pass behind her eyes.

"And what? You decided to come over here and wake me to discuss the finer points of my planned abduction, rape, and torture?" Elissa retorted, watching him flinch at her words though everyone one of them had been right at his fingertips moments before – written in his father's hand. "I certainly don't believe you came over here to admit you finally believe I was right about him all along."

"My father… was obviously disturbed. Something must have happened to him after I was sent away…" Nathaniel began, watching Elissa stand up suddenly and knowing he'd chosen his words poorly.

"Andraste's tits! You really don't believe it? You've looked right at it and you _still_ think I'm making it all up?" Elissa paced frantically, shoving her fingers up into her hair and pulling at it as her temper rose. "The first of those entries was written when I was _fourteen_, Nathaniel! I was a child, and he was planning it even then. Did you look at the dates or were you content to simply allow yourself to believe that the man wasn't capable of it?"

"I-I… hadn't noticed the dates." Nathaniel admitted, swallowing down the urge to be sick at the very idea that his father had thought such things about Elissa at such a young age. "I guess I was too distracted by the subject matter to look at them."

"Well I suggest you go back and look at them before you come in here to give me another list of things you think should excuse his behavior." Elissa hissed, turning back to him with a glare. "He planned it _all_, Nathaniel. From the time we were children. We played right into his hands – falling for each other like we did."

"You can't honestly believe he intended for us to fall in love, Elissa." Nathaniel snorted, crossing his arms and leveling his own glare in her direction. "He wouldn't have fought so hard to separate us if that had been in his plans."

"I don't think he intended for us to fall in love. I think he used it to manipulate us and cause us to suffer as much as he could manage." Elissa answered, her body starting to tremble in anger as she thought of just how much the man continued to damage her even now when he lay rotting miles beneath her feet.

"You're probably right about that." Nathaniel admitted, watching something switch off in her head with those words, causing her to fall back limp against the bed staring up at the ceiling as though it could offer some comfort to her wounded mind.

She got up a few minutes later, going over to dig through a stack of something on his father's massive old desk. She returned, flopping down on the bed in front of him, her bare knee brushing against the thin linen covering his own as she pressed a stack of letters into his hand.

"Those belonged to Delilah." Elissa said, watching his eyes flicker up to hers in surprise. "She'd been writing them for years, to you, to me. She was trying to warn us what was coming – but they were never sent." She saw the same thing register in his mind that had registered in hers when she'd read them hours before, that his father had likely killed her to keep his secret from being revealed. "I thought you might want to have them."

"I-I…" Nathaniel struggled to find the words to thank her for saving them.

"There's also this." Elissa continued, pulling a long beautifully crafted bow from behind her back and laying it across his lap.

"Is this what I think it is?" Nathaniel asked, eyes flickering up to hers in astonishment as he laid down the letters on her bedside table to pick it up, running his fingers along the smooth wood. "It is! That's the Howe crest burned into the wood right there. This is my grandfather's bow!"

"I thought it might be." Elissa replied, returning his soft smile when he looked up at her – lost in a long gone memory of a time when he'd spoken to her of how much he'd wanted it and how his father had resolutely refused to give it to him.

"I… where did you even find this?" Nathaniel asked, completely shaken by how generous she was being to him after everything he'd said to make her act otherwise.

"It was in the crypt in one of the sarcophagi I looted." Elissa snickered, watching Nathaniel return the chuckle in spite of himself. "Speaking of which, I made arrangements to have Adria's ashes placed there if that's to your liking."

"Her ashes?" Nathaniel asked, eyebrow raising.

"She was tainted. She had to be burned." Elissa explained, waiting for an argument but thankful when he responded with only calm acceptance.

"I see." Nathaniel replied, looking back down at the bow with a smile. "Father would never have approved of having her put there."

"Yes, well… I'm in charge now and I do. Besides, I'm not doing it for your father." Elissa said, watching as Nathaniel lifted his face up to hers – searching her eyes and finding exactly what he was looking for because she allowed it. "I'll just take the fact that Rendon will be spitting mad down there beside her as an extra added bonus." They laughed then, sad but genuine, taking some modicum of comfort in the fact that no matter how damaged they were – they shared in at least some of their scarring.

"How did we get here?" Nathaniel asked, shaking his head and leaning back against the chair.

"I came here to sleep, you came barging in about twenty minutes ago to wake me up and yell at me." Elissa responded sarcastically.

"That's not what I meant…" Nathaniel replied, listening to her laughter stop as she looked up to meet his eyes and read the intensity of the emotions there.

Suddenly the heat from her skin seemed to amplify itself, pulsing through the thin linen of his pants leg and burning his skin. He leaned forward, reaching out to brush the edge of her bare knee with his index finger, no more than a ghost of sensation as he made his way up to her hand where it lay at the edge of the frayed blue material of her tunic. He heard the rapid intake of her breath at the sensation of his hands touching her skin, and it shot a hot pulse of desire right to his pelvis.

"You should go." Elissa whispered, bringing his eyes up to hers where he could easily see the desire there swirling heavy among the other emotions.

"I probably should." Nathaniel answered, leaning in closer to her, brushing his other hand against the bare skin of her other knee.

"I'm going to marry him, Nathaniel." Elissa said then, watching something register behind the stormy grey of his eyes – so familiar and yet so foreign to her.

"Are you?" Nathaniel asked, searching her again and watching her hide everything she may have been feeling or thinking in that moment back behind her walls.

She patted his hand softly, turning to stand and go over to open the door – making it obvious it was time for him to go. He cleared his throat and collected the things she'd given him, following past her then turning back once more.

"That _is_ my shirt." Nathaniel said, smirking at her as she attempted to close the door – watching her huff in frustration before taking him by surprise again.

"Fine. _Yes_. This is _your_ shirt, are you happy!" Elissa snipped, tugging the offending garment over her head so fast Nathaniel didn't have time to see anything but a quick flash of skin and half of what might have been a tattoo before he was hit in the face with the fabric. "Come along, Dastan!" She yelled, and Nathaniel dropped the fabric off his head just in time to watch Swiftrunner walk past him, offering an exceptionally rude gesture to him as he shut the door in his face.

* * *

><p>Back in his room, Nathaniel lay in his bed still seeking and not finding sleep. She might have insisted on her intentions to marry the King, but everything else about the last half hour of his life made Nathaniel believe Elissa still had feelings for him.<p>

She'd reacted to his touch just as much as he'd reacted to hers, though she'd stopped him from pushing them any further beyond their newly established boundaries. He wasn't sure how to proceed from there, lying in his childhood bed holding a shirt that had belonged to him ten years ago and smelling the waves of Elissa pouring off of it.

Obviously there were no easy answers. Neither of them had forgiven anything, simply accepted some of it was beyond their ability to change it. And, as she said, she was going to marry the King.

He eventually accepted that whatever the answers were, they weren't going to come to him tonight, and so he flipped his newly reacquired shirt over his head and went to sleep dreaming of the girl he was still very much in love with.


	6. Chapter 6: One Night In Amaranthine

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** My humble apologies for the delay in postings! I had a busy weekend and suffered a bit of writers block/anxiety! I was overwhelmed by the thoughtful encouragement I have received so far on this piece and it left me with a bit of performance anxiety when it came to getting this next chapter to come together. I hope that I haven't let you down :) _

_"Antivan" Translation: "If he touches you while I'm gone, I'll have his hands when I return."  
><em>

_Muse Music: Love This Pain by Lady Antebellum and Sorry by Assemblage 23. _

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers. You're all amazing! And thank you to my Lady Beta **artemiskat** for helping me to trudge through the block this time!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Six: One Night in Amaranthine<strong>_

Elissa caught up with her Wardens in the common room the next morning, resolutely avoiding Nathaniel's eyes after the intense moment they'd shared in her room the night before. She explained that she had a fealty ceremony to attend to, but that they would be leaving for Amaranthine soon after. She left a list of things they should accomplish in preparation and instructions to meet her at the stables set for several days of travel by no later than noon.

It was clear to Nathaniel that she'd been instructed to wear something other than her armor, but – in typical Elissa fashion, had refused to wear a dress. Instead she wore a navy blue corset over a white blouse and a well fitting pair of brown pants that hemmed just above the heels of her boots. All of that was covered by a long, fitted deep blue jacket that trailed down to the floor – a silver pair of gryphons embroidered into the tail of it that screamed Grey Warden. Her hair was back in a simple braid, curls left out soft around her face. It was all he could do to keep from staring.

And then she was gone, disappearing as quickly as she had come and dragging Swiftrunner along behind to keep a watchful eye on the proceedings from the shadows.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel could hear the arguing inside the stables even before he entered. He'd made it to the established meeting point slightly behind the others and now found himself standing behind Anders and Oghren as they watched the exchange between Elissa and Swiftrunner from a distance that was close enough to listen, but far enough away to stay clear of the crossfire.<p>

"What's going on?" Nathaniel asked, wondering what had the normally friendly pair so angry as to be willing to air it in public.

"Apparently the Commander wants the Wolf to leave separately so he can look in on some things before meeting up with us in Amaranthine." Anders explained, assuming that Nathaniel knew certain things, which – from the look on his face – he did not.

"The Wolf?" Nathaniel asked, looking over at the pair again. "You mean, Swiftrunner?"

"You don't know the story then?" Anders asked, looking distinctly pleased that Elissa had shared something with him she'd yet to share with the archer.

"What story?" Nathaniel sighed, wishing he'd just hurry up and spit it out already instead of just lording it over his head like it was some big deal.

"_He_ used to be a werewolf." Anders explained, tilting his head in Swiftrunner's general direction – watching Nathaniel look to Oghren who nodded to verify it was true. "_She_ cured him, and he's been with her ever since."

"Seriously?" Nathaniel asked, still unable to wrap his mind around the idea that werewolves actually existed much less that one of them was standing a few feet away from him.

"Seriously." Anders replied with a smile.

The pair in question paced slightly closer to the trio of Wardens, continuing to argue as they moved.

"This is exceptionally juvenile, you know that right?" Elissa hissed in exasperation, pressing her hands against her face and mumbling through them. "Can't you just do as I ask?"

"I was given specific orders by The King not to let you out of my sight." Swiftrunner responded, watching her drop her hands down and glare at him. "You're asking me to not only let you out of my sight, but to allow you to travel with someone who has tried to kill you twice."

"He didn't actually try to kill me the first time, he just thought about it – and the second time _may_ have been an accident." Elissa responded, and Nathaniel tried not to allow himself to be bothered by the fact that whatever they were arguing about seemed to be directly tied to him. "Besides, if we're laying all the cards out on the table here – _you_ tried to kill me. Should I be worried about traveling with you?"

"Things were different then." Swiftrunner replied, looking distinctly annoyed that she'd drawn any sort of parallel between himself and Nathaniel.

"When did you suddenly become so loyal to Alistair anyway? I thought _I_ was your favorite…" Elissa pouted, leaning forward and patting his chest in an attempt to persuade him to her way of thinking.

"You _are_ my favorite. That should be obvious considering I don't want to leave you at the mercy of the son of a madman." Swiftrunner replied, not at all affected by her – at least not in the way that she wanted.

"Look, if this is going to be an issue I can simply stay behind at The Keep." Nathaniel offered as he strode forward, trying to manage his temper but knowing he wasn't doing a very good job of it. "After all I'd hate for my psychopathic bloodline to suddenly activate and force me to kill your precious Commander while you aren't here to monitor her every move."

Swiftrunner stepped forward and Nathaniel didn't even flinch, forcing Elissa to plant herself in between them in order to prevent an altercation.

"Nathaniel, _you_ are not helping! Now go and wait with the others, please!" Elissa hissed, pointing over to where Anders and Oghren stood then sending him over to them with a forceful shove and turning back to deal with the exceptionally angry former werewolf. "Dastan, you are going to have to accept that Nathaniel is a Warden now – and as such, he is going to be traveling with me unsupervised at times."

"We'll see about that…" Swiftrunner muttered under his breath, swinging Nathaniel's furious eyes back in his direction – though Elissa stopped any further reaction between them with a wave of her hand.

"Threatening each other is not a solution I would advise…" Elissa hissed, eyes narrowed on the man as her temper flared. "I _need_ you do to this for me, Dastan. I trust no one else – and only you understand the urgency of this request."

He nodded then, something in those words finally swaying him to her way of thinking.

"Se la tocca mentre sono andato porterò le sue mani quando ritorno." Swiftrunner growled, glaring angrily out of the corner of his eyes at Nathaniel who continued to pretend he didn't understand their coded dialogue.

"You worry too much." Elissa replied, softening visibly as she leaned forward to touch his face. "Tell Avernus I will be up to see him as soon as I can manage it. In the meantime, the vial I've sent with you will have to do. Travel safely, but quickly. The supplies I have left are dwindling and I've been unable to find enough elfroot to replenish them myself."

The man disappeared after that, moving out of the stables and into the daylight beyond, headed in whatever direction Elissa had sent him. That she'd seemed so urgent about her request, and that it had involved the medicinal arts, suddenly made the little bottles that Nathaniel had seen her tossing back when she believed no one was looking become all the more sinister. He wondered if there wasn't more to her near miss with the Archdemon than she was letting on.

"Alright, I'll assume all of you are packed and ready then?" Elissa said, striding back over to them and holding Nathaniel's eyes just long enough to ensure his temper was back under control. "If so, we'll just need to mount up. I had Swiftrunner help me to prepare the horses before he left."

"Horses?" Anders asked, a mix of fear and embarrassment crossing his face. "We aren't going to walk like we did before?"

"I hadn't planned on it, no. We're leaving later in the day than I'd have had us depart normally, so riding will get us there with much more daylight left to work in." Elissa replied, her eyes darting over to him as she trailed them along through the rows of stalls. "Wait… Oh, I'm sorry, Anders. It didn't even occur to me to ask. You have ridden before, haven't you?"

"Not so much." Anders replied, a slight tint of color coming into his cheeks. "As we aren't exactly permitted to leave the tower, mages aren't given much of an opportunity to learn things like horseback riding skills."

"Well, this leaves us with a bit of a quandary." Elissa said, tapping at her lower lip. "Oghren usually rides with me but…" She turned to Nathaniel, and he could see it coming – shaking his head and barely containing his irritated laughter even before she asked the question. "Nathaniel, it's your choice. You can ride with Oghren or Anders."

"I'll take the dwarf." Nathaniel replied, crossing his arms and glaring at the mage who'd tossed him a wink just to throw him off.

"Thank you." Elissa said, giving him a half smile. "If it makes you feel any better, Oghren will pass out after the first five minutes or so and sleep the rest of the way."

Nathaniel simply grunted at her, content to allow himself his irritation until he saw the horse she had stopped him in front of.

"It can't be." Nathaniel said, reaching out to touch him and sharing a look with Elissa who was already smiling at him as though she'd given him the best gift she could think of.

"I thought the same thing when he chewed my scabbard the moment after I got here." Elissa laughed, reaching out to stroke at the other side of the horse's face. "But here he is, a fragment of another time just like us."

She walked away then, getting herself and an exceptionally pleased though slightly nervous looking Anders settled up on her horse and leaving him to take care of Nocturne and the dwarf.

* * *

><p>The trip to Amaranthine went smoothly and left Elissa encouraged that in time Anders would be comfortable enough to ride on his own. As much as she enjoyed the friendly banter of the quirky mage, the looks she would occasionally draw from Nathaniel made it clear that he was uncomfortable with the bond that was building between them – regardless of how platonic Elissa might intend it to be.<p>

Nathaniel, thankfully as far as she was concerned, rode in silence – content to simply observe and reacquaint himself with the scattered pieces of his past. He woke a sleeping Oghren with an unceremonious dump into a large pile of hay as he stabled the horses for both himself, and Elissa.

"Ah, can you smell that?" Anders said, pulling in a long breath of air as they moved out of the stables and into the dirt path that would take them up through the gates and into Amaranthine. "_That_ my lovely Warden-Commander is the smell of freedom!" He reached over and tossed an arm around her shoulder, squeezing briefly and ignoring the glare he earned from Nathaniel who came strolling up with Oghren from behind.

"I smell dogs, and dirt, and manure from the stables." Elissa chuckled, pulling out her journal and flipping through her list to try and focus their trip as best as possible. "There might be a bit of pie baking in there somewhere – but I'd hardly call any of that _freedom_."

"There are pies here!" Anders said, and Elissa simply smiled quizzically at him until she realized that he was actually serious. "Wow. Well… the fact that there are pies around to smell is a step up for me. I've led a pie-less existence up to this point, more or less."

"You've never had a pie?" Elissa asked, eyes wide with the thought that anyone could have been deprived of such a normality.

"A proper pie, fresh baked out of an oven, full of warm, delicious, fruity goodness? Sadly – no. Why, can you make me one?" Anders asked, hearing the choked back laughter of Nathaniel from behind them though it silenced soon after with a glare from Elissa.

"Pastries are not my strong suit I'm afraid." Elissa admitted nonetheless. "I am sorry to tell you that any pie I concocted would _not_ be something you'd be happy to eat. I'm pretty good with the savory stuff though, in spite of what Nathaniel might tell you. I learned a great many things on my travels during The Blight. I'd be happy to make you a stew sometime if that would suffice."

"You know, all I really want out of life is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." Anders replied, smiling broadly at her and squeezing her shoulder one more time before stepping away with a wink. "Maybe I'm closer to the dream than I imagined."

Elissa rolled her eyes, going back to her journal and Anders wandered away only to run into someone he had forgotten he'd ever made plans to see.

"About time you showed up!" the exceptionally cross elven woman hissed, eyes narrowed on the appropriately frightened looking Anders.

"Namaya? You're still here?" Anders said, honestly surprised she'd waited this long. It had been days since they'd agreed to meet up and he'd quickly forgotten the appointment in the turmoil of his new life.

"I _keep_ my promises." the woman muttered, shoving a slip of paper into Anders' hand. "I don't know why, but I do. At any rate, it turns out you were right. The cache is here, in Amaranthine."

"It is? You found it?" Anders asked, looking at the tiny scrap of parchment as though it were made of pure gold.

"I did. What you do with that information is up to you. I, for one, am _done_ dealing with mages! You get caught again – you're on your own." the woman said, shoving past Anders but stopping just long enough to offer a helpful word of advice to Elissa. "Don't let him sweet talk you, girly. He's good at that."

"My, but you _do_ have a way with the ladies…" Elissa smirked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow at the man as he turned sheepishly in her direction.

"I… suppose that requires an explanation." Anders replied, toying with the frayed edges of the paper Namaya had given to him.

"No! Not at all!" Elissa said, shutting her journal and waving a hand at him as she continued along the path into the city. "Angry elven women are forever coming up to yell at me for one thing or another. It's perfectly normal."

"I am fluent in sarcasm, dear lady, you cannot fool me!" Anders laughed, rushing a little to catch up to her. "Namaya is… a friend. Last time I escaped from the tower, I asked her to look into some things for me."

"Asked or _asked_?" Elissa responded, trailing her fingers down Anders' back with the second repetition of the word to relay her message.

"There may have been some _asking_ involved…" Anders admitted, smirking at her.

"Which explains the attitude she gave to me…" Elissa laughed, tucking a curl of hair behind her ear. "…continue."

"She's why I was originally in Amaranthine. The Templars that caught me thought I had come to take a ship, but I came to meet her… I just… after I got caught I simply forgot about it until - well, _now _actually." Anders said, feeling like quite a bit of an ass now that he really thought about it.

"She mentioned a cache? Does she mean the cache of phylacteries that they transferred out of the Circle Tower during the Blight?" Elissa asked, watching Anders face go from guilt to surprise in a matter of minutes.

"That's it exactly! How do you even know about that?" Anders inquired, wondering if a time would ever come when this woman did not manage to surprise him.

"I was in the tower when they moved it." Elissa explained, watching it sink in.

"You were _there_ when Uldred overthrew the tower?" Anders asked, stopping her with a hand on her arm. "It was you then! You kept them from calling in the Right of Annulment!"

"Not me alone, but yes – I was a part of the group that worked to free the tower from Uldred's madness." Elissa responded, watching Anders look back to Oghren wondering if he had been there as well. "Oghren had not yet joined us. It was very early in our journey, and we only even happened to get there in time to offer our aid by pure coincidence."

"But you did! They would have killed us all. You saved many lives that day, mine included." Anders said, genuinely stricken by just how much this woman had done for him without even knowing it. "I don't know how to thank you."

"I've been thanked enough I think." Elissa laughed, smiling fondly at him but clearly uncomfortable in the limelight.

"I don't think that's possible." Anders answered, completely genuine in that sentiment.

"We shall have to agree to disagree then." Elissa shrugged, taking in a deep breath and changing the subject to something she was sure would redirect his focus. "So… I assume you wish to… _liberate_… your phylactery then?"

"I do, very much. As long as the Templars have my blood, they can find me." Anders explained, wondering if she would do it – hoping she would understand. "It has to be destroyed or I will never really be free."

"You're right. They shouldn't be allowed to control you now." Elissa replied, seeing the excitement spring into his face. "But, Anders, let me be clear on this. If there are guards, I want to speak with them _first_. I should be able to request it be held with us as you are now a Warden. If they will not cooperate, then I shall have to consider other options. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal." Anders replied, crossing his heart in promise.

"Right then. You run ahead and find out where this place is. I need to take care of some things here first. I'll meet you in front of the Chantry in half an hour. That should give you plenty of time to locate it." Elissa instructed, pretending to be irritated when Anders wrapped her in a bear hug though he could see the sparkle in her eyes. "Take Oghren with you and find the Herbalist in town. He's got a… _rash_… that should be seen to."

"I told you it's that Grey Warden stuff we had to drink." Oghren grumbled, giving Elissa a dirty look for calling him out in front of the rest of the group.

"I've never heard of it causing a rash, Oghren – besides – you're the only one who's got it!" Elissa replied, giving him an insistent but gentle shove in Anders' direction.

"So you've _checked_ the others then?" Oghren replied, watching Elissa blush and beginning to chuckle.

"What? No!" Elissa replied, glaring at him before turning to Anders and then Nathaniel. "Do either of you have a rash you'd like to tell the group about?" They both shook their heads and insisted they had nothing to add. "_See_, now shoo! And bring back any elfroot they'll let you purchase."

She tossed a small coin purse to Anders and watched them move away while she checked off several things on her list. She didn't look up from her journal again until Nathaniel moved closer to her in an attempt to decipher what it was she had them doing for the day, and even then it was only to hold out another small coin purse in his direction.

"What's this?" Nathaniel asked, eying the purse warily.

"Coin." Elissa responded, the look in her eye when she did look up telling Nathaniel that she was in no mood for whatever it was he'd been thinking about. "Go buy yourself something pretty, or give it to beggars, or go to the tavern and spend it on ale and women. I don't care what you do with it, just go away and leave me be for awhile. I have things to accomplish that will be easier done without babysitting."

"Babysitting?" Nathaniel hissed, palming the small leather pouch and leaning in to glare at her. "I don't need a babysitter, none of us do – we're grown men, Elissa."

"Mmm. You'll eat those words when the other two get back from whatever nonsense I'm certain they've already gotten up to." Elissa chuckled, paying no mind to Nathaniel's venom as she went back to the pages of her beaten old journal. "Either way, off with you."

"I'm fairly certain your werewolf would never leave you to wander the city unescorted." Nathaniel replied, seeing immediately after he'd spoken them that he'd chosen the wrong words to sway her.

"I'm fairly certain my _werewolf_ would never leave me to wander the city with _you_." Elissa responded, jaw tensing and untensing in irritation as she glared up at him finally. "And don't call him a werewolf. He hasn't been a beast in some time. He has a name. Dastan or Swiftrunner if you prefer, so if you must speak of him use one or the other. Regardless what you may think of him he is my friend and a good man and I won't have you treating him otherwise." She started at him a moment longer before snapping shut her journal again and rubbing wearily at her forehead. "Why must everything be a fight with you?"

"Because you speak to me as though everything is a directive to be obeyed." Nathaniel responded, equally frustrated to be having this discussion in the middle of a very public street.

"That was actually a simple request, but I can certainly make it an official order from your Commander if that's what it's going to take to get you off my back." Elissa sighed, looking up at him – already tired though the day had much more to come. "Look, just give me half an hour – same as the others, then meet me on the Chantry steps. I've no ulterior motives, Nathaniel. I just want a little time to myself."

He turned and disappeared into the crowd after that, though Elissa knew him far too well to think he'd ever go far enough to actually let her out of his sight.

* * *

><p>Watching Elissa move through the throngs of people in Amaranthine was like getting another glimpse into an entirely different world – one where she was not simply the young girl dreaming of an escape from her dull future nor the woman who had destroyed his entire family line with the push of her blade. Here, among the battered streets of the once thriving hub of his father's arling, Elissa was the living, breathing embodiment of hope – and there seemed to be no one who didn't want a piece of her.<p>

After stopping to speak to the hunters, Nathaniel watched as she made her way further into the city – speaking to any well wishers and scribbling down any requests in her journal to be researched and addressed later. She plastered on her most genuine noble smile, but by the time she finished her conversation with the Captain of the City Guard, he could see that the pressing need for social graces was beginning to wear on her.

She slid into a side alley, tugging out her cowl from the pack she'd dropped to the ground as she tucked her journal inside it – suddenly desperate for the anonymity it would give her. Nathaniel was so focused on her from his spot in the nearby shadows, he did not see the other man approaching until it was too late to do more than watch him cut off her pathway out of the corner she'd backed herself in to.

The man reached out for her shoulder, and Nathaniel thought to draw his bow – but Elissa had spun and pinned him to the opposite wall at the point of her dagger before either of their fingers had time to make purchase.

"Warden-Commander, it is a pleasure to meet you." the man chuckled, seeming unaffected by his precarious position.

"The Dark Wolf, I presume?" Elissa asked, a small half-smile turning up the corners of her full lips.

"In the flesh." the man replied, forming the words as though they were an invitation.

"You _do_ know it's rude to use someone's hard earned title right to their face?" Elissa responded, a wolfish grin fully consuming her face as she tapped the end of her dagger against the dull metal of his helm.

"_Y-you_!" the man responded, green eyes gone wide as they latched on to her own.

"_In. the. Flesh._" Elissa whispered, mimicking his own words from seconds before.

"I thought perhaps the first Dark Wolf was killed or imprisoned!" the man gasped.

"I have been imprisoned, but not for that." Elissa chuckled, sheathing her dagger and leaning casually against the wall across from him. "And, as you can see, I am still very much alive."

"Still, you must admit, your current _positions_ don't leave much time for shadow games." the man responded, pulling himself back to a proper stand. "In the depths of the city there is murmuring. Murmuring that much of the nobility here wants you dead."

"Let them come for me if they so crave their own demise." Elissa chuckled, folding her arms over her chest. "Better man than these petty fools have tried and failed to claim me."

"You should not be so cavalier with your life, my Lady," the man insisted, taking another step toward her. "I assure you, these whispers are not the idle threats of spoiled children."

"And you want to help me, what? Gather information?" Elissa asked, trying to get a read on this man who had been foolish enough to use her own moniker to draw her. "I am not so naive as to believe for a second that you would do such out of the goodness of your own heart."

"Regardless of the impression I may have given, I _do_ have hopes that the Wardens will prove more fit to rule than the late Arl Rendon Howe." the man replied, beginning to pace slowly. "However – I am not completely above serving my own personal needs in the process." He stopped in front of her, ready to make his request. "Howe's confederates are your conspirators, I am certain of it – but to obtain solid proof of their identities will take time and resources."

"How much?" Elissa asked, not at all surprised that the man was requesting funds from her. They always did.

"Fifty sovereigns." the man responded, folding his arms across his own chest.

"Fifty! That seems a bit stiff considering you've taken and are using my name _without_ permission." Elissa grumbled, leaning down to retrieve another coin purse regardless.

"I assure you, the information I can provide you will be well worth every bit of coin you provide me." The man insisted.

"It had damn well better be." Elissa said, tossing the purse over to him and shouldering her pack once again.

"You will not be disappointed." The man assured her, moving toward the open end of the alley. "I will contact you again when I have gathered the information you require."

"Take care with that name! I stole a great deal of shiny things to earn it!" Elissa called after him, lingering in the alleyway long after he had gone. "Come on out." She called, tapping her toe as she waited for Nathaniel to reveal himself.

"Do you enjoy letting me follow you about as though you don't know I'm there?" Nathaniel asked, unsurprised that she'd detected him but annoyed nonetheless.

"I don't know? Do you enjoy following me about thinking that I don't know you're there?" Elissa responded, smirking at him then moving off toward the mouth of the alley.

"Were you planning on telling anyone there is a plot to have you killed?" Nathaniel asked, reaching over and grabbing the inside of her upper arm to stop her.

"I _did_. Varel knows, as does Dastan. I simply didn't tell _you_." Elissa replied, tugging her arm free and continuing to move out of the alley and back into the milling throng of people.

"This is serious, Elissa. Someone out there is conspiring to take your life!" Nathaniel hissed, pushing through the crowd to make his way back to her side.

"Someone out there is _always_ conspiring to take my life, Nathaniel." Elissa responded, laughing sadly. "Not too long ago, you were a part of that crowd."

"Elissa I…" Nathaniel started, frustrated that she was taking this so lightly and that she continued to force him to acknowledge that he'd wanted to kill her only a few days ago.

"Elissa! Elissa Cousland!" came a female voice from somewhere nearby them.

The use of her proper name sent both Elissa and Nathaniel into a panic, scrambling to find who had called for her and to arm themselves in case it was the very nobility of which they spoke intending to make good on their threats. Elissa turned then, eyes gone wide and body fully paralyzed as she lay eyes on yet another ghost from her past.

"D-Delilah?" Elissa stuttered, and then staggered when the woman flung her arms around her body and squeezed her hard.

"Maker! I'd heard you were killed!" Delilah gasped, pulling back to look at her face.

"I heard the same about you!" Elissa responded, reaching up to touch her old friend's face. She felt firmly planted in a dream, half expecting to be woken at any moment.

"Well, here I am… what are you doing in…" Delilah's words trailed off as she caught sight of Nathaniel standing in silent awe just beyond Elissa's shoulder. "Nathaniel! I-Is that you? I am doubly blessed!"

She waved him forward then, and Nathaniel obliged – wrapping his arms both around Elissa and his youngest sibling and allowing himself to find peace in this rare moment when the two women who mattered most to him in this world stood again, together, at arm's length.

"I had feared the worst." Delilah said, wiping the joyful tears from her eyes and backing slightly away to look over her brother and his love. "I had never thought to see either of you again, and now here you stand in front of me! If ever there was proof that love conquers all!"

"Oh, no… I-I…" Elissa sputtered, suddenly realizing that she stood within the protective curve of Nathaniel's arms and finding herself exceptionally anxious to get out of them. "Nathaniel and I are not together. At least, not like that."

"What do you mean?" Delilah said, watching the awkward way that Elissa held her body as though the very idea of Nathaniel's touch was the worst thing she could think of, and the ghost of pain that passed across her brother's face in reaction to it.

"Elissa is set to marry the King." Nathaniel responded, watching his sister's eyes go wide with wonder as she turned from him to Elissa who looked down at the ground. "We are only together in the sense that she is now my Commander."

"Your Commander? I don't understand." Delilah answered, turning her confused eyes from one to the other.

"I am Warden-Commander of Ferelden, Delilah." Elissa answered, the urge to get as far away from them both fast starting to outweigh her delight to see Delilah alive once again.

"_You're_ the Hero of Ferelden!" Delilah gasped, suddenly understanding exactly how much now separated the two people she had once been so certain would always be together.

Elissa mistook that look for one of disgust, knowing that Delilah was equally as justified in being angered by her execution of their father as Nathaniel had been. She suddenly felt very old and very sad, and wanted nothing more than to go back to the time when she'd simply accepted she would never see either of them again.

"I'll give you two some time." Elissa said, reaching over to squeeze Delilah's shoulder. "It was incredibly good to see you again."

"No, you should stay!" Delilah said, reaching over to grab her hand before she could slip away.

"Perhaps another time." Elissa replied, smiling softly in her sadness as she nodded to Nathaniel. She had no place here, not any longer.

"I'll see you at the Chantry." Nathaniel said, watching her leave.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel ducked inside his sister's ragged little home after that, anxious to spend some time in the company of someone who was actually happy to see him instead of the painful half-acceptance he seemed destined to receive from Elissa.<p>

"Times must have been hard, Delilah. But you can do better than this." Nathaniel said, grimacing as he looked around at what was passing for her home. She'd done her best to make it comfortable, but it was far beneath any standards he'd set for where his sister should be living. "I don't have anything to offer you now, but I know that the Wardens receive a stipend and I can help you in time. Until then, come back to the estate. Elissa will surely put you up in one of the cottages there if she cannot allow you to stay within The Keep itself."

"What?" Delilah replied, brow furrowed as she looked up from her spot in the kitchen where she was busy making a small kettle of tea for them to share. "Oh, Nathaniel! I'm not here out of desperation! I've married a wonderful man, who I adore – and this is our home."

"Y-you're married?" Nathaniel gasped, watching the quick waggle of her fingers as she sat down at the table across from him reveal the dim flash of gold around her finger.

"I know you won't have time to meet him now, but I hope you'll return some time when you can. Albert is a good man. I think you'll like him." Delilah said, sipping gingerly at the steaming mug before her.

"Albert…" Nathaniel said, fingers wrapped around the mug as he stared down into it as though he could divine some sort of answers from the warm swirling liquid. "I'm sorry… it's just a lot to take in."

"For me as well." Delilah chuckled, sitting her mug down and reaching for his hand. "I'd given up hope of ever seeing you again. Elissa as well… and now, here you are – together, but _not_." The two shared a sigh, unsure how best to proceed from there. "I'm so sorry Nathaniel. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you."

"It isn't hard for you?" Nathaniel asked, noting with surprise that she didn't seem the least bit upset to discover that her childhood companion had mercilessly killed their father.

"What? Knowing that it was Elissa who killed father?" Delilah snorted, shaking her head at him. "That man _deserved_ to die. After what he forced her to suffer, it seems only right that it was Elissa who finally landed the blow that claimed his life."

"Isn't that overstating things a little?" Nathaniel asked, still unable to reconcile the memories of his boyhood with the monster the man had become. "He got caught up in politics… perhaps he was warped by Loghain…"

"All this time and you _still_ refuse to see…" Delilah said, rubbing at her forehead in disgust. "If you want the culprit that destroyed our family, it's him without question. Father always had a darkness within him – he simply hid it most of the time, but you weren't here at the end. You didn't see what he turned in to, what he did." She shivered then, and Nathaniel remembered her desperate letters, both to him and Elissa, as she'd watched their father's slow descent into madness. "I was lucky to escape his evil. Luckier still he was too busy hunting others to come in search of me. This life is so much better."

"I…. I had no idea…." Nathaniel replied, toying with the edge of her fingers and suddenly feeling as though he'd failed her and everyone who had once depended on him.

"Of _course_ you did!" Delilah answered, squeezing his hand. "But you always worshiped Father, right from when you were a little boy. I still can't believe you let him send you away like he did… I kept thinking you'd come back, but you never did."

"I know… and I can't apologize enough." Nathaniel said, rubbing his face hard with his hands as though he could wipe away the shame of having turned away when the most important people in his life seemed to have needed him the most. "If I could turn back time, I'd never have gotten on that ship! At the time, I thought I was doing what I had to do – for our family, and for Elissa… but now… now I've lost it all."

"Oh, Nathaniel! Don't you see? You haven't lost anything!" Delilah said, leaning across the table and taking his face in her hands. "You've found me again, and Elissa too… despite the odds against it. These things happen for a _reason_, brother."

"She's going to marry the King of Ferelden, Delilah." Nathaniel insisted, painfully extracting himself from his sister's hands and standing up from the table to thread his fingers into his hair. "Whatever Elissa and I once had seems unlikely to be reclaimed at this point."

"Well, certainly not if you're going to have that attitude!" Delilah replied, drawing his eyes over to her. "I _saw_ the way you looked at her, Nathaniel! You still love her every bit as much as you did back then. What you had, it was fate – it was destiny. A love like that does not simply cease to be. Somewhere inside her, Elissa feels it as well."

"It doesn't matter, Delilah." Nathaniel sighed, not wanting to discuss the matter any further. "She's going to marry another man and that's that. It's over. I've lost."

"You've not lost! You've just given up without even trying!" Delilah yelled, racing over to grab him and hold his eyes. "Do you still love her?"

"Yes! A million times yes! I love her with every ounce of my being!" Nathaniel retorted, shaking with the strength of that emotion, "I love her so much it hurts just to be near her and not to act on the impulse."

"Then _fight_! Fight for her, Nathaniel!" Delilah insisted, shaking him with her words – forcing him to see that she was right. "I am not wrong about this. Regardless of the time that's passed, and what's happened between you, the two of you are _meant_ to be. I have never been more certain of anything in my life."

Nathaniel sat then, falling limp into the worn armchair near his sister's flickering hearth as he accepted what he was now resolved to do, regardless of the consequences.

* * *

><p>When Nathaniel caught up to Elissa she was sitting out on the edge of the Chantry landing, feet dangling out over the wall as she read through the requests for aid she'd gathered from the Chantry Board behind them and the Merchant's Guild down below.<p>

He felt like he was back in their youth again as he approached her, struggling to find something to say that would establish conversation without instigating an argument but desperate to make the connection. It was at that moment he noticed the statue of Andraste seated into the ground just behind where she sat.

"Well, that figures…" Nathaniel muttered, unintentionally drawing her attention before he'd actually meant to get it.

"What's that?" Elissa asked, shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked up to him.

"There used to be another statue here." Nathaniel answered, moving closer to her so that he could block the sun from her face with the shadow of his body. "It was of Byron Howe, my great-uncle. He died in the rebellion, helping Maric to reclaim the throne… but it's gone now, just like everything else. All because of what my father did."

"I can have them replace it if you want." Elissa offered, drawing him to look at her and see that she was sincere.

"Don't bother, no one here will want to see it." Nathaniel snorted, folding his arms over his chest.

"I'm certain there is a long list of people aiming their arrows at my head who would disagree with that sentiment." Elissa chuckled, watching the glare he tossed her in response to her continued need to laugh at the loss of her own life.

"Regardless, there is no point in putting it back up now." Nathaniel sighed, reaching down to offer his hands when he saw she was trying to stand. "There was a long line of heroes in my family, but that's all gone now."

"Then turn it around, Nathaniel." Elissa insisted, holding on to his hands longer than he'd imagined she would as she tried to impress her point upon him. "Stop complaining about what you've lost and _do_ something to change it! The future is yours, it's what _you_ make of it now. There's no one stopping you, but you."

"Right. No pressure there." Nathaniel smirked, chuckling to cover up his nerves when her words reminded him of what Delilah had set him to do. "Delilah wants me to come back, once all this is done. She's married, and due in the spring."

"That's wonderful news!" Elissa said, squeezing his hands then moving away – clearly uncomfortable at the mention of her name though she was genuinely happy to have seen her alive.

"She misses you, Elissa – and she holds no enmity toward you for Father's death." Nathaniel explained, watching the disbelief as it was replaced by a genuine feeling of joy on Elissa's face. "She says Father deserved to die, deserved to be stripped of everything…"

"But you don't believe her?" Elissa replied, reading it in his eyes even before he'd spoke it. "Your own _sister_ and you don't believe her! You're impossible."

"I thought he had his reasons! It was a _war_, for Andraste's sake!" Nathaniel groused, pacing after her when she moved away from him in frustration. "Before I went to the Free Marches he was never…" he reached for the words, but found nothing. "How could he have changed so much?"

"Wait? This isn't about you not believing that your father was capable of it…" Elissa said, sudden realization coming into her as she turned back to Nathaniel – finally searching out what she'd been looking for in his eyes. "This is about you not forgiving yourself for being unable to prevent it. Nathaniel, this isn't your fault. _None_ of this is your fault."

"What if I'd never left?" Nathaniel said, running his thumbs restlessly across the bare skin of her fingers where they weren't covered by her gloves and feeling the slight tremor that ran through her with his touch. "I didn't have much choice, but still… If I had known this sooner, I might have…"

"I've found it! I've found the cache!" Anders voice called out as he charged up the stairs with Oghren in tow. He caught the brief flicker of motion as Elissa snatched her hands away from Nathaniel's and tried to hide whatever she had been feeling back down behind her walls.

"Excellent. Let's go have a look, shall we?" Elissa said, clearing her throat as she shoved her journal and the various scraps of paper she had collected from the meeting boards throughout the city into her pack.

Nathaniel sighed as he watched her walk away, frustrated at the interruptions he seemed doomed to suffer any time he'd made any progress toward repairing the damaged landscape between them.

* * *

><p>The main portion of the building Anders' contact had given him as the location of the Circle cache was completely empty, and though Anders himself was relieved, it left Elissa feeling distinctly unsettled.<p>

"I can't believe they didn't leave a guard here!" Anders gloated, feeling particularly uplifted at the prospect of finally disposing of the one thing between him and complete freedom from Chantry oppression. "Your luck really is impressive, Commander."

"That's the thing, Anders… I'm _not_ lucky." Elissa explained, eying every corner of the room carefully in her suspicion. "In fact, I'm distinctly _unlucky_… which means, this is very likely nothing more than a trap."

"For who? For me?" Anders asked, turning back to her and watching the raised eyebrow in response to what was apparently a silly question. "Why would they be trying to trap me now? You've already liberated me from the Circle. There'd be no reason to attempt to catch me now."

"I still think that…" Elissa began, growling in frustration when he darted into the room ahead of her in spite of her warning – forcing her to rush around the corner just to keep up and then stumbling to a stop against him and the group of angry Templars now standing in front of them.

"And here I almost believed the infamous Anders wouldn't take the bait." the woman holding Anders at sword point sneered, gleefully menacing the man.

"Ugh. I should have _known_ it would be you, Rylock." Elissa huffed, rolling her eyes as she shifted slightly in front of him and leveled her own irritated glare at the woman.

She sensed the others filtering into the room behind her, giving them at least a minute advantage numbers wise when things inevitably fell apart. This particular Templar did not seem given to reason.

"You made a poor choice with this one, Commander." Rylock sneered, tapping the end of her sword against the top edge of Anders' robes and watching him swallow hard as he fought the resist to cast on her. "Anders will _never_ submit. Not to us, and not to you."

"Anders has made a fine Warden so far." Elissa replied, continuing to subtly shift Anders behind her and pull the unbalanced Templar's focus in her direction. "Of course, that may be because I do not ask submission of him – simply the same respect I offer in return."

"Respect?" the woman snorted, rolling her eyes. "I heard rumor that you befriended a qunari during the Blight. Their idea of _respect_ with regard to these monstrosities is the only one I'll ever acknowledge."

"You bitch…" Anders muttered, starting to step forward but stopped when Elissa wound her arm across his stomach and shoved him forcefully behind her – setting herself directly in the path of the woman's blade.

"Hand him over and I'll make sure this murderer is never a bother to anyone again." Rylock said, eyes cold as she stared at Anders just beyond Elissa's shoulder.

"You can't arrest me!" Anders yelled, hearing Elissa sigh that he could not simply relax instead of exacerbating an already explosive situation. "The King himself allowed my conscription!"

"The Chantry's authority supersedes the crown in this matter, regardless of what _The Queen_ may have manipulated King Alistair to believe." Rylock hissed, daring to actually press the point of her blade against the upper edge of Elissa's armor. "You cannot hide within the Grey Warden ranks."

"I will tell you this one more time, Rylock… during which I suggest you drop your blade from my throat and consider the consequences of your actions…" Elissa said, voice pitched dangerously low and setting everyone in the room on edge. "Anders is a Grey Warden now. I will hand him over to _no_ _one_ willingly, least of all a stark raving lunatic like you. Now _back off_ while you still can."

"I wish I could say this was surprising." Rylock chuckled, not only failing to move her sword but stepping even closer to Elissa as she spoke. "The Grey Wardens have always been a haven for criminals and maleficar – particularly during _your_ time. It almost seems as though you seek them out."

"Choose your next words carefully." Elissa warned, fingers twitching in anticipation. "They may very well be your last."

"Turn the mage over to us _now_ and I will consider the idea of neglecting to mention the way that you seem to have _unnaturally_ bent the King to your will to the Divine when I'm done with him." Rylock threatened, menacing Elissa with the tip of her blade once more.

"That was not a wise choice." Elissa said, shoving Anders back far enough to draw her own blades without hitting him and hoping that he would understand to back out of the room and give them all space to fight.

He followed her unspoken command, moving out into the hall with Nathaniel as she and Oghren engaged the Templars directly. Oghren had the two men who had come along with her down in record time, but Rylock herself proved to be difficult to manage when fueled by her insanity.

Anders set himself to throw a paralysis spell at her but was thrown back as she leveled a massive smite in his direction, sending him scrambling to recover his senses and his footing. By the time he'd managed to stand again, it was over – the woman who had been a constant nightmare to him for years lying dead on the floor with her companions, one of Nathaniel's arrows protruding from her forehead.

"I-I…" Anders stuttered, really at a loss for words when he realized what Elissa had done for him – again. "Thank you. You stood by me when you didn't have to, I… I don't know what else to say. It sounds insufficient regardless."

"You're family now, Anders. I've told you that." Elissa replied, struggling to calm her breathing in the aftermath of the fight. "I'll not let them come after any of you without a fight. Family fights for each other even if they fight amongst each other as well."

They all shared in a laugh, even Nathaniel and Elissa tossing a hesitant smile across the room at the implications of that statement.

"Now, I need to head back to the Chantry and speak to someone about this mess." Elissa said, rubbing at her forehead wearily. "Anders, you and Oghren go ahead of us to the tavern. It's probably best that you aren't there when I tell them what I did and why."

"I'm not going to let you take the blame for this alone." Anders insisted, shaking his head.

"Yes, you are. I'm your Commander; it's what I do. Besides, I suspect it's actually Alistair that will take the blame in the end." Elissa sighed, dreading the idea of telling him but adding it to the rapidly gathering pile of things they'd argue over when he returned. "Ugh… that is _not_ a conversation I'm looking forward to having."

"I'm sorry. I should have thought about it. It was selfish of me to ask you to do this." Anders said, feeling horrible about the whole mess.

"Don't worry about it. Obviously Rylock would have come back for you anyway." Elissa replied, shuffling them in the direction of the door. "You just forced us to address it now rather than later, and she did threaten me with a sword so… that will make Alistair distinctly _less_ likely to stay angry about it for long."

Anders didn't like it, but he allowed himself to be corralled out the door and directed off with Oghren in the direction of the tavern.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Nathaniel offered, opting to give her the option of sending him away rather than forcing her to accept his company.

"No, it's not necessary. Go with the others, get something to eat." Elissa insisted, ushering him off as well. "Use that coin I gave you earlier which you seem resolutely set _against_ spending."

He chuckled as he left, leaving her to deal with the fallout of the slaughtered Templars.

* * *

><p>When Elissa finally found her way to the tavern, the last rays of sunlight were fading from the Amaranthine sky. She was exhausted, but distinctly more hopeful than when she'd started the day, having run into Wynne inside the Chantry walls.<p>

The elder mage had reassured her that she was capable of doing anything she set her mind to, and that all she had to do was have faith in her companions' abilities to offer the support she would require.

They had spoken at length about her melancholy at the separation from Alistair, and Wynne had calmly reminded her that they'd survived such a divide before and would no doubt do it again. Elissa did not mention Nathaniel, knowing that the omission of his presence said more than an explanation ever would have.

She felt guilty and confused and more than anything she ached for Alistair to return to her. She knew that regardless of the arguments they would have about the things she had kept from him, she would feel infinitely more secure with his reassuring presence at her side. She felt adrift without him.

Inside the tavern, Oghren was already three sheets to the wind at a table in the far corner of the room while Anders was busy chatting up two of the establishment's pretty barmaids. She rolled her eyes at him as she passed by, intentionally avoiding making eye contact with Nathaniel though she'd seen enough to know he was tending to his bow by the fire to her left.

"Can I do something for you, friend?" the tavern keep asked, smiling at her as she leaned against the counter across from him.

"I certainly hope so." Elissa chuckled, ready to be done with her exceptionally long day. "Did a Grey Warden by the name of Kristoff happen to come through here?"

"Aye, he's been here. Not sure where he's gone though. Disappeared nearly a week ago, haven't heard from him since." the man replied, wiping at the counter with his rag.

"I suppose it's too much to hope that he might have mentioned what he was looking for here in the city?" Elissa asked, hopeful but ready to be let down. Wardens tended to be secretive, as she herself knew all too well.

"Didn't say much to me, but he chatted Sorcha up a bit when she brought him his dinner." The man explained, tilting his head in the direction of the barmaid he spoke of. "Might want to talk to her if it's information you're after."

"Was he keeping a room?" Elissa asked, hopeful that if he'd taken enough time to befriend one of the employees he'd also thought to take a base of operation there as well.

"He was." The tavern keep replied, eying her suspiciously. "Though you'll have to make a pretty good case for why I should allow you to invade the man's privacy."

"I'm the Warden-Commander of Ferelden, which would make me his superior officer." Elissa replied, watching it register on the man's face exactly who she was. "I'd imagine that gives me as much right as anyone to rifle through his belongings, especially since I only aim to try and discover where he's gone."

"That will suffice." the man replied, reaching into his pocket and drawing out the key she required. "It's the last room at the end of the hall, and he's paid up on it through the end of the month if you'd like to stay the night."

"Yes, actually. Though – I've three of my men along as well. I'll need to see to their lodging before I claim one for my own." Elissa replied, pulling out the coin she would need to pay for the night.

"I'm happy to offer you the space that I can, unfortunately there are only two other rooms free tonight aside from the one you're taking in the absence of your fellow Warden." the man explained, taking what he needed to book the rooms and returning what was left to her hands.

"Then I'll take what you have, and two of them will simply have to share." Elissa replied, claiming the other two keys and winking at him as she walked away. She beckoned Anders to join her over at Nathaniel's table by the fire – watching him reluctantly remove himself from the company of the barmaids.

"You tell me to find a lady friend and then interrupt my banter." Anders chastised, pouting as he found his way into a chair opposite Nathaniel's.

"I'll send you right back to it, I simply called you over to give you a room key and tell you I've booked rooms for the night." Elissa explained, chuckling lightly at him as she shoved the keys in each of their directions. "I'm staying in Kristoff's room, but there are two others. One of you will have to share with Oghren."

"Why can't one of us share with you?" Anders quipped, winking at her. "It seems _far_ more appealing an option than sharing with a rash ridden dwarf."

"Perhaps to you." Elissa laughed, patting his shoulder. "Besides, I tend to hog the blankets whereas Oghren will probably sleep on the floor." She wandered off after that, giving a half nod of acknowledgement to Nathaniel as she made her way up the steps and down the long hall to Kristoff's room.

* * *

><p>When Nathaniel finally managed the courage it took to make his way to her room, it was several hours later. He'd sat in front of the fire for some time oiling his bow and fletching some arrows, anything he could come up with to fight down the raging case of nerves welling up within him.<p>

He finally remembered Fergus' advice from years before when it came to dealing with a potentially temperamental Elissa, and used what was left of his coin purse to order a large variety of food and a tankard of ale to take up to her room. Arms fully loaded, he made his way down the hall to knock at her door.

"Come in." she called from inside, and he pressed the door open – watching the slow pass of her eyes up to his from where she sat on the couch in front of the fire. "What's all that?" she laughed, letting the journal fall back into her lap as she eyed him suspiciously.

"You didn't eat anything. I thought you were probably hungry." Nathaniel replied, smiling back at her as he put his offerings down on the table in front of her and sat on the opposite end of the couch – watching her pull her feet back so that she wouldn't actually touch him.

"I am actually." she said, reaching out to grab a wedge of cheese off the plate and take a bite from it. "Thank you for thinking of me."

She was out of her armor and dressed in a simple linen shirt and pants, her hair down loose at her shoulders. He could smell the waves of lilac coming off of her and knew she'd taken a bath sometime between now and when she'd left them in the tavern below.

"Made any headway in figuring out where our missing Warden has gone?" Nathaniel asked, trying to fight through some of the tension with less serious conversation.

"Maybe. There are several notations in his journal about the Blackmarsh." Elissa said, munching on another hunk of cheese and watching the recognition of the name ring in Nathaniel's mind just as it had her own. "As he's also circled it several times on that map pinned to the wall, I'm fairly certain if he's to be found – it's going to be there."

"Father said that one day the Blackmarsh was thriving, and the next everyone was just...gone." Nathaniel said, standing to walk over and look at the map that Elissa had indicated. "Have you any idea what he went looking for?"

"According to his notes there are…" Elissa said, leaning forward to touch the pages of his journal where it lay on the table at her side and stretching her legs back across the couch in the process. "…scattered reports of talking darkspawn and a _wormlike_ creature with legs that travels along with the darkspawn. He seemed as reluctant to believe such things as I would be had I not already seen some of it with my own eyes."

"So it's true?" Nathaniel asked, picking her legs up and laying them out across his lap without even realizing what he was doing. "The creatures have started to _speak_?"

"I have spoken to one thus far, but yes – it would seem that these darkspawn have been altered somehow from those we have encountered in the past." Elissa explained, fighting against the urge to flinch away from his touch as he settled back into the couch beside her and brought her legs to rest against his lap.

"What about the hunters?" Nathaniel asked, still not registering what he'd done as he reached over to pick up and thumb through the missing Warden's journal for himself. "Did they mention speaking darkspawn?"

"Speaking, no? Oddly behaving swarms that boiled out of the earth and paid them no mind, yes!" Elissa replied, leaning forward to grab another finger full of food off the plate. "Two men, _injured_ no less, and a group of spawn pass them right by without even a second glance. It doesn't add up. None of it does."

"What does it mean?" Nathaniel asked, letting the book fall down against her shins as he reached up to absently rub at her foot while he read the next pages.

"I-I don't know…" Elissa replied, fighting the urge to groan as he pressed against a sore spot in her aching feet. She should really discourage him from touching her, and she knew it – but the pressure just felt so good. "It can't be good though."

She reached over for the bottle on her table then, anxious to silence the chatter in her head as she was hit again by the waves of confusion that just seemed to radiate between them whenever she and Nathaniel found themselves alone together.

"When did you start drinking so much?" Nathaniel chuckled, watching her take a long pull from the bottle and shifting the journal to the floor as he focused his attention on her other foot.

"Orzammar I guess, after the Provings." Elissa replied, tilting her head back and allowing herself to enjoy the tension being worked out of her muscles beneath Nathaniel's gentle but insistent fingers.

"You watched the Provings?" Nathaniel asked, genuinely surprised.

"I _won_ the Provings." Elissa smirked, taking another drink from the bottle and allowing it to dangle from her fingertips just above the floor.

"You did not!" Nathaniel laughed, his fingers stilling as he smiled.

"Did too! Ask Oghren!" Elissa replied, kicking gently at him to get him to start again.

"I can't believe it, but you actually _did_ go out and do it all – didn't you?" Nathaniel asked, unable to stop himself from beaming with pride at her.

"What?" Elissa asked, smiling back at him though she was confused by his point.

"All the things we used to dream about as teenagers. All the things we used to imagine we'd do together." Nathaniel said, the weight of her body against his own suddenly seeming incredibly arousing no matter how innocent he'd intended it to be.

"Actually, now that I think about it – I have checked off quite a few." Elissa laughed, starting to count things off on her fingers. "Won a battle royale, saw the highest mountains and the furthest reaches of the Waking Sea, slayed a dragon." His eyes went wide at that one, which only made her smile broader. "Did that one several times over, though I'm not sure if Flemeth or the Archdemon actually count…"

"Flemeth! As in the Witch of the Wilds!" Nathaniel gasped, reaching over to take the bottle from her hand after she'd drank from it again, aiming to take a drink for himself in an attempt to calm his raging hormones at being so near to her again when they were not at each others throats.

"The very same." Elissa replied, trying to stop him from taking the long drink she saw coming from the bottle with a half-hearted warning, "careful, that's…" she watched him flinch and cough as the liquid hit his throat. "…quite strong…"

"Holy Maker! What in the bloody hell _is_ this?" Nathaniel asked, continuing to cough as he held the bottle out to inspect it.

"Something Oghren gave me." Elissa laughed, smirking at him. "Dragon's Piss I think he called it."

"Dragon's Piss indeed." Nathaniel chuckled, putting the bottle down on the table in front of them with a disgusted look on his face. "You could have warned me."

"What, and miss the look on your face right now?" Elissa laughed, settling back against the arm of the couch as he started to rub at her feet again. "Absolutely not."

They sat in companionable silence for a moment, simply enjoying the warmth of the body next to them and the idea that in time things between them might heal to a level that was at least bearable given some time.

"I have to find this Warden, Nathaniel." Elissa said, drawing his eyes to her where she stared into the fire. "I found these letters from his wife. She was on her way here from Jadar to join him at The Keep before he disappeared." She turned up to look at him then, and he could see the pain in her eyes. "I know it's entirely possible that he could be dead, and if he is then I'll deal with it. But the idea that she could go the rest of her life simply _not_ knowing what's happened to him. I can't stomach it."

"That must have been quite a letter." Nathaniel said, wondering what the woman could have written to so affect the woman beside him.

"Letters can be powerful things when you've nothing else to go on." Elissa replied, watching the emotions flicker through the stormy grey of his eyes as she held them with her own.

"They can also be destructive when they're used to say goodbye." Nathaniel replied, tossing his own injurious comment out in response to her own. "Tell me, how _does_ the King's uncle feel about watching his promised bride marry another man?"

"What? Are you talking about Teagan?" Elissa croaked, barely able to contain her laughter at the thought. "The man's a right flirt, that's for sure – but I was never set to marry him. Whatever gave you _that_ idea?"

"You gave me that idea!" Nathaniel retorted, temper rising that she could forget writing the most horrific piece of post he'd ever received.

"I did no such thing!" Elissa hissed, folding her arms over her chest and watching him toss her legs out of his lap and stride over to the door. He returned a moment later from his room with a battered piece of parchment, which he tossed unceremoniously to the couch beside her, watching it flutter down to the spot where he'd just been sitting.

* * *

><p><em>Nathaniel,<em>

_I can wait no longer. This burden has become too much for me to bear. _

_Mother has suggested a match with Teagan Guerrin, and though he is a few years my senior, he is an honorable man with a good heart and would tolerate my idiosyncrasies as well as can be expected. _

_The match will be beneficial to my family, and I find that I must do my duty and pursue it. _

_I wish you the best._

_Elissa_

* * *

><p>"This… this is my handwriting, Nathaniel – but I never wrote this." Elissa insisted, eyes flickering up to his as it dawned on her what was happening.<p>

"What do you mean you never wrote it?" Nathaniel grumbled, rubbing at his temples. "It's right there, plain as day."

"Wait, just wait." Elissa insisted, reaching for her journal and flipping through the pages to retrieve a battered page of her own. She held it out to him and waited for him to take it.

* * *

><p><em>Elissa,<em>

_My time in the Free Marches has left me a changed man. I have found in this place, and in these people a home that I could never have in Ferelden._

_I have held these words back from you for so long because I did not wish to cause you pain; but the more I thought on it - the more I realized that telling you the truth was the honorable thing to do, even though it will hurt you._

_I do not plan to return from the Free Marches. I have met someone, and she has given me a reason to stay._

_I am sorry to have allowed you to believe in the illusion of our relationship for so long. It was cruel, and I do not expect to be forgiven._

_Nathaniel_

* * *

><p>"This isn't mine." Nathaniel said, completely confused as he ran his eyes over the words again – searching for some memory of writing them as the handwriting was identical to his own. "Where did you get this?"<p>

"In the post, same as you I'd imagine." Elissa said, watching him fall back into the couch beside her as the realization that they'd been played like pawns yet again washed over them both.

"So you never accepted a marriage proposal from Teagan Guerrin?" Nathaniel asked, though he already knew the answer.

"Maker no! There wasn't even an offer as far as I know." Elissa said, shaking her head.

"Well I _certainly_ never met anyone in the Free Marches, nor did I ever have any intention to stay." Nathaniel assured her, tossing the old letter onto the table where she'd already lain the one he'd brought to her. "I spent every day missing you. You were the only thing that kept me going through most of it… I was lost for quite some time after I thought you were gone."

"I know the feeling." Elissa replied, chuckling sadly and picking at the edge of her sleeve to avoid his eyes.

"Kiss me." Nathaniel said, leaning over to her suddenly and taking her face within his hands – forcing her to look up at him.

"What?" Elissa said, trying to pull away from him. "You've had too much to drink, Nathaniel."

"I've had one pull from your bottle and a single flask of ale in the tavern, that's hardly enough to put down someone with my tolerance." Nathaniel insisted, refusing to allow her to slip away. "I know exactly what I'm asking of you."

"I'm _not_ kissing you!" Elissa insisted, finally managing to elude him and get to her feet – scrambling back against the map on the far wall. "I think you should go."

"I'm not letting this go, Elissa." Nathaniel insisted, coming to stand in front of her and trapping her against the wall with a hand on either side of her body. "Kiss me. Kiss me and prove it's over. If it is, if there's nothing left between us, then I'll walk away – I'll let you reassign me to the Anderfels if you want."

"I don't have to prove anything to you!" Elissa hissed, glaring up at him and fighting the trembling in her legs and arms. He was so close, and he smelled so good. It was a matter of inches and she could have him again – just a simple matter of inches. "Alistair is a good man, and I love him."

"A good man whose ring you aren't wearing." Nathaniel said, watching her glance down to her bare finger.

"I'm not wearing it because it makes swordplay difficult to manage." Elissa insisted, repeating the excuse she'd made for herself when she took off his ring and left it back in her room at The Keep.

"I don't care why you aren't wearing it. I don't care if you put it back on tomorrow." Nathaniel insisted, leaning in closer to her and brushing his nose against her own. "I just want to know if there is any reason to keep hoping that what we lost can be found again."

"It can't, Nathaniel." Elissa said, meeting his eyes and nearly being consumed by everything she could see burning there. "What we had was… it doesn't matter what it was. It's over, and we can never get it back."

"Then _kiss_ me and put it to rest." Nathaniel said, dipping in further but not actually making contact with her lips though he could feel her breath mingling with his own.

"I won't do that to Alistair." Elissa said, shaking her head.

"But you'll allow your _friend_ to see you nearly naked and paw at you? I don't see how my request is any different. It's quite tame in comparison." Nathaniel snorted, rolling his eyes.

"That's different and you know it." Elissa hissed, eyes narrowing as anger began to work its way in among the confusing swell of desire.

"It's very different, because you love me still… just like I love you." Nathaniel insisted, watching his words hit home and bloom into life within the shining depths of her emerald eyes.

"I don't…" Elissa swore, her voice shaking just like her body.

"Then kiss me. Kiss me and I'll know, we will both know. Then we can move on, forward, backward, sideways… I don't care. I'll go wherever you tell me to go. Wherever you want me to go." Nathaniel said, leaning in and tugging her hard against him – knowing she'd feel just how much he wanted her but not caring to hide it anymore.

"Get out." Elissa said, weakly at first, eyes pressed shut as she struggled to find the strength to say no to his demands. "Get out of my room!" she yelled it then, pulling free from his arms and shoving him away.

"As you wish." Nathaniel responded, infuriated that she had denied him when it was obvious that she still desired him every bit as much as he desired her.

He stalked out of the room after that, slamming her door behind him and missing the motion of her crumbling to the floor and giving herself over to the wracking force of her tears.


	7. Chapter 7: Desert Descent

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Shorter chapter here mainly because it was crazy long until I divided it into two. _

_Muse Music: Jar of Hearts by Christina Perry._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! And to my wonderful Lady Beta, **artemiskat**._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One  
><em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Seven: Desert Descent<strong>_

Elissa received a letter from Alistair along with her breakfast in the morning, and poured over every word gratefully as she dressed for the day – willing his sweet words to grant her the power to face the trials that lay ahead of her.

_Elissa, _

_The Bannorn is a torture. How you ever managed to stand this mind numbing boredom is beyond my ability to comprehend, though now your disdain for the inner workings for polite society certainly makes a great deal more sense to me. _

_I miss you. It seems too simple a thing to say to explain the way I've felt since I walked away from Vigil's Keep in anger, but there it is. _

_I should never have left things as I did. I promise to make it up to you when I return. _

_I love you Elissa, with all my heart. I trust that you will make good on your promise to marry me when you are ready, and I will not pressure you again – with my own insecurities or by the instructions of my uncle._

_Yours always,_

_Alistair_

"I don't deserve you, my love." Elissa said, tracing her fingers over the paper and then tucking it away within her pack for safe keeping.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel woke overwhelmed by emotion. He was equal parts frustrated by Elissa's refusal to accept his request the night before and frustrated with himself for pressuring her to do it. He'd backed her into a corner and she'd reacted like a frightened animal, lashing out at him to push him away.<p>

It would take some time to repair the damage he had caused, and he wasn't looking forward to the attitude he knew he would receive when next he saw her – no matter how much he might admit he deserved it.

When he emerged from his room, he could hear Elissa's voice pitched low as she spoke to someone just outside the door to her own chamber.

"It's getting harder to control." Elissa said, and Nathaniel watched her toss back another vial of something – thumping her head hard against the wall as she swallowed it down.

"The stress isn't helping, my lady." Swiftrunner replied, reaching over to reclaim the now empty vial. "Perhaps contacting the First Warden and requesting…"

"The First Warden doesn't know about this, and he never will. Some of the blame will fall on Alistair if that happens, and I won't see him taken under by my weakness." Elissa replied, holding his eyes to press her point. "I am a Grey Warden, Dastan. The only way out is death. You don't get to ask for sick leave. You don't get days off for madness. Now, come, let's gather the others and get under way."

They moved off down the hall after that, leaving Nathaniel to bring up the rear.

* * *

><p>Elissa had the group on the road to Knotwood Hills less than an hour later, stomachs full and packs filled with enough supplies to last them for several days. The landscape of the area was arid and covered in wicked looking brambles, a dusty wind whipping through it and wearing down the fragile sandy hills into nothing.<p>

It left them with little to look at to pass the time, which only made it more difficult for Elissa to avoid making eye contact with Nathaniel who she knew had been watching her since they'd left the walls of Amaranthine. She was incredibly thankful when Anders and Oghren finally started to argue amongst themselves - blissfully accepting the distraction it offered.

"I'm just going to assume that something died in your mouth." Anders said, glaring over at the dwarf who'd ridden with Swiftrunner this time – his back to the wolf as he looked off into the hills.

"Funny story: dwarf attacks mage. Dwarf wins." Oghren retorted, smirking at Anders who rode behind Elissa and tossing her a wink for good measure.

"Yeah, I noticed how you pissed in your armor in that last fight." Anders replied, rolling his eyes. "Well done. It'd be nice if you'd clean it occasionally. You may have slept on the floor, but it didn't stop the stink from taking over the whole room."

"Thank you! I'll be here all week." Oghren replied, raising his arms triumphantly when everyone started to chuckle in spite of themselves.

"You don't actually think your jokes are funny, do you?" Anders groused, folding his arms and refusing to admit he was entertained.

"Could have sworn that fly was buzzing again." Oghren muttered, reaching for his flask and taking a long pull.

"Har! Let me tell you about my life in one word!" Anders said, affecting what Elissa could only guess to be his best impression of Oghren. He finished the thought with an impressive belch, right next to Elissa's ear.

"Hey! Watch it!" Elissa hissed, glaring over her shoulder at him only to receive a wink and waggle of his eyebrows in reply as though she'd been impressed by his show of virility.

"Oh no! Don't take me back to the tower!" Oghren retorted, turning sideways in the saddle and crossing his legs in a ladylike fashion at the ankles. "I'm far, far too delicate!"

"I'm not only a dwarf, I'm a moron! Listen to me fart!" Anders responded, smiling when Elissa whipped around to glare at him just in case he was thinking about pulling out one of those as well.

"Oh no, big Templar man! What are you going to do with that sword?" Oghren said, pitching his voice impossibly high and sending everyone but Anders into fits of laughter.

"Eww." Anders said, though Elissa could feel him trying not to laugh against her back.

"Don't play with fire unless you want to get burned, son." Oghren said, turning back to his original position and smiling victoriously as Swiftrunner guided his horse to the edge of the chasm.

"He's got a point." Elissa said, continuing to chuckle as she brought her own horse to a stop beside Swiftrunner's. "There's a reason you don't see me tossing insults at Oghren."

"We'll have to go on foot from here." Swiftrunner noted, dropping down from his horse and helping Oghren to the ground. "The ground is much too fragile to descend any further on horseback."

"There are darkspawn down there for certain. The sensation is strong enough that I'd assume there to be a great number since alone their altered blood is difficult to detect." Elissa said, handing her reins over for Swiftrunner to tether as she moved down the path ahead.

"Should we be able to sense them by now?" Nathaniel asked, drawing Elissa's eye for a moment. He saw the discomfort pass across her face briefly as she remembered what he'd pressed on her the night before.

"I'm not sure. I was able to detect the taint shortly after my Joining – though I didn't learn to actually _read_ it until much later." Elissa replied, pulling every bit of the Warden-Commander out of herself she could muster to try not to see Nathaniel as the man that he was instead of just other recruit. "It's possible it's taking you all longer because these new spawn have a trace that is so much harder to track. It may be different when we get down into the chasm though, especially if they're as concentrated as I suspect they will be."

"So you think we'll be able to sense them then?" Anders asked, equally curious about his developing abilities.

"It's likely, yes." Elissa answered, leaving them to trail behind her as she descended further down the path. "I have to warn you… it can be overwhelming."

"Overwhelming how?" Anders asked, not sure if he wanted to know but figuring he might as well be prepared.

"You'll start to feel it here," Elissa said, tapping against her sternum lightly. "Eventually it just kind of becomes a tingling, like an itch inside the bone… but it can start as nausea, intense nausea depending on the number of darkspawn when the ability manifests." She thought back to the first time she'd felt it. It'd sent her staggering back against Alistair and fighting the urge to get sick. "You'll learn to ignore the nausea for the most part in time, though large concentrations can still bring it on. Alistair and I were both sick in the Dead Trenches and we'd been sensing the spawn for some time at that point."

"Vomit inspiring bone itch. Just when I think you can't tell me anything more attractive about my new calling in life." Anders muttered, grimacing at her.

Elissa just shrugged, knowing there was nothing she could say to make it any better. Their life was what it was and they'd all have to adjust one way or another. She slowed the group with a raised hand, calling their attention to a large lumbering creature on the path ahead.

"Maker! What is that thing?" Anders whispered, moving closer to her side to get a clearer look at it. It looked like a bear but was covered with large bone-like spikes that protruded through its skin.

"Bereskarn." Swiftrunner answered, slowly pulling loose his daggers and setting the rest of the group into motion arming themselves.

"Essentially it's a bear that's been tainted. Just an unfortunate side effect of blighted land." Elissa explained, edging toward it. "Watch the spikes. Sting like a son of a bitch if they nick you."

With such a large group, taking the large beast down was somewhat anticlimactic. Afterward Elissa sheathed her blades and moved to the ledge in front of them, looking down into the chasm beyond.

"Oghren!" Elissa called, waving him to her side. "Does that look like dwarven masonry to you?"

"Aye." Oghren replied, squinting to make out the floor far below. "Looks like the whole area is collapsing in on the Deep Roads."

"Someone's been attempting to reinforce the area, perhaps for excavation?" Elissa said, noting the rickety stairways and wall supports that had been built as she moved them further down the path and across a long rope bridge over the chasm. "Have you heard anything that would lead you to believe the dwarves had mounted some sort of expedition out here?"

"Nothing." Oghren shrugged, inspecting the bridge cautiously and watching the others do the same before stepping onto it. "Though the lost thaigs are scattered across Thedas. There could be one below for all I know."

"That would explain the reclamation efforts." Elissa noted, hitting the ground on the other side and inspecting some buckets and masonry tools on the ground nearby. "Though the lack of dwarves is unsettling."

"Is there anything about this place that _isn't_ unsettling?" Anders asked, gesturing at a series of darkspawn décor lining the chasm walls beside them.

"What? You don't fancy their decorating skills?" Elissa chuckled, waving an appreciative hand nearby. "I'm sure they'll be heartbroken to hear that you don't fancy the spikes and horns school of design."

"Yes, yes. Laugh it up!" Anders snorted, narrowing his eyes on her as she poked her tongue out and moved ahead with Oghren and Swiftrunner, leaving him to bring up the rear with the exceptionally morose Nathaniel. "What's with you today?"

"I don't know what you mean." Nathaniel grumbled, focusing on the descent and not on the suddenly chatty mage.

"You know exactly what I mean, you just don't want to talk about it." Anders replied, crossing his arms and inspecting the man.

"You're much smarter than you look." Nathaniel replied, sneering at him.

"And you're exactly as bitter as you look." Anders retorted, smirking back at him. "You know, you tried to talk to me the other day… well, now I'm talking, so, let's chat."

"I've changed my mind." Nathaniel replied, kicking at a lump of grass as he passed by. "I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"You are a prickly bastard, Howe. I don't know what the Commander ever saw in you." Anders chuckled, watching the archer's temper flare when his barb hit its mark. "You know, you're just like me."

"Am I, now?" Nathaniel replied, fighting hard against the urge to punch him right over the cliff edge.

"Everyone hates your family for something terrible they did, even though you weren't involved!" Anders continued, strolling leisurely down the path – not a care in the world, and enjoying every second of discomfort he was inflicting.

"I hope you have a point, Anders." Nathaniel hissed, eyes narrowed. "And if you do, I'd suggest you get to it quickly."

"Just thinking it's like you're a mage, that's all." Anders said, grinning at him triumphantly. "If there were more Howes – you know – if the Commander hadn't _killed_ most of you… they'd probably lock all of you up in a tower to protect everyone else!"

Elissa had overheard enough to know she had to intervene at this point, coming to a stop at the beginning of the last flight of stairs leading to the chasm floor and shuffling Anders past her. She silenced any reply Nathaniel had been formulating with a pointed glare, staying in between them as they descended to the stone below.

When they hit the bottom, they were set upon by a large pack of deepstalkers, most of whom seemed to be very fond of Nathaniel. He was forced to kick at them for the most part when they got too close for his arrows, and Elissa couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the tall bulky archer stomping about like he was menaced by mice.

"Well, they certainly seemed to like you." Elissa said, continuing to chuckle as she sheathed her swords when the last had fallen.

"It must be my animal magnetism." Nathaniel grumbled, tossing his bow over his shoulder and kicking at one of the corpses in frustration as he caught up to her.

"Maker, Nathaniel! Did you just make a joke?" Elissa sputtered, covering her mouth to prevent her laughter from bubbling up uncontrolled.

"I used to be funny." Nathaniel answered, glaring at her.

"You were never funny." Elissa snorted, catching up to the others and kneeling down with Swiftrunner in the area that must have been where the hunters fell down.

"This is the area most recently disturbed." Swiftrunner noted, poking about at the entry cautiously. "It's sealed now though, we'll have to find another way in."

"Oooh, shiny!" Anders said, pulling up a silver charm on a leather cord from the dirt at his feet.

It looked so similar to the one that Nathaniel still wore around his neck, it made him bring his hand to his chest just to make sure it was still there. He saw Elissa's eyes flicker over to him, reading the gesture for what it was. He made no effort to hide it. If she knew he wore it still, then let her. He'd already laid all his cards out for her to see.

"It probably belongs to one of the hunters." Elissa said, swallowing at the thought that Nathaniel still wore the necklace she had given him years ago – and what that might mean. "Tuck it away for safe keeping until we make it back to Amaranthine."

Elissa turned them in the opposite direction after that, moving them cautiously along the haphazard planes of the newly revealed Deep Roads as they sought another entrance into the caverns below. She could sense a few darkspawn milling about nearby, and stopped them at an intersection long enough for her to peer around the corner and see what lay ahead.

What she saw filled her with fury. Three darkspawn had set upon a single dwarven woman, attempting to capture her and drag her down into the earth below.

"They've got a woman." Elissa hissed, turning back to the group with fear and darkness in her eyes. "Kill them or kill her. They are not, under any circumstances, allowed to take her alive!" she insisted, unsheathing her blades. "Am I understood?"

"Y-Yes ma'am." Anders stuttered, seeing there was no argument she would accept and trailing behind her with Nathaniel as she ran screaming down the incline beyond.

She murdered these particular darkspawn with prejudice, taking off limbs and huge chunks of their bodies in her anger – finally kneeling to help the shaken woman to her feet once they'd all been put down.

"Well… that was… close." The woman panted, holding Elissa's eyes as she reached down. "For a moment there I thought I was _really_ about to join the Legion of the Dead."

"Are you alright?" Elissa asked, waving Anders over to inspect her for injuries.

"I might have cracked a rib, but it's hard to be sure." the woman answered with a grimace as Anders prodded at her side. "Everything hurts."

Elissa watched as Anders passed the waves of healing energy across her, knitting together any fractured bones and broken skin with his talented hands.

"Those tattoos are Legion." the woman said, tilting her chin up to the faint markings on the right half of Elissa's face.

"They are." Elissa admitted with a smile. "I spent some time with the Legion back in Orzammar. Kardol is a good friend of mine. Gave them to me as a parting gift."

"Then you're… by the Stone, you're the Hero of Ferelden!" the woman replied, beaming up at her now and pulling to her feet once Anders had finished. "So many questions! But, unfortunately I can't chat for long. I need to go back, as foolish as that sounds. I have to see if there is anything I can do."

"Is there a battle somewhere?" Elissa asked, knowing the Legion wouldn't have been sent for a simple excavation.

"The old fortress of Kal'Hirol." the woman replied, beginning to move further down the sloped plane of the collapsing tunnels. "There's something going on in there. We think the darkspawn are breeding an army."

"An army? But there's no Blight?" Nathaniel asked, raising an eyebrow then shifting uncomfortably when his voice drew a very inquisitive look from the pretty dwarf.

"It's true. That's why the Legion went in to investigate." the woman continued, smiling flirtatiously up at Nathaniel before it was lost behind sadness with the memory of where she had just been. "But… it proved too much for us. It was a _massacre_. I'm… I'm the only one left."

"How did you manage to get away?" Anders asked, shivering at the thought of being swarmed by those things miles beneath the earth.

"When I saw my friends being cut down… I-I I fought back at first, but then I realized they didn't want to kill me, they wanted to capture me. After that I got scared and just ran as fast as I could go." the woman explained, trying to shake off the shame and fear that welled up inside her.

"These darkspawn are different. They've _evolved_ somehow, and if they've managed to decimate the Legion so effectively – they've also managed to advance their combat skills as well." Elissa said, drawing a half nod from the woman as they reached the bottom end of the slope. "We will come with you. Together we can avenge the Legion and clear those monsters out from below."

"What? Really?" the woman replied, shaking her head in confusion that a stranger – even someone like the Hero, would be interested in helping a lone dwarf on a suicide mission. "Did I mention that Kal'Hirol was a death trap? Why would you want to do this?"

"Consider it a favor to a sister of the Legion." Elissa smirked, winking at the woman. "Also, I'm a Grey Warden. Killing darkspawn is kind of what we do."

"Then let's not waste time, sister." The woman smiled, reaching out her hand. "I'm Sigrun, Kal'Hirol awaits and darkspawn – when left to themselves – get up to all sorts of nonsense."

* * *

><p>Sigrun's presence couldn't have come at a better time as far as Elissa was concerned. Her addition to the group seemed to have lightened the atmosphere between them all considerably, and Elissa was constantly entertained by the tiny woman's attempts to woo Nathaniel.<p>

"How do you stand living under all that rock?" Nathaniel asked, attempting to dissuade the cheeky woman's constant attempts to flirt with him though he genuinely enjoyed the pleasant conversation.

"I don't understand." Sigrun replied, perplexed by the notion that anyone would find it odd.

"Orzammar is under a mountain. Just thinking about the crushing weight of a mountain overhead makes me shudder." Nathaniel noted, watching the increasingly muck ridden floors with disgust as they moved deeper and deeper into the earth.

"Surfacers live in buildings, don't you?" Sigrun asked, shrugging at him. "If a building fell on you, wouldn't it make you just as dead?"

"That's an incredibly comforting thought, Sigrun. Thanks." Nathaniel quipped, a frown crossing his face when whatever Anders had been saying to Elissa sent her into peals of laughter up ahead of them.

"Cheer up; no one loves a grump." Sigrun replied, following his eyes and bumping her hip lightly just above his knee to try and jar him from his melancholia.

"For a dead woman you're remarkably perky." Nathaniel grumbled, barely managing to conceal his smile.

"I could be less perky if that's what you like." Sigrun winked, looking down to where his eyes still lay on Elissa's back. "The darkness of the Deep Roads has seeped into my soul. The world is dead, my heart is black. Alas. Woe. Woe!"

"Let's stick to perky." Nathaniel laughed, patting her shoulder as he increased their pace to catch up to the group.

* * *

><p>Light filtered in through the last cracks in the chasm ceiling, and the group enjoyed their last looks at sunshine until they put whatever lay beneath them to rest and made it out to the surface once again. Elissa smirked at Nathaniel as Sigrun whizzed past them, chattering away to Anders in an attempt to get him to set nearby objects afire.<p>

"What's that look for?" Nathaniel asked, watching her trying not to laugh at him as he fell in pace beside her.

"I think she fancies you." Elissa said, following his eyes ahead to Sigrun who tossed a wink back at him.

"She's not my type." Nathaniel replied, tipping his chin up at the happy dwarf in reply.

"That's a shame. I think she'd be fun for you." Elissa chuckled, genuinely believing the perky little woman capable of chipping away at Nathaniel's hard exterior given enough time.

"If you like her so much, perhaps you should have a go." Nathaniel said, sending Elissa's eyes flicking over to his – wondering if he somehow knew about her… dalliances with women in her youth.

"She's not my type either." Elissa replied, clearing her throat and realizing this had probably not been the best thing she'd ever chosen as a topic of conversation between them.

"What _would_ be your type?" Nathaniel asked, his stormy gaze intense where it lingered on her face.

"Blonde." Was all she said, challenge in her eyes as she tensed up and stalked away from him.

"Touché." Nathaniel muttered, watching her back and knowing he'd brought that one on himself yet again.

* * *

><p>The chasm got increasingly more narrow as they descended out of the range of the sun and down into the cavernous tunnels below. At the apex of what appeared to be the entry point to Kal'Hirol's outer edge – Sigrun suddenly dashed ahead of the group and came to kneel beside a body flung broken against the wall.<p>

"It's Jukka. He's hurt… bad…" Sigrun grimaced, calling out to Elissa who dragged Anders along with her to check on the man.

"S-Sigrun…" Jukka muttered, grimacing as Anders prodded at his abdomen and what remained of his broken lower limbs.

"Yes, it's me." Sigrun assured him, patting his hand and trying not to see the subtle shake of Anders head as he met Elissa's eyes. "Be still and try not to talk…"

"It's alright… I feel my death upon me…" Jukka said, knowing what the others had already discerned. "It is a sweet release."

"No! We have bandages and a healer! We can help." Sigrun insisted, looking up at Elissa in silent plea.

"I'm sorry. His body is too badly damaged." Elissa explained, reaching over to take the shaken woman's hand and squeeze it softly. "Even if Anders managed to heal it, the taint would take him in time. There is nothing we can do."

"You must listen!" Jukka hissed, grasping against the pain in his side with one hand and reaching out to lay his other on Elissa's arm. "The Broodmothers… they are _breeding_. I saw the makings of an army. You _must_ stop them! But… beware the Children!" The man groaned, coughing up a great spout of blood as his body began to fail him. "They are abominations even among the darkspawn!"

"What children? Whose children?" Sigrun asked, frantically trying to rouse the man as he lost himself to the wracking pain.

"Forgive me." Elissa said, looking over to Anders and watching him gently pry Sigrun away so that she could do what had to be done. She sobbed against Anders shoulder as Elissa slit the dying man's throat, holding him against her own arm until his last breaths had fallen silent.

"Ancestors look kindly on you, brother." Sigrun said, wiping tears away from her face as she stood.

"We need to finish what the Legion started." Elissa said, slamming her dagger back into the sheath on her thigh and turning her haunted eyes to the rest of the group. "The Broodmothers must be destroyed."

"I'm sorry. I'm certain that this is covered somewhere in the great manual of Grey Wardening… but what's a Broodmother?" Anders asked, watching the dark look that passed between Sigrun and Elissa.

Oghren started to mutter in dwarvish and sat on a nearby rock to drink from his flask before tossing it over to Elissa, knowing she would need it as well.

"Broodmothers are what happens to women who are taken by the horde." Elissa explained, drinking heavily from Oghren's flask and pressing her eyes closed against the memories of the last one she'd faced. "It's why you don't see women's bodies in the wreckage after an attack… why there are so few female Wardens… they take the women, alive."

"They take them alive to do _what_ exactly?" Anders asked, watching her eyes pop back open and nearly staggering physically at the darkness he saw there.

"Force them to feed off their flesh. Rape them. Turn them into giant grotesque breeding machines for their armies." Elissa said, watching both Anders and Nathaniel turn away from her eyes. "The Chantry tells you a pretty little story about them simply _becoming_… and perhaps that's how it was in the beginning. But now, now they are made – by force." She continued, pacing and drinking – finally tossing the flask back to Oghren where he sat slumped against his rock next to Swiftrunner. "That is why I say to you now, these creatures are _not_ to take myself or Sigrun alive. If it looks as though they will, you aim to kill us. I promise you, I will gut myself rather than be taken if it comes down to it."

She shared a pointed look with each of them before pressing forward down the path ahead and into the rapidly narrowing passage that lay beyond.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel was almost grateful when the silence left in the wake of Elissa's revelation was broken by a swarm of darkspawn descending upon them. There was an Alpha among the group, and so Elissa focused their attention onto it first.<p>

Two Shrieks popped up beside Nathaniel half way through the fight, but he reacted quickly and covered his ears – avoiding their stun and giving Anders time to paralyze them so that the archer could back away and take them down.

It was a relief to Elissa to see that the group was beginning to come together, to learn from their experiences and to fight as a cohesive unit rather than as individuals. It would make what lay ahead for them much easier.

Elissa started to note the appearance of tall cocoon like structures with increasing frequency the further down into the earth they moved, along with the slithering movements of worm like creatures barely visible in the lengthening shadows.

"Tell me you saw that." Nathaniel said, pacing himself just behind Elissa and Swiftrunner who were looking off in the same direction as he had been.

"I saw it." Elissa replied, and Swiftrunner nodded – his golden eyes continuing to study the area around them for any further signs of movement. "They've been here for awhile, watching from the shadows."

They ran into another small pack of darkspawn around the next bend, another Alpha leading a group of five or six drones. The company put them down quickly, anxious to move to a less open area where they could better evaluate the things that watched them from beyond the edges of their perception.

As they crossed the bridge over the waterfall pouring in from a spring somewhere above, Elissa drew Swiftrunner and Nathaniel's attention to another worm darting across the dark plane of the hill above them.

"What are they?" Nathaniel asked, watching Elissa shake her head.

"I've never seen anything like that before." Elissa answered. "Though, that looks about as close to a wormlike creature as I'm bound to imagine. I'd guess that's what the rumors Kristoff came in search of were referring to."

The group was so distracted by the new discovery, that they didn't see the ambush set for them at the top of the hill until it was too late – leaving them fighting against a swarming tide of a dozen drones and one Alpha while slightly off balance and unprepared.

Elissa followed her usual routine of seeking out the Alpha and leaving the others to be taken care of by her companions. She didn't notice the archers set on the hill ahead until an arrow penetrated her shoulder from behind, causing her to cry out in pain and drop one of her swords clattering to the ground.

"Nathaniel!" Elissa cried out, drawing his eye to where she struggled against the pain in her useless arm and the still living Alpha in front of her. "Take out the archers!"

He did as she asked, firing off three perfect shots into the heads of each of the creatures and watching them crumple to the ground before focusing on Elissa's target. She was already struggling under the pressing exhaustion of their long descent into the chasm and constant battles, so the wounded arm gave the Alpha a substantial advantage in the fight.

Though his contributions did not fell the beast, he certainly helped to keep Elissa from taking any more damage at its hands, as all she could do was brace herself against the brutal swings of its battleaxe until Swiftrunner finally made his way over and finished it off.

Elissa collapsed against a nearby stone pillar after that, Anders rushing over to her side and inspecting the damage while the others gathered in around them.

"Thank you." Elissa said, holding Nathaniel's eyes for a moment in the knowledge that he had most likely saved her life.

"Of course." Nathaniel replied, looking down to see the tip of the arrow that had penetrated all the way through her body and now protruded from her chest. It had gone in at an angle, narrowly missing a lung when it popped through the other side.

"We're going to have to get the arrow out if you want me to treat the wound without having to cut off your armor to get at it." Anders explained, watching the look she shared with Oghren communicate that she wanted his flask.

"Give me a second." Elissa said, catching it in her uninjured arm and taking a long drink then pouring a bit over the tip of the area and bracing herself for the pain. "Do it."

Swiftrunner shared a look with Anders, pressing the shaft of the arrow forward far enough that he could get his hand around the point and break it off – then sliding the whole thing out of her back and tossing it to the ground so that he could work at the straps of her breast plate.

She screamed through the pain, taking in long gasping breaths once it was done and laying back against Anders as Swiftrunner worked her armor loose and tossed it to the ground as well – giving the mage free access to her shoulder.

"There's a lot of scarring here." Anders said, eyes flickering up to Elissa's when he saw the remnants of old puncture wounds marring the skin of her upper chest. "You've taken arrows to the chest before."

"Three." Elissa nodded, taking another long pull from Oghren's flask and wincing when Anders prodded the wound again and shared a look with Nathaniel. "Stop with the concerned parent routine and just heal the gaping hole in my shoulder already."

Anders glared at her, but did as he was told – pulling a warming swell of healing magic into his palm and working the wound closed again.

"There, all better." Anders said, watching Elissa flex her arm around – folding and unfolding her fingers to make sure everything was working alright before standing to retrieve her belongings and moving through the archway behind him.

"The Legion got this far with no trouble." Sigrun sighed, following Elissa's eyes up the long staircase to the entryway above. "We got careless and complacent, and stormed the main entrance up those stairs."

"Didn't work out so well I assume." Elissa said, sharing a sad laugh with the woman.

"It was a disaster. The darkspawn were just waiting there on the other side." Sigrun explained, shivering when she thought back on it. "They turned the thaig's old defenses against us."

"Traps?" Elissa asked, remembering the obstacles Caridin had set for them back beneath Orzammar and wondering what the dwarves of Kal'Hirol had come up with.

"And more. Ancient dwarven ingenuity used by the very monsters it was intended to kill." Sigrun said, laughing again at the irony of the situation. "Whelp… it is what it is and we should learn from their mistake. We need to avoid the main door and find another way around."

"Are there side entrances?" Elissa said, eying the solid looking walls around them critically as she knew they'd passed no other tunnels on their way to where they now stood.

"Most of the old dwarven fortresses had side entrances." Sigrun explained, following Elissa's eyes and searching for signs of her own. "I'm sure this one does too, we'd just need to find it."

"Well… we're not likely to find anything tonight." Elissa sighed, unable to tell the time by anything other than the massive swell of exhaustion welling up inside her. "Let's make camp!" She called out, setting them all into motion.

* * *

><p>An hour later everyone had settled in for the night, making as comfortable and easily defended a setup as they could manage in their current surroundings. Anders had cast a sleep spell on himself and passed out in his tent soon after and Swiftrunner paced the shadows at the edges of camp – scanning constantly for any sign of movement. Oghren and Sigrun sat near the fire trading insults.<p>

Elissa stood out on the edge, looking down into the haunting landscape of the ruins below – lost in some far away thought. Nathaniel watched her for a long time, debating whether or not he should approach her after what had happened in her room the night before. The longer he watched, the more he felt drawn to her regardless of what his logical mind was telling him to be the better option.

"How's the shoulder?" Nathaniel asked, watching her eyes flicker over to his.

She'd never put her chest plate back on and the odd blue light in the caverns made the bare skin revealed by her chemise take on an ethereal glow giving her a distinctly otherworldly appeal.

"Sore but I'll survive." Elissa replied, pulling her eyes away as quickly as she'd given them to her and suddenly wishing she'd thought to replace her armor when she felt his eyes on her skin.

"Did you really take three arrows in the chest?" he said, the words popping out before he could stop them – knowing how stupid they sounded.

She turned, pulling the chemise aside so that he could see the scars and immediately regretting the motion when she saw him swallow against his desire.

"When did this happen?" Nathaniel asked, moving closer to her and reaching out his fingers to brush them lightly against the scarring on her skin.

"Tower of Ishal, back in Ostagar." Elissa replied, trying not to feel the electricity flowing from the light graze of his fingers against her chest and shoulder.

"That seems an odd spot to fight a battle…" he continued, watching the rapid increase in the rise and fall of her chest as her body reacted to his touch.

"We weren't a part of the battle." she answered, watching his eyes latch onto hers again – realizing the path he had unknowingly stumbled on to. "Alistair and I were sent to the tower to light the signal fire that was supposed to call in Loghain's reinforcements… but instead, he turned away with your father's men and left us all to die."

He pulled his hand away then, watching her retract back into herself and feeling the heavy weight of their past bearing down on them once again. He started to say something more, to apologize or encourage or make some effort to bridge the gap that was opening wider and wider every day – but suddenly the camp was flooded by the wormlike creatures that had been tracking them throughout the day.

Elissa and Nathaniel were left scrambling for their weapons as they were swarmed by the hideous monstrosities bearing down upon them. They barely managed to arm themselves in time to fight off the six or seven grouped around them and make it over to the others in the center of the camp.

"What are these things?" Sigrun said, panting as Swiftrunner dashed in from the shadows and finished off the last two.

"If I had to guess, I'd say these are the Children that Jukka was referring to." Elissa replied, sighing and then turning to look at the group. "We'll need to set up watch for the rest of the night. I'll take first with Swiftrunner. The rest of you turn in and sleep while you can. I'll wake you when it's time."

Everyone moved off, leaving Elissa to fall into a crouch – face covered in her hands. Nathaniel was a distraction. A distraction she could not afford, and one that could have easily cost someone their life.

"Elissa…" Nathaniel said, knowing what she was thinking even before she stood up to glare at him.

"Just leave me alone." Elissa whined, brushing past him and disappearing into the shadows in search of the wolf.


	8. Chapter 8: Severed

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Some mild bits of **NSFW** material scattered toward the end but nothing blatant or vulgar! Just wanted to put the warning out there just in case!_

_Muse Music: Be Kind To My Mistakes by Kate Bush_

_Thanks to all the readers, followers and reviewers! I'm working really hard to keep the pace I've set for myself and make the chapters meet the high standards I seem to somehow have set for myself. _

_Another big thank you to my Lady Beta, **artemiskat** who's had to work extra hard lately to get me through my anxiety!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Eight: Severed<strong>_

Elissa didn't sleep at all. She never woke the others, choosing to stay up and keep watch straight through the night with Swiftrunner instead. As a result, she was nearly unapproachable by the time the others had woken and begun to pack up camp.

"You were attacked by what?" Anders gasped, forcing Sigrun to go through the story again as she dragged him along to point out some of the nearby corpses and prove her point.

"They've got _faces_! Did you see they had faces?" Anders asked, drifting over to Elissa and hoping to pry her forcefully out of the mood she seemed resolved to languish in throughout the day.

"I saw their faces last night while _you_ were sleeping, Anders." Elissa snipped, rolling her eyes at him. "I don't need you to point them out again, thanks."

"Well, what's got your lacy underthings in a twist this morning?" Anders quipped, smirking at her and watching the look that passed between her and the equally pissy archer on the other side of the camp.

"Nothing… I just… it's nothing…" Elissa said, continuing to shove things into her pack.

Anders leaned against the nearby wall, wondering what it was going to take to get them to just let things go and leave the past silent, and where it should be - _in the past_. The powder keg between them was dangerously close to exploding, and when it did - everyone around them would be taken out by the sonic boom that followed. He didn't know about the others, but he sure as hell didn't want to be caught in the fall out he was certain lay just around the next corner.

As soon as Anders' back hit the stone face behind him, something clicked and Elissa's eyes went wide as a loud grinding sound became more and more audible in the air around them.

"Anders! What did you touch?" Elissa hissed, tugging him forward and watching as everyone drew weapons and waited for whatever trap he'd inadvertently set into motion.

"Nothing! I just leaned on the wall!" Anders insisted, watching as she dashed over with Nathaniel to inspect the giant stone mask for a way to shut it off. "Oh sure! You're perfectly willing to work together to clean up after the mage! Glad that I can help to bridge the divide!"

"Shut up, Anders!" they hissed together, glaring at him until he walked away.

"Can you find a mechanism to shut it off?" Nathaniel asked, continuing to pry at the edge. "I can't get my fingers far enough underneath to check."

"I'm inside… I can feel something, there… almost got it…" Elissa muttered, chewing at her lip as she stretched her fingers out to reach for what she thought to be the trigger. She hissed and snatched them back a moment later when something pinched her as the mechanism settled into place regardless of her efforts.

Nathaniel tugged her fingers into his hand to inspect them, ignoring her attempts to flinch away.

"I'm fine…" Elissa insisted, repeatedly trying to snatch her hand back.

"Just let me look." Nathaniel hissed, inspecting the tips to make sure there was no damage, and finally releasing her when the wall in front of them started to drag itself open.

"Well, that's new…" Elissa said, tugging her hand free and ducking under the continually rising wall – forcing Nathaniel to dart in behind her.

"This is a little too convenient, Elissa." Nathaniel said, eying the walls warily as the others started to filter in behind them.

"I don't see what's _convenient_ about it." Elissa snipped, eyes narrowed on him. "We'd never have found it if Anders hadn't pressed the trigger with his bum."

"That's me. Mage of the Magical Bum." Anders smiled, winking at her as he moved inside the passage.

"We don't know this isn't a trap." Nathaniel insisted, glaring at the mage as Elissa leaned forward to inspect the dark hole at the end of the newly opened chamber. "I'm simply saying we should proceed with caution."

"So what you're saying is I _shouldn't_ jump blindly down this access shaft when I have no idea what's lurking at the bottom?" Elissa smirked, taking the rope Swiftrunner offered her and wrapping it securely in place before stepping up onto the edge.

"Elissa… don't be foolish." Nathaniel warned, starting to step forward to stop her.

"See you at the bottom!" Elissa smiled, tossing him a wink and disappearing over the edge with a scream.

* * *

><p>The drop wasn't all that far, something Nathaniel realized himself when he finally took his turn dropping to the bottom. Elissa met his eyes through the remainder of the company, smirking before turning them to the door at the end of the dusty hall.<p>

"Come here." Elissa called, waving her fellow Wardens over as she felt the waves of taint humming through the door. If they were able to feel the call already, they'd know it now.

"Oh, Maker!" Anders gagged, staggering over to the corner and vomiting on the floor when the waves hit him.

"Okay – so that's a yes for Anders. Oghren?" Elissa asked, watching the dwarf shrug and wander away, disinterested when he had no reaction. "And a no for, Oghren. What about you? Can you feel them?"

She turned her eyes to Nathaniel and watched him struggle for a minute, feeling it hit against his chest in the exact way Elissa had described. He gagged, but forced it down – refusing to be dominated by it like Anders.

"It's… ugh, you were right about the nausea." Nathaniel said, fighting another wave down and glaring at her when she barely stifled a chuckle.

"It goes away!" Elissa huffed, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall beside the door. "Is there anything else or do you need to go join Anders in the corner?"

"Not helping!" Anders called, retching again a moment later.

"Ugh… no…" Nathaniel cringed, turning back to her – taking in a deep breath and trying to focus. "Um… I can tell there's something there but it's… scattered… I can't… I can't make anything specific out."

"Okay, I want you to try something." Elissa said, motioning him over and positioning him so that he stood with his hands out against the door, then leaning back against the wall beside him. "Now close your eyes."

"Is this your patented wall groping technique?" Nathaniel asked, raising an eyebrow at her and accepting the glare she gave him in return.

"You laugh, but it works!" Elissa said, shaking her finger at him and waiting for him to do as she asked.

"I got nothing." Nathaniel replied, feeling silly standing there holding onto a wall with his eyes closed while everyone watched.

"You aren't even trying." Elissa huffed, ducking under his arms to stand in front of him and pressing her hand over his eyes. "Reach out through the chaos and try to focus on what's inside that room. You should be able to feel it here…" She reached out and pressed the palm of her hand against his sternum.

"It's hard…" Nathaniel answered, feeling his voice shake as his heart rate picked up. The warmth of her palm filtered out through the leather of his breast plate like it wasn't even there and the lilac oil she wore was so heavy he could barely breathe with her so close.

"Just focus, I _know_ you can do this. Think of it like… like archery. Imagine that you're looking for a shot, the _perfect_ shot. Only you have to take it through a line of trees. You can make it, you just have to _see_ the target." Elissa explained, and he couldn't help but smile at how well she still knew him to pick out such a perfect analogy.

"Okay." Nathaniel took in a deep breath, searching through the shadows in his mind and reaching out to pick the specific targets inside the room out. "I think there are five, maybe six of them inside. One of them is… different."

"One is an Alpha. He's stronger; he'll be the one in charge. Can you read anything else?" Elissa asked, and he could hear the pride in her words as she spoke to him.

"There's something… it's hard to explain. No… it can't be…" Nathaniel said, pulling her hand down and catching the smile when he met her eyes. "Peppermint?"

"He's a caster! Don't ask me to explain it… I _can't_ but I always taste peppermint!" Elissa laughed then, feeling the rumble of it answer within Nathaniel's chest where her hand still lay.

He reached up to cover her hand with his own, realizing the position they were in now was dangerously close to the one he'd had her in back in Amaranthine when he'd demanded she kiss him. It was a fight to release her and watch her gather the others rather than taking what he'd asked for days before in front of them all.

"Okay people! You know the drill!" Elissa said, pulling out her swords and shaking off the desire pulsing through her veins – willing it to be replaced by the adrenaline of the fight ahead. "Caster inside and a collection of drones. Let's go check Nathaniel's math!"

* * *

><p>Nathaniel had been exactly right in number and description, and he tossed a wink at Elissa when he saw her verify it and watched her roll her eyes in response. Once they'd taken down the group above, they were forced to focus on the group below – Elissa stopping them on the stairs when she saw the pressure plate traps lining the floor ahead of them.<p>

"Can you see them?" Elissa asked Nathaniel, dodging a sword swipe and stepping lightly out onto the floor.

"Yes, they're everywhere." Nathaniel answered, sending three arrows out into the room in rapid succession.

"Can you cover me while I work?" Elissa asked, kneeling down to take out the one directly at their feet.

"I've got you." Nathaniel nodded, keeping anything at a distance with his arrows and moving with her as she worked rapidly at their feet.

Once the group had taken out the remaining darkspawn, Nathaniel shouldered his bow and dropped to the floor to help her disarm the traps that remained.

"You're better at that than Zevran." Elissa chuckled, listening to her current target click as she disabled the mechanism with her nimble fingers.

"At what? Disarming traps?" Nathaniel asked, answering with a click of his own and moving to the next.

"No, at crouching." Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes as she finished her next one. "Of course at disarming traps you ninny!"

"My time abroad wasn't spent chasing skirts and drinking wine." Nathaniel replied, listening to his mechanism click dormant and moving to the last trap in the room just ahead of her. "I am not without my own skills, you've simply never asked about them."

"Well, consider this me _asking_." Elissa replied, walking over to where he crouched and listening to him finish off the last trap coming to stand in front of her.

"I know traps, poisons and tracking. You already know I'm more than a fair hunter and archer." Nathaniel replied, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to read her face. "I'm passable with daggers and swords, but nowhere near as good as you are. I can also cook fairly well, mend armor and give you stitches if so desire."

"Impressive." Elissa smirked, nodding her head and trailing past him up the stairs to find the rest of their group.

* * *

><p>The further down they descended into the caverns, the more corruption seeped into the walls and the floors coating everything around them.<p>

"Ugh. This reminds me of the time a Bronto fell off Orzammar's highest tier…" Sigrun muttered, trying to scrape a pile of the stuff off her boot. "Bronto guts everywhere."

Anders dashed over to the side, vomiting against the wall again.

"Let's leave the comparisons to the imagination for awhile…" Elissa encouraged, walking over to rub his back and try to soothe him a little. It seemed like the further down they went, the sicker and more unfocused he became.

"I've thought about what you said, Anders. About the comparison between my family and mages." Nathaniel started, watching Elissa turn her eyes to his as she shuffled the mage off down the next set of stairs. "It's idiotic. I am not about to transform into an abomination simply for being a Howe."

"I didn't say it was a perfect analogy..." Anders responded, burping when another wave of nausea hit his stomach.

"Being a Howe does not allow me to control your mind." Nathaniel retorted, giving Elissa a half smirk that let her know he was simply trying to distract the man from his discomfort long enough to get them through the rest of their trip.

"Kind of missing my point, aren't you?" Anders asked, turning around and noting that Elissa squeezed the archer's arm affectionately before she moved ahead.

"I am not a fan of over-simplifications." Nathaniel answered, giving Anders his best and he hoped most convincing frown.

"Fine, fine. Your loss." Anders replied, his nausea quickly becoming overtaken by his annoyance.

* * *

><p>As they made their way down the steps, ghostly images popped to life around them – sending everyone reaching for their weapons until they realized them to be harmless.<p>

"I… I've never seen anything like this before." Sigrun said, waving her hand through one of the bodies and watching the image waver in front of her – the long dead dwarf fighting with several advancing darkspawn. "They say the memories of the Stone are forever. Is this what they mean?"

"It might be." Elissa responded, watching the long ended battle waging around them as they moved into the open hall ahead. There, a group of ghostly dwarves filtered into view, one standing on a platform to address the rest on the floor below.

Elissa stood with Sigrun just behind them, sensing the rest of their party wrap in behind to watch the memory play out in front of them.

_For generations they have told you that you were nothing! Swept you away like so much dust!_ The dwarf said, raising his hands out to the crowd before him. _Now, you are the only thing standing between them and the darkspawn that threaten our empire!_

"What is this? Some sort of rally?" Anders asked, edging up beside her.

_Show them that you are not nothing! Show them that you can be warriors!_ The dwarf cried out, pacing from one end of the platform to the other. _Let the Stone tremble with the thunder of your footsteps! Fight!_

It ended after that, fading away into silence before resetting and starting again.

"Can you tell where we are, Sigrun?" Elissa asked, meeting the woman's eyes long enough to see the subtle shake of her head then turning to Oghren. "You?"

"If I had to guess, I'd say it's Dust Town." Oghren replied, inspecting the decrepit condition of the small houses that lined the walls.

"Then I'd imagine what we are witnessing is the final stand of Kal'Hirol." Elissa said, watching the impact hit the group. "And, it appears, the defense was mounted by the casteless."

She squeezed Sigrun's shoulder and walked away, allowing them all a moment to absorb the history they were being given a glimpse of. Another memory started to play as Elissa stepped through a nearby doorway and into what had once been someone's home.

_They're gone! Everyone's gone! They've abandoned the thaig!_ a dwarven man yelled, rushing into the room from beyond Elissa's shoulder, the ghost of his presence sending a chill through her body when it passed through her arm. _We have to follow them! I'm not going to sit here and be eaten by those monsters! _

_But this is our home! We can't survive out there!_ a dwarven woman insisted, popping into view when the man came to a stop inside the room ahead of her. Elissa got the feeling that she should walk away, that this was an intimate moment she should not be witnessing… but she just couldn't find the strength to do it.

_We won't survive in here!_ the man insisted, reaching out to hold the woman's face – establishing to Elissa that they were man and wife.

"It's like the memory has etched itself into the stone, and keeps playing itself back – like an echo." Nathaniel said, watching her wipe at the tears in her eyes when she realized he'd been there the entire time.

"They died here, together…" Elissa said, watching his eyes follow hers down to the floor where the skeletal remains of the couple lay curled together – merged into one form by the ravages of time. "This was their home."

"They died fighting, Elissa. They died together." Nathaniel said, moving closer to her to try and offer what comfort he could. "There are worse things than drawing your last breath in the arms of the person you love."

"Is this what Fergus sees when he goes to the larder?" Elissa asked, voice breaking when she looked up to him – the tears falling again. "Does he see Mother and Father there, huddled together in the floor, begging for their lives and saying their last goodbyes?"

"Oh, Elissa… I'm sorry… I'm so, _so_ sorry." Nathaniel said, reaching out for her then and folding her in his arms – letting her sob against his armor – fingers twisting for purchase against the his back as she let go.

He didn't know what else to do but hold on, shaking with her as her body was wracked by sob after sob wrenched free with the force of her emotion.

"How can it be possible for anything to hurt this bad?" she cried out, not sure whether to tug him closer or push him away. "I can barely stand being near you. It's like pouring salt into a wound and knowing that it will never heal."

"It's healing, Elissa. It will only be a memory in time." he assured her, pressing his lips against her hair and stroking his fingers down her arms.

"How can you say that?" Elissa snorted, pulling away then – wiping angrily at her face and forcing everything back down where it'd come from. "Every time I look at you I just want to run the other way."

"I don't think that's the problem." Nathaniel insisted, knowing he was treading on dangerous ground again but unable to stop himself from proceeding. "I think the problem is every time you look at me you know you're _exactly_ where you want to be, and that terrifies you because it doesn't synch with this perfect little world you've built for yourself."

"I _hate_ that you can stand there and be so smug. So certain that you know _exactly_ what I'm thinking, _exactly_ how I feel." she hissed, glaring at him as she made her way back to the door. "Well you're wrong this time, Nathaniel Howe. I won't be the sad little girl that trails along after you waiting for you to walk away and break my heart again. Not this time."

She disappeared out the door after that, leaving Nathaniel alone to watch the looping spectral visions of the dead.

* * *

><p>They pressed on quickly, Elissa motivated by her animosity toward Nathaniel. He shrugged it off, along with the hateful glares he received from pretty much everyone but Sigrun who attempted to flirt him out of his newest depression.<p>

It didn't work, and Nathaniel found himself barely able to focus on anything other than the smell of her lilac oil drifting back through the sea of their companions. He could smell it even over the disgusting odor of the increasingly thick layers of corruption coating the walls and the floor.

They fought through a small group of darkspawn that included one of the new breed of _talkers_, as Anders had taken to calling them. It referred to itself as a Disciple and gave the others instructions to retrieve the Warden and the other female unharmed. That seemed to throw Elissa even further down the spiral, leaving her unsettled and angry and charging ahead into the next room before the others could catch her.

Once inside, six corrupted spiders dropped down around her, flopping to the disgusting floor and moving in on their prey. Before she could unsheathe her weapons, one of them had pinned her to the ground – and she found herself frantically holding back its gaping maw and venomous fangs from finding purchase in her face, neck or shoulders.

Nathaniel filled as many of the other spiders with arrows as he could, completely panicked with the idea that he would be unable to reach Elissa in time. The writhing thing that pinned her to the ground was far too similar to the nightmares he used to have over the years they were apart. The ones where he'd watch some dark creature rip out her throat while he could do nothing but look on in horror.

Eventually he left the other spiders for the rest of the group, focusing his attention on the one that had Elissa pinned to the floor. He launched two or three arrows into its abdomen, but that did nothing except send the green-black fluids of its insides running out onto her body. He could get a clear shot at nothing else from where he was so he eventually gave up the bow completely and darted over to where she lay, sliding to the ground beside her with a dagger in hand.

"What are you doing?" Elissa muttered, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye as she slung her head to the side and dodged the latest fang swipe.

"I can't get a clear shot with an arrow and I wasn't going to leave you to die. I didn't have a choice. I'm going to try to pry it off you on three – I need you to shift and grab your swords once I have the weight of it." Nathaniel said, rolling aside for a moment when one of its legs took a swipe at him. "One, two, three…"

He slid in after that, sliding his dagger under its fangs and digging his fingers into the soft flesh of its thorax as he pried it back just far enough for Elissa to scoot from underneath.

In the brief seconds it took for her to free her swords, Nathaniel lost his grip on the creature thanks to the steady oozing where his own arrows had penetrated the beast from across the room. It only took the blink of an eye for it to turn on him and sink its fangs hard into his shoulder, wrenching a scream from deep within him as he felt the venom pump into his veins.

He had a vague memory of Elissa slicing the thing apart after that, then tossing it aside with Swiftrunner's help and working quickly to remove the upper portion of his chest plate so she could get at the wound in his shoulder and upper arm.

"Nathaniel, stay with me." Elissa insisted, reaching up and gripping his face in her hand – forcing his eyes to focus on her own.

"I can make an anti-venom." Swiftrunner insisted, cutting loose one of the spider's fangs and dripping out the viscous poison into an empty vial.

"Start it now, but hurry. It's a paralytic. If we don't clear the wound it will kill him before you're done." Elissa explained, sliding her dagger loose from the sheath on her thigh and slicing his shirt away so she could get a clear look at the wound – she pressed on the fang marks, watching the blood and venom bubble up from inside. "Nathaniel, look at me." She said, leaning into his face again and holding his eyes. "This is going to hurt, I'm not going to lie – but I've _got_ to do it. I need you to brace yourself. Can you do that for me?"

He nodded, watching Elissa motion for Oghren's flask – pouring the alcohol over the blade and his shoulder before taking a drink of her own.

"Hold him down." Elissa said, setting Sigrun on one arm, Oghren on the other, and Anders at his feet.

She took a deep breath, offering a silent prayer to the Maker and watching him nod before cutting into his shoulder with her blade to reveal the wound track fully. He screamed out, the sound tearing at her as he flailed against the bodies holding him down. She forced herself to finish the cut, slinging her blade to the side when she was done and leaning down to press her mouth against the bloody open wound so that she could suck out as much of the venom as possible.

She spat one mouthful after another of the bitter bloody mess onto the floor, feeling the frantic pace of his breathing where his chest would press against her own every time she leaned in for another pull. Finally satisfied it was clean, she poured more of Oghren's flask into the gash – watching the blood run clean and red from within the wound.

"Dastan?" Elissa called, holding her hand open for the vial he tossed in her direction – inspecting it with a cautious eye before leaning down to tip the contents into Nathaniel's mouth. He shook his head violently, trying to spit it back out but she held his mouth closed firmly. "Swallow it. I know it burns but you have to swallow it. Now is not the time to be stubborn with me, Nathaniel!"

He choked it down finally, gagging and coughing as the liquid burned his throat and curling to the side when the group finally released him. Anders moved forward, healing the cut in his shoulder to the point where had it not been for his torn shirt and the remnants of blood still darkening the edges of Elissa's lips – they could almost have forgotten it existed.

She shared a nod with the mage then, knowing that Nathaniel would be okay. Only then could she allow herself to breathe, pulling up to her feet and walking to the nearby doorway to wait for the others to collect themselves.

"Thank you." Nathaniel said, coming to a stop behind her after the others had already passed to the floor below.

"You saved my life, I saved yours. Let's call it an even exchange." Elissa replied, smiling sadly at him as she made her way to the others.

"If this city is laid out the same as the other thaigs, the trade quarter should be just beyond those doors." Sigrun said, trying to cut through some of the tension by refocusing them on the intended task.

"Everything I can sense is in that direction." Elissa replied, reaching out to press around through the darkness just to be sure. "I can't find anything else, so whatever else we've got to deal with – it's going to be down there."

* * *

><p>By the time they reached the bottom of the long stairs that lead to the trade quarter floor, there was nothing but corruption as far as the eye could see. The floors and walls were thick with it – and Elissa could see Anders beginning to struggle against the nausea again – casting some sort of spell to ward it off every now and then.<p>

All the groups of darkspawn they encountered seemed to be fighting against each other, completely not concerned with them – which left them free to kill them easily, pressing on through the halls with little resistance.

They made their way by a disused forge and an old prison, finally trailing over a bridge next to what appeared to be a giant lyrium bomb dangling above a deep pit into the earth.

"That much lyrium could destroy a whole army." Nathaniel noted, inspecting the thing cautiously as they passed.

"That much lyrium could drive me mad." Anders insisted, ushering them quickly over the bridge. "Can we move this along here? My teeth are starting to vibrate."

As they rounded the corner into the next room, Elissa ground to a halt – holding her arm out to stop anyone from passing her and motioning them into silence. Inside, a larger version of the grub like creatures that had attacked them in camp devoured the fallen body of a Hurlock.

Anders vomited again against one of the side walls at the sight of its disturbingly human face gnawing at the flesh of the creature's neck, its spindly little legs flailing about and making clicking noises where they struck the floor.

"The ones that attacked at camp must have been babies." Elissa noted, whispering and trying not to get the attention of the one in the room until they were ready to deal with it.

"I hope that's as big as they get." Nathaniel added, grimacing at the thought of an even larger worm.

They rushed in after that, swarmed by several others when they lay into the first. They were horrific, but not difficult to kill in small numbers. What concerned Elissa was the disturbing increase in the number of unhatched cocoons around them.

"I think we're in a nursery." Elissa said, looking with disgust at the pods as they twitched – revealing signs of the life inside them.

"We need to get out of here. Now!" Nathaniel insisted, pushing Elissa along and ignoring the annoyed look on her face until he could get her around the corner and into the next room. "They're hatching."

Elissa looked around, eyes gone wide in terror as she realized he was right. On the walls and floor, on the ceiling, everywhere she looked pods were opening and the Children were struggling to pull themselves from within.

"Oh, Maker." Anders said, collapsing in behind Elissa and Nathaniel as they shuffled the others off behind them – sidling slowly down the stairs to the lower end door in the hopes they could get beyond it before they were detected.

They very nearly made it, caught only by the sound of Anders retching again just outside the doors.

"Go! Go! Go!" Elissa said, shoving one after another of them inside while Nathaniel rattled off arrow after arrow into the screeching sea of worm bodies advancing in their direction. "Fireball, Anders! Now!" She yelled, dipping to the side as he tossed one into the milling crowd then slamming the door behind them, leaning against it with the mage and listening to the screaming wails of the Children as they burned and flailed against the other side.

* * *

><p>After Anders had recovered from their encounter, Elissa moved them off along a long bridge surrounded by lyrium veins and streams of running water. The whole area seemed to glow blue, leaving them all with a distinctly unsettled sensation.<p>

"Is anyone else afraid of what we might find at the end of this corridor?" Anders asked, looking behind them again as though the burning sea of Children might come at them in any moment.

"Of course. Still gonna go look though." Sigrun replied, shrugging her shoulders as she bounded ahead.

"I'd hate her if she wasn't so damn cute." Anders grumbled, listening to Elissa laugh low beside him.

Sigrun stopped just outside the entrance to the large chamber at the end of the hall. Elissa could hear the talking inside as she approached, easing over to the wall behind the dwarf and leaning forward to catch a glimpse of what was inside it.

The large round room was lined with spouts that allowed water to pour in from somewhere high above, rushing into grates that emptied even further beneath them. In the center stood the largest golem Elissa had ever seen, glowing red like embers and clutching one of the talkers in its great metal hand.

On the floor across from it stood another talker, twiddling a control rod in its hand and menacing the first as it dangled from the grasp of the giant dwarven contraption.

"The Architect sends many, but he does not come himself. He is a coward!" the talker on the floor said, his arrogant strides turning his body so that Elissa could make out the staff on his back. "I will kill you, and then he will know he has failed to destroy The Lost. He will know that The Mother will tear him apart!"

The whole of her party grimaced as the golem ripped the dangling talker in half, slinging each portion of its dismembered body against opposite walls of the room. Elissa leaned back in once it was over, trying to read further beyond the room – to discern whether any others lurked in the hallway beyond before they engaged what stood in the room before them. She realized too late that her movement and pull the altered taint in her blood had drawn the attention of the remaining talker.

"Who goes there?" the creature hissed, striding forward to glare down the hall where Elissa pressed herself back against the wall – pissed that she'd made such an elementary error. "You should be coming out now. I am sensing you, but you are no darkspawn. What trickery is he planning now?"

"Bollocks." Elissa hissed, pushing out and drawing her blades as she walked into the hall with her companions behind her.

"You will be dying now odd ones, as all who serve the Architect will die!" the talker insisted, waving the rod up and activating the golem once again "The Mother demands it."

"Go for the golem!" Elissa instructed, taking Swiftrunner along with her to take on the talker – hoping between the two of them they could keep it stunned and unable to cast.

Elissa had gone through golem disposal with the group earlier in the ruins, and so she was not surprised when they shifted easily into an attack plan of electric shocks, elemental grenades, and well placed blows meant to disable joints and the mechanical inner workings of the beast.

Once the pair of rogues had finished off the talker, they waded into the battle with the golem, anxious to get it down before it landed a blow on anyone other than the stunned Sigrun who sat with Anders recovering against a nearby wall.

"Oghren, down!" Elissa yelled, getting a running go and planting a foot on the plate of his back to launch herself up onto the golem's shoulders where she shoved a sword into the gap between plates and pried loose the head with a great grunting pull.

It shot off to the floor and rolled away with a clank, sending the body lumbering forward with greater momentum than she had expected. She couldn't get her sword loose and get her balance in time, instead sailing forward through the water fall and coming out doused on the other side – but not smacking a stone wall as she'd expected.

When she opened her eyes, wiping the streaming water off and trying to ignore the rest that was pouring down the back of her armor – she found herself looking up at an equally drenched Nathaniel.

"Sorry, I-I…" Elissa stuttered, trying to find her footing and pull herself away from him but slipping against the grates in the pool beneath her feet which only pushed her further into his arms.

"Lost your balance? Yes… I saw." Nathaniel replied, holding her steady and waiting for her to settle enough to simply stand instead of floundering around. The insistent bump of her hips against him was doing things he'd rather not have to address at the moment.

When it became obvious she wasn't going to do it alone, he wrapped his arms around her and spun them both to the side, sitting her down on solid ground and placing her directly at eye level with him as she was now out of the grate. He let her go then, waiting for her to move away but she lingered – hidden away with him behind the spray of the water – watching the droplets fall off his dark hair and run down over his lips.

He saw her fingers twitch reflexively, reaching out to trace along the edge of his mouth. He was certain she was going to kiss him, he could see it there in her eyes as she leaned in – brushing her nose against his and pulling at his bottom lip with the tips of her fingers.

"Okay kids, time to get out of the pool. The Broodmothers are waiting!" Anders called, out – anxious to get them on their way and out of this nightmare.

Nathaniel watched Elissa snap back to herself, suddenly realizing what she'd almost done and dashing off to retrieve her sword. He took a deep breath, shoving his testosterone levels back to a manageable place and joining them a few moments later.

* * *

><p>The curved hallway to the final chamber was a treacherous ordeal, tentacles springing out of the floor randomly – knocking them off their feet and occasionally tossing someone against the floor or a wall before they could be cut down.<p>

"Definitely Broodmothers." Elissa said, kicking at one of them after Oghren had severed it and making a disgusted face when it twitched once more.

When they reached the central chamber, they could still see no signs of the actual Broodmothers themselves, though their tentacles were popping up everywhere.

"Here!" Sigrun called, peering over the edge of a pit at the center of the room and drawing everyone to her side.

Far down at the base sat four of the disgusting beasts, squelching about in the muck below and churning out a legion of darkspawn.

"Nothing you have said could _ever_ have prepared me for that!" Anders said, gagging again but mastering the urge to throw up as he had nothing left to expel from his body.

"How're we supposed to get to them down there?" Oghren muttered, cursing and swatting another batch of tentacles down with his axe.

"It's too far to repel." Swiftrunner insisted, sharing a look with Elissa as he knew the thought would occur to her. "The tentacles would knock us loose long before we made it to the bottom."

"Look up." Nathaniel said, watching everyone turn their attention skyward. "Is that the lyrium bomb?"

"Brilliant!" Elissa responded, her smile shining out at him as she looked back down to meet his eyes. "Could destroy a whole army indeed!" She wrinkled her nose at him appreciatively, patting his arm and moving out to try and figure how to get it down. "Do you have a chain over there?" she called a few moments later, gesturing to the one in front of her and watching Nathaniel find another that matched it nearby where he stood.

"Yes, there's one here." Nathaniel answered, answering her grin with one of his own when he followed the path of her devious mind.

"Okay, gather up!" Elissa called out, bringing everyone to her. "Nathaniel, shoulder your bow for now. You're the strongest physically aside from Oghren, and your arrows are pretty useless against the tentacles. You're going to take my sword and go over to the other chain. Dastan and I will keep them off you while you hack through it – and Anders and Sigrun will do the same for Oghren while he takes this one down."

She pressed the hilt of her father's blade into his hand, not even noticing that was the one she had chosen though Nathaniel certainly did. This was the same hilt she'd held when she took his father's life – and now she was handing it over to him and trusting that he would follow her orders rather than his.

He had no urge to follow through on his father's wishes as he trailed behind her over to the other chain – hacking at the tentacles that sprung up along the way. He knew he'd probably think about it again when she peaked his temper, but in that moment he was completely at peace with the idea that he was well on the way to simply forgetting that the man had ever been a part of his world.

When the chains broke, Elissa called out the retreat – sending everyone sprinting for the door that would lead them to the surface as they felt the wave of the explosion shaking the ground beneath and working its way up out of the pit to where they stood outside the door. It shook the whole area for a moment – knocking them all off kilter against the sloping hill of the chasm base where they'd emerged on the other side.

"Are they dead? Tell me they're dead. I _never_ want to go back in there." Anders panted, leaning against the wall and sucking in deep breaths of the open sunlit air.

"I can't sense anything anymore. Not even a hum. I think it's safe to assume we've emptied the hive." Elissa answered, patting his shoulder and setting them in motion to climb back out of the pit.

"We did it!" Sigrun cheered, skipping ahead for a moment then turning back to her new companions with a reverent smile. "If the rest of the Legion were alive, I know they would honor you all in some way."

"Bah! I'll just tell Kardol he owes me another tattoo when next I visit Orzammar." Elissa chuckled, sharing a smile with the peppy little woman. "Where will you go now, Sigrun?"

"Oh, I'll probably disappear into the bowels of the Deep Roads never to be seen again." Sigrun quipped, sighing and kicking a rock against the far wall. "The one good thing about the Deep Roads is you never run out of darkspawn."

"Perhaps you should consider coming with us…" Elissa said, watching the realization dawn in the woman's eyes with her offer.

"Go with you?" Sigrun asked, tilting her head as she pondered it. "But that would go against my vow… and my plan to disappear into the deep un-mourned and forgotten."

"Probably not. Grey Wardens eventually go there too, where we disappear un-mourned and forgotten." Elissa replied, shrugging at her.

"Be a Grey Warden? Is that allowed? Can you be both a part of the Legion and a Grey Warden?" Sigrun asked, searching Elissa's eyes as though she had an answer.

"You'll still fight darkspawn, and die doing so. I don't see much of a difference." Elissa replied, chuckling. "Though, Kardol and I have argued about it a great many times."

"I'll do it. I'll go with you." Sigrun said suddenly, reaching over and taking her hand – shaking at it emphatically. "I'm better off with you at my back than alone, that's for sure."

"Excellent. I will send a missive to Kardol when we return to Vigil's Keep." Elissa replied, adding the _if you survive the Joining_ portion in her head as she could not bear to say it aloud.

* * *

><p>The ride back was a joy, everyone laughing and joking – relieved to be alive and above ground once again. Elissa couldn't stop smiling as they stabled the horses, listening to Sigrun complain about having to get down from her long and <em>very<em> enjoyable ride against Nathaniel's back.

"I'll get you for that." Nathaniel assured her, walking out of the stables at her side and listening to her laughter trail off as she caught Alistair's eyes where he stood chatting with Wade once again just outside the armory.

"Shit!" Elissa hissed, seeing him wave and knowing there was no avoiding him this time. "Shit, shit, shit!"

"Oh, this isn't going to be good…" Anders muttered, shifting uncomfortably as The King came down to join them – wrapping an arm around Elissa and tugging her against his side.

"Well you look distinctly worse for the wear." Alistair noted, taking in her disheveled appearance and dirt streaked face but not noticing the look of distress in her eyes. "I didn't realize Amaranthine had fallen on such hard times."

"It hasn't. We only stopped there over night to gather information. We've just returned from a sink hole in the Knotwood Hills." Elissa explained, trying to turn Alistair without him noticing and shift him toward The Keep with the vain hope that somehow he just wouldn't notice the new faces.

"Oh! Is that the hole the hunters were talking about?" Alistair asked, recognizing he was being corralled and struggling lightly against it as he tried to puzzle out why she was doing it.

"The very same. It was full of Broodmothers. We blew them up." Elissa replied, still trying to shuffle him along.

"Blew them up? Elissa… Elissa! Stop shoving me. If you want to get inside so badly just say so." Alistair said, coming to a stop then and glaring down at her. "Besides, you've not introduced your new recruits. I see you picked up a friend for Oghren."

"Ugh. That stink pile is no friend of mine!" Sigrun grimaced, shaking her head in disgust and leaning over to call attention to the one person whom Elissa did _not_ want Alistair to see. "I like them tall, dark and broody."

"Hey… aren't you the prisoner?" Alistair said, suddenly recognizing the man he'd seen from atop The Keep days ago. "Is he the archer you recruited after he saved you from the bandits? I thought you said he was just a common thief."

"Turns out he's actually very useful…" Elissa muttered weakly, watching the tension in Nathaniel's jaw as those words sank in while he accepted The King's handshake.

"Well, anyone who saves my bride to be is alright as far as I'm concerned." Alistair smiled, trying to shake off the feelings of foreboding swirling inside him as he tried to puzzle out why Elissa had lied. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name – and I don't want to keep calling you _the prisoner_… unless that is your name, for some odd reason."

"It's Nathaniel." he answered, holding Elissa's eyes for a moment and watching her turn them to the ground. "Nathaniel Howe."

"I'm sorry… I could have sworn you just said Nathaniel Howe." Alistair said, trying to laugh it off. "But that's impossible. I must have misheard."

"No, I didn't stutter and your hearing is fine." Nathaniel replied, feeling the man release his hand and step away – his body starting to shake with building fury.

"Go inside." Elissa insisted, shuffling them all off with instructions to seek out Varel and have him see to Sigrun's Joining.

"Stay for a moment, if you would." Alistair said as Nathaniel passed him, the glint of anger in his eyes enough to still his movement up the hill and bring him to a silent stop at Elissa's side. "Whose idea was it not to tell me that you've chosen to recruit the son of a murderous traitor into our ranks?"

"Nathaniel is not involved in this. The blame should be laid on me, Alistair." Elissa replied, unable to meet his eyes as she could feel the waves of anger radiating off of him.

"Alright then, you may go." Alistair said, nodding to Nathaniel once again and waiting for him to leave, but Nathaniel hesitated. "I _said_ you may go. I would like to speak privately with my Queen."

"If you wish to speak privately perhaps you should take the discussion inside instead of having it in the middle of the courtyard. And she is _not_ your Queen. Not yet." Nathaniel hissed, eyes narrowing on the man as his own temper raged.

"Nathaniel, don't." Elissa said, planting herself in between them and willing Nathaniel to obey Alistair's request and leave them. He nodded, striding angrily up the hill and disappearing inside the walls of The Keep.

"Start talking." Alistair hissed, grabbing her arm hard and yanking her against him – even more infuriated as he watched her eyes linger on where the man had been even after he had gone.

"Let's go inside. Please. I don't want to do this out here while everyone is watching." Elissa begged, pitching her voice low and trying not to feel all the eyes that were watching them.

"It didn't seem to bother you that everyone was watching while you made a fool of me behind my back!" Alistair said, yanking her again.

"I lied to you, Alistair, and you have every right to be furious with me about that. But I have done nothing else wrong. You have my word." Elissa insisted, holding his eyes and watching the acceptance pass into them. "Now, _please_, can we go to my room to speak of this further?"

"Fine." Alistair said, shoving her ahead of him and trudging along behind as they made their way to the Master Suite.

* * *

><p>Alistair paced inside the room while Elissa removed her filthy armor, taking down her hair slowly as she waited for him to calm down enough to speak to her again.<p>

"How long has he been here?" Alistair asked, looking up to catch Elissa's eyes in the mirror across the room as she ran her fingers through the tangles of her hair.

"He was here in the prison when I got here, Alistair. You know that – you stood on the ramparts with me and watched him leave." Elissa replied, trying to keep her voice calm and even and not to prod him any further.

"I meant how long has he been _back_ and you **know** that, Elissa. Don't mince words with me. I haven't the patience for it." Alistair hissed, glaring at her as he continued to stomp around the room.

"You know that too. I told you when we brought him back, you were here. The only lies I've told you have been to conceal his identity because I knew how you'd react if I told you the truth." Elissa responded, turning to face him.

"So you actually _planned_ this? You sat and plotted out how you were going to _lie_ to me?" Alistair yelled, coming to a stop across from her and yanking her to her feet.

"Not the way you're making it out. I-I just… I knew you'd be upset and I was trying to find the best way to tell you so that you'd be the least likely to yell… clearly I didn't make the right choice." Elissa replied, her words trailing off as she felt him shaking with anger.

"Yes, _clearly_." Alistair snipped, his breathing erratic as he searched her eyes. "Are you still in love with him?"

"No, Alistair. It's over. I love you and I've told him that." Elissa replied, reaching up to touch his face and watching him flinch away for a moment before he settled into her touch. "I know it was wrong. I should have told you from the beginning – I just… I _knew_ you would ask me that, and I didn't want you to doubt yourself. I didn't want you to doubt me."

"He doesn't believe you. Why should I?" Alistair asked, thinking about the arrogant assertions of the man down in the courtyard below.

"_He_ doesn't matter. It's only you and me here. If Nathaniel can't accept it, then that is on his head." Elissa insisted, leaning into him – stroking softly at his cheeks. "I'm here, with you – _exactly_ where I want to be."

Alistair ached for her, wanting so badly to believe her in spite of the nagging echo at the back of his mind that told him to say no – to walk away now before he set himself up to fall even further than he already had. He eventually gave in, taking her mouth against his own and wrapping her in his arms as he pressed her back against the bed and laid claim to her body in the hopes he could somehow hold onto her heart.

* * *

><p>Elissa woke hours later, bathed in sweat and barely managing to stifle the scream that threatened to rip loose from her chest as she sat up from the nightmare of The Fade.<p>

In the darkness she'd seen The Mother, listened to her plotting, felt the vengeful reaches of her hatred seeking her out within the shadows of the hive mind.

She looked at Alistair, still sleeping soundly beside her – the dwindling fire light playing across the skin of his back and revealing the scars that still remained as a reminder of the time they'd spent in Fort Drakon.

She was overwhelmed with tenderness for him in that moment, curling her knees up against her chest and watching him so peaceful, far away in whatever dreamscape had claimed him for the night.

She tried to lie back down and go to sleep, but found herself too anxious to do so – part of her fearing that she'd find The Mother waiting for her there.

She dressed quickly and silently, trudging through the silent halls of The Keep and making her way up to the ramparts above.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel had listened to them argue, forcing himself to leave that section of The Keep when the arguing faded into distinctly <em>less<em> angry sounds – only returning hours later when he was certain they'd gone to sleep.

He woke shortly before Elissa, something in the Fade prodding him out of its clutches just in time to hear her door closing softly and the light padding of her footfalls down the hall. He listened long enough to hear her enter the door that would take her up onto the ramparts above before he dressed himself and went up after her.

She'd sensed the trace of another Warden coming up the stairs behind her, knowing it was far too distant to be Alistair and praying that it wasn't the only other person she could think of who would come in search of her so late at night.

"Are you alright?" Nathaniel said, watching her hair toss about in the wind behind her as he shut the door behind them.

"You shouldn't be up here." Elissa replied, staring resolutely ahead as though denying he was there would make him go away.

"Why not? I'm not harming anything by standing here. Surely your _King_ will allow that." he replied, his tone becoming more and more angry and hurt with every word.

"He hasn't ordered you to do anything, Nathaniel. It's me that's asking." she said, trying to will herself to remain calm – to feel nothing.

"If it's over like you say it is, if I'm just some _common_ thief you've recruited to your cause – then why won't you look at me?" Nathaniel asked, moving closer to her side – close enough that she could feel the heat radiating off his body.

"Please, go. I'm begging you… just walk away." Elissa said, hearing how weak the request sounded – knowing she was encouraging him with every word out of her mouth.

"Look me in the eyes and ask me to go and I'll do as you say." he insisted, standing for a moment and waiting for her to do it herself before reaching out and forcefully turning her toward him. "Look at me, Elissa. Do you _really_ want me to go?"

She looked up at him finally, and he could see it there in her eyes. Everything she'd felt for him in their past and everything she _still_ felt for him even now was warring inside her with the guilt and love she held for Alistair in equal measure. Before he knew what was happening, he'd grabbed her and pressed his mouth hard against hers – kissing her like he'd wanted to hundreds of times since they found each other again. She stood there motionless for awhile, and he began to think she wouldn't return it – that she'd just stand there until he stopped – but then, suddenly, she was kissing him back. Her hands wound up into his hair, pulling him harder against her as her lips parted granting his tongue access to her mouth. He wrapped his arms around her then growling into her mouth, pulling her tight against his body and kissing her over and over and over again – feeling the rush of energy dancing between them just like it had when they'd shared their first kiss ten years before.

"Elissa, come back to bed, it's cold down there and I…" Alistair staggered to a stop, watching her draw back from the archer and press her hand against her mouth, raising her guilty eyes to meet his own. "I should have known… Maker, I'm just as stupid as everyone has always made me out to be." He laughed, rubbing his hands over his face and disappearing inside the doorway.

"What have I done?" Elissa whispered, falling back against the castle edge – barely able to stand as she struggled to find her breath.

"It had to come out, Elissa. It wasn't going to be easy no matter how we went about it." Nathaniel said, reaching over to stabilize her.

"Don't touch me!" she hissed, shoving him away and glaring up at him – running through the door and down the stairs, rushing down the hall back to her room.

* * *

><p>Alistair was dressing inside, shoving his things hastily into his pack – anxious to get out of there as quickly as possible.<p>

"Alistair, wait… please stop… let me explain." Elissa begged, trying to still his hands – to get him to stop what he was doing.

"I prayed, I actually _prayed_ to the Maker tonight for the first time in years that I was wrong. That you were telling me the truth when you said it was over between you." Alistair said, laughing sadly as he continued to pack. "Apparently the Maker doesn't listen to me anymore."

"I want it to be over, Alistair. I'm… I'm so confused…" Elissa said, falling back limp against the bed and threading her fingers up into her hair.

"It's alright to be confused. It's completely understandable actually." Alistair said, his voice as calm and even as he could manage in light of what he was about to say. "You never had a chance to get closure because it was taken away from you, and I get that. But I've been fighting against his ghost for years Elissa… and I just barely edged it out. I don't stand a chance against the man himself. Especially not now that he's here, sleeping just down the hall. _Kissing_ you on the ramparts while I'm sleeping in your bed."

"Don't say that. _Please_ don't say that." Elissa begged, crawling over to him across the bed on her knees.

"Whatever this is, you need to sort it out. I love you. A part of me always will – but we can't be together looking over our shoulders. You, wondering if you made the right choice and me, wondering when you're going to go after him." Alistair explained, hearing the catch in his own voice as he picked up his discarded ring off her bedside table.

"No, Maker **no**! Please, Alistair. Please don't do this! I'll go with you right now to the Chantry in Amaranthine. I'll marry you right this moment. I'll do whatever you want." Elissa begged, desperately holding him against her as the tears started to run down her cheeks.

"Will you send him away? To Weisshaupt, the Anderfels? Hell send him back to the bloody Free Marches! He's already familiar with the place, he should be comfortable there." Alistair asked, holding her eyes and feeling the seconds tick by while she didn't answer him. "That's what I thought. You don't know, your heart hasn't decided – and until it has, I can't be with you. I won't share you with him. I won't share you with anyone."

"Alistair, it's not that simple…" Elissa started, still tugging at him – still trying to hold him there.

"It _is_ that simple. Sort it out. Put it to rest and come back to me if it's meant to be." Alistair said, pressing his lips to her forehead. "Until then, I have to go. I don't belong here anymore."

She watched him move through the door, closing it softly behind him and moving down the hall.

* * *

><p>When Nathaniel made his way to her room and knocked, Elissa didn't answer. He'd heard Alistair leave long before, and had heard no movement beyond that so he knew she was inside.<p>

"Elissa?" he pressed through the door, turning to see her sitting limp on it, staring blankly out the window and into the rising light of dawn.

"Did you come to gloat?" she asked, eyes dull and listless in her puffy tear streaked face.

"Gloat? No… I came to see if you're alright." Nathaniel said, trying to read her – to find something in her tone that gave him an idea of what to expect, of what she was thinking, but she was dead – just _gone_.

"Alright." Elissa shorted, barely able to manage the energy it took to bark out that short laugh. "I was. I was better than alright for a time. I was happy."

"You can be happy again, Elissa. We can be happy together if you'd just give it a chance." Nathaniel insisted, starting to reach out for her – stopping when she looked up at him with the first emotion he'd seen since he came into the room. And it was not love, but loathing.

"You think I can be happy with you after what you've just done?" she said, jaw tensing as her fury built. "Alistair was the one good thing I had left. He was my rock… but you've taken him away from me and now I'm left adrift in this madness with nothing to hold to. I'm lost."

"You can hold to me. You've always been able to hold to me." he insisted, searching her face – trying to will her to believe him.

"Is that so? Could I hold to you when you walked away from me years ago to do your _duty_?" Elissa hissed, eyes narrowing on him as the venom welled up inside her.

"Father orchestrated the whole thing, we both know that now. You can't hold me responsible. I was young and it was bred into me to do as I was told." Nathaniel replied, knowing she was prodding at him but unable to completely fight down his own temper. "You're just trying to make me angry. You _are_ making me angry, but I won't let you push me away."

"So what now? How does the rest of your big plan play out? Do you expect me to thank you? To invite you into my bed?" she asked, tears running down her cheeks – tears of anger and of sorrow – she was so confused she didn't even know what she felt anymore and wasn't sure she cared to find out. "Well go on! Take it then, claim your prize. Have a go at the Hero of Ferelden!" She reached out and grabbed the front of his pants then, tugging him closer and working at his belt.

"What are you doing?" he said, voice cracking as he fumbled to get her hands away from their task before she managed to get his pants off and take over the situation despite how wrong he knew it would be. "Stop, stop it! You don't even know what you're doing."

"What's wrong, Nathaniel? Isn't this what you wanted? I'm here… I'm yours… I'm willing…" Elissa insisted, laying back against the bed and looking up at him – knees parted just enough to be an invitation. "All you have to do is take it. I know you want to. I can see it on your face."

"This isn't what I wanted, and you know it. Things weren't supposed to be this way." Nathaniel replied, willing away the feelings of disgust mingling with desire and despair inside him.

"No. They weren't. We were supposed to have our happily ever after, but we lost that chance so now you've taken it upon yourself to make sure I don't get it with anyone else. And now, here we are. Alone together in your dead father's room, waiting for you to reap your just rewards. Tell me, lover, is it good for you? Is it everything you thought it would be?" she whispered, starting to cry fully as the waves of loss settled in on her. He just stood there staring, unable to speak as the waves of emotion passed through him one after another. "It's not is it? You see it now? Now that it's too late to stop what you've started. Now that the damage is done."

"Elissa…" he said, unable to stop his heart from breaking all over again as she rolled away from him and sobbed into her pillow.

"Get out of my room!" Elissa yelled, her whole body shaking as she cried. "Just get away from me. Maker please, just go."

She listened to the click of the door a few moments later, and fully handed herself over to her sorrow - knowing that things would never be the same.


	9. Chapter 9: Letting Go

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Some **NSFW** material scattered about once again - mostly near the beginning and the end! Just a warning!_

_Muse Music: Before the Dawn by Evanescense_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my epic Lady Beta **artemiskat**! If you're an angsty Nate fan you should definitely read her stuff :) _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Chapter Nine: Letting Go<span>_**

The days following the disaster were filled with alternating periods of complete silence and the equally unsettling racket of Elissa's powerful rage filled tantrums. The noise would make its way through the thick door of her room and echo down the long halls of The Keep, sending servants, guards and even her fellow Wardens scurrying away fearfully. She refused to open the door or leave her room for anyone or any reason, and wouldn't even acknowledge Nathaniel whenever he would try to speak to her – though she did toss heavy objects at the door several times until he went away.

Varel threatened to contact the First Warden if she didn't pull herself together and resurface, but she called him on it – telling him that he probably should as she'd gone mad and should likely be locked away in the furthest depths of Weisshaupt Fortress.

If the man had believed for a moment that she'd was actually a threat, he absolutely would have reached out to the Wardens to make an official request for aid – but, the truth was he'd only been bluffing and the truly mad rarely ever admitted to it.

When Anders finally decided to make his attempt it was during one of her lengthier periods of calm. He leaned his head against the door and tried to sound as unphased by her episodes as possible.

"So, I've been sent to draw you a bath." Anders said, clearing his throat when she didn't respond in any way and then continuing. "There are reports of flies beginning to gather outside your door and an assault with buckets and soap bombs through your window is beginning to be spoken of within the guard. It's mutiny, I tell you."

"This is your plan, Anders. To stand outside my door and toss insults." Elissa snorted from inside, and he could hear her fumbling around on the bed – finally padding across the floor in his direction. "If you've decided to go that route, you really should have sent Oghren. The dwarf is unsurpassed in that particular area."

"Ah, that may be so… but it would seem that the foul little man has a soft spot when it comes to his Commander." Anders replied, genuine in the sentiment – Oghren had been drinking even _more_ than usual since Elissa had locked herself away.

He heard movement on the other side of the door, a key pushing into then turning in a lock, and then the soft pad of her feet as she shuffled away. He couldn't believe he'd actually managed to get her to allow him access, but pressed the advantage – darting inside before she changed her mind.

"Lock it, please." Elissa said, flopping back down on her rumpled bed and snatching up one of the many bottles, then another when she found that one to be empty. "I've no desire to have anyone else weaseling their way inside."

"You know, I was originally kidding about the whole stinky thing… but truthfully, it is a bit rank in here." Anders wrinkled his nose, taking in the disheveled appearance of the woman in front of him who had clearly done nothing but drink for the past three days.

The state of her hair and clothing would make an outsider believe her a common vagrant, and there was a truly astonishing array of empty bottles strewn about the bed and floor nearby.

"I could kill you, you know." Elissa said, emptying the last remnants of one bottle and tossing it aside to find another with some left inside. "I'm off balance. _Mad_. And you really think it's a good idea to stand there and tell me I smell? _Really_?"

"Well, you do." Anders insisted, sitting down on the edge of the bed and refusing to be threatened. "If I were stinky-mad I'd want a friend to have the balls to tell me."

She actually laughed at that. It was by no means a belly roll, but it was a genuine laugh – the burst of it curving up her lips just a little as she looked him over.

"Fine. Draw me a bath then. Mage baths are good. Always the perfect temperature." Elissa said, flopping back on the bed and waiting for him to oblige her request.

"So you've been bathed by a mage before?" Anders asked with a wink, strolling over to her stone tub and filling it with ice, then setting to melting and warming it. "Lucky chap that one."

"Morrigan wouldn't be happy to hear you call her a chap." Elissa snorted, pushing up onto her elbows as she thought with both fondness and sorrow on the memory of her old friend.

"Oh! A lady mage! You saucy minx!" Anders laughed, turning back to her and flicking the water from his fingers when he'd tested the temperature on his arm.

"Not all that saucy actually… at least not when it comes to Morrigan." Elissa shrugged, pulling herself up to her feet and starting to work at the laces on the front of her pants. "She only actually bathed me the once that I know of, and I was pretty much comatose then so it probably wasn't all that sexy."

"You'd be surprised." Anders chuckled, standing and moving back toward the door as she continued to undress. "Well, bath drawn, mission accomplished. I'll leave you to it then."

"Stay." Elissa said, drawing a very surprised mage's eyes swinging back to her.

"You want me to stay and watch you while you bathe?" Anders asked, punctuating the thought with a short bark of laughter.

"Watch me? No. But you can sit on the bed opposite the screen and keep me company." Elissa replied, letting her pants slide down her legs to pool on the floor before flipping her tunic up over her head and walking over to the tub in her underthings. "I'd appreciate it."

"A-Alright…" Anders replied, knowing it was probably a very bad idea but going to sit on the bed and try very hard to pretend he hadn't been affected by the sight of her nearly naked, or the thought of her completely naked when he heard her sinking into the water.

"Mmm…" Elissa hummed, and he listened to the splashing as she started to work the filth of the last few days out of her hair and off of her skin. "I don't care what anyone says about mages. As long as you keep drawing me baths you're fine by me!"

"Glad to be of service." Anders laughed, hearing the deep chuckle of her response from behind the screen and trying again to refocus his thoughts. "You're not bad yourself, you know, for a stinky-mad non-mage."

"Be still my heart!" Elissa cried out, continuing to laugh afterward. "How _do_ the ladies resist you?"

"You are also remarkably lovely… if I might say so." Anders said, swallowing when he heard the water still for a moment as she absorbed that. "But, really… when the Templars came for me after all that mess with the phylactery… you could have decided I wasn't worth the trouble." He stood then, pacing a bit closer to the screen and leaning against the wall just opposite it. "Apparently, I am worth the trouble. Considering I am usually a _lot_ of trouble, I should be exceptionally grateful for what you've done."

"You're not nearly as much trouble as you think." Elissa chuckled, and he could hear the light splashing as she settled down comfortably in the stone tub. "And I've got a pretty good gauge on it, being quite a bit of trouble myself."

"That you are." Anders laughed, shaking his head and rubbing at his temples. "You know, when you conscripted me and started to rattle off that brutal list of side effects – I honestly believed I'd jumped from the frying pan into the fire." He looked up then, turning his face to the screen where he could see brief flashes of movement through the gap between panels. "But being a Warden is becoming almost tolerable! It's like a pleasant stroll through the park – with darkspawn!"

"I am truly pleased I could make this dream a reality for you." Elissa responded, causing the water to move around as her body shook with laughter.

"You're a giver. I sense that about you." Anders replied, laughing himself. "At any rate… I thought it was worth mentioning. Thank you, Commander. For everything."

"Anders…" Elissa said, turning him back toward her as he'd started to walk away.

"Yes?" Anders answered, feeling something in the air between them shift and uncertain how he felt about it.

"Call me, Elissa." she replied, settling back into the water once again.

* * *

><p>Anders had convinced Elissa to actually leave her room a few hours later, taking her out for a walk around the courtyard in the sun once he'd established that Nathaniel was busy down in the archery range and had been for hours. She had some ore and a golem fragment to deliver to a delighted Wade and Herren, and some lyrium dust to hand off to Dworkin so that the mad-dwarf could begin to manufacture more high-grade explosives similar to what they'd used to destroy the pit of Broodmothers.<p>

"Look at that!" Anders whistled, turning Elissa's eyes to his where he looked up at the statue of Andraste planted in the middle of the courtyard.

"What is your fascination with statues?" Elissa laughed, rolling her eyes. "Have you got some sort of stone fetish? I have a golem friend if you do… perhaps you'd fancy each other, if she didn't squish you."

"Wow… hmm… I'm not even sure how that would work, and I've thought about a lot of things… _a lot_…." Anders replied, trailing off in thought before Elissa cleared her throat and refocused him. "It's not just a statue anyway. Andraste was a real person once, before she up and married the Maker." He looked far away in thought then. "I wonder what she would have thought of the Circle of Magi – all of us forced to fight demons or be made tranquil?"

"She'd probably be confused by it." Elissa replied, looking up at the statue and thinking back on the countless conversations she'd had with Sten on similar subjects, suddenly missing the qunari more than ever.

"No doubt you're right." Anders shrugged, folding his arms over his chest. "From what I remember of the Chant, Andraste counseled men to seek their own paths to the Maker. But now the Chantry uses her words to collar us simply for being born as we are."

"They certainly seem content to twist things to their own end, I'll give you that." Elissa replied, sighing as she thought about her many issues with the Chantry and their treatment of the world in general.

"And now I'm all a-tingle." Anders quipped, smirking at her when her eyes flipped back down to him before she moved further out into the courtyard. "I mean she's quite the looker… but you've got more spirit."

"Yes, well _she_ is far more likely to let you grope her boobs." Elissa laughed, pausing for a moment. "Do I need to wait while you cop a feel on the Maker's bride?"

"No, no… I'm all groped out when it comes to the stone variety." Anders laughed, ushering her back into motion. "Though I'd be happy to give yours a go if that's what you'd fancy."

"Oghren is right! You are a naughty, _naughty_ mage!" Elissa barked, trying to keep herself from toppling over in laughter.

"Oh you love it! I'm on to you!" Anders replied with a wink, coming around the corner behind her and stopping when he saw a tiny little kitten licking at its paw near the back fence. "Oh, look at the cute little kitty!"

"Aw. Hello little one!" Elissa said, getting down on her knees and creeping forward with a hand outstretched – attempting to draw it closer without startling it.

The position gave Anders a good look at her curvy bottom, and he tilted his head appreciatively content to simply sit back and watch while she retrieved the cat. When she turned around again, cat in arms – he tried to pretend he hadn't been looking.

"There was a mouser in the tower named Mr. Wiggums." Anders said, reaching his hand out to scratch the kitten's head where it sat purring against Elissa's chest. "He was the only company I had when the Templars would lock me up."

"We can keep him inside, if you like." Elissa offered, passing the kitten over into his arms and watching him smile as he pet it.

"I'll call you Ser-Pounce-A lot, and you can stay in my pack when we travel!" Anders explained, pitching his voice low as he spoke to the furry little thing.

"Ser-Pounce-A lot?" Elissa laughed, moving back up the hill toward the gate with him.

"What? No good?" Anders asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"No, it's perfect." Elissa replied, beaming at him and reaching over to scratch its head.

* * *

><p>Elissa and Anders had run into Sergeant Maverlies on their way inside, the woman relaying the discovery of an entrance into the Deep Roads beneath the rubble in Rendon Howe's old dungeon. She'd sent him off to gather Nathaniel, having no desire to speak to him herself – while she rounded up the others and gathered in the throne room.<p>

Oghren sought her out directly as soon as he arrived, motioning her over to the side for a private conversation.

"Hey, Commander." Oghren said, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "We need to talk."

"Talk? Am I in trouble now?" Elissa asked, getting the distinct impression that Oghren was about to talk about _feelings_, which was never a good thing. "If this is about the whole locking myself in the room thing… I'm out now, and I'm fine."

"No. No this isn't about that. Though, do you need to talk about that? We can talk about it if you like? That is… I mean there's more wine in the cellar." Oghren stuttered, clearly needing a great deal more alcohol if Elissa were to take him up on the offer to vent.

"Oh, thank the Maker!" Elissa gasped, leaning forward and squeezing his shoulder. "No, Oghren. I'm fine with us doing what we do – tossing the occasional insult and sharing massive amounts of grain alcohol. There's no need to go changing that now."

"Good. Very good." Oghren replied, looking distinctly less like he wanted to run away. "This is about dreams. Are you having them?"

"Wait? You've been having them too?" Elissa said, completely dumbfounded that of all the people to share her vision of The Mother it would be Oghren, especially when Alistair hadn't so much as flinched.

"Aye. This one put me right off my breakfast." Oghren replied, grimacing as he remembered it. "I saw one of those vomit-smeared Broodmothers… only it had Hespith's face…"

"Hespith?" Elissa asked, realizing that it was some other kind of nightmare the dwarf was having and she was still alone in her visions of the coming storm.

"Yeah, you remember Hespith." Oghren replied, reaching for his flask and drinking heavily – passing it over to Elissa so she could do the same. "Branka was there, and she whispered _it's time_ and then hundreds of darkspawn burst out of Hespith's body…" He cringed, watching Elissa do the same. "Then the spawn surrounded me, started asking if I'd like lemon in my tea… if I'd teach them to read and write. One of them kept asking _where's the baby_? That's when I woke up."

"I have dreams of darkspawn, but they aren't like that." Elissa answered, trying very hard to be supportive and not laugh at the idea of the darkspawn demanding to be parented by Oghren.

"Huh. Well I do get other dreams about darkspawn, but they're nowhere near as scary as that one!" Oghren replied, taking back his flask and moving off to join the others.

* * *

><p>When Nathaniel made it into the room, the others were already milling about waiting for Elissa to issue her directive for the day. She stood at the back of the room behind the dais chair, arguing once again with Swiftrunner.<p>

"I don't care what Alistair told you this time, Dastan. I need for you to go back to Denerim. He's going to need you more than I am right now." Elissa insisted, clearly frustrated that the man was refusing to listen to her once again.

"You locked yourself in your room for three days. I find it hard to believe the King has resorted to such childish extremes." Swiftrunner replied, easily meeting her glare with one of his own.

"Just go to Alistair. He was very upset when he left, and that tends to make him careless. I can't focus here if I'm worried about whether or not he's okay." Elissa insisted, reaching out to squeeze his arm.

"You can't focus here regardless. It is dangerous for you to be doing anything in this condition and you know it. You need me here to make sure you don't do anything foolish." Swiftrunner insisted, planting himself resolutely in place and refusing to budge.

"You've brought this on yourself. Remember that. I tried to ask nicely." Elissa said, crossing her arms and glaring at him. "I no longer require your services. You are free to go."

"What?" Swiftrunner hissed, taking a step forward and leaning down into her face.

"You heard me. You stood there on the floor of the Landsmeet chamber with Zevran and pledged yourself to my service, until such time when I no longer had need of you. Well, congratulations – that day has come." Elissa hissed, holding his golden eyes with her green and refusing to back down.

"You are twisting those words to mean something which I never intended!" Swiftrunner growled, reaching out to grip her shoulders in his powerful hands.

"And _you_ are going back on your solemn vow." Elissa replied, watching it settle into him – watching him realize that he could not deny her without betraying the essence of who he was.

He stormed off a few moments later, pausing as he passed Nathaniel near the door.

"If you actually care for her as you claim to, then watch her. Watch her closely." Swiftrunner insisted, watching the exceptionally subtle nod of the archer's head as he held his eyes. "She is letting go. I can see it in her eyes. I cannot save her from this. Perhaps you will succeed where I have failed."

Nathaniel turned his eyes up to Elissa, noting that she watched them cautiously from the other end of the hall. He dropped anything he'd been thinking back behind his own walls after that, setting himself to the task of keeping her safe regardless of how she might feel about that.

* * *

><p>Sergeant Maverlies met up with them just inside the main dungeon door, leading them down to the newly opened chasm at the very end of the winding hallways.<p>

"Here we are. Just look at 'er." Maverlies said, peering with Elissa and the rest of her group over the edge of the drop down into the stone floor of the Deep Roads.

"I knew it led to the Deep Roads." Voldrick said, the stonemason folding his arms in pride and winking up at her. "I could smell it."

"Ah, the stink of darkspawn. What a great way to start the morning!" Anders said, patting his chest and trying to look as though he wasn't hating the very thought of going back down beneath the earth after they'd only just managed to get out the last time.

"It looks safe enough to climb down." Maverlies said, gesturing to the ropes they'd anchored off for the descent down to the cavern floor. "If you can explore those tunnels and clear them out, we'll head down there with Voldrick's masons and try to find a way to seal it so the darkspawn can't get back in."

"Alright! Down we go!" Elissa said, moving to one of the ropes and sliding over the edge.

"Good luck!" Maverlies called down to her as she started to descend.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel could barely contain his temper as they made the long climb down, listening to the constant flirting being tossed back and forth between Elissa and the mage. The man had been almost intolerable before, but from the moment he'd been the one to retrieve her from her self-imposed quarantine – something had changed between them, and it was obvious to anyone who looked.<p>

"How _do_ the Templars always find you, Anders?" Nathaniel said, untying his own tether and watching the smile fall away from the mage's face as he worked on his own while Elissa and Sigrun scouted ahead.

"Incredibly angry, that's how they find me." Anders replied, tension evident in his normally relaxed posture as he realized that the archer was attempting to provoke him.

"Incredibly stupid, perhaps." Nathaniel sneered, flicking his rope to the ground when he was done. "There must be some trick to it, surely. I mean – you've managed to get out seven times but can't seem to stay hidden?"

"They began recruiting women. Pretty ones, like Elissa." Anders tossed out, watching the archer flinch when he used her name and not her title.

"She's been through a lot. It would probably be smart to back off and give her some time to recover before you attempt to use her body to warm your bed." Nathaniel hissed, leaning in to glare at him as he tossed his own rope to the side.

"Wow. You sound distinctly jealous, Nathaniel." Anders chuckled, folding his arms over his chest in glee. "What's wrong? Afraid of a little competition for our lovely Commander's affections?"

"From you? Hardly!" Nathaniel snorted, folding his own arms. "I sent The King of Ferelden packing, I can certainly handle you."

"Sent The King packing did you?" Anders replied, shaking his head. "You really don't see it do you? She's damaged. She was damaged even before you decided to go stomping around on the fragile support system she'd constructed – but now she's just grasping at straws and trying to find purchase on something that isn't going to let her down."

"And she's to count on you? A mage who runs away the very instant he's given a chance?" Nathaniel laughed rolling his eyes.

"From what I've heard, you did a good bit of running away yourself once upon a time." Anders retorted, watching the archers eyes take on a dangerous gleam as his temper reached a new level.

"You know _nothing_ about me, mage." Nathaniel spat, fully furious.

"And you know nothing about me, Howe." Anders replied, starting to walk away but turning back with an afterthought. "You know, comparing us was the most ridiculous thing I have ever done because we honestly couldn't be more different – and here's why. You see her as an end, as a goal to accomplish, as a victory. You want to stand there and think you've won – while I'm content to keep trying, even if it never amounts to anything. She's worth it. Every second of it, every day – and if you can't see that, you don't deserve to have her – and you never will."

He turned after that, jogging off to catch up with Elissa and Sigrun and leaving Nathaniel to fume alone in the darkness while he waited for Oghren to reach the floor.

* * *

><p>The passage fanned out in two separate directions, one looking distinctly more likely to end than the other – and so Elissa turned the group to explore that one first.<p>

At the end they found two dead golems and the remains of a shrine to the Avaar God, Korth.

"Hey, Korth… wasn't that the name on one of those keyholes in the crypt?" Anders asked, rifling about through some nearby boxes and retrieving anything that looked like it might still be useful.

"I've got a key that says Korth!" Sigrun cried, her head popping up from a vase in the corner as she held the trinket triumphantly in the air.

"Good job!" Elissa said, winking at Anders as she moved over to retrieve the key from Sigrun. "Two more to find and we get to unlock the special door in the dungeon!" she smirked hatefully at Nathaniel as she moved beyond him and back toward the other curve of the tunnel. "See… and you thought looting couldn't be fun."

Nathaniel sighed, realizing it was going to be a very long day full of insults tossed in his general direction and scrambling to get his temper back under control. Only the dwarves didn't seem to mind him – Oghren because he was too drunk to care and Sigrun because, as Elissa had said, she fancied him.

At the other end of the tunnel, the fallen rock walls opened into the distinctive stone flooring of the Deep Roads.

"Tell me there aren't going to be more Broodmothers down there…" Anders said, trying to appear as though he wasn't ready to crawl out of his own skin at the idea.

"Probably not. There'd be a lot more yuck on the walls and floors if there were." Elissa said, reaching over to pat his back encouragingly as she moved further into the hall.

Once she hit the middle, darkspawn started to appear out of what seemed like thin air – pouring in from side chambers like vermin. They were all drones, so the number wasn't too much of a problem – it was more the unsettling knowledge that now they were sentient enough to plan and execute a concealed attack.

Elissa set the group searching the side rooms, where they recovered another of the keys required to open the odd door in the Howe Family Crypt. She headed into a long side tunnel, laughing when she came to a stop in a dead end full of glittering diamonds.

"Well, Nathaniel, it appears as though I've found your family fortune!" Elissa quipped, smirking at him when he came strolling around the corner behind her and listening from the gasps from the others as Sigrun and Anders rushed forward to pry a few out of the wall.

"It's hardly mine at this point." Nathaniel retorted, glaring at her. "This is _your_ Keep now, remember."

"It's not _mine_ either, it belongs to the Wardens… though, after your latest need to act out, Alistair is likely to reclaim it and then neither of us will have them." Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes "Oi. Grab whatever is loose. I'll send Voldrick back down here to excavate the rest later."

She turned then, pulling her own flask loose from her hip and drinking quite a bit out of it before proceeding up the side passage and back to the main hall. She didn't make it far before another group of darkspawn popped out of the shadows – this one complete with an Alpha Emissary.

"Bollocks!" Elissa hissed, attempting to reach for her blades before she found herself in the painful throws of a paralysis spell – screaming out loud enough to draw the attention of the others at the end of the tunnel.

"Get the caster down!" Nathaniel yelled, setting loose a spray of arrows into the massive swarm of drones as Sigrun and Oghren shot past him on their way to the Emissary.

Elissa twitched helplessly in the air between where he and Anders stood, and he shook his head at her carelessness. The Wolf had been right, she was off her game and if she wasn't careful it was going to cost her dearly.

When the last of the darkspawn had fallen, Elissa crumpled to the ground – coughing and flexing her aching muscles while Anders looked her over for any sign of permanent damage.

"What were you thinking barreling off like that?" Nathaniel yelled, doing a piss poor job of holding down his temper but not caring if it meant she'd pay more attention as a result.

"I was thinking I really needed a drink and a minute to rest." Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes and flexing her arms nonchalantly. "Thankfully that Emissary was more than happy to give me that breather while you lot took care of his friends. Thoughtful little bugger he was."

"This isn't funny, Elissa. That could have killed you! These things are smart – and I don't know about you, but I can't track them." Nathaniel continued, ranting as he tried to reason with her while she took another drink from her flask and stared blankly in his direction. "Pull yourself together and focus. You're the Warden-Commander and you're better than this."

"Oh, but you see, that's where you're wrong! This is as good as it gets. I am _exactly_ as together as I'm ever likely to get thanks to you." Elissa chuckled, drinking some more and wandering ahead. "If you fancy leading, then lead. You've already taken everything else from me. Might as well take that and finish me off."

When Nathaniel made it around the corner and back to the long main hall, Elissa was sitting on a nearby chunk of stone with her legs crossed – obviously waiting for someone else to make a decision about how to proceed.

"Where to, _Commander_?" Elissa asked, lounging back against the wall and smirking bitterly up at him.

"Fine. If this is how you want it to be, I'll play." Nathaniel replied, inspecting the three paths and finding that only one wasn't blocked by too much debris to be useable. "Through here." He called, motioning to the door but seeing that no one followed – still waiting to see what Elissa was going to do.

"Sir, yes sir!" Elissa said, standing up and saluting him before she stepped through the door setting the others into motion behind her.

She waited by the wall for Nathaniel to open the portcullis that lead down to the metal doors at the end – then fell in with Oghren at the back of the group when he moved them ahead.

Nathaniel led them through the long empty hallways, passing through a small room full of Avaar sculptures that spawned several skeletons when touched and then down another long series of hallways, across a questionable looking bridge made of what appeared to be dragon bones, to a large central chamber far beneath The Keep.

"This room is old. Very old." Nathaniel noted, watching Sigrun inspecting it cautiously from the doorway at his side.

"The architecture inside isn't just dwarven. What are those big creepy things?" Sigrun asked, pointing to the huge Avaar statuary that lined the walls.

"They're part of the lovely barbarian décor that Rendon was so fond of." Elissa sneered, sauntering between them into the room to inspect the rotating metal device at the center of the chamber.

"I'm not sure that touching that is a very good idea." Anders warned, pressing through himself and trying to stop her before she did what she was aiming to do and laid her fingers against the metal.

He didn't reach her in time, and he could have sworn she winked at him as she tapped her fingers against it – sending a great rumble through the room and releasing a demon that had previously been imprisoned there.

"Oh, Rendon. You naughty, naughty man. Trapping demons in the basement. Tsk, tsk." Elissa chuckled, pulling out her sword and taking a swing at it.

Nathaniel tried to manage his temper and focus, seeing that Elissa seemed more intent on pissing him off than actually fighting anything. She swiped at the thing with her swords, but she didn't seem all that concerned about actually connecting or about moving aside when it swung back in her direction. She didn't even seem phased when it called forth a whole army of skeletons in its defense.

Swiftrunner had been exactly right to set him watching her. She wasn't just unfocused, she absolutely didn't care. Not about her directives, not about them, and certainly not about herself.

Eventually the rest of them made enough of a dent in the demon to send it retreating down another side hall, dropping the skeletons back into bone piles in its wake. Nathaniel glared at Elissa as he shouldered his bow and ushered the group into the hall behind it but she only shrugged and went back to her drinking.

They passed through several more tunnels of nothing, Anders finding an old staff and some poultices that would be of use and Elissa recovering the last key to the Crypt door in an ancient chest. It wasn't until they popped back out at the other end of the long central corridor that they encountered anything else living.

Nathaniel swallowed, seeing the large party of darkspawn waiting for them – among the mass of bodies an Alpha Emissary and a huge lumbering Ogre Commander stuck out as the primary threat.

Elissa ignored her own advice, and darted through the crowd – bypassing the caster and heading directly for the ogre in the back. She pressed down on it, twisting and darting around – luring it into one of the side chambers and cutting herself off from the rest of her companions.

Nathaniel had caught her eyes just before she ducked inside the doorway, seeing something there that chilled him to the core. She knew what she was doing. She'd separated herself intentionally from the rest of them.

Inside the room Elissa poked and prodded at the beast, working it into a frenzy as it swiped for purchase against her. When she was certain it was good and angry and capable of ripping her apart or crushing the life from her as others of his kind had attempted in the past, she dropped her blades to the floor and closed her eyes – waiting for it to act – waiting for everything to end, finally, releasing her from this unending nightmare.

Seconds passed, then minutes – and Elissa opened her eyes slowly to find the thing simply staring back at her, its head tipped quizzically to the side as it leaned in and sniffed – stretching its long clawed fingers out toward her face with a gesture that was disturbingly tender.

It was at that moment that Nathaniel came barreling through the door at the side, calling out to her and turning the attention of the very angry beast in his direction. It took the efforts of the entire group to bring the thing down – though Elissa simply leaned against the back wall until it was done and everyone started to filter back out of the room.

"What was that?" Nathaniel asked, holding her eyes as he shouldered his bow and walked over to pick up her swords from the floor.

"Nothing." Elissa answered, snatching them out of his hands and sheathing them on her back before dashing to catch up with the others as they made their way back up to The Keep.

* * *

><p>Elissa had spoken at length with Sergeant Maverlies and Voldrick about finding a way to repair the mechanism of the old dwarven doors and seal off the tunnels against any future darkspawn invasion.<p>

She then headed back into the basement, and worked herself down into the Crypt, anxious to try out her keys and see what Rendon Howe had kept behind his secret door.

"Do you really think it's a good idea to open these alone?" Nathaniel asked, finding her exactly where he'd thought she'd be and glad he'd made it before she managed to get the door open and release whatever it was his father had trapped in the room below.

"Aw, you're no fun, Nathaniel!" Elissa snorted, pressing the first key in and listening to the locking mechanism pop as another piece fell into place. "Don't you want to see what Daddy's got waiting behind the pretty black door?"

"This attitude isn't helping anything." Nathaniel replied, holding her eyes as she sauntered past him and down the other curve to the next keyhole.

"Who says I'm trying to help?" Elissa laughed, turning the next key and listening to more popping within the walls – brushing past him again and down the steps to the door at the end and the final keyhole.

"Is this how you're going to be now? Drunk or angry? Locking yourself in your room for days or threatening to leave me to lead without you?" Nathaniel asked, trailing behind her and stepping in front of the last keyhole so she couldn't use it without addressing him first.

"Yes, Nathaniel. This is exactly how I'm going to be. I'm going to drink, and curse, and be generally unpleasant. You have yourself to thank for that." Elissa replied, hands on her hips as she rolled her eyes at him. "Now, step aside. I want to see what the Archdemon keeps locked in his cellar!"

"My father was not the Archdemon." Nathaniel hissed, glaring at her but refusing to move.

"Temper, temper." Elissa warned, waggling her finger at him. "Are you mad because I've insulted your father again, or because that would make you demon spawn? That's fairly accurate isn't it? Demon spawn. I think it's a good fit."

"Damn it, Elissa! Are you trying to goad me? What do you want me to do here?" Nathaniel asked, shoving his fingers into his hair and falling back against the wall in frustration. "Just tell me what to do to make this better and I'll do it."

"Go. Get out. Go away." Elissa said, tilting her head at him and holding his eyes. "Well, I'm waiting."

"You don't mean that, and we both know it." Nathaniel replied, folding his arms over his chest.

"Yes I do. I meant it the first time when I let you out of that cell up above us, I meant it again after you ruined my life by sending Alistair away, and I mean it now." Elissa insisted, folding her arms in response.

"Well, I'm not going." Nathaniel said, hearing her speak but seeing how little she actually believed that request communicated in her eyes.

"Fine. I'll go. Perhaps I'll disappear into the Deep Roads never to be seen again." Elissa said, trying to shove him aside forcefully.

"I'd just follow you. Avoiding this isn't going to make things better, Elissa." Nathaniel insisted, resisting the urge to chuckle as she tried to move his bulky body out of her way but failed miserably. "If it's over, then fine – but we aren't going to know unless you actually admit you still have feelings for me."

"I've got feelings for you, alright." Elissa huffed, shoving at him and stalking away in frustration. "They're all distinctly unpleasant and involve poking you, _many_ times with very sharp objects."

"I'm sure quite a few of them do, but not all of them. You can't lie anymore. You kissed me back up on the ramparts. You wanted me every bit as much as I wanted you. You can keep telling yourself it isn't true but that doesn't change anything." Nathaniel insisted, striding over to her, not seeing the smile on her face when he did exactly what she wanted and revealed the keyhole until she'd darted past him and slammed the last key into place.

"You crafty little bitch." Nathaniel spat, smirking at her in irritation but respecting how well she played him all the same. "Don't you dare turn that! I'm not done talking and we don't know what's down there."

"Keep talking if you want." Elissa shrugged, turning the key and smiling when the door popped open. "I'm going in."

She popped down the stairs after that, forcing him to chase behind her – goosebumps covering his arms when something brushed past them both and shot into the room below.

"This is a bad idea." Nathaniel insisted, trying to reason with her though he knew it was pointless.

"Bringing _you_ here was a bad idea, but I did that anyway." Elissa replied, listening to him sigh behind her and chuckling at it. "May as well keep at it now."

"What is that?" Nathaniel asked as they reached the bottom, a thick smoky haze covering the entire floor of the room – making it difficult to make anything out but a few sarcophagi and a couple of Avaar statues in the haze.

"Rendon, you crafty bastard… what are you up to now?" Elissa asked, stretching her foot out onto the floor and moving into the center of the room with Nathaniel at her side. "You really don't have to try too hard you know. Your son is doing a bang up job of breaking me without your help."

"Elissa, is that really necessary?" Nathaniel sighed, suddenly realizing he'd left his bow up in the Crypt and feeling really freaked out about it.

"What? I'm just talking. I thought you wanted to talk." Elissa laughed, moving over to open one of the sarcophagi and get a look at what was inside.

"No, don't touch…" Nathaniel started, hearing the door at the top of the stairs slam shut and pressing his eyes closed when he realized they were now sealed inside. "…anything."

"Oops!" Elissa shrugged, tucking her arms behind her back and waiting for whatever was going to happen to happen.

A few moments later several skeletons started to piece themselves together from the shadows on the floor – assembling three heavily armored Avaar warriors.

Nathaniel pressed himself against her back, drawing his daggers and feeling Elissa pull loose her swords when her back settled against his own.

"This is not good." Nathaniel asserted, rotating with her to try and get a read on the approaching enemies.

"Yes, well demonic entities in the basement rarely are." Elissa snipped, distinctly more unsettled by the predicament than she might have been willing to admit.

"I asked you to wait. Why couldn't you just wait?" Nathaniel hissed, swatting out his blade to test the reaction of one of the warriors and dodging when it swiped back and continued to lumber forward.

"Because I was in a mood and I wanted to see what was in here." Elissa replied, swatting at the one in front of her then dodging it as well. "And you goaded me."

"I goaded you!" Nathaniel snorted, and she could feel the irritation in his reaction. "You've done nothing but prod at my temper since I found you this morning – you're acting like a petulant child!"

"Oh, _I'm_ the child here! That's rich, Nathaniel. Considering you started a pissing contest with Alistair like I'm some sort of prize to be won. You should hardly be the one pointing fingers here." Elissa retorted, cringing back against him when the warrior in front of her took a particularly brutal swipe.

"Perhaps now isn't the best time to be arguing." Nathaniel insisted, trying to shift them into a position that would put all three monsters on one side – pressing against her hip as he settled them against the wall opposite the door. "I can table this until we get out, can you?"

"_If_ we get out." Elissa snorted, watching Nathaniel glare at her. "What? Even you have to admit the odds aren't looking very good at the moment."

"And whose fault is that?" Nathaniel hissed, blocking a sword.

"I thought we weren't going to argue!" Elissa replied, blocking her own.

"You're right. We need a plan." Nathaniel said, eying them carefully. "I assume these are like any of the others – we just need to get at the head… only they're in full plate suits."

"We could treat them like golems." Elissa suggested, her breasts pressing into Nathaniel's arm as she dodged one sword and swiped out against another.

"What do you mean? We can't shoot electricity at them unless there's something you haven't been telling me?" Nathaniel replied, trying not to be aroused by the pressure of her against him when she moved in front and settled her hips back against his own to press back two swords from the warriors attack.

"I could have sworn I just heard you calling me a liar a few moments ago. Wouldn't that mean there were a great many things I haven't been telling you?" Elissa retorted, fighting down a groan when he wrapped one of his arms around her waist and held her against him so that she could keep her balance well enough to kick out at the encroaching skeletons.

"Not helping!" Nathaniel hissed, losing the battle and giving himself over to the smell of her, to her warm body wiggling against him.

It was absurd to feel like this – trapped in a basement and fighting for their lives – but it was also intoxicating and darkly seductive the way they were forced to move together simply to survive.

"You're right… I've got to focus…" Elissa said, shrinking back against him again with another sword strike and feeling his breath puff out against her neck. "Oh, Maker… don't breathe on my neck like that again or I'm just going to fall over and that won't save us at all."

"Where do you want me to breathe?" Nathaniel asked, feeling her body start to shake and knowing she was just as turned on as he was in spite of the situation. "I don't have a lot of options here."

"I'm going to try something. I need you to go with it, alright?" Elissa said, turning to face him after kicking the lumbering bodies far enough away to give them a moment.

"Whatever you want." Nathaniel replied, the waves of desire pulsing through him making it distinctly hard to focus on anything other than how close her mouth was and how much he wanted to kiss her again even though that would likely be the last thing either of them ever did.

"Give me your foot as an anchor. When I say three flip me up and I'm going to try to come down behind them and give us an advantage." Elissa said, waiting for him to do as she asked – and sliding her boot into his hand when he did. "One, two, three…"

He popped her up after that, watching her tumble up and come down behind the skeletons – catching his eyes with a smile as she got her footing and jumped on the closest one – shoving her dagger into the gap between its helm and its chest plate until she pried it loose and popped off the head sending the body crumbling to the floor.

"Your turn!" Elissa cried out, keeping one busy while Nathaniel charged one against a wall and pinned it – popping another helm loose with a grin.

"Clever girl." Nathaniel quipped, heading over to help her finish off the third by prying its head loose as she held its body stable with her sword.

He tossed the head to the ground with his daggers, reaching over to grab her and tug her into his arms – pressing her against his body and leaning in to claim her mouth again. She dipped her head to the side – preventing him from completing the journey.

"No. I can't do this. I need… I need to…" Elissa said, her voice weak and her body shaking as she took in a long shuddering breath and tried to fight away her desire for the man pressing against her.

"Stop fighting it, Elissa. Just give in. I know you want me as badly as I want you… I can hear it, I can feel it…" Nathaniel insisted, tracing his hands over her armor covered body and running his lips against the shell of her ear and down onto the bare skin of her neck. "I can see it in your eyes. We're meant to be. I love you."

"But I love Alistair." Elissa said, feeling it break them both – watching as Nathaniel pulled away and searched her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I do."

"I believe that you do. I believe that you care for him very much, and I don't question that. But you aren't _in_ love with him, and you can't tell me that some part of you isn't still in love with me." He whispered, tracing the edges of her mouth with his thumbs.

"I loved you for so long. It killed me when you left, and I thought I'd never recover. That I'd die like that - broken and alone and craving nothing but you. And then I met Alistair and everything changed. He was _so_ good, and kind, and he loved me so much it hurt. He put me back together when I thought it wasn't possible and he showed me what it was to _really_ be loved. You only showed me what it was like to lose."Elissa replied, watching him break with every word she said.

"I want you, Nathaniel. I can't deny that... my body reaches out for you even when my mind fights against it. Maybe that's the punishment for my many sins, to always wonder what it would be like to take you to my bed... to give in to the sensation of your hands on my skin... to _feel_ you moving inside of me... but desire changes nothing." he groaned and leaned into her, grazing her jaw and neck with his teeth before she pushed him back again. "You are poison. You are the bitter pill I will never swallow. I can't let you in again, I wouldn't survive it. So I am telling you again, this - whatever this is between us - it can _never_ happen."

He let her go then, backing against the wall and watching her run up the stairs away from him once again.


	10. Chapter 10: I Come To You In Pieces

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N: WARNING! NSFW **material herein! And... you probably all know what that means (the Nate fans at any rate). It's the moment you've been waiting for... sort of... :P _

_Muse Music: Pieces by Red. I never encourage people to listen, it's not my thing. I simply put things up as kind of a vague idea just in case you're interested. However... if you really want an idea of the actual inspiration behind the feeling in the Fade sequence between Nathaniel and Elissa - then this is what actually brought it to life in my mind. Do with it what you will._

_I am traveling home for the holidays in a few days, so posting may slow a bit. I will keep up as best I can, I just wanted to let you guys know!_

_Hugs to all my readers, writers and reviewers and to my most excellent Lady Beta, **artemiskat**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Ten: I Come To You In Pieces<strong>_

When Nathaniel made his way to the common room the next morning, the others had already gathered and were enjoying light conversation with their breakfast – the peals of their laughter floating up from the table and over to him where he filled his plate.

When he turned to walk over to them, Elissa was tossing a hunk of bread at Anders and chuckling at something he'd said – darting out of the way with a smirk when he popped off a small bolt of electricity at her in retaliation.

"I kept a spot warm for you hot stuff…" Sigrun said, catching his eye with a wink and patting the bench next to her.

"Thanks, Sigrun – but I think I'll find another table. I'm fairly certain no one else is looking to have my company this morning." Nathaniel grumbled, starting to make his way to another spot.

"Come now, Nathaniel. We're all adults here. Sit. Eat." Elissa said, rolling her eyes and tossing another piece of bread into her mouth.

"Ah, so you've decided to be an adult today have you?" Nathaniel asked, pushing out a sharp breath as he sat down directly across from her.

"Well, one of us has to be – and as _you_ seem to have decided to adopt the role of the petulant child this morning – I may as well play the part of Mommy for the day." Elissa retorted, sending the table snickering around her as she smirked at him.

"Mommy is it?" Nathaniel snorted, putting his elbows on the table and calling her bluff. "Tell me then, _Mommy_. Have I been a _bad_ boy? Do you need to punish me further?"

"Cute. I've half a mind to call your bluff just to see what you'd do if I turned you over my knee and tanned your arrogant behind." Elissa hissed, eyes narrowed on him.

"You're welcome to try." Nathaniel chuckled, paying no mind to the complete silence of the table around them. "Though if you do, you're much more likely to find me tanning _yours_ instead."

"Wow… is anyone else hot… and, sort of uncomfortable in a not _entirely_ bad way…" Anders said nervously, laughing a little when neither of them stopped glaring at the other long enough to even acknowledge him or anyone else for that matter.

"I'm not nearly drunk enough for this." Oghren belched, gathering up his things and heading out with Sigrun close behind him.

"Yes, and I fancy a very _cold_ bath all of a sudden." Anders quipped, taking his own plate and moving off to catch up to them.

Elissa went back to eating her food after that, ignoring the waves of irritation radiating off the man across the table from her. She refused to be chased out of her own Keep by him for any reason, focusing her attention on the notes in her journal instead.

Nathaniel watched her turn her eyes away from him and down to her plans for the day, scribbling something in her journal every now and then as she toyed with the ring she wore around her neck.

"Just put the ring back on, Elissa." he huffed, unable to take it anymore. She only seemed to play with the damn thing when he was around to see it. "If he left it with you, he obviously intends for you to wear it once you've made up your mind – which, clearly you've done."

Elissa turned her eyes up to his slowly, finishing off the chunk of bread she'd been chewing on and then dusting off her hands before reaching across the table and snatching the sharp little paring knife off the edge of his plate.

Nathaniel flinched back for a minute, suddenly very certain she was going to jam it somewhere he'd rather not be stabbed – but she just used it to flick through the cord around her neck, pulling it and the trinket on it free and dropping it to the wood in front of him. She stabbed the blade into the table and then sat back down and went to eating her bread.

"Well. Look at it then." Elissa said, lacing her fingers together and waiting for him to do as she'd instructed.

"I _know_ what the Theirin crest looks like. I went to lessons the same as you. I don't need to look at it to verify what it is." Nathaniel hissed, refusing to give her the pleasure of seeing him suffer any more than he already was.

"The Theirin signet is gold." Elissa said, her words calm and even, watching his eyes dart down and note the silver of the ring in front of him – though he still made no move to pick it up. "Oh, just pick the damn thing up and _look_ at it you prickly bastard! Honestly – what was I thinking ever falling for you?"

He picked it up then, angrily turning it over in his hand as he felt the sting of her latest jab at him. He brushed his thumb over the tarnished face of it, revealing a crest he recognized all too well.

"This is... this is _mine_." Nathaniel replied, stunned as he looked back up at her – thinking back on the many times he'd seen her fingering the charm beneath her armor.

"Indeed." Elissa responded, tugging loose a piece of cheese and tossing it into her mouth.

"You've been wearing this all along?" Nathaniel asked, shaking his head and trying to make sense of it.

"Why not? You still wear mine." Elissa said, watching his eyes hold hers again as he reached up to tug it out of the front of his tunic.

"I wear yours because I love you still. Because I have every intention of being with you again. But I don't understand why you have continued to wear this if you've resolved yourself to give us up without even trying. Why keep it if you're going to marry The King?" Nathaniel demanded, infuriated that she seemed intent on tossing his heart about like it was nothing more than a toy.

"The honest truth is, I don't know. I guess I've just worn it for so long, I felt incomplete without it lying there against my skin. I've tried to take it off before – but I always ended up putting it back on." Elissa shrugged, rubbing her face for a moment before looking at him once again. "But you're right. I shouldn't have it anymore. It's yours, Nathaniel. I'm giving it back."

"What if I don't want it back?" Nathaniel asked, swallowing hard as he watched her starting to gather her things to go.

"Then toss it. Melt it down. Sell it. I don't care what you do with it. It's yours to use as you see fit." Elissa replied, standing with her plate.

"Keep it." Nathaniel said, pulling the cord and ring up into his hands and handing it back over to her.

"That should be given to the woman you marry, Nathaniel." Elissa insisted, sighing at him.

"I am giving it to the woman I'll marry." Nathaniel replied, steadily holding her eyes. "I gave it to her years ago."

"You _really_ don't intend to give up, do you?" Elissa snorted, shaking her head.

"I'll never give up. I'll never _stop_ thinking we belong together. I'll go to my grave believing it if necessary." Nathaniel replied, watching the pain starting to flow into her eyes again. "You may not have meant it when you said forever, but I did."

She walked away after that, shaken and unsteady and wishing she'd just taken her meal in her room instead of listening to Anders and coming down.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel had gone looking for Elissa after breakfast, knowing how badly he had shaken her with his bold admission and wanting to try and smooth things over at least a little. When he found no signs of her in the usual spots, he tracked down Sigrun and asked if she had any idea where she might have gone.<p>

After attempting to entice him into some leisurely afternoon activities in several _very_ inventive ways, she finally sent him off toward the throne room where Elissa was being forced by Varel to host high court.

Knowing how much Elissa hated the very idea of such ridiculous notions of nobility, and adding to that his having riled her further at breakfast – he was not surprised to find her fuming on the dais at the back of the room.

He _was_ surprised to find Anders there as well, sauntering over to his corner with the cat Elissa had given him in tow.

"I wouldn't have expected this sort of thing to be of much interest to you, Anders." Nathaniel huffed, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back into the shadows of his corner to watch.

"Oh, I've no interest in the twisted morality of the upper crust. Certainly no one your father kept about." Anders snorted, settling in beside him. "I'm simply here to offer my support to Elissa."

On the dais Elissa did her best to appear as though she didn't want to run screaming out of the room as Varel called the court into session.

"The Warden-Commander will hear the matter of the crown against the sheepherder Alec." Varel said, and Nathaniel watched as two of the city guard led a beleaguered looking man across the hall to stand before her.

"On behalf of the crown, I submit that this man stole two bushels of grain bound for the garrison in Amaranthine." Captain Garavel strode forward to explain. "When confronted by soldiers, he confessed."

"The punishment for theft is death by either hanging or decapitation, but you already know that Commander." Varel said, watching the slow turn of her eyes up to Nathaniel who had also been brought to her for justice after stealing.

"Have you anything to say for yourself, Alec?" Elissa asked, her voice even and not at all threatening as she tried to encourage the timid man to look at her so that she could read his face.

"My sheep were slaughtered by roving packs of darkspawn and my… my family was starving." the man explained, shaking as he accepted the fact that he could quite literally be sentenced to die in a matter of moments. "I ask for mercy, your Ladyship."

"I will not punish you for seeking to protect those you love, however I cannot encourage others to ignore the law as their motives may not be as altruistic as your own." Elissa replied, watching the man turn his eyes to the floor in fear. "I will give you a compromise. Offer yourself to the service of the King's army and your life will be spared. You will also receive a stipend with which you can provide for your family."

"A-absolutely! Maker bless your soul, my Lady!" Alec replied, bowing to her many times over as he was escorted from the room.

"The next matter is of a civil nature. Lady Liza Packton is the sovereign of Teyrn's Down. She…" Varel began, before a mousy little woman stomped forward and interrupted him.

"I prefer to speak for _myself_, thank you." the woman snipped, glaring at Varel who did not back down until Elissa nodded that it was alright. "The former Arl, Rendon Howe, made certain _promises_ to me. Some of these he committed to paper." She reached an arm out, waggling her fingers at a servant who handed a stack of parchment over into her hand. "I was given the right to the incomes of the southern bridge."

"Oh, Maker… this isn't going to go well." Anders mumbled, meeting Nathaniel's eyes just long enough to see him nod in agreement as Elissa took the papers that Varel transferred over into her hand.

"Why don't you tell her what part you took in Howe's conspiracies, eh Liza? Take a look in the Cousland girl's eyes and tell her how far your fingers dipped into the conspiracy to slaughter her family." Another man said, walking forward and accepting the woman's hateful glare. "I am Ser Derren, my Lady, and it is my land she seeks to claim. It was taken from me because I was one of the few nobles who stood against Teyrn Loghain."

"Arl Howe was a traitor, and as such any promises he made are void." Elissa replied, her eyes cold as she flicked the papers over into Garevel's hand without so much as a flinch at the bitter woman in front of her. "Ser Derren keeps his holding."

"Bann Esmerelle will hear of this!" Lady Packton hissed, taking a step forward before several guardsmen cut off her path and escorted her to the back of the hall.

"Who is Bann Esmerelle?" Anders asked, scooting closer to Nathaniel so he could be heard.

"One of my father's closest allies. There was rumor of an affair after my mother passed, though there was never any proof of it." Nathaniel answered, watching the angry noblewoman closely as she strode from the hall. If there were anyone likely to be fronting the effort to make an attempt on Elissa's life, it would absolutely be Esmerelle.

"Bring in Ser Temmerly the Ox." Varel called, and Nathaniel took in a surprised breath when three guards led in the man from the rear doors of the hall.

"Well he's a rather large and angry bloke then, isn't he?" Anders asked, watching a distinctly worried look cross the archer's face as he watched the hulking blonde man fight against those that led him to stand in front of Elissa.

"Temmerly has always been… _entitled_." Nathaniel offered by way of explanation.

The last memory he had of the man in front of him was from Elissa's sixteenth birthday party, where he'd stood on the dais in Castle Cousland's courtyard and watched as the then twenty year old Ox had ravaged her with his eyes. He had barely managed to control his temper back then, and wasn't doing much better now, watching the horrible man leer at her as he was shoved to a stop at the front of the dais.

"Ser Temmerly stands accused of a murder most foul." Varel explained, and Nathaniel watched the light of fury bloom in Elissa's eyes – fearfully waiting for what she'd decide to do once all of the facts came to light.

"You and your men came upon Ser Tamara in the dead of night and did ambush her." Captain Garavel explained, and Nathaniel watched the fury building.

"Don't do it, Elissa. Don't do it unless you have absolute proof." Nathaniel whispered, hoping against hope that she'd be reasonable.

"Don't do what? What are you freaking out about?" Anders asked, suddenly feeling exceptionally out of the loop.

"You dare too much, Captain Garavel." Temmerly snorted, holding Elissa's eyes with a smirk. "I am noble born, and will not submit to your accusations. However… if your _Ladyship_ wishes to question me, I will gladly submit to that inquest."

"Oh, that was bad…" Anders muttered, suddenly following Nathaniel's logic.

"Stupid, _stupid_ pig of a man…" Nathaniel said, shaking his head.

"You have been accused of murdering a woman, _Ox_. I would not be so willing to submit to anything I might offer were I in your shoes…" Elissa assured him, her smile bitter and vicious. "Especially since according to my soldiers you and yours were found fleeing, covered in blood still warm from its bleeding."

"There is a great deal of traffic on your roads these days, _my Lady_. Not all of it is human. And it's _sooooo_ dangerous at night." Temmerly sneered, winking at her. "We were merely in a hurry to reach a nice, safe place."

"You mock this court with your denials!" Captain Garavel hissed, eliciting a glare from the nobleman.

"You have nothing, _Captain_!" Temmerly yelled, turning to him for a moment then back to Elissa. "Release me, Cousland. It's this common lout's word against mine."

"A lady knight is dead, _Ser_. I will have justice." Elissa replied, smiling as she leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs leisurely. "Behead him."

"Oh, Elissa…" Nathaniel said, hanging his head. "You've just signed your own death warrant."

"What? What does that mean?" Anders asked, looking around and half expecting someone to dash out at them at any moment.

"B-But… you can't!" Temmerly said, shocked then furious as the guards tried to drag him away from a smirking Elissa. "You've kept his son! Kept a known traitor's son _alive_ and in your service but you're going to take my head without a scrap of proof against me!"

Elissa's eyes flashed, catching Nathaniel's – and Temmerly followed the movement, turning his head in the archer's direction and becoming even more infuriated.

"So that's what it takes then? Not to be executed for believing your family was traitorous scum that deserved what they got?" Temmerly continued, yelling louder and louder. "Take me to your bedchamber then. I guarantee I'll give you a far better roll than whatever you've gotten out of Nathaniel bloody Howe!"

Elissa was up off the chair after that, relieving a nearby guardsman of his broadsword before he even noticed her doing it and charging through the center of the room. The guards holding Temmerly staggered back, watching her swing the blade with ease though it was as long as she was tall. The next thing anyone knew a spray of blood dropped warm across the crowd as the headless body of the former nobleman dropped to the floor.

"Let that be a lesson to the rest of you. I do not tolerate traitors. If you had _anything_ to do with the slaughter in Castle Cousland, I will find you. If you threaten my Wardens, you threaten my family, and you will be dealt with." Elissa yelled, tossing the sword to the floor with a clatter and stomping back to the dais and out into the hallway beyond. "Come for me if you must, but know that I will not go down easily. Now clear my throne room. Court is done!"

* * *

><p>"That was not the smartest thing you've ever done." Nathaniel said, coming through the doors a few moments later with Anders trailing behind him.<p>

"Yes, well few people these days would use _smart_ to describe me." Elissa replied, pacing furiously as she let the realization of what she'd done sink in.

"If they weren't aiming to kill you before, they're certainly going to come after you now." Nathaniel chastised, consumed with worry when he thought about that possibility.

"I don't know." Anders added, trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe she managed to scare a few of them off. I mean… she did just behead someone with a broadsword in the middle of court. I'd imagine even your father didn't do that sort of thing in public."

"Likely not." Nathaniel replied, displeased at the reference but agreeing all the same.

"Sorry, Commander." the skittish woman assigned as her assistant said, poking her head through the door. "There's a dwarven woman out here who wishes to speak with you."

"Who? Sigrun?" Elissa asked, wondering why they wouldn't have just sent her through.

"No, miss. She's got red hair and she's very angry." the woman replied, shaking slightly as a temperamental Elissa glared at her.

"Felsi? Ugh… Oghren, what have you done now?" Elissa sighed, rolling her eyes but pushing through the doors nonetheless. "Nathaniel, go and retrieve Oghren from wherever he's passed out if you would. If he won't move, tell him the schleets have come for his pants. That'll get him up and going."

* * *

><p>"Felsi! How wonderful to see you again!" Elissa said, plastering on her very best smile as she walked with Anders to greet the furious little woman.<p>

"Shove it, Commander. I haven't come to exchange pleasantries with the _other woman_." Felsi hissed, crossing her arms and glaring up at an exceptionally surprised Elissa. "Now where is he? I know he's here so cough him up."

"I don't know what Oghren's told you, Felsi… but I _assure_ you, our relationship is completely above board. Far, _far_ above board." Elissa insisted, jamming her elbow into Anders' side hard when he started to laugh.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Warden. I don't think you've got some sort of elicit affair going with him – I just think he'd rather follow you about killing things than take care of his family like he should." Felsi yelled, rolling her eyes. "Now where is that big bronto tur…"

"Hang onto your beard, woman!" Oghren bellowed, staggering into the room at Nathaniel's side and lumbering to a stop in front of his angry lady friend. "If this is a conjugal visit, you should be in a better mood. You know all you have to do is ask and Oghren is happy to grease the old wheel."

"That's not a good visual…" Anders grimaced, taking Elissa's glare again and watching Nathaniel just barely stifle a laugh where he stood slightly behind them.

"Don't lay a finger on me!" Felsi yelled, stepping back when he tried to grab her. "You've done a lot of stupid things on a whim, but taking off to traipse about after your precious Warden – _again_!"

"I-I thought you said joining the Wardens would be hot?" Oghren said, punctuating the thought with a mighty hiccup.

"We were role playing!" Felsi replied with a sigh.

"Hmm. Hadn't thought of that one." Anders whispered, watching Elissa struggle not to laugh. "How does it work? Does the Warden get to have a _poke_ at the Archdemon?"

"Anders!" Elissa hissed, kicking her foot back and catching Nathaniel in the shin hard enough to silence him when he couldn't contain his own laughter.

"I didn't come here on a whim, Fels – and you know it. You kicked me out." Oghren replied, pulling his hip flask off then and starting to drink as he paced.

"And that's our cue…" Elissa said, shuffling them off to the very back of the room to give the couple time to talk things out.

It was obvious things weren't going well, and it broke Elissa's heart when Felsi finally stormed out of the room leaving a beleaguered looking Oghren to collapse on a nearby stool.

"Aren't you going after her?" Elissa asked, taking a spot on the floor beside him.

"Nah, I'd just end up being hit. She's a tiny thing but she packs quite the wallop, and in that mood she'd go straight for my danglers." Oghren replied, and Elissa glared up at Nathaniel when he laughed as he and Anders came over to join them – but he just shrugged in response.

"Well, lucky for you boys I've got the cure for what ails us!" Elissa said, standing and pulling Oghren up beside her.

"Why, Commander! I didn't know you had it in you… or _wanted_ it in you, as the case may be." Anders quipped, waggling his eyebrows at her though she simply looked confused in response. "Should we go get Sigrun and see if she wants to join?"

"Of course we're getting Sigrun… wait, join what? What are you talking about?" Elissa asked, listening to the group of them starting to chuckle and finally understanding the joke. "Wow… just, wow. That's was pretty deep in the gutter even for you." She said, shaking her head as she made her way out of The Keep to track down their missing rogue. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I was talking about _killing_ not _screwing_. I'm afraid if you're looking to put anything _in_ anyone it's going to have to be pointy things in darkspawn."

"Oh well. Maybe next time." Anders shrugged, continuing to laugh.

* * *

><p>It hadn't taken very long to track down Sigrun, so the group had quickly gathered up their packs – prepped the horses – and hit the road for the Blackmarsh.<p>

Anders took Oghren on his horse and Sigrun, of course, opted to ride with Nathaniel – leaving Elissa to lead the way on her own. She passed the time watching the landscape and listening to the friendly banter of the group behind her.

"Is there some great ceremony when someone joins the Legion of the Dead?" Anders asked, honestly curious about the chipper little woman who seemed so fascinated by their gloomy archer.

"Yes, it's called a funeral." Sigrun replied, looking over to him from her spot behind Nathaniel.

"Right, but is it boring and somber like a regular funeral? I mean, you're not _actually _burying anyone..." Anders said, watching Elissa raise an eyebrow at the truth in that thought.

"This is true. Dwarven funerals involve a great deal of ale and singing." Sigrun explained, looking to Oghren for validation but realizing she'd get none as the drunken dwarf had passed out shortly after leaving The Keep. "Then there is an orgy."

"What? You're kidding!" Nathaniel snorted, turning around to glance down at her.

"Of course I'm kidding." Sigrun chuckled, wrapping her arms around him a bit tighter and patting his chest. "Though… if you're interested I could probably get one together."

"Oh, my!" Elissa laughed, kicking her horse faster and riding ahead as she watched Nathaniel turn six shades of red over her shoulder.

* * *

><p>"Beware. The Blackmarsh is haunted!" Anders read from a nearby signpost as Nathaniel and Elissa worked to secure the horses so they could move inside. "You know, when you said <em>I've got the cure for what ails you<em> I actually believed you. I should have known what you _really_ meant was _let's go explore a creepy haunted swamp_."

"Do you want me to hold your hand?" Elissa said, pouting at him to hide her smirk.

"You can hold whatever part of me you like, pretty lady." Anders said, winking at her and waggling his hips, laughing when she made a yuck face and moved away.

"Father used to tell me stories about the Blackmarsh when I was younger." Nathaniel said, clearing his throat and hoping to put a stop to that conversation before he had to listen to a second more of it. "He said evil magic killed everything here. This was just before the Orlesian rebellion, so it was a great mystery at the time."

"Your father told you stories?" Elissa asked, making a placating gesture with her hands when her laughter drew a glare out of him as his temper flared.

"This was a long time ago, when we were children." Nathaniel retorted, falling into pace with the group. "He _was_ a regular father at times, you know."

"He used to beat you for questioning him about _anything_, Nathaniel. I saw the bruises afterwards, long before you ever showed them to me voluntarily. You blamed it on Fergus, or Thomas or being clumsy… and you've _never_ been clumsy." Elissa replied, shaking her head at his continued need to defend anything about that monster and storming off ahead of the group. "That man was never a _regular_ father."

"So what was the story?" Sigrun asked, trying to keep him talking rather than storming off after Elissa and exacerbating the situation any further while Anders attempted to calm her down leaving Oghren to bring up the rear with his flask.

"They never found out what happened here. Once the monsters started to appear, the marsh was just abandoned." Nathaniel explained, watching Anders wrap an arm around her shoulders and lean in to whisper something in her ear. "I used to dream of coming to the Blackmarsh and setting things right." He thought, smiling as he remembered talking to Elissa about that very thing – years before, out on their rock above the Waking Sea. "Little boy dreams…"

"You've always wanted to be a hero then?" Sigrun said, lacing her fingers behind her back and smiling up at him. "I find that _very_ attractive."

"You are quite persistent, Sigrun." Nathaniel chuckled, smiling back at her.

"Is it working? Am I cracking your shell?" Sigrun asked, leaning in and winking at him.

"I'm sorry, you are my very favorite dwarf – however… I'm afraid my heart belongs to another." Nathaniel answered honestly, looking up to see Elissa laughing with Anders once again and hating the fact that it was so easy for the mage to pull her out of the foul mood he always seemed to leave her in.

"Oh, I'm not looking to get into your heart." Sigrun chuckled, watching Nathaniel furrow his brow down at her. "Just your pants."

"Are all dwarves so forward?" Nathaniel choked, knowing he was blushing but unable to help it.

"Are all nobles prudes?" Sigrun replied, eying him carefully. "Wait, you aren't a eunuch are you?"

"What? No! All my _parts_ are in order… Maker, what would have given you that idea?" Nathaniel gasped, looking at her curiously.

"It was my best guess other than… no, that can't be possible." Sigrun said, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. "You _have_ done it before, haven't you?"

"What? Had sex?" Nathaniel asked, laughing a little at the look on her face. "Yes. I've lain with women in the past. It's just been a… well, a very long time actually."

"How long?" Sigrun asked, looking distinctly relieved that she wasn't corrupting a virginal mind.

"Over a decade, now that I think about it." Nathaniel replied, the number seeming insane now that he said it aloud.

"You haven't lain with anyone in ten years!" Sigrun yelped, covering her mouth quickly when she realized how well sound carried across the marsh.

"Thanks for that…" Nathaniel groused, watching Elissa's eyes go wide and Anders start to laugh especially hard up ahead.

"Sorry! I just… I mean… you're way too nice to look at not to have had offers." Sigrun said, sheepishly apologizing for having exposed the details of his non-existent sex life to the entire party.

"I had offers, I just never took any of them." Nathaniel replied, eyes hanging on Elissa who continued to glance back at him every now and again.

"And you've never…" Sigrun said, tilting her head in Elissa's direction.

"Been with Elissa? No." Nathaniel shook his head, remembering their near miss. "We came close once, many years ago… but fate conspired to prevent us from actually consummating our relationship on the physical level."

"Well _that_ explains it then." Sigrun laughed, smiling at him.

"Explains what?" Nathaniel asked, not following.

"The sodding inferno of sexual tension you two generate!" Sigrun started laughing at that point, watching just how red the archer's face could get. "I've a good mind to lock you in a room together until you get it over with already."

"That's much more likely to result in one or both of us coming out bloody or not at all than in the afterglow you're imagining, I'm afraid." Nathaniel laughed sadly.

"So you've got a love, hate relationship? Can make for some pretty incredible sex from my experience." Sigrun smiled, winking at him and wiggling her eyebrows for good measure.

"If all I wanted from her was a tumble, that would make this a fairly easy problem to solve. Unfortunately – I want it to mean something. I wouldn't do it otherwise." Nathaniel replied, catching Elissa's eyes again and sighing when she pulled them away.

"Are you sure? I mean… what I'm hearing here is that you're in love with her but she's not feeling that love so much anymore. And you've gone ten years without having _anyone_ because you've been so focused on having her." Sigrun said, trying her best to get the poor man to consider his options before he resolved himself to heartache. "Have you even considered the option that maybe you just need to get laid?"

"Are you suggesting we run off into the bushes and fix all my problems?" Nathaniel laughed, shaking his head at her.

"I'm not opposed, and I promise you'd like it… but I didn't mean me, necessarily." Sigrun chuckled, patting his hand.

"I know you all think I'm crazy going on the way I do, but the fact is I _do_ love her – and I believe that we belong together. It's just this feeling I have I can't explain. It's a feeling I've always had." Nathaniel said, just watching Elissa move through the shadowy landscape ahead pulling at him in ways he couldn't begin to explain. "I desire her, very much, obviously – but the truth of the matter is if she told me we could be together, that she'd be mine tomorrow as long as we never lay together physically, I'd do it." He heard the snort of laughter from Sigrun and smirked over at her. "I'd probably explode and kill us both at some point, but I'd do it."

They both lost themselves in laughter after that. The first completely free and genuine laughter Nathaniel had allowed himself in days. It felt good to have a friend, an absurdly vulgar friend who occasionally copped a feel – but a friend nonetheless.

* * *

><p>Elissa pressed forward to the highest point she could find, eager to get a look out across the marsh to try and determine some sort of pathway forward. The landscape was difficult to travel, with the natural condition of the marsh combining into the ethereal aspects to make a messy confusing maze. Complete with blighted creatures popping out of the shadows to menace them around every turn.<p>

"Ooh, dragon bones!" Anders said, running over to inspect the massive skull as Elissa looked out over the swampy landscape.

"You know they _aren't_ actually all that fun to deal with, right?" Oghren grunted, sitting down on the ruined edge of an old house to have a drink.

"They aren't all fluffy and cuddly like kittens?" Anders quipped, rolling his eyes.

"Definitely not. They're scaly and tend to set your bits on fire." Elissa replied, seeking out and finding a large mostly complete structure at the center of the marsh that appeared to be the former ruler's manor.

"You say that as though you know it personally? Has a dragon burned your bits? Do I need to have a look?" Anders smirked, prodding at her until she glared at him.

"The Archdemon lit my calf on fire, but it's all healed up now. Thanks for the offer." Elissa replied, turning back to the group and shuffling back down the hill.

"What's this? It looks like a hole in the air itself?" Nathaniel asked, walking over to touch the shimmering green fog.

"If that's what I think it is, you shouldn't touch it." Elissa called out, watching him retract his fingers just as quickly as he'd stretched them out and sending Anders over to verify what she already knew.

"The Veil is torn." Anders said, his face worried when he turned back to them. "Whatever happened here was bad enough that it sundered parts of the actual makeup of the world."

"That's what I thought." Elissa sighed, rubbing at the bridge of her nose as she hit the bottom of the hill and headed off in the direction of the manor. "This day just keeps getting better and better…"

* * *

><p>When they reached the town square, just outside the gates to the manor's courtyard, Sigrun called her attention to the corpses of several long dead darkspawn.<p>

"It's been dead for several days, though I can't tell you _what_ killed it." Sigrun said, pointing to the markings on its face and neck.

"I can." Elissa replied, standing and arming herself. "Werewolves."

"Wait? Are we talking about _actual_ werewolves? Not the tame kind like Swiftrunner?" Anders asked, looking pretty freaked out about it.

"Dastan is no longer a werewolf, regardless of what you lot call him. If he was he'd be covered in much more fur and much less clothing." Elissa replied, annoyed that they could not seem to accept the man as anything _other_ than the cursed creature he had once been.

"So when you met him, he was naked?" Sigrun asked, interest peaked as he seemed to fit what Elissa could puzzle out to be her type. "That's a pleasant thought."

"No… when I met him he was covered in fur. When I lifted the curse, he was less furry and more… naked… which was uncomfortable for me, as you can imagine." Elissa said, knowing she was blushing and clearing her throat as she felt everyone staring at her. "And I really don't want to talk about this any longer."

"You can tell me later." Sigrun whispered with a wink.

"You could just ask him when we see him again. He's likely to just _show_ you. He's quite comfortable in his own skin…" Elissa muttered, thankful when the werewolves actually started to pop up as they worked their way up to the manor gates.

The werewolves were a difficult batch to manage, with only Elissa and Oghren having the advantage of prior knowledge and, in Oghren's case, plate armor. Werewolves were exceptionally fast, and unlike most darkspawn – very smart. They adapted to what they fought, and learned what things were the biggest threat to them or the easiest to take out.

They set on Anders almost immediately, and Nathaniel and Sigrun found themselves both spending almost all of their time simply keeping the man alive. That left Oghren and Elissa to do most of the fighting, which – considering waves of them kept pouring in whenever they'd think they were in the clear, meant they were all very exhausted in the end.

"Remind me _never_ to piss your werewolf off." Anders panted, leaning against the wall at her side and tossing back a lyrium potion.

"Probably a good idea _not_ to call him a werewolf then. He's got a temper like Nathaniel's." Elissa snipped, turning away from both of them to shake at several different gates when the locks wouldn't open. "Only option is further into the marsh. None of the gates to the manor are pick-able."

The further they went into the marsh, the more numerous the tears in The Veil became. It became apparent that they were being corralled in a specific direction, and that was very unsettling to Elissa. She met Nathaniel's eyes across the group, and knew he had already picked up the same thing.

"You've noticed it too?" Nathaniel asked, falling in at her side.

"That we're being led. Absolutely." Elissa replied with a nod, pointing out the increase in the number of darkspawn corpses. "Just not sure by what yet."

At the top of the next hill, they found a large pile of darkspawn corpses and what appeared to be an abandoned campsite.

"This might have been Kristoff's camp, but if it was he's been gone for days." Nathaniel said, standing up from where he'd crouched to inspect the fire pit for any signs of life.

"Wherever he's gone, I don't think it was voluntary." Elissa said, tossing something up for Nathaniel to catch and inspect. "He wouldn't have left that behind."

It was a locket with a picture of a beautiful blonde woman inside. Nathaniel assumed, as Elissa had, that this was the wife whose letters she had found.

"From what I can make out of the tracks here, he headed off up the plateau in that direction." Nathaniel said, tucking the locket into his pack for safekeeping. "The landscape is muddy, but… the tracks are definitely there."

"You're seeing more than I am so you should lead. I can't make anything out in this muck." Elissa admitted, waving him in front of her and falling in at his shoulder as they pressed further into the hills.

At the top of the plateau Nathaniel had mentioned, they recognized the odd egg-like pods of the Children grouped in pulsing clumps around the edge.

A couple of them started to open as they passed nearby, prompting Anders into action.

"I don't think so." He huffed, popping off several fireballs and cringing when the screams and disgustingly juicy pops of the exploding Children started to sound off around them.

In the center of the clearing ahead, lay a lone body. Nathaniel saw Elissa's face drop as she recognized the Grey Warden heraldry on the nearby shield and dashed over to check the man for any signs of what might have happened to him.

"He's only been dead three or four days." Elissa said, covering her face with her hands where she crouched.

"Elissa, you couldn't have prevented this." Nathaniel insisted, knowing where her mind was already headed.

"Couldn't I? Four days! If we'd come here first…" Elissa replied, standing up and starting to pace in frustration.

"It would mean you would be back with The Mother already." A voice said, and Elissa watched as a large group of darkspawn and one talker appeared from the brush around them.

The group of Wardens armed themselves, but they were packed together too closely and could do nothing more than stand there and wait.

"The Mother told me that if I lured one of yours to this place and slayed him, you would come. And The Mother, she was right. She is _always_ right." The talker said, pacing closer and speaking directly to Elissa.

"I have had dreams of your, Mother." Elissa replied, and she could see both Nathaniel and Anders' eyes flicker over to hers in surprise.

"And The Mother, she is having dreams of you Warden-Commander. She knows what it is that you are doing to her Children. She knows that you work with The Father to silence the song." The talker continued, grinning at her.

"I do not know who The Father is, but I silenced your song when I killed the Archdemon." Elissa insisted, wondering if whatever altered them had also driven them mad.

"That is what you believe, but the song – it calls to us still, from a new body. Only the chosen can no longer hear its beautiful music." The talker continued, pacing as he spoke.

"A new body?" Elissa asked, eyes going wide when she realized the implications. "Morrigan!"

"I do not know this Morrigan. I only know The Mother. It is she who sent me. She who wanted you to come to this place." The talker said, spreading out his arms. "I… here before you is The First." He tapped his chest and leaned in toward her. "I am bringing to you a message."

"Then deliver it before I decide to shut you up early." Elissa hissed, steeling her spine and mustering up all of the intimidation she could manage in light of their precarious situation.

"Ha! The Mother has told us of your arrogance. We almost did not believe. But here The Warden stands tossing idle threats even though she's already lost." The First chuckled, reaching for something slowly. "The Mother, she is not permitting you to further _his_ plan. Whether you know this or not."

Elissa saw the flashes of green beginning as whatever he held traveled from behind his back, to in front of his chest. Tendrils of energy crept up his arms and reached out into the world beyond.

"Run! All of you run!" Elissa yelled, turning panicked eyes to Nathaniel and hoping that he would listen and somehow manage to convince the others to follow him.

She loosed her blades then and charged forward, making every effort to give the others what few moments she could to allow their escape.

After that, there was only the darkness.

* * *

><p>"Nathaniel! Come back to bed! It's cold without you!" Elissa called, blankets bunched up around her from where she lay in the bed behind him.<p>

"If I come back to bed before seeing to the fire, it's really going to be cold!" Nathaniel chuckled, tossing another log into the hearth before making his way back over to her.

"I'm sure you can come up with _other_ ways to keep us warm." she smiled, poking a long leg out of the side of the blankets and running it up the inside of his thigh.

"Aren't you sated yet?" he smirked, leaning in to kiss against her ankle and then her knee as he made his way back underneath the blankets to join with her.

"I shall never be sated when it comes to you, my love." Elissa laughed, the sound sultry and rich from between her parted lips as he ran his hands over her body.

"Nor I when it comes to you." Nathaniel echoed, unable to contain the bliss he felt at lying with her this way, arms and legs tangled together as he covered every inch of skin he could see with feather light kisses.

He worked his way down her chest; stopping near her shoulder to be certain not to avoid the scars she held from the arrows she had taken lest she think he found them hard to look upon. But the skin there was flawless, smooth and pale as it had been in their youth.

"What's wrong?" she asked, feeling his hesitation as he ran his thumbs over the perfect skin and searched his mind to remember why he'd been certain they would be there.

"Your scars are gone?" he answered, eyes darting up to hers to find confusion.

"Scars? What scars?" Elissa questioned, brow wrinkling. "I have a scar in my thigh where Fergus got me with that practice sword years ago, but there were never any scars near my shoulder."

"There were… I _know_ there were." Nathaniel whispered, stroking at the skin and struggling even harder for the memory. "I saw you take one of the arrows that scarred you. I was standing right there when the Hurlock let the arrow loose in Kal'Hirol."

"Hurlocks? Kal'Hirol?" she laughed, reaching out to check him for fever. "Nathaniel, are you ill?"

"I'm not ill, Elissa. Perhaps I was dreaming but…" he started, closing his eyes for a moment and trying to refocus himself. "No, it was _too_ real. I know it happened. Which means this… _this_ is the illusion."

"You don't think I'm real?" Elissa laughed, holding his eyes for a moment as she tugged him into the cradle of her body. "Give me a moment and I can _prove_ to you how real I am."

"I have no doubt that you're real, or that I'd probably enjoy it while you sucked the life out of me." Nathaniel insisted, tugging himself free of her grasp. "But whatever you are, you aren't Elissa."

"You mortals. So content to languish in your own misery." the thing wearing Elissa's face said, voice changing as it gave up the ruse. "I could have offered you pleasure beyond your wildest imagination, but you would rather have the torment that this one offers you."

"I would rather have the reality than the dream, yes." he replied, looking around the false room in search of a weapon, as he'd no idea what had happened to his own. "I have lived with the dream for too long. Even if the reality is pain, it's better than a lie."

"If it is pain you desire, then it is pain I will give you." the creature hissed, tossing back the sheets and advancing on him.

He struggled against it, fighting to keep it at arm's length until he could get his hand around the hilt of the blade he'd found mounted on a nearby wall. The creature was so focused on getting at him, it didn't notice the blade pressed into its side until it was too late to do anything but scream up at him – twisting Elissa's face into a mask of pain and betrayal.

The form shifted and reformed after that, finally settling down into the body of the Desire Demon that it actually was and crumpling to the floor at his feet. Everything around him started to change soon after – fading and twisting until he was standing in the open landscape of The Fade's version of the Blackmarsh.

He looked down at himself, now fully dressed in his armor with his bow at his back, as it had been when he'd lost consciousness. Were it not for the shifting movement of the dreamscape and the demon corpse at his feet, he'd almost believe that everything had all been in his imagination.

From where he stood, he could find no signs of any of his company – but knew enough from his experience to know that wherever they were, they were likely being menaced by something similar.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel pressed forward through the landscape of The Fade, listening to the haunting sounds of the scattered souls trapped in torment throughout the twisted dreamscape of the Blackmarsh. There was nothing for him to track here. No way of telling which direction he should go to search out those who were missing. The only thing that seemed to stick out as distinctly <em>not<em> a part of the actual Blackmarsh he remembered was a thick circle of trees at the base of the hill below. Something about them was distinct and very familiar.

He made his way down, watching the dreamscape shift and change as he moved further in – becoming less marsh and more forest. Eventually he found himself moving out of the tree line and into a clearing, a clearing with a large blue lagoon.

At the edge of the lagoon stood Elissa, just as she had so many times before. She'd discarded her weapons and armor in a pile on the ground and stood in her leggings and chemise, hair down loose on her shoulders, staring out over the water and waiting for whatever was to come.

"Elissa?" Nathaniel called out, easing himself closer to her just in case she turned out to be another demon in disguise.

"I half wondered who you'd choose this time." Elissa chuckled, the laughter tired and infinitely sad. "You could have just as easily gone with Alistair. Though, you've played the part of Nathaniel in this dream for so long I suppose it would be silly to change it now." She turned to him as she spoke, looking him over with a careful eye. "The upgrade is new though. You normally go for twenty year old, Nate. Did you get bored?"

"Upgrade? I-I…" he answered, starting to realize that not only did she believe him to be a demon, but she'd had this experience before – enough times not to be surprised by it at all. "Elissa, it's _me_. It's Nathaniel."

"Yes, yes… you're Nathaniel. Love of my life, horrible aching wound that never heals no matter how many times I try to stitch it." she sighed, walking over to him and pulling his bow loose to toss it to the ground, then taking his pack and quiver. "I know the routine. You don't have to act it out. We both know how it ends. We do this thing that we do, and then I kill you." she started to work on the buckles of his armor after that, and it dawned on him that she intended to undress him. "Now, if you don't mind, can we just skip the whole talking bit and just move onto the good parts. I could use the release and my friends aren't going to rescue themselves while I stand here chatting with you."

"Elissa, really, I'm _Nathaniel_." he said again, watching her roll her eyes as she got the upper half of his armor off and moved on to the lower, swallowing at the sight of her breasts as she knelt on the ground in front of him.

"My, but you're a persistent one. Alright, if it makes you feel better keep talking while I get the rest of this off." Elissa replied, shaking her head.

It only took a few more moments for her to get his lower armor off. His leathers were similar enough to her own that she was exceptionally familiar with the buckles making it very easy for her to work them loose. Once he was free of his armor, she stood again, tugging at his linen undershirt and pulling it over his head – tracing her hands over the bare skin of his chest.

"This is such a bad idea…" Nathaniel mumbled, feeling himself start to fully react to her touch, sucking in his breath when she lowered her mouth to suck at his neck as she worked on the front of his pants.

"Of course it is." she mumbled against his neck. "It's a horrible idea making any sort of deal with a desire demon. You should probably be taking advantage of my horrible lapse in judgment before I change my mind and just kill you and go off to find my friends."

Her hand dipped inside the waist of his pants after that, and he lost any ability he'd had to argue further. It was, he knew, a horrible idea. At some point Elissa was going to realize that he wasn't a demon but exactly who he'd tried to warn her he was, and then she was more likely to be angry than anything.

As he felt the last of his clothing drop to the forest floor, and watched Elissa start to strip herself down, he hoped she'd realize it _before_ she killed him – though, knowing her temper she'd likely kill him anyway.

He kissed her then, running his hands up into her hair and tugging her body into the curve of his own. He heard her breathing amp up, the little moans and hisses when he'd run his teeth along her skin or stroke his fingertips over a particularly sensitive area as he lowered her to the ground.

She was rushing him, wrapping her strong legs around his waist and pulling him into the apex of her thighs as she slid her tongue between his lips and tugged at his hair. But this was likely to be the one and only time he was ever with her, be it in the metaphysical world of The Fade and under the guise of a demon or not, and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to take his time and enjoy it.

Elissa fought him for awhile, but eventually gave in to his gentle but persistent ministrations – falling back against the earth and arching against him. He explored every inch of her body, knowing it wasn't a perfect duplicate as he'd never seen most of her unclothed – but not caring. She was still beautiful and perfect and in that moment completely his.

When he could take the anticipation of it no longer, he kissed his way back up her body – lingering above her and taking her face in his hands.

"Open your eyes." Nathaniel insisted, kissing her softly and waiting for her to obey his request.

When she did, when she'd locked her emerald eyes onto the silver of his own, he pressed forward – joining them together in every way. There was an intense wave of pleasure, and completion, and he watched it dawn on her who he actually was.

"You are no demon." Elissa sighed, biting at her lip and moaning when he started to move again.

He saw the battle waging within her then. The tug of war between desire and fury, between throwing him off her and just giving into it. He also saw it when desire won, when she simply couldn't fight it any more – taking his face in her own hands and kissing him back as he established a steady pace for them.

The Fade was not reality, and as such there was no physical climax for them to reach – no over stimulated body parts or pent up wells of desire to rush them to a conclusion. This could take as much or as little time as they wanted it to, and Nathaniel was determined to have it last as long as possible.

He moved as slowly as he could manage, holding her eyes as he ran his hands over her legs, her arms, every inch he could manage. She explored him much the same, grazing his skin with the delicate touch of her nails on his back and his chest – digging her heels into his thighs or lower back.

They didn't speak. There was no need for language. What they were doing was far beyond something as simple and mundane as sex, and even more intimate than making love. They could feel the cracks being filled in, the damage repairing, the massive scars and gaping wounds left behind by their tortured pasts and tormented present being healed as they came together after all that time.

When they finally did reach the pinnacle of whatever bliss they had been chasing, it was phenomenally powerful, an earth shattering crescendo that shook the very world around them. Elissa cried out first, eyes rolling back in her head as she arched against the ground, and Nathaniel followed soon after, pressing his lips against her shoulder in an attempt to stifle his own cry of release.

They were reluctant to separate even after, sharing lingering kisses and trailing their fingers over still bare skin. It was then that Nathaniel realized they'd both started crying somewhere along the line. Stroking a tear away from her cheek as she did the same for him. There was no need to hold any of it back, no need to pretend it wasn't there. They mourned as they lingered, accepting what they'd lost with every kiss, knowing what they'd never have with every touch.

Their lives would never be simple. They'd never simply live out the dream of perfect happiness. If they chose to travel this path together, it would always be just as likely to break them as it was to heal – and they both knew that now. They also knew, without a doubt, that what was between them was still very much alive – and very real. Whether Elissa would admit that in the clear light of day, whether she would ever say the words he wanted to hear – Nathaniel did not know, but it no longer mattered. She loved him still, and she could no longer deny that with any sort of validity.

* * *

><p>The demons of The Fade hadn't even bothered to try to fool Anders, simply leaving him to wander about the exceptionally confusing landscape of the mirrored Blackmarsh in search of any of his missing companions.<p>

He'd started to give up hope and simply sat down to wait for someone else to find him, when he heard Elissa cry out through a dense tree line just ahead of him.

"Well _someone's_ having a good time…" Anders muttered, sighing as he stood. "Whelp… off to kill the desire demon and rescue the girl."

He strolled through the trees leisurely, not at all worried about a single desire demon – especially since he knew Elissa well enough at this point to understand that she'd be easy to convince of what it really was.

When he came through the forest into the center, he saw the two of them – Nathaniel and Elissa – tangled together on the ground, clothes and armor and weapons strewn about the ground nearby. He searched for any signs of demonic presence, but quickly realized that _neither_ of them were demons – meaning he had unwittingly stumbled into something he should absolutely not be witnessing. He tried to back away, but it was too late – Nathaniel's hearing was far too good, and so he just turned his face to the side when Elissa followed his gaze over to where the mage now stood.

"Shit! Anders!" Elissa hissed, shoving the archer off of her and scrambling behind him to gather up her clothing.

Nathaniel, for his part, just pressed his face into the ground for a moment and sighed.

"Can you give us a minute?" Nathaniel asked, pulling his face back up to glance at the mage while Elissa muttered and tugged on her clothing frantically in the background.

"S-sure…" Anders replied, disappearing back out of the tree line and waiting for them in uncomfortable silence.

Nathaniel got up then, dressing himself as he watched Elissa pull back inside her shell just as quickly as she pulled back on her armor. Whatever they'd revealed to each other moments before, shoved back down to be ignored and denied once again.

"We're going to have to talk about this at some point. You do realize that?" Nathaniel asked, tossing his bow over his shoulder and falling in behind her as she stalked off in search of the mage.

She didn't reply, didn't acknowledge him at all simply pressed ahead through the forest and out to the other side where Anders waited for them. The mage stood quickly when she came barreling out of the trees, sharing a quick glare with Nathaniel when he followed shortly after.

"You know, I'm all for oiling the machine to keep all the parts working right, and Maker knows you two have been working up to this for awhile – but I find it hard to believe that either one of you thought it was a good idea to have a go at each other while we're stuck in mortal peril." Anders said, looking from one to the other and waiting for an answer.

"I thought he was a demon." Elissa offered by way of explanation.

"And what? You decided to have a tumble anyway? You're not that hard up, Elissa." Anders snorted, rolling his eyes. "At some point you had to have realized he wasn't a demon." The mage flicked his glare over to Nathaniel. "And _you_, I'm sure you knew the truth of it all along."

"I did _try_ to tell her I wasn't a demon. She just wouldn't listen." Nathaniel retorted, glaring off into the dreamscape.

"You didn't try very hard." Elissa grumbled, glaring over at him and watching him flick his eyes back over to hers in irritation. "Just a couple of _it's me Elissa, it's Nathaniel's_ and you were ready to have at it. The demons say that too you know."

"Wait! What? Are you saying you've done this _before_?" Anders asked, grabbing her arm and turning her toward him. "You've let a demon have you just because they wore his face?" She didn't deny it, simply stared back at him. "Elissa… that kind of thing… it messes you up inside." Anders whispered, concern eating away at his anger. "Honestly, the relationship between you two is way more twisted than I ever could have imagined."

She tugged her arm away after that, stomping ahead of them and leaving the two to glare at each other in silent rage for awhile before deciding to follow behind.

* * *

><p>Neither Sigrun nor Oghren were being menaced by anything when the others found them. Oghren had passed out to take a nap, having finished off his flask and seen no sign of the others. Sigrun had killed whatever demons had menaced her, though she showed no desire to speak of what she had seen. Elissa was content to leave her the secret, not really wishing to talk of her own trials either.<p>

Anders and Nathaniel continued to toss hateful glares at one another as they navigated through the spectral landscape of The Fade, pressing forward toward the manor at the town's center down in the valley ahead.

Eventually they caught back up with an equally frustrated First, the talker traveling through the confusing landscape with a collection of darkspawn drones and Children heading in the same direction as them.

"That bomb didn't really work out the way you thought it would, huh?" Elissa snorted, smirking at him as she walked down the hill to where he stood. "Your name must not come from being the _first_ in your class, I take it."

"The Mother, she deceived me! I am betrayed!" the creature hissed, stomping around in a fury. "Now I am trapped in The Fade with _you_! I am the fool!"

"Then help us get back and we can take revenge together." Elissa tried, having no understanding of how they'd managed to get there and thinking their chances of getting out together were much stronger than alone.

"The Warden-Commander is wishing to join forces? Do not be making me laugh!" the creature chuckled, its milky eyes rolling back in its twisted face. "I will be finding my own path back to the real world. I do not need you to reach The Mother."

"Fine, death it is." Elissa replied, pulling free her blades and advancing on it – cut off by the waves of Children and Genlocks he sent in so that he could scurry off toward the Manor below.

They cut down the Children and darkspawn drones, pressing forward down the slope toward the town at the heart of the marsh.

"Do you really think joining forces with the darkspawn is wise?" Nathaniel asked, breaking her focus with the sound of his voice – more grating than normal to her in light of what they'd done.

"What would you suggest I do, Nathaniel? I'm open to suggestions as I've no idea how we got here and even less of a clue how to get us back." Elissa replied, marching forward without even turning to acknowledge him.

"You said you'd been in The Fade before, how did you get out then?" Nathaniel questioned, refusing to be put off by the cold air of indifference she was trying to give off to him.

"There were puzzles and a Sloth Demon that pulled us in. It was distinctly different than this. I've no idea what _this_ even is." Elissa said, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. "My best guess is that whatever The First used opened one of the tears already in The Veil and sucked us through. I've no idea how to undo that though. So, best plan I can offer is head up to that Manor and hope something there can get us out."

"Elissa, stop. Just stop a second." Nathaniel insisted, reaching over to touch her arm and drag her to a standstill.

"What? What do you want from me?" Elissa hissed, glaring up at him.

"I want you to stop pretending that we aren't meant to be together." Nathaniel retorted, glaring back at her – quickly losing the patience to reason with her as he'd originally intended.

"And I want you to let go of this ridiculous notion that what we're _meant_ to be has any bearing on our reality!" Elissa replied, yanking her arm away. "It would appear that neither of us are destined to get what we want."

* * *

><p>Elissa tried gate after gate into the town square, able to hear voices from within but unable to find any way inside to reach them. There was only one path left to try, winding back around the edge of the grounds and into the crumbling landscape of an old crypt.<p>

She could hear sobbing as they came around the corner, and looked to find a woman kneeling near what appeared to be a recent grave.

"You… you're not a spirit like everyone else." the woman said, wiping away her tears and looking fearfully at the armed group approaching her. "How did you get here?"

"I could ask you the same question." Elissa replied, getting an odd feeling from the woman that made her wary. She was not at all what she seemed to be.

"This is where my grandfather's ashes are buried. I come here often." the woman replied, folding her arms over her chest. "He was the last person to stay in the Blackmarsh. Once he died, there was no one left who remembered."

"Who remembered? Remembered what?" Anders asked, moving forward to Elissa's side – absolutely certain at that point that this woman was actually a demon but willing to play along until she gave them any information she could offer.

"Remembered what happened to the village, of course. It was full of people once, but then that evil woman came and changed everything… She…" the woman continued, stopping with wide eyes and turning their attention to the skeletons rising from the nearby graves in the middle of her thought. "Oh no! They've come back again. Come, quickly! Inside the crypt!"

She ducked through the door after that, leaving them to beat down the few skeletons gathered around them before darting inside the door.

"So, we agree that's a demon, right?" Anders asked, looking around for the nods of verification from all the others.

"Absolutely. But it probably knows how to get inside the gates. We'll just kill it after we find out." Elissa replied, pressing on through the twisting halls lined with coffins to find the woman who had disappeared upon entry.

When they finally got to her, she was leaning against an old shrine – grinning at them hungrily as they made their way down the small set of stairs and into the dead end chamber where she'd led them.

"And so you came. Fell into my little trap." the woman laughed, strolling up to Elissa with a grin – running her eyes over Sigrun, Oghren and Anders and finally settling them on Nathaniel at her side. "So full of yearnings. So full of _hunger_."

"I didn't come here to chat, demon. I just want to know how to get into the gates that bar us from the Manor." Elissa grumbled, pulling out her swords so that the thing would understand her to be serious.

"Now, now… there's no need for violence. Not when I have so much to offer." The woman laughed, turning from Nathaniel over to her.

"There is nothing you have that we want except information." Anders insisted, happy to have both of the dwarves at his sides as both Elissa and Nathaniel seemed to be faltering at the moment.

"You, perhaps not." The woman shrugged, glancing at him for a brief second before turning back to the two in front of her – reaching out her hands to touch their faces. "But _these_… oh, how can you not _feel_ it?" she smiled, running her tongue over her bottom lip as she ushered them closer together. "You've been together, here on this plane already. I can taste it on you. I can give you that feeling forever. You'll never tire, never thirst, and never hunger for anything but each other. I can give you unending carnal bliss and I would feed forever."

Anders could see them faltering, their willpower failing in the face of whatever the demon's touch was pumping into them – their resolve already weakened by their earlier encounter. Elissa's blades clattered to the floor as Nathaniel reached for her, tugging her forward into the circle of his arms again and pressing his lips against her throat.

"Not today." Anders cried, pulling the heaviest hitting spell he could muster into his hands and flinging it at the demon – sending it sailing across the room where it smacked against the wall on the other side.

It didn't kill her, but it was enough to break the spell – sending Elissa and Nathaniel staggering apart, confused and embarrassed and struggling to recover quickly enough to take out the exceptionally angry demon now advancing on them all.

When she'd finally fallen, Elissa hung her head in shame – waiting for everyone to trail out of the room and give her a moment to recover.

"Thank you, Anders. I'm sorry you had to do that." Elissa sighed; knowing he'd stayed behind though the others had gone. "I don't know what happened there. I'm usually much better at resisting."

"You really don't understand what you did choosing to join with Nathaniel like that, do you?" Anders asked, watching her eyes turn up to catch his own.

"I know what sex is, Anders." Elissa replied, rolling her eyes. "I have had it before."

"But you didn't have _sex_ with Nathaniel, that's what I'm trying to explain to you. There are no bodies here, no physical forms to push and pull against each other." Anders continued, his face more stern and serious than she had ever seen it. "What you did was bind yourselves together on a metaphysical level. For all intensive purposes, you merged your souls. There are pieces of him inside of you now that will never go away – and vice versa. What you did was no simple rutting. It has altered you both, _permanently_. You can never take it back."

He watched her collapse, moving forward just fast enough to catch her before she simply folded down to the floor.

"I'm sorry, Elissa. I know you've been fighting it, and I know you are still trying to work through your feelings for The King… but if you weren't tied to Nathaniel before, you certainly are now." Anders said, stroking her hair as she started to sob against his shoulder.


	11. Chapter 11: Theory of a Deadman

_Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale._

_**A/N:** Sorry for the unusual delay in updates (for me anyway)! As I noted I am traveling for the holidays and as such my time for writing/editing/posting is a bit more sporadic than it would normally be. It will continue to be a bit more spread out until I return home again in December. Fear not, I have not nor do I have any intention of abandoning my stories and will update as often as I can :-)_

_I know I gave you guys a bit of a cliffhanger with the last chapter, and I wrestled with this one a bit ultimately dividing it into this one (which will finish off the Blackmarsh) and another which is still in progress. Here's hoping it was worth the wait!_

_Muse Music: Stripped by Shiny Toy Guns (originally recorded by Depeche Mode)._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! Love hearing from you guys! Special thanks to my Lady Beta **artemiskat** who was extra patient with my neurotic muse on this one:-)_

_Happy reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Eleven: Theory of a Deadman<strong>_

When Elissa and Anders emerged from the dead end, they both looked shaken and it was obvious that Elissa had been crying. Nathaniel attempted to stop her and ask what had happened, but was cut off by Anders before he could reach her.

"Let it go for now." Anders insisted, steadily holding the archer's eyes and making it clear it was not a request but a directive.

"Get out of my way, _mage_." Nathaniel growled, trying to step around him only to be cut off again when Anders shifted his weight to move back into his path.

"No. I'm not going to step aside and let you muck things up more than you already have. You did enough damage for the day with that little game you ran back in the forest." Anders hissed, glaring at him and refusing to move.

"Game? It wasn't a game." Nathaniel retorted, glaring back at him.

"Do you ever actually _think _with that thick head of yours, or are you content to go barreling through life like a bronto in a kitchen, smashing anything in your way in order to get at what you want?" Anders asked, rubbing at his face in frustration. "Do you know anything about The Fade at all? About what we are when we're here in this form?"

"Speak clearly and quickly. You already know I have very little patience for your rants." Nathaniel hissed, leaning in to menace him further.

"You should have waited a little longer to attempt to sate your decade of self-imposed celibacy, Nathaniel." Anders continued, shaking his head. "You should have waited for her to decide to come to you, instead of forcing this on her like you have."

"Forcing? I didn't force myself on her!" Nathaniel growled, shoving him hard against the soft dirt wall at his back. "I would _never_ do that to Elissa! I would never do that to anyone!"

"I can see that I'm not explaining this clearly. Ugh… this is why non-mages should _never_ be allowed to wander about in The Fade." Anders sighed, pushing the angry archer away and trying to continue. "What I'm saying is you should never have lain with her, not like this, not here on this plane."

"What? Why not?" Nathaniel asked, suddenly very confused and more than a little worried at the look on the other man's normally relaxed features. "Is it even real if we have sex here? Has it even actually happened?"

"Do you know what a soul is? Do you have a grasp on that concept?" Anders asked, wrinkling his brow.

"I'm not stupid, Anders. Get to the point." Nathaniel groused, narrowing his eyes.

"What you did, tumbling about on the ground in the imaginary forest, has merged yours with hers. They're all mixed in together now, linked… permanently." Anders explained, looking for more words as the archer seemed even more confused than he had been before.

"What are you saying?" Nathaniel asked, trying to understand – not certain he wanted to.

"I'm saying you've got what you wanted, in a twisted kind of way. Though it may not be what you bargained for." Anders said, watching the realization sink into the other man. "She's not happy about it. You've backed her into a corner, and from what I know about Elissa at this stage – that's never going to be a good thing."

Nathaniel stepped away then, trying to process his thoughts – to reach some kind of level area where he could attempt to make sense of what the mage had told him.

Elissa was going to be more furious than ever now, and when he thought about it – he realized she had every right to be. He should have fought harder to make her see that it was him and not a demon that came to her, and he knew that now. Regardless of how happy a part of him was to have joined himself to her in such a way, he also knew enough about their fragile relationship to understand that this could only make reconciliation more difficult to achieve.

She was a woman who didn't like having her options taken away. She didn't like being forced in any direction, regardless of whether she reached where she was ultimately supposed to be in the end. She tended to get frustrated and push back even more violently when pressured in such a way. Nathaniel had seen that time and time again in their youth, and saw hints of it even now in their adulthood. He could not have stacked the deck against him more strongly if he'd tried.

If he'd wanted to send her running right back into Alistair's arms, even if it was only to reclaim the freedom that he'd taken from her, then he was absolutely certain he'd done it.

* * *

><p>Elissa trudged forward, up out of the crypt and into the graveyard within the walls of The Fade's version of the marsh village. She was happy that everyone in her traveling party seemed to have lapsed into silence. Whether it was from shock, drunkenness, fear of her mood or the simple desire not to speak to her at all – she didn't care. So long as her indiscretions in The Fade were never spoken of again, she'd be happy.<p>

"Halt! Who enters the Blackmarsh?" a guardsman said, darting forward with sword in hand as the group emerged into the town square.

"We are Grey Wardens, trapped here with some sort of magic bomb." Elissa replied, searching for the words to offer some sort of explanation and hoping that would suffice.

"Trapped? Then you're no better than we are. Locked in this endless nightmare." the guardsman sighed, shaking his head. "We've been here so long, at _her_ mercy. I've almost forgotten what it was like before."

"Her mercy? Do you mean The Mother?" Elissa asked, hoping that somehow - for once - it actually would turn out to be that simple.

"No. The Baroness? She hides away in her manor while we waste away outside." The guardsman explained, gesturing to the large crowd gathered in front of the manor's main gates. "There is a Spirit at the gates now. He claims he's come to free us. Perhaps you can help him and free yourselves in the process."

"It's the best shot we've got." Elissa shrugged, looking at the masses and picking out the spectral form of the one she guessed to be the Spirit to which the guardsman referred.

"The mansion will not protect you fiend! Come out and face your crime!" the Spirit cried, raising his fists as his voice boomed out over the anxious sea of faces behind him. He turned as Elissa and her companions worked their way to his side, inspecting their faces with his glowing eyes. "And who comes now? More minions of The Baroness or more helpless souls she has tormented?"

"I'm not _exactly_ a helpless soul, but neither am I a friend of this Baroness." Elissa answered, trying to peer through the front gate and get a look at the manor inside.

"I am Justice. I have watched this place for a very long time and seethed at the wrongs visited on these poor folk." the Spirit explained, turning with her to eye the mansion. "Now I seek to aid them."

"We have to help these people. They're trapped here in this grey horrible world just like us." Sigrun said, grimacing as she looked across the sea of people and their age old torment. The perky dwarf had not been the same since whatever she had experienced upon their entry to the dream realm, and it was clear that this new dilemma was only wearing further on her already fragile resolve.

"I hate to say it, but if this Baroness trapped these people here – then she's probably our best option to get back out." Anders offered, shrugging his shoulders when the Spirit glared at him with its beady little eyes. "What? It's simple logic! It's not as if I'm _supporting_ whatever she did to get them here."

"Tell me, stranger. Will you help us in this righteous task?" Justice asked, ignoring the mage in favor of the woman who seemed to be in charge. "The Baroness and her minions are powerful, but your group looks to be an able sort. Your aid would be most welcome."

"I need to find a way out of The Fade." Elissa explained, turning back from the gate to look at him. "Whether it's with the Baroness or through her, I don't particularly care at this point. So… if you can get us out, then by all means, let's storm the castle."

"Out of…" Justice said, confused for a moment before he realized that they were simply another group of mortals trapped within. "Ah, I see. You come from the realm of mortals, as these fine people once did. Was it the Baroness who brought you here as well?"

"No, my current nemesis is apparently calling herself The Mother… though, for all I know they _could_ be one in the same." Elissa replied with a shrug.

"Then the injustice of your own situation underscores why these people must be avenged!" Justice insisted, stepping closer to her. "I do not know how to cross The Veil back into your world, and I will not lie and tell you otherwise. However, if you help us now, I promise you that I will help you search for the answers you require."

"Good enough for me." Elissa replied, pulling free her blades. "Just point us at whatever needs the killing."

"With your help, we have the strength we need to challenge the Baroness directly." Justice answered with a smile she could hear in his words.

"So, we're going to ice this foul cake by going to poke about at an evil sorceress?" Anders whispered, easing up beside her. "I don't think it's a very good idea to antagonize angry witches."

"Aw. I've antagonized plenty and I'm still here. Besides, can this really get _worse_?" Elissa smirked, watching him shake his head that she'd actually said those words.

"Why did you say that? Did you _have_ to say that?" Anders sighed, pulling loose his staff as the rest of the masses started to arm themselves. "You may as well have said,_ hello in there angry witch person! Could you curse me with a second head or boils, perhaps a tail?_"

"A tail might not be so bad. Is it prehensile? Could it swing a sword?" Elissa smirked, winking at him and trying to calm his nerves.

"You're a very disturbed individual. I hope you know that." Anders replied, unable to stop himself from laughing.

"There you go flirting again! Well hands off, my pretty mage! I've no more soul bits to share today." Elissa sighed, laughing at her misery as it was the only thing she could do.

"You keep your soul bits to yourself, Lady. I like mine just as it is, unburdened." Anders retorted, laughing back at her.

* * *

><p>They powered forward through the gate after that. The mass of assembled bodies more than enough to crash through the supports once the Wardens added their heft to the bulk. The entire cavalcade came to a roaring angry mass just beneath the balcony where the Baroness and several Ash Wraiths stood waiting.<p>

"My, my. All that shouting outside and now you've decided to come barging in without a proper invitation." The Baroness snipped, the lilt of her Orlesian accent dripping venom from every syllable.

"Foul sorceress! You will release these good folk and submit yourself to justice!" The Spirit bellowed, drawing an annoyed eye roll from Anders whom Elissa elbowed quickly in the side to keep him from adding to their troubles.

"Justice? Is that what you're calling this?" the Baroness sneered, folding her arms over her chest. "What then of _their_ punishment? What shall you give them for burning my home to the ground and me in it!"

"You were stealing our children! Using their blood to power your foul spells and retain your youth!" one of the villagers cried out, inciting even more anger in the mob around them.

"Aaaand the Fade Spirit moves ahead of the insane blood mage! Who could have called it?" Elissa whispered to Anders, gladly taking the swat he gave her in response and sharing a subtle smile.

"It was my due! You lived on _my_ land! Your blood was mine as your lives are now!" The Baroness bellowed, leaning forward to ensure her voice carried across the angry shouts of the crowd.

"Their blood was never yours! And their lives are yours no longer!" Nathaniel yelled, turning a stunned Elissa from her discussion with Anders to see how infuriated the entitled woman had made him. "Being a noble does not mean that you destroy the lives of those you're meant to protect!"

"Well something got stuck in his craw…" Anders quipped, watching the look in Elissa's eyes flicker slowly between awe and respect as she saw a side of the him she'd never seen before, a side that his father had probably worked very hard to destroy.

"What's this? These pathetic fools have managed to recruit _more_ sympathizers?" The Baroness hissed, leaning down over the balcony and taking in Nathaniel with an appreciative eye. "Pretty… but hardly a concern."

"We are no longer alone!" the Spirit bellowed, bolstered by Nathaniel's passionate declaration. "Your reign ends here, Baroness!"

"Bravo, Spirit! Truly you've outdone yourself this time." The Baroness replied, mocking him with her applause as she motioned to the shadows where something stood awaiting her instructions. "But, as it happens, _I_ am no longer alone either."

"My path across The Veil lies in victory over you, Warden-Commander." The First hissed, his milky stare seeking out and finding Elissa in the crowd, "Then, The Mother will pay for her treachery."

"Ah, so _this_ is your Warden-Commander?" The Baroness questioned, inspecting Nathaniel even more closely after missing the look that her new companion tossed through the crowd. "I had no idea he'd be so… _appetizing_. I might just have to keep him for myself, if there's anything left once we're done here."

Nathaniel started to respond, fighting down both the urge to shoot an arrow right into her arrogant forehead along with an equally strong wave of revulsion at her obvious flirtation. The woman represented everything that was wrong with nobility, and everything that had consumed his own father. In this woman he saw a means to an end. A way to finally put his father to rest, and to end the control the man still seemed to wield in his life once and for all.

Before he could speak, he saw a blur of movement from the corner of his eye, and suddenly Elissa was standing in front of him. He could see the waves of fury radiating off of her, the tension in her body and the rapid pace of her breathing as she fought to contain her temper.

"You'll do no such thing, vile creature!" Elissa hissed, eyes narrowed to the point that Nathaniel could no longer discern their color.

"And who would you be to challenge me thus? Some admirer? I've no doubt a man such as that would have many." The Baroness replied, her grin stretching impossibly wide across her face and sending chills radiating out across Nathaniel's skin.

"I would be the Warden-Commander. The man you threaten is under my command and thus family to me. You will not touch him or any other under my care, and if your… _pet_… has allowed you to believe me such a pushover – then perhaps you should have chosen your allies more carefully." Elissa continued, pacing furiously as she glared up at The Baroness.

"I should have chosen you?" The Baroness snorted, toying with her jeweled necklace and looking down at her with disdain and passing a pointed gaze in Nathaniel's direction. "The touch of your _soldier_ lingers on you even now. Call him what you will, but you are fooling no one."

"We must be ending this, now!" The First insisted, interrupting any further exchange between The Baroness and an infuriated Elissa, "The Warden-Commander, she is more dangerous than you know."

"Oh?" The Baroness responded, rolling her eyes in disbelief. "Fine then, slay them creature and you shall have the reward you requested." She mumbled, moving back to the doors to stay out of harm's way while sending her wraiths down into the fray. "Save the pretty one if at all possible… I have _plans_ for him later…"

Nathaniel had seen Elissa fight many times before, but never like this. This time he could feel her fury coursing through him like fire in his veins. It seemed to intensify his own attacks – his fingers moving on his bow faster than he'd ever have thought possible. When Elissa sliced through the onslaught of demons on the way to where The Spirit stood facing off against The First, Nathaniel could feel his own heart rate increasing to pace with her own, though he stood relatively still next to Anders. He wasn't sure if it would continue outside of The Fade, but he knew that this new connection between them had everything to do with what had happened between them in the dreamscape of their lost childhood refuge.

As he watched, she decimated the forces that The Baroness had sent against them, working her way with Oghren and Sigrun up to where The Spirit stood with The First. When Elissa finally made it to where the creature stood, The Spirit had already managed to wear it down substantially, and with her added blades they quickly had it on its knees.

"The Warden-Commander and her forces are too much! Your demons are inferior!" The First hissed, glaring with its milky white eyes up to where The Baroness stood apart from the chaos. "You must be sending me back through The Veil. Now! Before it is too late!"

"Useless creature! Why haven't you defeated them?" The Baroness yelled, striding forward – both furious and frightened by the superior skill of the intruders. "You are a fool, but I will hold my word! I will sunder The Veil and I will send them all away from this place. But you… I will use your worthless life to provide the power!"

"No, no!" The First cried, pushing to its feet and attempting to scramble away from the point of Elissa's blade and out of the range of The Baroness' spell.

For a moment, Elissa thought he might make it as she watched him breach the gates of the Manor grounds and round the corner into the village beyond. A few moments later she saw its body go rigid as tendrils of green mist wrapped their way around its limbs dragging the creature back wailing through the gates. It hung there for a moment, suspended in the air as the life siphoned out of it to power the witch's spell.

She was chanting up on the balcony now and Elissa could feel reality beginning to shift around her as her soul was directed back out of The Fade and into her body where it lay curled somewhere in the muck of the Blackmarsh.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel awoke much as he lost consciousness, tense and ready to fight. His hands went instinctively to his bow, but he found himself unable to reach it as he lay pinned to the muddy ground of the Blackmarsh. When he reached down to free himself, he found Elissa's dead weight pressing into his side and remembered having run to try and shield her from the blast just before they had all been sucked into The Fade.<p>

She was still unconscious, though Nathaniel could hear and make out the motion of the others recovering around him. He shifted his weight, rolling them over so that he could brush the dirt and curls of loose hair that had fallen into Elissa's face aside and try to check her for any signs of distress. As he touched her cheek, she started to stir – eyes fluttering open slowly as she muttered something about filthy blood mages and struggled to sit upright.

"Give yourself a second to adjust before you try and stand." Nathaniel encouraged, applying light pressure to her abdomen with his free arm in an attempt to keep her still.

"Mmm… Nathaniel?" Elissa questioned, eyes finally focusing in enough to make out his face – to focus in on his eyes and see all that lay within them.

Seeing that brought back the memory of what had happened in The Fade, and suddenly the warmth of his body against hers, the muscles of his arms wrapped around her, the way his thumb stroked a gentle pattern against the side of her armor covered stomach was just too much to bear. She shoved him back violently, digging her feet and hands into the soft earth and shuffling back away from him – cringing against a nearby rock and trying to even the frantic pace of her breathing.

Beside her Oghren lurched forward and spilled the contents of his stomach onto the damp earth. She wondered if it was his flask that had brought it on until Sigrun followed behind him, making it obvious that traversing The Fade was difficult for the dwarves who did not even enter there in their dreams.

"Are they alright?" Elissa asked, pulling herself up onto her knees and focusing her energy on Anders and not Nathaniel who stared at her with his angry wounded eyes.

"Seems to be simple nausea, so far as I can tell." Anders replied, standing up from his inspection of Oghren before moving to check in on Sigrun. "It should pass in time."

Elissa started to respond, pulling herself up to her feet and trying to gather her focus and her belongings while resolutely avoiding Nathaniel's steely gaze. It was then that she thought she saw Kristoff's corpse twitch slightly.

"Did the dead guy just move?" Sigrun asked, burping again as she tried to stand in spite of the lingering after effects of her trip into The Fade.

"Surely not!" Anders whispered, edging back from the body and behind Elissa and Nathaniel who had moved forward to inspect it just in case.

As Elissa reached her fingers out toward the fallen Warden's shoulder, the body shuddered violently, a bright blue light pouring out of what appeared to be cracks in the flesh itself. She flinched back, falling momentarily into the curve of Nathaniel's body, though she drew away again as soon as she caught his eyes.

"Want I should bash its brains in?" Oghren asked, starting to pull loose his battle-axe.

"Not yet… I've seen light like that before…" Elissa replied, remembering Wynne's Fade spirit and how the elder mage would glow whenever it made its presence known. "Spirit of Justice? Am I correct when I assume that's you in our fallen comrade's body?"

"The witch… she sundered The Veil in her haste. It sucked all of us through. It has… _trapped_ me in this body." The Spirit answered, moving its new body popping and creaking from the effects of rigor mortis, to a lurching stand. "And she… she has returned to this realm as well… Can you not sense it? She is nearby."

"My ability to track by feeling is limited to those bearing the taint I'm afraid." Elissa replied, turning her eyes over to a horrified looking Anders. "What about you? Can you detect anything?"

"There's something here, and it's powerful. I'd wager crazy old blood mage would fit that bill." Anders replied, trying to get a sense of which direction they might find her in.

"Well, we've defeated her pets already, and likely would have ended her miserable existence had she not shot us all back out into the muck." Elissa said, shouldering her pack and moving off down the hill in the direction of the Manor. "I'm fairly certain taking her out here on our own turf won't be a problem."

"You should not be so quick to assume victory." The Spirit insisted, staggering up to her side and forcing himself to be acknowledged. "The Baroness, she is no longer a mortal as you are. She has… evolved."

"Evolved? What do you mean, evolved?" Anders hissed, glaring at the animated corpse through suspicious eyes. "If you mean she's a demon, I'm pretty sure we've all figured that one out. And to be here she'll have to have possessed a body, much like you did."

"I am no demon! I have taken possession of nothing!" The Spirit retaliated, furious at the accusations leveled in his direction. "I do not know how or why I ended up in this body, but I assure you that it was not by choice."

"Boys!" Elissa yelled, rounding back on them and bringing the entire party to a standstill. "I've a raging headache, among other things, from our little Fade nap, we've a demon of some sort waiting about somewhere in the ruins of the old village below, and there are also these lovely bits to be dealt with." she continued, gesturing to what appeared to be a great gaping hole in the air from which streaming tendrils of Fade energy rippled into the real world. "Let's _try_ to keep the arguing to a minimum until we've managed to survive, or whatever it is that reanimated corpses do, shall we?"

"This isn't good, Elissa." Anders muttered, lingering close enough to one of the tears to feel the waves of energy seeping out of it. "We've got to get these tears closed otherwise they're just going to keep pumping demons and Maker only knows what else out into the world."

"Well, obviously I agree. Does anyone other than me have experience sealing these rifts in The Veil?" Elissa asked, inspecting the group and hoping at least Anders or perhaps The Fade Spirit would know something, but no one replied. "Alright then. I had to assist in closing some similar distortions in the basement of the Circle Tower following Uldred's revolt. The key here is you, Anders." Elissa explained, pulling free her swords and shaking out her shoulders to loosen the muscles. "You have to channel as much energy into the thing as you can manage. Pick your most powerful spell and just dump it in until it seals itself shut. Don't worry about anything else, simply focus on that and that only." Certain that Anders now understood his task, she turned to Oghren, "Oghren, you and Nathaniel will be responsible for keeping anything that gets past myself, The Spirit and Sigrun from interfering with Anders."

"What do you mean anything? What's going to come out of there?" Nathaniel asked, tugging free his bow and preparing an arrow as he rounded to Anders' side, watching Oghren take his spot in front of them.

"Honestly… I've no idea." Elissa replied, still hesitant to meet his eyes though she kept her tone as neutral as possible when speaking to him. "In the tower it was minor Shades and the occasional Rage Demon. Here, it could be anything. This marsh is so damaged, any manner of beastie could come out of there."

"I can alter our weapons for a time to repel entities from The Fade. It should help us to fight back anything emerging from the rifts, and might even help to seal them if we are able to get within range." The Spirit offered, and Elissa nodded her approval, watching as her weapons took on a faint blue glow.

"Alright, Anders. Whenever you're ready." Elissa said, bouncing lightly from heel to heel just outside the first rift they'd encountered.

Behind her, Anders took in a deep breath and expelled a massive torrent of lightning straight into the tear. The enraged howls of demons began to echo out from inside it the longer he cast.

"Get ready!" Elissa cried out, hearing the sound peak as whatever lingered inside drew closer.

A moment later three mid level Shades emerged, setting immediately upon The Spirit and the two rogues standing just outside. They looked so much like the generic Shades she had always encountered, Elissa made the mistake of treating them as though they were no true threat to her. It was a mistake she paid for quickly when two of the three converged on her and pressed her off to the side while The Spirit and Sigrun dealt with the third.

She started to feel concerned when she realized that even the blows she was landing were doing little damage to the Shades incorporeal bodies, even with The Spirit's added magics. Realizing that their heads and beady eyes were most likely to be their weak points, she tried to shift her attacks but had a hard time landing anything as she was spending most of her time defending against the swipes of the one she was not focused upon.

Out of nowhere she heard the whistle of air as something zipped right past her ear and into what she supposed was the eye socket of the Shade to her right. It dissipated into a puff of energy soon after, the arrow that had killed it clattering to the ground with a hollow tap. She flicked her eyes over to Nathaniel for a moment, equal parts impressed with that shot and annoyed that he'd chosen to ignore her directive yet again, before turning back to finish off what was now the last remaining entity.

As the final Shade fell under the collective efforts of herself, The Spirit and Sigrun, the rift finally sealed itself shut with an audible hiss. Elissa saw Anders stumbling as he let the spell die, and rushed forward to steady him against her shoulder just before he hit the ground.

"Easy." Elissa said, reaching into her pack and handing him a lyrium potion.

"Tell me there aren't many more of those things." Anders whispered, his whole body trembling as he sucked down the entire contents of the bottle in one swallow.

"I can sense perhaps four others." The Spirit explained, his dead eyes staring out over the expanse of the marsh and seeing what the living could not. "I shall lead us past them on approach to The Baroness."

Elissa nodded, wrapping Anders arm around her shoulders and helping him to move forward through the marsh.

* * *

><p>By the time they reached the ruins of the old village, Anders was completely drained and half addled from the lyrium potions he'd ingested to seal the remaining rifts. The Spirit had pointed out The Baroness' waif like silhouette pacing around in the mist just ahead of them, and so Elissa plopped Anders down on what had once been a flower-box and moved over to speak with Nathaniel.<p>

"You are to stay here and guard Anders." Elissa explained, staring ahead as she dumped her pack and anything unnecessary onto the ground at her side.

"What? Absolutely not." Nathaniel snipped, lowering his voice to a whisper when she glared at him after tilting her head slightly to indicate she did not want Anders to overhear. "I heard the _ghoul_ explaining how bad this was likely to be, and if it's worse than those Shades that came pouring out of the rifts, then you're going to need me."

"If what The Spirit says is true, then she's very likely been inhabited by a Pride Demon or become one, or whatever it is that happened to her. Either way, I've faced and killed several of the things already. Getting through their skin is like chipping through granite. Your arrows will do nothing to harm her." Elissa continued, annoyed that she was having to put this much effort to giving a simple order. Anyone else would simply do as they'd been told. "There is one weak point, and that's the eyes. On a Pride Demon that's a miniscule target, even for you."

"Those Shades didn't have large eyes and I popped one of them out right over your shoulder without touching a hair on your head." Nathaniel hissed, challenging her doubt in his skill level. "I don't see why hitting this would be any more difficult."

"Why couldn't you have decided to stand up for yourself and stop taking orders years ago when it was actually beneficial to either of us?" Elissa sighed, covering her face with her hands and blowing a huge breath out in frustration, yanking them down only to glare at the obstinate man in front of her. "Why must the only orders you _ever_ decide to question be the ones that I give you?"

"That's not fair…" Nathaniel began, his temper rising as she brought up the topic of his father and their past once again.

"I don't have time to argue semantics with you right now, Nathaniel." Elissa hissed, stepping forward and glaring at him through narrowed eyes. "Anders is drained and addled and completely vulnerable in that state. I will not leave him here defenseless, and you are the only one of us who can defend him and _still_ attack from range if you see an opportunity. If you see a shot, take it… otherwise shut up, stay put, and do as you are instructed!"

"Yes, Commander." Nathaniel replied, barely able to control the full boil of his rage as she stormed away from him and gathered the others to make their approach on The Baroness.

"Am I right to assume that horrible woman is most likely a Pride Demon by now?" Elissa asked, subtly tracing her blades through an open wound on her right arm and releasing the toxic properties of her blood onto the steel.

"That would be most likely." The Spirit responded, following her eyes over to the still pacing woman in the ruins ahead.

"I suppose it would have been too much to expect this to be easy." Elissa sighed, turning to her remaining trio to issue instructions. "Spirit, as the body you currently inhabit is familiar with the tactics of a sword and board warrior, I trust that you can manage keeping most of her attention focused on you."

"I have accessed many of the memories of this vessel, and it would appear that I have many techniques with which to enrage and defend." The Spirit replied, pulling loose the griffon emblazoned shield from his back.

"Excellent. Anything you can manage as far as Fade repelling magics would also be appreciated, but don't spread yourself too thin. I am counting on you to keep her attention as much as possible while the rest of us wear her down." Elissa replied, turning to Oghren who sipped heavily from his hip flask before offering her a pull. "Oggie, my love, this is where we finally put those brute skills of yours to the test. This thing's skin will be just as hard if not harder than the ones we have faced in the past. Hack through anything you can reach, but do not call on your Reaper or Berserker abilities unless absolutely necessary. Anders is out of commission this fight and none of us will be able to heal you if you bleed yourself dry to fuel your rage."

"Aye Commander. I'll kneecap the bitch to the best of my abilities. Well, to the best of my abilities that don't involve me passing out from blood loss." Oghren smirked, catching the flask she tossed back and anchoring it at his hip once again.

"Sigrun, you and I will work on disabling as many joints as possible. Treat her like a golem, imagine there are weak points in the body and exploit them as best you can. If we can disable an arm or leg in any way, it will greatly help our cause." Elissa explained, watching the tiny woman nod with a smile. "Whichever one of us sees the opportunity should make an attempt to climb up and have a go at the eyes. If you see that window, call out to Oghren and he'll give you the leverage you need."

"Never a dull moment with you, Commander." Sigrun smiled, whipping out her own blades and twirling them fondly in her hands. "Wait 'til I tell Kardol you had me scaling a Pride Demon to pop out its eyes!"

"I think that's worth at _least_ two pints at Tapsters." Elissa laughed, taking in one last breath before moving the company forward.

* * *

><p>The Baroness paced restlessly in the broken landscape of what had once been a thriving village seated deep in the Blackmarsh. She seemed almost perplexed by how much time had passed since she'd dumped herself and everyone around her into The Fade, and for a moment Elissa almost felt sorry for the woman as she watched sadness and loss flicker across her face.<p>

"It seems that all things wither in time." the woman mumbled, reaching out her fingers to trace the decaying remnants of a nearby house. "How sad to return only to find there is nothing left to reclaim."

"You tore the very world asunder when you left, and then again when you returned." The Spirit chastised, emerging first from the shadows of the nearby ruins. "To expect that the land itself would not suffer is foolish."

"Ah, it seems I was not the only one to be drawn here." The Baroness responded, turning to address The Spirit and watching through narrowed eyes as Elissa and the dwarves emerged behind him. "How very... _tiresome_."

"I agree." Elissa retorted, twirling her swords lazily in her hands. "I've had a rather long day already myself, and was hoping to be done with your horrible swamp. Yet, here I am cleaning up your mess and dealing with you… _again_."

"_You_. I had hoped you'd have been ripped apart by the transition." The Baroness sneered, sniffing and looking down her nose at Elissa.

"We Fereldens are a hearty sort." Elissa replied with a low chuckle. "I can't believe that Orlais isn't sharing that information readily at this point, as many times as we've forced you to acknowledge it."

"That creature may have been useless, but it was right. You are a fantastically arrogant little thing, aren't you?" The Baroness laughed, strolling closer to Elissa with a menacing grin on her face. "Tell me, where is your pretty _friend_? Did he make it through The Void unscathed?"

"Sadly he couldn't make it, other urgent matters required his attention." Elissa tsked, shaking her head. "He sends his regards though, and a gift. Come a little closer and tilt back your head and I shall give it to you right now if you like. Just a little _prick_ and it will all be over."

"I'm going to enjoy shutting that smart mouth of yours while he watches from wherever you've hidden him." The Baroness cackled, her eyes searching the shadows for a sign of movement. "You and I both know he's here, and nearby I'd wager. He seemed disinclined to let you stray too far from his side."

"I think I'm rather done with the witty banter portion of this encounter, if you don't mind." Elissa yawned, beginning to advance on the woman. "So go ahead and call upon your demon or cut yourself and chant or whatever it is that you lunatic blood mages do so we can get on with it."

"Silly child. I do not congress with demons, I _control_ them, just as I shall control you and everyone you care for – starting with that handsome lover of yours tucked away in the shadows." The Baroness cackled as her skin started to break open allowing swaths of green light to shimmer out into the night air. "Soon, I will be The Queen that this world deserves, and I shall give you the honor of being my first subject."

Elissa backed away as The Baroness pushed through the main force of her transformation, listening to the shrieks and screams as her body twisted and tore and grew boundlessly into a creature unlike anything she had ever seen. Though she resembled a Pride Demon, it became clear to all of them quickly that she was far more powerful than anything their previous experiences had allowed them.

Oghren and Sigrun worked at her lower limbs as best they could while avoiding the occasional swipes from her long clawed arms while The Spirit taunted and prodded to keep her focus.

"It's like trying to saw through stone with water!" Oghren bellowed, panting hard from exertion. "No matter how much I chip away I can't get any closer to the gooey chocolate center!'

"I know. I've got to get to the head, Oghren. It's our only chance." Elissa yelled, watching the stout man nod and crouch to the ground so that she could launch herself up onto the thing's back.

The very skin of the creature was like razors, cutting into Elissa's armor and the flesh beneath it as though it was nothing more than damp paper. She screamed and moaned but grappled herself to the top, trying to get a read on the eyes as the mountainous thing bumbled about beneath her.

"Damn it!" Elissa hissed, unable to make out a target as the creature flailed its head around angrily.

She looked up but could not make Nathaniel out in the shadows to call in a shot, if he even had one to make.

_Nathaniel. Can you hear me? Shoot now. If you've any hope of a shot, then take it!_ Elissa pushed out with her mind, hoping that somehow this horrible mistake they had made in The Fade would come to some good back in reality.

Seconds ticked by, and she started to panic, feeling the blood dripping down her hands from the climb, barely able to grip her swords anymore. Then, just as she'd given in, she had her answer.

_Lean back now!_ Nathaniel's voice echoed in her mind and she obeyed without thinking, arching herself back into the air and locking her legs hard against the creature's body though it shredded through her armor and into the flesh beneath it. She heard one pop then another echo through the night air, followed by the horrific screams of The Baroness and the creature all tangled together. When she leaned back up, she saw the points of Nathaniel's arrows where they'd come through the creature's eye sockets and out the back of her skull just enough to have penetrated her abdomen as well had she remained in her previous position.

The creature was enraged now, flailing madly at Elissa and trying to shake her off. She tossed her swords to the ground, reaching around to rub her hands across the open holes of the creature's eyes, dripping the toxic blood down deep into the wounds where it would damage and decay. This seemed to infuriate the thing even more, and as Elissa pulled loose her dagger from her thigh, it made contact with her calves with long clawed fingers, shredding armor and flesh and making purchase against bone.

Elissa screamed out in anguish as she drove her dagger again and again against the top of the carapace of the creature's head, working with the aid of her acidic blood to eat through and give her access to the soft brain matter inside. Eventually she felt the hard shell give way, and mustered all of the energy she had left to slam the blade home, twisting it several times until the screams stopped and the massive body lumbered forward and dropped to the ground.

As it dropped, it slung Elissa loose, and she flopped to the ground in a rapidly growing pool of her own blood. She could see the others rushing in to aid her, and forced herself to stifle her own screams long enough to warn them back.

"D-don't touch me…" Elissa hissed, drawing back from all who reached out for her and holding Nathaniel's eyes briefly when she saw him dash forward with Anders at his side. "The blood, it's toxic… I'm too weak to stop the effects now. I can't… I can't…"

"Do something mage!" Nathaniel growled, shoving the man forward so hard he stumbled and nearly landed with his hands in the pool of blood at Elissa's side.

"I-I can't… my mana pool is completely drained. There's nothing left." Anders replied, meeting Elissa's eyes long enough for her to see his distress and him to see her pain.

"Then drink another lyrium potion and replenish yourself! Here! I've got three!" Nathaniel insisted, tossing them to the ground beside him.

"Nathaniel, can't you see he's had too many already?" Sigrun said, speaking softly as she moved to his side and laid a comforting hand on his arm. "Any more will likely just knock him out if it doesn't kill him."

"Maker, Elissa… I'm sorry… I'm _so_ sorry…" Anders sobbed, his voice breaking as he realized she was going to bleed out right here in front of them and there was nothing any of them could do about it.

She groaned, pulling a vial from the front of her armor and tossing it out on the ground at Nathaniel's feet. He reached to pick it up, careful to avoid her blood as he inspected the contents.

"It's the Quiet Death." Sigrun said, answering the question for him and reaching for the vial. "Here, give it to me. I'll do it."

"No. No one will do it!" Nathaniel replied, yanking the vial away from Sigrun's fingers. "You're not going to die, Elissa. We will find a way to…"

"We have one healer, and he's out of commission. Bandages aren't going to do any good and there is no where you can travel in time to bring back aid. I am _dying_, Nathaniel… and you are letting me suffer." Elissa muttered, falling back against the ground as another wave of pain shot through her tortured limbs. "Give it to Sigrun if you cannot find it in yourself to grant me this mercy."

She watched him shake his head again, and fell back against the ground with a sob, pressing her eyes closed and allowing the tears to fall as she braced herself to deal with the painful death ahead.

"If you love her, give me the vial." Sigrun plead, tugging at his arm until he capitulated – letting the muscles in his hand go slack to release the poison inside.

"Oghren…" Elissa moaned, opening her eyes when she heard Sigrun dropping to the ground beside her head. "There are letters in my desk back at The Keep for the First Warden, Fergus and Alistair. Make sure they are delivered… make sure…"

"You don't have to say any more, Commander. I'll see it done or die trying." Oghren assured her, nodding his head.

Elissa took in a long shuddering breath, broken by a pained moan as she met Nathaniel's eyes one more time before he forced himself to look away.

"Do it." Elissa said, looking to Sigrun who nodded and dipped in with her sharp little blade.

"Wait!" The Spirit called, striding forward and stopping her strike – pulling all eyes back in his direction. "Stand mage and prepare to cast your strongest mending magics."

"I've already told you I have nothing left!" Anders yelled, wiping at his nose as he stood in anger. "That hasn't changed in the last thirty seconds!'

"I will use my life force to supply the spell. It is not justice for your Commander to die this way. I will not see this done if I can prevent it." The Spirit said, tugging a reluctant Anders to his side and pressing his decaying palm against his chest. "Cast now!"

Anders sighed, but did as he was told, focusing all of his energy on the largest heal in his arsenal. At first nothing happened, and he sobbed again, fighting the urge to collapse to the ground as a massive burst of pure energy surged out of the dead Warden's body and into his own – surrounding them both with a bright blue glow. Seconds later the warmth of his healing spell was pouring over Elissa, mending flesh and bone together and sealing off the bleeding vessels. He could see the look on her face change from one of suffering to one of wonder as the spell tapered off, leaving her fully able to sit up and stand without pain.

"What did you do?" Anders asked, watching the decaying body step back from him in awe.

"I offered a bit of myself to save another." The Spirit replied, watching as the others moved closer to their rejuvenated leader. "I just needed a medium to channel the spell. I have no healing magics of my own."

"If you knew you could do that all along, then why make us go through the torture of thinking we would lose her!" Nathaniel growled, and Elissa could see he'd been crying though he'd wiped away all evidence before facing her again.

"I should not interfere in the affairs of the mortal world. If it was her time to die, then that is as it should be." The Spirit replied with a shrug and a blank stare.

"But you changed your mind?" Elissa asked, moving forward slowly to a basin of rainwater and washing the remaining blood from her body.

"Yes." The Spirit replied.

"May I ask why?" Elissa questioned, retrieving her blades and wiping them clean before sheathing them in the appropriate spots.

"You willingly sacrificed yourself to bring The Baroness down, and you did not have to. I have searched the memories of this body extensively. Your order is meant to protect from blights and darkspawn, and that woman was neither." The Spirit explained, holding her eyes steadily. "I also found within this man's memories a record of many other occasions when your company has done the same in other places. It seemed unjust to lose such a stalwart defender of what is good in this world, when I could easily prevent it."

"The darkspawn are what Grey Wardens are built to fight, but I have found it difficult to remain so singularly focused when there are so many other things running unchecked into the world." Elissa responded, tilting her head to the side curiously as she lost herself in the memory of another time. "One of my former companions used to chastise me constantly for wasting our time plucking kittens from trees…"

"I do not understand your metaphor. It seems yet another in a long list of things that I do not understand about this world. I know nothing about this place save the few memories of this Grey Warden which I can draw upon." The Spirit replied, passing his eyes over the landscape around him for the first time. "I do not wish to die, but neither do I know where to go from here."

"Join us." Elissa said, listening to the scattered responses of her other companions and ignoring them. "The body you inhabit belonged to one of my men. I will gladly add your skill to our group until such time as I can speak to some of my friends and discover a way to return you to The Fade where you belong."

"It was darkspawn who murdered this man, most ignobly, and those who commanded it yet live. To avenge his death… to fight with you against the injustice in this world… that would be a purpose." The Spirit responded, its glowing eyes fixed to Elissa's once again. "Very well, I will join you, Commander."

"Should I call you Kristoff then?" Elissa asked, trying to gather the group and move them out of the marsh again.

"That is not my name. I have no name, only a virtue to which I aspire. If I am to need a name, then call me Justice." The Spirit responded, and Elissa laughed a little remembering that Wynne's Fade companion had referred to itself in much the same way, though it had chosen Faith as its tenet.

"Justice it is." Elissa replied with a smile, starting to move back out of the rear gates and toward the part of the marsh where their horses were waiting.

"Um… Commander… are you _sure_ you're feeling alright?" Sigrun asked, and Elissa took in a deep breath as she turned around preparing herself to defend her reasoning in recruiting a walking corpse into their company.

"Yes, Sigrun. Whatever Justice and Anders did patched me right up. I'm simply anxious to get back to The Keep and have a proper bath and a good night's sleep." Elissa replied, tucking several loose strands of hair behind her ears and trying to be as patient as possible.

"Oh, yes, me too… it's just that your blood… well…" Sigrun continued, shifting slightly in the face of Elissa's rising temper as though she wasn't quite sure what to say. "It's eating into the ground."

"It seems to have, urm…" Anders added with a half retch, pressing his hand to his mouth. "…melted off most of The Baroness' face as well."

"Ah… that. Yes, I… I mixed a toxin into my wounds when I realized I was unlikely to survive our battle in the hopes that it would do what I could not." Elissa muttered, clearing her throat and praying they bought the explanation for the time being. "It can be rather _intense_ in large quantities, and I'm afraid I didn't do a very good job of thinning it in my panic."

Everyone seemed to accept her explanation at face value, save Oghren who already knew what she had done during The Blight and the changes it continued to bring forth in her even now. She paced off to the front of the group, moving as quickly as possible through the remaining paths to where she and Nathaniel had anchored the horses.

"Even if I couldn't read it in your mannerisms, what we did in The Fade has made it impossible for you to lie to me now, Elissa." Nathaniel said, falling into pace at her side. "Whatever you unleashed back there had nothing to do with any poison making I've ever seen."

"Perhaps I've seen some things you have not." Elissa replied, refusing to meet his eyes as she pushed her legs even harder, attempting to outpace him and end the conversation.

"Stop lying!" Nathaniel hissed, his long legs easily keeping him at her side as he reached out to snag her arm and bring her to a standstill "I can make out enough of your thoughts to know that's _exactly_ what's going on."

"Stay out of my head!" Elissa yelled, snatching her arm away from him and making mental note to work on shielding her thoughts in the future.

"It seemed perfectly alright for you to come charging into mine when you wanted something earlier?" Nathaniel replied, laughing harshly beside her.

"That was different. I wasn't spying on your personal thoughts." Elissa retorted, snorting at him.

"You wouldn't have to. You know everything there is to know. I hold nothing back from you." Nathaniel replied, and she could see that he meant it.

"Well perhaps you should. And either way, I don't want you in my head… I don't want you in my anything…" Elissa muttered, rubbing at the bridge of her nose and kicking a clod of dirt out of the path in front of her.

"It's a little late for that, I'm afraid." Nathaniel responded, watching as she stalked ahead of him and allowing it. "We're going to have to talk about this sometime, Elissa. You know it as well as I do."


	12. Chapter 12: Stone the Crow

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Shorter chapter here, but I had to break it in half to keep it logical (at least in my opinion). _

_Muse Music: Hurricane by 30 Seconds to Mars._

_I'm going to add the "Antivan" translations at the end so I don't give spoilers here :) _

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! (I think I look forward to seeing what you think almost as much as you seem to look forward to the updates!) And thanks to my wonderful Lady Beta **artemiskat**._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Twelve: Stone the Crow<strong>_

"You know, as much as I've enjoyed the whole _less is more_ look you've been sporting during our journey home, I hope you realize this armor is beyond repair." Anders quipped, reaching up to help Elissa down from the horse they'd shared for the ride back to The Keep.

The mare Elissa had chosen for Anders was difficult to startle which made it perfect for a novice rider. It also seemed to make it perfect for carrying the living dead, as it had born Justice without so much as a twitch.

"I know…" Elissa tsked, flipping the shredded bits of her leggings about with annoyance as Anders handed their reins over to the stable hands. "Wade is going to kill me! This was crafted from Archdemon scale. He called it his master work."

"Elissa… you're going to want to see this." Nathaniel rumbled, motioning her over to the rear door of the stables so that she could get a clear look at what had caused his concern.

"Maker! There are at least fifty people gathered out there, and are those _pitchforks_?" Anders muttered, shaking his head as the rest of their party gathered behind them. "I never thought I'd see an actual pitchfork toting mob, but… there they are."

"What do you suppose they want?" Sigrun asked, trying to get a better look at them.

"Blast if I know." Elissa sighed, rubbing her face and then glaring at Nathaniel. "What do you think, _Lord Howe_? Something else your father did or _didn't_ do while he was off trying to conquer the world, come back to bite me right in the ass?" He started to respond, but she waved him off with an annoyed flick of her wrist. "You know what, don't even bother… I don't want to hear the excuse. Let's just go see what the angry mob has to say, shall we?"

Nathaniel lagged to the back of their group, fuming with a mix of his own ire at Elissa's latest jab at him and the bits of her own fury he could sense feeding into him across their bond. It was apparent that they would have to find some way to disconnect themselves somewhat. It would be impossible to function with such a raw torrent of emotion pumping between them, even if the chosen emotion wasn't always anger.

The crowd started to mutter even louder at their approach, picking Elissa out among the group and hurling threats and insults in her direction. She weathered them as best she could, keeping her face neutral and her tone even though everything coursing through her and into Nathaniel was pure venom.

"Thank the Maker you finally arrived!" Seneschal Varel said, leaning over to bend her ear for a moment as Captain Garavel paced beside him. "Things were really starting to get out of hand. They didn't seem to believe you weren't holed up inside refusing to speak with them."

"Our children are starving while you lot horde the bounty brought by the sweat off our brows!" a haggard looking man at the front of the group cried out, taking an angry step forward toward Elissa until he was stopped by a nearby guardsman. "Open your granaries and feed your bloody people, _Arlessa_!"

"Is this true? Have we been storing all the crops away within The Keep's granaries?" Elissa asked, turning a furious glare in the direction of her Seneschal and Guard Captain.

"We have been following the directive of the previous Arl, altered slightly to account for the increased appetites of the Wardens." Garavel replied, attempting to remain calm though it was obvious her temper had rattled him. "What can be spared to the general populace, has already been distributed."

"Let me make this _very_ clear, as it has apparently not been obvious how I feel about the previous Arl and anything he deemed to be a _reasonable_ way with which to treat the lives for which he was responsible." Elissa hissed, glaring at the men and making sure that her voice carried out over the crowd who silenced rapidly in order to hear her. "Arl Howe was a _despicable _man and a sad excuse for a ruler. That he ever managed to gain and retain control of anything is beyond my capacity for understanding, but I know that he ruled those holdings using fear and malice. I was raised in Highever where my father taught me to respect your land and love your people. If you hold a man's heart, you hold his loyalty. Fear only ever results in betrayal. Now, you will open the granaries…"

"I'm sorry, Commander, but I must object. Think what you will about Arl Howe, but much of Amaranthine is blighted. If we open the granaries, we set ourselves up to starve once winter sets in." Garavel retorted, stepping forward to challenge her.

"I am _not_ done speaking, Captain. You will stand down." Elissa spat, watching the man recoil back from her. "Open the granaries and send these people home with rationed amounts for the coming weeks. Tomorrow I will sit down with you all and we will work out some sort of balance that will allow us to put away enough to get us through the coming winter _without_ starving off the entire countryside in the process."

"Maker bless you, Commander!" the haggard man cried out, spurring up a rousing cheer from the others gathered nearby.

"Wait! Do not cheer me yet, I am not done speaking." Elissa said, turning to the crowd though she backed down her fury slightly. "My men are right to tell you that the land is blighted, and that the months ahead of us will not be easy. I will do what I can to ease this burden, but I must also trust that you will do your parts as well." The muttering began immediately, people attempting to puzzle out what she was insinuating before she raised her hands to silence them as she began to speak again. "Am I right to assume there are hunting restrictions and bans in place, also set by the previous Arl?"

"Yes, your Ladyship." A woman near the front replied, and Elissa caught a nod from Nathaniel that verified as much.

"They are no longer. I will have scouts evaluate the wild populations of Amaranthine and set up a proper hunting rotation as soon as possible. In the mean time, I ask that you kill with intelligence and take only what you need." Elissa continued, sending another round of applause up among the stunned populace. "If you can hunt, help to provide for those who cannot. If you can cook, share a meal with your neighbor. If you can do neither, find someone who can teach you or come to me and I shall show you myself. Gone is the time for selfishness and separation. We must work together to rebuild what The Blight and The Civil War have taken from us all and to weather the coming storms. Fereldens are like stone! We do not break beneath the weight of our burdens… they break on _us_!"

Nathaniel looked out across the sea of faces, watching the group that had been so set on having her head now gathered closer to her singing her praises and reaching out to touch her as she gave instructions to Varel to organize a distribution for the food they would send out tonight. She should have felt elation or at least some sort of relief after managing to neutralize a mob so set on hating her, but all Nathaniel could feel from her was a muddled mix of sorrow, fury and exhaustion.

"If you give a mob a rooster, they'll take the coop next time." Varel admonished, though his face was gentle and his voice held no animosity.

"I do plan to put limitations in place, Varel. I'm not just handing everything over to them and leaving us with nothing." Elissa replied, pursing her lips in response to his gentle critique. "But those people were motivated by fear and hunger, and those are powerful alone much less combined. I cannot risk civil unrest when we've already got talking darkspawn to deal with."

"This mob did not organize itself against you, Commander." Garavel insisted, risking her wrath by approaching her again. "As you said, Arl Howe wielded fear as a weapon to keep his subjects in line. They would never have come here were they not prodded by someone working against you."

"Which brings me to the next thing you don't want to hear…" Varel interjected, listening to Elissa's sigh as she folded her arms over her chest and waited for whatever else had gone wrong while she'd been away. "Before all this mess began, a group of nobles arrived. They're in the throne room waiting to speak with you."

"Bloody hell… can I at least change out of my shredded armor? Perhaps take a bath?" Elissa whined, watching the Seneschal fold his arms across his chest and raise an eyebrow in response. "I didn't think so… fine… lead on. Let's finish this great steaming pile of a week off in style."

* * *

><p>When Elissa walked through the door behind Varel, she was unsurprised to see Bann Esmerelle standing at the forefront of the group waiting to see her. What <em>did<em> surprise her was the fact that the woman, and all of those with her, were dressed in armor and bearing weapons in lieu of their usual fancy gowns and tunics.

"Esmerelle." Elissa said, attempting to offer her most convincing smile to the woman and noting the shift in her companions as they became suspicious of the group themselves. "How wonderful to see you, and in such _lovely_ armor."

"It _is_ nice, isn't it?" the Bann smirked, stroking at the sleeves. "Would that I could say the same for yours."

"Ah, yes. Sadly stabbing large demonic blood mages to death in the Blackmarsh takes its toll even on Archdemon scale." Elissa shrugged, twittering in false laughter.

"How _proud_ your father would have been to see you standing in front of the upper crust of Ferelden covered in dirt and half your armor." The woman snorted, rolling her eyes. "And your mother… poor dear Eleanor must be…"

"Oh, Mother stopped rolling over in her grave long ago, I'd imagine. She'd be having a very unrestful afterlife, otherwise." Elissa interrupted, her voice still calm and polite though malice glittered dangerously in the green of her eyes. "But _surely_ you didn't come here to exchange witty, but rather inappropriate, dialogue about my long murdered family."

"Straight to the point, just as a woman should be." Esmerelle replied with a low laugh. "I am here about the good Arl. The good Arl _you_ killed."

"You're still loyal to Father? Knowing everything he did?" Nathaniel interjected, working his way to Elissa's side.

"Rendon was good to us. Good to _me_ in particular." Esmerelle smirked, turning her eyes to him. "And you, Nathaniel... you truly are your mother's child. So _completely_ disappointing in every possible way." She laughed, watching him take a step forward only to be stopped by Elissa's hand on his arm. "It will be nice to give him both your life _and_ your murdering whore's in return for all he has given to me."

The room devolved into insanity soon after, both Esmerelle and Elissa's groups arming themselves and diving headlong into battle. Elissa herself was set upon almost immediately by two masked assassins and the hateful Bann. It took a remarkable amount of effort to sidle her way through their furious attacks, until she started to recognize a pattern within them.

"Crows, Esmerelle?" Elissa chuckled, watching the woman's smirk shift from haughty to concerned as she began to mimic the motions of her attackers flawlessly blocking their every blow as though she could read their minds. "Honestly? Do you lot _ever_ do your research? I spent the entire Blight traveling with an Antivan assassin. Did you think I hadn't learned a thing or two from him during that time?"

It didn't take long to incapacitate the two assassins after that as she and Zevran had worked out several twists to the dances he had taught her that these men had no way of knowing about. As the second man dropped to the floor at her feet, Elissa grinned at the Bann and she watched her scramble back away from her toward the dais at the rear of the chamber.

* * *

><p>From Nathaniel's position near the back of the room he could see many things that Elissa could not, namely the archer who had taken a spot of his own behind a pillar just in front and to the right side of the dais. The man took no shots at all, focused singularly on his target – the Warden-Commander. Nathaniel had tried several times to get a clean shot at him in between keeping anyone from interfering with Anders, but had been unable to do so.<p>

He watched as the assassin continued to struggle to get an easy target on Elissa, relieved when her movements in fighting kept her from becoming still long enough for him to do so. Once the second of her targets had fallen, he felt the wave of confidence wash over her, as she seemed to see no threat in Esmerelle herself. He tried reaching out to her with his mind as she had in the Blackmarsh, but whatever efforts she had made to seal herself off from him appeared to be effective as she had no reaction to it at all.

"Elissa!" Nathaniel called out, trying to get her attention over the noise in the room – but it was useless. She had tunnel vision now, led only by her rage.

"Go, I can keep these at bay!" Sigrun yelled to him, dashing over to his side to take up a defensive position in front of Anders.

Nathaniel popped a quick shot off in the archer's direction, knowing he would not hit the man but hoping that the arrow hitting wood just in front of his face would distract him from taking his own shot long enough for him to reach his destination.

* * *

><p>"I'm curious, Esmerelle… how did you even manage to get the Crows to accept another contract for me?" Elissa asked, dodging her blows easily enough to make idle conversation. "I was given the impression that I'd killed so many of them at this point they'd given up on that bounty."<p>

"Oh, you'd be surprised what the right amount of coin can make people forget." The Bann laughed, continuing to retreat toward the rear of the room.

"I _know_ how much it cost Rendon and Loghain to put out those contracts on myself and Alistair during the Blight. I wasn't aware someone of your station had access to that kind of financial backing." Elissa snorted, grinning when the woman swatted out in rage in response to her taunts.

"Once again you are arrogant enough to assume you know _everything_ there is to know." Esmerelle barked, breathing harder as Elissa increased the pace of her advances slightly.

"Do correct me then, please. I'm always looking to learn from my elders." Elissa retorted, blocking two blows sent in her direction.

"I have paid for nothing. I am merely the facade, child, meant to mislead. Something I have done quite well judging by the look on your face." The Bann laughed, her grin widening as Elissa's faltered. "Even now you focus on me when your attention should be elsewhere. I thank you for that."

"What…" Elissa started, seeing the movement from the corner of her eye and hearing the distinct twang of a bowstring a second too late. "Shit."

She wondered if she could repeat the snatching the arrow from the air trick she'd somehow pulled out in the dungeons weeks before, but doubted it as she'd no idea how she managed to do it then. Esmerelle advanced on her then, knowing she could not block her blows _and_ dodge or deflect the incoming arrow.

Elissa turned her shoulder inward, hoping to take the shot in the place it would do the least damage though she knew she would sacrifice the use of an arm in the process. She heard the hiss of the arrow and braced herself for the pain that should have followed the audible pop of its tip piercing flesh, but felt nothing.

When she opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder, Nathaniel was standing there with an arrow protruding through his upper chest – his own bow clattering to the floor as he reached up to grab his now useless arm with his good hand.

Elissa reached out for him, helping to stabilize him against her right side as she used her left sword to block Esmerelle's attacks as best she could. In her periphery she could see another of the Crows shifting in behind the woman, and began to panic – looking around the room to see if any of her other companions were free and paying enough attention to see that she and Nathaniel were in dire need of assistance. It was then that she caught the assassin's eyes just long enough to see a familiar wink through the slight gap in his mask.

As The Bann assumed he was there to aid in her assault, she paid the man no mind – making it easy for him to sidle up to her and open her throat in a subtle sweep, easing her down to the floor and moving back into the fray.

"Did that assassin just…" Nathaniel started, groaning and starting to cough as Elissa eased him to the floor on the dais, turning the ornate throne to the side to provide what cover for him she could.

"Stay here and don't try to talk. You've punctured a lung." Elissa instructed, reaching up to wipe a thumb across his lips and show him the blood there in the hopes that would help him to listen this time. "I'll be back with Anders as soon as we've cleared the rest."

He watched her move back into the room after that, losing sight of her a few minutes later and unable to move enough to see what was going on behind him. The sounds of battle grew increasingly more silent as all of the remaining nobles and Crows fell. When he heard footsteps later he was not surprised to see Elissa come around the corner with Anders in tow, the rest filtering in behind them as they were able.

Elissa knelt down in front of him, holding his eyes as she grabbed the tip of the arrow and broke it off in her hand with no warning.

"Ergh! Bloody Maker's balls, Elissa! That hurt!" Nathaniel hissed, continuing to groan as she tilted him forward intent on pulling the shaft of the arrow out.

"Being shot with an arrow hurts, so does having it removed." Elissa replied, yanking the shaft out and ignoring the pain when he latched his hand down around her knee squeezing hard to keep himself from giving her the satisfaction of crying out again.

She waved Anders over with the tilt of her head, not releasing Nathaniel's eyes as she stood and crossed her arms in frustration. It was obvious to everyone that she was furious with him, though only Nathaniel could read her well enough to know that she was also terrified of what could have happened had that shot gone lower.

"The muscle and joints are going to be sore for a few days, but the arrow wasn't poisoned and went in clean. It will heal fine with minimal scarring." Anders said, proud of his work as he stood with a smile and turned to help Nathaniel to his feet.

"You are an archer, you idiot." Elissa muttered, when he came to stand across from her, shaking out his shoulder. "What were you thinking sacrificing an arm?"

"A riot _and_ an assassination attempt! You certainly know how to keep things lively, Commander." Sigrun quipped, stopping Nathaniel's response and bringing some much needed levity to the heavy air of the room.

"I should never have let that simpering prune in here, Commander." Varel said, wincing as Elissa came over to inspect the grazing blow he'd taken to his forearm before calling Anders in to heal it. "I failed you. It won't happen again."

"You failed at nothing, Varel. The riot was sent here as a distraction – and a well orchestrated one at that." Elissa replied, refusing to allow the man to feel guilty for something even she had misread from the very beginning. "Search the bodies, you should find a contract somewhere if this was an actual Crow assault. It will be signed by whomever paid the bounty."

"You won't find one." A very familiar voice said, turning all eyes but Elissa's to the man emerging from the shadows. "This was not officially sanctioned."

"Who? Where?" Anders said, turning in circles and trying to decide if he should be afraid or not. "Weren't you just trying to kill us?"

"Me, no." the man laughed, pulling lose his mask and revealing his face and tousled mop of blonde hair as he came to stand in front of Elissa. "I tried to kill this lovely lady once, years ago. Failed miserably. Never tried again."

"Lei non ha idea quanto voglio baciarla proprio ora lei l'uomo magnifico." Elissa muttered, grabbing his face with both hands and leaning her forehead against his.

"Queste labbra sono delle vostri, poiché mai sono stati, il mio Custode." The man replied, reaching up to take her face in his hands and tracing his thumb around the edge of her bottom lip. "Chi mi sono di evitare l'inevitabile?"

"Cheeky bastard." Elissa said, tilting his head down and kissing his forehead affectionately before wrapping her arm around his shoulder and turning them both out of the room. "You all are dismissed. Wash up, eat, mingle. You're free until tomorrow morning." She called back in afterthought, focused completely on her rapid exchange with the newcomer.

"Can anyone explain what just happened?" Anders asked, watching as the blonde elf reached down to grab a handful of Elissa's ass before she corrected him back to her waistline. "Well... that was forward... who is that?"

"_That_ is Zevran." Oghren chuckled, heading for the rear door himself. "And this little party just got a whole lot more interesting."

Anders followed behind, escorting Justice to the unoccupied rooms so that he could claim one for his own, leaving Nathaniel and Sigrun to round out the group.

"Does she know?" Sigrun asked, pulling Nathaniel out of his focused attempts to read anything from Elissa as she had long disappeared into the halls with the assassin.

"Does she know what?" Nathaniel replied, making his features as blank as possible and hoping the sharp little woman hadn't been able to make out what he'd been doing.

"That you speak Antivan?" Sigrun answered, sighing in annoyance.

"_You _speak Antivan?" Nathaniel asked, surprised that a dwarf – particularly a member of the Legion that was never meant to exit the bowels of the earth – would know any foreign tongues.

"No, but I spend enough time watching you to know that you do." Sigrun replied with a wink, "And I spend enough time watching her to know if she finds out before you tell her, it isn't going to help you mend whatever fences you haven't already managed to smash beyond repair."

"I'm fighting for her because I love her!" Nathaniel retorted, coming to a stop and turning to grumble angrily down at her. "I'm sorry if I don't always go about it to your liking. Love isn't a logical thing and Elissa… she… she…"

"Easy, hot stuff! I'm on your side…" Sigrun said, holding up her hands in surrender and smiling at him as his temper cooled. "I mean… I'd _rather_ be on your top or bottom… but I'll take the side for now."

Nathaniel flushed, still breathing heavily from the temper that had risen within him moments before – but his anger was no match for the perky little woman tracing lazy circles on his arm and smirking up at him.

"There is something very _wrong_ about you." Nathaniel replied, unable to contain his laughter.

"Give me one chance and I'll make it oh so right…" Sigrun retorted, smacking the back of his leg and setting him back in motion behind the others.

"What would you do if I took you up on that?" Nathaniel answered, raising an eyebrow at her as he folded his arms across his chest.

"You mean _after_ I had you screaming my name in however many different languages it is you speak?" Sigrun retorted, watching him flush even more red than he had already been.

"Alright, alright… bluff called. Enough! I concede." Nathaniel laughed, shaking his head. "Seriously, Sigrun. Thank you. You're probably my only friend here. Maker... you're my only friend anywhere, come to think of it."

"No need to thank me. This isn't exactly altruistic after all. I mean I get to look at you when you blush all pretty like a school girl…" Sigrun laughed, winking at him as he flushed again. "But you can talk to me, anytime. Maybe practice some of the things you're thinking about saying to the Commander _before_ you actually say them?"

"Am I really that bad?" Nathaniel asked, stopping and turning to her as he ran a hand through his hair.

"It's kind of painful to watch." Sigrun replied, nodding her head with a soft pat to his arm. "I mean, she's no better… but I'm not going to tell _her_ that."

"I… we _used_ to be good at this! We used to stand in these very walls and talk for hours about anything… everything." Nathaniel said, leaning back against the wall and letting out a breath. "I just don't know how it got to be this way… I don't know how we became these people who can't speak to one another without trying to inflict pain."

"From what I've managed to piece together there was some killing, some lying, a large span of time and a King involved in that – but I don't think any of those things are the root of the problem here." Sigrun replied, leaning beside him. "I think the main issue is you keep talking to her as though she's the girl you knew _before_ instead of trying to get to know the woman she became. A _lot_ changes in ten years, Nate… even for people who aren't The Hero of Ferelden."

"I refuse to believe that the girl I fell in love with is gone. I can still see her there, when she isn't trying to hide it away." Nathaniel replied, shaking his head in frustration.

"I'm not telling you she's gone. We are who we are at the core, that never changes. What I'm telling you is that she grew up, as did you." Sigrun continued, stepping in front of him and refusing to be dissuaded. "Instead of trying to force yourselves to go back in time to reclaim what you lost – which, can never happen by they way – maybe you need to try to get to know her, as she is now, and let her get to know you? If there's one thing dwarves know it's that you don't rebuild on foundations that have been damaged beyond repair. You _start over_."

"So, what? I'm supposed to pretend I don't spend every waking, and non-waking moment thinking of her? I'm supposed to pretend I don't still love her with every fiber of my being?" Nathaniel snorted, tensing his jaw, "I'm a terrible actor, she'll never buy it. We read each other too well, even _without_ the newest… complications…"

"I'm not suggesting you should do any of that. I'm merely saying perhaps consider using a less heavy handed approach." Sigrun said with a shrug. "No one goes from crawling to sprinting in a day. And, from what I've heard, this Warden deal is kind of a 'til death sort of bargain. I think you've got time to play out your hand."

"And while I'm playing out my hand, she's off marrying the King." Nathaniel replied, dropping his head back against the wall with a thud.

"She hasn't yet, and as long as she hasn't… then you've got time." Sigrun replied, undaunted. "Look, whatever it is you've been _trying _to do isn't working. Be her friend again, then work your way up to the steamier bits."

"Maybe you're right." Nathaniel sighed, looking down to her.

"I'm always right…" Sigrun answered with a wink, tugging him down the hall. "And… if I'm wrong… my bed is _always _open."

* * *

><p>When Nathaniel woke, it was in the aftermath of a horrific nightmare. He'd witnessed a conversation between another of the talking darkspawn and the thing that was calling itself The Mother. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to slow his heart rate and his breathing and make sense of what he'd seen so that he could relay it to the others in the morning.<p>

He heard the soft pat of footsteps moving by his door and up the stairs to the ramparts a few moments later, and he didn't have to try to reach out through their bond to know it was Elissa. He'd sensed her there in the dream, watching from a distance just as he was. He toyed with the idea of letting it wait, finally flipping himself out of bed and dressing before he headed up to the ramparts himself.

"Welcome to my nightmare…" Elissa said, not even bothering to turn to him as he came through the door behind her. She'd known it was him the same way he knew it was her who passed his door.

"You see things like that often?" Nathaniel asked, moving to sit in the space beside her and hang his feet off over the wall.

"More often than I care to think on." she snorted, taking a long pull off of the bottle in her hand before offering it to him. "And now you get to see them too. Just one more pleasant side effect of our imaginary soul merging sexcapades. Bet you're wishing you could take that all back right about now."

"I owe you an apology." he said, drinking from what she offered and clearing his throat when it was stronger than the last he'd tried.

"No need. You were right. I was there too. I _knew_ who you were, but I let it happen anyway. This is my fault too." Elissa responded, leaning back on her arms and staring out into the night. "Just leave it. It's fine."

"There _is_ a need, Elissa – and nothing about this… nothing about _any_ of this is fine. Not for you, and certainly not for me." Nathaniel answered, drinking again and then putting the bottle down between them. "When I returned from the Free Marches… I returned for you. Father sent me a letter saying you were dead, but I didn't believe it. I disobeyed his wishes and came back here looking for the truth… but the country was in chaos. I-I didn't know who to trust… I thought you were dead…." He turned to look at her then, and found her watching him. Her green eyes twinkling in the moonlight, full of something he couldn't quite name. "I didn't come back at the end of The Blight, Elissa. I've been here the whole time. I was there the day you killed my father…"

"I know." she said, watching his eyes go wide. "Your father told me when we were fighting."

"My father? But… I never even spoke to him until he was nearly dead?" he answered, shaking his head.

"Rendon had spies everywhere. Someone saw you, heard you… doesn't matter now. He knew. He told me he only kept you alive so that I could watch him kill you." Elissa said, her voice trembling with rage at the memory. "He… he made me _so_ angry… I made mistakes. A lot of the blood on the floor around him was mine."

"He _cut_ you?" Nathaniel asked, and Elissa could see the fury in his eyes. "Where?"

She traced her finger from the back of her knee, up the inside of her thigh, coming to a stop just below her pelvis. The gesture was disturbingly erotic to both of them, though it was certainly not meant to be.

"In his defense, I had just severed his spinal cord." she said with a broken laugh, trying to fight down the attraction she still felt for Nathaniel no matter how hard she fought against it.

"He sent me to kill you, and he knew… the whole time he _knew_ it was you!" he lost it then, laughing so hard it brought tears to his eyes and drinking a lot more from her bottle. "I was always so certain he wasn't the monster you thought he was… that my family name was destroyed because he chose the wrong allies in a Civil War. But my father, he did it to himself. No conspiracies, no demons in the wings… just one stupid, selfish, greedy man. I am an idiot. I should have known better."

"How could you have known? What child wants to believe their parents capable of such atrocities?" Elissa replied, reaching over to touch his hand and holding his eyes when he looked at her without flinching. "He was your _father_, Nathaniel… and he trained you well. He knew you would never see it, because you would never even think to look as long as he held you at arms' length. You were a good man then, and you are a good man now. Your father sent you away because he was afraid of that."

"How can you be so sure of that? After everything we've been through… everything I _keep_ putting you through? I am my father's son, Elissa… and there are times when I can feel that darkness tugging at me." Nathaniel asked, flipping his hand over to take hers into it.

"I give as good as I get." she snorted, rolling her eyes when he laughed in return. "And there is… _so much_ damage between us… but, I know your heart, Nathaniel. You are a _good_ man. That will never change so long as you remember it."

She pulled her hand away a few moments later, turning her eyes back to the night sky.

"While we're spilling our secrets, I should probably also tell you that I speak Antivan." he offered, taking another pull off the bottle and settling in beside her – the heat from their skin radiating out across the inches between them.

"I knew that too." Elissa laughed, taking the bottle from his fingers and drinking herself.

"You did not!" Nathaniel snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Il primo Antivan che mai ho imparato aveva ragione laggiù a sedici" she replied, pointing to the far end of the wall. "E la sarebbe stato cacciando le bolle di sapone per una settimana mi hanno avuto mai ha rivelato che ha insegnato esso a me." She laughed as she watched the memory register in his mind. "Then, Fergus married an Antivan. She taught me more to keep my mind off things after you… well, after your _father_ ended our relationship. And then… I traveled with an Antivan Crow for the better part of two years."

"Is there anything you _don't_ know?" he chuckled, shaking his head.

"I don't know how to fix this." Elissa answered, her laughter trailing off as she became serious again and held his eyes with an intensity that brought chills to his skin.

"We don't. We can't." Nathaniel replied, his body shaking a bit as he resisted the urge to kiss her. "We start again, as friends, and work from there."

"Can you _do_ that? Forget what we had, what we were, everything that's happened between us and just be my friend?" she asked, and Nathaniel could feel her trying to read him.

"You can stop trying so hard, I won't keep you from peeking inside my head." he answered, arching an eyebrow at her. "I wouldn't lie even if I could. I love you. I will _always_ love you. But… I would rather be your friend than lose you completely."

"I want so badly to believe you." Elissa replied, sitting up and covering her face with her hands.

"Then believe me. Read me if you need to." Nathaniel insisted, turning her toward him. "I will do _whatever_ it takes to keep you in my life. I can't lose you again."

He ran his finger along her jaw. It was a light touch, hardly more than a whisper – but it darkened her eyes and shot up her heart rate. He felt it happen, and before he knew what was happening he was leaning in to kiss her.

"How are we to be friends if you can't go two minutes without trying to kiss me?" she asked, stopping him with her own soft hands on his face before his could join their lips.

"I never said it would be easy." he replied, clearing his throat and kissing her forehead instead before pulling away to drink again.

* * *

><p><em>Translations: <em>

_1._ _You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now you gorgeous man!_

_2. These lips are yours, as they have ever been, my Warden. Who am I to prevent the inevitable?_

_3. The first Antivan I ever learned was right over there at sixteen, and it would have been you coughing up soap bubbles for a week had I ever revealed who taught it to me._


	13. Chapter 13: Starting Again

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** A shorter chapter here, but I needed to break it apart from the stuff to come so that it read logically. This is mostly a transition chapter, setting some things in motion and hinting at things to come. I hope it isn't too dull!_

_Muse Music: Start Again by Red  
><em>

_Antivan Translation: My vengeful goddess._

_Thanks to my readers, reviewers and followers - and to my Lady Beta **artemiskat**._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Thirteen: Starting Again<strong>_

When Nathaniel finally managed to drag himself out of bed the next morning it was to the steady throb of the first hangover he'd had in years. He'd stayed up drinking and sharing companionable, though sexually charged, silence and conversation with Elissa until just before sunrise.

During those hours he'd learned many things, the first being he was no match for Elissa's capacity to consume and tolerate alcohol. You wouldn't think it to look at the two of them, Nathaniel easily outweighing her with his height and muscle mass, but she could put it away as though it was water and seemed no worse for the wear in the process.

He'd also discovered that no matter how much he might wish to follow Sigrun's advice to reestablish a friendship with Elissa before pressing her for the more intimate connection he believed they were destined to share, his physical desires seemed to work instinctively against it. Between the attraction they'd simply always shared, this new bond they'd formed in The Fade, and something Elissa explained was likely the much stronger taint in her blood calling out to him – it was a constant struggle not to act on his urges to kiss her or touch her in ways that were far outside the bounds of friendship.

As he made his way downstairs to the common room to try and grab some breakfast before Elissa set them to task for whatever she had planned for the day, he offered a prayer to the Maker that he would be able to stay true to his word and not press her before she was ready. He altered that prayer to include a request for additional patience and control over his temper as he grabbed a plate and made his way over to the seat Sigrun had saved for him at the front table.

"Are they _always_ like that?" Anders was asking, chewing a mouthful of something and staring over at the table near the fire where Elissa lay on her side with the skin of her lower back and hip exposed.

"One step short of needing to get a room? Aye." Oghren snorted, shaking his head. "Used to drive the old piker up the wall."

"How exactly _did_ his highness manage to tolerate it?" Nathaniel grumbled, watching the elf work intently on her tattoo, with the thumb of his bracing hand lingering a little too long on her bare skin for his tastes.

"Well, she always came back to _his_ bed at the end of the day, so I imagine that made it a lot easier." Oghren replied, smirking at Nathaniel when he narrowed his eyes in response. "Heh... I'd suggest takin Sig up on 'er offer or makin a heavy investment in self lubrication if we're talkin about you though."

"How far does that tattoo go, exactly?" Anders asked, tilting his head and trying to get a better look – along with Sigrun once she stopped winking at Nathaniel.

"A lot farther than you can see from there sparky. Yeh want any more of an answer than that, go ask The Commander." Oghren replied, finishing off his mug of ale. "She's in a remarkably good mood this mornin, all things considered. Might actually show yeh."

"_Reeeeally_?" Anders smirked, waggling his eyebrows as he stood to saunter over to the table.

"Of course, she's just as likely to twist off yer man parts fer even askin…" Oghren mumbled into his mug, sending the table into laughter as Anders continued to walk over to where Elissa and Zevran were seated.

"So… I've seen the bit on your shoulder and this bit on your hip…" Anders began, watching her eyes flick up to him with a mix of annoyance and amusement. "And I saw some on your back that day I made you wash off the stench of sadness… though I was trying very hard _not_ to look."

"And, what? You thought you'd come over and ask to see the rest?" Elissa replied, watching Anders look down to Zevran as he started to chuckle beside her.

"I don't know whether to think you brave or crazy, friend." Zevran said, looking up at him with a grin. "But I certainly admire your panache."

"I'm not stripping in the common room for you, Anders." Elissa answered, pursing her lips at him. "And if Oghren sent you over here believing I _ever_ would, then you're an idiot for listening to him."

Anders turned to glare back at the front table just in time to see the dwarf salute him with a grin, setting the rest of their companions into peals of laughter once again.

"Oi. If you've time to laugh over there you're obviously done with breakfast so come on over." Elissa yelled, setting Nathaniel, Justice and the dwarves into motion.

Oghren stopped by Zevran for a moment, bumping his fist against the elf's in congratulations for pulling such an easy ruse over on the mage.

"Nice to have yeh back, wee pretty pansy." Oghren grumbled, punctuating the sentence with a belch.

"Nice to be back my foul smelling friend." Zevran replied, wiping off the ink and blood from his last mark and filling the needle again.

"That's enough for now, Zev. We can finish the rest later sans the audience." Elissa said, stilling his hands and righting her clothing, wincing a little as the linen brushed sensitive skin.

"What's that one for?" Sigrun asked, settling into her spot next to Nathaniel. "I recognize the two on your face, one is Legion the other is Crow. But I don't know those."

"That's because they are an original creation, my adorable morsel." Zevran smirked, cleaning his needles in a pot of hot water. "Both flame and feather, and worn only by your lovely Commander."

"Flame and…" Anders said, shaking his head – clearly not understanding.

"Ugh, fine. I can see we aren't going to get any further today until I do this so here you go." Elissa said, standing up and turning her back to the group before flipping her tunic up over her head.

In the center of her back, where it wasn't obscured by the cloth of her breast band, was a black and gray phoenix. Cycling out from it in a sunlit bronze so subtle it only showed clearly when lit just so, were wreaths of feathers that danced like flame when light moved across them. They reached out in tendrils over her shoulders and down the backs of her arms – and again down her back and around over the front of her hips.

"It's beautiful…" Nathaniel said, watching her color lightly when she met his eyes for a moment as she settled her tunic back into place.

"All the credit for that goes to Zevran." Elissa replied, clearing her throat. "For me, it's simply a reminder."

"A reminder of what?" Anders asked, listening to Oghren snort behind him.

"Does this one ever shut up?" Zevran asked, leaning in to whisper quite audibly.

"Not that I've seen." Oghren chuckled, earning a glare from Anders.

"Boys!" Elissa warned, silencing the duo with a look. "They remind me of many things, Anders. But the short version is each feather represents a life taken by my hand or lost as a result of my decisions."

"But there have to be…" Anders started, earning a hard kick to the shin from the elf. "Ouch!"

"Hundreds, yes. I'm aware." Elissa replied, holding his eyes for a moment and effectively ending the discussion. "Now, are we done playing invade Elissa's privacy for the day?"

"It isn't really invading your privacy when you've got your pants half off in the common room." Nathaniel said, watching Sigrun drop her head to the table beside him with a half hearted mumble.

"My pants were hardly _half off_, Nathaniel." Elissa replied with a sigh, and though he could see and feel the flare of her temper – he also saw her stifle it just as quickly. "I thought we'd agreed to try and play nice…"

"You're right." Nathaniel admitted, clearing his throat and folding his hands on the table in front of him – ignoring the curious looks from everyone around them. "Please continue."

"Thank you." Elissa nodded, a short smile of approval before she turned her attention back to the group. "First things first, the _riot_. Orchestrated distraction or not, the conditions of the Amaranthine Arling are… more dire than I'd imagined. Relations were strained in the area even _before_ Alistair decided it would be a good idea to listen to Fergus and give the property over to The Wardens as an engagement gift…"

"That was your brother's idea?" Nathaniel snorted, rolling his eyes and trying to show the same control Elissa had earlier though the thought of it ate at him.

"Neither he nor Alistair have ever directly admitted it, but as we already had control of Soldier's Peak by the time The Blight was ended – there was no need to acquire further property on which to rebuild the order." Elissa explained, trying to soothe him as best she could. "I can't imagine the idea would have ever occurred to Alistair on his own, and we both know Fergus has never been… _subtle_ in making his feelings known."

"That he has not…" Nathaniel replied, saying nothing more as he didn't trust his ability to neutralize his phrasing.

"Now, if we add to that the fact that a good portion of our land is either blighted or crawling with these altered darkspawn, and what we've got is a recipe for disaster." Elissa continued, sighing as she fidgeted with the curls of her hair in frustration. "That speech I gave to the angry mob, it was as much for us as it was for them. The coming year won't be easy, and The Wardens will not be exempt to the restrictions I have placed on those under the care of the Arling."

"Meaning what, exactly?" Anders asked, the inner workings of nobility completely lost on someone who had spent the majority of his life locked away inside a tower.

"Meaning we ration our food. We stockpile and share. We hunt, clean and cook as much as we can. That means _all _of us. Myself included." Elissa explained, passing her eyes around the room. "Well… perhaps no cooking for Oghren."

"I'm a better cook than the piker!" Oghren yelped, his brow furrowing in frustration. "My food never turned gray…"

"Ugh… yes, it's true. I will gladly go the rest of my days never having to eat Alistair's cooking again." Elissa chuckled, sharing a grimace with Zevran as they thought back on their traveling days with a fond sadness.

"What if we have no idea how to _do_ any of those things?" Anders asked, feeling sheepish as even the walking corpse didn't seem the least bit daunted at her instructions.

"Then there are plenty here who can show you. If you don't know how to do something you need to know, or want to know… just ask. More than likely someone here has the knowledge to share." Elissa replied, squeezing his shoulder with a grin. "I keep telling you, we're family now. I get a little… wound up sometimes, but I _do_ mean that." She turned her attention to Nathaniel, who raised an eyebrow at the hesitancy on her face. "I've spoken to Varel and Garavel already, but I… I would appreciate your help in evaluating the wild game and granaries for proper rationing and hunting rotation, as well as setting up a proper schedule to offer skills training to those in need. You know this land and its people better than anyone, including me."

"Of course. I am always available to you in whatever capacity I am needed." Nathaniel replied, watching her shift nervously at his choice of words before clearing her throat and continuing.

"Which brings us to our next topic." Elissa said, rubbing at the bridge of her nose and pressing her eyes shut.

"That pause has a distinct ring of _not good_ to it…" Anders grumbled, thumping his head softly against the table. "Is it less or more dire than famine, pestilence and civil unrest?"

"That all depends on your perspective, I suppose." Elissa answered with a snort, "It was my life and not any of yours the assassins came seeking last night, Nathaniel's idiotic decision to gallantly come to my rescue aside."

"Idiotic?" Nathaniel started, brow furrowed.

"Yes, Nathaniel… idiotic! You're an archer, and you took an arrow in the shoulder of your bow arm." Elissa responded, her voice calm though her eyes betrayed it.

"Touching though this is, my Warden, perhaps we should stick to the topic at hand…" Zevran interrupted, sensing the situation spiraling quickly.

"When did you become so diplomatic?" Elissa huffed, rolling her eyes at his wink. "But you're right. It's silly to fight about that now... especially when the topic at hand is cloudy at best. I know someone out there has a price on my head, unfortunately – I have no idea _who_ that someone might be."

"You mean it wasn't Mistress of the Sucked Lemons?" Anders asked, waving his hand about and doing his best imitation of Bann Esmerelle.

"It would appear not." Elissa chuckled, listening to the laughter filter through the group around her. "Esmerelle was merely a figurehead. She told me as much herself, and Zevran has verified this based on the minor intelligence he managed to gather here and among the Crows in Antiva."

"So there isn't a contract out for her?" Nathaniel asked, looking to the assassin for an explanation.

"With the Crows? No. Ignacio still holds to his word and the other Master's are unwilling to cross Doamna Mortii." Zevran answered, winking at Elissa as he tossed out her moniker, earning a long suffering sigh in response.

"I don't speak assassin…" Anders whispered, quite loudly, leaning in toward Elissa. "What did he just say?"

"It's _Antivan_ and it means…" Elissa started.

"Lady Death." Nathaniel interrupted, turning a room full of surprised eyes in his direction – save Elissa's. "And don't worry, Sigrun, she already knows I am fluent."

"Thank the ancestors! Though, there were plenty of _other_ suggestions I made last night you could have chosen to listen to…" Sigrun replied with a wink that set color immediately in bloom and a chuckle through the room.

"Oh, I _like_ her…" Zevran purred, leaning against Elissa's shoulder.

"I thought you might." Elissa snickered, sharing a smile with Nathaniel. "However, Sigrun seems to prefer the tall, dark and moody. She took a fancy to Dastan as well."

"I myself prefer curvy, deadly and prone to violent outbursts…." Zevran replied, winking at the dwarf. "That doesn't mean we can't exchange secrets at a more appropriate time."

"I shudder to think what you might come up with together…" Elissa muttered, laughing in spite of herself. "Really though, all joking aside – I don't have much information to give you. Someone is gathering assassins, anyone who will take a shot it would appear. Aside from that, I know little to nothing."

"If they're paying, it has to be someone with a fair amount of coin to spend. That has to at least narrow the possibilities." Nathaniel offered, uncomfortable that someone was still out there looking to kill her.

"One would think. But there are a great deal of people out there who suffered loss when your father and Loghain were ousted. Any of them could be responsible." Elissa sighed, rubbing her face before turning back to Zevran. "I hesitate to ask…"

"So far as I know, it is only _your_ blood they're after." Zevran replied, not even needing her to complete the thought.

"Good." Elissa responded, letting out a relieved breath and patting her knees. "Still, I would appreciate it if you would send a missive to Dastan and encourage him to be hyper vigilant."

"Certainly, but would you not rather…" Zevran started, stopping when she shook her head and looked away.

"We did not part amicably." Elissa replied, her body tense as she remembered how she'd sent her friend away. "I am certain I am the last person he wants to hear from at the moment. But Alistair should not suffer because of my mistakes anymore than he already is, and Dastan will listen to you."

"Say no more, la mia dea vendicativa." Zevran answered, reaching over to stroke at her hand affectionately.

"What about that shady character you paid in Amaranthine?" Nathaniel asked, suddenly recalling the conversation he'd witnessed in the alleyway weeks ago.

"Ah, the _Dark Wolf_?" Elissa snorted, giving Zevran a look that said she'd explain later. "I have heard nothing from him since that day, which means he has either absconded with my money or been killed in his attempt to seek out the information. My guess would be the latter, but either way – I would not look for any answers he may have provided to be forthcoming."

Nathaniel started to interrupt with more questions on how they planned to deal with this situation, but was silenced as Elissa's assistant rushed into the room looking distinctly harassed.

"A-apologies Commander…" the timid woman said, hesitantly meeting Elissa's eyes.

"Yes, Cecile?" Elissa sighed, waiting for the woman to spit it out.

"There's a woman outside, claims she's Warden Kristoff's wife?" Cecile answered, fretting with her hands. "I-I… I assumed you'd want to speak with her, in light of… well, since the Warden's sort of… _dead_."

"Andraste's tits! If it isn't one thing…" Elissa hissed, sending the already frightened woman stumbling back against the door as she stood. "Tell her I'll be out momentarily."

"Y-yes Commander." Cecile replied, bowing low and scurrying out the door as fast as she could manage.

"What did you do to that poor creature?" Zevran chuckled, smirking at her.

"Nothing!" Elissa snipped, a little too quickly.

"You did something, she's terrified of you!" Anders snorted, sending Sigrun and Oghren into peals of laughter.

"Fine! She interrupted Alistair and I when we were…" Elissa started, flushing as she avoided Nathaniel's eyes though she knew she shouldn't have to. "I _may_ have yelled at her… a bit, and I think she got an eyeful of Alistair half dressed and _waving_… ugh. She's been that way ever since."

"Ah, a woman after my own heart…" Zevran smirked, stroking at her shoulder. "Ever volatile when prevented from… _climax_."

"I hate you." Elissa hissed, turning to clutch his face in her hand.

"Liar." Zevran replied, brushing his nose against hers until she released him with a shove.

"Anders, there's a shipment of herbs and poultice supplies being delivered to the Infirmary. Can you oversee that?" Elissa asked, ignoring the amused smirks she was getting from everyone in the room.

"I'm on it." Anders replied, winking as he headed out of the room.

"Nathaniel, can you go and meet with Varel and Garavel while I see to this?" Elissa continued, reluctantly meeting his eyes though she relaxed when she saw only amusement within them. "I will catch up with you afterward."

"I assume they're in the throne room?" Nathaniel asked, standing quickly.

"Actually, they're in the library. I had all of your father's maps and archival documentation moved in there for safe keeping until I decide where to put them." Elissa replied, watching him move off with a nod. "And, Nathaniel." He stopped at the doorway and turned back. "Thank you."

He smiled and nodded again, chuckling when Sigrun shot him an approving wink.

* * *

><p>The conversation with Kristoff's wife, Aura, had <em>not<em> gone well – and Elissa kicked herself for allowing Justice to convince her to allow his presence to be known before she could better gauge the situation. She did the best she could to settle the rattled Spirit back to as neutral as he seemed to get, forced to promise she'd make a further attempt to rectify things with his body's wife in order to get him to stay in his room quietly for the remainder of the evening.

She was caught by Wade and then Voldrik, each making requests for the supplies needed to arm and armor her men or rebuild the rapidly crumbling walls around and beneath Vigil's Keep, before she could dart back inside.

By the time she made it back to her room the day was gone and she was exhausted, falling into her desk chair and working her way through the latest batch of correspondence Cecile had delivered to her desk.

"Fix my house, till my fields, rescue my daughter. Oh no! Vials of poison have gone missing in the city and I seem to have misplaced my carpet samples in the Wending Woods!" Elissa muttered, scribbling down request after request into her journal in annoyance before coming to a dead stop as she recognized Alistair's familiar scrawl on the outside of the next envelope.

She hesitated to touch it, fingers curving out then curling back in again several times before she shoved herself up out of the chair and began to pace. She walked around the desk three times, staring at the thing as though it was a coiled serpent, before finally snatching it off and flopping back into her chair to read it. She was barely even paying attention when she replied to the knock at her door.

"Enter." Elissa muttered, chewing at her nail as she scanned over Alistair's words again.

_Elissa,_

_Enclosed you will find an invitation for you and your Wardens to the unveiling of the memorial and new Warden Enclave here in Denerim. _

_I tried to have Eamon cancel or at the very least delay the whole thing until things between us are… resolved, but he insists it is too late to alter at this stage._

_I hope that I can count on you to be there as Warden-Commander of Ferelden, if nothing else. _

_Sincerely,_

_Alistair_

"Bad news?" Nathaniel asked, pulling her eyes up from the parchment where they finally focused in on him as he sat in the chair across from her.

"I'm not sure of the answer to that, honestly." Elissa replied, folding it and sliding it underneath the stack with a sigh. "How can I be of service?"

"Now? You can't… though I could have used you earlier when I was dying of boredom setting up the Arling's various training, rationing and hunting schedules with your Seneschal and Guard Captain." he answered, leaning back in his chair and stretching his long legs out toward the desk with a smirk.

"Oh bloody hell…." she groused, dropping her head down against the desk with a thud and looking back up at him through her fingers. "I'm _sorry_, Nathaniel. It was one thing after another and I just… I forgot. You should have sent for me! Was it awful?"

"I certainly won't be doing it again for recreation, but I think we got everything ironed out nicely." Nathaniel chuckled, watching her fingers slide down her face in relief that he wasn't angry with her for not showing. "I went through Father's records and maps and set up a basic skeleton. Once the scouts return with actual numbers, we'll have a better idea of what's out there and can alter them accordingly. Varel wants you to sign off before he institutes anything, of course."

"Thank you, Nathaniel." Elissa said, smiling as she reached across the desk to squeeze his hand. "You've no idea how nice it is to have someone else who understands the horrible bureaucracy of nobility to talk to again. I've been _drowning_ in this mess. Fergus is busy rebuilding Highever and Alistair he…" she stopped herself then, realizing she was broaching a subject they might not yet be ready for.

"You _can_ talk about him, Elissa. If we're to build any sort of new foundation between us we have to be able to speak freely to one another, and that means actually _talking_ about Alistair." he insisted, covering her hand with his other and holding it against his where it rested on the desk. "I'm especially fine with hearing about how I am superior to him in _any_ capacity."

"I didn't say you were superior!" Elissa huffed, pursing her lips at his chuckle though he could see she wasn't too irritated. "You were raised to do this, just like I was. Alistair was hidden away in a stable or a monastery for most of his life. It's hardly his fault he's struggling with this nonsense. I struggle with it and I've been doing it since I was seven years old." She sighed then, pulling her hand away from him and falling back into her chair. "At any rate, I really do appreciate your help today… and you're not being angry with me for forgetting to come and help you."

"I told you I was available to you in whatever capacity you needed, and I meant that." Nathaniel answered, his gray eyes intense as they held her green. "Speaking of which…"

"Not this again…" she sighed, threading her fingers into the curls of her hair.

"Not _what_ again?" he chuckled, realizing that she was assuming he intended to broach the topic of their unrequited attraction yet again. "I was merely going to ask how you intended to deal with the price on your head… unless there's something else you'd rather talk about?"

"What? No… I-I…" Elissa replied, fumbling for words and blushing lightly for having brought it up – the sight of which combined with the steady pulse of energy that flowed between their bond and their blood and increased his heart rate to mimic hers. "I don't want to talk about that either, truth be told."

"We don't always get what we want, Elissa." Nathaniel smirked, watching her eyes narrow at him in irritation. "Someone is trying to kill you. I want to know how you plan to combat that intention."

"Someone is _always_ trying to kill me, Nathaniel." she snipped, standing up to pace in frustration. "I'll deal with it the same way I always have. I'll go back to disguising myself in public, code our communications and travel agendas as best I can, and wait for them to make a mistake."

"And if they succeed?" he asked, his eyes following her.

"If they succeed, I'll be dead, and I suspect I won't care anymore." Elissa chuckled, stopping abruptly when Nathaniel grabbed her arm in his gentle but firm hand.

"I'm serious." Nathaniel retorted, his eyes swirling with concern as she held them.

"Don't worry too much. I'm very hard to kill." she replied, tugging lightly but not struggling when he didn't immediately release her.

"You're not immortal. I wish you would realize that." he said, his thumb stroking lightly at her arm as he stood, holding her eyes through the motion.

"We should go to bed." Elissa muttered, and he watched her throat move as she swallowed reflexively.

"Alright, but I'll warn you… I've slept nude since I was eleven." Nathaniel replied, watching her pupils dilate as he smirked at her.

"If you're trying to rattle me, it's going to take more than that. I've had Zevran _and_ Dastan to contend with for years now." she whispered, leaning close enough that he could feel the heat from her skin and catch the smell of her lilac oil as she worked her arm free from his grasp and shuffled him off to her door with a smile of her own. "But, if you want to play this game... I've never worn anything to bed. Even when you and your siblings would come to stay with us in Highever... when Fergus and I would come here to Amaranthine... I'd strip down the moment the door was barred for the night."

"You're _sure_ you don't want me to stay?" he rumbled, unable to let it go now that she had challenged him. "I'll even offer to keep my pants on for you."

"Oh, don't keep your pants on for my sake." Elissa laughed, winking at him. "Sigrun will be more than happy to help you take them off."

He stifled his groan against her door when she shut it after that, leaning against the frame and listening to her low laughter on the other side for a few minutes before finally turning away.


	14. Chapter 14: Remembering How It Feels To

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** A bit of risque banter included herein. Apologies to those who love Anders in advance. I love him still! Forgive me! :)  
><em>

_Muse Music: What It Feels Like For A Girl by Madonna_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers, and to my Lady Beta **artemiskat**. I had a great time with this one, hope you enjoy it too!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Fourteen: Remembering How It Feels To Be A Girl<strong>_

"What's this then?" Anders said, eying the small coin purse Elissa had laid out in front of him and noting that everyone except Justice and Zevran had one as well. "Are we getting a proper allowance now?"

"I feed you, clothe you, arm and house you. You aren't left wanting for anything." Elissa snorted, recounting Nathaniel's share before she tossed it over to him and checked off the notation in her journal.

"Oh… I don't know… I think _some_ might agree we are left wanting quite often…" Anders snarked, waggling his eyebrows at her suggestively.

"He has a point, my Warden…" Zevran replied, chuckling low in his chest and sharing an appreciative look with Nathaniel that earned them both a glare.

"Yes, well, I suggest you grow accustomed to being left wanting for _that_ for quite some time." Elissa snipped, rolling her eyes and dropping her journal to the table with a slap. "Honestly, do I need to set you lot up with a tab at The Pearl while we're in Denerim?"

"When are we going to Denerim?" Nathaniel asked, his smile fading slightly as he thought on the list of things that could possibly draw them to the capital.

"In two days. There is a function to honor the Wardens who died during The Blight and unveil the new Warden Enclave and Memorial in the Royal Quarter." Elissa explained, her eyes flickering quickly away from his as though she could read his thoughts. "We're going into Amaranthine today so that we can acquire acceptable attire for the occasion."

"Commander, I have not been given a budget." Justice noted, and Elissa cringed realizing she should probably have addressed that earlier, and without an audience.

"I'm sorry, Justice. It's a royal affair and since we can't put you in full plate and helm, it will be near impossible to hide the fact that you're… well, _dead_." Elissa explained, sending a stern look in Anders' direction when he started to laugh. "_I_ understand, and I think that The King would if I explained it to him, which I intend to… but I don't think that this is the best time to broach that particular subject. His nerves will be raw enough as is."

"I understand. My appearance is, _startling_ I am sure." Justice replied, unphased by her logical request or Anders' inappropriate laughter. "If I am to remain at The Keep, is there anything that I can oversee in your absence?"

"Actually, yes… but we will speak of that later. For now, go and see Master Wade. He's been working on some new breathable armor that should help with the… _issues_ you've been having of late." Elissa replied, sharing a nod with the Spirit as he left the room.

"_Issues_." Anders snorted, folding his arms across his chest and glaring after the man as he lumbered away. "That's such a _nice_ way to say the stench of your rotting corpse of a body is making us all vomit, so we've had to invent special armor on your behalf."

"Anders, _you_ are the only one who has nearly vomited – much the way as you _always_ seem to vomit." Elissa retorted, glaring at him. "You have the constitution of a twelve year old girl, and that's nothing to be proud of!"

"Hey!" Anders replied, brow furrowing.

"Don't wake the dragon first thing in the morning, darling. It never works out well." Elissa grinned, irritated still but doing her best to recover. "Justice is trapped here in a body that is rapidly deteriorating. I cannot save it, and I have _no_ idea what will happen to him once it is gone. Being on the brink of losing one's self is a terrifying prospect, Anders. I suggest you think on that the next time you think his condition is most difficult for _you_!"

"So… I assume there are guidelines for these fancy duds we're supposed to be picking out?" Sigrun asked, waiting for Elissa to continue after she was certain the mage had been sufficiently cowed.

"Yes. Formal attire _only_. No armor or anything resembling armor. Men in shirts and slacks, even _you_ Anders." Elissa said, snapping his mouth shut as she answered his question before it'd been asked. "Women in dresses, and _yes_, that means me as well."

"A rare treat indeed…" Zevran purred, winking at her.

"Laugh it up, chuckles." Elissa grumbled, rolling her eyes. "Colors are restricted to dark blue with silver accents. There's enough coin in those purses to cover a _full_ ensemble, footwear included, so long as you don't have it lined in gold or something equally ridiculous."

"What? Why is everyone looking at me?" Anders gasped, feigning innocence as he glanced around the room. "Gold chafes anyway…"

"Make sure there is a griffon emblem _somewhere_ on the back of the garment. I would suggest the back of a tunic or jacket or the train of a dress." Elissa continued, turning her eyes to Oghren as he started to mumble to Zevran. "And no, Oghren, your bum is _not_ an acceptable spot to have it placed regardless of what Zevran might tell you."

"Damn you, blasted woman!" Oghren grumbled, opening his flask. "Never let me have any fun. I bet the piker would get a laugh."

"Perhaps… still, I say there will be no ass griffons. If I even _think_ you've done something like that I'll cut your alcohol supply off for a month!" Elissa insisted, ignoring the string of curses he spouted off. "I mean it, Oghren!"

"Aye!" Oghren snorted, folding his arms and looking cross.

"Alright. Daylight is wasting." Elissa said, setting them all in motion with a wave of her hands. "Zev, you'll steer the cart. Sigrun, Oghren and Anders can ride there. We'll have too much to carry back to take horses. Nathaniel and I will ride point."

"So _feisty_ in the mornings! I had almost forgotten." Zevran whispered, trailing his fingers over her arm as he strolled out the door, leaving she and Nathaniel to bring up the rear.

* * *

><p>As the sun began its way back down to the horizon, the unusually jovial crew made their way back to The Keep with a wagon full of boxes. Elissa had collected the remainder of Kristoff's belongings from the tavern while Nathaniel shared a brief visit with Delilah and the others took an evening meal.<p>

"I think if you attempt to avoid Delilah next time, she's going to have my head as a consequence." Nathaniel joked, settling Nocturne into pace at Elissa's side.

"I know…" Elissa sighed, fretting with her hair as she always did when she was anxious. "I feel horrible avoiding her, it's just hard to know what to say. So much has changed…"

"She doesn't blame you for Father's death, Elissa." he insisted, tilting forward to catch her eyes. "You know that. What's _really_ keeping you from going to see her?"

"The simple answer is, you. I saw the look on her face when I told her we weren't together and that I planned to… She blames me for that." she answered, taking in a deep breath. "I've only just managed to get _you_ to stop badgering me about it. I guess I'm not ready to fight that battle again quite yet."

"Delilah is a romantic at heart. She still believes that true love conquers all else." Nathaniel responded, staring off at some distant point on the horizon.

"Do you still believe that?" Elissa asked, and Nathaniel could hear the hesitation in her voice.

"I'm not sure if you really want me to answer that." he said, turning his eyes to hers briefly and watching the light nod that said he was right. "Either way, you shouldn't let that stand in the way of your finding one another again. You were close once. I think you could be again."

"You're right." she replied, nodding her head and smiling softly at him. "I will make more of an effort to see her next time we make it into the city."

They rode in silence for a while, before Nathaniel's laughter broke it, drawing Elissa's curious stare in his direction.

"What? What's so funny?" she asked, steering her horse closer to his.

"I was just thinking about the dress you wore to your sixteenth birthday party." he answered, his grin widening as his silver eyes caught her emerald in the dwindling sunlight.

"I didn't realize my attire had been so amusing to you." Elissa retorted, looking distinctly displeased as she'd liked that gown quite a bit when she'd been younger.

"Oh, it wasn't. Especially not at the time." Nathaniel chuckled, watching her eyes narrow. "I thought my eyes might pop out of my head when I first saw you, and then when you shoved my nose in your cleavage in the guard house…"

"_Nathaniel_!" she hissed, eyes flitting back over her shoulder to the others to make sure no one else could hear them.

"What? I'd barely gotten used to the idea of you _having_ breasts at that point – and then all of a sudden _there_ they are pressed right against my nose!" he laughed, steering Nocturne out of the range of her desperate swats to silence him. "You're lucky I didn't pin you to the floor right then and have my way with you."

"As I recall I _asked_ you to do that very thing, and _you_ declined the invitation." Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes and pressing her heels into her mare's sides to increase her pace.

"If I could go back, I would _absolutely_ have accepted." Nathaniel said, Nocturne's longer strides easily keeping him beside her.

"Pssht. You would not!" she laughed, shaking her head. "You were _obsessed_ with protecting my virginal innocence."

"Oh, I'd have protected your virginal innocence…" he responded, his voice even lower and more gravelly than it had already been. "I'd have _protected_ it on the bench, on the floor, against the wall… anywhere I could have pinned you down."

"The old Nathaniel would have said that was _unworthy_ of us." Elissa said, her voice coming out far more breathy than she had intended.

"The old Nathaniel was a fool who squandered the best thing he ever had." Nathaniel answered, the glint of his eyes causing her hands to slip on her reins momentarily careening her horse into his until he reached over to steady it. "You loved me, and I loved you. As long as we had that… nothing else mattered. I _should_ have realized that then, and I know that now. I won't make the same mistake twice."

He heard the low moan in her throat as his hand grazed her knee, the sound sliding between her lips before she could manage to control it. His skin was on fire, and from the heat radiating off of her body and into his, Nathaniel knew that hers was too. Her hands brushed his with an electric jolt as she took back her reins and pushed her horse faster, shutting off the conduit of their bond as best she could in the process. He watched her ride away, wishing he was bold enough to take her off into the treeline and _protect_ her right then.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel's night was not nearly as restful as he would have liked. He was kept awake with dreams of Elissa and a constant stream of confusion and raw desire that he could only assume relayed from her across their bond while she lay sleeping and unable to block it.<p>

From what he'd felt, he assumed her time in The Fade had been spent much the same, though he could not guarantee it was _him_ she'd been dreaming of.

"Maker's flaming co… **URGH**!" Elissa yelped, bringing Nathaniel to a stop outside the slightly open door at the rear of the throne room. "I don't understand how you can be so unbelievably _bad_ at this!"

"By all means let's stop then!" Anders snipped, backing away from her with his arms folded defensively. "I certainly never _asked_ for this tutorial!"

"I'm trying to help you, Anders! It wouldn't hurt you to be a bit more grateful!" Elissa hissed back, holding up a foot and rubbing at the toes he'd just crushed.

"_Help_ me?" Anders snorted, rolling his eyes as he cast a small mending spell in her direction. "I'd love to hear you explain how berating me and draining my mana pool on your delicate toes is meant to _help_ me."

"If you didn't keep breaking my delicate toes, you wouldn't need to keep healing them!" Elissa grumbled, sending their audience into peals of laughter as she continued. "I swear, I've fought ogres that were better dance partners than you!"

"Nice. Very nice…" Anders muttered, running his fingers through his hair and walking away.

"Wait, wait! I'm sorry… you're right, that was mean." Elissa said, dashing over to catch his arm before he could get away, "I'm just frustrated and running out of ideas on how to…" she trailed off, noticing Nathaniel lingering in the doorway at the back of the room. "Nathaniel! Excellent! You may be exactly what I need!"

"I've tried to tell you that before…" Nathaniel smirked, settling his features back to neutral when Elissa's eyes warned him she was in no mood for his banter at the moment.

"I've been trying to teach Anders how to dance so that he can astound the lovely ladies of Denerim with his charms, but it's not going very well." Elissa explained, listening to Anders huff beside her that she was involving Nathaniel in this debacle. "It would be nice to get the perspective of someone who is also familiar with the court dances."

"I offered my expert advice, but sadly the lady has declined…" Zevran smirked from his spot on the dais.

"Your idea of dancing is inappropriate for public viewing anywhere outside of Antivan whorehouses." Elissa snickered, rolling her eyes. "Alistair would have both our heads if I brought _that_ into the palace." Oghren and Sigrun joined in the laughter as she turned back to Nathaniel. "So… will you help us? I've no idea what I'm doing wrong."

"Well, for starters… doesn't the woman usually wear the dress?" Nathaniel chuckled, drawing an immediate glare from Anders.

"Ugh. Yes. More fun at my expense. Lovely." Anders groused, starting to leave again. "Thanks for trying, Elissa, but I'm rather full up on humiliation for the day."

"_Apologize_!" Elissa hissed, shoving Nathaniel forward when he seemed reluctant to do so.

"My _apologies_, Anders." Nathaniel grumbled, rolling his eyes at Elissa before affecting his most convincing smile as Anders turned back. "I simply meant it might be easier to learn the steps if your movement was less restricted."

"Hmm… you have a point." Elissa noted, eying Anders and tapping thoughtfully at her bottom lip before coming to a decision. "Take off your robes."

"Alright… I just want everyone here to remember you _asked_ me to do this…" Anders smirked, loosening up the ties at the front.

"Wait, what?" Elissa asked, reaching over to still his hands in a panic. "You weren't kidding when you said you went about naked under there, were you?"

"Why would I _kid_ about that?" Anders laughed, winking at her.

"Doesn't it get… drafty?" Elissa asked, eyes darting down subtly to his pelvis.

"On the contrary." Anders replied with a smile. "A little breeze can be quite enjoyable."

"Okay…" Elissa said, clearing her throat. "Anders keeps the robe _on_. Next suggestion?"

"Are you doing this without music?" Nathaniel asked, looking around the room as though a minstrel was hidden away somewhere.

"Sadly my bard is off protecting the Urn of Sacred Ashes, so unless you'd like to have Oghren favor us with one hundred and one sea shanties, yes, we are without music." Elissa groused, folding her arms as her expression grew more cross.

"Did you retain any of Father's original staff?" Nathaniel asked, ignoring both her sarcasm and her temper.

"Anyone I didn't fear would poison my dinner given a chance, yes." Elissa replied, glaring daggers at him. "I have no desire to deprive anyone of their livelihood simply because I didn't care for their former _employer_."

"A simple yes or no would have sufficed, Elissa." Nathaniel frowned, his own temper rising. "Did you keep Groundskeeper Samuel?"

"Of course! The man carved me a veritable army of wooden figurines while you and Fergus were off excluding me from whatever it was you were doing." Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes at him. "I could never remove him from this place. It's more his home than mine."

"He never carved me anything." Nathaniel retorted, clearly not believing her claims.

"Yes, well, _most_ people liked me more than you even when we were children." Elissa sniffed, arrogantly tipping her chin up in his direction.

"So says you…" Nathaniel sighed, rolling his eyes. "Do you know where he is?"

"Oh, I'd imagine he's somewhere on the grounds… _grounds keeping_." Elissa replied, smirking at him.

"That's ever so helpful, Elissa. Thank you." Nathaniel grumbled through the tension of his jaws as he attempted to rein in his temper. "I'll be back."

When he returned a few minutes later he was in a much better mood as he chatted with a lute toting Groundskeeper Samuel on their way to the dais. The wizened old elf smiled at Elissa politely and waited for whatever Nathaniel had instructed him to do.

"Okay. I think the main issue is that you can't learn something unless you've _seen_ it first." Nathaniel said, clearing his throat and motioning Elissa over to him. "Elissa, if you would."

"I'm fairly certain Anders could _see_ the steps as I was teaching them to him." Elissa grumbled, standing resolutely in her spot. She was unsure about the idea of allowing herself to be shuffled about in his arms after their last exchange on the horses.

"Would you have learned swordplay as easily without seeing someone fight first?" Nathaniel sighed, watching her hesitate. "My intentions are perfectly innocent here, Elissa. You have my word." Still she did not move. "As much as I'm certain Sigrun would enjoy being eye level with my… pelvic region… _you_ are the only other person in the room that knows all the steps. You asked for my help…"

"Ugh… fine!" Elissa sighed, moving over and sliding her hand into his while he settled his other against her hip.

She watched Sigrun wink at him as she set her free hand on his shoulder, trying to ignore the tingling of her skin everywhere they touched and the way his body seemed to radiate heat into her. A few moments later, Samuel started playing one of the easier waltzes allowing her to focus on her breathing and footwork and _not_ the way it felt to be moving with him again after all these years.

"You used to be better at this." Elissa noted, feeling him fumble his footwork again and remembering how blissfully easy they had moved together once upon a time.

"You _used_ to let me lead." Nathaniel grumbled, watching her stutter to a stop when she realized he was right.

"I-I'm sorry… Alistair has no idea how to…" Elissa replied, struggling to remember the lady's steps for a moment. "I guess I've led for so long, I've forgotten what it feels like not to."

"Well, _I'm_ perfectly capable of leading." Nathaniel answered, smirking at her with a gleam in his eye. "So, why don't you relax and let me be the man."

"I assure you, Alistair's lack of dance skills does _not_ detract from his ability to be a man." Elissa retorted, bristling at his insult and narrowing her eyes. "I _can_ go into detail, if you'd like."

"That won't be necessary." Nathaniel growled, snapping her in tighter against his body as Samuel changed to a more complicated tune on his signal.

Elissa felt herself falling into step with him as he moved them effortlessly around the room. With the usual stream of desire and fury flowing freely between them, the courtly exercise was just as much a battle as it was a dance, and yet to those watching it was like being given a glimpse at who they once were… and who they might have been had fate not conspired so cruelly against them.

Anders could easily envision an alternate future where they were the handsome Arl and beautiful Arlessa, ruling over their lands with a grace that came only at the hands of true nobility. Perhaps there was a redheaded little girl running about the hallways, or a dark haired little boy with eyes poured from silver. Perhaps there was another on the way.

But then the music ended, and the illusion shattered, leaving the two damaged individuals the mage had come to know breathing heavily in the middle of the room. Their struggle to balance desire against fury, confusion against certainty, was palpable to everyone around them.

"Dance class is over." Elissa said, her words breathy and shaking as she spun on her heel and strode out of the room.

Nathaniel stood a few moments longer, nostrils flaring as he fought against the urge to go after her. Eventually he simply ran his fingers through his hair with a muttered curse and stomped off in the opposite direction.

"This is going to be a disaster…" Anders noted, shaking his head and falling in with the others as they muttered various levels of concurrence and filtered from the room.


	15. Chapter 15: The Dream or The Struggle

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.  
><em>

_**A/N: **Something naughty this way comes... but not **too** naughty. It's more things that are hinted out than anything graphic as most things tend to be with me - but, as usual, I wanted to warn you up front! Buckle up! It promises to be a bit of a bumpy ride._

_Muse Music: Careless Whisper by Seether (cover of George Micheal original), Dancing Away With My Heart by Lady Antebellum, and Dancing by Elisa._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my fantastic Lady Beta **artemiskat** who did a lot of character theory debate with me on this one._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One  
><em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Fifteen: The Dream or The Struggle<strong>_

Elissa resolutely avoided direct contact with Nathaniel for the remainder of their time at The Keep, only acknowledging his presence when it was unavoidable and even then speaking in the practiced neutrality of the Warden-Commander rather than the cautiously flirtatious tones of the woman with whom he _had_ been re-forging a tenuous friendship.

Even now she physically distanced herself, tethering her horse off to the cart and sitting in the back with Anders, leaving Nathaniel to ride point alone with his tumultuous musings.

"I _am_ sorry, Anders." Elissa said sheepishly, attempting to smooth over the damage she'd done the day before in the throne room of Vigil's Keep. "I can't promise I won't say something awful to you again. I'm a hormonal bitch and I can't change that. But I didn't mean to hurt your feelings and you didn't deserve to be treated that way."

"You're right, I didn't!" Anders replied, folding his arms and trying his best to remain angry with her, though he knew it wouldn't last. "Not everyone grew up as privileged as you and Angry Lord Celibacy up there."

"I know." she answered, trying her best not to laugh at his latest jab at Nathaniel. "I really was doing it to help… and then my toes got sore, and it all seemed to go downhill from there…" she continued, watching him bristle when she mentioned her toes and realizing she'd stumbled over her words again. "Ugh… I'm really rubbish at any sort of relationship these days."

"Zevran seems happy enough." he smirked, trying to relieve a bit of the pressure he'd put on her when she showed just how upset the thought of having done true damage to their friendship was making her.

"Zevran requires little more than my trust and permission to occasionally cop a feel." Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes.

"We men are simple creatures…" Anders began, winking at her and watching her eyebrow rise as her eyes flicked his way.

"Tell me you do _not_ expect me to let you feel me up in order to smooth this over?" she muttered, shaking her head and laughing sadly.

"Pfft. I feel you up all the time healing your cuts and bruises, dear Lady." he snorted, leaning back in the cart and nearly waking the sleeping dwarves behind them. "However, I rarely get to _see_ anything…"

She paused for a second, watching him and thinking.

"If I do this, you speak of it to _no one_." Elissa insisted, beginning to unbuckle her chest plate as she glanced back over her shoulder to ensure no one else was watching.

"I cannot believe it! You're _actually_ going to flash me your bosom?" Anders gasped, sitting up quickly as color rushed into his face.

"Well I'm _certainly_ not flashing you anything else!" she hissed, hands stilling as her brow wrinkled in confusion. "Is this not what you wanted?"

"Well… yes, but I never expected you to take me up on it!" he said honestly, fretting at his sleeve a little. "I figured you'd refuse, I'd press the issue inappropriately, we'd banter, you know… the usual?"

"So you _don't_ want to see anything?" Elissa said, shaking her head in frustration.

"Yes and no… aaand now I'm uncomfortable." Anders replied, rubbing his face with his hands. "Can you buckle up your chest plate for me?"

"You've seen more of me than this and it's never bothered you before…" she mumbled, doing as he asked.

"Different context. Now it just feels… weird… like you're _paying_ me for my friendship with… flesh… and our relationship isn't like that. At least, I don't want it to be." Anders stuttered, trying to explain as best he could and seeing from the look on Elissa's face that he was failing miserably. "Look, Elissa. I haven't had a lot of friends, especially the female kind… and I don't think you have very many people you can really lean on right now – which makes what we have, or what I _think_ we have pretty important… to me, at least." He watched her features neutralize as his words started to sink in. "You're a beautiful woman. You know this… and I've said it myself before. I won't lie, I've thought about you in… _that_ way, and I probably will again… but, for now – I don't think you need the complications that could come from us pushing that boundary, and I don't want to risk what we _do_ have. When you aren't insulting me and forcing me to endure your tortuous dance lessons, of course."

"You really are something else." Elissa smiled, something twinkling in her eyes for a moment that he couldn't name before she leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

When she leaned back, it was gone as though it'd never been there – but Anders knew that for a moment he'd seen the smallest glimpse of whatever it was that had enraptured both Nathaniel and The King.

* * *

><p>Alistair was a nervous wreck. Truth be told, he'd <em>been<em> a nervous wreck from the moment that he'd sat down at his desk to find Elissa's acceptance on the top of his morning post. Knowing she was coming had been exhilarating, but now that she was here he found himself terrified to actually see her again.

When he'd walked away from her at Vigil's Keep, he'd had every intention of sticking resolutely to his decision to back away and force her to acknowledge and come to terms with whatever remained between her and Nathaniel Howe. But, as he stood outside the door to her chamber, he was uncertain that he would be able to follow through with it.

He fiddled with the stupid half-cape thing attached to the back of his finery one more time. Isolde had insisted it was the latest fashion and it made him look gallant, like one of the regal kings of old. Alistair thought it looked ridiculous, and gave him one more piece of clothing to get tangled up in over the course of the evening as he always seemed likely to do.

He took in one last deep breath and knocked, listening to the quick click of her heels as she moved across the room to answer the door. When she opened it, he couldn't speak. Maybe it was the physical and emotional distance that had opened up between them. Maybe it was the cut of the gown or the color of the fabric. He'd seen her in a dress plenty of times at that point. There was no reason for him to be so taken aback. Though, she seemed equally star-struck looking at him standing there in her doorway.

"You missed a button." Elissa said, smiling softly as she took a step toward him – hesitating as she reached for his chest. "May I?"

"Please. Can't go out there looking any _more_ like an idiot stable boy than I already do." Alistair sighed, realizing he was never likely to get the hang of any of this.

"I think you look fantastic." she replied, her voice low and almost shy – the skin of her cheeks and upper chest coloring slightly.

"You do?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her thoughtfully.

"Absolutely. You're a handsome man, Alistair. Isolde chose this well. It suits you." Elissa continued, stepping back and folding her fingers together at her waist. It really did. The deep wine material and light gold accenting were regal but subtle – perfect for a man like Alistair. "You shall have all the ladies of the kingdom lining up to be your Queen."

"All except the one I truly desire." Alistair replied, a sad honesty in his words that tore at Elissa's already aching heart.

"It was not me who walked away this time, Alistair." she answered, her words soft and void of the usual venom that could infect them when such accusations were thrown. "I understand why you did it, but do not lay that at my feet. I carry too many burdens at the moment to shoulder one more."

Alistair was taken back by how fragile she appeared. It was completely out of character for the Elissa he had come to know to allow anyone to see past her guise of control. That she would show so much of herself to him in these moments thrilled him more than it should have.

"You're right. I shouldn't have said that." he replied, offering his arm to her and relaxing when she slid her hand into the crook of his elbow and closed her door behind them. "You look amazing."

She blushed again, color flowing freely down her pale skin. The cut of her dress was striking, low enough to give him more than an eyeful of her assets but still perfectly tasteful. She wore a small short jacket, clearly a unique kind of wrap fashioned to cover her extensive tattooing for the evening. Though Alistair wouldn't have minded had it been visible, he knew Eamon would appreciate her efforts.

"I had to have a dress made. Everything else I owned was here and I wasn't sure if…" Elissa started, trailing off when he finished her thought.

"If I'd disposed of all your belongings." Alistair said, catching her nod. "No. Everything is exactly as you left it. You can take anything you'd like back with you, and anything else will remain here until we... until we reach whatever resolution is to come."

Elissa started to respond, stopping when she realized they'd made it to the outside of the ballroom. The sounds inside were raucous. Laughter, chatter and the occasional yelling she was fairly certain came from Oghren – all filtering through the door at them.

"Ready?" Alistair asked, waiting for her response before he acknowledged the guard who then opened the door for them.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel sat at the front table with the rest of the royal party and his fellow Wardens, eyes resolutely focused on the door at the rear of the room that he knew would eventually open to reveal Elissa and The King. He'd been seated as far away from the royal couple as he could possibly be put, and he knew better than to think for a second that it had been an accident. That fact just piled itself on top of his already limited patience and frayed nerves to create a maelstrom of testosterone charged fury within that only amplified itself as the moments ticked by.<p>

When the announcement of their entry boomed out over the crowd, Nathaniel downed the rest of what was either his third or maybe fourth ale as he stood. Glaring down toward the door, he mustered up the most genuine applause he could manage. The King looked perfect. Handsome and golden, with the charm of his crooked smile beaming out over the crowd. The Nobility loved him because he was a Theirin, and the last of his line. The People loved him because he was one of them, or had been before Elissa sat him on the throne. There was no one that didn't seem affected by his presence.

Then, as they made their way to the table – he saw Elissa for the first time. He thought he'd be prepared for anything, but he'd been wrong. The dark blue silk and silver thread-work of her new dress was disturbingly similar to the gown she had worn at her birthday party. Then it had been _his_ elbow her hand had threaded into, _his_ hand she sought out for comfort and support. Now, that place belonged to The King.

Alistair made his speech, acknowledging Elissa and her Wardens with a smile that seemed to skip over the far back end of the table. Nathaniel had to admit the man was good. His rich voice made anything he said seem genuine, though in his case it probably was. Alistair was without guile. A sincere wish to be true and good shining out from within him and easy for all to see. Had things been different, Nathaniel was certain he _could_ have genuinely liked and respected the man. But, things were what they were. So as the evening progressed and The King led his chosen Queen out onto the dance floor, Nathaniel's blood began to boil and he continued to drink in an attempt to calm his raging temper.

Watching them together was like flashing back in time. He could remember his anger when a similar blonde head had turned her about the dance floor while he could do nothing but watch and hope that Elissa stayed true to him. _Though, Cailan never stumbled…_ Nathaniel thought, chuckling when he realized that his dance with Elissa had reset her to expect her partner to lead.

"_If you want me to lead, Elissa, you're going to have to pick another time to teach me those steps!_" Alistair hissed, covering up his discomfort with a smile he hoped would draw attention off of them.

"I'm… **ow**! _I'm sorry_!" Elissa whispered back, trying not to limp when he stomped on her foot again, and offering her own smile as she fell back into her routine of maneuvering the dance. "I wasn't thinking… I…" her words trailed off as she looked over his shoulder and saw the man approaching. "Maker, no… _oh, please_…"

"What are you…" Alistair started, making to turn his own head before the voice made it clear what had her so concerned

"Pardon me, _Your Majesty_." Nathaniel said, bowing low and smiling a perfectly innocuous smile at him. "I was wondering if I might cut in for a dance or two?"

"I'm not sure if I…" Alistair started, eyes narrowing on the man.

"_It's fine_!" Elissa whispered, smiling over her discomfort and encouraging Alistair to do the same. "_Don't make a scene._"

Alistair passed her over into Nathaniel's arms after that, moving back to the table and watching as the man moved them effortlessly through the end of the song that had already been playing.

"What are you doing?" Elissa asked, keeping her face as neutral as she could manage while she attempted to read the man in front of her.

He looked fantastic, and as he settled her in against him she realized he _smelled_ fantastic too. The cut of his clothing was perfect, and his dark hair was loose and tucked lightly behind one ear giving him that vaguely dangerous look she'd fallen so hard for in her youth.

"Dancing, at the moment." Nathaniel replied, snapping her in closer as the music changed over to the very song that Samuel had played days before back at The Keep.

"You _didn't_!" she gasped, looking frantically at the crowd around them. Most of the nobility had been there at her birthday party years ago when they'd pawed each other on the dance floor, and now those same eyes watched with curiosity as they whispered frantically among themselves.

"I did." he smirked, casually moving her into the steps of the dance and ignoring her initial discomfort.

As the song progressed, Elissa couldn't help but relax into it. Nathaniel spun and turned her, slid her arms through his and around him so effortlessly they may as well have just been taking a casual stroll. He was gentle, but firm – and absolutely in charge. Where Alistair was cautious and self-effacing, Nathaniel was bold and confident. His was a dominant personality, and Elissa could feel herself falling victim to the seduction of it as he twirled her and snapped her back against him once again.

Nathaniel would always challenge her, always push her to justify her reasoning and prove her rationale. He would never just give in and let her have her way, not without a fight. He could be abrasive and arrogant, but he could also push her to be better and stand his ground when she was wrong. Nathaniel was just as likely to lead as he was to follow, and a part of her _craved_ that so desperately it was frightening.

When the song came to an end, Nathaniel dipped her back with a flourish – so low the curls of her hair brushed against the polished marble of the floor. When he brought them back up, her pulse was racing – and she could feel his doing the same beneath her palm where it had come to rest against his chest.

Suddenly it was too much. It was all too much. The walls were closing in and everyone was staring and she couldn't breathe. She shoved away from him, muscling her way through the crowd and out of the hall – not caring about the shocked whispers in her wake as both Nathaniel and Alistair tore off after her.

She was desperate to escape, holding her skirts up and dashing down the halls, kicking off both her shoes when one of the heels snapped then continuing to run. She would have kept running forever had her metaphorical inability to breathe not turned into an _actual_ inability to breathe, sending her falling back against the cold stone wall and struggling to draw more air into her lungs.

That's how they found her. Nathaniel skidding to a stop in front of her with Alistair hot on his heels.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Nathaniel asked, his own breathing labored from both the dance and the chase.

"Did he _do_ something to you?" Alistair inquired, moving to her other side and taking one of her hands into his own.

"What do you mean _did I do something to her_?" Nathaniel hissed, eyes narrowed as he took Elissa's other arm and checked her pulse, which was racing as he already knew. "We were in a room full of people! Of _course_ I didn't do anything to her!"

"Like that would have stopped you." Alistair snorted, rolling his eyes. "Certainly never stopped your sick bastard of a father!"

Elissa's eyes flicked back and forth between them, angry and more than a little freaked out that they seemed more intent on arguing than seeing to her well being at the moment.

"Can't… breathe!" she managed finally, drawing both of their attention back down to her once more.

"You're having a panic attack. You have to calm down." Alistair insisted, reaching up to her shoulder and trying to encourage her to relax with his touch.

She shook her head, frantically gesturing to her chest as she attempted to draw in several more labored breaths to no avail.

"You're having chest pains? You're choking?" Alistair questioned, growing increasingly panicked when she shook off both suggestions. "Were you poisoned?" he growled, glaring up at Nathaniel until she sank her nails into his arm and shook her head. "I'm sorry…. I-I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"C-Corset…" Elissa gasped, the words barely audible as she turned frantic eyes to Nathaniel hoping he would understand what Alistair could not.

"It's the dress. It's too tight now that she's panicked." Nathaniel explained, watching Alistair move in behind her and tug off the cover so he could get at the laces. "The corset is restricting her ribcage too much and she can't breathe."

"Maker, what kind of demented person designs these contraptions!" Alistair huffed, beginning to perspire as he fumbled with the elaborate lacing at the back of her dress.

Nathaniel watched Elissa's panic continuing to rise as The King struggled to get the holds of the garment free while muttering scattered curses from behind her. Her green eyes were wide and fearful, pleading with him to do something as her breathing became even more erratic and her lips began to turn blue.

"Move!" Nathaniel growled, shoving Alistair aside and making a go at her laces himself.

It was useless. All Alistair had managed to do was knot them even tighter together. He pulled in a deep breath, threading his fingers through his hair and trying to come up with something, _anything_ he could do to save her. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him, and he reached down to roughly tug up the layers of Elissa's skirts so he could get an arm beneath them.

"Now _that's_ just inappropriate!" Alistair yelled, gripping Nathaniel's arm and forcefully deterring him from his task.

"I'm not trying to fondle her, you idiot!" Nathaniel retorted, glaring at the man. "I'm trying to get to the dagger you and I _both_ know she's got strapped under there. The laces are a wash, I'm going to have to cut her out."

Elissa nodded, squeezing Alistair's arm to reassure him so that he would relax and let Nathaniel go. When he did, the archer slid his hand back under her skirt and found the ridge of the leather sheath with his fingers, freeing the blade and drawing it into his hand. It didn't take much after that, just a simple pop of the blade through the lacing of the dress allowing him access to the corset beneath. Nathaniel didn't even attempt to unlace it, snapping the dagger through its ties as well and sending both offending garments rushing to the floor at their feet.

Elissa fell back then, taking Alistair along with her where she'd been leaning against him and pulling Nathaniel to slump at her side when she did not release the grip on his hand.

"Thank the Maker!" Elissa sighed, chuckling lightly as she drew in several great heaving breaths of air. "I thought I was going to suffocate right here in Cailan's stupid gaudy hallway while you two played King of the Castle!"

"That would have been a short game." Alistair responded, his voice distinctly less annoyed than his wording might have alluded. "I'm fairly certain there was a ceremony at some point that made _me_ the King of this particular castle."

"Don't start…" Elissa warned, smiling as she leaned back against him and covered his arm with her own where it had wrapped around her waist.

She closed her eyes, breathing easily and allowing herself to languish in contentment for a moment. Her thumb kept a steady pace against Nathaniel's hand where she still held it within her own.

It was in that moment that both Alistair and Nathaniel seemed to realize that Elissa sat between them clothed only in her very sheer slip and the gauzy underthings she wore beneath it. Suddenly the movement of her chest as she breathed was hypnotic, and they both felt their bodies falling in synch with it.

Elissa felt the shift as well. Her eyes flickered open as desire pulsed into her from both Alistair's blood tie and the soul conduit she now shared with Nathaniel. Before she knew what was happening, Alistair was pressing his soft mouth against the bare skin of her neck and shoulder. She moaned, tilting her head back as she watched Nathaniel's pupils dilate in response to her own, his pulse racing into hers as he leaned in to kiss her.

Her rational mind screamed at her to stop, willing her body and her heart to listen. This was wrong, so _very_ wrong on so many levels… but she could not deny she desired these men, both of them. To have them so close, and so completely consumed by their own desire, was intoxicating. The evidence of that attraction pressed from Alistair into her back and darkened Nathaniel's eyes from stormy gray to the blackest night - and in the face of it, Elissa found she could resist no longer. She wound one hand up into Alistair's hair, encouraging him as he slid the strap of her slip aside to suck and bite at her shoulder. She threaded the fingers of her other hand into Nathaniel's dark locks, parting her lips as his tongue sought entry into her mouth to deepen the kiss they already shared.

"Elissa, are you…" Anders said, his words worried as he skidded to a stop at the sight of discarded clothing and writhing bodies now in front of him. "Andraste's ass, I've _really_ got to stop seeing this stuff!"

"What? Oh…" Elissa moaned, eyes working hard to focus on him as she drew away from first Nathaniel, then Alistair – grabbing up her ruined dress and covering her body to try and regain some sense of modesty. "Shit! What were we? _Shit_!"

Anders watched both Alistair and Nathaniel shake off whatever spell they'd been under, coming back to themselves again and shifting awkwardly with the realization of what they'd almost done. The mage began to wonder if that lunatic of a Templar Rylock hadn't been on to something when she'd spoken of the unnatural hold Elissa seemed to have over men. From everything he'd seen, and everything he'd begun to feel hints of himself, she was entirely capable of completely bending at least those of the masculine persuasion to her will if she so desired.

"Look, your secret is safe with me… as usual…" Anders grumbled, reaching down to help Elissa to her feet and holding her eyes in the process. "But if you plan to continue… whatever it is I interrupted, you're going to want to find some place _other_ than the hall to… _do_ it. I wasn't the only one headed this way, and I'm fairly certain The King's uncle won't be so understanding."

"Eamon! Oh, Alistair…" Elissa pleaded, turning her eyes to the man as she hovered on the verge of tears. "_Please_! You have to take me to the Royal Suite! You can kick me out after. You can ban me from the palace if you want, but _please_… don't let Eamon see me this way! My dress is ruined…"

She watched him hesitate, weighing the options in his desire clouded mind before finally giving in.

"Come on." Alistair responded, helping to gather up the remnants of her gown and taking her hand with a comforting squeeze. "We'd nearly gotten there by accident anyway."

Elissa tossed a sorrowful look to Nathaniel over her shoulder and disappeared inside a doorway just down the hall.


	16. Chapter 16: Throwing Down the Gauntlet

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N: WARNING****! NSFW** material contained within! You have been warned! Nothing too graphic, but I like to make sure people know what's coming so they can avoid it if necessary._

_Muse Music: Just Tonight by The Pretty Reckless_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! And to my wondrous Lady Beta **artemiskat**!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Sixteen: Throwing Down the Gauntlet<strong>_

Eamon hadn't been far behind Alistair and Elissa at all, just as Anders had warned them, and Elissa found herself thanking her lucky stars for the mage's friendship once again. She could hear Alistair making excuses on her behalf in the other room as she rummaged about in the bureaus and closets for something acceptable to wear back to the Warden Enclave.

"That went about as well as I expected…" Alistair sighed, threading his fingers through his hair and falling back against the archway of the door that separated the rooms of the Royal Suite.

He watched her shoulders sag, her hands and arms trembling slightly as she pulled several items of clothing out and tossed them in a messy pile on the bed behind her.

"I-I'm sorry, Alistair. It's my fault the evening was ruined… you shouldn't have had to make excuses…" Elissa whispered, unable to turn and meet his eyes for fear of what she felt certain she'd see in them. "I will send out a formal apology to Eamon once I've returned to The Keep."

"And say _what_, exactly?" he asked, words chosen in anger though his voice relayed only his confusion and his sorrow. "Sorry I almost engaged in questionable sexual relations with your nephew and the spawn of Ferelden's greatest enemy in the royal hallway?"

"I certainly never meant for that to happen…" she began, close to tears as waves of shame coursed through her.

"What _did_ happen?" Alistair questioned, noticing that she did not turn when he moved behind her, though she certainly sensed him there. "I mean, you're still every bit as beautiful as the day I met you… and you know I've always been attracted to you… but that – that was like nothing I've ever felt. The pull from your blood on mine… it was stronger even than back in Orzammar after The Provings, and we could barely manage to pull apart sometimes. Tonight I was near powerless to deny it."

"I-I don't know. Maybe it's to do with Avernus' concoction, though I've seen nothing in his notes that would lead me to believe any of the others were affected this way. Of course they didn't actually _live_ this long, for the most part…" Elissa replied, finally turning toward him though she was still hesitant to meet his eyes. "Maybe it's just that I missed you… Maker I've missed you _so_ much… a-and I haven't been with anyone since…"

"You can't expect me to believe you and that pompous ass haven't been going at it like bunnies from the very moment I walked out your door!" he snorted, temper flaring at the thought that she would lie to him again.

"We haven't!" Elissa insisted, hand coming up to clutch his face before she could think better of it. "I won't say I haven't thought about it, but our bodies have not joined together." She assured him, choosing her words carefully so they wouldn't be just another in a long string of lies. "I love _you_, Alistair. I want _you_."

He stared at her, the heat from her hand seeping into his skin, making him feel as though he'd never known warmth before her touch – and that he'd never know it again without her. Amber eyes searched emerald for any hint of duplicity, but found nothing – nothing but sorrow, love, and desire – the same emotions building within his own heart as he stood with her again at arms length.

"I love you, Elissa – and I miss you. Maker I miss you so much it nearly breaks me every day." Alistair said, reaching out to pull her into his arms and leaning his forehead down to hers as he had so many times before. "I don't know how to _be_ without you. I must have known, at some point… but I can't remember anymore." He moved one hand up to stroke at her cheek. "I want to take you back. To go back to believing that you will come back to me at the end of the day just because you always have – but I'm not that man anymore. I can't be. Not now that I know how you are with _him_. Not now that I've seen your reaction when he touches you."

"I-I… I understand." she said, voice cracking as a tear leaked from the corner of her eye and started to run slowly down her cheek. "I don't like it… it breaks my heart, but I understand. Just let me dress and take some things and I'll go."

She leaned up and placed a soft, lingering kiss on his cheek, meaning to turn away, but his arms held her in place.

"It's wrong to want this. I know it, but here it is…" he started, eyes pressed shut as he fought with his own internal battle. "I know nothing has changed. I know we will wake up tomorrow and be these same fractured souls, struggling to run their way out of quicksand… but for tonight, _just_ tonight… can we put it all aside? Forget The King and The Hero of Ferelden. Forget the Warden-Commander and Senior Warden. Forget everything and just be Alistair and Elissa, two people who once loved each other beyond anything in this world."

"If it's what you want, then yes… but I need for you to be certain." Elissa replied, rubbing at his cheeks with her thumbs until he opened his eyes again and looked at her. "I do not wish to be another of your regrets in the morning."

"You will be another of my regrets in the morning whether I bed you tonight or not." Alistair answered with a sad laugh. "And if I am to regret you regardless, then I'd rather do so after having known what it was to simply believe again, for no other reason than I have you at my side, that anything was possible."

Now it was Elissa who hesitated. He could see it in her eyes. The fear that everything Flemeth had predicted was coming true. That just by touching him she would be seeping like poison into his very soul.

He saw it when she fought it off, refusing to believe it true – refusing to believe that this man, this beautiful true-hearted man in front of her who she loved so very much could be taken away from her by some swamp witch's stupid prophecy.

After that it was all lips, and hands, and skin. Every inch of them joined together. Every part of them reaching out and clinging to the other, praying that they could somehow manage to find a way through this. To find a way to just _be_ Alistair and Elissa. Two people who once loved each other beyond anything in this world.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel trudged through the halls silently, only half-listening to whatever it was the mage was on him about now. He was furious and ashamed, and unable to discern what feelings were his own and what was coming from Elissa as she spoke with The King behind the closed doors of the Royal Suite.<p>

"What exactly were you thinking this time?" Anders sighed, winding himself and the ever more troublesome archer through the hallways as stealthily as possible. "I find myself really needing to hear the logic behind this the most thick headed of your decisions. I know I often call you stupid, Nathaniel… but you're actually quite intelligent. Certainly much more intelligent than tonight would make you out to be, at any rate, which is why I can't understand…"

His words trailed off as he noticed motion from the corner of his eye, watching as the archer detoured suddenly over to a nearby wall and leaned heavily against it, subtly placing a hand to his hip before he drew in and released a long slow breath.

"Are you alright?" Anders asked, cautiously moving closer to the volatile man's side.

"Tell me we are close to our quarters." Nathaniel muttered, his voice raspy and shaken. "Tell me we are _not_ wandering these hallways because you have gotten us lost."

"No, we're not lost…" Anders replied, eying him suspiciously when he breathed in heavily again and pressed his eyes closed. "Are you _sure_ you're alright?"

"I'm… fine. I just really need some time… _alone_…" Nathaniel mumbled, still refusing to move or even look up to acknowledge the other man's presence.

What Anders didn't know, what he couldn't possibly understand, was that Nathaniel now found himself fighting – as best he could manage at any rate – against wave after wave of intense pleasure. It coursed through his blood like wildfire and made it all too obvious what it was Elissa had gotten up to with The King.

He tried to reach out to her and ask her to stop, or to find some way to shut himself off and sever the connection the way she could sometimes do with him, but the focus required to keep himself from visibly and audibly reacting to the steady stream of orgasmic sensation pumping into him was already almost more than he could manage.

"Keep the temper in check a few minutes longer, Howe." Anders snorted, rolling his eyes at the temperamental archer's inability to control his emotions. "Once you've locked yourself safely away in your own room, you can feel free to go apeshit for all I care."

A minute later Nathaniel slammed his fist into the wall hard enough to split his knuckles open and Anders began to wish he'd just left the poor bastard to wander the labyrinthine castle hallways on his own.

"Perhaps I should just point you in the right direction…" Anders muttered, starting to back slowly away – as though any sudden movement would draw the other man's fury down upon him.

"I'm not going to attack you, Anders!" Nathaniel hissed, turning his face in the mage's direction for just a moment, but that moment was all it took for Anders to see what was really going on.

"Oh, Maker you're… and that means she's…" Anders' eyes grew wide as realization washed over him. "She's _with_ The King, isn't she?" Nathaniel didn't answer, but the quick desire clouded flick of his eyes and the barely stifled groan from the latest wave coursing through him were all the answer required. "Come on. Room's this way."

When Anders left Nathaniel at the door to his room, it was in a rare moment of compassion toward the broody nobleman. He provided him with a sleeping potion and even offered to heal his still bloody hand.

"Leave it." Nathaniel grumbled, taking the vial with as much grace as he could manage. "I'd rather feel _that_ than what I've been feeling."

"Take that potion before you lie down." Anders said, nodding at him sympathetically. "It's strong enough to put down a horse, so I imagine it will work fine on you."

Nathaniel nodded, closing the door behind him and leaving Anders to wonder how he was going to make it through the night without losing his mind.

* * *

><p>Elissa tried to go to sleep with Alistair, but found herself restless and unable to join him in The Fade. After tossing and turning for hours, she finally gave up, deciding to make a trip out to the Warden Cache in search of anything that might be useful back in Amaranthine.<p>

She dug out and dressed in the old black cat-suit she'd worn back in her days as the Dark Wolf, laughing a little when she thought back on how simple those times had been in the face of all the chaos that now swirled around her. Slipping silently into the hall, she made her way from the Royal Suite down to the Warden Enclave. With a price on her head, she knew it was too risky to go out alone and so she moved down the hall intent on rousting Anders to accompany her. But as she stood there outside of Anders' door raising her fist to knock against it, she found that her eyes kept straying over to Nathaniel's.

"_Nathaniel__!_" Elissa whispered, moving over to his door and softly knocking before she pressed her ear to the wood to listen for a response.

When she heard no answer or even the rustle of motion from inside, she attempted to reach out to him through the conduit, but even then was greeted by silence. Either he had discovered some way to shield himself from her more effectively than he had in the past, or he was simply ignoring her attempts to reach out to him. Elissa wagered it was the former as Nathaniel was far too temperamental for her to sense nothing at all.

She pulled loose her lock picks from her hair, knowing she'd now moved from simply seeking an escort to inappropriately invading the man's privacy. She told herself that she was merely checking in on him. It was her right and her responsibility as Warden-Commander, and after what they'd been through over the course of the day, his mental well-being was a very valid concern.

The lock posed no challenge, sliding into place quickly and quietly at the subtle movements of Elissa's skilled hands. She pressed the door open slowly, darting inside and pulling it back silently behind her.

"_Nathaniel_?" she whispered again, slightly louder now that she was in the confines of his room, but still there was no response.

She listened to him breathing as she waited for her eyes to adjust to the dim moonlight of the room. As her pupils dilated and her vision leveled, she made her way slowly over to his bed.

The closer she got to him, the more obvious it became just how bad an idea it had been for her to come here. Nathaniel had not been lying when he'd claimed to wear nothing to bed. The blanket and sheet had drifted down while he tossed about in slumber, leaving his entire upper torso and one hip completely bared to her eyes. She'd seen that much of him years before in the waters off the coast of Vigil's Keep, then again in her Highever bedroom right before everything fell apart. But he had been much different then.

When Elissa had noted his bulkier physique upon seeing him in the cell of his father's prison, she'd really no idea just _how_ much he'd filled out. Seeing him now, the differences between Nathaniel the teenager and Nathaniel the man were far greater than she could have imagined. He'd always been attractive, physically fit and well groomed… but now his chest and abdomen were heavily muscled and chiseled as though from stone. It was an unusually powerful build for an archer, and Elissa wondered just what it was he'd been up to all those years he was away. The distinct cut of his bicep twitched as he dreamed of something, his arms tucked up behind his head where several strands of his hair had fallen across his cheek, and Elissa chewed at her lip as she watched him breathe.

If the years had not been kind to his psyche, they had most certainly granted all of their graces to his physique. When she came to a stop at his side, she had to fight hard to resist the urge to reach out and run her fingers through the scattered dark hair that marked his pectoral muscles before thickening into a long dark trail that disappeared beneath the blanket pooled at his waist. She'd touched him in such a way before, and dreamed of doing it again more times than she dared to remember. But things were different now, and they were not the same people they had been in their youth.

She finally leaned down, intending to reach out and lightly touch his face or shoulder in an attempt to rouse him from his slumber, but her braid slipped free from where she'd tucked it behind her back and dropped down to smack across his chin.

The next thing she knew he'd snatched her wrist and flipped her down, pinning her hard to the bed beneath him. His eyes were wide and frantic and still half clouded from sleep. She could sense that he was looking for a weapon.

"Nathaniel. It's just me. Calm down." Elissa insisted, hoping her voice would snap him out of it because he'd managed to pin her in such a way that she had no hope of reaching the daggers on her thighs.

"Elissa? What are you…" Nathaniel asked, attempting to shake off the last of Anders' concoction and regain his focus. "Is this a dream?"

"_No_, it's not a dream!" Elissa snorted, struggling against his hold where he held her arms to the mattress above her head. "What's wrong with you?"

"Anders gave me something to help me sleep." Nathaniel replied, releasing one of her hands so that he could rub the lingering remnants of The Fade from his eyes. "It was… _potent_."

"A sleeping potion? Why would you need a sleeping potion?" Elissa asked, watching his hand fall back from his eyes as he leveled her with a look of supreme annoyance. "What? It's nothing to do with me!"

"Tell me, how did you spend your evening, Elissa?" Nathaniel asked, jaw clenched as he glared down at her. "Was it restful? Did you get a lot of sleep?"

"_Oh, no_… Nathaniel…" Elissa said, eyes hooded with a mix of shame and sorrow when she realized what he was saying to her. "Tell me you didn't… you _couldn't_…"

"I felt _everything_. Your mortification, your misery… and that was okay. Nothing more than what I've grown accustomed to. Nothing more than what I was already feeling myself. But then, **then** wave after wave after sodding _wave_ of pleasure…" his tongue lingered over every syllable of the word, sending goose bumps rushing over her skin. "And I felt… _Every. Last. Bit._"

He punctuated each of the last three words with a thrust of his hips against her pelvis, forcing Elissa to become painfully aware that she lay pinned beneath him, in _his_ bed, while he pressed naked, save one thin piece of linen, against her. She felt the length of him hardening against her thigh, her own body reacting to it as her pulse shifted and settled into her pelvis where it throbbed at her, heavy and unyielding.

"Why did you come here?" he asked, deep baritone vibrating her mouth where he lingered so close to her.

"There's a Warden Cache here in the city. I-I needed someone to accompany me…" she began, astonished at how wanton her own voice sounded though she'd willed it not to be so.

"You picked my lock… invaded my personal space, uninvited, and woke me from sleep in a less than desirable fashion so that you could drag me out to a supply cache in the middle of the night?" Nathaniel snorted, raising an eyebrow at her with his smirk. "Spare me, Elissa. You could have taken any of us… but you came barging in here even after I didn't answer my door. And so I ask you again, _why_ did you come here?"

"I already told you!" Elissa snipped, her breasts pressing into his chest with every breath as her temper increased – something she watched him notice. Something that only made the problem pressing against her pelvis more evident.

"I don't buy it." he chuckled, the rumble of it carrying over into her own body. "I think maybe you came here to _thank me_ for saving your life… again. Or did you already _give_ all the gratitude you had to offer to The King. The King who did _nothing_ but fumble your laces into knots while you suffocated in front of him."

"I did not lie with Alistair out of gratitude!" she hissed, her body trembling harder as fury mixed in with the want that already shook her to the core. "I desire him. I love him."

"Well, there's no use denying you desire me. We both know if you were as… exposed as I find myself at the moment, we would find you wet and ready from want of me…" Nathaniel growled, smiling when Elissa could not suppress the moan that slid between her parted lips as he traced his fingers up the inside of her thigh. "So, again, it all comes back to love. The love we both know you still carry in your heart for me, though you may refuse to speak of it under the harsh light of day."

"I thought we were to be friends! You sat there and promised me! You swore that you could do it, that you would try… and like a fool I believed you!" Elissa breathed, feeling him graze his lips against her jaw and pressing her eyes shut against the sensation. "But you never meant it. You never meant _any_ of it. You'll just keep pushing until I bend to your will, and I'll keep bending until I break. Because that's what you do, Nathaniel. You _break_ me. You always have."

"I did not break you before, Elissa, and I'm certainly not out to break you now! I am sorry that you suffered heartache on my behalf, but it was my father that caused it and we both know that now!" he responded, more than a little frustrated that she'd blamed him yet again for things beyond his control. "I cannot understand why you continue to blame me for something I lacked the ability to prevent!"

"I have absolved you of the guilt for those things for which your father was truly responsible, but that morning on the ramparts of Highever it was _you_ who walked away. Even after I begged you to stay, to run away with me." her tears were falling now – tears of fury, sorrow and regret all mixed together into a torrent of despair that she could do nothing to prevent. "_Eight years_! Eight bloody years I waited for you, praying you'd come back, praying you'd give up that insane need you always felt to prove your worth to a man who would never see it! The day I got that letter from your father I was leaving for the Free Marches. I'd paid my passage on a boat docked off the coast. I was coming to find you."

"You were coming for me?" Nathaniel whispered, voice softening as he pulled back to search her eyes.

"Yes. I was willing to sacrifice _everything_ for you! My home, my family, my entire world! I was going to leave it all behind for a chance to be with you – though you had given me eight years of nothing!" Elissa snapped, finally pushed to her breaking point where the stubborn man on top of her was concerned.

"I was with you every second of that time! I wrote to you every day!" he responded, knowing it was a weak defense in the face of all she had revealed to him.

"Empty words! Cold, paper promises! All gone now… lost to time and trauma and _fire_. All meaningless in the end. You would have stayed in the Free Marches forever trying to earn your father's approval. I know that now." Elissa said, voice breaking with every word. "I know what it takes to be with you, Nathaniel Howe. I know what it is to love you. You require complete submission. You will accept nothing less. And I cannot lose myself like that again. I will not. Not to you – not to anyone."

"And you think your King, your _Alistair_ does not wish submission from you? That he will not ask for such a sacrifice? Do you think you would be retaining who you are while you lolled about in pretty dresses having teas and cakes with the ridiculous nobility of Ferelden?" Nathaniel retorted, full of venom and spite as he thought on the very idea that he could be losing her to such a man. "Yes, I seek some sort of submission from you – I will not deny that – nor should you deny that I would be sacrificing as much of myself were I to truly be with you. But if you think that to take his ring, to wear the crown he offers you is any kind of freedom… then you are a fool. He would shackle you just the same – to the life you never wanted, to the one you once begged me to help you escape. The only difference between us is I would stand beside you, Elissa. I would _never_ leave you to shoulder this burden alone. But not your King. Your perfect, golden, King is perfectly willing to toss it all on your pyre – taking the credit while _you_ sacrifice blood and body to pay his way, to pay _everyone's_ way, while he trails along behind you like nothing more than a well trained mabari."

She struck him then, hard enough to split his lip against his teeth when her palm made contact with his face. His tongue dipped out to taste the blood there, and Nathaniel's carefully maintained control all came crashing down. He grabbed her free hand, pinning it back with her other to the mattress beneath them and leaned forward to roughly claim her mouth, working persistently at her lips with his tongue until she gave in and let him inside. He plundered her then, sucking on her tongue, teasing her bottom lip with his teeth as he pressed himself harder against her soft body. He shifted her wrists over to his left hand, freeing his right to slide down and squeeze against her breast, groaning into her mouth when he felt the bud of her nipple growing hard beneath the palm of his hand. When he pulled back to breathe, her lips were bruised from his attentions and red with the blood from his own injury, and he could see the fury in her eyes that he had dared to hold her there, and to take such liberties against her will.

"_Let. Me. Go._" she hissed, struggling against his hold more violently. Though her body may have reacted to his touch, her eyes were pure venom - and she fed that fury into him through their bond - forcing him to acknowledge just how wrong he had been to push her so far.

In her words Nathaniel heard many things, and in that moment, Elissa had meant them all. He thought briefly about apologizing or even pressing her further, but both seemed equally unappealing choices at the time, and so he finally rolled aside to release her. She sat up, throwing her legs over the edge of the bed and leaning forward against her knees, face in her hands as she tried to calm herself enough to speak.

"It was foolish of me to believe we could _ever_ be friends. That we could somehow manage to forget our pasts and start over…" Elissa muttered, words tinged with hatred and misery and the empty echo of regret. "And so I shall be your Commander, nothing more. I will give you orders, and you will follow them… because if you cannot, then I will ship you to the farthest corner of Thedas before you can bat an eye, Nathaniel. _I swear it__!_"

She did not even look at him as she rose from the bed and strode from the room, pressing the door closed behind her. Nathaniel let the torrent of her emotions rush into him again, sagging back onto the mattress and cursing himself for being so easily driven out of his mind by all the things he felt for her. This time he had pressed too far.

* * *

><p>Elissa had risen early and taken Alistair along with her to visit the Warden Cache. She'd been thrilled to discover that he had restocked it with many things that would be useful to her in the coming months as she struggled to rebuild the blight-ravaged lands of Amaranthine, thanking him profusely in the isolated confines of the locked room, several times, before they made their way back into the Royal Quarter to start the day.<p>

Alistair lent her several of his knights to help reload the Warden's now overloaded cart with the supplies she'd requested, excusing himself for a brief meeting with Eamon though he promised to return before she left for The Keep to say goodbye.

She stood just beyond the cart now, speaking in hushed tones to Swiftrunner who had finally evened out his temper enough to seek her out. There was much to apologize for, and Elissa knew it, and so she was far too deep in conversation with the man to notice the two sets of eyes watching her from just beyond the courtyard archway.

"I blamed the strength of the taint within his blood for drawing her to him for a long time, well, that and his poncey Orlesian accent…" Alistair said, chuckling as he moved out of the shadows to stand beside the other man who watched Elissa through the stone arches of the barrier wall. "But now that I've gotten a good look at you, it really is almost frightening how much you actually _look_ like the man." He raised an eyebrow, inspecting and recognizing the armor he wore. "And I see she's even dressed you up in his armor. I'm tempted to feel bad for the man, but I won't… he _did_ take my fiancé to his bed after all."

"Should I know who this is you're speaking of?" Nathaniel growled, jaw tensing as he gauged The King's intentions. He'd known the armor had belonged to another Warden, but he'd had no idea that man had once been Elissa's lover.

"Oh! She didn't tell you about him?" Alistair laughed, pursing his lips and gazing out at the woman in question for a moment. "Guess it must not have meant as much to her as I thought at the time…"

"I should probably excuse myself, _Your Majesty_." Nathaniel responded, barely able to manage the speaking of the phrase without biting through his own tongue in fury. "I feel I did not sleep well enough last night to have sufficient patience for the conversation you seem intent on having."

"Tsk, tsk. And here I thought you were different from your father. Elissa certainly seems to think you are redeemable." Alistair said, grinning when his barb hit home lighting the temper in the other man's eyes.

"I may not be my father, but I _am_ a man very much in love with a woman you seem intent on claiming." Nathaniel retorted, eyes narrowing as he fought to rein in his fury. "It is difficult, at best, for me to tolerate your gloating."

"Gloating?" Alistair laughed, eyebrows shooting up in amusement. "I wasn't aware that admitting the woman I intend to marry had cheated on me with a man specifically chosen for his resemblance to you was _gloating_, but if it makes you feel more justified in your anger to call it that, then go right ahead. Though, if I wanted to gloat, I'd probably just mention the numerous ways in which I pleasured the woman _you_ love in _my_ bed while you lay sleeping, alone, just down the hall."

"Oh, I am aware!" Nathaniel hissed, mouth curving up in a grin when he noted The King's surprise at that revelation. "She admitted as much to me when I pressed her into my mattress later that night."

"You're lying. If you'd lain with her, I would know." Alistair asserted, taking two steps forward and glaring angrily at the man.

"Would you?" Nathaniel asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"You're a liar, just like your father – trying to use anger to goad me into doing something I'll regret." Alistair said, backing away and reining in his fury though he turned his eyes out to Elissa as though he could read the truth there.

"Perhaps I am. Or, perhaps that's simply what you need to tell yourself to make it okay that _I'll_ be sleeping at her side tonight, while you bed down alone." Nathaniel chuckled, knowing he was walking a dangerous path but long past caring.

"I won't give her up without a fight, Howe." Alistair spat, turning to him one last time before he moved into the courtyard. "I will do what I feel necessary to keep her safe from you. So you should know, I don't intend to fight fair."

"Nor do I." Nathaniel replied, sharing a curt bow with The King and watching as he strode up to Elissa to say his goodbyes.


	17. Chapter 17: It's a Beautiful Lie

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N: WARNING! NSFW** material contained within, specifically toward the very end if you mean to avoid it. It is not at all overly graphic or vulgar, that's really just not my style, but it definitely moves, in my opinion, from post 8pm basic cable love scene into "Skinimax" territory :P No intention to offend anyone, and I stand by my decision that these two people if put in this particular situation could absolutely end up where my devious mind has lead them._

_Special thanks to **Snarkoleptic, Stoobzzwife** and my fantastic Lady Beta **artemiskat**__. This one came from some fantastic dialogue with the group of you _ (well some of it, I take full responsibility for the semi-smut toward the end, lol)_._

_Muse Music: A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds to Mars._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! Love you guys and love to hear from you :) _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Seventeen: It's A Beautiful Lie<strong>_

Days turned into weeks and the Wardens settled into what _should_ have been a rare period of calm, were it not for the increasingly more volatile interactions between the Warden-Commander and their melancholic archer. Things had changed between them in Denerim, and while there were times that Elissa certainly appeared to have regained some modicum of happiness – it was obvious to anyone who watched her terse interactions with Nathaniel that the seething anger lurking beneath the surface of their carefully chosen words and false smiles was always one poorly chosen word or gesture away from exploding and taking everyone around them down in its wake.

"It was bloody awful." Anders told me, thinking back on it with a shiver.

I'd gotten him drunk, which in my experience loosened tongues, and in this particular case also seemed to take the bitter man back to a time when he was much _less_ of a tool. Had I known the mage back his early Amaranthine days, I probably would have liked him. As it was I tolerated him for Hawke's sake, and for the insight he could provide me into the woman who at the time was already more legend than reality to most of us.

"Elissa, in her infinite wisdom, had taken to wearing the Theirin signet again, and you can just guess how well _that_ went over with Howe." The mage continued, slamming an empty mug down on the table and fussing with his hair. "Add to that the constant stream of letters and little trinkets The King sent over the span of days after we left the Palace and… it got really ugly really fast. You couldn't say anything to either one of them without putting yourself at risk to set them off... we had to do something. It was supposed to be a joke."

The culmination of the story he told me afterward would put the most tawdry of my romance tales to shame. Hell, it ruffled Rivaini's feathers at some points, and that's a feat few can claim to have accomplished. When I asked him to clarify a few points later, for posterity's sake - of course, he _swore_ he'd never told me any of it… and that if I ever said he did, he'd deny it to his grave. This of course made me even more certain at least part of it must have been true. Though which parts, I can't say for certain. I never worked up the nerve to ask The Archer, and there's not enough alcohol in the world to make me risk asking The Hero.

* * *

><p>Elissa thumbed through Alistair's latest missive again, smiling as she tapped her finger against the small pouch of seeds he'd enclosed therein. They were salvaged from one of the rosebushes in Lothering. The very ones from which Alistair had picked <em>her<em> rose years ago. She looked over to the glass case on her desk, smiling at the still perfect bud that lay inside of it. Morrigan had even enchanted it in what was to be a rare moment of cooperation between the prickly apostate and her erstwhile former Templar.

"Morrigan…" Elissa whispered, mind scrambling for a moment as she thought again on what The First had suggested before sending them into the Fade. "What have you brought into this world?"

She couldn't linger over the thoughts for too long as a knock sounded sharp against her chamber door.

"Enter." she called out, tucking her personal letters away from prying eyes.

"Sorry to bother you, Commander. Seneschal Varel has requested your presence for a quick meeting in the throne room." Cecile said, her blue eyes flickering to the floor anxiously as usual.

"Right now?" Elissa huffed, glancing out the window to ensure that she was right about how late in the day the hour found them. "What's so important it can't wait until tomorrow? There isn't another riot, is there?"

"No, ma'am. Not that I know of." Cecile replied, looking slightly more anxious than usual when Elissa didn't simply come along as requested. "The Seneschal didn't specifically say what the meeting involved, just sent me along to collect you. I'm not one to question orders."

"No, you're not." Elissa sighed, standing up and gathering her journal just in case she needed to make note of something. "At ease, Cecile. I don't bite, you know. I'm just a bit moody most of the time."

"Yes, Commander." the woman replied, nodding her head and scurrying away down the hall in fear, leaving Elissa to sigh sadly behind her with the realization she would always be afraid of her.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel was seething as he made his way to the throne room. Elissa had already sloughed off all of the scheduling duties to him for the hunting, training and rationing <em>she<em> had instituted for the Arling, and now she had Garavel calling him to meetings in the middle of dinner. He knew she was doing it intentionally. Barking orders at him like a peon and waiting for him to refuse one, or not complete the task to her standards. Then she could live up to her word and ship him off to whatever distant land would accept him.

_It must be nice to have all that free time now that I'm doing all the work._ He grumbled. Every time he laid eyes on her she was chattering away with the mage, sparring with the assassin, or dawdling about mooning over her latest love note from The Idiot King.

He stomped through the back door to the room, noting with annoyance that the Guard Captain hadn't even bothered to show up on time, and flopping back in the elaborate throne on the dais to wait for him.

"This better be good, Varel!" Elissa muttered, charging through the back door and rounding her way up onto the dais while she thumbed through her journal in frustration. "I was looking forward to a nice long bath and a sampling of Denerim's finest chocolates this evening, and _you_ are holding me up."

"Feeling the need to relax after your long day of delegating all of your responsibilities to your lessers?" Nathaniel retorted, watching as she skidded to a stop just short of sitting on him and flicked her narrowed eyes up to him in irritation.

"If I'm not mistaken my title _is_ Warden-Commander, which would make anyone not the First Warden mine to command." Elissa said, words as even as she could manage though the twitching muscle in her jaw spoke to her mood. "What are _you_ doing here anyway? I wasn't aware you were a part of this meeting."

"I'm not. I was called here by your good Captain Garavel, likely to clean up another mess in your scheduling since you can't be bothered to proof them correctly." he grinned, easing himself into the well practiced dance of false pretense they'd spoken in since she'd left his room in a temper the night of the Warden's ball.

"Can't be bothered..? Nathaniel, I've been busy with any number of other things…" she grumbled, brow furrowing though she fought to keep any animosity from her words. "You offered to help, and you know this land far better than I. I simply assumed keeping you on the project was best for the Arling, though _clearly_ I shouldn't have done that."

"When I offered to help, it was under the assumption that I would be _assisting_ with and not _doing_ all the work." Nathaniel answered, standing up and narrowing his eyes. "Forgive me if I get a bit perturbed when I'm left listening to or reading report after report after bloody report while you wander about like a lovesick child with your Bastard King's most recent offering. He's trying to buy you, Elissa. Surely you see that."

"Don't you dare call him a bastard you arrogant prig!" Elissa hissed, stomping forward to shake her finger in his face.

Nathaniel started to respond before he felt the quick pop of something sharp penetrating the flesh of his neck. He reached up to pull loose whatever had hit him, watching Elissa's eyes go wide as she realized it was a dart.

"What?" Elissa said, eyes flicking around the room as Nathaniel sank to his knees in front of her, reacting to whatever had coated the tip.

A few seconds later she heard a hiss of air, and felt the one that popped into her own shoulder. She yanked it loose, taking a couple of steps toward the door and trying to call out for assistance – but her tongue felt so heavy she could get nothing out but a few unintelligible groans before she too collapsed into darkness.

* * *

><p>"Elissa! Get down this dart is…" Nathaniel cried out, sitting up quickly in the bed he'd been tossed into, then falling back again when his head swam with the after effects of the toxin working its way slowly out of his bloodstream.<p>

"Poisoned? Yes, I know." Elissa replied, watching his eyes focus in on her where she crouched by the door contemplating whether she could pry loose the bolts that held it in place to get them out.

"Where are we?" he asked, rubbing at his throbbing temples and trying to get his vision to focus enough so that he could figure their location. "And why poison us to get us here?"

"I wouldn't worry too much. We're still in The Keep, somewhere on East Wing I think…" she answered, looking to him for confirmation.

"They've turned all the rooms into barracks now so they hardly look the same as last I saw them but, from what I can see out that window you're probably right." Nathaniel answered, bristling with irritation as he sat up straighter and noted his boots were off and his clothing was not as he'd left it.

"As for the need to tranquilize us, if I had to hazard a guess I'd say this is our companions' friendly way of forcing us to work out our differences." Elissa continued, pacing away from the door and over to the window to see if there was a way she could get through it and out while avoiding killing herself in the process. "Though why they needed to knock us out is beyond me. They certainly could have just lured us in here and locked the door." She watched him reach up to check his hair for his own lock picks, much as she had done herself upon waking. "Don't bother; they've collected anything useful so far as I can tell."

"Great." he grumbled, starting to get up before wincing and falling back to the bed.

"What? What's wrong?" she asked, moving over with concern as he twisted around to try to get a look at whatever had pained him.

"Nothing, there's a mark…" Nathaniel replied, shifting out of her reach as he tried to see the sensitive skin again.

"A mark? What do you mean there's a mark? Let me see." Elissa insisted, sucking her teeth at him like he was a troublesome child and trying to move his hands away.

"It's, I don't know! It's a _mark!_ I can't make out what it is…" he retorted, irritated that she wouldn't just leave him be. "And it's not in a spot I feel like showing you at the moment."

"You were perfectly comfortable tumbling about naked with me before!" she groused, watching his eyes narrow on her angrily. "Just let me see. I promise I won't touch anything. Here, I'll tuck my hands behind my back if that makes you feel better."

She made a great show of doing as she'd promised, raising an eyebrow when he was still slow to do as she asked and sighing when he finally set himself to motion, tugging down the back of his pants and small clothes just enough for her to see what was so tender to the touch.

"It's a tattoo!" Elissa exclaimed, barely able to contain her laughter.

"It's a _what_?" Nathaniel yelled, glaring down over his shoulder to try and see it and verify for himself before Elissa completely abandoned her promise and reached out to still him, tugging the material down lower so she could get better lighting.

"It's a griffon! They've tattooed a griffon on your ass!" she said, dissolving into peals of laughter before Nathaniel angrily snatched his pants back up and spun around, yanking her across his knee and pinning her down with his trunk of an arm. "What are you doing?"

She wriggled and writhed against him, grasping at and missing his arm several times in the process.

"Just checking something." he replied, tugging down her pants and under things in one swift motion to reveal the tattoo etched into her own pale skin with a smile. "Laugh it up, Elissa, because you've got one too."

"_What?_ No I don't! Zevran wouldn't dare!" Elissa hissed, screeching when he slapped his palm right against it before freeing her to stand. She glared at him as she rushed over to the nearby mirror to check for herself, fuming when there in the middle of Nathaniel's reddening palm print was her own black griffon. "Bloody cocksu… I'll _kill_ him when I get out of here!"

"I'll be happy to help. While you may be content to recolor your entire body with them, I have no desire to cover myself in ink." Nathaniel grumbled, watching Elissa's eyes roll at his comment.

"One tattoo is hardly covering your body in them." she snorted, pacing over to the corner desk to dig through the food and drink they'd been rationed. "I think your perfect skin is safe, Nathaniel."

"That is my _second_ tattoo, actually."he replied, smiling as curiosity crept in to replace the irritation in her eyes.

"I didn't see any tattoos when…" Elissa started, stopping when she realized what she'd be admitting if she went any further.

"When you were getting a good look in while I slept?" Nathaniel laughed, smiling when she blushed lightly and turned back to sorting out their dinner. "Then you just didn't look hard enough. Though now I do wonder what you _were_ looking at to miss something so obvious."

"I don't believe you. If there was a tattoo I would have seen it." she said, divvying up the bread, cheese and meat and looking to see how much fruit they'd been given.

"Here, _look_." he insisted, coming to stand behind her and waiting for her to turn around to see where he'd pulled his shirt aside.

"I _still_ don't see anything, and there is distinctly more light in here than there was in your bedchamber that night." Elissa sighed, pursing her lips and staring up at him in challenge.

"Look closer." Nathaniel encouraged, tapping his finger over the spot where it lay etched into his skin.

Elissa leaned forward, her warm breath ghosting over his chest as she tried to make out the lines beneath his dark hair.

"I can see _something_ but I'd likely have to shave you down in order to make out what it is." she muttered, pulling back to meet his eyes with a smirk.

"Yes, I had distinctly _less_ chest hair when I got it – but I'm not an ape now, Elissa. It's perfectly visible, you just don't want to see it." he replied, watching the spark of temper light in her eyes at his challenge.

She reached out then, fingers parting the scattering of hair there until she could make out the crest etched into the flesh above his heart.

"These are _laurel_ branches!" Elissa gasped, eyes darting up to his in surprise. "But that's Cousland heraldry? Why would you..?"

"Because I belong to you, Elissa." Nathaniel replied, reaching up to cover her fingers with his own hand – pressing them into the bare skin of his chest where she could feel his heart beating. "I knew that even then."

"Leave it be, Nathaniel." she warned, tugging her hand away as though she'd been burned. "We've no idea how long we're stuck in here together. It's really best to not instigate so early."

"I'm not trying to instigate anything. I'm simply telling you the truth." he retorted, watching her tear apart several bunches of grapes in her fury.

"Yes, well your _truth_ is a little one sided, as always." Elissa grumbled, tossing the last of the fruit onto the plates and shoving one into his hand before snatching up one of the ale bottles and stomping away. "It's all _look how devoted I am_ and _see how I've stayed true to you_. You always manage to gloss over the part where you left me."

"Really? You're _really_ going to make me go through this again?" Nathaniel hissed, taking the other bottle and settling down on the opposite side of the table she'd already sat down at.

"Yes. And I'll make you go through it as many times as it takes for you to understand that I _cannot_ simply erase ten years because you wish it to be so!" she replied, slamming down her fists on the table hard enough to shoot a grape rolling into the floor.

"I know that!" he retorted, folding his arms and glaring at her.

"Do you? Because you seem to think I should be able to." Elissa snapped, glaring back at him. "Would it be easier if I had never met Alistair? Certainly. But I did! And I fell in love with the man. I'm sorry, Nathaniel. I cannot change that, no matter how much you might want me to. It's how things are and you're just going to have to accept it. Let me go. Find someone else. For Maker's sake, _move on_! I do not begrudge you the happiness you seem to begrudge me."

"I do not begrudge you happiness, Elissa. I think this happiness you _think_ you've secured for yourself is a lie, and I refuse to be a part of it." Nathaniel replied, watching as she threaded her fingers up into her hair and sighed in her frustration. "If you want me to walk away, to just give up and let you go – then you're going to have to look me in the eyes and tell me, truthfully, that there is nothing left between us. That you _feel_ nothing for me."

Elissa sat there, saying nothing as minute after minute went by.

"You can't do it, can you? Because you _know_ it'd be a lie – and you may be able to hide the truth from your King, but you can't hide from me." he sneered, watching her face and knowing she could not deny him this. "Then I cannot and I will not walk away. We are meant to be together, Elissa. It's only a matter of time. You know it, and I know it."

She stood up from the table then, snatching the bottle of ale in her furious hand and stalking off to the farthest corner of the room to finish it off.

* * *

><p>"What are you doing?" Elissa asked, speaking to him for the first time in hours from her perch in the narrow window.<p>

"Going to sleep." Nathaniel replied, folding back the blankets on the bed with a yawn.

"Not there you're not." she snipped, dropping down from the window and walking over to tug on the top blanket. "I'll give you this blanket, you can have the floor or the chair."

"The floor is made of stone, Elissa, and even if I pulled all three of these chairs together they still wouldn't hold me, not to mention they've got no arms!" he grumbled, resolutely holding to his side of the cloth gripped between them. "I'm perfectly willing to share the bed with you, but if you've a problem with that then I suggest _you_ take the blanket and find somewhere else to sleep."

"I'm _not_ sharing a bed with you, Nathaniel!" Elissa groused, snapping the blanket down to the mattress in frustration. "I can't trust you to behave."

"Can't trust _me_ to…" Nathaniel started, words trailing off as he tried to settle his temper back down. "Look, believe me when I say that I have no inclination to attempt _anything_ with you at the moment. I'm already exhausted from your earlier histrionics and I…"

"_My_ histrionics!" she hissed, leaning forward to glare at him. "It was _you_ who started that argument, Nathaniel. I asked you several times not to prod at me as we both knew where it would lead, but as usual, you ignored those requests in favor of your own ego."

"Yes, well, _my_ ego is tired and looking forward to sleeping in _this_ bed, so I suggest you make up your mind and get in or let go, sweetheart!" he snipped, smirking at her as he tugged hard at the blankets.

"_Sweetheart!_? You are an insufferable prick, Nathaniel Howe!" Elissa retorted, yanking the blankets back in her direction as her temper rose.

"And you're an obstinate bitch, Elissa Cousland!" Nathaniel snipped back, yanking hard enough to send her staggering forward against the bed.

"I am a _lady_, and as you are a gentleman – or at least you were raised to be such, one would think you'd have the decorum to offer the bed to me without it having to be such a battle!" she said, sniffing arrogantly as she changed her tactics, seeing that brute force clearly wasn't working.

"A _lady_! Pfft." he snorted, rolling his eyes at her. "Funny how that title is little more than an insult to you unless you wish to use it to your advantage."

"_Be that as it may_…" Elissa said, a dangerous amount of venom creeping into her tone as she glared at him through lowered lids. "Proper etiquette dictates that you…"

"_Proper etiquette_ can kiss my griffon tattooed ass for all I care!" Nathaniel hissed, feeling the heat of his own temper rising though he'd tried to prevent it. "I _am_ sleeping in this bed, Elissa. You may as well accept it."

"You've made me do this! You remember that!" she retorted, folding her arms and leveling her most compelling stare in his direction. "As Warden-Commander I _order_ you to give me this bed."

"You're going to pull _rank_ on me?" he yelled, shoving the bed forward hard enough to bang the frame painfully against her shins. "You know what, sod it. If this is the decision that sends me packing then so be it. I _will not_ give you this bed simply because you demand it of me. I have been _more_ than reasonable in offering to share, it is _you_ causing the problem this time." Elissa seethed across from him, bending down to rub at her shin where the bed had slammed into it. "This would not even be an issue if it were anyone else but me!"

"You're right, it wouldn't." Elissa snipped, standing up again. "I can't trust you any more, and that's of your own doing!'

"It probably is, but do we really _have_ to argue about it tonight?" Nathaniel moaned, pacing as he threaded his fingers into his hair before turning back to her. "Honestly, Elissa, I'm just bloody tired of it all – and if we have to make it through another day trapped in here without killing each other, then we _both_ need to get some sleep."

She stared at him as he paced, realizing he was right. Without a decent night's sleep, they were likely to draw blood in the morning.

"Fine! But anything that touches me comes off the second I get a sword in my hand again!" she warned, tugging back the blankets angrily.

"Noted." he replied, pulling them back on his side and moving to take off his shirt.

"Oh no you don't!" Elissa snipped, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "You'll be sleeping fully clothed in _this_ bed! I'll have none of those shenanigans!"

"Oh _come on_! At _least_ let me take my shirt off. If you're going to make me sleep like this, I may as well sleep in the chairs!" Nathaniel whined, dropping his arms down like a frustrated child.

"Take off your shirt then, but the pants stay _on_!" she instructed, pinning a watchful eye to him to make sure he did as she asked before turning her attention back to her own preparations.

She ran her fingers through her hair, pulling loose the tie on the end and detangling her curls as best she could manage without access to a brush. While she worked, Nathaniel tended to the fire – tossing another log in to make sure it would last the night while still allowing the room to stay dark enough for sleep to come easy. When he turned around, Elissa was sliding her pants down her legs and stepping out of them.

"I don't see how that's fair!" he complained, settling himself down onto his side of the bed with a glare over at her.

"Would you rather I take off my shirt?" Elissa asked, folding her pants neatly and settling them on the bedside table before reaching under her shirt to release the ties of her breast band. "I compromised for you, now you can compromise for me."

"_That_ is not a compromise…" Nathaniel grumbled, trying not to see as she slid it out one sleeve and tossed it atop her pants before turning back to crawl in on the other side.

"If you had to wear one of those horrible things, I'd be happy to allow you to sleep without it." she snorted, lying down and rolling so that her back faced him after making sure that he had plenty of room to get comfortable without needing to invade her personal space. "Being that you don't, I guess you'll just have to accept that I'm _not_ wearing mine to sleep in. It's distinctly uncomfortable, I assure you."

He huffed at that, but settled himself down to sleep regardless. She felt the bed shift as he rolled to turn his back in her direction, allowing her eyes to flutter shut only once he'd stopped moving about. The silence was blissful and calming, and Elissa could easily have fallen to sleep given a few moments more – but she felt him roll back in her direction and tensed waiting for whatever was to come. Knowing Nathaniel as she did, she knew it wasn't likely to be good.

"Who was Riordan?" he asked, watching her body in the dimming light of the fire for any kind of reaction.

"I'm sorry, what?" Elissa replied, thankful that he could not see the surprise she was certain etched itself into her features at the mention of that name. She'd expected any number of things to come out of him, but _that_ name was certainly not one of them.

"Don't play coy, Elissa. You heard me just fine." Nathaniel snorted, and she could feel the bed shift again as he leaned up on an elbow to watch her.

"He is, h-he _was_ a Senior Warden from Jadar. We found him in your father's dungeons during The Blight." she answered, fighting to keep any sign of discomfort out of her voice lest he jump on it like the weakness it was. "He was killed in the battle against the Archdemon."

"How did he die?" he pressed, listening to the slow intake of her breath in response to that query and knowing that she was not as unfazed by his loss as The King seemed to believe her to be.

"He, _fell_ we think…" Elissa responded, shifting her arms around to chew at her thumb as she remembered Zevran telling her about the condition of his body when she'd awoken and asked if he'd been found. "When we reached the top of Fort Drakon, one of the Archdemon's wings was shredded. We believe that he was attempting to ground it when it must have taken flight and…" she couldn't say anymore, it was too painful to think on the memory of his life bleeding out of her through the connection within their blood, and so she rolled to Nathaniel in her frustration. "_Why_ are you asking me these things? Where did you even hear that name?"

"Your _King_ seemed to find us… similar…" Nathaniel answered, his words carefully chosen as he did not intend to goad her too much with his inquiry – he simply wanted her to be aware that he knew her secret, and that her picture perfect Alistair had shared it with him. "He seemed to believe you were playing dress-up with me, having put me in the man's armor and all."

"Dress-up?" she snorted, rolling her eyes as she pressed up on her elbows and craned her neck in his direction. "Alistair would never have used those words."

He could see she was just as frustrated with the King's decision to share information that was not his to give as she was with him for having brought it up.

"Believe what you want." he replied, shifting to tuck his own arms behind his head as he evaluated her calculated response.

She watched him a few moments longer, attempting to decipher his goal with this particular line of conversation but came up with nothing. Whatever he could have shown her was well hidden behind the silver pools of his eyes.

"It was perfectly good armor. Riordan had it crafted using some of the drake scale I had collected prior to the Battle of Denerim, but Master Wade got so far behind that he didn't get it completed before he…" Nathaniel watched something shift in her eyes again before she shook it off, falling back against the pillow and rolling away from him. "It was a perfectly good, _unused_ suit of armor and it fits you just fine. I don't see why this is an issue."

"It's not an issue, at least not for me." Nathaniel admitted, realizing the truth in those words even as he spoke them.

That the man was dead, that he had been – if the King was correct – merely a substitute for himself, that it was a onetime occurrence that had apparently been a cause of great strife between Elissa and her potential husband to be; all these things combined to make Nathaniel much less disturbed by her having taken the man to her bed than he might have otherwise been.

"It does, however, appear to be a sore spot for The King." Nathaniel continued, listening to her breathing hitch for a moment before she forced it to even out once again.

"What do you want me to say, Nathaniel?" Elissa asked, rolling to him with a long distraught sigh. "That he was my lover? That I went to his bed thinking if I was to die that I wanted one night, just _one_ night with you before I surrendered myself over into the arms of The Fade? That I immediately regretted it once the act was completed because _he_ was better than that, and _I_ should have been – and that, no matter how much he might have _looked_ like you, he wasn't you and it broke me to think about that in the aftermath of what I'd done?" she watched his eyes carefully, noting that he'd shut off anything that might have been visible to her again as soon as she'd turned in his direction. "I damaged something that was good and right and so important to me for an illusion. A falsehood I allowed myself to believe so that I could finally make peace with your ghost. But you haunted me still. And now you're here, and it's so much worse because I look at you and I see your undoing, and my own. We will consume each other until there is nothing left of either of us. I know that you don't want to see it, that you don't want to hear my words… but I… I know things you do not, Nathaniel. We do not get the happy ending you imagine in your dreams. We aren't meant to."

"How is it you can _know_ the future?" he growled, sitting up to challenge her – frustrated at her cryptic fortune teller pronouncements that said nothing but hinted at so many things. "Is this some special Warden power you have? One that came along with your ability to toxify your own blood?"

"I'm done talking for the night." she replied, rolling over and trying to shut him out as she knew him well enough to know he'd never simply accept that.

"Well I'm not." Nathaniel said, starting to reach out for her before the venomous look in her eyes as she rolled back to him made him snap his fingers back in fear.

"Then talk to yourself if you are so inclined!" Elissa snapped, eyes flitting angrily down to his hand and back to his face with just enough force to make him fear she would indeed cut off his hand without saying a word. "I will speak of this no more. I am tired, just as you _claimed_ to be tired. Now go to sleep!"

She rolled over then, snatching the blankets up over her shoulders and leaving Nathaniel half uncovered before he wrestled enough of them back to tuck himself in fuming for the night. Tomorrow promised to be an equally long day.

* * *

><p>When Nathaniel woke to the first rays of sun coming in through the small window beside him, he was only half surprised to look down and find Elissa curled against his chest. The long fingers of her hand splayed out over his heart while she slumbered away somewhere in The Fade. The bed wasn't <em>all<em> that large, and one of them was bound to cross their predetermined boundaries over the course of the evening. He was relieved to find it had not been him to cross the line Elissa had set for them, though he doubted that would matter when she realized where she was.

He shifted slightly, attempting to extract himself without waking her and earning her wrath, but he felt her leg flex against his thigh, holding him in place. It was in that moment, as the blanket shifted down with his motion, he realized that somehow over the course of the night Elissa had managed to remove her tunic – which meant she now lay splayed against him clad only in her small clothes.

He cursed the Maker for having been the idiot to insist that they share a bed as he now knew, no matter how he went about waking her, _he_ would be the one to pay for her transgression.

"Elissa…" he whispered, attempting to do as she'd asked and fight down his body's visceral need to explore her bare skin where the warmth of it pressed against him.

She mumbled something and shifted slightly against him, her breath puffing out against his chest as she turned her face inward and pressed a kiss against it, dragging her nails slowly through his chest hair. He fought for control as she pressed further kisses against his neck and then his jaw, knowing she wasn't awake yet. Knowing she had no idea what she was doing and he shouldn't react to it the way he desperately wanted to.

He was doing alright until she shifted further on top of him, trailing her hand down his stomach at an excruciatingly slow pace. He could feel the press of her breasts against him as her hand disappeared underneath the blanket and settled insistently against the one spot that made him lose all control, the passion pulsing in his own blood from whatever she was dreaming of lost within the confines of The Fade.

She squeezed at him, her fingers soft but demanding where they cupped at him through the material of his linen pants and small clothes, and he felt his usual half mast morning rapidly stiffening to full.

"Alistair, what's going on with…" Elissa muttered, a half smile plastered on her sleepy face as she peered up at him through a cascade of sleep mottled curls – though that smile quickly faded as she realized who he was and what she'd been doing. "Nathaniel!" she snatched her hand away, her face burning in embarrassment, and Nathaniel could feel himself sighing in disappointment unintentional though it was. "Oh, Maker… am I… how did I get _naked_!"

"Don't yell at me! I'd nothing to do with that!" Nathaniel insisted, his body cooling as she scrambled off him and dug about in the blankets to retrieve her errant shirt.

"I thought I said stick to your side of the bed!" she hissed, flipping the shirt over her head so fast it caught in her hair and pulled, wresting a little yelp from her mouth before she finally settled it into place.

"You did _see_ what was just happening, right?" he replied, brow furrowed in irritation both at her tone and his now almost painful reaction to her previous exploration of his body. "It wasn't me who stepped outside those boundaries this time."

"You're right." Elissa sighed, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly to try and even both her temper and her raging hormones. "You're right, I'm sorry I'm just… I was having a dream and now I'm frustrated…"

"I'm pretty frustrated myself…" Nathaniel answered, grumbling as he tried to settle the blankets in a way where they didn't call quite so much attention to the state she'd left him in.

"Ugh… I know. I'm sorry, Nathaniel." she said, rubbing at her face with her hands before turning to peer at him sheepishly. "I didn't mean to do it. I feel bloody awful."

"If you feel so _awful_, you could always help me to get rid of the problem." he smirked, meaning to come off playful but the rough demanding edge to his voice made it come out as more of a command than a suggestion.

"I don't think so." Elissa huffed, popping up out of the bed in irritation. "If you can't manage to summon up some self control this morning, then I suggest you help yourself to get rid of the problem."

Thinking back on it, he couldn't be sure what it was that pushed him to cross the line. It could have been the years of pent up sexual tension finally refusing to be ignored. It could have been the screeching halt to his morning fantasy brought on by the latest mention of The King's name from her lips. It could have been the arrogant way she stood there blaming him for things that weren't entirely his fault. It could have been the challenge he heard in those words grating on the last frayed thread of his patience. Whatever it was, the damn broke.

"Is that what you want?" Nathaniel asked, something in the tone of his voice turning Elissa back to him wide eyed. "Do you want to _watch_ me relieve myself of this burden you've caused me?"

"I-I never said that… I-I…" she stuttered, fumbling for words as he lazily traced his fingers down his chest and across his stomach dragging her eyes along behind them.

"Not in those words, no." he smirked, toying with the edge of the blankets that pooled at his waist. "But I can see it in your eyes that you're curious. Wondering what I did all those long years to keep myself from losing my mind while I dreamt of pressing into your soft, warm…"

"**Stop**! Just stop it!" Elissa hissed, taking a few steps closer then realizing that a decrease in the distance between was the _last_ thing she needed.

"Is that _really_ what you want?" Nathaniel asked, watching her swallow heavily as his fingers dipped under the edge of the blanket. "I could give us both a release… I could push you over the edge with me and never even touch you… the same way you did that night with…"

"I didn't know that was happening!" she insisted, fury and desire and a frantic need to be anywhere but here all mixing together into a volatile cocktail within her body - setting every nerve ending on edge.

"On some level you did, you had to!" he spat, feeding off her emotions and no longer trying to block them or restrain himself. "I'd felt everything else, why wouldn't I feel that! You call me callous, you claim all I do is hurt you – but you _knew_ I'd sense something and you just didn't care. Well it's _your_ turn, sweetheart. See if you can block this out."

He slid his hand down then, eyes never leaving hers even for a moment as he reached down to take hold of what she'd set in motion moments before. She turned her face away, almost running to disappear behind the privacy screen set up over near the tub in the far corner. She breathed slowly and tried to focus on blocking him out, but the damage had been done and it was already too late. She could hear the lust tinged noises he was making no matter how hard she tried not to, and in her mind's eye she could easily imagine the feeling of skin on skin as he stroked himself to completion. After that it was near impossible to block out the waves of pleasure radiating out of his body and into her own.

She cursed herself for giving in to her need of him in The Fade and setting them on this disastrous course in the first place, dashing over to the nearest table and willing her legs to stop trembling as she searched for anything she might be able to use to pick the lock. She eventually came across a letter opener, and though she knew it was far too wide she forced herself to try if only to keep her mind off what Nathaniel was doing to himself, and her in the process.

When she bent over to work at the lock, she inadvertently gave Nathaniel an eyeful of her barely covered behind – drawing a rough groan out of him followed by a wave of pleasure that dropped her moaning in response to her knees, losing her hold on the letter opener in the process. It clattered to the floor as she pressed her forehead against the wood and tried very hard to resist the urge to touch herself.

It was then that she realized, the thing she was fighting against was the only one that would end this nightmare. It was _his_ play now, and Nathaniel would draw it out as long as possible, driving her insane with desire until he'd made his point. The only way to take the situation back into her own hands, was to go along with him, and beat him at his own game.

"Maker forgive me…" she whispered, bringing herself to stand on shaking knees and making her way over to lie opposite him on the bed.

Nathaniel had expected her to be furious. He'd expected her to wail and scream and gnash her teeth, and ultimately plead with him until he released his hold on her. What he did not expect was for her to lie down beside him and give herself over to it. He was transfixed at the sight of her, eyes pressed shut as she ran her hands up over her breasts stopping to squeeze at them and send a short sharp moan from between her parted lips.

He had no idea who she was thinking of - him, her King, the long dead Warden she'd used as his stand in one lonely night years before – and as he watched her fingers sliding under the thin cloth of her small clothes, he no longer cared. He lay back then, allowing her pleasure to join and mingle with his own as they both worked themselves closer and closer to the apex of their desire.

Her legs twitched against the mattress, parting even further as though on instinct alone, and giving Nathaniel a good look at the fluids that had spread out against the sheer material of her underthings as one of her fingers disappeared inside the one place he most wanted to be. He moaned then, voice rough and broken as he felt himself pushed over the edge, felt that pressure building at the base of the spine that told him it wouldn't be much longer.

Her back arched with his orgasm, and as the sensation of it spilled over into her body she felt herself cresting into her own, crying out in abandon from the force of it and not knowing in the end whether it had been his release or hers that had hit them with such fury. They collapsed then, sweaty and shaken and far from sated.

She was still breathing heavy when she snapped her hand back out from between her legs and stood up, striding over to grab her pants up off the table and tug them on with immense irritation. Nathaniel was still recovering, and had no idea what to expect from her when she lifted up the chair from the desk near the bed and smashed it hard enough against the door to shake the very foundations of the room.

"Elissa! What are you…" he asked, straightening his sticky clothing as best he could and standing up in his concern before her glare stopped him in his tracks.

"Why can you never just leave well enough alone?" she asked him, eyes haunted. "If you'd done what you promised, if you had even tried to rebuild something like you said you wanted… I think I could have loved you again one day. But now... now... I could kill you with this letter opener if I didn't think I'd end myself in the process!" she picked the dull piece of metal up off the floor and charged at him, shoving him hard back against the wall and pressing the tip of the blade into the exposed flesh of his throat. "I _hate_ you, Nathaniel Howe! I hate everything about you."

"You don't know what you're saying…" Nathaniel insisted, flinching when she pressed the letter opener harder into his throat with those words.

"Why do you insist on doing that? On telling me I don't _know_ what I'm saying… what I'm feeling!" Elissa hissed, glaring at him with seething fury and shoving him one more time before turning away to thread her fingers into her hair. "Just… just stay the fuck away from me…"

Nathaniel started to respond, but he could hear the lock turning – the reaction to the violent breaking of the chair against the door being exactly what Elissa had intended. When the door opened, Zevran was standing on the other side - his face unreadable as he gauged Elissa's mood.

"Who's idea was it?" Elissa hissed, her steady gaze giving the assassin no room to escape.

"It was a group effort, my Warden." Zevran replied, not wanting to name names.

"That's not going to cut it this time, Zev. I want to know _who_ it was." she repeated, taking several steps forward into the elf's personal space and for once he made no move to attempt to diffuse her temper with flirtation.

"The mage conceived the idea, though the perky dwarf and I assisted in its execution." he answered, reading something within her that made him fearful for the first time that he might actually harm one of them in her fury.

"Gather them _now_. We have things to discuss." Elissa said, waiting for his nod before she disappeared down the hall.

As she walked she let ever bit of her venomous hatred flow freely, a broad smile passing over her face when the angry yells and smashing wood and glass behind her made it clear Nathaniel had received her message.

"See if you can block _that_ out, sweetheart..." she sneered, laughing low in her chest as she rounded the corner and bounded down the stairs beyond.


	18. Chapter 18: Bring On the Woods Witch

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale._

_**A/N:** Wow, longer delay than normal for me there. Apologies! The holidays and life reared their ugly heads. Combine that with the pain in my behind that is the Wending Wood and you get the amount of time it took me to make this work. The chapter is a transitional piece, but I think it works because the dialogue is entertaining. I hope that you all agree because I edited the thing into oblivion trying to get everything set up I needed to without boring you to tears!_

_"Antivan" Translations: _

_1. the illustrious ass griffons_

_2. the tiny filth factory_

_3. Lady Death_

_4. Butcher's Son_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! I love hearing from you guys :) Fingers crossed the next chapter goes more smoothly so I can get it up soon. In the meantime..._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Eighteen: Bring On the Woods-Witch<strong>_

"So how _did_ you manage to end up avoiding…" I gestured toward The Assassin's back end with a smirk as we made our way back from Lowtown with the items The Hero had requested for her current project. "I mean, I can only assume it was you who did the deed."

"Ah, il griffons di asino illustre?" the elf chuckled, sighing as he thought back on it. "Oh yes, I will claim them. I _very_ much enjoyed placing the first two. I had seen that much of my Warden before, but absence makes the heart grow fonder, does it not? And her morose archer... as it happened, he was not so bad himself…" He tossed me a cheeky wink before continuing. "But I digress... I avoided the griffon only because her punishment for me was not a tattoo. Not one for me anyway… rather one I had to give."

"Oh, come now. Sure, Blondie is a bit of a whiny, self-important dick, but he's easy enough on the eyes." I laughed, listening to the responding snort from his direction. "At least most of the women I meet seem to think so."

"The pretty mage, he was fine, as was that lovely morsel Sigrun." Zevran replied, tapping at his chin thoughtfully for a moment before a grimace overtook his face. "No, I was referring to la piccola fabbrica di sporcizia – Oghren. Ech… it required much disinfectant and… _shaving…_" he cringed at the thought. "I doubt you can even see the thing now, if you'd dare to try. They say the hair grows back _thicker_…"

"I think I'd have preferred a flogging…" I said, cringing as I thought on The Hero's version of just rewards and reminding myself once again never to test the limits of her patience.

"As would I, my friend." The elf smirked, waggling his eyebrows in a way that insinuated far more about him than I'd ever wanted to know.

* * *

><p>Anders sat with Sigrun, Oghren and Nathaniel in the common room, packed and waiting for Elissa and Zevran to join them. The pair had been in Amaranthine with Justice for several days, following up on several leads about the local darkspawn population as well as the price on Elissa's head. They'd also attempted to speak with the late Kristoff's wife in an effort to soothe the increasingly distraught Fade Spirit. Elissa had sent a messenger just ahead of their return instructing them to be packed and ready for at least a week of travel.<p>

The entire trip into the city had been a point of contention with Nathaniel, as he'd insisted on going both as further protection for her and to spend some time with his sister – both of which Elissa had steadfastly denied. He was no less irritable when she returned than he had been when she left, seething at her as she paced around the room divvying out the various parcels she'd acquired on her journey and ending with a thick letter which she flopped to the table in front of him unceremoniously.

"What's this then?" Nathaniel asked, barely glancing at it in his irritation.

"Post from your sister." Elissa responded, flopping her journal down on the table and flipping to the notes she intended to go over before getting them on the road. She was frustrated that his childish behavior continued even after she'd given him ample time to cool down, though she forced herself to offer no outward signs of her rising temper.

"You went to see Delilah?" Nathaniel snipped, eyes narrowed and voice laced with his barely manageable fury. "I _asked_ you to allow me to accompany you to see her and you said no, only to go and see her yourself?"

"I never said _I_ wasn't going to see her." Elissa sighed, worrying with the bridge of her nose in frustration but not looking up to acknowledge him. "It was a short trip with very specific goals that had to be accomplished. I did not need more of you traipsing along to run amok in the city and create _more_ problems, and so I asked you to stay here. When I spoke with Delilah, she asked for me to deliver you a letter as I was headed back this way, and I foolishly agreed to do so. Next time I shall be certain to tell her to stick with couriers."

"You _left_ me here because you're still set on punishing me for having feelings towards you and managing to muster the courage to acknowledge and act on them!" Nathaniel hissed, half smiling when her eyes finally did flicker up to him as her temper flared near her capacity to subdue it.

"I did no such thing. I am your commanding officer. You come and go as you are needed and I simply did not have _need_ of _you_." Elissa replied, sticking as close to the bounds of her chilly Warden-Commander facade as she could manage with her anger rising. "Now, are we done with this exceptionally childish discussion, or do I need to confine you to your quarters while the rest of us do our jobs?"

"No, _Commander_. That won't be necessary." Nathaniel spat, folding his arms and letting the topic go for the moment. He knew Elissa well enough to understand that she would absolutely live up to her threat if he pressed her any further.

"Right then. Amaranthine was… essentially a bust." Elissa sighed, glaring at Nathaniel one last time before turning her attention back to the group. "None of our sources have turned up any further information on either this new breed of darkspawn or the recent attempts on my life."

"Attempts? Does that mean there's been another one?" Anders asked, sitting up straighter when the look that passed between Elissa and Zevran answered his question.

"I _told_ you that you needed extra protection!" Nathaniel yelled, banging the table with his fist to turn Elissa's eyes in his direction. "And now your stubborn refusal to move beyond this need to punish me could have easily gotten you killed."

"Things would have gone no differently had you or any of the others come along." Elissa responded, both her stare and her voice neutral though Nathaniel could sense her poorly masked irritation. "They slipped something into my food before it was delivered to my room at the Crown and Lion. Luckily, Zevran was staying with me in anticipation of another attempt and we were able to supply an antidote before any irreparable damage was done."

Nathaniel started to speak again, even more irritated knowing that the handsy assassin was now sharing her bedchamber, but Elissa interrupted him before he could get a word out of his mouth.

"Look. I am being as careful as I can be, alright? I am Warden-Commander of Ferelden. I cannot hide away here in The Keep and play it safe waiting for whatever is going to happen to happen. End of discussion." Elissa sniffed, rubbing the tip of her nose in twitchy fingers as she snapped her journal shut. "Now, head out to the stables and prepare for departure. I'd like to make it at least half way to the Wending Wood before we camp for the night."

"The Wending Wood? That's just merchant paths and old ruins. Why are we needed there?" Nathaniel asked, shouldering his pack and bow as he stood.

"I met with a representative from the Merchant's Guild while I was in the city. I was _hoping_ to improve trade relations and perhaps bring in another couple of suppliers for The Keep." Elissa replied, shuffling the dwarves and Anders ahead of them. "Unfortunately, there is no working with the obstinate men until I figure out who or what is attacking the caravans that pass through the wood… so, hooray! Field trip!"

She sighed in frustration and rubbed her forehead before moving off to leave Justice with instructions as he would be staying behind to help Varel at The Keep.

* * *

><p>Elissa pushed them hard, right up until the very last light of day was fading from the sky, before she finally agreed to stop and set camp for the night. As tents were raised and dinner preparation was begun, she divvied out the watch rotation for the evening. Nathaniel was unsurprised to find himself not being paired with Elissa. She had taken first watch with Zevran as had become her routine since The Assassin's return from Antiva.<p>

Shortly after finishing her meal, Elissa headed for the tree line and Nathaniel stood intending to follow before being waylaid by Sigrun.

"Ooh no you don't!" Sigrun sighed, holding fast to his arm though he tugged her along a little bit before she planted her feet to stop him.

"What? I just want to talk to her…" Nathaniel replied, watching Anders slip off into the shadows behind her and frowning as he flopped back down on the ground next to the dwarf.

"Yes, well your version of _talking_ tends to get a bit hands on – and while _I_ certainly wouldn't mind a little slap and tickle, it's obvious that the Commander doesn't care for it." Sigrun answered, listening to the frustrated puff of air as he threaded his fingers up into his dark hair. "Besides, I found something under my bed at The Keep I've been meaning to return. Something tells me it miiiiiight be yours." She dug into her pack for a few moments before pulling a time ravaged little doll out and shoving it in his direction.

"Miss Maggie! I remember her." Nathaniel laughed, taking the dusty old thing into his hands with a smile. "She's not mine though. She belonged to my little sister, Delilah. Miss Maggie was her favorite doll."

"Would you like to tell me why Miss Maggie appears to be missing her arms and legs?" Sigrun asked, raising an accusatory eyebrow at him. "I find it hard to believe that if your sister so cherished it, she'd rip the limbs off and hide them were even _I_ can't find them."

"Delilah and I had a fight. I was angry and I ripped off Maggie's arms and legs and hid them in places where Delilah would find them later." Nathaniel sighed, shaking his head at the memory. "I guess she never did."

"What a sweetheart you were…" Sigrun muttered, the tone of her voice pulling his eyes back over to her semi-chastising glare.

"I have a… _temper_… Sigrun. If you want me to say I'm sorry, fine, I am… but I cannot change it." Nathaniel replied, laying the doll down beside him and rubbing his hands over his face.

"I like you with a temper. It's part of your charm." Sigrun winked, forcing Nathaniel to clear his throat. "However, you need to find a way to control it _before_ you go pressing on The Commander's buttons again."

"I've tried, but it's not that simple." Nathaniel answered, sincerely frustrated as he thought about how right the dwarf was. "This thing we did in The Fade, this conduit we opened… it makes me more sensitive to her moods and it affects my ability to control my emotions properly. I never had an easy time of that to begin with, especially when it comes to Elissa."

"Then you'd better start learning how to meditate, or finding some sort of release valve for all the pent up stuff you've got going on in there. Preferably one that _doesn't_ involve constantly instigating fights with your long lost love." Sigrun insisted, leaning in to make sure she caught his eye to press her point. "I'm serious, Nate. If you don't change this course you've set, the next time she says it's over – she's likely to mean it."

"What makes you think she didn't mean it this time?" Nathaniel sighed, flopping back against the log behind him in frustration and remembering all the hateful things she said to him, and the venom filled stream of emotions she'd allowed for him to feel as she left the barracks days before.

"Well, for starters, you're still here. If she was really done with you, she'd probably have shipped you off to Weisshaupt by now. At the moment, you aren't doing anything the rest of us couldn't be trained to do if necessary." Sigrun answered, drawing a grimace in response as Nathaniel once again acknowledged she was right. "Also, she brought that letter back from your sister, and she didn't have to. You know better than anyone how hesitant she was to even speak with her again. Did you think she went there for her own well being?"

"You think she went to see Delilah on _my_ behalf?" Nathaniel asked, confused.

"You do know why they went into Amaranthine?" Sigrun asked, watching his eyes flick to hers in question.

"I thought they were checking for any new information on our current concerns… and Elissa said something about meeting with the Merchant's Guild…" Nathaniel replied, certain he'd once again missed something in his temper that everyone else had been privy to.

"That was part of it, maybe. But she went there for Justice… to speak with Kristoff's wife again. He asked her for privacy so she only took Zevran along, with his approval, for protection." Sigrun explained, watching his face fall and his eyes press shut as he realized how bad he'd managed to mangle things once again. "If I had to guess, I'd say she went to see your sister because she couldn't let you, and she felt guilty for that."

"I am an idiot…" Nathaniel groaned, shaking his head and wishing he could move away from this place where every step he took seemed to take him further in the wrong direction.

"Yes, you are." Sigrun replied, shrugging at him when he looked up at her through narrowed eyes. "Hey, you're still my sexy rexy but when you screw the pooch… you screw it."

* * *

><p>Silence. Blissful, peaceful, silence. It was the one thing Elissa wanted, and the one thing she could never seem to find. If it wasn't the actual voices of people talking at her, then it was the chatter of the darkspawn in her head or the pulsing transmission of whatever emotion happened to be coursing through Nathaniel at the moment. She was never truly alone, even within the confines of her own mind.<p>

It was for that reason she'd asked Zevran to put her in touch with one of his more _questionable_ contacts in Amaranthine. The kind of man who can find things that aren't meant to be found. Things like the little rust colored vial she now held in her hand. It seemed such a small thing to be such a big taboo.

Elissa could easily remember a time when she'd sat in her secluded little bubble in Highever and lectured Fergus on the evils of overindulgence in alcohol after finding him passed out over an empty barrel in the larder one morning. Now, she was likely drink him right under the table. It seemed that the boundaries of what was acceptable and what remained off limits for her became fuzzier and harder to define with each passing day.

She'd indulged in recreational drugs in the past, but never with regularity and never anything like what she now held pinched gingerly between her thumb and forefinger. No, that paper rolled herb she'd shared with Zevran out on the ramparts of Soldier's Peak was a horse of an entirely different color. That had made her giggly and given her a strange craving for peanut butter treats. This, if it worked, would give her the silence she so desperately desired – and, if she was exceptionally lucky, shut down the conduit between herself and Nathaniel entirely, unless she made an active decision to use it.

"Of course, with my luck, he'll probably just _feel_ that it's working and come to lecture me... again…" Elissa muttered to the night sky as she plopped back in the soft grass intent on giving her new acquisition a try.

"You know, they say talking to yourself out loud is the first sign of true madness." Anders smirked, moving into the clearing and watching her tuck something inside her sleeve before sitting up to frown at him.

"I've told you I was mad from the beginning, Anders." Elissa snorted, flopping back on the grass with a sigh when it became apparent he wasn't going to go away. "If it's taken you this long to believe me, then you haven't been paying attention. Now, what do you want?"

"I was hoping we could talk…" he replied, sounding as sheepish as he looked and even more uncomfortable in the face of a temper that rarely flared in his direction.

"If you want to talk, that's fine, but I'm not getting up." she retorted, folding her fingers together across her stomach. "I've got thirty minutes 'til I'm to meet Zevran for watch, and I intend to spend every second of it lazing about in the grass and gazing up at the stars."

He lay down in the grass beside her, allowing himself to simply see what she was seeing for a moment and thinking that it really was beautiful. _She_ was beautiful, as was this new life she had given him… for the most part, and he had very nearly managed to muck that all up to play a silly joke in retaliation for what had mostly been The Archer's snide commentary.

"I just wanted to say again, how sorry I am about… the whole barracks incident." Anders muttered, fumbling with his sleeves as he tried to calm his nerves.

No one knew exactly what had happened in the room, but when they'd emerged both Elissa and Nathaniel had been enraged and Zevran had revealed to himself and Sigrun later that they'd both smelled distinctly of sex. If you added that to the noises Anders overheard when he'd gone by the room to ensure they weren't murdering one another, certain assumptions could be made. Though, Anders had never known _anyone_ to walk away from a good tumble angrier than they'd gone in.

"So you've said." Elissa replied, a quick sigh letting him know she'd really rather not be discussing this again. "And now you have a griffon tattooed on your ass to remind you just how sorry you are."

"Indeed I do… though I'm not sure if that was more punishment for me or for Zevran." he chuckled, watching her lips curve up in a smile in spite of her efforts to suppress it.

"Oh, I'd imagine tattooing _your_ ass was no punishment for Zevran, my pretty little mage." she smirked, tossing him a little wink.

"Always with the flirting…" Anders huffed, swatting her lightly on the arm though he was in no way offended. "Honestly though, Elissa. We only thought you'd be forced to talk. Work some things out, maybe. The constant bickering between you two had set us all on edge. We didn't know you'd end up… well, whatever it is you ended up doing that had Nathaniel smashing any furniture he could lift after you'd left."

"If you were so concerned, couldn't you just talk to me? I thought we were friends, at least… I thought this bond we've developed meant something to you." Elissa sighed, pushing up on her elbows to look at him. "Besides, you can't fix things between Nathaniel and I, not by locking us in a room or any other bright ideas you lot might have up your sleeves. I'm not even certain_ we_ can fix it anymore… And I'm tired, Anders. So, _so_ tired of going through this alone and having no one to come to who will talk me back down from the ledge when I'm ready to jump."

"Your friendship means more to me than I can say, Elissa." Anders insisted, pushing himself up and taking her hand in his own – threading their fingers together and squeezing. "More than it _should_ in all likelihood… but that's... I am _always_ here for you, whenever and however you need me. I apologize for making you feel otherwise."

"Thank you." she said, smiling as she flopped back down though she didn't let go of his hand. "I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that. You were the only think keeping me sane here. I'd probably still be locked in my room stinky-mad and drunk without you."

Anders squeezed her hand, starting to say more before they were interrupted by someone else moving through the underbrush into their clearing.

"Am I interrupting something?" Nathaniel asked, eyes holding on their intertwined fingers for a moment before he leveled a half-concealed glare in the mage's direction.

"Other than my peace of mind? No." Elissa sighed, covering her face with her hands and considering downing the entire vial of liquid in her sleeve for a moment, regardless of the consequences.

"Then may we speak for a moment?" Nathaniel continued, holding her eyes briefly before looking pointedly at Anders. "Privately."

"Go on." Elissa said, patting Anders' hand when he hesitated. "Neither of us are properly armed, so if we try to kill each other I suspect you'll hear it before any real damage is done."

Anders nodded, squeezing her hand before he stood and shared a lengthy glare with Nathaniel on his way back to the camp. Elissa made no move to acknowledge that Nathaniel still stood there after Anders had gone, forcing him to come and lie in the grass next to her, leaning up on an elbow and pulling up several blades of grass to quiet his nerves.

"I am… _sorry_ for yelling at you about Delilah's letter." Nathaniel began, listening to her chuckle dryly beside him though the laughter did not touch her eyes. "I was unaware that you had gone into the city at Justice's request. I believed you had excluded me because of what happened in…"

"Have you noticed how you always seem willing to believe the worst of me, Nathaniel. Ever since you turned up in that damn cell it's just been one thing after another." Elissa said, leaning up on her elbows to look at him. "If I'm so awful. If I'm all these _things_ you're constantly accusing me of being, then how is it that you can still be so in love with me?"

"Love sees beyond flaws, Elissa." he sighed, scratching at the tiny patch of hair beneath his lip with his thumb thoughtfully. "I do not love you in spite of your flaws, I love you because of them… Because every little idiosyncrasy makes you who you are. You drive me absolutely insane at times, but I adore you nonetheless. Even if you do hate me as a result of it."

"I don't hate you. Not that I haven't tried… _a_ _lot_…" she admitted, holding his eyes for a moment before the usual intensity his naked gaze made her look away. "I don't like you very much these days, and that makes me exceptionally sad because I _do_ miss you. I miss the friendship we once had, the one you showed me a glimpse of that night in my study before you decided to have a go at me in front of Alistair."

"I miss it too, and I promise that I'll…" Nathaniel said, reaching over to grasp her hand.

"_Try harder_… yes, I know. You say that every time… and then we end up back here all over again." Elissa responded, sitting up and threading her other hand into her hair. "I want to believe this time will be different… I want to… Maker, I care for you, Nathaniel…" she looked up at him then, and he could read the conflicting emotions filtering across her green eyes like storm clouds. "I don't understand why… Why can't that be enough for you?"

"Let me try again, Elissa… _please_." he said, reaching up to take her face in his hand but making no move to otherwise invade her space when he saw her flinch against the contact. "We owe it to one another, to what we once had – to _really_ try again. You said that you could have loved me again if I hadn't pushed you… Then let me try to lead us back there. Maybe we don't find it. Maybe we find something new... but let me try."

"How is it that I can I never say no to you?" Elissa whispered, something lingering there in her eyes that made his heart pause for a moment. "Even when we were children you'd snap your fingers and I'd just... Maker, this is madness... _you_ are madness."

"Is that a yes?" Nathaniel asked, watching as she slowly turned her face and pressed a kiss into his palm before extracting herself and standing.

"Yes." she replied, holding his eyes steadily. "I only ask that you respect my boundaries. We are _friends_, Nathaniel – and I am engaged to Alistair."

"The next time the boundaries of our friendship are crossed, it will be because you cross them or you _ask_ for me to." he said, smiling innocently at her as any number of scenarios started to play out in the more devious parts of his mind.

She inspected him for a moment longer, ultimately satisfied with the genuineness of what she saw, before heading off to find The Assassin.

_I haven't lost yet, Your Majesty_. Nathaniel thought, dusting himself off and feeling the best he'd felt in a long time.

* * *

><p>Elissa had Nathaniel aid her in tethering the horses off before they entered the heart of the wood, knowing that if they had any hope of catching whomever was responsible for the attacks red-handed that they would need a great deal more stealth than the clatter of horse hooves would provide.<p>

She sent Zevran ahead to scout, moving the rest of them through the landscape as silently as possible some distance behind.

"There is a large group of bandits just round the bend." Zevran explained when he materialized from the shadows a short time later. "I could make out several overturned merchant carts as well, but the men seemed too wary to be troubled with looting them at the moment."

"What sort of bandit is too worried to loot?" Anders asked, snorting in laughter.

"The sort that've seen something they probably weren't meant to…" Elissa replied, loosing her blades and creeping closer to the bend to take a look of her own.

Just as Zevran had said, the men appeared to be milling about watching the tree line and surrounding hills rather than taking what they could from the carts and moving off to claim their next unlucky victim.

The merchants themselves were long dead. Elissa could make out their bloody charred corpses among the ruined remains of their supply carts just ahead.

"I'm no master thief, but it seems counterproductive to burn what you intend to steal, don't you think?" Sigrun quipped, watching as several of the bandits tried unsuccessfully to pull several bolts of silk out of the fire.

"Perhaps they are just very stupid thieves." Anders shrugged, eliciting a roll of the eyes from Elissa.

"Or perhaps something else is going on here…" Elissa replied, setting the group into motion. "Either way we aren't going to figure anything out lurking in the bush and muttering about it."

As soon as they caught sight of the Wardens, several of the bandits took off running, disappearing into the distance before they could be stopped. The remainder of the men launched the best defense against them they could manage coming off the disadvantage of surprise. It didn't take long to thin them out until only one remained, and he refused to talk, deciding instead to spit on Elissa's boots and earn himself a quick nick from Zevran's poisoned blade.

"Ugh… I do so _hate_ being spat on." Elissa grumbled, rubbing the toe of her boot in the dirt and kicking the dying bandit in the stomach before moving over to inspect the cart.

"I've found no sign of explosives here." Nathaniel said, kicking through the dirt at the far edge one more time just in case he'd missed something and trying not to let his bother him that Elissa had just allowed her temper to motivate her to kick a dying man. "There is far too much damage to the actual carts for it to have been a simple fire that did this."

"What about elemental grenades or lyrium incendiaries like the nonsense Dworkin the Mad comes up with?" Elissa asked, turning her gaze to Zevran who was well versed in such things and had spent some time speaking with the dwarf since his arrival.

"Such compositions could certainly cause such damage, but they would leave remnants of themselves behind in the process." Zevran said, shaking his head and agreeing with Nathaniel's assessment. "Whatever did this was not man-made, my Warden."

"Anders? Anything in your arsenal that could wreak this sort of havoc?" Elissa questioned, consulting the only other source she had available at the moment.

"A giant fireball would do it, as would properly applied electrical jolts." Anders explained, leaning a bit closer to the wreckage and gleaning what he could from the lingering magic. "I'd put my coin on a mage being responsible for this, an elementalist most likely."

"By the Stone, there was ale in here!" Oghren grumbled, staring angrily at the remnants of a large keg. "Skirt wearin' freaks lightin' up perfectly good alcohol…"

"There, there, Oggie. I'm sure it was over so fast the keg didn't feel a thing." Elissa cooed, patting his shoulder with a smile. "It is quite odd a mage would attack merchant caravans… bandits don't typically truck with mages. Mercenaries tend to be idiots with blades in my experience."

"If you add what Zevran observed to what we saw of their behavior, I'd say these bandits aren't with the mage at all." Nathaniel said, and Elissa watched the elf's subtle nod support his assessment. "This may have started out as simple smash and grab – but whatever is happening now is entirely different. I think we should consider the possibility that you've been lured here."

"You think this is to do with the price on my head?" Elissa asked, raising an eyebrow and tapping at her chin as she considered the idea. "Perhaps… interrupting trade in the Arling would be sure to get my attention, however, I've never seen a mage assassin. Have you?"

"No, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Like you said, they're taking on anyone who will accept the bounty. That leaves us with a virtually limitless pool on who could be coming after you." Nathaniel replied, pacing over to her shoulder and eying the tree line again – watching as Zevran did the same.

"I suppose it's possible… but I think it's unlikely." Elissa shrugged, moving further down the one path opened to them now that the main road had been blocked by flaming cart debris.

"What's so _unlikely_ about a mage as an assassin?" Anders grumbled, falling in beside her. "I'd wager I know quite a few tricks you'd be defenseless in the face of."

"Somebody's got their knickers in a twist…" Elissa smirked, reaching over to squeeze his cheeks affectionately. "But really, I wasn't questioning the skill set – it's more the lack of stealth. You lot are hardly subtle." She looked over to him long enough to see him nod in agreement before continuing. "Also, I found a half burned parchment over there that appeared to have been orders deploying a small garrison of soldiers to clear the Dalish from this area."

"You think the Dalish did this?" Nathaniel asked, continuing to eye the surrounding area suspiciously.

"If a group of soldiers came here attempting to oust one of the Dalish camps, then it wouldn't have gone well I can tell you that. Alistair and I have made _some_ progress since The Blight with the larger groups, but there are smaller segments of the Dalish population that remain very resistant to change, even if it promises to be change for the better." Elissa sighed, continuing along the path through what remained of the soldier's encampment. "The Dalish Keepers are phenomenally powerful apostates who would easily be capable of destroying merchant carts in that fashion, this I can tell you from quite a bit of firsthand experience." she explained, stopping to inspect a body that had been pinned to the ground with a large bloody spike. "However, _this_ is not the work of the Dalish… though I have seen it before."

"Where?" Anders asked, cringing slightly as he inspected the man and noted he had likely been alive when pinned there.

"Ostagar, Denerim… most recently Vigil's Keep." Elissa explained, standing up and searching the boundaries of her perception for any trace of them. "_This_ little demonstration is the work of darkspawn."

"I can't sense anything." Nathaniel said, drawing a small smile out of her that sent a tingle up his spine.

"It's distant, but it's there." Elissa replied, patting his arm in approval. "Keep trying though. These new ones are hard to pin down, but you'll get it eventually."

"What could darkspawn hope to accomplish by attacking merchant caravans?" Anders asked, brow furrowing in confusion. "Are they low on supplies and confused about the process of haggling?"

"I doubt it… I doubt they even attacked the caravans unless it was incidental damage." Elissa replied, chuckling softly at his joke and earning a smile in reply. "Most likely what we're witnessing is simply the result of a perfect storm."

"Meaning the soldiers attacked the Dalish, the Dalish retaliated by attacking the caravans and the darkspawn, what, took advantage of the situation?" Nathaniel asked, falling in beside her as she moved them further along the path.

"And the bandits, being the opportunistic bastards that they are, decided to see what was loot-able in the aftermath." Elissa nodded, winding carefully along the debris littered trail. "Of course, it could be any number of combinations that resulted in what we're seeing. It's odd to think on it, but I suppose the darkspawn _could_ have attacked one of the factions to start this."

"You think the _darkspawn_ could be responsible?" Anders inquired, even more unsettled by that thought than he had been any of the previous suggestions.

"There was a time not too long ago when I would have considered that a ridiculous notion… however, these spawn are smart." Elissa noted, beginning to slow her strides as she recognized some tracks leading off the path into the grassy hillside beyond. "Whether it is being bred into them somehow or they are receiving instruction from something other than an Archdemon, I still couldn't say. But they plan and they plot and they react in ways that are outside of my experience. That much is certain."

"Ah, you have seen them too, my Warden." Zevran smirked, tossing Elissa a wink as he sidled up beside her and watched her motion the others to a stop behind them.

"What? What are we seeing?" Anders whispered, looking in the direction they'd been staring but seeing nothing aside from dirt and patchy grasses.

"The tracks are hardly noticeable, unless you've seen them before." Elissa said, trying to be encouraging when Nathaniel seemed concerned that his own tracking skills had not picked up whatever they were seeing. "Fortunately for you lot, Zev and I have seen these before… though I have to say I thought never to see them again outside of the Brecillian Forest."

"Not more werewolves!" Anders complained, slinking back behind Oghren and his giant axe as he remembered how they'd found him to be particularly interesting back in the Blackmarsh.

"Not this time, no…" Elissa said, reaching for his arm and nodding at him encouragingly before she drew him forward just far enough to make out where she pointed right at the crest of the hill.

"I see a smoldering tree. Is there something _in_ it?" Anders huffed, annoyed to have some of his more lacking qualities put on display to the group once again.

"It _is_ the tree. They're called Sylvans. You tend to find them in very old forest groves, like the Brecillian and apparently the Wending Wood." Elissa explained, feeling the others who had not experienced the creatures before moving in for a closer look. "From what Lanaya led me to believe, some of the more powerful Keepers can both summon and control them – to a certain extent."

"Are they dangerous?" Sigrun asked, straining up on her toes to see better. "I mean, they're rooted into the ground… how scary can they be?"

"They can quite dangerous, yes. Though I spoke, once, with one of the Elders who was…" Elissa began, before Zevran interrupted.

"Left to ache, and break and mourn – while we searched for his acorn?" Zevran rattled off, sending Elissa and Oghren into peals of laughter.

"Ugh… that was horrible…" Anders noted, sharing a distinctly confused look with Nathaniel and Sigrun.

"The tree it… it spoke in… Oh, never mind. You had to be there." Elissa explained, wiping at her eyes as the moment passed and refocusing them to their task. "As these Sylvans seem to have been set afire at some point, I'm going to assume them to be hostile or at the very least distinctly pissed off. It's unfortunate. These creatures are rare and very old, but we'll need to kill them as there's no other way around."

"And how does one go about killing a tree? I mean short of depriving it of water… which, would take a very long time." Anders quipped, raising an eyebrow at her.

"In the Brecillian Forest we mostly had Morrigan light them up while the rest of us hacked away until they lacked the capacity to continue. However, as these are _already _burning and don't seem to be much worse for the wear…" Elissa remembered, sharing a look with Zevran and Oghren in search of alternatives. "Oh! I've got an idea. What about that lovely freezy trick you did with the Hurlocks back when we first met?"

"You remember our first date, dear lady… I am all a tingle!" Anders winked, garnering a quick swat that refocused him.

"Oghren, a lot of this is going to fall on us as we've the heaviest blades." Elissa explained, pulling her swords loose again. "We've got a few minutes once they're frozen. If it works, we should be able to smash them to bits with a properly placed strike."

She waited for Anders to signal he was ready, charging up the hill and drawing the two Sylvans down on them in a cluster so that it would be easier for the mage to freeze them in one go. Once they were iced, Oghren shattered one of them easily with his massive axe leaving Elissa to finish off the other with her blades.

"You learn something new every day." Nathaniel shrugged, shouldering his bow for the moment and giving a respectful nod to Anders who popped off up the hill in his excitement.

"There are more carts ahead. They've blocked off all the paths but one and it leads off over that bridge ahead." Anders noted when the rest of the company moved in behind him.

"How convenient we must enter a choke point in order to move forward." Nathaniel groused, eying the high cliff walls surrounding the narrow swath of road that was their way forward. "I do not like this, Elissa. I do not like it at all."

"I find it difficult to argue with his assessment, my Warden." Zevran added, his eyes cautiously studying the landscape around them for alternative options. "Were I plotting to do you harm, I would find that position a particularly delightful one from which to launch my assault."

"If _you_ were plotting to do me harm you'd send some skanky blonde waif out to beg for my assistance then try to drop a tree on me." Elissa chuckled, ignoring his muttered Antivan curses and sticking out her tongue at him as he walked away. "Besides, regardless what either of you think, that bridge is the only way forward – and forward we must go."

Elissa darted ahead after that, forcing the others to follow along whether they agreed with her decision or not, but she stopped half way across the bridge as a harried looking man came tearing down the path in their direction.

"Out of my way!" he yelled, attempting to muscle his way by Elissa before Nathaniel waylaid him with a quick flex of his arm. The man struggled against his grip for a moment before realizing he'd never get out. "I need to get out of here. _You_ need to get out of here!"

"No… what _you_ need to do is start talking." Elissa insisted, smiling sweetly at him as she leaned closer. "Why have you been attacking my caravans?"

"_Your_ caravans? And who are you supposed to be?" the man retorted, sniffing arrogantly at her though he was still twitchy and constantly looking over his shoulder up the path from whence he came.

"I am the Commander of the Grey, and sadly, by default, also Arlessa of Amaranthine." Elissa replied, reaching up to tap his cheek with a short sharp smack. "Now, if you want me to have my friend here release you so that you can continue to run from whatever it is you've managed to piss off back there, I'd suggest you get to talking."

"Commander of the bloody Grey… of all the…" the man muttered, eyes even more fearful than they'd already been. "Look. We _heard_ about the caravan attacks but it wasn't us, I swear! We just thought there'd be valuables left behind, but then…"

Elissa heard a rumbling and then a spray of falling rock from the cliff above, flicking her eyes up to catch the figure of an elf emerging from a pod of root clusters similar to the cages that the Sylvans would sometimes throw out in their defense.

"Andraste have mercy… it's _her_…" the man whimpered, bucking against Nathaniel's grip harder until Elissa signaled his release, then tearing off away from them.

"You are too well armed to be more scavengers come to prey on the misfortune of others…" the blonde noted, glaring down at them through narrowed eyes. "I'll assume you've come for me then."

"I'm afraid I've no idea who you are." Elissa said, bringing a hand up to shield her eyes so she could get a better look at the woman. "Though, based on what you're… _wearing_… I'm half tempted to ask if you know my friend Morrigan."

"Do you think that you are funny, shem?" the elf retorted, anger renewed as she felt insulted by Elissa's assessment of her attire. "We shall see how long your laughter continues if you do not turn back now. I have not allowed your soldiers to drive me out of this forest, nor the darkspawn. You will fare no better."

"The soldiers that tracked you were not mine, at least they were no one sent on my orders." Elissa explained, attempting to soothe the damage her thoughtless quip had done – she'd forgotten just how testy the Dalish could be. "We are Grey Wardens."

"You are here to battle the darkspawn then?" the elf replied, posture easing slightly. "Very well then. Go deal with them and stay out of my way. Consider this your warning."

"Wait!" Elissa called out, dashing forward slightly when she saw the woman beginning to cast what she could only assume to be that root spell she used to travel. "Have you been attacking the caravans?"

"What interest do Grey Wardens have in traveling merchants?" the elf said, sauntering closer to the edge and renewing her suspicious glare.

"The supplies these caravans carry were en route to my Arling, thus, they are my responsibility." Elissa explained, watching the woman's face shift back into anger.

"Then you should consider it to _also_ be your responsibility to relay to your caravans that the attacks will continue until they've returned my sister!" the elf hissed, her eyes venomous and spiteful.

"Your sister?" Elissa asked, genuinely confused.

"I'm done talking, shem." The elf retorted, starting to cast again. "I hold no ill will toward the Wardens, but I will not hesitate to kill you should you interfere with my quest to reclaim my blood." Then, just as quickly as she'd appeared, she was gone.

"Well, she was… _unpleasant_… though appealing in her nakedness." Anders noted, garnering a frustrated look from Elissa as she passed an annoyed glare across all of the sheepish looking men in her party.

"And suddenly I wish I traveled with more women…" Elissa muttered, worrying with her forehead as she tried to process this newest bit of information.

"Ah, but my lovely Warden, then who would come to your rescue when you are in need of aid?" Zevran smirked, lounging against her side in an attempt to diffuse her.

"At the moment, Sigrun." Elissa retorted, shaking him off and sharing an appreciative nod with the perky dwarf. "You lot were too distracted by boobies."

"Heh… boobies…" Oghren muttered, stroking his beard appreciatively and drawing a chuckle out of Anders until Elissa glared him into silence.

"You need to get laid…" Elissa said, moving away from them and up the path in her frustration with an equally un-amused Sigrun beside her. "_All_ of you."

"Is that an offer, dear heart?" Zevran quipped, chuckling when she flipped an exceptionally rude gesture back in his direction. "Grr... you know I love it when you play hard to get…"

He jogged off after her setting the remaining three in motion behind him.

"I don't know why she's mad." Anders quipped, keeping his voice a low whisper so that only Oghren and Nathaniel could hear. "Even all covered up, her breasts are much nicer."

Oghren readily shared in the laughter, and even Nathaniel chuckled, tossing an appreciative glance in Elissa's direction.

"Like teh see yeh tell 'er that!" Oghren snorted, taking a pull from his flask.

"I fancy all my bits attached, thank you very much." Anders replied, listening to Nathaniel's actual laughter erupt beside him, and sharing one of the few companionable smiles the pair would ever share.

* * *

><p>They pressed on for some time, fighting off occasional pockets of Sylvans or bandits as they moved deeper into the forest. Around them, ancient ruins started to dot the landscape much the same as Elissa had seen in the Korcari Wilds and then again in the Brecillian Forest. Some time after that, the strange sculptural pieces that Anders had dubbed "darkspawn décor" back in the Knotwood Hills started to weave in around the path ways.<p>

"I think I can sense them." Anders said, stifling a gag as they rounded a corner in the long gorge they'd entered a few miles back.

"Give the nausea a moment to pass, then focus." Elissa said, signaling the others to give them some room. Sigrun was already well on her way to tracking them properly after working with Nathaniel, and she doubted Oghren would ever be focused enough to even try, so Anders was her last pupil for the moment. "Just breathe and take your time. You can do this."

"There are eight… no, ten maybe?" Anders started, closing his eyes and breathing slowly – trying to will himself not to be sick and focus in on the warmth of Elissa's hand through her glove where it sat on his arm and the comfort that it gave him. "It's hard to be sure. Some of them are stronger."

"One is an Alpha and one is an Emissary." Elissa explained, smiling at him when he opened his eyes and watching his own face mimic her expression. "The Emissaries should be particularly easy for you to pick out as you can sense their magic. But you're learning… it will come easier in time. And… you didn't puke."

Anders had been right with his count, and with Elissa's added information about the presence of the stronger darkspawn among the small swarm, it was not hard for the company to make quick work of them.

"This is an outpost of some sort." Nathaniel said, looking over the well worn ground as he retrieved any salvageable arrows. "There is far too much foot traffic here for us to have simply stumbled upon a hunting party."

"I agree." Elissa replied, pressing forward out of the ravine and up a nearby hill. "Though I've yet to see a reason for them to establish any sort of presence here."

"Didn't you say they originally surfaced in the Korcari Wilds during The Blight?" Nathaniel continued, moving in beside her and watching her search her periphery for more darkspawn presence.

"They did, but that was a rupture in the Deep Roads to allow The Horde access to the surface. I've seen no evidence of that here… which makes their presence even more unusual." Elissa replied, brow furrowed in concentration as she began to sense something. "Shrieks!"

With her cry, everyone shielded their ears long enough to miss the stunning shout of the creatures' initial appearance and shifted into a defensive formation as best they could on the narrow incline.

The half-dozen spawn circled with a purpose, lashing out at the others but treating Elissa as though they had some intention of taking her without doing more harm than necessary. Elissa seemed not to notice, simply taking advantage of their lackadaisical attitude and using it to kill them more efficiently.

When the last had fallen, Nathaniel lagged back to catch the attention of The Assassin – the one man he was certain had witnessed the same subtle aspects of their behavior.

"They are culling her." Nathaniel muttered, pitching his voice low enough that only the elf's ears would hear him.

"I knew that you would see it as well, my friend." Zevran replied, his usual good humor only half evident in light of the discussion. "The previous group seemed hesitant to do her true harm as well, but I wanted to watch a bit longer to be certain before I mentioned anything."

"I _saw_ something in the tunnels beneath Vigil's Keep before you joined us. Elissa was… acting irrationally and attempted to taunt an ogre into killing her." Nathaniel began, knowing this man was not yet his friend but willing to risk his trust to protect a woman for whom he knew they both cared. "When I found them the ogre was just standing there staring at her. I swear if I hadn't walked up… it looked like it was reaching out to touch her face with… _affection_."

"Now is not the time…" Zevran warned, catching the curious flicker of Elissa's eyes across their conversation. "But there are… _things_ that you and I must speak of in light of this new information. I warn you, Doamna Mortii will not thank me for sharing her secrets so make no mention to her that I am whispering in your ear."

"If she would be upset, then why betray her confidence to me?" Nathaniel inquired, more curious about why the elf would choose to trust him now than concerned on Elissa's behalf.

"I do not trust you, Hentes Fia… not yet, and to betray the trust of the one person who has always been true to me is not an easy thing. I ask that you not make light of it." Zevran replied, his eyes glittering dangerously. "What I trust in is your feelings toward her. Whatever they are, whatever she thinks of them, that is none of my concern. I simply know that they will push you to do what is necessary to keep her from harm, and that is all I need to know for the moment."

Nathaniel nodded to the elf, watching him stride gracefully through their companions and back to his place at Elissa's side.

* * *

><p>"Ugh… oh, that's awful." Elissa said, covering her nose and mouth with the cloth from her cowl to block out the stench from the pit of rotting corpses they'd found and attempting to inspect them closer. "They've been here for awhile… at least a week, though with the temperatures dropping so low at night now it could be closer to two."<p>

She stopped to check on Anders after making her way back to the group, making sure he'd settled his stomach somewhat after losing his breakfast in the bushes. No one made fun of him this time. The stench had kept most of them from straying close enough to look into it at all.

"Most of the bodies are those of the soldiers your missive described." Zevran noted, freeing the lower half of his own face now that they'd moved up wind of the pit. "There were several bandits and merchants among them, but I saw none I recognized as Dalish. It is possible they were among the more charred bits, but my guess is their dead have been taken elsewhere."

"There's a trail here." Nathaniel called, drawing both Elissa and Zevran up beside him to investigate.

"This blood is fairly fresh." Elissa said, rubbing the tacky crimson fluid between her fingers and standing to follow Nathaniel's eyes to where further spatters dotted the landscape ahead amongst scattered footprints and drag marks. "Whomever crawled out of that pit, may still be alive… though not for long."

"That's not a lot of blood." Anders noted, falling in behind them. "I doubt they'll bleed out before I get there, and I can patch them up when I do."

"She means it's tainted." Nathaniel explained, having been able to sense the darkspawn's poison within it himself – though whether his skills were improving or Elissa's knowledge was somehow filtering into his mind he couldn't say.

"I'm sorry, Anders… I know you _frown_ upon my decisions concerning those infected by the taint." Elissa replied, hesitantly meeting the mage's eyes as she had no desire for another lecture. "But you should prepare yourself for what's to come. Whoever this is will have to be put down, if they aren't already too far gone to care."

Almost as though her statement had summoned him into being, the Wardens found themselves in a shoddy makeshift camp deep in some nearby underbrush – and there in the middle of it lay a man who was very obviously blighted.

"D-Don't look…" the soldier groaned, attempting to cover his rot marked face as Elissa knelt at his side. "Don't look at me, my lady."

"Oh, come now." Elissa said, her voice much kinder than it had been moments before when she reached over to draw the man's hand down into her own. "I've seen worse, and I'm hardly a lady." The man laughed slightly, before devolving into pained moans that quickly had Elissa waving Anders down beside her and asking him to cast something for the pain. "I assume you are one of the local militia men sent here to deal with the Dalish?"

"Yes, my lady. I... we came for the woods-witch… but we were ripped apart." He was shaking as he spoke, and grasping harder at Elissa's arms as though she could anchor him to reality. "Biting claws and teeth from the darkness… And then I woke… flesh and bone and gristle under me… around me…" he grimaced, skittering closer against her as though he felt himself lying back among the dead. "Everyone is dead now… Dead soft meat melting into the ground. Only me… but I will go soon. I couldn't stand to see it… I crawled away… I came here…"

Elissa could see that the man's quick devolution at the hands of the very same taint that all Wardens carried was taking its toll on soft-hearted Anders, and leveled a gaze at him that made it clear he could step away if he needed to. She would deal with this alone just as she always had. But he shook his head, steeling his nerve and kneeling resolutely beside her.

"Shh… shh…" Elissa cooed, stroking his hair in an effort to calm and refocus him so she could glean any further information before doing what needed to be done. "I need to know what happened with the Dalish. Were the soldiers responsible for the casualties among their clan?"

"No… darkspawn came first. Slaughtered us, took our steel and our bows and planted them where the woods-witch would see." The man explained, missing the quick gaze shared between Elissa and Nathaniel, "She thinks we are to blame… Hunts all who come in her rage while they _watch_ from the shadows…"

"All these people… all the ones she killed… they've died over a misunderstanding?" Anders hissed, his own fury peaked that a mage could be so careless – it was these sorts of things that kept his kind locked away in towers simply for being born with a gift. "We have to stop her! We have to tell her she's wrong!"

"I doubt it will be that easy, Anders. The Dalish are notoriously prickly to humans even when they haven't been goaded." Elissa replied, sighing when his brow furrowed in frustration. "I do _intend_ to try to speak with her before resorting to violence. I'm simply saying you shouldn't get your hopes up. Some people cannot be saved from their need for vengeance until they have seen it through to the bitter end."

Anders shivered at bit at her words, seeing behind the glinting green of her eyes a heavy shadow of where she had been and where she could easily go again should she wane in her vigil to keep her temper in check.

"What about her sister? The elf's sister?" Nathaniel interjected, seeing that they were moving quickly past the time where the man in front of them was going to remain sane enough to speak with them.

"Elf-sister?" the man questioned, turning his cloudy dead eyes to Nathaniel's gray, "No… we did not take her. Probably dead or… or _eaten_."

"Or worse…" Oghren muttered, stumbling away at the thought of having to deal with another Broodmother and drinking heavily from his flask.

"The dark ones are curious about you…" the man said, settling his gaze back on Elissa. "They watch you from the shadows… waiting."

"The darkspawn are always curious about Wardens… at least in the sense that they want to find and kill us." Elissa replied, not really giving it more than a passing consideration.

"No. They do not watch the Wardens. It is _only_ the Grey Lady. It is _only_ you." The man repeated, dissolving into a pained groan as an unsettled glance was shared among the group.

"The taint… it is killing you. It will not be long now." Elissa explained, holding the dying man's eyes long enough to ask her final question. "I can ease your suffering if you wish me to do so."

"Am already dead. Am already gone." The man groaned, squeezing her hand. "Make an end… please."

Elissa nodded, unsheathing the dagger on her thigh and leaning forward to do what was necessary. Anders noted that she cradled the man as the life bled out of him, offering what comfort she could in much the same way that she had all of those he'd watched her take in this fashion. When he was gone, she cleaned the blade on his armor and re-sheathed it as she stood, turning to stare off into the distance as she attempted to process all they had gleaned.

"What does this mean?" Elissa muttered, more to herself than to anyone else. "What do they want with me?"

There were no answers from the shadows, save the unsettling ticking Elissa had learned to associate with Genlock rogues back in the Korcari Wilds so very long ago.

She barely had enough time to recover her senses before the group was upon them – manifesting out of the brush and tree line before any of them had time to detect their presence. There were two Alphas among the group of eight, an Emissary being one of them, and Elissa found herself caught in a paralysis spell before she even managed to get one of her swords loose.

She thought she heard Nathaniel yell something about not allowing the darkspawn to take her but it was difficult to make anything out between the sounds of battle and the blood rushing in her ears as her body was wrenched painfully in the throes of the powerful spell.

When she crumpled to the ground some time later, she felt as though she'd spent an hour on one of the racks back in Fort Drakon… or perhaps Rendon's basement torture palace.

"It's times like this when I miss Alistair most…" Elissa muttered, willing her muscles to cease the spasms that still held them painfully in check. "Oghren, you're training with The King when next we see him, if for no other reason than to toss a smite at those bloody bastards before they can put me in another paralysis spell."

Anders checked her over for permanent damage, helping her to her feet where she stood still wincing while everyone eyed her cautiously.

"I've found a trinket you might want to see." Zevran noted, breaking the silence as he moved forward and handed a filth encrusted necklace he'd confiscated from the body of the Alpha Hurlock.

"It's definitely Dalish… though it could have belonged to anyone." Elissa noted, tucking it into her pack and moving off with the intention of ignoring everything they'd just witnessed. "I saw the swells of what appeared to be aravels at the pinnacle of the ruins ahead. If we're to find the elven mage anywhere, I'd wager it's there."

"They are culling you, Elissa." Nathaniel hissed as he strode up to her side, his voice as calm as he could manage in light of the picture that was beginning to play out in front of them.

"I do not wish to discuss this any further." Elissa responded, continuing at the same pace and not even bothering to meet his eyes.

"I find myself unconcerned with what you _wish_ to discuss at the moment." Nathaniel growled, yanking her to a stop. "These creatures are actively attempting to capture you. If we add that to the disturbing list of evolution we've already seen within these particular darkspawn, it creates a distinctly unpleasant precedent. One we need to address _before_ we walk any further into what is now clearly a trap."

"I _know_ they're looking for me, Nathaniel. I've known for awhile!" Elissa snapped, realizing what she'd admitted when his eyes went wide for the briefest second in surprise, before immediately settling back into the narrowed angry glare he'd worn seconds before. "I see them… I see things in my dreams."

"So, that one with The Mother that I was _lucky_ enough to witness…" Nathaniel asked, voice dangerously low. "That was not the only one?"

"No. I have them almost every night. I've been having them since…" Elissa started, watching the concerned looks filter from face to face around her, reminding her why she hadn't said something in the first place.

"How long?" Nathaniel asked, calm at first, then more angrily when she hesitated to respond. "How long, Elissa?"

"Since Fort Drakon. Since I killed the Archdemon." Elissa yelled, covering her face with her hands when Nathaniel released her arms in frustration and stalked away. "Since I _died_."

"You've been dreaming of these things, of this _Mother_ for months now and you didn't think it was worth mentioning?" Nathaniel hissed, pacing as his temper peaked.

"To what end? What would it have accomplished? I know nothing more than you do… and it would not have changed what's to be done. We are Grey Wardens. We hunt them. That they now hunt us in return does not change that directive." Elissa replied, stalking up the hill toward the Dalish camp in her frustration. "All this accomplished was to make the lot of you more concerned for my sanity, and I've enough pity aimed in my direction to last a lifetime already, so just let it go."

Nathaniel started to march after her, intent on pushing his own agenda this time. To be so reckless with her life on not one but _two_ fronts was beyond irresponsible. It was suicidal, and it had to stop.

"Leave it." Zevran insisted, holding the much larger man back by sheer force of will. "_This_ is why I do not trust you, my friend. You may have her best interests at heart, but you do not listen. I asked you to wait for this discussion, and I asked you to share it with me. You have your own reasons for ignoring my requests I am sure, but you _will not_ deny this one lest you wish to test our skills with poisons here in the Wending Wood where I assure you, there are few cures for the toxins I carry to be found."

The look that the elf leveled in his direction left nothing to the imagination. It was venomous and hateful, and sent Nathaniel backing away and quelling his temper knowing that if he pushed any further at the moment he would indeed find himself falling victim to the tip of the assassin's poisoned blade.

By the time he caught up to Elissa and the others, she was working her way warily through the battered Dalish camp toward a line of recent cairns that dotted the hillside. In front of the intricately piled stones stood the she-elf they had been tracking.

"You…" she hissed, wiping tears away from her eyes in anger when Oghren revealed their presence with a less than stealthy face plant after tripping on one of the many pieces of planted human weaponry. "You will not take me alive!"

She instantly began drawing magic into her hands, the pulsing green crackle spinning in circles at her finger tips. Anders made a move to immobilize her, and Nathaniel nocked an arrow into his bow but Elissa waved them both down.

"I have no intentions of killing you." Elissa explained, holding up her empty hands and moving closer. "I only wish to talk."

"_Talk_." The elf sneered, folding her arms over her ample chest and forcing Elissa to stifle the sudden urge she felt to roll her eyes. Morrigan had employed similar tactics often, the motion drew most eyes in a direction that meant they would be unprepared for attack. Most _male_ eyes at any rate. "I will not go with you to some… _shemlen_… magistrate. I will not bow to your rules!"

"Being that the shemlen magistrate hearing that case would, in fact, be me… this is as close to going anywhere as you're likely to get." Elissa sighed, thinking back on the horrible guards-woman from the Brecillian forest with a fondness in light of the distinctly more unpleasant woman in front of her. "As I said, I only want to talk. I am interested in justice against you only so far as it serves my current purposes."

"_You_ are the magistrate?" the blonde growled, magic crackling at her fingers again. "I thought you were a Grey Warden? More lies? I should have known. You shems are all the same!"

"I _am_ a Grey Warden, Commander of the Ferelden forces if you want to get technical. Through no choice of my own, I am _also_ Arlessa of Amaranthine which would make me…" Elissa trailed off, realizing she was going around in circles trying to explain something that the pissed off elf clearly wasn't attentive enough to grasp at the moment. "Ugh… look, the point is I really just want to talk. To try and understand what happened here so that I can clean this mess up and get back to my room and have a proper bath and several large bottles of grain alcohol."

"It seems to me that you have _already_ done an awful lot of talking." The elf snorted, rolling her eyes. "Though I've yet to decipher anything worth hearing."

"Look, _Nymphette_…" Elissa sneered, taking a step forward in frustration and then forcing herself to relax again when she saw the elf bristle in response. "I'm sorry… that was... impolite of me. Perhaps this would go better if I had a name with which to address you."

"Why do you need my name?" the elf said, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

"I suppose I don't really _need_ it. I _can_ keep calling you what pops into my head – although, I will warn you, those will likely get distinctly more insulting than _Nymphette_ if I continue…" Elissa warned, raising an eyebrow in irritation and folding her own arms. "However, _my_ name is Elissa – so… if I were to have _yours_ it would make this discussion a bit more civilized, in my opinion."

"Velanna." The woman said, offering nothing more.

"Alright, then… _Velanna_…" Elissa started, offering a subtly polite tip of her head which the woman reluctantly responded to. "I have spent the last few hours traipsing through this forest and, with the help of my company, piecing together what happened to the best of our ability. From what we've learned, it appears that it was not the humans who slaughtered your people, rather it was the darkspawn. They have been playing you against one another from the beginning."

"What? It is not possible!" Velanna snorted, rolling her eyes again and, thankfully, not noting the quick rude gesture Elissa tossed when she turned her head. "The darkspawn are mindless creatures."

"The darkspawn _were_ mindless creatures." Elissa corrected, holding the woman's eyes to press home her point. "Trust me when I say I am in an intimate position to be able to assure you that these darkspawn are _not_ the same as the ones you may have known in the past. These creatures are sentient. They are planning something, and I fear that you and your people have become an unfortunate casualty of a much larger plot."

"So this has all been a ruse?" Velanna asked, relaxing her posture slightly and pacing closer to Elissa as she inspected the chaos in the camp around them.

"So far as we've been able to discover, yes." Elissa explained, walking at her side through the camp. "Even these weapons were left intentionally to give you the impression that it was the human soldiers or bandits who were assailing you."

"Though many shems _are_ quite stupid, I have to admit… it did not make sense to me that they would simply discard perfectly acceptable weaponry in our camp in such a manner." Velanna said, speaking slowly to ensure that the humans around her did not miss her insult.

"Wouldn't what you just admitted make _you_ stupid for believing it and slaughtering innocent people as a result?" Anders quipped, earning a quick glare from Velanna and a disapproving frown that just barely managed to hide a giggle from Elissa.

"Your people do not take orders well." Velanna noted, looking back to Elissa with a substantial amount of disgust.

"You don't know the half of it…" Elissa sighed, laughing a little until she realized the chilly elf was still un-amused.

"If the darkspawn orchestrated all of this, then they _must_ have taken my sister as well." Velanna said, turning to Elissa with as much of a smile as she could muster as though it suddenly occurred to her they might be the only people who could help.

"I would assume so." Elissa said, worrying at her lip as she retrieved the necklace from her pack. Explaining the possibility that her sister would be beyond saving, or worse – need to be eliminated, was not a bridge she looked forward to crossing with the openly hostile elf. "My friend Zevran there found this on one of their corpses. Does it mean anything to you?"

"How nice, you travel with a Dalish… pet…" Velanna sneered, taking the trinket into her hand and beginning to inspect it before Zevran's reply drew her attention.

"I am not Dalish, though I would _gladly_ be her pet would she only allow it." Zevran smirked, tossing the appalled woman a wink as he kissed Elissa's hand and sauntered away.

"You'll have to excuse him. He's Antivan." Elissa sighed, shrugging at the ruffled woman then turning her eyes back to the necklace. "So?"

"It is Seranni's. And she would never part with it… at least not willingly. Our mother gave it to her before she died." Velanna noted, a shadow of sadness passing over her features before they settled back into their usual mask of disdain. "Why would the darkspawn do this? Kidnap my sister?"

"I can think of several reasons, and none of them are good." Elissa replied, rubbing at the bridge of her nose with a sigh. "It's really best not to postulate until we've _at least_ looked for her." She turned her eyes back down the hill, running them across the expanse of the forest. "We found what appeared to be an outpost nearby, but there's got to be a hive somewhere. Most likely underground. They like tunnels and old ruins in my experience."

"There is an abandoned silverite mine some ways to the north from here." Velanna noted, moving to her side and drawing Elissa's eyes along her long tan arm to a tiny speck at the tip of her finger. "The tunnels beneath it run far beneath the earth."

"We have no reason to trust one another. I am just as hesitant here as you, seeing that you slaughtered a large amount of people who have since turned out to be innocent _and_ threatened to attack me and my companions on several occasions." Elissa said, holding up a hand to halt her words when the elf immediately started to bristle at the accusations. "_However_, I am not above forgiveness in light of the extenuating circumstances and, in my _personal_ experience, having a powerful sorceress around is quite handy in tight places."

"Are you suggesting an alliance?" Velanna asked, inspecting the other woman through narrowed eyes.

"If you can play nice, I can." Elissa replied, shrugging her shoulders. "Either way, _we're_ headed into those mines, and if your sister is to be found - I'd wager it's inside them."

The blonde stared at her for several long moments before finally coming to a decision, reaching over to hold out her hand though she stared resolutely ahead.

"Deal." Velanna said, squeezing lightly at Elissa's hand when she felt it slide into her own.

"Deal." Elissa replied, dropping it quickly and moving off down the hill with the other woman at her side.

"I've three sovereigns that says _that_ devolves into one hell of a cat fight in less than an hour." Anders whispered, leaning low enough so that both the dwarves could hear him.

"Aye, I'll take that action an' tack on another three the Commander starts callin' 'er somethin' like _Nipples_ or _Bubbles_ in two." Oghren snorted, setting Sigrun and Anders into belly rolls they barely managed to stifle before drawing the two women's attention.

"I'm in, but I think they won't even make it inside the tunnels before the Commander slips up and says something insulting about her lack of clothing." Sigrun laughed, drawing a smirk out of Nathaniel with the foresight in that one.

"If we could only acquire a large tub of mud or perhaps oil somewhere within which to stage this cat fight…" Zevran muttered, drawing appreciative grins out of two of the three other men in the group. "That would certainly make the fall out more pleasurable, no?"

"You know she's likely to kill you if she hears you saying that?" Nathaniel said, quirking an eyebrow at the elf who simply smirked in response. "Actually, now that I think about it – they're _both_ likely to kill you if they hear you saying that."

"Ah, but I would die a _very_ happy man…" Zevran leered, tossing him a wink before he bounded off down the hill to join the women in question.

"What about you, Howe? You want in?" Anders asked, fully expecting the man to say no but not wanting to deny himself the chance he might earn some more coin when he won the wager against the arrogant archer.

"_Ten_ sovereigns she does all of the above, mud or oil wrestling aside, and conscripts the bloody elf anyway." Nathaniel said, tossing a small coin purse over to the mage for safe keeping and smirking at him as he made his own way down the hill.

"The man's an ass, but he _knows_ the Commander." Anders chuckled, slapping Oghren on the back as they moved off to catch the others.


	19. Chapter 19: Through the Looking Glass

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** ***Re-posted with minor edits 12/15/11***_

_Muse Music: Burn by The Anix vs. Apoptygma Berzerk (cover of a Cure song), and Shadows by Red._

_Antivan Translation: He is hung like a stallion.  
><em>

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! As always, you guys make this extra fun! :) _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Nineteen: Through the Looking Glass<strong>_

Elissa and Velanna led the group wordlessly through the wood in the direction that the chilly Dalish woman had indicated the abandoned mine entrance could be found. As the ruined door became visible through the thinning foliage around them, Elissa began to sense the faint traces she'd learned to recognize as these altered darkspawn. She flicked her hand over to press against Velanna's forearm to silently halt their progress. The elf bristled at the contact, narrowing suspicious eyes in Elissa's direction.

"I assure you, I have no intention of copping a feel – now or in the future." Elissa sighed, wrinkling her brow and pressing out to the edge of her senses for a read on what lay before them. "I simply needed to stop your progress without alerting what is waiting at the bottom of this hill."

"More soldiers?" Velanna sneered, freeing her arm from Elissa's grasp with a quick yank and popping her staff off its anchor.

"Easy, killer…" Elissa smirked, allowing herself a short chuckle when the elf glared even harder. "...it's only darkspawn. Though, I'd say if we were looking for proof that your mine theory is correct, we've got it."

"I'm still not good with numbers, but I can tell you one is minty!" Sigrun chirped, beaming up at Elissa.

"That would be the Emissary, yes." Elissa replied, smiling back and ignoring the confused glance from the cranky blonde beside her. "There are four others, three drones and what I assume is likely to be an ogre."

Elissa waved Oghren ahead of them, sending him to gather the small force together before refocusing his efforts on the ogre. Zevran and Sigrun sprinted off, hot on his heels. Elissa took off after the Emissary, tossing a pleased nod back in Velanna's direction when she petrified it before it could complete the paralysis spell it'd undoubtedly been in the process of casting. The cluster fell quickly due to the Wardens superior numbers alone, leaving the group to carefully inspect the ancient and nearly hazardous looking staircase that descended deep into the earth.

"I say _again_, this is a trap." Nathaniel grumbled, repeating his earlier warning and accepting the glare that Elissa offered him in return for his efforts. "We should not be going down there. Not like this; blind in all but the knowledge that they are seeking you."

"We are Grey Wardens, Nathaniel. Going down there is what we do." Elissa sighed, starting down the stairs and forcing the others to decide whether to come along and follow her orders or linger behind with Nathaniel. "If you want to stay up here and try to decipher what's going on while I go see to cleaning it up, do it, but I'm not waiting. If it's a trap, I say spring it."

Velanna had no issue with going along, darting down the stairs behind her along with both Zevran and Oghren. Anders hesitated for a moment, both concerned with her safety and balking at the idea of going back down into the spawn infested bowels of the earth again, but eventually he bounded down the stairs as well.

"I'm going." Sigrun said, looking up at Nathaniel with slight concern. "If you're right, she's going to need our help and you can't offer that standing up here and sulking. Wouldn't you rather be there if she needs you instead of standing up here waiting to say you're right?"

Nathaniel sighed, falling in behind her as she disappeared into the shadows of the steadily declining stairs. By the time they caught up with the others, Elissa and Velanna were stepping off the end of the lengthy ramp and onto the dirt floor at the bottom.

Nathaniel saw it then. The odd symbol half buried beneath the dirt and rubble that had accumulated within the chamber with the passage of time. He dashed forward, dragging Sigrun and Anders along in his wake as his desperate need to reach Elissa was written clearly across his normally stoic features.

"Elissa, stop! There's…" Nathaniel managed, before he found himself unable to move anything aside from his eyes. A quick flick to the left and right verified what he'd already known to be true. They were all stuck. Paralyzed by whatever had been carved into the floor.

Nathaniel followed Elissa's gaze, turning his eyes up to a high ledge where an incredibly disturbing looking darkspawn now stood. His robes and the faint sensation of peppermint marked him for the Emissary that he was, but nothing else about him was familiar. Not to him and certainly not to Elissa whose fear and confusion he could feel leeching over into his own mind as the creature started to channel a spell.

"Shh…." The creature whispered, its words pitched low and almost soothing. "Sleep."

Oghren and Sigrun dropped first, followed soon after by Zevran and Velanna. Anders managed to fight it off for a while longer, but eventually gave in and crumpled to the floor in a deep sleep just like the others. Nathaniel watched Elissa losing her own battle, her green eyes flickering closed as her body crumpled down to the dirt. After that, he remembered nothing more.

* * *

><p>"<em>I cannot tell you how long I have waited for this moment, my Grey Lady." The Emissary whispered, tracing his long clawed fingers along the now exposed skin of her arm and shoulder. "I am The Architect, and your song has haunted my dreams for many years."<em>

_Elissa struggled, but barely managed any movement as her body was still weak and held in the confines of some powerful paralysis spell. She stifled both a gag and a groan when his fingers reached the bare skin of her leg, tracing along the scar that Nathaniel's father had given her so long ago._

"_You need not be afraid. I would never harm you." The Architect insisted, drawing his long fingers back when he sensed her discomfort at his exploration of her body. "I have merely treated your wounds and both taken and given what we needed to exchange at this juncture."_

_Elissa tried to speak, but found that she was unable to manage even a sound. Her tongue felt too heavy and her traitorous lips would not respond to her commands no matter how many times she encouraged them to do so._

"_There is so much to… say…" The Architect continued, pausing over the last word as though it had been difficult to settle on. "But now is not the time for us… Rest, rest and evolve. Our time will come…"_

* * *

><p>When Nathaniel awoke, it was in a prison cell dressed in plain clothes similar to what he'd been given the last time he'd found himself locked in a cage. Oghren and Zevran were already there and awake, nursing small headaches similar to his own. Velanna and Sigrun were returned soon after, unconscious but alive. The darkspawn that carried them in were accompanied by an Emissary that paralyzed the others so they had no ability to speak, much less attempt to mount an escape. Some time later, Anders was also dumped into the cell, but no matter how long they waited – Elissa never came.<p>

"I swear to the Maker if you don't sit down I'm going to put you down!" Anders hissed, The Archer's frantic pacing from one end of the cell to the other finally pushing him over the edge.

"And just how do you plan to do that, _mage_?" Nathaniel growled, glaring at him and continuing to stomp around. "You're fairly useless without that great hunk of wood so far as I've been able to tell."

"At least you admit that the size of my wood is clearly superior to yours." Anders smirked, doing his best not to cringe when the larger man charged in his direction.

"Boys, _Boys!_" Sigrun yelped, running in between them and keeping them separate as best she could though they shoved against her. "A little help?" she muttered, bringing Oghren and Zevran over to forcibly separate the two.

"Useless, all of you." Velanna snorted from her seat by the wall, disgusted with the entire mob of them.

That brought everyone's temper to a boil, and before they knew it they were all standing in the middle of the room shouting and shoving and seconds away from a full out brawl. Looking back on it, everyone would have taken the opportunity to throw the first punch, had they not suddenly found themselves paralyzed again.

They heard the soft thud of a body being settled on the floor behind them, and the gate locking soon after, before they were finally released from the spell. Zevran was in motion first, sprinting over to the new arrival faster than Nathaniel would have believed possible had he not witnessed it with his own eyes.

Elissa lay crumpled just inside the cell door, dressed much like the others in the plain clothes of the peasantry. Her hair was loose and seemed darker than normal against her exceptionally pale skin. She hardly did more than twitch lightly when Zevran tugged her into his lap and began inspecting her for injuries.

Nathaniel crouched down beside her and Anders hovered over his shoulder, their earlier argument forgotten in the presence of the fragile looking woman draped across The Assassin's legs.

"Is she..?" Anders started, concerned that she was not yet waking, when the others had said everyone prior to and including him had not taken very long to recover once they had been returned to the room.

"She is simply exhausted, so far as I can tell." Zevran answered, finding the pink new skin of a recent scar at the fold of her arm. "But this scarring tells me she has been bled for some reason…"

"Bled? These things _bled_ her?" Nathaniel hissed, reaching over to inspect the scar for himself.

"Aye, same as the rest of us." Oghren snorted, raising his arm up to show his own scar and watching as all of the others found and exposed marks of their own.

"What would darkspawn want with our blood?" Anders asked, horrified at the possibility of something else out there being able to track him the way that the Chantry already could.

"Ugh… oh… Maker that smarts! Can't you all ever shut up?" Elissa muttered, silencing any further discussion as she started to stir in The Assassin's arms.

She rubbed at her temples, trying to push away the headache as her eyes flickered open. Through the slow fluttering of her eyelids, Zevran watched a quick smoky shadow pass across her eyes. It was only there for the briefest of moments; so fast, so subtle he would almost have believed himself to have imagined it had he not caught the look on both Nathaniel and Anders' faces saying they'd seen it too.

Though it took her some time, Elissa eventually sat up, taking the assistance Nathaniel offered her and pulling to a stand – wavering on her feet for only a moment before she began inspecting their cell for anything that could get them out.

"Have you checked the cell for anything useful?" Elissa asked, starting to pace slowly around the room.

"Several times over. They've left nothing and the lock is heavily enchanted regardless." Nathaniel replied, watching her warily from across the room as he could feel her temper churning in his own blood.

"He is right, my Warden. If we are to exit this cell it will be with a key or under someone else's volition." Zevran added, noting the heavy weight of Nathaniel's eyes on her as she came to a stop in the middle of the room, stumbling in the long narrow skirt of her foreign clothing.

"Bloody hell! Is it too much to ask to be given pants when I'm thrown unconscious into a prison cell!" Elissa ranted, dipping down to pick up a long jagged piece of stone from the floor. "I can't even pace properly in this horrible thing!"

"Surely that's no reason to commit harry carry?" Anders quipped, trying to keep his voice light though the look in his eyes showed he was seriously worried as he approached her.

"I'm not going to start cutting on myself, Anders." Elissa snorted, shoving the point of the stone through the cloth of her skirt at around mid thigh and pushing it through enough so that she could get her fingers in before tearing away the bottom half of the dress with a sigh. She kicked out each leg, shaking loose the coiled muscles of her thighs. "There, that's better."

She tossed the offending strip of cloth over to the floor and popped off both her sleeve caps, making eye contact with Velanna just long enough to throw the stone over to her so she could repeat the process with her own garment.

"Elissa… surely you could have simply cut a slit in the side of the skirt rather than removing the entire piece." Nathaniel grumbled, watching every male set of eyes in the room follow her long bare legs around the room.

"Pfft." Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes at him. "Bare legs are hardly risqué. My top is fully covered and I'm wearing my small clothes. Besides, _Melonna_ over there was wearing far less than this when we found her and none of you seemed concerned for her virtue." She tossed a sweet smile over at the elf who was passing the stone over to Sigrun to make similar alterations. "No offense, sweety."

"None taken." Velanna sneered, sauntering toward her. "If my legs were mangled up like yours, I'd keep them well under wraps."

Elissa's eyes narrowed on the elf for a moment, realizing that in altering her clothing she'd made it possible for anyone looking to see the horrific scar that Nathaniel's father had given her as a parting gift.

"Maker's breath! What did that and why didn't your healer prevent this scarring?" Anders said, coming closer and attempting to inspect the wound until he realized exactly how far underneath her skirt it disappeared. He cleared his throat and backed away, flushing all the way down beneath his collar.

"That was a gift from the late Rendon Howe . Lovely, isn't it?" Elissa said, eyes flickering over to Nathaniel's as she watched his eyes trace its path. She could see his mind processing the pleasure his father had likely experienced in delivering such a wound to her, and the disgust etched into his face when he finally turned away. "My healer used all of her mana trying to seal off the vessels and save not only my life but the use of the limb. After that I was thrown into Fort Drakon where I'm fairly certain Loghain cared little for our scarring considering the marks both Alistair and I carry over most of our backs."

"Yes, yes. I'm _sure_ you've suffered horribly. Some shem cut you and another imprisoned you and your perfect porcelain skin was damaged as a result." Velanna chattered, folding her arms over her chest in frustration. "While I would _love_ to stand here wasting more time listening to the sob stories of some pretentious little twit who has no idea what it is to really struggle, my sister is still missing. I want to know what you intend to do to get us out of here, seeing as these idiots were capable of nothing more than muttering about where you'd gone from the moment I woke up."

"Why don't you start by going to talk to her?" Elissa suggested, folding her own arms and tilting her head over toward the cell door.

"Was your head damaged during your abduction?" Velanna spat, clearly believing her mad. "We're locked in, and even if we weren't I have no idea where she is."

"Oddly, I'm thinking more clearly right now than I have in quite some time." Elissa said, raising an eyebrow and pressing her lips together as she realized it was actually true and not simply a boast she was making to get under the elf's skin. "Someone with the taint is coming in our direction. The trace is too faint to be a darkspawn, even one of _these_ darkspawn, _and_, as we've only seen one ghoul thus far, I'd wager it's going to be your sister that walks through that door."

Moments later, as though Elissa had willed her into being, a small, frail elven woman came in from a side door and sidled over to stand in front of their cell.

"Seranni!" Velanna gasped, rushing over to the bars to inspect her sister who was clearly blighted. "Oh creators… what have they done to you?"

"_Well that was creepy._" Anders whispered, leaning in toward Nathaniel and Zevran who both tossed him a glare in response. "What? It was!"

"They haven't done anything. I'm fine, Velanna." Seranni insisted, constantly looking over her shoulder as though she would be caught and punished for speaking to them. "It's not me he wants…" her taint clouded eyes drifted over to Elissa as she started digging through the pouch on her belt. "I have to get you out before something bad happens. I don't want anyone else to get hurt."

"Release me and I'll take you home." Velanna insisted, watching as her sister pressed a key into the lock and held it there. "The others are capable of finding their own way out. Their usefulness ended when I found you."

"I cannot go with you, Velanna." Seranni replied, shaking her head as she worked at the lock. "And the darkspawn will sense my presence here soon, so you must hurry. Find a way out of the mines and run! Do not come back." The shaken woman popped the lock and shuffled off out of the room just as quickly as she had come.

"Wait!" Velanna cried out, tugging at the door, but it remained still not having released all of its barriers. "I can't just leave you! Seranni, wait!"

"Stop." Elissa said, sinking demanding fingers into her bicep as she began to pull the door ajar. "There are several darkspawn just outside that door. They will need to be dealt with before we can pursue your sister."

"Then let us deal with them." Velanna snipped, reaching for the door again.

"Have you any abilities which do not require a staff to execute?" Elissa asked, yanking her back to a standstill and watching her eyes narrow in response. "That's what I thought. You are no good to me or to her dead. Now stay put and I'll deal with them."

Elissa pulled the cell door open slowly, sensing Nathaniel and Zevran move in behind her.

"You stay too." Elissa said, watching Nathaniel's mouth open in argument. "Trust me. There are only three, and the first will be easily subdued. I will draw the other two in at which point you are all free to offer any assistance you can."

Nathaniel didn't like the plan, but he could feel nothing but calm assurance and the rush of anticipation coursing through Elissa's blood and so he settled himself to accepting it. She walked to the door directly across from their cell and whispered something none of them could quite make out. A few moments later, a Hurlock stepped inside, and she made no move to avoid it as he strode right up to her and leaned in to inspect her face.

"She's going to get killed! She…" Anders started, attempting to shove through the crowd and intervene before Nathaniel's powerful arm stopped him in his tracks.

"They don't want to hurt her, remember?" Nathaniel said, completely freaked out at what he was watching but somehow able to maintain a sense of calm from what he was reading through Elissa.

She reached out her hands to it, like a mother to a child or one lover to another, drawing it close enough so that she could get her hands in just the right spots. A moment later, its body was crumpling to the floor with a snapped neck.

"Incoming!" Elissa yelled, grabbing the longsword off the corpse at her feet and tossing it to Nathaniel who was first out of the cell as she dashed back into the room with another Hurlock and a Genlock hot on her heels.

Nathaniel whistled, drawing the Genlock off in his direction, leaving Elissa to deal with the second Hurlock. He watched as she ran full speed at a solid wall, and held his breath for a moment as the three quick pops of her bare feet echoed through the room. She'd used her forward momentum to run just a bit up the wall and flip herself down behind the completely dumbfounded Hurlock.

When she hit the ground, her leg popped out in a side kick to its spine, slamming the creature forward hard enough against the wall that it dropped its weapon and stood there stunned. She finished it off with a turn of the neck so brutal it nearly spun the creature's head backward. She relieved it of its great axe, and turned toward Nathaniel and the Genlock.

"Back!" Elissa called, and Nathaniel did as she asked without question – darting away from the stout Genlock as she brought the axe down. There was so much force in the blow, she cleaved the thing nearly in two, spattering both their lower bodies with its tainted blood in the process.

When Nathaniel met her eyes again, he didn't know who or what he was seeing there. The things he felt coursing in his blood went beyond adrenaline and a drive for survival. There was bloodlust and exhilaration and _power_… so much power. She had slaughtered them because she could, and she had relished every moment of it. Nathaniel could feel it too… that dark intoxication seeping into his body and turning his mind to the places he fought so hard to keep silent, especially now that he knew what his father had become.

"Can't say darkspawn weaponry isn't sharp." Elissa chuckled, tossing Nathaniel a wink as she pulled loose the axe with a wet pop and threw it to Oghren before leaning down to collect the Genlock's weaponry.

"Scavenge what armor you can from the bodies. Get those with weapons covered up first since they'll be doing most of the fighting." Elissa insisted, distributing the other longsword to Zevran and the two daggers she'd scavenged to Sigrun. "Sorry mages, no staves on these."

"What about you?" Anders asked, noting that she was still unarmed and had taken none of the armor for her own, instead allowing the other rogues and Oghren to distribute it amongst themselves.

"Did it appear to you as though I needed either weapons or protective gear?" Elissa asked, leaning in so close he could feel her breath on his lips and smiling at him before turning to move the group through the rear door.

The mage shivered before falling in behind her, unsure whether he was turned on or frightened out of his mind as he thought on that.

"I believe that is a dead end, my Warden." Zevran noted, having peeked through it earlier while the others were distributing armor. His brow furrowed when she continued forward in spite of his instructions.

"This is The Architect's lab." Elissa explained, padding slowly up the stairs into the great room.

"The Architect?" Nathaniel asked, attempting to stop her though she shook his hand off of her arm easily. "That's even _more_ reason to run the other way, Elissa. We've heard mutterings of that name for months now, but we know nothing except that he seems fixated on you."

"We'll know a great deal more than that now." Elissa said, moving into the expansive rooms as the others filtered in behind her.

Rows and rows of overfilled bookshelves lined the walls, and behind those were tables covered with vials and blood crusted instruments. Elissa made her way to the tables, seeking out and finding a battered journal full of experimental notes and data she could only partially discern. The rest was in a language she did not know.

"Anything of note?" Zevran asked, watching the quick pace of her eyes as she flipped through the pages.

"This is his journal. A lot of it will have to be translated, but there are two things that keep repeating in what I _can_ read." Elissa said, tossing it over to him for inspection before moving further into the room.

"The Grey Lady and blood is key?" Zevran said aloud, his face twisting in concern as he tossed a frantic gaze in her direction. "My Warden, you know I am not one to push you… but I feel we must linger here no longer… I must insist…"

"Insist all you want, Zev. I'm not leaving until I understand why he's been seeking me and what they did to us." Elissa replied, her pace slowing for a moment as her eyes found the altar she'd been strapped to in her hazy memories. "They had me here… I was naked, I think, or maybe in my small clothes… it's distant… cloudy." she said, reaching her hands out and drawing them over the smooth cool marble. "I remember him talking to me, stroking my arms and my legs… like we were… He said it wasn't our time."

"He? You mean The Architect?" Nathaniel asked, seething when he thought of the creature having the gall to touch Elissa anywhere with its horrific clawed fingers.

"Yes. Who else?" Elissa said, shaking off the memory and refocusing just in time to see Anders starting to pull one of the two levers at the rear of the raised platform they were on. "Wait! Don't touch those!"

She darted forward, looking at them a moment before pulling the opposite one from where he stood, and then the one in front of him – repeating the process once more before standing back beside him. In the distance they could hear several metallic pops and the floor of the large lower room beyond the wall cleared of the poison gas that had only recently filled it.

"How did you know to do that?" Anders asked, eying her cautiously as she led them back they way they'd come and through a newly accessible side door into the lower room.

"I didn't… not exactly." Elissa replied, covering her mouth against the stench of rotting corpses as she pressed into the room. The floor was littered with them, most of them wearing insignias that could easily be recognized as belonging to the Grey Wardens. "I think we've found the Orlesians."

"Maker! What were they doing in here?" Anders muttered, attempting to stifle his need to vomit several times before giving up and running over to the side.

"There are spent traps everywhere." Nathaniel noted, gingerly making his way across the room. "I think this was a gauntlet of some sort."

"I could do without seeing another of those." Zevran snorted, thinking back on their adventure at the mountain temple. "Although, if there is another trial that requires our lovely leader to walk naked through a wall of flame, I may be willing to compromise."

"I daresay this trial would require I walk naked through piles of rotting corpses." Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes at him and pressing toward a glint of something she saw underneath a body in the far back corner. "And surely _that_ wouldn't be appealing even to a man of your expansive tastes, Zev."

"The naked talk is wonderful and all, and I will be sure to ask about the full story of the wall of flame later." Anders said, burping and wiping his mouth. "But, can we maybe get _out_ of the large room of rotting bodies and try to escape this underground prison we're trapped in?"

"Anders is right." Nathaniel said, eliciting a surprised brow raise from the mage who was not used to Nathaniel agreeing with him about anything. "We shouldn't linger any longer than we already have. There is nothing salvageable here."

"Aside from this!" Elissa grunted, standing up as she pulled loose her prize – knocking a chunk of the former owners arm off in the process. It was a beautiful vhenadahl bow, and somehow still in perfect condition. "Saw it from across the room. Give your sword to Anders." She said, pushing it into Nathaniel's appreciative hands. "I know it's not your grandfather's, but it will do 'til we find it."

Elissa moved the group out of the lab finally, winding them back through the prison and out into the long dark hall beyond. She moved slowly, crouched barefoot near the side wall with her eyes closed. Her long fingers trailed out, tapping lightly against the stone, like a spider reaching out to sense the vibrations of prey falling into its web.

"There is a large group ahead. I can sense them, but it's distant, likely in the lower portion of this room." Elissa explained, turning back to them as they entered the large chamber and watching the barely concealed looks of either concern or fear being leveled in her direction. "If you have something to say, say it."

She watched Nathaniel's mouth open as though he intended to, but all that came out was a terse yell of pain when Sigrun stomped hard on his foot.

"These children you drag about are concerned because your behavior indicates you may now be more beast than beauty." Velanna muttered, shrugging at the others in response to their glares. "What? She's been acting like one of those _things_ since she woke up in that cell. You've all seen it, I'm just the only one saying it."

"Perhaps I am a beast." Elissa sneered, leaning forward toward Velanna with a smile. "But I'm a beast you need to get out of here. I'm a beast you need to have any hope of reclaiming that tainted sister of yours. So, unless you'd rather have a go on your own…" she said, raising an eyebrow and waiting – but the elf said nothing. "That's what I thought. Zevran, if you could go fire off a couple rounds from that ballista." She continued, not even looking at the man though he followed her instructions without question. "It should take care of most of them down there. What's left will come running through that door so I suggest those of you now armed prepare yourselves."

When the bolts released, they crashed into the large Avaar statue that Zevran had aimed them at and brought the massive structure crashing down into the large pod of darkspawn. Elissa lingered with Velanna at the back of the group as they dealt easily with the two Hurlocks who had survived the initial attack. After stripping their armor and tossing a salvaged bow over to Velanna in the hopes that she - as most Dalish - had received rudimentary archery training, Elissa moved them down the long winding corridor into the lower portion of the room.

* * *

><p>Everyone, including Elissa, had acquired some bits of armor and weapons enough to provide them at least some protection once they reached the bottom floor. Elissa had taken a sword and shield from the Alpha that had been crushed there, and pressed forward at the head of the group toward a large set of metal doors at the back of the room.<p>

"Four or five drones inside and an Emissary." Elissa noted, barely even having to try to read them anymore and left wondering if they'd simply stopped shielding themselves or if she'd developed some new connection to their specific taint. "You know the routine."

She kicked the doors open after that, drawing the shield up fast enough to divert both swords swung in her direction before pressing in toward the quickly casting Emissary. She brought the shield down in a savage arc, dropping the creature to its knees with the stun and decapitating it with her sword before turning to help finish off the remaining drones.

"Alistair will be jealous." Zevran smirked, falling in beside her as she led them down another lengthy stretch of empty tunnel.

"Alistair has seen me wield a shield many times before." Elissa chuckled, tossing him a wink.

"Ah, The King likes to play Naughty Templars, does he?" Zevran asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and setting almost everyone into laughter, though Velanna and Nathaniel remained silent.

"Sparring, Zev. I meant sparring." Elissa said, shaking her head at him. "Naughty Templar… honestly. Can you imagine Alistair playing naughty _anything_? He'd blush himself unconscious!"

"He wasn't blushing himself unconscious when I found him trying to make a sandwich out of you with Nathaniel…" Anders muttered under his breath, drawing a curious look from Zevran and a quick slap to the back of the head from Elissa as they stopped at the opening to another large chamber.

"Velanna." Elissa said, clearing her throat to end the other conversation and waving the elf forward. "Isn't that your stuff?"

"That… that filthy _ghoul_ has my things! All of them!" Velanna hissed, even angrier when she saw Elissa barely even attempting to hide her joy that the woman's things would be coated in ghoul rot and stink for days.

"Aye, an' that one's wearin' my junk!" Oghren grumbled, tugging loose his axe.

"Shall we reclaim your trinkets then?" Elissa smirked, barreling into the room with the assumption that the ghouls would be no more than the mindless lumbering zombies they had become accustomed.

A few seconds later she was hunkered down under her newly acquired shield, bracing herself against the brutal swings of Oghren's double. A glance toward the others showed they were having an equally difficult time dodging the blasts of stone and lightning that Velanna's double tossed out in a seemingly endless stream.

"Get her down!" Elissa yelled, wincing when a particularly hard swing rattled the shield so hard it vibrated up her arm and into her teeth.

"We _are_ trying!" Nathaniel snipped, popping off another couple of shots from the new bow and finally landing one that forced the lumbering creature to drop Velanna's staff.

"Hey, shem! Don't shred my clothing with that blade!" Velanna snipped as Anders ran his sword through the tainted creature to finish it off.

"I can't shred what's not there…" Anders muttered, drawing the blade back out and leaving Velanna to verify that he had indeed missed all of the limited fabric that made up her robes with his steel.

The group converged on Oghren's double much to Elissa's relief. She'd been unprepared for the strength of its swings and forced to spend much of her time huddled in the dirt beneath the shield just blocking herself from the wickedly sharp axe head.

"Blasted creep nicked meh blade!" Oghren swore, kicking his own armor before thinking it through and then hopping around for a moment when the metal hurt his foot through the soft leather of the borrowed boots he'd been wearing.

"We'll have Wade repair it when we're back at The Keep, else I shall supply you with another weapon of your choosing." Elissa assured him, anxious to keep their pace. "Strip your things off the ghouls and get dressed. The longer we stay here, the further away they are slipping from us."

Elissa paced back and forth, completely ignoring the others as she reached to the boundaries of her senses looking for the unique signature of The Architect. It was there, but just barely, and growing more distant with every passing second. When she finally turned back, Oghren was stark naked and pulling on his last bits of armor.

"Maker… don't you think you should have removed your things from the ghoul _before_ undressing?" Elissa sighed, shaking her head and moving away only to notice most everyone else watching the completely bare back of Velanna as she dressed. "Ugh… honestly. I'm going to scout ahead. You lot feel free to waste time on _ogling_."

Elissa turned on heel and headed into the next large chamber, following the trace of something itching in her sternum. Something that was neither darkspawn nor ghoul.

"You shouldn't be scouting alone." Nathaniel said, the familiar rasp of his voice irritating her more than usual at the moment.

"You shouldn't be watching elves of questionable virtue while they're dressing." Elissa snorted, heading down one of the side passages a little further as the others began filtering into the room behind them. "It would appear neither of us is perfect."

"There were two directions to face in that room, and I had no desire to watch Oghren strapping his stink back on." Nathaniel's voice was laced with irritation, but the thrill that Elissa appeared upset that he would allow himself to enjoy the physical virtues of another woman poorly hidden beneath it. "Would you rather I have sat in the middle of the floor with my eyes closed?" he looked around then, starting to feel an odd sensation of his own and looking to Elissa for verification. "Is that a Warden?"

"Certainly feels like it." Elissa answered, the edge of her mouth curving up in approval though she attempted to remain cross with him.

At the end of the tunnel a man lay crumpled in the dirt. His legs were horribly mangled from mid thigh down and he was bleeding dark and fast into the dirt. She increased her pace to his side, watching Anders settle to the ground beside her and do the best he could to staunch the bleeding as he had no staff with which to heal.

"Warden-Commander?" the man said, grimacing as he tried to focus in on her face. "Y-you should not be here, my lady. You must go, and quickly."

"You know me?" Elissa asked, glossing over his warning and inspecting him carefully. His armor marked him as one of the Orlesian forces which would mean that he couldn't. The only Orlesians she'd ever known were dead or hidden away somewhere in a snowy mountain temple.

"We… we have never met." The man answered, shaking his head and gulping in a deep breath. "But we have all heard tale of the flame maiden who took on the Archdemon and lived… Your legend, my lady… it does not do you justice."

"Then you _are_ Orlesian?" Elissa continued, again ignoring his attempts to connect with her in her push to gather any useful information and move on. This man was beyond their capacity to help him, and they were wasting time.

"Yes, C-Commander. My name is Keenan. I was sent to help rebuild the Ferelden Wardens for you. We were at Vigil's Keep less than a month when the darkspawn arrived." The man explained, grimacing enough to draw pity from Velanna who cast a quick spell for his pain. "I am the only one left… the others… they are dead, or… _worse_."

"Do you know what they are doing here?" Elissa asked, leaning in closer to try and read his eyes - her posture almost menacing as she lingered above him. "The Architect… do you know what these experiments he speaks of entail?"

"No… no I… The Architect is more cunning than any darkspawn we have ever encountered." Keenan explained, flinching a little at what he saw in her eyes but continuing regardless. "He is obsessed with Wardens and seemed singularly focused on you."

"That is nothing I did not already know." Elissa sniffed, dusting herself off and standing. "Your legs are ruined and I have neither the time nor the resources to carry you out of this place. I can leave you here to die of your own volition, or I can make a quick end for you. The choice is yours, but make it quickly. I can tarry here no longer."

Nathaniel tried not to visibly flinch, unsure what the reaction to his interference would be and sensing that whatever was going on with Elissa had her walking on the razor's edge already. The appalled looks that passed subtly through the group made it obvious that everyone had noticed the callous fashion in which she had treated the man once he had given her anything useful he had to offer.

"Y-yes, Commander. I would never ask for you to waste your resources on a dying man. But, I-I have one request of you if I may." Keenan said, turning anxious eyes up to her and waiting for a response before choosing to continue.

"Ask." Elissa replied, folding her arms and inspecting him with cold eyes.

"The darkspawn that did this to me, he… he took my wedding ring. I ask that you reclaim it." Keenan asked, watching anxiously as Elissa stood unmoved by his request. "My wife, Nida, she resides in Amaranthine. Will you take it to her? Will you tell her I died trying to make this world better for her?"

"I will do what I can." Elissa answered cryptically, seeming not to notice as the man's face fell when she accepted the dagger from Sigrun's hand and knelt to do what he'd requested.

He nodded, granting his permission and Elissa swiped his throat open in one smooth stroke, dropping him haphazardly back to the dirt and handing the bloody blade back to Sigrun with little more than a passing glance at the dying man before heading back to the central chamber.

"What the fuck was that?" Anders hissed, ignoring the warning looks and whispers from the others as he strode forward to Elissa's side.

"_That_ was ten minutes I should like to have back." Elissa snipped, continuing with her quick pace through the winding passage.

"You'd like to have _back_? You'd like to…" Anders said, snatching her arm hard and forcing her to face him. "That man was one of us, one of _your_ so called family. He was dying and all he asked for was a little compassion before you removed him from this world. What he got was an interrogation and the impression that he was wasting your time."

"He _was_ wasting my time, as are you." Elissa replied, her tone even but her eyes glittering with a cold fire. "Now, remove your hand from my arm unless you wish to join him."

"Elissa!" Nathaniel said, dashing in between them before Anders could press her temper any further. He could feel his own blood beginning to churn and knew how close to losing it she had already come. "This is Anders you're speaking to! You have no reason to threaten him and he has every right to question your conduct. That man was a Warden and you treated him like dirt. Something is not right with you…"

"We do not have time for this…" Elissa insisted, glaring at Nathaniel through narrowed eyes before turning to leave the room, knowing no one would dare to press her further.

* * *

><p>The press forward was lengthy and fraught with countless darkspawn ambushes and an ever increasing number of both dragonlings and drakes. They'd reclaimed each of the party's belongings, lingering in their current room so that Nathaniel and Sigrun could finish changing.<p>

Elissa stood with her back to them, unconcerned as she remained singularly focused on finding The Architect who was slipping further away with every second she wasted. She was so lost in her own mind, she didn't even notice Zevran lounging against her side.

"Is your flower intact?" Zevran muttered, drawing a curious glare from the corner of her eye at his cryptic smirk.

"My flower?" Elissa snorted, it was unlike Zevran to choose a term so... _polite_. "If you're referring to my maidenhead then no, Alistair claimed that trophy long ago as you are well aware."

"Ah, memories…" Zevran sighed, his eyes far away for a moment before he seemed to refocus. "But no… I was not speaking of your virgin skin, but more of the… how do I say… _whole_ of your femininity?"

"The _whole_ of my…" Elissa sighed, looking cross at another riddle. "Zevran, what exactly are you asking? It's not like you to beat around the bush like this."

"Perhaps beating the bush is a better term…" Zevran mumbled, clearing his throat when she glared at him un-amused. "I'm sorry, mi amour, it is only that I wonder how one can resurface unscathed after having lain with…"

"Having lain with who?" Elissa asked, following his eyes to Nathaniel who was working the buckles on his chest piece. "Nathaniel? I… we…"

"Ah, so… you have not…" Zevran made a gesture with his hands that Elissa swatted quickly down before anyone else saw. "Apologies." He chuckled. "When you left the barracks you both seemed… We assumed… never mind."

The others fell in behind them then, and Elissa fought to keep the heat out of her face as she sensed Nathaniel close behind them, dipping in to whisper into Zevran's ear when her curiosity was more than she could bear.

"_Why did you..?_" Elissa whispered, raising an eyebrow.

"_Curiosity getting the better of you, my Warden?_" Zevran snickered, glancing quickly back toward Nathaniel who was preoccupied with getting the two bows he now carried to lay in a satisfactory way against his back. "_I asked only out of concern for your well being. Your archer, è appeso come uno stallone._"

"Zevran!" Elissa squeaked, unable to stop the quick pulse of sensation down to her pelvis before it leaked off into Nathaniel who drew a sharp breath in behind her. "_Really?_"

"I was raised in a whore house, my darling." Zevran smiled, winking at her as her blush intensified. "If there is one thing I know above all else, it's the anatomy of sex."

She turned wary eyes over her shoulder only to find Nathaniel watching her; his stormy gray eyes a mix of the desire she'd leeched into him and irritation toward Zevran who he assumed to be the cause of it. She cleared her throat, increasing her strides to distance herself from the group as she worked them out of the last bit of mine tunnel and back into what appeared to be old Avaar ruins.

"Have you taken The Assassin to your bed?" Nathaniel asked, lengthening his strides to press through the group and catch her.

"What would give you that idea?" Elissa snorted, willing her heart rate to slow and her libido to fall silent. Her impulse control was dangerously limited at the moment and his proximity combined with the lingering memory of what Zevran had just hinted was nearly enough to see her pinning him to the nearest wall and stripping his leathers off just to see if the elf had been exaggerating.

"I know what it feels like when you are… _stimulated_…" Nathaniel replied, whispering the last word in an attempt to keep her temper from spiking out of embarrassment. "I just got a good jolt of it, and, seeing as he was hanging all over you as usual… well, I am not a stupid man."

"No, stupid is not the word I would choose…" Elissa muttered, clearing her throat as she thought of the way his tongue had shaped the word stimulated, and flushing when his face showed he was not amused. "Don't worry, Nathaniel. Zev and I are no more intimate now than we have ever been. It is simply that he sometimes has a way with words…"

She drew in a long shaky breath and laughed softly to herself as she continued down the hall, watching the look of confusion and then suspicious disbelief take over his face though he made no further comment to reference it.

* * *

><p>After what seemed like hours roaming the scattered mining tunnels and broken pockets of barbarian ruins, Elissa could finally sense that The Architect was not far beyond the large ominous set of doors that marked the end of the hall within which they now stood. She was anxious to get there, and it was obvious to everyone as she suddenly increased her pace to the point it became difficult even for Nathaniel who was naturally fast to keep up with her.<p>

"You will want to see this, my Warden." Zevran called out from just inside a nearby archway.

Nathaniel had watched him fall back and pick the lock, slipping inside to see if there was anything worth scavenging. Elissa started to argue, but seeing the look on his face snapped her mouth shut and doubled back to slip past him into the room.

"This looks like a person's room…" Anders said, inspecting the carefully arranged furniture, including a spacious bed, several bookshelves and a writing desk. "Does this belong to Velanna's sister?"

"My sister has not been here long enough to accumulate so many objects." Velanna snipped, looking at Anders as though he was an utter moron.

"Then who lives here, because it's obvious that someone does?" Sigrun wondered, kicking at a worn toy horse with the toe of her boot.

"The Architect." Nathaniel replied, eyes both haunted and furious as he looked up from the book he'd been perusing at the desk.

"Do I even want to know how you figured that out?" Anders asked, swallowing as he watched The Archer toss the leather bound volume over into The Assassin's waiting hands.

"There are sketches in here, my Warden." Zevran said, watching Elissa raise an eyebrow at him quizzically. "At least a hundred of them… all of you."

"What?" Elissa snipped, striding over and snatching it from his fingers to flip through it on her own. But he was right. Page after page after page filled with her face, or her body, her daily life…

"Is that you and The King..?" Anders started tilting his head to get the angle right, then flinching when she snapped the journal shut and crammed it into her pack before turning to stomp out of the room.

"There were letters as well. Countless letters he's written to you but never sent." Nathaniel continued, matching her angry strides step for step. "He is _obsessed_ with you, Elissa. If some of those sketches are to be believed, he has been for years. We must leave this place immediately!"

"We _are_ leaving! The exit is through those doors!" Elissa yelled, pointing angrily in the direction of the gleaming metal they'd nearly made it within range of.

"The Architect is through those doors!" Nathaniel yelled back, leaning in to glare at her as her eyes went wide for a second before she managed to rope her emotions back under control. "You haven't been searching for an exit, you've been searching for _him_."

"It doesn't matter what I've been doing!" Elissa hissed, leaning in to glare at him through menacing narrowed eyes. "The exit and The Architect are one in the same. _Both_ require us to go through those doors."

"She is right, I'm afraid." Zevran mumbled, looking distinctly displeased to have to support Elissa on this occasion. "Regardless of how much you and I might agree on our wish to keep her from coming within reach of that monster once again, the only way forward is through those doors. I have checked all side passages behind us. There is no other path for us to choose."

Elissa turned then, pushing through the doors and charging into the room awash in her fury over Nathaniel's latest need to challenge her and her obsessive desire to find and seek answers from The Architect. There were four balconies in the room, marking the chamber for what it was… an arena. On the far rear balcony stood The Architect along with Seranni and a tainted dwarven women whom Elissa had never seen.

"I must apologize, dear lady." The Architect began, bowing low and reverent as Elissa approached the base of the platform on which he stood.

"I am certain there are any number of things you should apologize for, but I am not interested in taking your confession at the moment." Elissa replied, seeking out his eyes but finding nothing but a sunken depression of his empty sockets pressed into the flesh-like material of his mask. "I have questions only you can answer, and I would see that information provided to me."

"All that I have is yours, Grey Lady… but as I have already told you, now is not our time." The Architect replied, his smile sending a chill up her spine and a fresh course of fury through Nathaniel's blood. He raised his bow to take a shot. "That would be ill advised, Nathaniel Howe."

"You? How do you..?" Nathaniel hissed, eyes narrowed though he lowered the bow.

"I know many things of which you would be surprised, and many you would not." The Architect answered, his twisted smile growing even further across his face. "But, we are running out of time, and you have one final trial to complete."

"Trial? I don't like the sound of that." Anders muttered, arming himself and watching as everyone else did the same.

A few moments later, two adult dragons came into the room through side chambers, loosed upon them by The Architect or his minions. It didn't much matter, they were fearsome creatures even to Elissa and those of her companions who had seen and bested many in the past.

It was a lengthy battle, all of which was overseen by the watchful, eyeless stare of The Architect – though none could say what it was he was looking for. When the last dragon had fallen, head lopped off with a massive swing from Oghren's axe, Elissa turned her eyes around the room to assess the damage.

Anders had been lit on fire, the bottom of his robes still smoldering though he'd doused the flames with ice shortly after being hit with them. It was only because of Velanna's quick thinking that he hadn't been scarred permanently or lost a great deal of flesh in the process.

Sigrun, Oghren and Zevran had all suffered minor cuts and scrapes, managing to avoid any major damage either through pure luck or rogue skills.

Velanna was completely unscathed, the irony of which was lost on no one.

Nathaniel had taken major damage to his left calf, just below the knee when he failed to recover from one of the dragon's advances with his daggers quickly enough to fend it off, and Elissa had suffered similar damage to her shoulder and right hand when she'd intervened in an attempt to pry it off of him before it took the whole leg.

Anders knelt between them with Velanna, working as best they could with minimal mana reserves to knit the flesh and bone back together properly.

Watching through battle weary eyes, Elissa noted that The Architect seemed to have gotten all that he needed from them and was moving his companions out the cave behind the balcony on which they stood.

"Wait… no…" Elissa panted, struggling to her feet before collapsing once again in exhaustion; forced to watch as The Architect collapsed the tunnel behind him so that they could not pursue him.

"No!" Velanna yelled, rushing forward in frustration and then stomping back over to Elissa. "Why would she go with that monster?"

"I assure you, I haven't got the answer to that question." Elissa replied, pressing a hand to her forehead and trying to muster up the energy to move again. "But we'll find them. I can promise you that."

"How?" Velanna hissed, glaring at her. "We don't even know where they're going!"

"They're darkspawn. They'll head for the Deep Roads." Elissa sighed, lying back against the stone and allowing the chill to ease the fever she could feel burning her up from within. "They always do."

"And you… you _Wardens_. They say you can sense them… track them even below the ground." Velanna said, eyes narrowed upon Elissa as though she was attempting to read her face. "I would join you then. I require this power to track these monsters in the deep. I would have you give it to me."

"Would you then?" Elissa snorted, pulling herself up into a seated position and considering it. Velanna was a bitch and at times a menace… and there _was_ the obvious interest she showed in Nathaniel, one which he did not entirely discourage. However, she was an incredibly powerful mage – and at the moment, Anders was the only one she had. "It is not as easy as that… the process could kill you."

"We should be so lucky…" Sigrun muttered, and Elissa smirked at her before suppressing it so that the elf wouldn't see.

"At the very least, you'll have a bad taste in your mouth for several hours." Anders smirked, turning away from her as he finished. "Though, I doubt that's a process you're entirely unfamiliar with…"

"I am not afraid of death!" Velanna sneered, ignoring the muttering and barely concealed laughter around her. "And you _need_ me. I have seen what your, _shemlen_ mage has to offer. He is a proficient healer to be sure, but his damaging magics are limited at best." She rolled her eyes at Anders complaints, focusing her attention in on Elissa only. "I will pledge myself to your service in exchange for the abilities your order can offer to me. What say you?"

"Very well." Elissa replied, standing up and shaking the Dalish woman's hand. "Let's get out of here. It's a long way to Soldier's Peak."

"Soldier's Peak?" Anders asked, falling into step behind her as she turned them toward the only other door in the room. "Shouldn't we be headed back to The Keep?"

"In light of all that has happened, I find myself needing to consult a resource of mine in person." Elissa replied, clearly annoyed that she was having to justify anything as she was the Commander. "The only way I can do that, is to travel to The Peak - and so, to The Peak we will go." She increased her strides after that, illustrating she was finished with the discussion. "Zev, may I speak with you?"

"Yes, my Warden?" The Assassin asked, darting up to her side and lowering his voice to keep the others from hearing as he already had some idea of what was coming.

"The Architect has collected all of Avernus' potions I had remaining. I need you to scour the forests as we travel and gather any of the components we require to make more." Elissa explained, watching the slight look of worry pass over his eyes. "Speak with Anders to see if he has any, but be discrete. I do not wish to discuss this until it becomes necessary."

"Should we increase our current pace?" Zevran asked, shooting a quick look back over his shoulder and catching Nathaniel's eyes with a subtle tilt of his chin.

"As much as possible." Elissa replied, turning her face forward. "I can feel my blood boiling, Zevran. I don't know how long I can keep it silent. If I..."

"I know what to do, and you have my word that I will do it." Zevran insisted, reaching over to squeeze her hand briefly before dropping his pace to speak with Anders.

Elissa slid the small rust colored vial out of her sleeve, finally uncapping it and tipping a few drops out onto her tongue. The bitter burn tensed her jaw and forced a quick intake of breath from her, but she could feel the effects almost immediately as the chaos in her mind slowed to a dull hum lingering at the edges of her mind. She could only pray that it lasted.


	20. Chapter 20: Darkness Falls

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N: ***WARNING*** NSFW** material contained within. This chapter is full of some dark stuff so I can't really direct you away from it. If you shy away from that sort of subject matter, you'll sadly have to skip the whole thing. It's nothing, in my opinion, that is overtly vulgar - but it is more than just a passing mention of some pretty twisted things that have been brewing and so I felt the need to warn you before you read._

_I am also posting this chapter without beta, and will be uploading edits as soon as they are completed. My sincerest apologies in advance if there is anything horribly awry. I did try to catch everything!_

_Antivan Translations: 1. Butcher's Son, 2. Grizzly Shadow, 3. Lady Death, 4. The things I will do for this woman._

_Muse Music: Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson (cover of Eurythmics song)_

_***Re-posted with minor edits 12/15/2011***  
><em>

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Twenty: Darkness Falls<strong>_

"Your glare suggests that you do not care for my presence, Velanna." Nathaniel noted, tossing a passing glance in the elf's direction as she lumbered along to his right.

Elissa had been livid to find their horses missing when they'd emerged from the wood and was now driving them like cattle to make up for their lacking. It was only Nathaniel's repeated assurances that Nocturne had undoubtedly led the valuable animals back to The Keep when the company had been waylaid for so long that had kept her temper in check for the moment.

He'd fallen back to run rear guard for the group and ensure the Dalish woman's safety as she lost momentum. He could tell she was near complete exhaustion though she would certainly never admit it.

"I am simply wondering how your kind can dare to call yourselves _nobles_." Velanna snorted, her eyes narrowing as she glared holes into Elissa's back. The _Commander_ had found it necessary to point out as frequently and as loudly as possible how the lazy elf was responsible for slowing the pace. "It seems ironic. There is very little nobility in your behavior."

"We like irony." Nathaniel replied, tossing the errant stone he'd been playing with off to the side of the main path. "It also rolls off the tongue far better than oppressors."

"Wonderful." Velanna huffed, folding her arms across her chest. "Yet another _funny_ human. Does she recruit only fools and jesters?"

"Though I may be a fool, I am certainly no jester." Nathaniel chuckled, smirking when he remembered Elissa telling him exactly how funny he wasn't on many an occasion. "Nor would I dare lighten your mood, my lady."

The elf grunted at him and narrowed her eyes even further, finally turning her head away to stare off into the tree line. At the front, he could see Zevran attempting to convince Elissa to make camp for the night. Daylight was quickly fading and more of their party than Velanna had now fallen victim to fatigue and hunger.

"_My_ _lady…_" Velanna grumbled, drawing his eyes back again. "That is such a _human_ thing to call someone. I'm sure your Commander relishes such useless frivolity."

"Elissa?" Nathaniel snorted, rolling his eyes, "She hates it, actually. And she's to be _your_ Commander fairly soon, Velanna. It might do you some good to remember that." He watched her bristling, and immediately tried to soothe the damage he had done. The last thing they needed was another angry female set loose among them. "I think you're a lovely woman, and due some respect. So I call you a lady. It is how I was raised, and how others should be."

"And now you're mocking me." Velanna insisted, her irritated glare becoming more pronounced even in the growing shadows.

"I assure you, I am not." Nathaniel said, raising up his hands in placation. "I've simply observed that the others have not given you much of a chance since you joined us. It was me on the outside not so long ago, and I would not see another go through such an induction into our midst. Not when I can offer a simple kindness to ease the transition."

"Well... stop it!" Velanna insisted, completely flustered and oddly flushed as she increased her pace to leave his side.

He allowed himself a small chuckle as she moved away, enjoying the light flirtation between them, caustic though it was. Up ahead, Elissa had agreed to stop and was moving them off into a clearing to set camp for the night.

* * *

><p>Elissa had not eaten nor taken even a moment's rest since they'd made camp. Even now she paced the boundaries of the clearing like a restless animal, flipping her blades around in her hands as though she was merely twirling children's batons. It was unsettling to everyone, though all feared to speak to her of it.<p>

"Don't you think someone should bring her some food?" Sigrun suggested, looking first to Oghren who swore under his breath and disappeared into his tent forcing her to turn her plea to the rest of the group. "At least go talk to her?"

"You _Wardens_ sort your own problems out." Velanna snorted, gathering up her things and going to the tent Zevran had given her when Elissa offered to share with him. "Until I take your Joining, I owe nothing to that lunatic. And even then I won't owe any of you."

"Nooo way!" Anders said, shaking his hands emphatically as he shoved his empty bowl into the washbasin. "The last time we spoke she threatened to kill me. I'd rather not try again while she's so knife happy."

"I don't think we have that kind of relationship yet…" Sigrun muttered, standing slowly with the unsettling realization that she may have to approach the temperamental woman if no one else had the courage. "Where _is_ that Assassin when you need him?"

"I'll go." Nathaniel offered, handing his bowl over to Anders as he stood.

"_You_ can't have a conversation with her even when she's not a few cards short of having lost the full deck." Anders snorted, rolling his eyes as he snatched the bowl from The Archer's hand. "If you go poking about at her tonight, she's likely to snap and kill us all. I'm not ready to meet the Maker yet, thanks."

"Well, I'm the only one willing to do it and we all agree _someone_ has to, even Oghren who's hiding in his tent like a bloody child!" Nathaniel hissed, eliciting an irritable grunt of agreement from the dwarf. "I _am_ capable of self restraint…"

He stalked off into the tree line after that, willing those words to be true. They certainly _used_ to be. In fact, for most of his life the words most often used to describe the man had been stoic and reserved. But from the moment he'd found Elissa again; all that he had once been unraveled, and then amplified itself ten fold the very second they'd crossed those forbidden boundaries in The Fade. Now, the amount of self control he could manage seemed to depend directly on what Elissa herself was capable of, which, at the moment appeared to be very little.

"It is not yet your watch, Hentes Fia." A voice whispered, and Nathaniel who was usually very good at detecting when he was being watched, turned with no small amount of surprise to watch Zevran emerge from the shadows of the nearby trees.

"My father was no butcher." Nathaniel replied, watching the elf with careful eyes and remembering the less than amicable end of their last conversation.

"Your father was indeed a butcher, _this_ I know from first hand experience. And that is just one among many less desirable terms with which I can choose to label the man. However, such things are an insult to him, not to you." Zevran muttered, his words riddles as always. "To be a butcher's son, is not necessarily to be a butcher. Though you should know, I am well aware that you have _vast_ experience in my field. There are a great many Crows stationed across the Free Marches and all tell the tales of El Sombra Cinzenta."

"If you know of me, then those tales are undeserved." Nathaniel responded, barely flinching with the revelation that The Assassin knew of his past, though he had worked hard to keep it well hidden.

"I did not know for certain, merely suspected, until you so kindly offered your verification." Zevran smirked, folding his arms across his chest. "As to whether the tales of your prowess are justified, I could not speak to such things. Every time I have seen you wield a blade, I have watched as you intentionally pulled or fumbled those strikes to make yourself seem _less_ proficient. And that is curious indeed."

"The things I did during my years in the Free Marches… I did what I had to do to survive, to do the duty I thought I owed to my father, and to return to Elissa the man I believed she deserved." Nathaniel offered in way of explanation. "Those are not years of my life in which I hold any sense of pride. And they are my sins to bear – not more detritus to be laid upon her shoulders."

"I can assure you, my Warden will not fault you for these things." Zevran replied, raising an eyebrow. "If there is one thing Doamna Mortii understands, it is the smaller sins we few must offer up in exchange for the salvation of the world."

"It isn't that I don't think she would understand…" Nathaniel began, his gray eyes shifting off into the darkness of the night wood.

"Ah, it is because you _enjoyed_ it then… the kill. The sweet release that can only be found in that moment when your hands hold the power to put out the spark of light in someone else's eyes." Zevran offered, watching the other man swallow heavily though he still did not meet his eyes. It was all the answer he needed, and nothing he hadn't already begun to decipher on his own. "That is neither a pleasure nor a shame exclusive to assassins, my friend. You should speak to her of these _sins_ of yours. I think you would find yourself surprised at the limits of her... tolerance." He smiled at the non-reaction but continued anyway. "She will find out, regardless. She always does."

"Is that a threat?" Nathaniel asked, eyes narrowed and threatening, as he finally turned to look the elf in the face.

"I will not reveal your secret to her. Not this time. I may no longer be a Crow, but I still value the code of the brotherhood. Assassins, we do not reveal one another, no? Not unless it is needed to claim a mark or to protect a master." Zevran answered, catching Nathaniel's quick nod of gratitude and offering his own in reply. "I, also, do not intend to interfere with your quest to seek her out this night… I assume that is what you've come out here to do."

"Then you have my thanks on both accords." Nathaniel replied, starting to move away in her direction.

"I will offer you some words of warning, if you would hear them…" Zevran called after him, stilling his feet and forcing him to glance back over his shoulder and seek out the man's silhouette among the darkness. "The barrier is thin now. It cannot be rebuilt until we reach The Peak, if it is even possible. Tread lightly lest you fall in and drag us all behind you."

Nathaniel didn't ask questions, simply nodded his head and disappeared into the shadows. He'd kept himself on a short leash for many years. He had learned long ago not to trust himself or his actions otherwise; long before he knew the horrors of which his father was truly capable. But his hold on those tediously placed restraints was slipping as Elissa began to show signs of weakening in her personal battle with the same dark desires. He did not need the elf to tell him these things; he felt it. He'd felt it the moment she opened her eyes on the floor of The Architect's cell. He did not know what it was, this _need_ that had awakened in her, this all consuming hunger that could barely be contained. He only knew that she was fighting it, and she was losing.

Zevran, however, had known this moment was coming for years; though he could never have told you the specifics before hand. The swamp witch had warned him of Elissa's decline as a parting gift the day she vanished from their lives to carry and birth Gods only knew what into the world. He cursed her again, and her equally prophetic _mother_ for leaving him here in this place where he alone knew some part of what was coming. And where he alone could do what was necessary to keep fate on course.

"Le cose che farò per questa donna!" Zevran muttered, heading in the opposite direction from which Nathaniel had just disappeared.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel could hear Elissa's footsteps long before he saw her; that and the quick flick of her knives through the air called out to him and directed his own footfalls like a trail of breadcrumbs she'd left to guide his way home. Most anyone else would have noticed nothing but the wind in the trees and the sounds of the night creatures, but his tracking skills had always been exceptional. If you added to that his tainted blood and the way his soul was now intricately bound to her own – she <em>should<em> have expected he was coming; and yet, she did not.

He was only a few seconds from calling out to her when she spun on him mid stride. It was a movement so subtle and so fast he never saw it coming, not until he found the point of her blade pressed against the soft flesh of his throat once again. He saw it bloom there in her eyes; that spark of desire, that brief moment when she considered pressing the blade home just to watch him die. He also saw her fight it down when the still rational parts of her mind recognized who he was and understood that he hadn't come there to harm her.

"If you have to see me bleed to keep your sanity, then do it." Nathaniel said, holding her eyes and watching the slow predatory tilt of her head as she tried to puzzle the hidden meaning in his words. "I don't want to die, Elissa… but you seem to have a need to inflict pain that you can no longer suppress so, if hurting me will keep you from killing someone else, then I offer myself up to you willingly."

"_You should not say such things to me…_" Elissa whispered, reaching up to grip his jaw hard in her free hand. She leaned in for a moment, her emerald eyes glittering dangerously in the moonlight as she struggled with his offer, finally snapping her hands away to run her fingers through her tousled hair. "You wouldn't if you knew…"

He breathed a silent sigh of relief that his offer had done what he intended and diffused rather than intrigued her. She could just as easily have opened his throat, and Anders would have never made it to him in time to repair the damage - if the mage even cared.

"If I knew what? That something has awakened in you, something that's burning you up from the inside like wildfire?" he answered, unsurprised when her head snapped back to him and sent her stalking back in his direction.

"Have you been poking about in my head again?" she accused, the sharp tip of her wicked blade glinting in the moonlight as she pointed it in his direction.

"No, and I wouldn't need to. I can sense more than enough through your emotions, and we have all seen the changes in your behavior." Nathaniel replied, watching her relax again when she knew what little of her mind remained her own, she still kept well guarded. "They're afraid of you, Elissa. Your own friends. Even Anders wouldn't come to check on you and I can't blame him seeing as you threatened to kill him earlier this afternoon for calling you out on how you'd treated that Warden in the mines."

"What about you?" Elissa asked, eyes latching on to him and forcing a confession. "Are _you_ afraid of me?"

"No." he said, hesitant to say more as he knew she was reading him. He could feel her fingers prickling away in the edges of his mind.

"_Liar_." she laughed; leaning in so close it became a visceral struggle not to kiss her before she turned on heel and paced away again.

"I am not afraid of you." Nathaniel insisted, watching her eyes flick back over to him and narrow. "I am afraid of what is happening to you, and afraid of how little fight you have left. You are stronger than this, Elissa. You are better than this."

"I suggest you pray, Nathaniel. Pray to whatever Gods you hold dear that you are right. Pray that I am stronger, that I am better." Elissa hissed, flickering away into the shadow so he could not follow. "And until we reach Soldier's Peak, stay away from me. All of you. I cannot guarantee your safety otherwise."

She was gone after that, though he tried to track her. There were no footprints, no sounds, and no trace of anything through the conduit that linked their souls. She simply wasn't there.

Nathaniel went back to camp shaken and weary, and haggard by the knowledge that there would be little sleep before his watch.

* * *

><p>Elissa tilted the vial up one last time, thumping the sides with shaking fingers to get the last bitter remnants to fall free on her tongue before slinging the rust colored glass into the side brush. It had lasted as long as it could, but now it was gone and they were still a day's journey from the gates of Soldier's Peak.<p>

She could feel the descent starting already; that uncomfortable prickle crawling deep inside her bones that always came in the beginning. It was as though she could feel something growing inside her; unfolding and expanding, its greedy limbs anxious for far more space than her meager body could provide. It pressed and tugged at her skin, pulling it tighter and tighter until she desired nothing more than to peel it back layer by Maker forsaken layer and let loose this thing within her that needed to breathe.

As it progressed, she became acutely aware of the energy pulsing through every living thing that surrounded her. The slow rhythmic breathing of even the smallest woodland creature whispered to her its location, marking it out in her mind like a line in the darkest charcoal against the birch white parchment of a map. The amplified heart rates of her companions as she pushed them ever forward pounded in her ears in layers like a symphony; one over another over another. The warm rush of blood in their veins was the sweetest sound of all; pushing that fragile spark of life through those soft and oh so vulnerable bodies.

It was then that Elissa began to pray. Not the half mocking prayers she had often offered up to the Maker since she lost her faith many years before; but the reverent prayers of the truly devout, or at least those who wished to be. She prayed for darkspawn or blighted creatures or a massive swarm of bandits; it was unspecific, she did not care. It could be anything, anything at all, so long as it could sate her growing need to open something living up and cover herself in the red soul that beat and surged and flowed inside it. Anything to keep from losing herself to this madness once and for all.

In her tortured mind, she saw The Architect. _Evolve_, he had said… and evolve she was, though into what she did not know.

* * *

><p>The higher into the mountains they moved, the colder it got, and those who were not built for and accustomed to the less hospitable temperatures, like Nathaniel and Elissa who had been raised there, were now forced to layer their clothing and wrap in blankets to shield themselves against the elements. Nathaniel himself eventually conceded to drawing on another layer beneath his chest piece and a second pair of socks. Indeed, the only one who seemed not to suffer in the face of the frigid temperatures was Elissa, who was steadily losing her clothing as others gained more.<p>

Nathaniel watched her send The Assassin dashing ahead a little under a half hour before, and the look in the elf's eyes had told him everything he needed to know. Elissa was losing what little control she had left and he had pressed ahead alone to attempt to bring back whatever it was she kept in those vials in an attempt to sustain her.

The pair had been subtly attempting to gather a specific list of herbs for days, but the meager offerings of their current surroundings had been unable to provide all that they needed even when supplemented with what little they could request from Anders without drawing too much suspicion. Nathaniel was no botanist, but he knew enough from his poisons to identify that at least part of her tonic was a sedative; and a powerful one at that. This knowledge did little to assuage his fears, particularly when he saw Elissa swaying on the path ahead of them as she popped loose her chest plate and tossed it haphazardly into the snow.

"Oghren… Sigrun…" Elissa rasped, leaning forward with one hand braced against her knees while the other scratched at the newly exposed skin of her throat and upper chest as though she wanted to claw it right off. "I need you to run ahead and find Zevran. Tell him what is happening and bring him back here regardless of whether he has completed what I sent him to do."

"But Commander, you're…" Sigrun said, eying her warily as she fell into the snow and cold grass on her knees.

"Go, now! Oghren knows the way." Elissa insisted, showing her eyes to the unusually subdued woman just long enough to press her point. "If you cannot find him, find The Peak and bring him back from there. Do not come back this way without him, no matter what you hear. Am I understood?"

"Aye." Oghren said, tugging a frightened Sigrun in his wake.

"Now… the rest of you…" Elissa continued, stopping when a powerful cramp twisted its way across her abdomen and doubled her over in pain. She cried out, retching up a thick string of black tainted blood into the melting snow before pressing her forehead against the cool damp earth. "The rest of you must either subdue me or run. Run as far and as fast as you can and do not look back. Oghren will know where to look for you when it is safe."

"Subdue you? _Run_?" Anders said, bending over to press a hand to her forehead before she shoved him away. "You're vomiting up tainted blood and practically burning with fever! You don't need to be put out or abandoned, you need a healer! Let me help you!"

"There is no help for me now, Anders. None that you can offer." Elissa hissed, pressing her face into the ground harder as the last threads of her sanity broke free and slipped through her fingers. "Throw the strongest glyphs you have on me, shackle me, knock me out cold or _run_ _away_! But whatever you do, do it fast… I cannot hold it inside for much longer…"

Anders looked to Nathaniel, but there was nothing in his face that didn't echo the confusion and fear he was certain reflected in his own. Even Velanna seemed uncertain, her usual haughty sneer replaced with a subdued look of terror. As they considered their options, they began to hear low laughter drifting up from Elissa's crumpled body. It started soft, and barely audible but quickly gained in volume until it was barking out at them – cold and almost maniacal as it shook its way out from deep inside.

"It's too cold out here for your twisted attempts at humor _shem_!" Velanna spat, reaching down to yank at Elissa's arm before either Anders or Nathaniel could stop her. They watched Elissa's arm draw back as she rose, and then uncoil like a tight spring, bringing her fist forward in a blow so powerful it sent the elf flying several feet away. Velanna landed in a bush, and did not move afterward.

"Oh! Now _that _felt goooooood!" Elissa said, her full mouth curling up in a distinctly satisfied smile as she turned to the two men behind her. "I have wanted to punch that cantankerous half-naked bitch in her mouth since she popped up out of the dirt."

As she turned, she opened her eyes and what they saw there shook them both. Gone were the emotive emeralds of her iris. Gone were the whites as well. Gone was any semblance of humanity, any marker of a soul. In its place there was a void of the deepest crimson, so deep that it could easily be mistaken for black.

"Maker, Elissa! What has that demon done to you?" Anders asked, his face contorting with both sorrow and pity.

"Done to me?" Elissa snorted, continuing to smile as she paced. She spread out her arms and breathed deeply. "Nothing, and everything! He has freed me from those pesky constraints that held me down. I have never felt so good, so limitless, so _alive_… speaking of which…" her smile grew impossibly wider as she turned back to them, "Who shall I play with next, hmm? The archer or the mage?"

"You don't know what you're saying." Anders muttered, unwittingly making her decision as he attempted to reason with a thing that had lost such capacity long ago. "You're sick, Elissa. You need help. Let me help you."

Elissa paced up to and past him, stalking by like a hunter herding prey and relishing the frightened twitch of his eyes followed by a full turn of his body just to keep her in his field of vision. She lurched forward then, holding her face in her hands and convulsing for a few seconds before pulling back up again.

"Anders? I… what's happening to me… what..?" Elissa sobbed, her hands shaking as she drew them down from her now normal eyes. She turned her face up to the mage, several tears breaking free to run loose down her chin as she held her arms out to him.

"No, Anders… don't...!" Nathaniel cried out as the mage rushed forward into Elissa grasp.

"_Shhh_…" Elissa soundlessly mouthed back to him, eyes fading back into darkness as the predatory smile returned.

"Back away from her, Anders!" Nathaniel insisted, voice now hard with alarm. "Anders! Listen to me… that is not Elissa! That thing is not..."

"What are you talking about? I just looked at her, and I…" Anders said, pulling back far enough to find himself nose to nose with the woman, her dark soulless eyes drawing him in like a vortex that would claim so many men of the sea.

"_Men_. How shameful it is to call you the stronger sex when you are so easily done in by a woman's many charms." Elissa chuckled, running a finger lightly down Anders' jaw and relishing the shiver that passed through his body as his eyes fluttered shut from the sensation. "Just a few well shed tears, a trembling pout, the promise of a kiss or the... _acts_ that might follow. That's all it ever takes and you are putty in our hands willing to be molded into whatever we can imagine."

Her fingers found his throat then, and she sank them hard into the flesh there pressing down against his windpipe. She watched his eyes snap back open as he clawed frantically at her hand and arm in his search for release.

"Shhh…" Elissa repeated, tilting her head with a furrow of her brow that would almost have appeared sympathetic had it not been for the empty eyes and the sickening smile that still curved up her lovely mouth.

She was so focused on the delicious fear in the mage's eyes that she did not notice Nathaniel drawing his bow and nocking an arrow. She did not seem to notice him at all until that arrow pierced the flesh of her forearm and snapped her hollow gaze in his direction.

"Oh, my! A _fighter_!" Elissa hissed through clinched teeth, slinging Anders silent body over to the side like it was little more than a child's plaything and reaching down to loose the arrow from her arm. Nathaniel hadn't even slowed her, if anything he'd simply egged her on. "Please, _lover_… don't hold back on my account. Think of it as foreplay." She pulled loose her swords with a grin, watching him scramble to gain position on her as she advanced. "Though, I'd lose the bow. I'll not give you another chance to take a shot at me."

He tossed his bow to the ground, knowing she was not lying, and frantically pulled free the daggers she had given him upon his arrival. _The Thorns of the Gods_ she had called them, and he prayed to those gods the names proved true.

Zevran had been right in his assessment of Nathaniel's melee prowess. Though he preferred and was highly skilled as an archer, he was also deadly with a blade, and in particular with daggers. He did not hold back this time, knowing that whatever she was, Elissa was no longer capable of doing anything of the sort herself. This would be a fight for his life and for hers.

For a while they were balanced, blow for blow. Each twist and turn and strike perfectly answered with the skill of the other. But then the balance shifted, and Nathaniel realized that though he had been offering up his full arsenal, Elissa had been holding back. Whether she had been learning his patterns well enough to read his attacks or simply drawing out her so called foreplay, he couldn't say. Either way now that she had unleashed her full strength upon him, he found himself losing ground quickly. It didn't take her long after that to disarm him and have him pinned down to the dirt with her wicked little dagger at his throat.

"Aw… over so soon? Tsk." she pouted, leaning in toward him and stroking her thumb along his face. "And I was just starting to enjoy myself."

"Then let me up and we shall continue." Nathaniel panted, watching her smile curve up again and resisting the urge to return it.

"Tempting… but, _no_. Besides… I think I like you here pinned down between my thighs…" Elissa whispered, bouncing her hips against him slightly and listening to the groan she pulled out in response. "And you like it too, don't you? I can see it… feel it…" she ground against him again and he couldn't help but respond, his traitorous body overriding the fear and disgust in his mind for reacting to such a twisted seduction. "I had originally thought to bleed you dry for daring to raise your bow to me… but, perhaps I will keep you instead…" she traced the edge of her blade along his face and down his throat. "What say you, Nathaniel? Have you any of your father's darkness trapped inside clawing to get out?"

He flailed against her furiously then, forcing her to pin his arms down to the ground with her hands, and press him down until her face was inches from his own. She laughed, low and sultry; teasing his lips with the soft caresses of her own until he was straining to make claim against them and giving himself over to the sick desires he kept locked away in the deepest corners of his mind.

"_There_ it is…" Elissa encouraged, releasing his hands to bring her blade back down against his skin once more and relishing the feeling of his lips curling into a smile against her own.

He tugged her down then, one hand pulling hard at her hair and crushing her mouth against his own while the fingertips of his other dug deep into the flesh of her hip and pressed her firm against the growing evidence of his desire. He hissed when he felt the sharp tip of her dagger press into the skin of his upper chest, but did not pull away or stop her from continuing. If anything it only increased his need for her, and his desire to see her bleed much the same.

She pulled away from his mouth, bending down to lick and bite along his neck down to where she'd made the first cut. He was moaning and writhing beneath her, unable to summon any of his normal self-control. Unable to do anything to stop her when she pressed the blade even deeper into his flesh.

"Mmm… so lovely…" Elissa sighed, clearly stimulated by the screaming she wrenched out of him before turning back to attempt to soothe his temper. "Shh... Don't worry, my darling. It's barely a nick. Nothing that will kill or damage this body. I just wanted to see how much you could take before we continue…"

She took his mouth back then, pulling the blade free and allowing him to wrap his fingers around the hilt with her as he tugged her back hard against him and stifled another moan against her lips. She thought of cutting him again, but the thought died in her mind as she felt a familiar tension beginning in her musculature.

She snapped her head up then, but it was too late. Anders had already made it to the end of his incantation and she was seizing up, lost to the hold of his paralysis.

"Get up, Howe!" Anders hissed, knowing that the spell would not hold her for long and needing the other man to refocus and work with Velanna to organize a new plan.

Nathaniel came back to himself quickly, fighting down the urge to be sick at the thoughts of what he'd just done and what he _would_ have been willing to do had Anders not intervened.

"I will flay you _alive_, mage." Elissa spat, the void of her eyes narrowed on him. "When this spell fails, and _it will_, I will peel your skin off slowly and I will _wear it_!"

"She will, you know." Anders insisted, barely able to keep his composure. "She'll kill us all. We need a plan."

"We layer the spells for now." Velanna said, holding still while Nathaniel pressed a bandage to the open wound on her temple. "We layer them and hope the dwarves come back with her pet fast enough to put her down for good."

* * *

><p>By the time Zevran made it back to them, both mages were long spent on mana and half lyrium addled from keeping Elissa locked in the constraints of the spell. The elf made eye contact with Nathaniel long enough to read anything he needed to know, then made his way over to a spitting mad Elissa to deliver a quick cut with his blade that rendered her completely unconscious. It was lost on no one that his blade had obviously been coated with that particular toxin for some time.<p>

"Keep straight on the path, do not diverge. There will be men waiting for you at the gates to escort you into The Peak." Zevran said, scooping her up into his arms and disappearing into the tree line.

The three remaining said little as they made their way through the woods. All were shaken by their experience and no one was comfortable enough with their company to address anything they might have been thinking.

The closer they came to Soldier's Peak, the more unusual Nathaniel's behavior became. It took Anders a long time to pick up on it, and even longer to make the necessary connections, but as they drew within site of the gate what was happening suddenly became clear and he froze the archer in place with the last of his mana reserves.

"Have you lost your mind, shem?" Velanna hissed, stumbling over to check on the other man and glaring back in Anders' direction.

"Probably." Anders replied, yelling up to the guardsmen and waving them in their direction. "This man needs to be knocked out and carried inside. At the very least you will want to isolate him until the Commander is seen to, though he may need to be restrained or even sedated for the duration. It's hard to say at this point."

The guards looked at him as though he had lost his mind. To them Nathaniel appeared fine, though irritated which was understandable all things considered.

"Well, don't just stand there!" Anders insisted, shoving one of them. "Hit him over the head, stick him with poison, I don't care what you do just knock him out! Whatever is affecting the Commander is affecting him too, now do as I ask. That spell won't last much longer and I have no more mana to cast it again."

The guards hesitated for a moment longer, but eventually one of them produced a small dagger and dropped Nathaniel with a quick prick from it, motioning several others in for assistance and dragging him into The Peak.


	21. Chapter 21: It's the Decisions That Damn

**_Disclaimer_**_: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

**_A/N:_**_ Lots of chatter here as there is much to be discussed amongst our tortured cast at the moment. I hope the lack of dramatic occurrences is made tolerable by the emotionally wrought nature of most of the dialogue. I did work hard to get what needed to be communicated across without making it too mind numbingly boring. This chapter was an absolute beast and a particularly large emotional drain to get right, so I hope that effort translates through in the final product._

_This will likely be the last update I can manage before the conclusion of the holiday season, so I did make an effort not to leave you hanging... at least not TOO much! :P_

_Antivan Translation: Spicy Morsel_

_Muse Music: __Savior__ by 30 Seconds to Mars_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my Lady Beta_ _**artemiskat, **__who had to talk me down from the proverbial ledge a couple of times on this one. _

_**Bonus**__ thanks upon thanks to a special guest star beta, __**Snarkoleptic**__, who helped me pull my muse out of her depression to finish this off with the quality it deserved!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Chapter Twenty-One: It's the Decisions That Damn Us<em>**

The next week was chaos. By the time Anders made it into The Peak, Elissa had been secreted away to the tower and locked inside. He attempted to gain access several times, but the guards Zevran had posted refused to let him pass; or anyone else for that matter. They insisted it was for his own good, but Anders knew it was also to protect the secret the woman had been carrying around inside her for Maker only knew how long. He took a seat on a nearby bench determined to get some answers from The Assassin whenever he decided to show himself again.

The screaming started drifting down from the tower soon after. Amplified by the cold air of the rampart walkway the caterwauling seemed to reverberate into his soul. Anders had never heard anything like it, and he'd been present in the Circle Tower during Uldred's rebellion. Though it may have been wrenched forth by pain, it was sustained by rage. Dark, seething, ancient rage; so powerful it was a tangible force in the air. It sent the guards staggering back from the door as though struck by unseen hands and turned Anders' blood to ice. There were strings of curses and hateful things spat forth in more languages than any of them could recognize, and there were threats made - horrific, detailed, _twisted_ threats - the very idea of which made The Mage's skin crawl.

Zevran surfaced an hour later when the sound of Elissa's voice had finally fallen silent. The elf's face was unusually stoic as he attempted to mask whatever he'd been witness to behind carefully constructed walls, but Anders could easily see the way it had marked him, regardless of what he might think he was showing to the world.

"A messenger will need sending to The King." Zevran explained, motioning another guard over to take the place of the man to whom he was relaying his instructions. "Make certain he knows to cloak himself for travel and to bring The Wolf _only_ for escort. Make certain he understands the urgency with which he must travel, but say nothing that would betray Doamna Mortii's confidence should our missive be intercepted."

The man nodded, making a hasty exit from the room in search of the fastest courier he could find. Though he said nothing, Anders saw the look of panic and fear in his eyes as he raced past on his way to the lower levels of the fortress. Zevran turned on his heel soon after, forcing Anders into a near jog simply to keep up with him.

"The King is aware of this, this... _whatever_ this is that is happening to her?" Anders whispered, following close at Zevran's side as he was unsure how much of what had happened was considered appropriate for public discussion.

"Alistair is aware of many things." Zevran replied, muttering to himself in Antivan and increasing his pace. He had neither the time, nor the inclination to babysit The Mage and cursed the swamp-witch again for putting him in a position where he had to be the one expected to act as any sort of authority figure.

"Wait, Zevran… _Slow_ _down_!" Anders insisted, finally reaching out to still The Assassin with a tentative hand on his arm. He'd seen the reflexes on the elf, and had no desire to find himself in another near death experience so soon after the last one. "I only want to know what's going on, and I think after very nearly being killed by it I, out of everyone else here, have every right to know."

"I am sorry, but I cannot answer your questions." Zevran sighed, relaxing the tension in his body so that Anders did not continue to perceive him as a possible threat. "If things go well in the tower…" he faltered for a moment, before clearing his throat and correcting his wording. "My Warden, she will explain all things to you herself once she has spoken with The King. Until then, I must ask for your patience and your trust… neither of which will be easy to give. Regardless, it is how things must be."

"Keeping secrets is what got us here. It's what got _her_ here; locked away in a creepy tower being subjected to Maker only knows what based on the sounds coming out of there. I don't see how holding on to whatever it is she's hiding even longer is going to help anyone." Anders insisted, tousling his hair with his fingers when he could see that The Assassin wasn't going to budge. "Fine, I'll wait, and I'll do what I can to encourage the others to do the same. But we're going to need some answers soon; otherwise I can't make any promises on who is going to hang around and wait to see what it is that walks back out here in her body."

"You have my thanks, and my assurances that you will receive the answers you require very soon – or, at the very least, all the knowledge that we can give you." Zevran said, setting them in motion again. "Now, where is my boccone speziato… Sigrun, yes? That is her name?"

"I-I'm not sure. She came in with Oghren and I haven't seen either of them since I got here." Anders replied, finding it hard to keep up with the elf as he moved frantically through the maze like pattern of hallways. "They never made it up to the tower landing, but that's as much as I can tell you."

He started to hear screaming again soon after that sentence left his lips. The much deeper, gravelly though equally profanity laced bellowing was followed by the sound of something heavy crashing and breaking against the massive wooden door at the end of the hall. It rattled the doorknob and made Anders slow his pace and wish he hadn't followed the elf on this particular journey.

"Is that..?" Anders whispered, eyes gone wide when the sound of the familiar, though strained, voice forced him to realize where it was the elf had led them.

"Yes. He has been like this since your spell faded." Zevran replied, popping open the vial he had produced from a compartment on his armor and coating a small throwing knife with the substance inside it. "No one is willing to risk approaching him after he attempted to rip one of the guard's arms out of its socket, so this task has fallen to me. I was hoping to have Sigrun along. He seems to listen to her."

"I can go and find her, or try to." Anders offered, wanting to be as far away from that door as possible when Zevran opened it.

"Go, but come back quickly. I will restrain him once I have knocked him out which should make it safer for whomever it is that enters next. I do not care who takes this task, but someone will need to be here to re-administer the toxin once it has worn off and I must return to the tower." Zevran sighed, taking in a deep breath and then vanishing into shadow just inside the door.

* * *

><p>Eventually Elissa was released from the tower and settled into her personal quarters, though that room remained as heavily guarded as the tower passage had been. Anders heard no more screaming once she'd been settled inside, but no matter how long he waited, she never emerged and so he began to wonder if she was unconscious or dead or... worse.<p>

Velanna stayed hidden for the most part. She had no intention of interacting with anyone she wasn't forced to and as Elissa was essentially gone from them at the moment, she had no reason to stay nearby. Anders secretly hoped she'd just leave and disappear into the Deep Roads in search of her sister, but she always returned at dusk to lock herself away in the room she'd been given.

Oghren spent his time as inebriated as he could possibly get and passed out in whatever span of floor or furniture he managed to reach. He avoided the area Elissa had been confined to like the plague and refused to address what was happening no matter how many times Anders fished for the information.

Sigrun spent all of her time with Nathaniel or in the hallway just outside of his room. He'd been given guards of his own, though his chamber had fallen blissfully silent around the same time that Elissa had been moved. Anders checked in on his condition with Sigrun often, and she gave him what limited information she felt comfortable sharing. Nathaniel didn't always make sense between the sedatives in Zevran's toxin and whatever had leaked into him from Elissa. Even when he did, the things he spoke of with Sigrun weren't the sort of information he would want made public, so she had little to offer The Mage in the way of status updates. It saddened Anders to see how dim her smile was becoming as the days passed them by.

Zevran came and went from Elissa's room frequently and in the company of a withered old mage that Anders assumed to be Avernus. The man literally buzzed with a distinctly unpleasant energy, and one that Anders had seen before back during the Circle uprising that had nearly claimed his life. It was just one more piece in the puzzle, the complete picture of which was quickly revealing itself to be horrifically dark. It became more and more of a struggle to fight down his natural urge to simply say, "sod it all" and run again.

* * *

><p>When The King finally arrived, a second week had nearly come to an end. Alistair strode through the halls in a wild rush, barely recognizable in the nondescript leather armor he'd worn for travel. Swiftrunner lingered close at his side, mumbling with him about one thing or another as they made their way purposefully toward Elissa's quarters. His eyes landed on Anders as he neared the door and he came to a stop in front of the mage, tugging loose his dark gloves and tucking them in his belt.<p>

"The messenger said someone had nearly been killed; was it you?" Alistair asked, both his voice and his face missing all of the boyish humor that usually defined them.

"Yes, Your Majesty… I-I…" Anders replied, standing up from his seat and uncertain whether he should kneel or bow or something similarly reverential. He'd been waiting in the hallway just outside Elissa's door for any news he could gather on her condition, the same as he did every day.

"_Alistair_, it's just Alistair… especially to another Warden." The King sighed, softening a bit as he ran his fingers through his tousled hair. "Was anyone else injured?"

"Well, she punched Velanna…" Anders replied, unable to stop himself from smiling just a little at the memory of the cranky Dalish woman sailing through the air, even though he understood the severity of the situation in which they now found themselves.

"Velanna?" Alistair asked, his face etched with confusion. "I don't think I know that name, and it seems unique enough that I'd have a hard time forgetting it."

"She's a Dalish Keeper we… sort of… _picked_ _up_ in the Wending Wood." Anders explained, shaking his head. "Elissa intended for her to be put through The Joining, but now…"

"Go. Find her." Alistair instructed Swiftrunner, and Anders watched as The Wolf disappeared down the long hall from where they'd appeared. "Anyone else I should know about?"

"She cut Nathaniel up pretty good. Well, I suppose _stabbed_ would be a more appropriate term." Anders replied, watching Alistair's eyes narrow at the mention of The Archer's name.

"She went after _Howe_?" Alistair asked, taking a step forward. "How did this start? Did he instigate it?"

"No. This... _none_ of this was Nathaniel's fault." Anders replied, a bit irritated that that theory had even come into Alistair's mind. He didn't much care for the former nobleman, but he didn't deserve to take the blame for his own torture simply because The King couldn't put aside his jealousy. "He was the last of us she went after, and she only turned on him because he made an effort to save me. He could have run away when he saw…" he stopped, realizing with an irritated sigh the truth of the words he was about to utter. "Nathaniel Howe saved my life, Your Majesty. Think what you want of the man, but that's the truth, plain and simple."

"I'll have to speak with him as well then." Alistair sighed, unconvinced by Anders assertions but conceding the point for the moment. "Could you go to collect him? I don't feel like waiting for Swiftrunner to return. I find myself to be lacking for patience these days."

"I'm afraid you might have to do your best to manage some as I doubt I can retrieve him. I'm not even certain they'd allow Swiftrunner access." Anders replied. He was uncertain how best to proceed, as now he found himself wading into the dangerous waters beneath which Elissa hid the husks that embodied the many deceptions she continued to amass with each passing day. "He's been put in isolation and we've had to either sedate or restrain him for the past several days. No one has been allowed access to his quarters with the exception of Sigrun or Zevran."

"_Restrained_? Why in Thedas is he being restrained?" Alistair asked, brow knitted in confusion. "Did you not just say the man had been injured saving your life?"

"Whatever is happening to Elissa has had an adverse affect on Nathaniel as well." Anders explained, giving just enough information – he hoped – to explain the reasons behind Nathaniel's confinement, without being forced to reveal what had happened between the pair in The Fade. "He went, well, _mad_ essentially. He's been kept like this both for our safety, and his own."

"It's _affecting_ him, it's… that's…" Alistair muttered, pacing in an attempt to calm his surging temper before returning his attention to the anxiety-ridden mage. "There is only _one_ way that I know of, in which Howe could be affected by this, and that would mean that Elissa slept with him. And she assured me, _repeatedly_, she had not. Are you telling me that she lied?"

"Not _exactly_…" Anders replied, cautiously choosing his words as he watched the flame of fury rising in The King's eyes. He was betraying a confidence that was valuable to him, even now after all that had happened between them, but he saw little choice in the matter.

"What does _that_ mean? Either they've lain together or they haven't." Alistair retorted, eyes narrowed suspiciously on the mage. "It's not a complicated question. I'm supposed to be the stupid one and even I know that."

"Maker's hairy balls… I don't want to be the one telling you this…" Anders huffed, pacing away for a moment to gather his thoughts.

"Just spit it out, already!" Alistair insisted, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm exhausted and dirty and at the end of my own bloody rope. I don't have the patience to wait for you to make peace with your conscience."

"You were raised in the Chantry, right? That's the rumor?" Anders asked, waiting a moment for the terse nod The King threw to him before continuing. "Then you should be familiar with the old tales about the Soul Binding rituals among the Chasind? Tell me you know what I'm talking about, for Andraste's sake." He watched the light of understanding overtake that of anger in the other man's eyes.

"You mean the old marriage rites where the betrothed couple would meld their essences together?" Alistair asked, eyes narrowed again. "They always told us that was a myth. It's actually true?"

"The idea at the core of those rites, the assumption that a soul can be permanently merged into another, yes. That is very much true." Anders replied, watching Alistair draw in a slow shaking breath to attempt to manage his renewed fury.

"And they _did_ this? Elissa and… _Howe_… they entered into these rites together?" Alistair asked, eyes carefully watching for Anders' response.

"Not intentionally, no." Anders said, feeling – again – the urge to flee and leave the three of them to sort out their own problems.

"Not intentionally? How does one accidentally merge their soul into someone else's?" Alistair asked, missing the pieces he needed to make sense of this irksome situation and irritated that the mage was taking so long to produce them.

"We got trapped in The Fade while we were investigating a Warden who had gone missing in the Blackmarsh. While we were in there Elissa and Nathaniel… they were intimate…" Anders explained, his words trailing off as The King's face fell and then rebuilt itself in anger.

"So they had _soul sex_? And that, what, merged them into one another somehow?" Alistair asked, the rumblings of a growing fury seething beneath the calm facade of his carefully chosen words.

"In the simplest sense, yes." Anders replied, watching the other man start to pace in frustration. "I… she thought he was a demon, she thought…" Anders was lying. He _knew_ he was lying and he didn't even know why. The words were just spilling out of him of their own volition.

"I know you're trying to protect her… Someone is _always_ trying to protect her, but you can stop. Even if Elissa _did_ think he was a demon, we both know it wouldn't make this any better. _And_ we both know that she was well aware he wasn't a demon but she chose to do it anyway." Alistair replied, taking in and letting out a long breath. "I will address this with her when she is stronger, and we will decide how to proceed from there. At the very least I suspect she and _Howe _and I will have a very long and unpleasant conversation. But, for now, I must ask that you let neither of them know that we have spoken of this."

Anders started to reply; to caution The King against keeping any _more_ secrets than he and Elissa already had between them, but he lost the opportunity when the door opened and Zevran emerged with Avernus. Alistair excused himself then to speak with them and eventually disappeared inside Elissa's room while Zevran escorted the mage back to the tower.

* * *

><p>When Alistair entered the room, Elissa was sleeping. He walked over to the bed and settled down at her side, watching her body rising and falling with the pattern of her breathing. She was deathly pale against the deep blue of her nightgown; her body littered with bruises and pinpricks where Avernus had taken what he needed from her. She seemed so small and so fragile and so far from the firebrand who had stolen his heart years before.<p>

He reached out to brush the curls of her hair away from her forehead slowly, fighting the urge to pull his hand back at the heat that radiated out from her even before his hand made contact with her skin. As soon as he touched her, she stirred, her green eyes fluttering open and immediately focusing in on his face.

"You came." Elissa smiled, rolling over toward him and drawing his attention to the leather and chain that restrained her when her hair fell away from her neck.

"Oh, Elissa… why have they chained you? Let me get these off…" Alistair said, his brow furrowed as he reached forward to try and unclasp the ones at her wrist.

"No. I asked to keep them on…" she insisted, stopping his hands with hers before he could reach her and causing the chains to rattle in the process.

"But why? Avernus says you've been mostly docile for two days now." he asked, allowing himself to be deterred but folding her hands into his own to stop the chains from sounding again.

"_Mostly_ docile. Avernus is still working out the kinks in the new formula. Until I am certain it is…" Elissa sighed, reaching up to hold his face when he could not pull his eyes away from her restraints. "It is for _your_ safety, Alistair. Yours and everyone else's. You weren't here when… You didn't see… Maker, Alistair… I nearly killed Anders. I would have if Nathaniel hadn't…"

"Shh…" Alistair whispered, tugging her into his arms a bit forcefully and ignoring the way she now seemed reluctant to allow herself the comfort of another's touch. "The important thing is you didn't, and now that Avernus is making progress on adjusting the formula it won't happen again."

"We don't know that, Alistair. _I_ don't know that. What if the tonic is no longer enough? What if it's happening too fast now for me to control?" she muttered, muffling her face against the soft leather that covered his arm and fighting down the urge to lose herself to her tears. "We have to at least entertain the possibility that it's beyond our control and that I may need to be locked away or even put down before…"

"What! I will _not_ discuss this!" he said, jumping up from the bed in shock and pulling his eyes away from the tortured exhaustion that reflected in the dull green of her own. "We are not locking you away in some tower chained to a wall and left to rot for all eternity, nor are we putting you down like a rabid mabari! I mean it, Elissa, these are _not_ options… not yet."

"Then you admit that one day they _might_ be." Elissa replied, watching his head slowly turn to her though he said nothing. "Then I concede, for the moment. But the day will come when we will be forced to revisit this subject and I need to know that you will not fight me, Alistair. I need to know that when the time comes you will act in the best interest of Ferelden and ignore the mutterings of your heart."

"How am I supposed to do that, Elissa?" Alistair sighed, his voice broken as he sat again at her side. "How do I just turn that off and _do what has to be done_? Could you if it was me?"

"Yes." she answered, no hesitation in her words or her eyes. "I have always done what was necessary for the greater good, and this would be no different. Allowing you to be lost to darkness would serve neither Ferelden nor myself."

"You can be so cold." he said, the words almost whispered as he looked her over and tried to remember if she had always been this way or if it was yet another side effect of that poison wreaking havoc in her body.

"I'm not being cold, I'm being honest." Elissa insisted, reaching out to thread her fingers into his. "It would kill me to do it, and I would mourn you to my grave, but I would do what needed to be done without hesitation."

"Then you are far stronger than I." Alistair replied, pressing his lips to her hand and then dropping it to his lap. "But let us cross that bridge when we come to it. For now we need to decide how we are going to deal with the fallout from this unfortunate series of events."

"We have to come clean, Alistair. There is no way around it now." she answered, listening to his slow release of breath tell her he'd known this was coming but dreaded it regardless. "And that means _everything_. The concoction, the changes, the Archdemon _and_ what you did with Morrigan. I'm sorry, but we have no other choice."

"I know…" he muttered, threading his fingers into his hair again and looking as though he wanted to be sick."Maker but I'd hoped to never speak of this again, well, until the First Warden finally decides to haul us off to Weisshaupt prison and force it out of us."

"That day may yet come, but for now let's deal with this debacle." Elissa said, offering a wan smile as he turned to settle back against the headboard. "I'll have you gather the others, but first I need to tell you about what we found in the Wending Woods…"

* * *

><p>By the time Elissa had finished recounting her experiences with and concerns about The Architect it was late in the day. She requested that the evening meal be served in her quarters so that the Wardens could eat if they wished while she and Alistair said the things that had hidden far too long in silence.<p>

It took some time to gather them all, but Alistair and Zevran eventually located the scattered members of their company and brought them to Elissa's room where they now sat anxiously near the rear of the chamber. Nathaniel was brought in last, and made no effort to conceal his irritation when he saw Alistair lounging on the bed at Elissa's side.

Once Nathaniel had found his seat, Zevran closed and barred the door moving back to take his place at Elissa's other side while Swiftrunner took up his post at the door. She passed her eyes over the group slowly; no one was eating, or speaking. They all looked afraid to even move for breathing.

"You have every right to fear me." Elissa began, swallowing down her shame and exhaustion and just trying to press through it. "I would probably be much the same were our positions reversed. And so I have taken steps to ensure your safety so that you can feel comfortable while we speak of what has happened and the things that brought us to this place." she continued, sighing, as she saw no reaction from any of them. "Alistair, Swiftrunner and Zevran each hold daggers coated with a toxin that will render me unconscious if necessary and there are also these…" she raised her arms up in the air, shaking the chains that linked her manacles to the back wall along with the one around her neck. "I doubt even I would be able to get through all of that before they managed to subdue me. So drink, eat, relax… at least a little. We have much to discuss and I would not see a Warden deprived of a meal."

They started to eat then, relaxing at least to the extent it took to go through the motions of providing themselves with sustenance. Elissa took the furtive glances from everyone out of the corners of their eyes with as much grace as she could muster, knowing it was no more than what she deserved.

"So what exactly _are_ you?" Velanna said, finally breaking the silence, though the horrified glances from everyone around her made it clear no one thought that to be a good idea. "Don't look at me like that! You're all thinking it!"

"It's alright." Elissa assured the others, even managing to offer up a half believable smile. "It's a fair question, but one that requires a rather long explanation, I'm afraid." She cleared her throat, struggling to find the words to continue. "Essentially, I am nothing more than a Grey Warden – the same as most of you, only… the effect the tainted blood has on me was… amplified."

"Amplified how?" Anders asked, wiping the small amount of soup that dripped out of his mouth off with the back of his hand.

"Alistair and I came here with some of our companions during The Blight, hoping to reclaim the old fortress as a safe haven. At the time we fought against not only the darkspawn horde but also Loghain and Rendon's collected forces." Elissa began, taking in a deep breath. "What we discovered, among many things I won't go into now as we simply haven't the time, was a very old Warden locked away in the tower by the very things he'd summoned in an attempt to protect himself during the original siege on Soldier's Peak."

"A blood mage…" Anders hissed, eyes narrowed, as the reasons for his intense distrust of the old man suddenly fell into place. "I _knew_ he felt off."

"You don't know the half of it…" Alistair muttered, falling silent with a glare from Elissa.

"Avernus has… _dabbled_ in the dark arts over the course of his life. Neither he, nor I will deny this." Elissa explained, her chains jingling as she tugged nervous fingers through the ends of her curls. "But it was these diversions that allowed him to create a concoction that possessed the ability to unlock within a Warden's blood a cornucopia of powers to which we had previously not had access."

"Oh! _That's_ what was wrong with your blood then!" Sigrun quipped, her voice suddenly perky again. "Back in the Blackmarsh when you melted away the ground and The Baroness."

"Yes, that is one of the effects that I have experienced." Elissa replied, sharing a small knowing smile with the dwarf.

"Is there more?" Anders asked, wondering if she was suddenly going to start producing her talents like a series of magic tricks.

"Increased speed, stamina and awareness were the first things I noticed. There is likely much more I have been unable to grasp as of yet. The concoction isn't predictable and Avernus didn't have…" Elissa started, clearing her throat again as she searched for the words to continue. "I am the first person to be exposed to it that has lived for any length of time."

"So this stuff you drank, it could have killed you? It could _still_ kill you?" Nathaniel asked, the hoarse whisper of his words drawing Elissa's eyes to him for the first time since she'd started to speak. "And _you_…" he continued, flipping his angry glare up to Alistair, "you _let_ her do this?"

"No one _lets_ Elissa do anything. If you can't see that, then you don't know her nearly as well as you _think_ you do" Alistair snorted, rolling his eyes and further instigating The Archer's temper before Elissa intervened.

"Alistair. That is not helping." Elissa insisted, calming him with the light press of her hand on his arm. "And Nathaniel, you should know that Alistair tried both to stop me and to take this burden for his own. It was _my_ decision to drink it. No one else is responsible."

"You had to know it was dangerous!" Anders insisted, furious that she would take such a chance. "Anything a blood mage would offer to you is toxic! You had no idea what that was! It could have been anything!"

"I took it on faith that it was a sacrifice worth making if it killed me; and a chance worth taking if it didn't." Elissa explained, chuckling when she thought back on a time when she had still had some modicum of faith left in something. "You have to understand, back then it was us against the world." She continued, reaching over to take Alistair's hand in her own. "We, so far as we knew, were the only living Wardens remaining in all of Ferelden. We had a Blight to thwart and prices on our heads everywhere we turned. I did what I had to do for the sake of all of us, and I would do it again if given the choice." Anders faltered a bit as her words sank in, remembering the stories of just how alone she and The King had been in the face of total chaos. "The changes were slow at first; manageable, and I had Avernus' notes on his previous test subjects." Elissa continued, pausing when Alistair interrupted again.

"_Victims_, Elissa… unwilling prisoners whom he bled and exposed to that poison…" Alistair said, his voice thick with the disdain he clearly felt toward the mage even after all these years locked in the holding pattern of their uneasy agreement. "He forcefully experimented on a great many Wardens. There's no glossing over that with pretty words."

"Fine, Alistair. You're right. Avernus has done some horrible things in his past." Elissa replied, sighing at his unnecessary petulance. "But, since we found him, all of his experimentation has been limited to only willing participants – _one_ in particular."

"You? _You're_ the subject of his experiments?" Anders asked, sharing an uneasy glance with Alistair and listening to the angry grumbling from Nathaniel in the corner. "Is that what caused this?"

"No." Elissa answered.

"You don't know that it wasn't…" Alistair interrupted.

"_No_." Elissa repeated, glaring him into silence. "This is the result of many things. While the concoction started it, it was not Avernus who has caused it to progress to this stage. If anything, he has been the _only_ thing holding it in check for so long."

"Then what?" Anders asked, watching the slow guilty look that passed between Alistair and Elissa – forcing The King to his feet to worry his hair in frustration.

"This is to do with the Archdemon?" Nathaniel noted, drawing all eyes to his face. "How you managed to kill it and survive?"

"Alistair, you have to tell this story. It's not mine… I cannot…" Elissa replied, waiting for Alistair to resign himself to it. "I don't know what happened…"

"Alright, _alright_!" Alistair huffed, sitting back down on the side of the bed. "Elissa and I were only newly joined when we lost all the Wardens at Ostagar. Dun…" he choked on the name, unable to speak it even now. "Our Warden-Commander hadn't had time to explain anything to us about what was required of us to stop The Blight." He sighed, long and slow, reaching for Elissa's hand in search of comfort. "We didn't know that to kill the Archdemon, one of us had to die. We didn't know that until the night before we left to march on Denerim."

"It was a… _shock_ to say the least. Riordan offered to take the blow as he was the eldest of us and close to his own Calling already." Elissa continued when his voice faltered at the recollection. "But, we knew there was a very real possibility that he could fail, and if he did, one of us would have to finish it. Alistair was going to be king, so we decided it would be me."

"_We_ decided nothing." Alistair interrupted, his temper flaring a bit when he thought on how Elissa had plotted against him on that night. "_You_ took it upon yourself and then orchestrated a plot with Zevran to incapacitate me should I decide to interfere."

"Which you did." Elissa added, listening to his answering snort.

"What did you expect me to do?" Alistair asked, standing to pace again as they entered the throes of a very old argument.

"Oh, I don't know, Alistair. Maybe let me fulfill my purpose as a Warden?" Elissa asked, folding her arms in frustration.

"Your decision had little to do with fulfilling your purpose as a Warden and a lot more to do with the death wish you developed shortly after killing Howe's bastard of a father!" Alistair retorted, tossing an angry arm out to point in Nathaniel's direction. "You'd had a nice tumble with Riordan to say goodbye to your long lost love and were ready to end it all of a sudden."

"This isn't about, Riordan…" Elissa hissed. "Or Nathaniel."

"Isn't it!" Alistair retorted.

"While I'll happily agree this is a _lovely_ lesson in why one shouldn't shit where they eat," Velanna snipped, her voice loud enough to drown out their argument and thick with frustration, "can we please progress to the points that are relevant to why this possessed shem bitch tried to kill us?"

"She's not possessed!" Alistair snapped, rounding on the elf before Elissa managed to get a grip on his arm.

"Alistair…" Elissa warned, releasing her grip when he settled back to lean against the wall at her side.

"You're a lot of things, Elissa, but possessed isn't one of them." Alistair repeated, folding his arms and pulling one of his feet up to press back against the stone.

"Let's get back to the point, otherwise we'll be here all night arguing semantics and I haven't the fortitude for that." Elissa said, encouraging him to continue.

"We traveled with an apostate during The Blight…" Alistair sighed, covering his face in his hands as he remembered the woman in question sauntering into his room with her _proposition_.

"Morrigan? I heard she was Flemeth's daughter…" Anders replied, watching that name register in the minds of the others.

"She was that, among many things." Elissa answered, "The most important of them being our friend."

"Pfft. She wasn't _my_ friend." Alistair continued, shaking his head. "She was a manipulative, horrible, evil cun…"

"_Stop_ right there." Elissa interrupted, unable to listen to yet another round of just how much Alistair continued to hate the swamp witch.

"Fine. _Morrigan_ came to my room that last night in Redcliffe. She knew that Elissa planned to sacrifice herself to kill the Archdemon – and, though there are a great many negative things I can say about the bitch, she did honestly care for Elissa. That much I do not question." Alistair said, pushing out a long breath. "She had an offer for me, a way to save Elissa from the death we both knew she was going to throw herself head long into."

"_More_ blood magic?" Anders asked, feathers ruffling again.

"I don't think so, no. Morrigan was just as put off by the idea of those magics as you are." Elissa explained, watching him settle back down again. "She disapproved of Avernus and any other demon trucking mage we encountered."

"I agree. There was no blood involved… just other… _fluids_…" Alistair blushed, covering his face with his hands again and muttering through his fingers. "Elissa… _please_ don't make me say this aloud. You have my permission to reveal my dirty little secret, just don't make me be the one to explain it. I'll die, I swear it. I'll die right here and you'll be responsible."

"Alright." Elissa sighed, reaching over to squeeze his hand with a half smile "Take a few deep breaths and calm down." She watched him settle into a nearby chair and do as she asked, though his face was glowing with color. "Alistair lay with Morrigan, and together they conceived a child that would bear the Warden taint. With this child, Morrigan was able to redirect the soul of the Old God away from my body – where it would have killed me, and into the body of the… _vessel_."

"So you allowed a rogue mage, the daughter of Asha'bellanar no less, to just _wander _off impregnated with some kind of demon seed?" Velanna snorted, her face pulled up into a sneer. "You are even more stupid than I had originally imagined. Both of you."

"I did no such thing. I turned Morrigan down when she came to me with this proposition." Elissa retorted, her patience for the Dalish woman running thin. "When I went to kill the Archdemon, I was unaware that she had gone to Alistair and that he had accepted."

"Would it have stopped you?" Sigrun asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

"Probably not." Elissa answered honestly. "The Archdemon had to die, with or without a child carrying the soul of an Old God."

"I still don't understand how this relates to whatever's going on with you." Anders said, brow knitting in confusion.

"When the Archdemon died, this…_ blast_ of energy came out of it. It traveled up the blade she'd shoved through its skull and into Elissa." Alistair explained, finally getting past his embarrassment enough to speak again.

"That blast leveled buildings!" Nathaniel exclaimed, turning Alistair's narrowed eyes in his direction as he realized the man had been in Denerim all along. "Are you saying that, whatever that was, passed into _you_ as well?"

"I don't remember. I was unconscious by then, and for quite some time afterward. I can't tell you what happened. I can only tell you that according to Avernus, it sped up the process that his concoction had begun." Elissa said, fiddling with her fingers beneath the weight of his heavy stare. "The taint progressed faster in my blood. Something that normally would have taken years now condensing into months. It wasn't too long after that I experienced my first loss of control, though it was nothing like this one." She sighed, raising her eyes back up to the room and watching the uncomfortable staring begin again. "Now, whatever it is The Architect did has sped things up again. The taint is advancing faster, it's taking weeks now…"

"But why? If it's not unlocking new abilities, why advance it?" Anders asked, not understanding what was being explained. "Isn't it just killing you faster?"

"It _is_ unlocking new abilities, it's just happening so fast that I can't understand or explore them – at least not on a conscious level. Sometimes they just manifest, like when I caught that arrow in the basement." Elissa explained, holding Nathaniel's eyes for a moment. "As far as progressing the taint, yes… it's killing me. I can feel that, but, it's also making me stronger." She breathed in again, trying to sort through the distorted memory she had of what she'd become in the woods. "Essentially, what I have been able to piece together of my memories about what happened on the way here, combined with what Avernus has discovered, seems to point to the idea that a Warden with fully unlocked blood would be – by definition – nothing more than a weapon. A perfect killing machine."

"I can certainly vouch for that." Anders replied, a chill running up his spine when he thought on how she had been when completely lost to its influence.

"And what, if anything, can be _done_ to keep you in check?" Velanna asked, eyes narrowing on her face. "I have no intention of traveling with someone who could go completely mental and kill me at any moment."

"You were traveling with someone who could go completely mental and kill you at any moment _before_, you just didn't know it. But, in answer to your question, Avernus has kept the progression in check for many years with his tonics, and has altered the formula further to combat this newest advance." Elissa replied, watching the woman sit back down. "We will be spending a few more days here at The Peak while he irons a few more bugs out of it. Hopefully during that time we can come to a place where if you cannot trust me, you can at least trust that Zevran, and anyone else who wishes to speak with him for proper training, is capable of neutralizing me should I become a threat again. Anyone who cannot, will be reassigned to the outpost of their choice. I… I do not wish to lose any of you, but I will not force you to stay in a place where you fear for your lives and cannot trust in your commander to see to your safety."

Elissa sat quietly, waiting for someone to say something, but no words seemed forthcoming, and so she dismissed them for the evening.

"Velanna, could you stay for a moment." Elissa requested, watching the woman pause suspiciously. "Don't worry. Alistair is staying so you won't be left alone with a murderous lunatic." The elf acquiesced, strolling over to the bed. "Anders and Nathaniel, if you could wait outside with Zev please. I'll need to speak to you afterward."

Velanna paced over to the chair that Alistair had vacated, sitting down slowly and never once taking her eyes off where Elissa sat in the bed.

"Do you still wish to submit yourself for The Joining?" Elissa asked, waiting patiently for the woman to think over her answer. "I will not think less of you if you decide against it, after all you have seen. And you will be provided with all the supplies you would need to return to the clan of your choosing along with an escort for your safety should you choose to leave us." The elf watched her still, clearly mulling over the honesty of her offer. "However, should you still wish to become a Warden, Alistair will put you through the Joining tonight so that you can recover before we return to The Vigil. It will give you the opportunity to ask many questions of Avernus, should you decide to avail yourself of him." The woman flinched a bit at that. "Don't worry. Your visits would be supervised for your comfort."

"Very well. I will submit to your Joining." Velanna said, clearing her throat as she stood.

"Avernus has already made the necessary preparations. Alistair will take you there when we are finished here. I wish you luck, Velanna. You will need it." Elissa said, sharing a short terse nod with the woman before she turned on heel and headed for the door. "Oh, and Velanna?" the woman turned back briefly just inside the open door. "I know you won't believe me, not now at least – and that's fine, but I _am_ sorry. Had I been in control of my faculties, I would never have struck you like that."

"Oh yes you would have!" Velanna snipped, glaring at her.

"Okay… fine… I _would_ have, but not like that. Not with the intention of hurting you." Elissa admitted, holding the woman's eyes so she could see how truly repentant she was. "I am sorry, Velanna. I hope that one day you will believe that."

The elf said nothing, simply disappeared into the hall sending Anders back through the door in her wake.

* * *

><p>The mage paced up, past the chair Velanna sat in and up to the edge of the bed. Elissa watched him but said nothing, waiting for him to become comfortable enough to do or say whatever was needed.<p>

"I don't expect you to forgive me, Anders. Or to ever trust me again." Elissa said finally, fighting to keep the emotion out of her voice so that he didn't get the impression she was using her tears to sway him. The memory of what she had done before attempting to choke the life from his body was still stark in her mind. "I…"

"Can we have a moment?" Anders said, finally breaking his own silence and looking up to Alistair.

"You want me to leave you alone with her?" Alistair asked, surprised that the man would come this close to her even with a chaperone much less allow himself to be sequestered with her after what she'd done to him.

"I think we both know she can take care of herself, if it's her welfare you're concerned for." Anders answered, his face betraying nothing of the emotions that might be running beneath it. "And if it's me you're worried for, you can leave me that dagger if you think there's reason for concern."

Alistair looked to Elissa who nodded her assent, though she too looked surprised at the request.

"I'll be outside if you need me." Alistair said, walking to the door and closing it softly behind him.

Anders stood for a moment longer just staring. It was as though he was trying to read something in her eyes and it made Elissa's skin itch because she wasn't certain he was going to be happy with what he saw. But she tolerated it, knowing she had to if there was any hope for them to repair what she had broken… again.

"Would you really have killed me?" Anders asked, and suddenly Elissa felt as though she'd been led up to the gallows and given a few moments to make her peace with the world before everything she'd known went dark.

"Yes." she said, hating herself for it but knowing it was the truth. And the man deserved the truth.

"Well… I suppose that makes this conversation fairly simple then…" he replied, huffing out a long puff of air and covering his face with his hands.

Elissa felt her heart drop, but willed herself to show nothing. He would walk away and she would lose the closest thing she'd had to a friend since she'd left Sten in Par Vollen. But she would give him no argument, and would offer up no defense. She steeled herself for the rejection she knew was coming, and the inevitable request for transfer sure to follow.

"I am so angry right now I could just… urgh!" Anders said, kicking the chair hard enough to knock it over and causing Elissa to flinch at the sound of it. "Threatened, choked, and then you leave me beholden to that sorry bastard, Howe. Honestly, Elissa… I'm going to have to _thank_ the man. You _know_ that, right?"

Elissa stared at him, mouth agape, completely uncertain what to say or do. She'd threatened his life and very nearly ended it and he was standing here making jokes about having to be grateful to Nathaniel?

Suddenly he was laughing, that quirky smile of his beaming out at her like a beacon, and she couldn't help but respond. So they laughed, laughed so hard it hurt and so long it brought tears to their eyes. They laughed until Anders was forced to flop down on the edge of the bed next to her simply to keep from falling over.

When he reached over to take her hand, she didn't flinch from it – she welcomed it.

"I-I thought… I was certain that you…" Elissa started, crossing her other hand over and covering his with it softly.

"What? That I'd run screaming for the hills?" Anders snorted, tossing his other hand on top of the pile. "Don't think I didn't contemplate the idea… because I did, several times actually." He listened to her sigh beside him and leaned back against the headboard, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "You know, I think you are the only person I have ever met who has a more damaged past than mine? Knowing that, and adding to it what I know now… I couldn't leave you, no matter how badly I might have wanted to. You told me once you needed a friend you could count on, and I believe that. But Elissa, I need to know going forward there are no more secrets. These secrets could have killed you, and _me_ apparently. I can't go through this again. Even a remarkable man like me has his limits."

Elissa chuckled again, her body shaking his as the laughter rolled through her.

"No more secrets." Elissa agreed, squeezing his hand.

"Good. Don't suppose you'll thank Howe for me?" Anders asked, quirking an eyebrow at her as he stood. She shook her head and smiled. "Yeah… didn't think so. I'll send him in."

He strolled over to the door leisurely, stopping when she called out for him when he reached the doorknob.

"Anders, ask Alistair to stay outside, if you would." Elissa said, drawing a sigh in response. "I know, he won't like it, but he'll do it. There are… things… we need to say to one another, and I know Nathaniel won't say them with Alistair present, nor should he have to."

* * *

><p>When the door opened again, it was Nathaniel. He leaned back against the thick dark wood as he closed it, standing there and staring at her but saying nothing. She wanted to ask him to stop, but it was obvious he was angry about what she had done to bring herself to this point, and it she knew it was probably best not to prod at that.<p>

Eventually he walked over and sat silently down on the edge of the bed. He was close enough that she could feel the heat from his body, but far enough away that he wasn't touching her. From where he sat, she could see the evidence that he had been restrained, much the same as she now was.

"You're angry." Elissa said. It was a statement; told, not asked.

"Of course I'm angry Elissa, I'm bloody _furious_. You're so stubborn and thick headed and…" Nathaniel seethed, his body shaking with the strength of his rage. "I'm also beside myself with worry over your condition. And all of it is difficult to reconcile, especially when you're sitting there bruised and battered and chained to the wall like a beast and all I want to do is…"

"Did they hurt you?" Elissa interrupted, her voice soft and tentative. She felt as though she was walking on broken glass knowing what had passed between them and having no idea how to even begin to repair it, if it even could be.

"They did what was necessary at the time. They had no choice, I understand that." Nathaniel replied. His words were logical and measured, so carefully chosen Elissa could easily see he was just as uncertain how to proceed as she was.

"Nathaniel, I… the things I did to you… I _forced_ you into a situation…" she stopped and started, searching for the words but failing to find them.

"I was there, Elissa. I remember. I was _more_ than willing to go where you led me." he continued, watching her brow furrow with concern and embarrassment.

"You had a physical reaction to my very inappropriate… stimulation. One could hardly expect you not to have some sort of bodily response with me writhing about on your lap like a cat in heat…" Elissa said, her voice pained as she remembered her wanton behavior. "A hard-on hardly makes you complicit in the grand scheme of things. I cut into you, Nathaniel… like a butcher carving meat. I-I wanted to hear you scream, I got off on it…" she reached out for him, unable to fight the desire to simply feel the touch of his skin, the motion jingled the chain on her arm and drew Nathaniel's eyes down to it. She dropped her hand back down to the bed. "I'm sorry… I know the last thing you want is for me ever to touch you again."

"That isn't…" Nathaniel said softly, reaching up to tug the lock picks out of his hair and taking her hand within the calloused warmth of his own.

"They're for your safety, you shouldn't…" she started, pulling her hand out of his reach.

"You're completely neutral at the moment. You can trust me when I say if you weren't, I would be the first to know of it." he replied, his open palm willing her arm into his grasp where he quickly popped open one after another of her wrist restraints.

As he leaned up to work on the one at her neck, his shirt dropped open and she was face to face with the notch she'd carved into his chest.

"You should have had Anders heal this." Elissa said, reaching out her fingers to trace along the jagged evidence of her debauchery. "You don't deserve to be left with a scar as a result of my actions."

"The way I see it, it's simply a reminder of the damage we can do to one another if we aren't careful." Nathaniel responded. His voice was rough as he sat back down, his thumbs brushing against the sensitive skin of Elissa's neck and sending a chill down her spine as he removed her collar. "We both have our demons to fight, Elissa. You've said that before. Now we've seen them at work."

"That was my darkness in action, Nathaniel, not yours. You merely reacted to what I fed you through the conduit." she assured him, clearing her throat as he sat down across from her. "Much the same way I'm reacting to what you're feeding me now."

"And what would that be?" he asked, that slight smug smile twitching up the corner of his mouth in a way that was so exclusively Nathaniel.

"Don't get fresh, Nathaniel. I haven't the strength for it, and neither do you." Elissa replied, unable to stop herself from grinning back at him. "We have to find a way to manage this…"

"I don't think it's management we need, it's balance. This connection we have could be incredibly useful if we'd stop fighting against it or using it as a weapon against each other and actually take the time to figure out how to use it in a constructive fashion." Nathaniel insisted, folding his arms over his chest. "Think about what we did with The Baroness, and we didn't even know the first thing about what this bond meant back then. With practice, we could learn to control it, and to block it if that's a concern." He could see her opening to his train of thought and pressed forward. "And who better than me to help protect you from yourself? I felt it this time; I just didn't know what it was. Now that I know what to look for, I can help you back it down before it gets out of control. If you would trust me to do that."

"Why would you even be willing to do this after what I did to you?" she asked, unable to fathom why he would make any effort to repair her after seeing a glimpse at how broken she actually was.

"Aside from being concerned for my commander's general well being?" he said, sighing when her look made it clear she didn't buy one bit of that. "I love you, Elissa. I've made no secret of that, and I won't start now. I know you think this should have changed that, but it didn't. If anything it made me more determined to take the shot you gave me to win you back." She started to speak, but he silenced her. "Don't worry, I remember. I told you I wouldn't overstep the boundaries of our friendship without an invitation and I don't intend to." She relaxed a bit, so he continued. "I am furious at the risks you have taken with your life, but I understand _why_ you take them more than you can probably imagine. I also have a selfish desire to do what I can to see you safe, regardless of the toll that might take on my own sanity."

"Then… I suppose we take some time to figure it all out… though I wouldn't know where to start." Elissa admitted, threading her fingers through her hair.

"We sit down in a room and try some things. It's not like there's a manual to follow." Nathaniel laughed, watching her lips purse at him as her brow rose.

"The last time we _tried_ some things in a room together you decided to get all handsy with yourself and we _know_ how that ended." she snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Explosively." he said, and Elissa was forced to stifle a laugh.

"Stop being funny, Nathaniel Howe." Elissa smirked, folding her arms and attempting to look less jovial.

"We can do it in a public area if you're worried I'll not exercise proper decorum. I simply meant we should try shutting things on and off. Try communicating things like what we did with The Baroness." Nathaniel explained, trying not to smile at her. "We have to figure it out, or it will drive us both crazy… and if we somehow manage to rekindle, at the very least, our friendship in the process, I don't see the harm in that."

He was smiling at her then. That subtle quirk of his lips that was almost not there at all if you didn't know what you were looking for. Elissa realized that at some point during that conversation he'd plucked one of her hands loose and was now trailing the knuckles of it across his lips; sending an electric buzz of sensation straight up her arm.

She opened her mouth to speak; half set on chastising him for it and half thinking of egging on the flirtation, but whatever she'd been contemplating flew out the window with the knock on the door.

"That will be your king." Nathaniel smirked, kissing her hand quickly then releasing it with a squeeze as he stood.

Sure enough, Alistair's blonde head popped inside and he passed an irritated glance from Nathaniel back to Elissa who now sat restraint free on the bed. The Archer was walking toward the door, his gait back to its usual arrogance.

"Your Majesty." Nathaniel said, offering a slight bow followed by a subtle wink that set Alistair's nerves on end.

He watched the look that passed back from Nathaniel to Elissa, and then watched the slow curve of a smile turn up her mouth as The Archer pressed the door shut behind him.

"What was that about?" Alistair asked, careful to keep more than a passing amount of jealousy out of his voice.

"I think we've finally started to make peace with our past." Elissa replied, watching him anxiously – knowing what he was thinking and unsure if she could completely assuage his fears any longer. "It's sad that it took me losing my mind and almost cutting him into ribbons for my own amusement to bring us here, but... here we are."

Alistair sat carefully down on the edge of the bed, picking up one of her wrist restraints and shifting it noisily to the floor.

"Guess it was a bad idea to leave two rogues in a room together and not assume one of them had lock picks." he muttered, a bit frustrated that she'd been so unwilling to allow him to do the same thing on his arrival but had apparently had no issue in allowing Nathaniel to do it.

"I'm fine, Alistair. Really. I feel better than I have in days. Finally talking all this out took so much weight off my mind." she said, reaching over to take his hand and completely missing his intent. "I think we're going to be okay… this little family that I've built. And I… I needed that more than I was willing to admit."

"Then I'm happy it's worked out for you." Alistair said, offering what he hoped was his most convincing smile, though the idea of Howe being any closer to her was the last thing he wanted to think on, particularly with the smug little wink he'd tossed on the way out the door."

"Did Velanna..?" Elissa asked, suddenly remembering what she'd sent him to do.

"She's fine. She's sleeping it off in Morrigan's old room" he snorted, listening to Elissa's answering laugh. "Who knew you were such a magnet for half-nude bitchy apostates?"

"Alistair!" she snipped, swatting his arm lightly before tugging at him. "Can you send the guards away for the night and see to the fire? I'm exhausted."

"Sure, but shouldn't someone be watching you just in case..?" Alistair asked, watching her body tense.

"I assumed that would be you, unless you aren't comfortable…" Elissa replied, realizing that he had every reason not to leave himself vulnerable in a room with her. "I can sleep in the restraints if need be, or you can bring in a cot and sleep with your dagger… I'd just, I'd really like not to be alone if you can stand it."

"Of course I'll stay." He sighed, sinking to the bed beside her. "And none of that stuff is necessary, I just didn't want to assume that you…" He watched her yawn, leaning into his shoulder and looking as though she could go to sleep right there. "Never mind, let me take care of your requests, my lady."

She smiled at him, allowing the soft kiss to her forehead before he stood back up from the bed. By the time he crawled back in between the sheets, she was already out.


	22. Chapter 22: Fear Itself

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Hope everyone had a good holiday! Short chapter for my return, but the follow up should be much faster in coming along now that seasonal traveling is done!_

_Muse Music: Falling Down by The Birthday Massacre_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! And to my double-betas this time **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. Couldn't and wouldn't do it without you all. :) _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Twenty-Two: Fear Itself<strong>_

Over the following handful of days, the Wardens watched as Elissa seemed to settle herself back into the usual mix of inappropriate humor and quick flares of temperament they'd come to expect. The mix was slightly more volatile now, but with the altered effects of Avernus' tonic working to rein in the more violent aspects of her evolution – it soon became evident that, at least for now, the beast was sleeping. Still, she was never allowed to wander the Peak alone.

Every time Anders had seen her Zevran, Swiftrunner, or Alistair had been by her side. The trio seemed to trust only themselves to manage her outburst should she slip again, and though the others were allowed to interact with her as they desired, they were never allowed to do so without being carefully watched by one of her self appointed guardians. It was for this reason that Anders was completely surprised when Elissa came in search of him on her own.

"Got a moment?" Elissa asked, jarring him from his quiet inspection of one of the many ancient tomes he'd discovered in the Peak's extensive library.

"Where are your chaperones?" Anders looked around, half expecting one of them to materialize out of the shadows. The rogues seemed particularly fond of making him jump when they did it.

"They're not here." The reply was just cryptic enough to make him worry.

"You haven't gone mental again have you?" He started to get up from the chair, wondering if he could get off any sort of paralysis spell and make it out the door to find help if necessary.

"You're safe, Anders. I don't even have a weapon." She smiled and settled in to the chair beside him, hands open and visible until he relaxed. "I just wanted to speak with you privately for a moment."

"Finally giving in to your unquenchable thirst for Anders, eh?" He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively as he settled back in his chair, the book he'd been so engrossed in all but forgotten in his lap now that his mind was pondering what could possibly have pushed her to lose her companions and come in search of him specifically.

"No, but I'm thrilled to hear you joke about it again." Elissa laughed, seeming to relax herself as the irreverent nature of their usual banter returned. "I was afraid that I had managed to choke that ability right out of you."

"Elissa… you've got to let that go. Honestly. I have." Anders reached over for her hand, squeezing her fingers slightly though she tensed against the contact.

"I can't just let it go, Anders. I can still feel your throat beneath my fingertips…" Her eyes flickered away from him then, lost somewhere in the tortured corners of her mind until he tugged at her fingers and pulled her back to him.

"Find a way." He smiled, but his words were as unyielding as he could manage. He wanted to save this… _whatever_ it was they had… and instinctively knew that the only way to do that was to get them both to move beyond this obstacle.

She looked at him, reading the sincerity in his eyes and ultimately accepting it even if she could not bring herself to agree with it in words.

"Alright, if you didn't come here to make out and you aren't evil, then why slip the guards?" Anders asked, feeling the need to prompt her back to her original thoughts, as she seemed unlikely to get there herself.

"I needed to discuss some things with you about our next destination and I thought you might be more comfortable doing so without an audience." Elissa admitted, her face shifting back into the comfortable guise of Warden Commander.

"That sounds more than a little ominous…" He tried not to let his nerves show when her face revealed nothing to him of the thoughts churning behind it.

"It isn't meant to be." She shrugged her shoulders, folding her hands into her lap as she leaned in toward him. "I need to make a trip to Kinloch Hold." She watched his body go rigid with the simple mention of that name, but pressed forward anyway. "We haven't spoken in detail about your time there, and I don't expect you to now. I've seen enough with my own eyes and heard enough from others who have been… _held_… within to know you have every reason to fear returning there. That's why I am offering you the choice to stay in the tavern rather than go into the tower itself, and if you are uncomfortable with that you can stay here in the Peak until we return. Velanna will be a passable healer should we need one, though I suspect we will encounter few problems on the way there. Darkspawn activity seems to be confined to Amaranthine at the moment."

Anders swallowed several times, trying to process through everything she'd just said to him. She was right to assume that he had no desire to return even to the shores of the prison that had held him for so long. Even the thought of it made a knot form in the pit of his stomach that pushed him to run again, as far and as fast as he could manage. But the longer he sat there watching her, letting it register that she was content to simply sit and allow him to find his voice again, he realized she was offering him something he'd never had before. The _choice_ to go back on his own terms, or not to go at all. She would not force him, he knew that, and she would think no less of him should he decide not to go. Which meant it all boiled down to fear, _his_ fear.

His mind went back to Elissa's words in the common area just after The Archer had been put through his Joining. She'd intended them mostly for Nathaniel, but they spoke to him then and resounded even louder now that he was facing his own pivotal moment. _You'll either conquer your demons in the end and be stronger for having done it, or you'll lose and they'll destroy you in the process._

Fear. Fear was his demon, and she was offering him not only the chance to conquer it, but her own hand to aid in the process. His decision was made.

"Velanna is hardly a passable healer." He snorted, falling back into the defense mechanism of his humor for the extra comfort it could provide. "Besides, she's still fairly pissed about the whole flying falcon punch episode. She _might_ just let you bleed to death out of spite and – as your proper healer – I can't in good conscience allow that."

She held his eyes for a moment longer, clearly searching to make sure that he hadn't forced himself to do something he needn't have on her account. When she was satisfied with what she saw, he watched the slow bloom of a smile light her face and relaxed into one of his own in response to it.

"Good… that's…" She reached over to squeeze his hand for a moment, lingering long enough to run a thumb across his knuckles before ultimately giving him a pat and finding her feet again. "I'd like to leave as early as possible tomorrow. It's a four-day journey to lake's edge and that's if everything goes according to plan."

"I think I can manage that." He nodded, watching her turn to exit the library before pausing in the doorway. She touched a finger to her lip, a gesture that always meant she was thinking, and finally turned back in a full stride in his direction.

"I shouldn't have to say this… You should simply trust it to be so, but in light of everything that's happened between us with my…" Her words trailed off and he watched her swallow, running her fingers through her hair and pacing to gather her thoughts before turning back to him at last. "Know this. If they _touch_ you I will raze that whole bloody Chantry-built phallus to the ground. I swear it. I will end every last one of them before I let them take you from me."

Her eyes glittered dangerously with a deep-seated anger that had rooted itself into her far before they'd ever even met one another. And yet, he couldn't help but notice that she'd chosen to phrase it as him being taken from _her_ rather than from the Wardens as a whole or even their little party in the more general sense of things.

"I'm left hoping that won't be necessary because I know with absolute certainty you're capable of it." Anders replied, watching her cautiously and not fully knowing how to respond to such a blatant admission of her feelings toward him. "I'd also hate to see you thrown into Fort Drakon over one silly mage."

"You _aren't_ just one silly mage, Anders. Not to me." Elissa answered, chewing nervously at her bottom lip with the even more direct admission she'd now offered him. "I just thought you should know."

She stood a few moments longer, toying with the curls of her hair and looking distinctly harried before offering him a curt nod and vanishing back to wherever she'd come from.

"I'm not certain, but I _think_ my Commander just offered to slaughter an entire battalion of Templars on my behalf…" Anders muttered to no one in particular.

He sighed, mind running rampant as he pondered the various connotations of her words. She'd called the Wardens her family many times, and certainly seemed protective of them all – even Velanna, who she didn't particularly care for. Perhaps that was all this was, just an extension of her protective nature when it came to her companions. He'd be content to take it at that. No one had considered him family _or_ worth protecting since his… _abilities_… manifested years ago. But the part of him that had been present and whispering away in the back of his mind the entire time she'd been speaking _knew_ there was more to this.

No one had ever offered to kill so much as a fly on his behalf, and this woman had come right out and admitted she'd end whomever it took to make him feel safe again. She'd already killed three Templars for him, and even though he knew for a fact she'd had no kind inclinations toward Rylock, he doubted she would have killed the woman had her connection to him not forced her to do so. He was simultaneously overjoyed and terrified at the prospect that someone might care for him in _any_ capacity, particularly someone for whom he had already developed rather puzzling feelings of his own.

Grabbing up the volume he'd been thumbing through, he headed back to his room to begin the process of packing his belongings for an early morning departure.

* * *

><p>When they reached the North Road, Alistair and Swiftrunner took their leave and continued east toward Denerim. The King had been reluctant to part from Elissa's side, but she'd insisted that he go back to his duties as she had more than enough on her plate now that her own personal problems had tacked themselves onto her already overflowing list of responsibilities.<p>

Elissa was oddly silent as she scouted far ahead of the pack, darting in and out of the tree-lined shadows at the edge of the road. She hadn't spoken much since Alistair's departure, and the group seemed content to allow it.

Zevran had taken rear guard, setting it up as a polite offer though it was obvious to the entire group that it gave him the best vantage point from which to keep an eye on Elissa. She'd been calm, but it would take some time before any of them would fully relax in her presence, The Assassin included.

Anders trailed along behind Sigrun and Oghren, chuckling at the dwarves' usual profanity littered exchange and smiling to see that Oghren had finally pulled himself out of his self induced coma now that Elissa was up and about.

As they settled in to camp for the night, Anders noted that Nathaniel settled not at Sigrun's side as had become his usual routine, but rather with Velanna at the very edge of the fire light's reaches.

Elissa was off running her loop of the camp boundaries with Zevran, and Anders found himself thankful for that as the easy exchange between The Archer and The Woods-Witch would have likely rubbed her wrong whether she would admit that or not.

"So, shem. Let me see if I am following all of this correctly." Velanna began, poking at her bowl of stew with a slight grimace. Oghren was not known for his cooking skill and he'd drawn the short straw that evening. "You not only gave up on killing the Grey Warden who murdered your father, you actually chose to become subservient to her?"

"Are you trying to pick a fight, Velanna?" Nathaniel muttered, sitting his own bowl down with a sigh and rubbing at his temples. They'd managed to avoid the topic of Elissa throughout their discussions over the course of the past several days, but walking along in her shadow seemed to be more than the Dalish woman could manage and still keep her mouth shut. "You must know how juvenile it is to bait me like this."

"I wasn't trying to bait you, I just can't fathom how you do it." The woman snorted audibly, putting her bowl down untouched and folding her arms across her chest defensively. "She commands you like you're no better than livestock. How can you not be seething with rage?"

"My relationship with Elissa is… complicated." He took in a long slow breath, trying to find the words to explain something he probably shouldn't even be broaching in present company. "We were friends for many years before…"

"And lovers." Velanna added, her narrowed eyes daring him to deny it.

"Never in the literal sense, no. Though I suppose that matters little in the long run." Nathaniel admitted, watching her accept it as the truth. "We are not together in that way, nor have we been in a very long time."

"But you desire it." The woman was crafty, angling him for the answer she desired regardless of his reluctance to give it.

"Yes." His response was simple. There was no reason to lie. His feelings were quite obvious to anyone who spent time in his company, and the pretty young elf had become a fixture at his side within the past several days.

"Is that why you follow her so willingly even after she has tried, on multiple occasions if rumor is to be believed, to be rid of you?" The question was meant to provoke a reaction, and he saw the slight curve of her lips when she watched her barb hit home.

Nathaniel knew that Velanna was interested. Regardless of her need to refer to him by the insulting terms typical of her race, she sought his company out with enough regularity that it had long since become impossible to maintain any reasonable guise otherwise. What she was fishing for now was some sort of acknowledgement that he might return the sentiment, which left him swimming in shark-infested waters.

"When I came back, I will admit it was entirely because of her." Nathaniel watched as Velanna tried unsuccessfully to mask her disappointment behind her usual disdain. "Now… I guess the simplest explanation is I follow her because she is my Commander and because she has offered me a chance, multiple chances now that I think on it, for redemption, regardless of the horrible things my father did. Regardless of the horrible things _I_ have done. Beyond that, I like to believe that we are friends again, and thus following her is by choice and not in response to her directives."

The elf inspected him closely for a moment, her eyes never leaving his as he followed through the motion of his shift into a more comfortable sitting position now that the idea of dinner had been abandoned.

"If you are honestly as forgiving as you'd have me believe, then perhaps I have misjudged you… a little." The last words were tacked on as an afterthought, drawing low laughter from Nathaniel as he considered the sentiment.

"Just a _little_?" He did little to conceal his smile as he glanced up at her from his spot the ground, one arm draped casually across his knee while he enjoyed the last of his ale.

"Fine… _more_ than a little." Velanna admitted, the roll of her eyes painting exasperation that her subtle smile did not support. "The Dalish paint all sh… _humans_ with the same brush, and though for the most part it is deserved – I will admit that in _this_ case, it was not."

"As long as I'm painted with such a pretty brush, I suppose I will allow it." Nathaniel chuckled, seeing her confusion in the furrow of her brows long before she admitted it.

"I'm sure I don't know what that means." There was another snort as she reached up to brush the tip of her nose, shifting back into her usual arrogance.

"It means your apology is appreciated, my lady." Nathaniel explained, dipping in to catch her eyes and hold them. "Though it was unnecessary."

"Well… Good then." Velanna snipped, continuing to inspect him cautiously, though the light coloring of a blush had crept into her olive skin as soon as he'd called her a lady again.

Nathaniel smiled at her, noting the slow pass of Elissa's eyes over to their conversation as she emerged from the tree line in the distance. Her face betrayed nothing of what she might be thinking, but the quick flare of anger he sensed through the conduit before she managed to control and shut it down told him everything he needed to know.

* * *

><p>Anders staggered to a stop as they crested the hill that gave him his first view of Kinloch Hold since his escape many months before. Elissa had watched his countenance change as they'd progressed through their travels, knowing this journey was far more than physical for the man who now stood looking out across Lake Calenhad with haunted eyes. She had seen that look before. She'd had it herself. It was the look of someone not quite sure they were up to the battle laid out before them. It was the look of someone losing faith in himself as the world went dark.<p>

Anders barely noticed as she passed the coin purse over to Zevran and sent him along with the others off to book their lodging for the night at the lakeside tavern. He didn't register when she silenced any commentary from Nathaniel with a pointed glare, causing The Archer to shut his mouth with a snap as he fell in line behind the rest of their companions.

"Walk with me?" Elissa asked, ignoring the slight flinch he was unable to suppress as she laid her hand against his back in silent support of his struggle.

Her words were soft and posed as a request rather than a command, and so he allowed himself to be corralled down closer to the water's edge with the comfort of her presence at his side to push him forward. She settled into the soft grassy cover of a small hill, plucking a long reed up into her fingers and staring out across the water. He was blissfully aware that she would wait as long as he needed her to leaving him free to process his thoughts before attempting to speak again.

"I've never sat here and just looked at the place without being afraid." Anders admitted, finally taking a seat beside her.

"I can't imagine that you're doing that _now_, Anders." Elissa replied, the light trill of her laughter bringing a smile to his face regardless how heavy he was feeling. "It's okay to be afraid. You have every right to be after what you went through there. I won't think less of you for that, and Maker help anyone else who even looks at you like they're contemplating it."

They sat in silence for a while, shoulder to shoulder, watching as the sun set behind the hulking behemoth of the Circle Tower.

"I need to come clean with you." She was already fretting with her hair when he turned to look over at her, leaving no doubt that he was unlikely to appreciate whatever was coming.

"You aren't taking me back…" He began, trying not to allow the audible tremble in his voice to increase in volume and silencing when her head snapped in his direction.

"No… _No_! I… Absolutely not!" She looked injured that he'd even think such a thing, and caught off guard by the question enough that she was now scrambling for words of reassurance. "I simply meant that… I was not entirely forthcoming with my reasons for coming here. I do intend to seek further clarification on the… _treatment..._ options for what is happening to me on Avernus' behalf. But there are other things that brought me back to Kinloch Hold."

"I know that you developed a friendship with the First Enchanter and the Knight-Commander during the Blight…" Anders started, stopping at the short quick snort of derision from beside him.

"There is a certain amount of respect and gratitude between us, but I would hardly call it a friendship." Elissa's voice had taken on a bitter tone as she tossed the reed to the ground and leaned back onto her hands with a sigh. "And that is not likely to change once they learn what it is I've come here to do."

Anders waited, watching her curiously as she thumbed through her mind in search of the right wording.

"How familiar are you with the occurrences at Redcliffe Castle during the Blight?" Elissa asked, turning her emerald eyes up to his and waiting to see if any connection flared to life within the honey-brown of his own.

"I know that some idiot mage raised the bloody dead there if that's what you're asking." Anders replied, his brow knitting in confusion. For the life of him he couldn't decipher how that could relate to their current position, or how it would relate to him specifically.

"Actually, it's unclear whether the blame for that lies with him or the possessed child… but that's not the point." She sat back up then, dusting off her hands and leaning in his direction. "The mage's name was Jowan. Did you know him?"

"Jowan? Of course!" Anders laughter was short and laced with his disgust. "It's hard not to live in Kinloch and _not_ hear about him, even if you've spent most of your time in solitary. Things only got worse for us after him."

"I was afraid of that…" Elissa pressed her face into her hands then, drawing in a long slow breath before pulling them down and meeting his eyes again. "I am certain that Jowan's missteps did you no favors, and I will not ask you to forgive them. But, there may come a time in the very near future when I will need you to put them aside." She watched the realization of what she was hinting settle in on him, forcing herself to continue regardless. "I believed then, as I believe now, that a great majority of his poor decisions were forced from him under duress in response to the abuses he'd suffered over the course of his life, or orchestrated with the manipulation of Loghain Mac Tir and Rendon Howe."

"All mages suffer horrors _and_ manipulation by those greedy enough to seek a means to their own end." Anders insisted, already falling into his usual tone of disapproval. "It doesn't mean you have to resort to blood magic and necromancy. Those are the choices of weak minded…"

"Not everyone is as strong as you, Anders." His mouth snapped shut at her words and he searched her eyes for any sign that she was pacifying him with a compliment, but he found only sincerity. "Jowan was terrified and alone and Loghain offered him his life in exchange for one small favor. His only failing was choosing to believe that promise. The rest of it is nothing more than any of us are capable of when it comes down to our survival."

"Okay, we will put aside that discussion for now." He acquiesced, knowing that he'd make no progress in changing her mind with regard to that at the moment. "Regardless, you gave the man his life – deserving or not – I don't see how he is your responsibility any longer."

"That's the thing. I _didn't _give him his life. I turned him back over to the Circle. I sent him back here… I sent him to…" her words trailed off and she scratched at her jaw, the muscles flickering beneath her hand with her tension. "At the time, I'd only begun to suspect the things I now _know_ to be true, not that that makes my choice any more forgivable. I only waited as long as I did because I had a friend here in the tower who was keeping watch over him and intervening on the more… heinous abuses… whenever he could manage. He has since been reassigned to Kirkwall, which leaves Jowan in a very precarious position." She turned her eyes back up to him then. "You, better than anyone, know what they are capable of, Anders. Surely you cannot wish that on _anyone_. Not when we can stop it."

"You mean to conscript him?" It came out as a whisper, as though he feared the ears in the tower would hear it and come crashing down on them to end the thought before it had begun.

"I do." It was a promise.

"Do the others know?"

"Not yet. I needed to make sure you were going to be alright with it, or at the very least tolerant of the idea before I tossed it out to the full company." Elissa explained, chewing at her lip as she waited for his reaction. "If this is to work, it will require nothing less than perfect focus. I need _all_ of you on board, and I won't get that without you. Not here in _this_ place."

"You expect they aren't going to allow it?" He was suddenly very aware what she was saying to him, and unsure how to respond to it.

"I need to plan for that eventuality." She admitted, looking back to the tower. "I will leave here tomorrow with Jowan in hand, one way or another. I am hoping we can resolve this in a civil manner, but Alistair is prepared to deal with the consequences should I be unable to bend them to my will. You should be as well."

His mind went any number of places, from the fear that setting another user of tainted magics loose on the world to the brief consideration that her time spent with Avernus' and among the demons of the Fade had somehow left her blind to the manipulative properties of blood magic. In the end, it was the things that she didn't say which swayed him.

"He's in solitary, isn't he?" He asked the question though he already knew the answer. There was nowhere else they'd keep a prisoner of Jowan's notoriety.

"He's been in solitary for nearly a year, Anders." He could hear the shame in her words. He knew how much of the blame she carried on her shoulders, regardless of whether she deserved it. "I didn't give the man his life, I trapped him in it."

"Then you have my support." Anders said, listening to the quick release of breath that signaled Elissa's relief. "But I certainly hope you meant it when you said you'd bust me out if you had to. It very well may come to that if this goes poorly."

"At the end of the day, it's only stone and mortar." Elissa sighed, looking back out to the tower again now cast with an eerie glow in the moonlight. "And those things are easily broken with the right application of force."

"You'll raze it to the ground?" He asked.

"Every last fucking piece of it." Came her reply.

She leaned her head against his shoulder then and closed her eyes. Anders couldn't help but smile.


	23. Chapter 23: Desperately Seeking Jowan

**_Disclaimer_**_: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N: **Another chapter on the shorter side, but I think the need for a break here should be apparent :) _

_Muse Music: The Kill (Bury Me) - by 30 Seconds to Mars_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my ladies beta **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. :)_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Twenty-Three: Desperately Seeking Jowan<strong>_

"When we crossed this lake back during the Blight, Morrigan wouldn't even sit in the boat." Elissa noted, pressing the soft leather covered curve of her shoulder into Anders' arm as she leaned in toward his ear to whisper. He was shaking, she could feel it, and so she grasped for anything she could think of to distract him. "Most intimidating woman I've ever met, and she wouldn't get in the damn boat. Sten wasn't happy about it either."

"Sten was your Qunari?" Anders asked, clearing his throat several times when his voice cracked with anxiety, thankful that Elissa called no attention to it.

"Not _my_ Qunari, no, but he was _a_ Qunari. Though I've since learned he was a kossith. Qunari is more like a religion than a race." His attention was drifting back to the tower, and so she cleared her own throat and refocused. "But I'm sure that you don't want a history lesson from me on the populace of Par Vollen. My point is this… Sten and Morrigan are the two most fearsome and fearless people I have ever known, and yet _both_ of them were afraid to even get in the boat and cross the water. You have already proven yourself braver in that respect."

"You think I'm brave?" He looked at her finally, drawing his focus away from the rapidly approaching tower and over to her green eyes as they peered at him through her lashes.

"I think you're a great many things you seem to have a difficult time believing, but brave is among them." She smiled then, holding her hand open for him and giving it a squeeze when he took it and threaded his fingers into hers.

They'd taken two boats as Kester seemed hesitant to take all seven of them across at once and Elissa did not want to sacrifice the time it would take to break into two trips. Plus, she doubted that Anders was capable of just standing about on either dock and waiting for anything. She rode with Oghren and Anders in the boat Kester manned – needing to focus all of her energy on keeping the nervous mage distracted. Zevran guided the other boat with Sigrun, Velanna and Nathaniel.

"You believe that your ancestors used to be immortal." Nathaniel started up a conversation with the Dalish woman. He needed something to distract him from the smiles and whispers passing back and forth between Elissa and The Mage in the other boat.

"I don't _believe _it. It's true." Velanna snorted, tilting her chin up in arrogance.

"How do you know it's true?" this time it was _him_ instigating an argument, and he knew that, but it was better than attempting to manage his temper when Anders took the hand Elissa offered him.

"Why would the elders lie?" the elf huffed, annoyed at the chosen topic and then _more_ annoyed when the man beside her couldn't even manage to focus on her for the time it took to speak of it.

"Why indeed..?" He was lost in thought, pressing at the edges of the conduit, just enough to try to get a read without alerting Elissa to his efforts.

"So you _don't_ believe the elves were immortal?" Velanna was truly angry now. Nathaniel could hear it in her tone of voice and it snapped him right out of what he was doing.

"When did I say that?" The reply was quick as he turned his head back in her direction, watching the way her eyes followed his movements and knowing it was not his choice of topic that had gotten under her skin.

"You asked me if I believed that my ancestors were once immortal." Her irritation was rising as she folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

"And where in that question was it implied that I believed otherwise?" Nathaniel asked, quirking up an eyebrow and scrambling for the words necessary to diffuse the situation before it spiraled any further out of control.

"Then you_ do_ believe the elves were immortal?" Velanna's brow furrowed as she tried to decipher what exactly it was he was saying.

"I didn't say that either." Nathaniel shook his head with a sigh. He knew that acquiescing to her beliefs would be certain to disarm her, but couldn't bring himself to spout off an outright lie.

"You...are..._exasperating_!" Velanna snipped, covering her face with her hands and muttering in Dalish for several minutes.

Nathaniel turned his attention back toward the tower as they'd now drifted within range of the dock. Elissa was already clambering out of her boat and helping Anders up behind her.

"When you were talking about the pretty brush, the other day…" Velanna was speaking again, and this time he turned to her immediately, having no desire to further incur her wrath should he remain focused on Elissa. "Did you mean... _me_?"

It was an unavoidably direct question, and Nathaniel found himself unable to lie in response to it, though he knew how dangerous it was to press their light flirtation any further. "It can't be the first time someone's said you're pretty."

He'd addressed it, but as indirectly as possible. The flash in her eyes told him she would accept it, if only for the moment.

"And if it is?" she huffed, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her pointed ear as she reached up to take the hand he offered her up to the dock.

"Velanna… you are a beautiful woman. You _know _this." Nathaniel sighed, holding her eyes to press his point and noting that she did not pull her hands away from his even when she stood on the relative safety of the dock. "If you've never been told this before, it is likely because you are too busy berating someone for one thing or another to allow them to appreciate you properly."

The smile she gave in response to that was nothing short of ravenous, and Nathaniel found himself swallowing hard when she put some extra sway in her hips as she moved off ahead of him.

* * *

><p>The templar in charge of entry to the tower had no problem allowing Elissa access. And though they kept a wary eye on her companions, they made no efforts to hinder any of them as they meandered through the library shelves while Elissa awaited her appointment with the men in charge.<p>

Most of them spread out through the library. Sigrun in particular seemed content to immerse herself in several volumes to pass the time. Anders remained close to Elissa's side, eyes resolutely pinned to the floor as he tried to ignore the barely hushed whispers from those he'd left behind.

"Have you found what you were looking for?" He was so close to her shoulder now that it gave them the appearance of impropriety and Elissa couldn't help but chuckle at the thought that to an outsider it must appear that she was merely the latest sucker to fall victim to The Mage's many charms.

"One of them." She replied, turning in toward him so that the subtle motion as she tucked one of the volumes away in her pack was obscured by his body. "The margins of which are filled with crude drawings of templars being eaten by what appears to be a giant cat named Ser Pounce-a-lot. You wouldn't know anything about that would you?"

His laughter came out more breathy than he'd intended, aware as he was of their intimate proximity and the brush of her chest against his when she'd been forced to arch her spine slightly in the process of her thievery.

She slid out from beneath the shadow his body cast, reaching back to take his hand and tug him along behind her – chuckling low and husky in her chest when every single set of eyes, mage and templar alike, remained glued to them as they moved.

Elissa tossed a wink out at one of them, setting both she and her table mate straight to whispers as she settled Anders in close at her back to provide the cover she needed to retrieve the second volume.

"You are exceptionally good at making people see just what you want them to see…" Anders kept his voice a whisper, taking the volume she slid back to him and tucking it into her pack before reaching up to press her to him and feed the illusion. "There isn't a person in here that isn't wondering if we're together, our traveling companions aside, and even some of them are probably questioning it at this point."

"If I can make them believe that you are mine in every possible way, then they are far less likely to make any sort of attempt at reclaiming you." Elissa explained, turning in toward him and placing a palm out on his chest as she stroked a thumb along his cheek. The motion forced him to notice she'd removed Alistair's signet so there would be no reason to doubt her sincerity should anyone think to question it. "It also seems to be keeping you from getting overly anxious at the moment." Her lips curved into a smile as he reached to cover her hand with his own, breath catching in his chest as she leaned her mouth in closer. "Two birds… one stone…"

She was going to kiss him, he braced himself for it – repeating the mantra in his mind that it was only for show, it was a part she needed him to play for his own safety and so she could retrieve the items she required without attracting attention to it. But their lips never connected, and with the wink she tossed him at the brusque sound of a cleared throat from at his back, he knew she'd never intended them to.

"Begging your pardon, Warden-Commander." The templar's glare was poorly managed as his eyes shifted from Elissa, to Anders, then back again. "The Knight-Commander and First Enchanter will see you now."

"Why thank you, Carroll. It is nice to see you've managed to learn some manners over the years." Elissa snorted, tossing the man a smirk as she settled Anders in at her side with a quick tuck of her arm around his waist. "What was it you called me when last we met… I can't quite remember..?" she tapped at her chin thoughtfully for a moment pretending to struggle in her search for it. "Ah! I've got it now… blighted termagant! Lovely, that one."

She made a subtle gesture to Zevran, issuing instructions that he was to send Nathaniel to her and remain in the library with the others until they returned. The Archer looked distinctly displeased as he made his way over to her side, eyes resolutely focused on the casual manner with which she and Anders stood wrapped around one another.

Carroll started to escort them to their destination, muscles in his jaw flicking hard with his irritation when Elissa turned back and dismissed him with a flippant wave of her hand.

"An escort won't be necessary." She gave him her sweetest smile and then turned away, finishing her words without even bothering to look at the man. "I've been here more than enough times to know my way around, and really, if you can't trust the Hero of Ferelden, who _can_ you trust?"

The arrogant trill of her laughter trailed behind her as she moved back down the hall, and Anders turned back long enough to watch Carroll's face go through four shades of red before he stomped off in a fury.

"I think that man's head might just explode…" Anders noted, smiling at Elissa when her laughter turned sincere in response to his jest. "Honestly, I think I saw smoke coming out of his ears."

"I think _my_ head might explode if I'm forced to watch the two of you paw at one another any longer…" Nathaniel snorted, drawing both their attention in his direction. "Is my presence here really necessary?"

"Yes, Nathaniel." Her reply was simple and followed with another saccharine sweet smile as they passed by a room full of circle mages and the templar who guarded them. "You above all my other companions are able to intimidate simply by standing there. You're also exceptionally bright and I am hoping, if it comes down to it, that I can use our link to communicate with you should things go awry."

"If you expect me to be useful in combat, it might have been smart not to have me leave grandfather's bow back at the tavern." Nathaniel grumbled, slightly pacified by her admission but not enough to overlook the way that Anders' hand lingered at the small of her back.

"You and I _both _know you are far better with those daggers that you seem willing to let on. Don't worry… I have no desire to discuss the reasons behind that deception now as they currently work to my advantage." She said, waving him to silence when he bristled at her remark. "And have you not noticed I came without my swords?" Elissa watched something bloom to life behind his eyes and knew he was finally following along. "I need them to believe they see weakness, that we aren't a threat. We must seem the lamb unless we are forced to reveal the wolves we are."

"And your need to fondle Anders?" His glare intensified when The Mage laughed at that, and tugged her a bit closer to his side – mostly because he found himself to be a bit anxious for that explanation.

"I have a reputation for being more than a bit on the… _mad_… side when it comes to protecting those with whom I choose to share my affections. If I can make them believe that Anders and I are together in that way, he becomes untouchable. I've got more than enough blood on my hands to make even the dimmest templar certain that I would gut them without so much as a blink should they threaten anyone I'd taken to my bed." She didn't even flinch as she offered up her explanation.

It all seemed perfectly reasonable in her mind, and certainly the threat of battle put them in the realm of wartime logic, which meant all things were fair game on the path to their ultimate goal. She didn't notice the slight disappointment pass over The Mage's face as they found themselves in front of the door to the First Enchanter's office, and the quick flux of emotion from Nathaniel told her only that he'd managed acceptance not whether he actually believed her.

"Here we go then." Elissa took in a long slow breath, tugging her arm free of Anders and stretching. She winked at him one last time before shoving down any hint of emotion behind the crystalline facade of the Warden-Commander and striding purposely through the doors.

* * *

><p>"Hero! It is so very good to see you again." Irving's smile was genuine as he took Elissa's hand in his own and gave it a light squeeze, sparing only a passing glance over her companions. "I trust you made use of our library while you waited. I know how fond you are of our old dusty tomes."<p>

"I do _adore_ a good book!" Elissa chuckled, sharing a curt nod with the Knight-Commander before settling into the chair across from the First Enchanter's desk. It was lost on no one that Greagoir did not offer to shake her hand, nor did his eyes stray far from the mage at her side. "And it's Elissa, or Warden-Commander if titles better suit you."

Her eyebrow arched up with those words, and she smiled at the Knight-Commander when his shift in focus proved he'd felt that barb strike home. She crossed her legs casually at the ankles, leaning back and reaching over to tug playfully on Anders' fingers until he obliged her by unfolding his hand. She was as brazen as a Pearl madam about it, tugging hard enough to sit him down against her armrest and leaning in languidly at his side. She allowed herself a small smirk of victory when Greagoir was forced to clear his throat at the sight of it.

_Settle down, Nathaniel._ Elissa pressed her thoughts into his mind when the flare of his temper made her fearful that her ruse would be broken. _Play the role of menacing bodyguard for the moment. Yell at me later if need be._ The anger abated as quickly as it'd come, allowing her to take in a quick breath and wish – again – for Sten's presence. No one did menacing bodyguard better than the kossith had, and there were no lingering feelings of adoration to prevent him from doing so in whatever fashion she required.

"As you wish." Irving smiled, settling himself into his own chair and attempting not to find the humor in Elissa's intentional baiting of the Knight-Commander, regardless of how entertaining he might have found it. "What is it that brings you back to the tower then? It can't have been a simple need for research. A courier could have handled that."

"Why First Enchanter, one could almost believe you weren't pleased to have us visit." Her smile was back, lids lowered to give her face the appearance of perfect innocence – though the words she chose belied it immediately. "Surely the air of cooperation we fostered during the Blight extends beyond those most dire of circumstances."

"But of course." The First Enchanter's smile faltered only for a moment as he scrambled to meet the observation with an appropriate ruse of his own. "I only wondered what it was that would bring you to our doors unannounced and accompanied by so many of your companions. It gives the impression that you foresee the possibility of a… battle… in your future."

"Does it?" She asked, tongue in cheek for a moment then a quick pop of her teeth as she pulled loose her hand the mage and leaned forward – ruse all but abandoned. "Old habits die hard, I suppose… In answer to your questions, we were in the area on Warden business and I decided to pop in and see about recruitment options." That had their attention, and Elissa felt the tension return to Anders' body where it pressed into her arm when both the First Enchanter _and_ the Knight-Commander seemed to bristle in response. "Currently, the Wardens of Ferelden have only two mages, only one of whom is a proper healer. With Wynne busy navigating the waters of Circle politics, I had hoped to trouble you for at least one more to add to my roster… for the time being."

"I wasn't aware that the time in between Blights required quite so much… effort… from the Grey Wardens. Shouldn't the death of the Archdemon have provided you a break at the very least?" Irving asked, recovering quickly from his surprise and launching himself immediately back into his exceptionally un-subtle search for information.

"If only that were true." Elissa sighed, elbows on her knees as she leaned forward and laced her fingers together. "I cannot go into detail… Warden business, you understand… but the darkspawn are not retreating as we should like them to – _and_, even were that not the case, the Wardens in Ferelden were decimated during the betrayal and subsequent slaughter at Ostagar. When, exactly, would you have me replenish my forces if not _before_ another Blight would make them necessary?"

"Point taken." Irving cleared his throat, unable to broach any kind of argument in reply and knowing better than to discuss what had happened at Ostagar with the woman in front of him in any fashion. "In that case, I'm certain that Knight-Commander Greagoir can provide you with a list of the Harrowed mages whom we feel would be…"

"That _won't_ be necessary…" Elissa interrupted, waving him to silence with a flick of her hand. "I've come for one mage in particular. I think we all know which one."

"Collecting criminals again, Warden-Commander?" Greagoir's voice finally rumbled forth, breaking the silence he had stood in since they'd entered the room.

"I'm sure I have… _no_… idea what you're talking about." Elissa leaned back in the chair again, reaching over to wrap her long fingers around Anders' arm with a slow positively venomous smile in the Knight-Commander's direction. "Because, if I _did_ I might be forced to find the insinuation insulting and surely we haven't gone that far off course… yet."

"Now, now…" Irving raised his hands in placation. "I am certain that all the Knight-Commander meant was that in light of your most recent… acquisitions…" the man made no effort to conceal the pass of his eyes over to Anders, though he did not stay there for long. "Perhaps there are less… volatile… elements we can release into your charge."

Elissa's laughter was bitter as she wrapped her mind around that choice of wording. "_Release… _Now that's the first honest word that's been said since I got here… and Jowan, I doubt he's much more than a trembling waif by now. He hardly anything but a pawn when I met him, and your idea of punishment isn't likely to have changed his nature." She'd said the name now, and no one could deny what it was she'd come for any longer. "No, _volatile_ isn't a word I would ever use to describe Jowan. Now myself, on the other hand…"

"Is that a _threat_?" Greagoir took a step forward then, reaching for his sword and setting Nathaniel into motion until Elissa raised a hand to stop him.

"Don't be silly." She smiled again, no more sincere than the last. "My threats are _far_ more direct, Knight-Commander. We've known each other long enough now that you must be fully aware of that."

"Warden-Commander…" Irving's voice diffused them long enough to turn Elissa's eyes back in his direction. "You should know that we are only looking out for your _personal_ safety, and that of the general populace, when we discourage you from choosing to recruit apostates over properly trained mages."

"I am quite capable, as you are both aware, of looking out for my own safety – _and_ I do a pretty damn good job of doing that for the general populace as well. So you'll have to forgive me that I find it comical for you to even suggest you're doing this on _my_ behalf." Elissa retorted, temper rising though she did her best to rein it in. "Though, while we're skirting around the issue and making up stories, perhaps you'd care to explain to me exactly how torture, rape and a general disregard for basic human needs are in _any_ way justifiable in the eyes of the Chantry."

"Did your spy feed you that rubbish?" Greagoir snorted, dismissing the very idea of it.

"_Cullen_ is my friend, not my spy, and you'd know that if you'd taken more than a second to speak to the man before shipping him off to Kirkwall when he refused to turn a blind eye to those depravities!" Elissa was dangerously close to losing her temper; forcing Anders to step into a more dominant role and ignore what was obviously a strong connection to the templar in order to rein her back in. He pressed his thumbs into her shoulders, relaxing the tension in her muscles until she shifted back into his touch and diffused. "Greagoir… you are a _good_ man somewhere inside there. I helped you during the Blight largely because I believed that, and I'm asking you now to remember that man who didn't want to sacrifice his friend, the First Enchanter, to the Rite."

Anders was stunned to see the Knight-Commander struggling to find his answer, clearly moved by the sincerity of Elissa's carefully chosen words. His righteous indignation was faltering, and the mage could only imagine Elissa was sensing the same and now pounced on that weakness like an animal following the scent of blood.

"I cannot find it within myself to believe that you would knowingly allow this, and I _am_ a cynical bitch…" Elissa sighed, standing up and walking over to him. "You _know_ me. I cut down Uldred and a great number of blood mages to protect what was right. I will not hesitate to do what must be done should it come down to it. But I will not leave this tower without him, Greagoir. I will conscript him if I have to, but I would _prefer_ to handle this as allies and not as enemies."

"If he so much as…" Greagoir started, trailing off when Elissa's furrowed brow made it obvious those words were unnecessary. "Very well. I will go and retrieve…"

"I'll be coming along." Elissa interrupted. There was no room for an argument, and it was obvious to everyone that she would not bend.

The Knight-Commander nodded, and Elissa fell in at his side, leaving Nathaniel and Anders to trail along behind them with the First Enchanter.

* * *

><p>The descent into the bowels of the Hold was like a descent into the Black City itself for Anders. The only thing that kept him going, the one thing that anchored him to <em>this<em> moment and stopped him from plummeting back into the darkness that had held him for so long, was her hold on his hand. Elissa's skin was warm and smooth and amazingly soft in spite of years of swordplay.

"_Every last fucking piece of it_," she whispered, the simple repetition of those words giving him all the reassurance he needed.

She squeezed his hand as they came out of the last dark length of tunnel and into the small spray of cells where the templars held their prisoners, and it took him a moment to realize that the trembling in his arm was no longer coming solely from his body – but also from her barely managed fury as she finally laid her eyes upon the nightmare that had been his entire world for year upon year.

She pulled loose from him for a moment after the Knight-Commander opened the cell, dropping to her knees on the filthy floor and tugging Jowan's near motionless body into her lap long enough that she could verify he was indeed still alive.

Her eyes were liquid fire when she looked up again, motioning Nathaniel forward with a gesture.

"I wouldn't ask you if I didn't have to…" Her voice was shaking as she passed the man over into Nathaniel's much stronger arms.

"You don't have to now." The fury behind the silver of his own eyes was almost entirely his own, and that surprised her, though it shouldn't have.

When she was free to stand and certain that all of her people were present and accounted for, she stopped in front of the Knight-Commander one last time.

"_This. Ends. Now._" It was a directive, an _order_. There was no room for hedging around it and no way it could be misinterpreted. "So help me, Greagoir, if I get so much as a _hint_ that this… this… utter _depravity_ is allowed to continue I will come back here and put every last templar in the fucking ground."

The Knight-Commander bristled at her attitude and started to speak, but Elissa was having none of it.

"That was not a threat, it was a promise. An absolute certainty. I am _very_ good at what I do. I have been killing for far too long not to be. _Fix this_." Elissa turned on her heels then, sliding her hand back into Anders' as they followed Nathaniel's back up the dark stairs and into the light.


	24. Chapter 24: The Broken Princess

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** More from the side of lovely Lake Calenhad. _

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my ladies beta **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. Special shout out to Snark, the title was a bit of her brilliance I snatched rogue-style for my own! :)  
><em>

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Twenty-Four: The Broken Princess<strong>_

When Elissa surfaced from the bowels of the tower, the quiet anger she exuded gave the impression of that moment of calm one finds at the eye of a hurricane. No one spoke. Not a templar, not a mage, and none of her companions. Those who had waited up above simply fell in line at the sight of the battered body cradled in Nathaniel's arms and the look of no-longer-concealed rage burning behind Elissa's eyes. She stormed through the stone halls like a force of nature, the slamming of heavy doors against the walls as she shoved them open and the clip of her heels against the floor the only sounds cutting into the fury that trailed behind her, daring anyone to stand in her way.

Kester looked harried when he saw them, and Anders worried for a moment that he might just paddle away and leave them there with no other option than to split in half and make two trips back across the lake. Thankfully something in her expression either soothed or terrified him to the extent that he waited for her to help Nathaniel in, dragging Anders in behind her and leaving the others to set off with Zevran in the second craft.

Anders flicked his gaze between the nightmare at his back and the future in front of him, a future embodied by the woman who was now shaking so hard that it rattled the dagger strapped at her thigh into the wooden bow at her side. He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, and she turned for a moment, eyes refocusing themselves from a place far beyond his reach. She smiled, but there was no warmth in it, and so he let go and turned back to watch Kinloch Hold disappear in the gathering fog.

"Don't worry about docking us, Kester. I don't want to strain Nathaniel any more than I already have. Just push up on land and we'll press on from there." Elissa's voice was as even as she could manage, but the tension was there rumbling beneath the surface, making what was meant to be a request sound more like a command.

The man nodded and did as she asked, pushing his oar down into the sandy bottom of the lake's edge and trying not to appear as anxious as he was to get them out of his boat and on their way.

It was starting to rain as they reached the shore, and Elissa popped herself up over the edge of the prow as soon as she could manage, splashing down into the water and turning to tug the craft as far onto dry land as she could. She nodded to Anders who jumped out, and the two of them provided as much stability as possible when Nathaniel stood to step out of the boat with Jowan. The injured mage still wasn't moving; even the cold rain against his bare arms did nothing to rouse the most basic of physical responses, which did nothing to settle Elissa's raging mind.

She led the way to the tavern, catching Zevran's eye for long enough that he knew to follow with the remainder of her companions, before ensuring that nothing would hinder Nathaniel's path up to her room. The tavern keep was wise to say nothing as they passed, turning his eyes quickly down to his books and burying himself in whatever notations had kept his interest before they returned.

"Just lie him down and leave me with him." Elissa commanded, holding the door to her quarters open and watching as Nathaniel settled the broken man gently down atop the extra blankets she had requested before they'd left to see to his retrieval.

Nathaniel held her eyes for long enough to assure himself she was at least passably alright, and then disappeared from the room, tugging the door shut softly behind him.

"Ah, what a pleasant stroll down memory lane this must have been, no?" The Assassin's words reached his ears long before Nathaniel saw him, but that was not surprising.

The Archer did not reply; he simply made his way to his own room to attempt to work through the deafening medley of guilt and anger echoing away inside his head. Jowan's circumstances in that cell had been far too similar to situations he himself had seen – and caused – in his checkered past.

There was a knock at his door before he'd even had time to make himself comfortable, and for a moment he considered not answering it. He was really in no mood for flirting, and a part of him was absolutely certain Velanna was waiting on the other side of time worn panes of wood.

"Don't worry, I haven't come to molest you," quipped a small, pert voice from the other side. "Well… not unless you'd _like_ me to."

Nathaniel smiled in spite of his temper and opened the door, arching an eyebrow at Sigrun as she strode past, shoving a mug of ale into his open hand.

"You looked like you could use a drink and someone to talk to." She noted, perching on the edge of his bed and patting the spot beside her with a wink. "Now, are you going to make this easy or am I going to have to pry it out of you with alcohol and the magic of dwarven massage?"

"Dwarven massage?" Nathaniel nearly spat out the mouthful of ale he'd taken.

"It involves large stones… which now that I think about it sounds far more like torture than coercion…" She watched him flinch at the use of that word, lending truth to what she had already feared without knowing. "And now we're getting to the root of it…"

"Why did I have to make nice with the one dwarf who doesn't spend her time lazing about in a drunken stupor?" he huffed, settling himself against the headboard where he could pass his glance easily between the window and the woman in front of him should he decide eye contact was something he desired.

"You need to talk, Nathaniel. I don't know what about, exactly, but the look on your face when we were leaving the tower and your reaction to my cleverly planted vocabulary tells me it's not good."

When he offered no response, she sighed and sat up straight to make her point. "Shoving this stuff away in some closet and pretending it isn't thrashing around in there trying to get out isn't any better for you than it is for _her_, you know." The slight shift of his eyes told her that no name need be mentioned. "You need to get it out and make your peace with it before she asks for the details. If it's as bad as you're making it out to be, you know she's going to."

"Are you certain you want to be my sounding board for this, Sigrun?" He turned to her finally, knocking back the last of his ale in one long pull and settling the empty mug on the bedside table. "I doubt you'll want to be in the same room with me once we're done."

"Oh, I don't know… you said some pretty awful things back at the Peak and I still looked you in the eye in the morning just fine." The laughter was there, but the look in her eyes gave him every confidence that no matter what he said, she had the strength to take it.

"This isn't like that. I wasn't in my right mind back in that room… But when I committed these sins…" he trailed off, eyes grown distant and haunted. "I'd like to say I was a different man then, but the truth of it is, I was as much myself as I have ever been. Perhaps that's the worst of it all."

He stood up to pace then, unable to manage his nerves against the stillness as the memories of the things he had done crashed down upon him one after another.

"My time in the Free Marches was not all spent squiring for my father's... _business_ contacts. It started that way, but once it became clear that I was… suited for things that required talents of a very specific nature… I was pulled out of that position and set to work as the man's personal assassin. Thinking back on it, even the idea that I would have been asked to act as such should have been a clear sign of my father's character, but all I could think of was keeping him happy and getting back to the life I wanted with Elissa."

"That's it? That's your deep, dark secret? You were an _assassin_!" Sigrun dissolved into a fit of giggles now that the reason for his torment had come fully to light.

"The killing was the least of it. At the flick of a nobleman's wrist I have done to others what those templars did to Jowan and more. And I'll thank you not to make light of it!" Nathaniel turned back to her in a fit of temper; unable to believe she could find anything he'd just said to be amusing.

Sigrun took in a couple of deep breaths, in an attempt to calm her humor and refocus now that he'd decided to come clean with the real truth of it all. "I'm sorry, Nathaniel. I'm not making light of it, I just… I mean you do realize that Zevran is an assassin? One who tried to kill Elissa himself – and she holds none of that against him. I've spent a great deal of time talking to him, and I assure you he's done his time as a torturer. How can you think that she would hold it against you when she's done nothing but forgive the rest of us?"

"Maybe before she wouldn't have had an issue with it, but you weren't down there in that cell… You didn't see her face when she saw what those templars had done to Jowan." He covered his face with his hands for a minute, and then started again. "I don't know that she can forgive this once she knows. I think seeing goes beyond dealing with an abstract."

"I think, until you speak of it, you should stop punishing yourself for things you can no more change than I can alter the stars in the sky." Sigrun was smiling when he looked at her, and she could see that he didn't think himself worthy of her easy forgiveness. "Are we past the soul searching and onto the steamy bits yet?"

He tossed a pillow at her, which she easily dodged from where she now lay back against his bed, face easing back into the usual bit of cheek she gave whenever they were together.

She took the silence as her cue to leave, smiling at the low chuckle she heard as the door closed, hoping that as forced as it had sounded she'd managed to do some amount of good before leaving him to his troubles.

* * *

><p>It was only after the door closed behind her that Elissa could breathe.<p>

She walked over to the armor and weapon stands, nimble fingers going through the motions of removing each piece from her body and securing them in their respective spots. She tugged on the blue tunic she'd left hanging on the back of the vanity chair, tucking it haphazardly into her pants and moving over to retrieve a nearby basin. She'd told the tavern keep she expected to be back by midday, and asked that he heat some water and leave it waiting for her return. Having filled the basin with the warm water she grabbed up a clean cloth and turned back toward the bed. It was then that she caught a glimpse of herself in the vanity mirror.

_Even without the blood stained armor, you still look like a killer_, she thought, sitting the basin down long enough to pull out the pins and lock picks that secured her hair and tug her curls free of the braids that held them. It did little to soften her world-weary features, though by now she doubted anything could.

Knowing she'd done everything she could to make herself less threatening, Elissa made her way over to the fragile man lying on her bed and settled herself at his side. At first glance the emaciation was overwhelming. Jowan had never been in possession of the type of musculature that would be what she jokingly told Anders could make him a swordsman, but neither had she been able to read the curves and angles of every bone through the skin as she could now.

She took in a deep, slow breath, willing her temper to calm as she dipped the cloth in the warm water and reached over to draw it as gently as she could down the inside of his forearm and across his wrist. The skin there was raw and even when healed would leave a permanent scar as it had gone untreated for far too long to ever be restored without a blemish. She worked diligently to remove the bits of… rope; she thought… that had embedded themselves into the skin. The longer she worked, the angrier she got, and the less gentle her hands became until Jowan flinched back from her touch and moaned softly. She dropped her hands down in horror.

"I'm sorry…. I-I can't be the one to do this." Elissa whispered, more to herself than anyone else as she settled the basin and cloth on the bedside table. "I'll only do more damage than I've already done."

She was out the door after that, popping her head out into the bar where the others had settled just long enough to catch Zevran's attention and bring him up the stairs to her side.

"Stand guard outside this door. No one goes in without my permission and if you hear so much as a whisper from inside that doesn't belong to Jowan…"

"Then I shall send said whisper to its grave." Zevran replied, not even flinching when her quick nod confirmed what she was asking him to do.

"If he stirs, come and find me." She squeezed his arm once as he disappeared down the hall toward her room and then pushed out the main door and into the rain.

That rain had progressed from a gentle mist into a steady downpour in the time Elissa had taken to settle Jowan into her room, but she didn't care. She walked briefly into the cover provided in the nearby outbuildings, recalling her cloak and dagger meetings with the Mage Collective during the Blight. Back then she'd only done as they asked because she desperately needed the coin to keep them all armed and armored, and even then she only did the things she could easily work in among the tasks she'd already assigned them to.

She should have done more; she knew that now. She should have done everything they had for her and then asked for more. Instead she'd collected a few scrolls and run some slight interference and gone on her merry way leaving people like Anders to…

_Anders_… Not so very long ago he had been Jowan and there had been no well-meaning templar keeping watch over him in the darkness at her request. There had been no _Hero of Ferelden _coming to his rescue. The thought of him down there, going through that, not just once but Maker only knew how many times before his final escape pushed her well beyond her ability to manage her temper.

She wanted to punch something, to kick it, to destroy, and so she grabbed the first thing she saw. The ale barrel was long empty and easy to heft as she charged her way through the archway and out into the rain, throwing the barrel as hard as she could at the stony hill behind the tavern and enjoying the sight of it busting into pieces. But it wasn't enough. She picked up the boards, bashing them into the ground until they broke into nothing more than splinters and then stomping them down into the quickly forming mud beneath her boots. When there was nothing more to break she screamed.

"Whatever the barrel did, I'm sure it's sorry."

Elissa spun to find Anders standing there in the cover of the outbuildings and watching her with a cautious eye. She was drenched, long curls dripping onto her clothing as she panted away from exertion and rage. She pushed her hair back from her face, and tried to come up with something she could say to make him understand she wasn't losing control and it was safe to approach should he choose to.

"Yes, well it should be." She took in a deep breath, pacing down closer to the lake's edge, relieved when he came to a stop beside her instead of turning to go back inside. "I'm not going mental again; I'm just angry. Very, _very_ angry."

"I can see that." His reply was cryptic, and out of the corner of her eye Elissa could see he was watching her intently. "I need you to explain why. _Why_ are you so angry? He's one man, one man who is actually guilty of the crimes that put him there in the first place. If I add that to the knowledge I now have telling me that you have maintained a close friendship with not one but _two_ templars for any number of years… I'm sorry, Elissa. I can't make this work in my head."

"Alistair never wanted to be a templar." She looked at her hands as she spoke; fidgeting with her fingers and prying loose the splinters of wood that had lodged themselves into the flesh there during her tantrum. "Eamon sent him there after he married Isolde because the bitch considered him to be an inconvenience, as much as anyone being hidden away in a stable like livestock can be an inconvenience."

"I-I… I didn't know that." He hadn't. The idea that anyone outside of the mage community would be forced into a life they didn't want had never occurred to Anders, and it shook him a little that The King himself had traveled a much harsher path than he'd imagined to sit upon his throne.

"Few people do. It isn't something that Alistair speaks of often. He just glosses over it with humor and presses on. You are remarkably similar to him in that way." The side of her mouth curved up slightly as she glanced at him, but it was gone just as fast as it had come. "And Cullen. We didn't start out as friends. Did you know him before Uldred's rebellion?"

"Yes. Cullen was one of the good ones…"

"Do you know what happened to him?" the look on his face told her that he did not, and so she turned her eyes back to the tower and remembered. "When we found him he was being held in some sort of magical prison. I have no idea how long he'd been there, but he was close to madness. Uldred had sent any number of demons to tempt him, and the blood mages had been poking away in his brain… trying to… He didn't even believe I was real at first. I had to convince him I wasn't a demon, and even then he didn't trust me. He refused to believe that anyone left in the tower other than him was safe. He wanted me to kill them all and he was furious when I refused."

"The first letters I got from him were understandably tense. He'd basically been ordered to write a letter of gratitude to a woman to whom he was not at all grateful, and my initial responses did nothing to soften him, I'm sure. But eventually, as we kept up with the writing, I realized he'd been broken just like I had, and he was fighting with everything he had not to lose himself to that darkness. We sort of… _healed_… something in one another, I suppose. That's the only way I can explain it." She waited for Anders to respond in some way, but still he said nothing. "I didn't ask Cullen to look after Jowan. He offered. He'd heard rumors about what was happening to him… and he knew that I'd kept him from execution after Redcliffe…"

"How long did you know before…"

"Too long." Elissa tore her eyes away from him then, but not before he'd seen what he needed to see. "There are any number of excuses I can make. Some of them are even logical. But they're only excuses and they change nothing." She was pacing now, feet sloshing through the muck as the downpour transitioned to torrent around them. "I did this, Anders. I sent him back to that place. This… _all_ of this is my fault."

"Jowan is not your fault, Elissa." Anders insisted, reaching over to try and still her but she dodged his touch and slipped away. "He made his own choices and those choices led him to this place…"

"_I_ led him to this place, Anders!" she stopped in front of him then, and he could see that not all of the moisture on her face had come from the rain that had now managed to soak them both to the bone. "I did this. This is my fault… you are…"

"Me?" His eyes went wide with the realization that it wasn't Jowan pulling this out of her, it was _him_.

"If I hadn't sent him back there, maybe things wouldn't have been so hard on you… maybe…" She couldn't stop her mind from going there, from lingering on the idea that it could have been Anders lying back in her room – nothing more than a specter of the man he should have been. "How can you stand to be near me? Look at what I do – at _who_ I am. I destroy everything I touch."

"You didn't destroy me… you…" He tried to interrupt but she couldn't even hear him, she was lost in her own mind again.

"I can't stop thinking that it was _you_… it was you in there before… it was…" she dropped down into the mud, unable to manage what it took even to pace it off anymore. "And when I think about that it makes me want to go back in there and slaughter them all. Every last one of them…" She looked up at him then, and he saw something flash there in her eyes he'd never seen before. Something sliding into place. "I swear to you, not just for today but for a lifetime, if they come for you again I will _end_ them. So long as I draw breath, the Chantry will never have you again."

He dropped down beside her then, reaching tentative hands up to cup her face and thanking the Maker when she didn't flinch away from the intimacy of the gesture.

"You didn't destroy me, Elissa. You saved me; more times than I can count, and you didn't even know it… I didn't even know you…" She grumbled in her chest, a pained sound that told him she didn't believe him. "But now I do, and I see who you are beyond this face you show the world, beyond the secrets you carry inside you… You say that Cullen healed something inside of you… maybe I can heal what he didn't. You carry the burdens of the world as though they are your own, and it is _breaking_ you! I can't bear to watch it any longer – no more than you can bear the thought of what I suffered in that tower." Her eyes locked onto his again, and he shivered at the intensity and then pressed on. "I don't know how to do this. I-I…"

"I don't either." Elissa admitted, reaching up to take his face in her own hands and press her forehead against his. "Though I would imagine not dying of pneumonia would be a good place to start."

She smiled then, the tip of her nose brushing against his for a moment before the sound of her soft laughter reached him. She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face into the sopping wet cloth covering his shoulder and allowing herself to believe what he had to say. It was a brief moment of respite before her mind went back to what awaited her back inside the tavern.

"I can't do this. He's going to wake up when it starts to hurt and see me there and…" She pulled back then, pushing up to stand and fretting with her hair. "I know you weren't friends…"

"You're right, but _we_ are." Anders cleared his throat and stood beside her. "So, if what you're asking for is someone to come along so you don't have to face this alone, you only ever had to say the words."

He held out his hand and waited for her to take it, knowing he was ready to step forward and return the support she had so freely given him when he faced down his own fears earlier in the day.


	25. Chapter 25: Healing Old Wounds and Carvi

**_Disclaimer_**_: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** One last round lakeside._

_Antivan Translation: The Grizzly Shadow  
><em>

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my ladies beta **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Twenty-Five: Healing Old Wounds and Carving New<strong>_

Anders took a moment to return to his quarters and tug on some dry robes, giving Elissa time to tend to her own saturated state before returning her focus to Jowan. When she responded to his soft knock at her door, only her damp hair revealed anything of their time outside in the storm.

The light in Elissa's room made it all too easy to see the damage done to the mage lying on her bed, despite of the layers of filth which concealed the worst of his injuries. Anders could see her starting to falter again the moment they turned in his direction and scrambled to find the words to ease her conscience.

"I could cast a small sleep spell on him if you'd like. It would get him through the worst of the debridement and disinfecting we're going to need to do before I can make any attempt to bandage and heal him properly."

She rubbed at her temples for a moment, contemplating the offer and watching Jowan roll restlessly as he slept. "No… I can't help but think that's almost _worse_ in the end. If he's to stay asleep for the process, I'd rather it be of his own accord or because _he_ asked you to send him there. I don't want to be yet another person who has manipulated the natural order of things to… manage… him."

Elissa retrieved the basin, pulling the cloth out of the water and grimacing when she realized it had now gone cold. Anders didn't wait for her to ask; he simply pulled a small bit of flame into the palm of his hand and submerged it long enough to heat the liquid back to a more comfortable temperature. She squeezed his hand and smiled gratefully, making her way to sit again at Jowan's side.

She glanced down at the wrist she had been working on before, altering her focus to his face instead. She brushed the hair back from his forehead and cheek as gently as she could manage, running the wet cloth from his eyebrow down over the pronounced curve of his cheekbone and ending on his jaw.

"Is that?" Anders' voice was shocked, and she felt herself shaking in response to it.

"I'd thought it was dirt, but yes… it's all bruising."

She dipped the cloth back into the water and wrung it out, making another pass across his face to reveal the full extent of damage done. Not one blow but many would have been required to create discoloration this expansive. She was surprised any of the bones on that side of his face remained intact and doubted his features would ever return fully to their unbroken state.

When Jowan started to open his eyes, Elissa tensed, snapping her guilty hand back like a child caught stealing. Anders watched the look pass across her face that told him she was fighting down her own urge to run in the face of this, and pressed a subtle hand against her back to remind her she did not stand on this precipice alone.

When the mage's eyes were fully opened, they found hers and lingered there in silence. Elissa waited for him to flinch away from her and cast the blame she knew she deserved, but it didn't come. Instead he rolled forward and collapsed across her lap, wrapping his arms around her waist and sobbing into her linen covered thigh.

"Y-you came… you…"

Elissa sat motionless, caught completely off guard by the outpouring of relief when she'd expected hate or at the very least fear. She had no idea what to do, turning eyes wide with confusion up toward Anders who merely nodded in her direction.

She settled her hands lightly against Jowan, stroking her fingers gently through his hair echoing a memory. Oriana had used the same motion to calm her own fears many years before. She carried the gesture down against his back, willing herself not to physically respond when she could feel the bones in his spine distinctly pronounced beneath her fingers.

"Of course I did… I'm only sorry I didn't come sooner."

"Cullen… that was you, wasn't it?" Jowan sat up slowly, taking note of Anders' presence behind her though he said nothing with regard to it. "He never said directly…"

"Cullen's decision to watch over you was of his own choosing. I cannot take credit for that, much as I would like to. I merely used the information he provided to formulate a plan for your extraction." Elissa watched Jowan's eyes go a bit wider as her words started to sink in.

"My extraction? Then I'm out? I'm…. I'm _free_?"

"Not free, exactly. But you will never have to go back to that place. On that you have my word." She fought to keep her features neutral, knowing that once again the _freedom_ she offered was just as likely to kill, as it was to liberate. "I am Warden-Commander of Ferelden now. I used that title to recruit you. If you submit yourself to our Joining, I will welcome you among the ranks of the Grey Wardens."

His eyes passed up to Anders then, something falling into place in his mind. "That's how you stayed out this time. You were recruited?"

"Actually, this vixen conscripted me right out from under that lunatic, Rylock. I wish you could have seen the look on her face." Anders beamed at the memory, noting that Elissa put aside her stress long enough to gloat a bit at the thought of that victory. "In the end, it's the same though. I'm a Warden now and as close to free as I'm ever likely to be."

"I can't imagine why you'd want to recruit me after everything I've done." Jowan faltered, falling back against the headboard and pinning guilty eyes to his dirty fingertips. "I'd imagine a maleficar who poisoned the king's uncle isn't high on the list of potential recruits for a legendary order of heroes."

"_Heroes_…" the disdain Elissa had for that word dripped as she used it, and forced her to press her lips into a thin line before speaking again. "The measure of a man is not nearly so black and white as that term would make them out to be. We are all capable of just as much good as we are evil. I am no more immune to this than you. It is a simple fact of our existence as living, breathing, _thinking_ beings. You and I both know you are no more a maleficar than I am a chantry sister. I think you are far more suitable for our ranks than you believe."

"You'd trust me not to poison you or taint your mind with blood magic?" Jowan asked, brow furrowed when the look on Anders face said he couldn't entirely make that allowance.

"You'd trust _me_ not to send you back off to be tortured, starved and sodomized for nearly a year?" Elissa watched him withdraw physically, hoping the harsh words she had chosen did more to push her point than cause further injury. "We are both guilty of using poor judgment in our pasts, Jowan. I am willing to forgive your faults. The only question here is can you forgive mine?"

Jowan paused in silence, inspecting her with careful eyes and weighing his options, which weren't all that numerous. Fearing that the man was actually leaning toward not forgiving her, and seeing the toll that was taking on Elissa's already fraught emotional state, Anders added his own opinions to the mix.

"What she's offering you, beyond a shot at your own redemption – which in and of itself should be more than enough to sell you on the idea – is the closest thing to freedom you and I are ever likely to know. It's more than most mages get by a long shot. If I were you I'd take the offer."

"I'm not hesitating because I-I…" Jowan's eyes narrowed a bit at the other mage's insinuation. "She's seen the worst of me and you… _you_ don't even like me. Why would either of you risk anything on my behalf?"

Elissa hesitated, searching for the words she needed to best communicate her sincerity, but before she could open her mouth to speak them – Anders had already begun.

"Because it's the right thing to do."

"And beyond that…" Elissa smiled as she took Anders' hand, unbelievably proud of just how far he'd come from those first trembling steps that brought him within eyesight of the tower. "Everyone should be given a shot at redemption, Jowan. I cannot undo all that you have suffered over these months in the wake of my grievous mistake, but I can promise that with me it will never happen again. One way or another, your life as a victim of the Chantry's blasphemy ends here."

His eyes flicked down to the comfortable way that the pair in front of him drew support from the most subtle of touches and he could not help but wish for even a modicum of that security as his own.

"I am yours, if you will have me."

"Absolutely." Elissa's smile was brilliant when she offered her free hand, palm open. She breathed a sigh of relief when he finally reciprocated the gesture before setting them all back in motion with a subtle tilt of her head. "Now, let's see if we can't get you cleaned and healed and into some proper clothes, shall we?"

Jowan nodded, feeling completely at ease for the first time in longer than he could remember and watching as his new companions set about preparing him a bath and requesting that an assortment of food and beverage be sent up to the room for afterward.

* * *

><p>The group spent several days in or on the grounds of The Spoiled Princess, waiting for Jowan to recover enough of his strength to make Elissa comfortable in traveling with him. They had no horses, having lost them in the Wending Wood weeks before, and so the journey would take longer than she would have preferred no matter how she looked at it.<p>

Once on the road, she established as vigorous a pace as she dared, having no desire to tax the still-healing mage by pushing him harder than he was physically capable of managing. She'd already watched him go far beyond his own limits in order to please her, and struggled to find the words to properly explain to him that beyond a general willingness to follow orders and _not_ make direct efforts to harm or kill her and the rest of her companions, she required little of the man other than seeing to his own rehabilitation.

It was during her rumination on this very issue that Nathaniel sought out a conversation for the first time since they'd parted ways outside her chamber door several days prior.

"Have you a moment to talk?" the gravelly timbre of his voice jolted her out of her thoughts and drew her attention as he settled his pace to match her strides.

"As long as you don't mind walking while we do it."

"No, walking is fine. It's probably better…" He turned his grey eyes away from her, hands falling into a loose clasp behind his back. The motion was unusual and very telling on Nathaniel.

"Why am I suddenly certain you're about to ruin my day?" Her eyes narrowed on him, flicking back for a moment to land on Velanna in whose company he'd been most likely to be found while they lazed about the lakeside inn.

He'd caught the motion as he turned back to her, noting where her mind had instinctually gone and forcing himself not to chuckle in response. Laughing at the flare of jealousy wouldn't do him any favors, especially in light of the conversation he was now left to manage.

"Because I probably am, though it would appear not in the way you are imagining."

"Ah, so you _haven't_ come to confess to me your undying love for scantily clad elven harpies?" Elissa snickered, arching an eyebrow with her smile.

"No, not unless _you_ would care to confess your undying love for oversexed blonde men who wear dresses?" He quirked a smile of his own, listening to the pop of her tongue against her teeth as his jab hit home.

"Touché." She turned her eyes forward with a sigh, rubbing at her face for a moment and then bracing herself for whatever it was her angsty archer _did_ have to speak of. "Well, out with it then. If I'm to be pissed then, I'd rather just have on with it than sit here wondering what you've done and not told me this time."

"You're assuming an awful lot about what's brought me to you." Nathaniel noted, irritation leaking into his words though he fought against it.

"Am I?" she snorted, green eyes locking onto him and daring him to deny her assertion. "If my assumption is incorrect then please, Nathaniel, _do_ enlighten me."

His hesitation spoke volumes.

"That's what I thought. Now get on with it. You're already trying my patience and you haven't even spoken of whatever it is yet."

For a moment he considered putting it off again, but the longer he watched her and sensed the growing tension communicating into him through the conduit, the more clear it became that he was now forced to finish what he started.

"I need to speak with you about what you saw in the Circle prison. More specifically, how it relates to me…"

"To you? How could anything in the Circle relate to…" Her words trailed off immediately after interrupting him, something in the intellectual center of her brain locking into place when the pieces started to fall together. "Is this about your previously hidden blade skills?"

"In a way." It was all he could manage before his throat caught at the look in her eyes with even the partial knowledge that the man in front of her, the man she had once known and loved, could have any sort of connection to the horrors perpetrated in those dark cells.

"In _what_ way?"

"Have you ever heard mention of the name El Sombra Cinzenta?"

She stopped walking, entire body tensed up once the whole of it had passed his lips. He'd hoped for a moment that she wouldn't have known of it in spite of The Assassin's admission to the same, but all that was dashed as she spun in his direction.

"_That_ name is used in connection with an exceptionally prolific - and if Zevran and Ignacio are to be believed, the most vicious torturer and killer in all the Free Marches! _That_ name is notorious and feared even among the Antivan Crows – and you can trust me when I say they count no saints in their rank." She'd completely invaded his personal space now, heat radiating off of her body as she searched through his eyes for any hint he was lying. "Are you telling me this… this… _monster_… El Sombra Cinzenta is _you_?

"Why! _Why_ would you do these things? The man I l…" she glossed over the near slip of a word she was nowhere near ready to say even without their current circumstances, pacing away from him and digging her fingers into her hair in frustration before charging back when something else flared to life in the corners of her mind. "Did you have _anything_ to do with what happened to my family?"

It was exactly what Nathaniel feared she would conclude with his admission, and so he did nothing when she slammed him bodily against a nearby tree, dagger now drawn and at his throat for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Answer me now, and know I will read if you are lying – and _if_ you are lying you and I will go off into the forest and see how well I can measure up to your legend. I was too angry to take my time with your father – but if you played any role in the slaughter at Highever, no matter how small, I assure you I will rectify that mistake with you."

There was no hesitation in her words, nothing in her eyes or the willingly open conduit that could allow him to hide behind the illusion that she was merely speaking to him in anger. She meant every word, and if he was unable to convince her of his innocence there was now no doubt in his mind that the vengeance she would wreak on him would pale in comparison to those things he had done in the shadowy corners and back rooms of another land.

"I had _nothing_ to do with what happened to your family, Elissa. If I'd known the full details, I'd have seen to Father myself. Your family was more precious to me than my own in many ways. I would never have been a party to their slaughter."

Elissa inspected him closely, growling low in her throat and pushing away when she was convinced his words held nothing but truth. As she paced away she noticed that the rest of the group had staggered to a stop just out of range and now stood watching their exchange through fearful eyes.

"_Not mad! Just angry!_" Elissa yelled, waving her blade about in frustration before sheathing it and stalking back up the road. The light footfalls at her side told her that Nathaniel followed and she forced herself to resist the urge to spout off any number of profanities at him until he went away.

"We can't just leave it like this." Nathaniel insisted, pausing in the hope that she would agree, but she offered him nothing. "I need to know that you're okay with this… that we're…"

"You expect me to be _okay_ with you having spent the years we were apart doing Maker only knows what to any number of… victims… on your father's behalf?" She snorted, shaking her head at the absurdity of his request. "I'd suggest not holding your breath while you wait for that to happen."

"Zevran was an Antivan Crow, Elissa! You've just recounted in your own words the things of which those men are capable! How is it you can manage to find it in your heart to forgive him but you cannot see your way to the same end with me?" He was furious now; and not only with himself. Her unwillingness to bend was illogical.

"Because, Nathaniel, I have never been in love with Zevran. I have never looked into his soul and seen a future within which I so desperately wanted to belong." Her voice was shaking with every word and he could feel the shift in emotion when she passed through fury and into pain. "You ask how I cannot find it my heart… my heart is the root of it. I give it to you only to have it ripped apart. I patch it up and try again only to have you slide the blade in deeper… and now you twist it… and I…"

She stopped and turned toward him, eyes glistening with tears sheer will kept from falling. "I cannot search for something in a place you demolish with your every confession. I cannot conjure up emotion out of thin air. I cannot… I cannot even _look_ at you right now and not see Rendon having a bloody last laugh from beyond the grave."

She turned away from him and continued down the road, shoulders fallen and stride completely broken by sorrow. "I will do everything I can to repair this new fracture, Nathaniel… but that is the most I can promise you. Until then, piss off."


	26. Chapter 26: Coming to Terms

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Sometimes things just have to break to have any hope of being repaired._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers; and to my ladies beta **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. :) _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Twenty-Six: Coming to Terms<strong>_

No matter how clear Elissa was about Alistair's support of his release and in spite of her repeated assurances that Eamon would come nowhere near him during their time in the city, Jowan was understandably reluctant to stay within the walls of the Royal Quarter. Even if they stayed restricted to the Warden Enclave, the proximity to the man who had once been so adamant at seeing his end would have made it impossible for the mage to rest comfortably. This left Elissa with little alternative but to seek rooms in one of the seedy inns that seemed to spread across Denerim like the pox.

"A whorehouse? You've boarded us in a _whorehouse_?" Velanna was indignant, and two hairs shy of stomping her foot against the carpet in her frustration. "I was under the impression you played bed-warmer to the king when you weren't off menacing people with knives. Shouldn't we warrant rooms within the castle, or are you _that_ bad at keeping your male companions happy?"

"Oh, Velanna. Just because I don't keep the girls bouncing in the breeze according to what I can only assume to be the pinnacle of Dalish fashion, doesn't mean I'm in any way lacking when it comes to keeping a lover's attention." To an outsider her smile may have appeared sincere, but as she finished paying the subtly chuckling innkeeper and turned toward the door, those who knew what to look for could easily read the venom in her eyes.

Anders was settling Jowan into his room at Elissa's request, and the dwarves were carousing at the bar with several of the regulars. This left Elissa trapped in the company of the two people she _least_ wished to find herself with as she waited for Zevran to finish his errands so they could leave.

"I suppose I have _you_ to thank for relaying that particular bit of information." Elissa sneered, narrowing her eyes on Nathaniel as she paced past him. "I find it hard to believe that the Dalish keep abreast of the sex trade within our capital city." She laughed at her own pun when The Archer merely huffed his annoyance in response, and pressed it further in the hopes it would push the man to simply _go away_. "Oh, now that was funny. Did you see what I did there – got in another jab at her breasts? Well… not _literally_ because, yech… never gonna go there."

Velanna disappeared down the hall, refusing to stand there and subject herself to any further humiliation. This turned the smile on Elissa's face genuine and prodded a response from Nathaniel.

"You are unnecessarily cruel to her."

"If her skin is so thin, she should probably wear more to cover it." Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes and settling at the table by the door when it became obvious that Zevran wouldn't be appearing any time soon. "It would appear she's attracted her very own knight in shining armor, though, I suppose your armor isn't all that shiny anymore."

"Get it out, Elissa." Nathaniel settled himself opposite from her at the table, folding his arms and resolving to take anything she launched in his direction. "Whatever it's going to take to get us past this I'm willing to bear."

"What if I require that payment in flesh?" her eyes flashed with anger, gone back to the darkness of the tower depths and the things she now knew the man in front of her had once been party to.

"Then take it."

"I imagine you'd enjoy offering up that payment quite a bit more than you should." Her subsequent laughter was cold.

"And I imagine you'd enjoy taking it quite a bit more than _you_ should." He watched the muscles in her jaw twitch and knew he'd pushed too far.

She stood up and stalked over to the door. "Tell Zevran I'll meet him at the castle."

She was gone after that, and Nathaniel knew better than to risk following.

* * *

><p>Alistair waited on the balcony of the royal suite focusing his gaze down on the newly transplanted roses in the private garden below. The bushes came from the same stock that had produced the flower he gave Elissa many years before. He'd given her some seeds of her own to root in Amaranthine, but he doubted she had taken the time to plant them. It was more likely they lay buried beneath the piles of unanswered correspondence and old dusty tomes that littered the ancient desk bolted to the floor of her study. Her new life and the resurgence of her old one left little time for sentimentality and he felt himself getting lost in the shuffle along with his gifts.<p>

When he heard the door open and close behind him with no announcement from the guard to follow it, he knew she had finally arrived. He cleared his throat and painted on his most genuine of smiles, bracing himself for the ground they had to cover with regard to her newest recruit and the conversation about her latest indiscretion that would follow.

"Where's Zevran?" It was unusual not to find The Assassin at her side even when his presence hadn't been requested, but it seemed particularly curious that he would allow her to travel alone with the current price on her head.

"He had some business to attend to in the Market and I got tired of listening to the various complaints about my decision to book our rooms in a whorehouse, so I came along on my own." Elissa replied. Her voice was light and she offered up a smile but it was clear there was more to it than she was saying.

"A whorehouse? Why haven't you settled in at the Enclave? I didn't refurnish the whole thing so you could spend your time at The Pearl." His tone relayed nothing but concern, but he was more than a little frustrated that she would choose not to spend any time she could manage within the palace walls.

"_I_ wasn't planning on spending any time at The Pearl unless you're saying you don't want me staying here." Elissa replied, holding his eyes until his expression softened with the realization it was the Wardens she had seen to, not herself. "I've only booked the rest of them there because Jowan was reluctant to come within sight of the Palace District."

"You've told him he has nothing to fear from me?" Alistair looked horrified that the mage would be afraid of him. Once the full picture had become clear he had been every bit as adamant about finding a way to see to his release.

"It's not _you_, Alistair. It's Eamon. He's terrified that if the man sees him again he'll be shipped right back to the tower. I tried telling him I'd gut the man before I saw that happen, but he still wasn't convinced." She laughed at her own joke and it was unsettling to Alistair how little apology there was in the smile that accompanied it.

"That's not funny, Elissa." The smile faded, but he couldn't erase the memory that it had been there.

"I remember when you used to have a sense of humor." She rubbed the tip of her nose with a flick of her fingers. It was a gesture Alistair recognized all to well as a sign of growing annoyance. "I have no intention of doing harm to your uncle unless he forces my hand in the matter, but Jowan has every right to be concerned. Once Eamon finds out, Chantry retribution will be the _least_ of our concerns."

"I thought you managed to avoid conscription?"

"I did, thus my concerns are not tied directly to Kinloch Hold; and more to the Chantry en masse. This is not the first time I've slipped quarry from their grasp. Add to that our time with Morrigan and the templar I was forced to kill in Amaranthine… it's only a matter of time before they come after me directly." Elissa drew in a long, slow breath, leaning forward against the solid stone railing. "When that time comes, you will need to distance yourself from me politically."

"No." Alistair's assertion was so resolute it gave her no room to argue. "If this is how I make my mark as a king, so be it, but I won't step aside and let you take the fall for this alone."

"Support the decisions, Alistair. Support the cause. But you must separate yourself from the crimes I have committed in the name of the greater good, and if it comes down to it, you must condemn those actions and push for a peaceful solution."

Alistair had learned enough from the time spent training in the ways of nobility and politics to understand that she spoke nothing but the truth, but it didn't make it any easier to accept what he would one day have to do.

"Do you think the possibility for a peaceful solution remains?"

"In Kinloch Hold, maybe. I certainly put the fear of the Maker himself in them if they thought to go back to those ways in any fashion." Elissa shrugged her shoulders as she turned to face him. "But the initial letters from Cullen have taken from me any hope that we may find one on a larger scale. The things he's seen in Kirkwall have gotten to him, Alistair. You and I both know what he went through with Uldred, and after what I saw in that prison, the evidence left on Jowan's body… If it's upset him already, I shudder to think what may be going on in the Free Marches."

Alistair rubbed at his face with both hands, longing for the simplicity of his time with the Grey Wardens. Even in the chaos of the Blight, he had never felt so helpless and alone. He'd give anything to lay down this burden and return to that life; but he knew the time for such rash decisions had long passed him by.

"Were you able to retrieve the volume Avernus requested?" He shifted topics; unable to push his weary mind any further along their current path.

"I was. You'll want to send Swiftrunner back with it as soon as you can manage." She pulled the tome loose from her pack and pressed it into his hands, watching him turn it and inspect the spine.

"Guarding Your Mind: How to Prevent Possession? I thought we'd agreed there was no sign of anything demonic… what would he need with this?" Alistair's features twisted into a mix of confusion and fear.

"Avernus said he couldn't sense anything _definitive_, but the progression has been increasingly aggressive and he has to adapt to that. Treating this like an invading force could help provide a barrier to slow its reproduction, and Avernus is confident that, at the very least, learning to better control it on an intellectual level can only work to our benefit."

"Do _you_ think this could be demonic?" His brow furrowed as he leaned in toward her, and Elissa desperately wanted to offer him the blissful white lies of reassurance that had come so easily in their past, but she could not.

"I don't know anymore, Alistair." She shook her head and reached up to tug at the end of a loose curl. "I'm changing… on levels beyond just my physical body. I can't ignore it or deny it anymore, and Avernus' tonics do what they can but there are times I can feel myself slipping further into that darkness and I don't always have the strength or the inclination to fight it."

"Is that what happened in the Fade?" The question was out before he'd even realized it was coming, and he watched her flinch in response to it, her green eyes turning up and seeking out the amber of his own.

"Someone told you."

"Don't hold him responsible. He should never have had to carry that secret. You should have come clean, Elissa. How could you stand there and lie to my face again? How could you let me take you to my bed knowing you'd merged your souls?" He was furious and hurt, and Elissa could hear every bit of that beneath the calm facade he was wearing.

"I didn't lie…" She listened to his angry snort as he threaded fingers into blonde locks and paced away from her. "I didn't… I… you asked if we'd lain together. Physically, we had not. That is what I told you."

"You're very good at that, Elissa. At saying things that are nothing more than an evasion of the question that's been asked so you can paint yourself in the guise of truth at the end of the day, but it's all illusion. The truth is, whether in body or soul, you took another man as your lover… and I cannot see past this, not this time." He paced back over to her and waited for her to meet his eyes again before continuing. "You have bonded yourself to him on a level that I cannot touch, no matter how hard I try, and when you add to that your constant physical proximity to the man I am left with little choice but to force this decision. I said I'd give you time to process this ghost from your past, and I believe that I have been more than patient. So now, I'm asking you to make your choice. Him, or me?"

"You expect me to make this decision _now_? Right this second?" Elissa was indignant. She did not like being backed into a corner and Alistair was well aware of that.

"I do. If you wish to remain with me, we commit - here and now – to a date for the wedding."

"Everything you know about our darkspawn troubles, everything we've just spoken of with regard to the disgusting practices of the Chantry, everything you know about my personal struggles… and you… and you, _what_? You want me to forget about all that and come play house with you?" She was seething, chest heaving as she fought to control her temper.

"That wasn't my intent, but it is interesting that you would choose to refer to our relationship as _playing house_." His own temper had risen with her accusations, and though he did his best to rein it in, he could feel his control slipping.

"Is that not what it is? You're asking me to put aside my duty, my oath to see to the greater good, and come back here to put on a pretty show for the nobles so your ego can recover from whatever slight you've imagined this time."

"_Imagined_! I didn't imagine it. You slept with another man for the _second_ time since you promised yourself to me, and then lied about it! I don't care what plane it was on!" He was yelling now, he could only imagine what the servants were thinking as he knew now how well sound carried within the palace walls. "I'm asking you for nothing more than keeping the promise you made to me when I took the throne at your behest – setting aside my own happiness in the process. I've done nothing but acquiesce to _your_ needs since I got here, Elissa. I am asking you for one thing, _one thing_, of my own. Can you not give it to me? I'll go right back to being a marionette at your whim tomorrow."

"I can't believe this is happening…" Elissa was fraught, fingers threaded into her hair as she paced back and forth across the balcony. "When Nathaniel said you'd try to collar me with this, I thought he was insane… but you've _actually_ gone and done it."

"Now you're discussing our relationship troubles with him?" he barked out a cold burst of laughter, seeing things spiraling rapidly out of his control but unable to do anything to stop it. "What else are you sharing? Has it gotten physical yet? Has he known you on every possible level?"

The crack of Elissa's palm across his face was audible, and it snapped his head to the side with such force he knew he'd bruise from it later.

"You want to give me an ultimatum? Force a decision? Fine. You have it." She yanked the Theirin signet off her finger and tossed it to the ground, turning to leave both him and the conversation. "I promised to marry you because I love you, but I'll not follow through when you make it into an obligation. If you ever decide to stop treating me like a possession and remember that I'm an actual person, you know where to find me."

Alistair dipped down to retrieve his ring as Elissa disappeared back into the hallway and out of his reach. He'd known that pressing her was likely to result in a certain amount of resistance, but she'd gone completely round the bend and he had no idea what had driven her there nor how to go about repairing it. Fretting with his hair one last time, he tucked the ring in the palm of his hand and returned to the letter he'd been writing to her brother. If he was to salvage this, it would call for more drastic measures.

* * *

><p>By the time Elissa made it back to The Pearl, all of the rooms she had not already booked were now in use, which left her biding her time in the darkest corner she could find until one of them was free again. She leaned back against the wall, thinking of the last time she'd sat in this spot and the company she'd been keeping then.<p>

_Isabela_… she chuckled low in her throat at the memory. What would the pirate think of her now? Tucked away in a corner so far into her cups she'd long lost count of them, twirling an already half empty vial in her fingers and contemplating downing the rest of it now that Zevran had provided her with the most reliably replenishing supply he could manage. She longed for something to give her one night free of sorrow, free of regret, free of… herself.

"Being queen not all it's cracked up to be?"

_That's not going to do it_… she thought, watching Nathaniel settle into the chair at her side with a mug of his own.

"I doubt I'm every likely to know." She replied, holding her hand up and doing a quick waggle of her fingers to draw his eye to the spot made recently vacant.

"Lover's quarrel?" He knew better at this point than to assume that the loss of the gold band meant anything beyond it. She'd taken it off and he'd taken it back before, and somehow it always found its way back onto her finger.

"Did you tell him?" she finished off the last of the ale in her mug and dropped it hard to the table, gesturing to the nearby barmaid to bring another before leaning back against the wall.

"Tell him what?"

"You know what." Her eyes were narrowed and completely devoid of patience. "He knows what we did in the Fade, and I certainly didn't tell him."

"I was tied to a bed and confined to a room of my own until they brought me in for your big revelation. If he was given that information, it didn't come from me." Her eyes read into him across the newly filled mug now settled in front of her, but he was unafraid. He could not draw her ire for this indiscretion. "In light of that, I think we both know where the information came from."

Elissa did know, and she'd address that issue later. For now she would reveal nothing of her feelings with regard to it, not to Nathaniel. His jealousy toward The Mage was already apparent though the two had only newly forged the bonds of their friendship.

"I'm going to cover this once, and then I don't want to speak of it again for awhile. If you want to sit here and drink with me for however long it takes me to get a room or pass out, then fine, but I'm not opening a dialogue here and I'm not looking for a debate. Can you agree to that?" She waited for him to nod, which he did, folding his arms across his chest and motioning the barmaid to refill his own empty glass.

"I can make peace with your past, Nathaniel, for a list of reasons I'll not go into now because I simply don't have the strength to wrench it out of me. There is a darkness in you I have seen in your father, and also in myself. To condemn you for the very things I would have done myself had I believed you involved in… well, that would make me quite the hypocrite wouldn't it?" She chuckled, downing the entire contents of her mug in one long pull and gesturing to the barmaid again when she was done. "At the end of the day you stood there beside me in that tower and I saw you flinch at it. I _saw_ your disgust at what you'd seen, your fury at what those men had done to someone defenseless against it. So what if I know that you have done some of those things in your past? I _also_ know that you now falter in the face of it. That you question your ability to redeem yourself in light of what you've done and yet stand there at my side willing to take the fall for the war we've started regardless… and all that has made something very clear to me, Nathaniel."

She took the last mug the barmaid brought her, noting that the innkeeper had found her a free room, and tossed it back again before pushing to her feet and laying her hand on his shoulder. "Some of the same darkness remains inside you. I can no more deny it than I can deny the presence of my own. But when all is said and done, you are not El Sombra Cinzenta, not any more than you want to be. _That_ man would have seen no fault in the crimes perpetuated within the Chantry Circles. _That _man would never have volunteered to bear the burdens of my own sins while being forced to revisit his own. _That_ man, Nathaniel, would have had no problem owning up to his title; he would have taken pride in it. Somewhere inside you, the man I fell in love with still remains. I can see that now. You should too."

She was gone before he could even begin to process what she'd said to him, which was just as well as she'd made it clear she sought no discussion from him on this or any topic. He knew his work was far from over; this was but a small victory in the history of a long-standing war – if it was even that.

Still, he couldn't help but hope that if she'd found some way to forgive him for these his most grievous of sins, she might someday find a way back to his arms. She'd said that the man she fell in love with still lingered somewhere inside him. She'd used those words; there could be no confusion. Now it was up to him to find a way to make her see she loved him still, and thankfully The King had granted him the perfect opportunity to do it.


	27. Chapter 27: Gaining Momentum

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Muse Music: Chemicals by Breathe Carolina_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my wonderful betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Twenty-Seven: Gaining Momentum<strong>_

When Elissa finally surfaced from her quarters the next morning, she looked less than happy about having to do it. She stopped off at the bar, choosing to purchase several bottles of their strongest offering to fill her hip flask and store for later. If she couldn't laze about in bed all day sleeping off this hangover then she'd have to rely on a bit of Oghren's "hair of the dog" bravado to take care of it.

She knocked back what was left after topping off her flask straight out of the bottle, pressing her eyes closed briefly against the burn. She'd said… _things_… last night, to Alistair and then later to Nathaniel after she'd filled herself with the contents of enough mugs and little rust-colored vials to put down a dragon. While she wished she could blame them on anger or inebriation, she knew it was just one more example of her reflexive need to destroy anything and anyone of value. And she currently had neither the time nor the inclination to address anything beyond putting one foot in front of the other and moving them right out the door. Soul-searching introspection would simply have to wait.

She slid loose the vial she kept concealed in her sleeve, rolling it absently in her fingers for a moment in contemplation before popping the cap with the edge of her thumb. Another subtle motion had the mouth pressed against the pad of her forefinger just long enough to glaze a silky sheen across it before she made short work of tracing the bitter liquid against her tongue. It couldn't be more than a taste, not if she wanted to function, not if she wanted to keep this the latest of her mortal failings from finding the light of day.

"I can't imagine the king letting you drink that much, which means you were slumming it here with the masses last night." Anders voice startled her and she pinched the edge of her palm between the cap and the vial, biting back any acknowledgement of the sharp pain as she tucked her secret back where it belonged. "_And_, being that I haven't seen you look this awful since I had to drag you out of your room following the last big blow up, I hesitate to ask what's happened this time."

"Finding out the inevitable results of Fade sex apparently makes His Royal Highness a bit cranky and unwilling to share his bed." Elissa quipped, turning her mouth up into a smile, which melted away as soon as the pain of the hangover twinged back into effect with the motion.

His eyes did a slow, guilty pass down to her hand and found – as he'd feared – the gold band previously marking it was no longer present. He started to speak, but all he could manage was the squeaky rasp of the condemned. He braced himself and waited for the yelling to start.

"Breathe, Anders." She was trying to smile again, if only for his benefit, but it was met by an equally painful twinge from her head. "I gave it back. And, as far as your speaking to Alistair about what happened between Nathaniel and I in the Fade… that was never your burden to bear, so I cannot hold you responsible for relieving yourself of its weight."

"You're not angry?"

"Oh, I'm plenty angry. It's all directed in a more… internal… direction though, so you're safe." She laughed a little as she stood, and then groaned while pressing fingers hard against her temples.

"Here." Anders paused at her side, holding his hands a few inches beyond physical contact with her forehead and the base of her neck and pulsing a wave of rejuvenating magic into her. "I can't cure the hangover, but I can help with the pain. I suppose its wishful thinking that whatever you've got in that flask is actually water or some sort of non-alcoholic fruit juice cocktail?"

The eyebrow cocked in his direction was amused but unapologetic, and he sighed in response to it, knowing that an argument on the point would do nothing but prod her already active temper.

"I have to run some errands in the Market District, and Zevran is still in chambers with the king. Care to act as escort for my morning stroll?"

He hooked an elbow and waited for her to slide her hand into the crook of it, smiling as he held open the door and trying not to laugh when she cursed in response to the much brighter sunlight beyond it.

* * *

><p>Several days later, as the first signs of the Keep came into view, Elissa let out the breath she'd been holding. With everything that had happened to connect her to this place, she hadn't thought that relief would ever be an emotion she could tie back to it again – yet, here she was grateful for the comfort the simple sight of it offered to her.<p>

She steered her newly purchased horse toward the stables, thankful she'd stashed away enough gold in the Warden Cache to acquire four to replace those she'd believed to be lost in the Wending Wood. Behind her Nathaniel spoke to Nocturne as they passed his stall, more than a little pleased with himself for correctly predicting that the stallion would lead the stranded animals back here when their riders did not surface from the mines in a timely fashion.

"I don't think you can actually take the credit for that, Nathaniel." Elissa chuckled, easing herself down and reaching up to offer support to Jowan. It had taken most of the trip to finally relax him enough not to crush her ribs in fear of the ride. "Most likely you should be thanking the Maker for blessing you with such an intelligent and loyal creature."

"You're probably right." The Archer laughed himself as he dismounted and reached up to bring Sigrun down behind him. "But, as you're unlikely to give me credit for anything I actually _want_ to be given the credit for anytime soon, I think I'll hang on to this victory if you don't mind."

"Oh, come now! We traveled for days and I don't recall blaming you for anything of significance even once." She winked at him as she strolled past, falling in pace beside Anders and making her way up the hill toward the main gate. "Anders, can you go find Varel? It's time you start learning the preparations for the Joining ritual, and I'd like to get this one done as soon as possible."

Anders squeezed her hand and then darted ahead of the group to seek out the Seneschal.

* * *

><p>Elissa stood in the throne room, fighting to keep her nerves hidden deep beneath the surface of her Warden-Commander façade. The last time she'd been this anxious it had been Nathaniel standing in front of her - only then the fear had been tempered by her anger. Now the fear was all she could see, all she could hear.<p>

The tremble in her hands was barely noticeable as she passed the goblet over to the man in front of her, reciting the words she had now said more times than she'd ever imagined. Jowan still looked so frail, in spite of the healthy color that had started to return to his skin – seeping in to replace the bruising that had now faded into sickly greens and browns.

For a moment Elissa could not imagine that someone so damaged could possibly survive the poison he now took into his mouth, grimacing at the bitter burn she could still remember just as if it was yesterday.

"He's stronger than you think."

Anders' voice was as certain as the press of his hand against hers when he wound their fingers together. She had almost forgotten he was there, but felt her confidence returning now that he had reminded her.

"You're right. I know you're right."

Jowan collapsed to the floor and Elissa waited while Varel checked him for a pulse.

"He's going to need several days of rest due to his previous conditions, but he'll survive." The Seneschal pressed a steady hand to her shoulder, and Elissa could breathe again.

* * *

><p>In the days that followed Jowan's Joining, Elissa kept him restricted to his quarters so that he could recover fully from the stresses the ritual added on top of his already strained physical condition. Anders saw to his care, reporting in to her when her duties kept her confined to her study for hours on end.<p>

She was digging through one of the stacks of correspondence that had accumulated when Nathaniel finally sought her out.

"Well, come along then."

Elissa nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of his voice. She'd been so absorbed in the latest reports of unusual darkspawn activity she hadn't even noticed him come in, much less move to stand within arms reach.

"Come along where?" She recovered quickly, clearing her throat and looking up at him. "Do you not see all this paperwork I'm buried in? It isn't going to see to itself while I'm off wandering about with you."

"What I see is a woman determined to run herself into the ground playing catch-up rather than consider the notion of sharing some of the responsibility. But I'm willing to put that debate aside for now." He chuckled, and tilted his head at his still open hands waiting for her to simply give in to his demands. "Elissa, do you even remember the last few things you've read? You've been at this for days. Take a break and refocus for a moment, then come back to it."

"Refocus on _what_, exactly?" Elissa said, her eyes suspicious as she took his hands and allowed his momentum to help her stand.

"I thought perhaps we might give a pass or two at working out the intricacies of this bond of ours." He held a hand out in front of him and waited for her to lead them out the door of the master suite and down the hall toward the throne room. "I have an idea or two I'd like to test out, if you're willing."

"So long as you don't mind a public forum." She folded her arms across her chest and stood in the middle of the room. It was vacant, but heavily trafficked, so someone could walk in at any moment.

"If it makes you feel better." Nathaniel acquiesced; settling himself to the floor and waiting for her to mimic his motion and settle herself across from him. "Now, we'll start out simple. Close your eyes."

She sighed petulantly and pursed her lips at him, but did as he asked regardless. Minutes of silence ticked by and she began to feel annoyed at this his latest test of her patience, until she felt him prickling away inside her mind.

_You've missed a button in your blouse right above the top of your corset. I can make out just enough skin to fill in the swell of your breasts with my imagination. It is exceptionally distracting._

Elissa's eyes snapped open and she reached up with her fingers to find he was exactly right. She glared up to find him watching her with poorly concealed amusement, and narrowed her eyes in response as she fumbled to correct her wardrobe malfunction.

_I think you should undo the two above it instead._

"What! Why would I..?" He shook his head at her, clearly intending them to communicate without the use of spoken word. She rolled her eyes but did it anyway. _Why on earth would I expose even more of myself to you after what you've just told me?_

_I've had your naked, writhing body pressed up against me, Elissa. I hardly think a slight flash of your décolletage is going to be the thing that pushes me over the edge. _She could feel the laughter he wasn't voicing and it did nothing to soothe her temper. _I'm not asking solely for my benefit. I'm testing a theory._

She hesitated for another moment, but there was a challenge in his eyes she couldn't ignore, and so she popped the other two buttons free and released the material of her blouse. The heavier cording weighted the edges of the shirt down, exposing her entire upper chest to an appreciative gaze he didn't even bother to disguise.

_Ogling? Your theory is ogling?_ She took in a deep breath, intending to make the move back to her study where she could continue doing her _actual_ work, but the wave of euphoric attraction coming out of Nathaniel hit her like a wall.

"Stop that!" Elissa said the words aloud, pressing her hands to her mouth when the crack in her voice betrayed the effect he'd already had on her.

_Block it out. If you can block this out, you can block out anything, and we have to learn to open and close the conduit if we're going to function with this connection on any level._

He was right, of course. Blasted, arrogant, prick of a man was intentionally toying with her senses – but he was right. She had no idea how she was going to manage it, though. It was impossible to focus on anything but sensation when it peaked like this.

_I can't… I can't get past it…_ She was reaching for her buttons again, intent on cutting off his visual so he could control himself and her by extension.

_You aren't even trying, Elissa. _He ignored the glare she leveled in his direction before she pressed her eyes closed and doubled her efforts to shut him out.

In her mind's eye she could see a pathway – a shimmering flux of energy that reached out from her and bridged in his direction. She focused on narrowing it and watched the aqueous mass collapsing inward until it pinched itself off and staunched the flow. It reached forward still, desiring nothing more than to reconnect to its other half, but for the moment she had staved it off and her mind was again her own.

When her eyes opened again she was smiling. "Could you see it?"

"I'm not sure what we see is exactly the same thing, but I got the idea of it – yes." Nathaniel smiled back at her, equally pleased with both the problem he had established and her ability to reach its solution. "I also felt it when you disconnected. It's an odd sort of… emptiness… for lack of a better word, but much preferable to the constant stream of emotions not my own that I was exposed to before."

"So you think this is possible? That we can learn to manage this to an extent that it would become useful in a strategic capacity?" Elissa seemed almost ecstatic at the possibility that something once no more than a nuisance could have applications of use not only to herself, but also to the Wardens in general.

"I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself at the moment, but ultimately, I see no reason we can't use this at least to our advantage." He chuckled, relaxed a bit now that she had moved past her irritation and started to open her mind to the possibility that this could be more blessing than curse. "It's going to take practice beyond today, of course."

"I'm not daft, Nathaniel." Her frustration returned just as quickly as it had abated, tipping her focus and reopening the conduit she had successfully closed. She huffed as his interest reasserted itself in her blood stream. "You really have no self control."

"Ten years is a long time, Elissa." The wink he tossed at her as he stood and made his way to the rear door boiled her blood. She focused in on narrowing off the passage again as she watched him walk away and fought against the urge to follow.

_Walking around in pants a size too small and having the nerve to call me out on a single missed button. Honestly, it's not like Wade hasn't had time to get proper measurements… I'm going to kill Zevran when I find him. I'd not be thinking like this if he hadn't been spying in the mines and opened his blasted mouth!_

The words rattled off in her mind before she even considered the consequences, focused as she was on ending the flow of his attraction where it tumbled over into and amplified her own. It was only when her eyes caught him staggering to a stop just inside the archway of the rear door that she realized what must have happened, only by then it was much too late to do anything about it.

"You've just heard that, haven't you?"

He didn't answer, didn't even turn in her direction, but the low rumble of his laughter as he disappeared down the hall and the nearly doubled flow coming through the conduit made it clear that he had.

* * *

><p>When Elissa finally rose to chart her course back to the unending piles of paper in need of either her signature or her attention, the halls were empty and silent. It was unusual enough at this hour that it should have screamed out to her in warning, but she was distracted by so many things that she simply pressed on through the passage lost to her own musings.<p>

She didn't see the hulking figure lingering in the shadows behind her door until it had already sprung forth and pinned her hard against the stone wall between her study windows. Violet eyes peered at her through the gap in his helm, and for a moment Elissa found herself heartbroken at the idea that her once-dear friend had come to kill her. Another quick flicker of her eyes up revealed that this kossith had horns, and thus could not be Sten, but this knowledge did little to relieve her current predicament.

She struggled against his massive forearm, feeling the last bits of breath filtering out of her body as she pressed nails to flesh in an attempt to draw more air into lungs now burning with oxygen deprivation. It was useless. She'd been caught too far off guard and had no hope of prying herself loose when the last of her strength was fading, if she'd had it initially against such a foe.

The world was going dark, and the idea of reaching out to Nathaniel only occurred to her when her mind had gone beyond its capacity to lend its focus in that direction. She was lost this time, and she knew it – the laughing figment of an afterthought flittering through her mind, wondering whom it was she'd managed to piss off this time.

And then, the darkness receded. As her eyes refocused themselves with her collapse to the floor, she watched the kossith's body convulsing in a pattern all too familiar to her eyes. Paralysis! But no, paralysis didn't result in constriction that twisted flesh and audibly snapped bones with such violence Elissa was forced to turn her face away as her attacker collapsed to the ground a bloody and broken remnant of what he had once been.

"Are you alright?" Jowan crouched at her side, tilting her face up far enough that he could get a look at the already bruising flesh of nearly crushed windpipe.

"Thanks to you." Her voice came out in a rasp but the sentiment was sincere, and Jowan colored slightly in the face of it. "And you did all that without the use of blood magic. Truly, you are a force to be reckoned with, Jowan."

"We shall see I suppose." It was all he could manage as he helped her to her feet, keeping silently anchored to her side as she retrieved her swords and peered down the hallway for any sign of the other forces that would have been necessary to infiltrate and launch such a successful assault against her.

"Did you see anyone else on your way here?"

"No one." Jowan replied, falling in behind her as she made her way to the only other room on the hall she knew to be occupied at the moment.

She could hear the sounds of a struggle from the outside of the door, and hesitated only long enough to assure herself that Jowan was ready before kicking it open and charging inside. Unlike her, Nathaniel had succeeded in gaining the upper hand on his opponent, and now had the much slighter figure pinned against his desk.

"Nathaniel!" She called out to him to announce her presence, and also to draw his eye long enough that she could feel safe in tossing over one of her blades. It only took another moment for him to effectively end the man's struggles.

He cleaned the blade on the fallen man's nondescript armor before returning it to her open hand. "Were you hurt?"

"Jowan's timely arrival saved me from the worst of it. What you see is nothing Anders can't heal with minimal effort once we find him." She stepped away from his investigative touch, encouraging him to retrieve his blades and bow so that they could continue to rid the Keep of the invasive forces.

"Who would attack you like this?" Jowan muttered. He was actively working to keep himself calm but Elissa could hear the minute fluctuations in his voice. "You don't think this is to do with me?"

"I doubt the Chantry would stoop so low as to hire mercenaries even if word of my most recent insurrection had managed to reach their ears already." Elissa patted his shoulder in reassurance, feeling him start to relax with the knowledge that whoever these men were, they hadn't come searching for him. "It's far more likely this is the latest batch of marauders seeking to claim the bounty on my head. You all just managed to get yourselves caught in the crossfire."

"If we survive this, we are going to have to take a very serious look at revamping your personal security." The glare Nathaniel leveled in her direction left no room for argument.

"Fine. If we survive this, you can head the initiative yourself." Elissa sighed, waving the two men to silence when the sounds in the common area up ahead proved some of the others were locked in battle.

Nathaniel moved forward at her side, dipping in behind her to gauge what they were up against. Oghren and Sigrun had taken down at least three men already, and Anders had two others locked in the wrenching throws of a paralysis glyph – but they were winded and outnumbered still. Velanna was wounded in a rear corner of the room, watched over by a vigilant Justice who could do little more than fend off anything launched in their direction.

"I'm going to assume your shadow skills go beyond what you've shown me thus far." Elissa muttered, arching an eyebrow up at him.

"I am more than capable of remaining undetected for as long as necessary if that's what you need to know." Nathaniel replied, popping loose his daggers and getting ready for whatever orders she was going to give.

"As am I." Zevran's voice startled all of them as he materialized from just beyond Elissa's shoulder, though only Jowan showed it. "The rest of the Keep is now clear. All the mercenaries who remain living are inside that room."

"Then let us go and see an end to that." Elissa smiled as she let loose her own blades, spouting off a quick list of orders before she faded into shadow and slid into the room.

With their combined forces it took little time to put the few drawing breath down on the ground with their companions. In the aftermath, Elissa was relieved to discover that, aside from Velanna, no one had suffered anything more than minor bruises and scratches. Even the irritable Dalish woman's wounds were mostly superficial, but that didn't keep her from milking every last bit of sympathy she could pry out of Nathaniel. She eventually insisted that he escort her back to her quarters so she could rest.

Elissa allowed it, far more intent on searching the bodies for anything of significance than intervening in the elf's latest pass in his direction. She issued instructions that she required _all_ of them to gather and address this latest intrusion in the throne room after their evening meal, then divided up all those uninjured and not required for escort duty to look for any sign of who could be behind all of this.


	28. Chapter 28: Smoke On the Horizon

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Muse Music: Smoke by Assemblage 23 and Into the Dark by Melissa Etheridge._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and my glorious betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Twenty-Eight: Smoke On the Horizon<strong>_

By the time Nathaniel pried himself loose from Velanna, having gotten her settled in her room, Elissa had all the Wardens and anyone of import among the Keep's populace gathered at the dais in the throne room. "I think we should have kept someone alive long enough to let any one of the exceptionally talented information gatherers among us have a go at prying anything useful out of them." she huffed, cleaning the edge of her nails with a small throwing dagger.

"Surely the Wardens have not become so saturated with assassins that you're actually considering _torture_ as a viable way to get results?" The look Varel leveled in her direction would have made her father proud, and though she pretended to be unaffected she did find herself slightly cowed in response.

"I would have _attempted_ to manage it with less painful methods at first, Varel. But I doubt marauders are likely to be willing to talk, regardless of what honey-dipped language falls from my lips." Elissa tucked the knife away, leaning forward to rub at her face in anxiety. "As is, we've found almost nothing of use."

"Almost nothing? So you've found something then?" Nathaniel's voice alerted her to his presence, and she waved Zevran forward with an annoyed twitch of her fingers.

The Assassin produced a small swatch of leather emblazoned with heraldry no one seemed to recognize, with the exception of the one person who would have seemed least likely to offer any beneficial information.

"Wait! I have seen this crest before." Mistress Woolsey parted the sea of bodies with her implacable stare, making her way forward to inspect it more closely. "Yes, this matches the merchant's description exactly. I'm sure of it."

"The merchant?" Elissa looked up to find that the silver haired madam had planted a hand firmly against her hip, arching a frustrated eyebrow up in response to her confused glance. "Please _do_ stop looking at me as though I should know what you're talking about and get on with it."

"One of the Merchant's Guild representatives came by the Keep several weeks ago seeking your assistance with the recovery of some goods. He claimed pirates forced his vessel aground near Anslem's Reef. I left a record of his claims along with a description of this crest on your desk so that…"

"And I'm certain it's still there on my desk somewhere beneath the thirty requests for help locating any number of things gone missing. I honestly don't know how people _do_ this job. It seems that most of Amaranthine's populace cannot find their asses without my having to draw a map for them." Elissa sighed long and loud, ignoring the chastising glances from those around her. "All but the Wardens are dismissed. I thank you for your assistance."

She leaned forward in the throne, elbows on knees and chin in hand as she toyed with the edges of the crested cloth at her fingertips. These puzzle pieces just weren't fitting together, and by all means they should. She'd certainly never had this much trouble tracking the people wanting to kill her in the past. Whoever this was, the unknown adversary was quite a bit better at hiding than anyone she'd previously encountered.

"Now they're sending pirates after you?" Anders' face was a mask of confusion, and Elissa knew she could do little to clear it away.

"I doubt whomever this is has actually gone off recruiting pirates. Most likely he just happened across them and sent them in our direction." Elissa pushed herself to standing, handing the torn patch of clothing back over to Zevran for safekeeping. "It does make sense of the Tal-Vashoth, though. Their presence dropped as the Blight waned, but if they're coming back in again it would be via the pirate trade. Any kossith down here for piracy wouldn't be likely to turn down the extra coin to be earned in coming after me."

"You don't think the Qunari are renewing their forces in Ferelden?" Nathaniel queried, not knowing enough about them to understand that the Tal-Vashoth were not a part of the _threat _about which he was inquiring.

"If this were a force of Qunari, we wouldn't have the time to stand here discussing whether or not they were renewing their forces." Elissa chuckled, remembering Sten's vow not to seek her out on the battlefield when that day inevitably came. "The Tal-Vashoth have abandoned the Qun, which makes them just as likely to be killed by the Qunari as they would by any of us."

"Regardless, we should head down to the coast and see if there is anything else worth finding." Nathaniel insisted, drawing an annoyed look out of Elissa in response.

"I was getting to that." She snipped, turning to address the group as a whole. "There is no need for all of us to go. A smaller group can travel faster, and there is also the possibility that another assault could be launched against the Keep. Zevran, Anders, and…"

"Surely you don't think I'm going to be…" Nathaniel interrupted.

"If you'd _let_ me finish…" Elissa glared him into silence, then cleared her throat and resumed. "Zevran, Anders and Nathaniel will accompany me to Anslem's Reef. The rest of you remain here at the Keep. Oghren, think you can take the helm while I'm gone?"

"Aye." The dwarf saluted her with a smile.

"Good. Those of you coming along gather your things and meet me at the stables. I'd like to get going as soon as possible."

The group dispersed to attend to their needs, giving Elissa the freedom to see to her own. She stopped by Cecile long enough to get her latest stack of mail, sighing when she spied what she was certain to be Fergus' latest attempt to guilt her into a return trip to Highever.

"Let it go, Brother." Elissa sighed, tossing the stack to her desk unopened and moving to pack her things.

* * *

><p>The ride down to the coast was quick and silent. It was a refreshing change for all those along for this journey to travel without the constant need to stop and address someone's issues or complaints. Nathaniel was still cross with Elissa as they dismounted near the expanse of beach that lay littered with pieces of the wrecked ship and any salvageable cargo the pirates had pulled ashore.<p>

"I wasn't instigating a fight, Nathaniel. I was simply inquiring as to Velanna's security before I stole you away from your nursemaid duties." Elissa chuckled silently as she anchored her horse next to his.

Zevran and Anders had already moved off down the left side of the beach in search of any clue to whom these men might have answered. They'd been witness to the initial argument between the two volatile Wardens and had no desire to watch the follow up.

"You were prodding at my temper then, just as you're prodding at it now." Nathaniel huffed, patting Nocturne on the flank one last time before heading down the right strand of sand.

"I'm not prodding at your…" Elissa sighed, stopping to fumble through some barrels for anything useful. "Do you not find it curious she required so much of your attention following our little scuffle?"

"She was injured, Elissa. She asked for my assistance in reaching her quarters and getting settled. What would you have had me do?"

"She got a scratch on her leg which barely even bled. A scratch she never would have gotten if she could be bothered to wear some bloody pants." Elissa snorted, flicking her fingers across her nose and moving forward to the next set of wreckage. "I've fought an ogre with one arm out of socket, and both of us managed to keep going in the silverite mines after being mauled by that dragon."

"Velanna is not able to tolerate the sort of abuse you and I are capable of bearing." Nathaniel wasn't even looking at her any longer, hoping that his inattentiveness would relay his desire to end the conversation.

"Velanna is not able to tolerate the sort of abuse Ser Pounce-A-Lot is capable of bearing." Elissa watched her barb fall on apparently deaf ears, as Nathaniel had no physical or audible response to it. "Know what I think?"

"No, but I'm certain you're about to tell me." The irritation in his voice was reaching dangerous levels, but Elissa ignored it and pressed on regardless.

"I think she was hoping that if she flashed her wounded pout and a bit more of her… décolletage… in your direction that you'd settle in that bed _with_ her rather than coming along with me on this little beachside expedition."

When Nathaniel's head finally turned back in her direction the annoyance melted away, replaced by an all too knowing smile. Suddenly it was Elissa wishing for the conversation to end.

"You're jealous. That's what all this is about, isn't it?" He leaned against one of the barrels at his side, continuing to smile at her as she fumbled for the words to deny him.

"Zevran's found something you two might want to have a look at." Anders was a bit winded as he jogged over to them, but Elissa had never been so happy for interruption. "If you can stop arguing long enough to come and see it."

Anders ignored the self-satisfied gaze The Archer left pinned to Elissa's back as they walked to meet up with The Assassin. He didn't know what they could have been discussing that would have shifted the balance in Nathaniel's favor so quickly, and he doubted he wanted to.

"This looks like a tavern marker, but I don't recognize the signature." Elissa muttered, running a thumb across it again as though clearing a bit more dirt would somehow make the symbol more familiar to her.

"I do." Elissa swung her head in Nathaniel's direction, curling her fingers away from his as he reached to take the wooden token for closer inspection. "It's from a place called The Shadow and Mercenary."

"Seriously?" Anders barked out a laugh, pleased to see Elissa smiling again with the sound of it. "They may as well have put up a sign touting swords for hire."

"The people who go there are long past the point of caring who knows what it is they've gone in search of." Nathaniel admitted, holding first Zevran and then Elissa's eyes as he tossed their evidence casually into the air only to snatch it back soon after. "If our mystery benefactor is recruiting from establishments like this, it is too dangerous for you to go there in person."

"Going there in person is _exactly_ what I need to do!" Elissa hissed, taking a step or two forward as her temper rose. "I'll not be frightened by ghosts, Nathaniel! Whoever this is needs to be made aware of that."

"There is a difference between bravery and pigheadedness, Elissa." Nathaniel's assertion was calm, but Elissa's response to it was not, and Anders had to wrap himself around her arms to keep her from taking a swing.

"I must agree with our Hentes Fia this time, my Warden." Elissa's eyes flashed again as she turned to look in Zevran's direction. "I do not doubt your prowess, my darling, I merely fear that drawing you into a venue of such ill repute might be exactly what this ghost is hoping for."

"Fine." Elissa tugged herself free from Anders grip, glaring back at the three men with annoyance as she made her way back to the horses. "Take Anders along. If you get into trouble, I'd rather you had a healer."

"I don't think that will be…" Nathaniel started, silencing when Elissa spun back in their direction.

"_That_ was not a request." She watched them long enough to see that her orders would now be followed without question before turning back to the horses. "I'll book rooms at the Crown & Lion and wait for you there."

* * *

><p>When Nathaniel and Anders returned to the inn, Elissa had long been settled at the table near the fire where she sat staring into the flames. Both men doubted the mug she held in her hand belonged to her first ale of the evening.<p>

"Don't tell me you've managed to lose Zevran?" Elissa didn't in any way acknowledge them beyond those words, instead taking another pull from her ale.

"He had hope that a couple of trails might reveal some information beyond what we've gathered and is off seeing to those now." Nathaniel replied, sitting down across from her to force her eye in his direction.

"Were you able to find anything?"

"The gentleman who hired the pirates was likely a second or even third party to the whomever is calling the shots. We followed the trail from the mercenaries back to the man in question only to discover another string of corpses." Elissa didn't seem at all surprised by this information, merely nodding her head to prod Nathaniel to continue. "I don't now who is behind this, but they are willing to sacrifice anyone necessary to stay hidden from your gaze. We need to speak about establishing a proper security detail for you…"

"Not tonight." Elissa turned back to the fire.

"Then when, Elissa? When will you find it convenient to see to your own protection?" Nathaniel was furious.

"Go and see your sister, Nathaniel. We can't leave until morning and I have no idea when next we will have the leisure necessary for me to permit you leave." She sighed when he did not move and turned back to him once more. "I do not desire your company nor your conversation and I'd wager that Delilah would be grateful for both. Now leave me."

"I'll stay with her." Anders offered, sharing an appreciative nod with The Archer before he finally rose and exited the bar.

Elissa finished off the last of her mug, signaling the barmaid to bring another and turning her gaze off into the dancing flames once again. Anders sighed as he settled into the seat beside her.

"Is this really who you want to be?"

Elissa started to laugh, but it was humorless. "Tell me, Anders… who is it you think I am beyond what you see in front of you?"

"I'm pretty sure I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of that yet." Anders replied, watching her shake her head as she took the new mug from the barmaid and turned back to her vigil. "But what I have seen tells me it's a woman far better than the one attempting to drown herself in watered-down swill rather than spend even one second wondering why she might feel the compulsion to drink in the first place."

Her hand darted out and grabbed the barmaid's arm before she could fully make her retreat, and it was then that Anders saw in her face just how wrong he'd been to press her in her current state.

"Go ahead and send two or three bottles of your strongest up to my room, would you love? I think I'm done here for the night." Elissa held Anders' eyes as she tossed back the last of her mug and released the barmaid.

There were no words as she stood and made her way out of the bar, and no improvement in that regard once they took to the road in the morning. The only thing that broke the silence was the mumbled string of curses from Elissa when the gates of the Keep finally came back into view. The heraldry of house Theirin was easily recognizable in the banners peeking over the wall, but there was a second set of flags mixed in among them, bearing the laurel crest most familiar to both Elissa and Nathaniel.

"Fergus is here."


	29. Chapter 29: The Most Derisive Voice

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** As if Elissa needed any more complications in her life._

_Antivan Translation: Red Cocoon_

_Muse Music: Cocoon by Assemblage 23 and Can't Breathe by Leona Lewis_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers, and to my wonderful betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Most Derisive Voice<strong>_

Elissa's mind was racing; the men who watched her could see it. As she dismounted and handed her reins over to one of the stable boys, she was formulating plans and pacing trial runs of conversations, none of which seemed to meet with her approval if the look in her eyes was any indication.

Fergus Cousland was an unknown quantity to almost everyone. Few of them had even met the man and Elissa rarely ever spoke of him. His name, his face, his very existence was too closely tied to the trauma of her past. So, as thankful as she was to have discovered him alive in the wake of the Blight, she was content to keep him at arms' length where she didn't have to think too hard about what she saw every time she looked at his face. But none of these things explained why everyone else seemed so anxious to return and find him in attendance with The King.

"You need to go." Elissa stopped Nathaniel just inside the stable doors. "You used to scale these walls as a child, I'm sure you're more than capable of doing that now."

"I'm not sending you out there to face this alone. You and I both know…"

"This isn't a social call, Nathaniel. Whatever he and Alistair have planned won't end well for anyone involved." Elissa shook off his assertion and begged him to go again. "Please, for your own good, I am asking you to stay out of sight until I can get a read on them."

He nodded, sharing one more gaze with her before jogging off into the trees at the right of the Keep's outer wall.

"Did you know about this?" There was a threat in Elissa's eyes as she spun on The Assassin, though no gesture was made to enforce it.

"The Wolf did make me aware of the increase in communications between The King and The Teyrn, but I did not know they had planned a visit."

Elissa watched him for a few moments longer until she was satisfied he was telling the truth and then turned herself back toward the main gates.

"This _could_ just be a visit, right? I mean, we don't know why he's come." Anders could see the stage being set for disaster but found that he was powerless to stop it.

"No… If I know my brother - and I do - he's come for one thing and one thing only… Nathaniel." Elissa drew in another long breath, trying to settle her nerves and shove anything she might have been feeling down beneath the mask of the Warden-Commander.

* * *

><p>The smile on Elissa's face was almost convincing as she swept into the lower courtyard with Anders and Zevran in tow. She stopped and hugged her brother, brushing a quick kiss across his cheek and fighting to conceal the glare she knew she'd leveled in Alistair's direction before he caught sight of it.<p>

"Fergus! What a… wonderful… surprise. I wish you'd told me you were coming. I'd have prepared a proper welcome." Elissa fought to keep her smile in place as Fergus' eyes passed over Zevran and then Anders; clearly annoyed not to find the one face he'd been looking for.

"Dear Sister, if you'd read any one of the missives I've sent over the past few weeks you'd have known this visit was long in the works. Someone has to come and make sure you're kept in line, and as you seem reluctant to allow your king to do it, who better than one who shares your blood?" Fergus threw the falsehood of her smile back in her face, but only for a moment before the look he gave her wiped both of them away. "Now stop stalling and cough him up."

"I don't know who you're…"

"Nathaniel Howe! Where is he?" Fergus leaned forward and yelled in her face, his temper coloring his pale cheeks like wildfire.

"I'm here." Nathaniel's voice was completely calm as he made his presence known.

Elissa's eyes pressed shut at the sound of The Archer's voice and she wished again that for once, just once, he'd taken a bloody order. It was painful for all of them to see nothing but betrayal or hatred in the eyes of those who had once been the very closest of friends.

"I should have crossed the Waking Sea years ago and ended you for breaking my sister the first time." Fergus hissed, stalking closer to his former friend. "But I'll be damned to the Void before I let you poison her again."

"None of that was real, Fergus. It was all part of the plan orchestrated by his father." Elissa insisted, maneuvering herself closer to the pair of them slowly so she wouldn't draw suspicion. "Nathaniel had nothing to do with this. It was all Rendon. Nathaniel didn't even come back from the-"

"Nathaniel has been in Ferelden all along, Elissa." Alistair's voice chimed in, drawing out the full force of Elissa's glare. "Neither of you have ever come out and said so directly, but there's enough you didn't gloss over to paint a pretty clear picture. Turns out I'm not nearly so thick as you've allowed yourself to believe."

The look Elissa gave him in response to those words was toxic, and he had to fight to keep his composure. He'd pay for this later; there was no way out of it now.

"_Regardless_, he had nothing to do with what happened in Highever. Nathaniel is not his father, Fergus. You know that, you just have to remember-"

"Will you _ever_ stop defending him?" Fergus' laughter was bitter as he turned his eyes from the man once more brother than friend back onto his sister. "Will you ever stop putting aside your own life in your quest to bind yourself to someone who does not deserve you?"

"Bind..?" Her eyes flicked over to Alistair again and she suddenly understood just how dangerous this situation had become.

"I know what you've been doing little sister, and I can't let it continue. I'll not let you taint the Cousland bloodline with this filth. You'll marry Alistair and do your duty to your country and your king." Fergus mimicked his father's authoritative voice as far as he could, hoping that would be enough to sway his stubborn sister. "It's time to bury this obsession with Nathaniel Howe, and if it takes me putting the man physically in the ground to have you do it, I am prepared to make that sacrifice."

"If the Cousland bloodline is to continue, Fergus, it will have to be through you." Elissa was laughing, but unamused. "I can see that Alistair did not tell you the full truth of things, which is unsurprising."

Alistair had pulled no punches in bringing Fergus down on her, and that stung more than she had ever believed possible. Her nerves already raw from their previous battle, Elissa found it impossible to soften her blows even slightly in response. If it was cruelty he expected from her, then she would certainly deliver.

"What are you saying?" Her brother narrowed his eyes in her direction.

"Whether with Alistair or Nathaniel, no Cousland heirs will come from this body." Elissa continued, her lips curving into a bitter smile. "I'm barren."

"Is this true?" Fergus spun on Alistair, fury continuing to climb.

"Oh it's true." Elissa assured him, folding her arms across her chest. "If you've come here to see to the purity of our bloodline and plant a nice little Cousland heir on the throne, then I'm afraid your trip's been wasted."

Elissa wasn't even trying to hide her bitter laughter now, simply allowing it to rumble through her body. She realized almost too late this had prodded her brother to take further action.

"Then I'll have to settle for justice." Fergus' sword was out and leveled at Nathaniel so fast almost no one saw it coming. But Elissa used her knowledge of the famed Cousland temper to anticipate his response and move faster.

The lyrium infused steel of her blade flickered to life with her temper and the sound of her brother's blocked blow echoed across the courtyard. "This is not justice, Fergus. It's something far, far more bitter. Trust me. I know."

"Step aside, Elissa. If you will not do so for your brother then I shall _order_ you as your teyrn."

"Oh, Alistair." Elissa shook her head, sliding loose her other sword when it became clear that Fergus would not concede. "Why have you allowed my brother to come in here so woefully unprepared?"

"Back down, _Arlessa_." Fergus hissed, pressing his sword against hers one last time before pacing to the side to gain momentum.

"Your rank is meaningless here, _my teyrn_. Even the king cannot force me into line here in Vigil's Keep. You're in my world now. I am Warden-Commander of Ferelden and here within _these_ walls, my word is law. You have no power over me. Nor does your king."

It was the last straw, the last button she could push, and with those words Fergus was lost to his fury. Elissa shoved Nathaniel back hard, meeting Zevran's eyes long enough to make it clear he was to keep everyone out of the way before turning to block the next swing of her brother's sword.

Fergus had always been a talented swordsman, but he was angry and unfocused and that gave Elissa the advantage. She used the heft of his swings to manipulate his motion, corralling him further and further away from anyone else who could inadvertently come to harm.

"Don't do this, Fergus. Don't let hatred eat you away inside. You are better than this." Elissa insisted, darting out of range again and infuriating him all the more.

"There you go running away again." Fergus spat back, pushing forward after her. "Stand and fight, Elissa. If you are so certain you're in the right here, then fight for it!"

"I don't want to hurt you." Two more glancing blows sent her dancing around him again, darting beyond two more pillars into an open area between several of the outbuildings.

"You already have, Sister… you already have…" Fergus was swinging harder now, pulling no punches, seeking to draw her blood.

"Is that what you think? That I've intentionally sought to do you harm?" Elissa was even more furious now, that he could even think her capable of such disregard. "_Everything_ I've done has been for your protection, Fergus. You're all I have left! You're-"

"_My protection_! You expect me to believe you've hidden your lover away for my bloody protection?" Her fading focus allowed Fergus to wrench away her control, the brutal strength of his last blow rattling one of her blades loose and out of reach. She couldn't block his next swing in time to keep him from cutting into her leg.

The pain made her drop the other blade, simply holding Fergus' eyes and allowing him to fully appreciate the gravity of this place they'd come to. "Claim my head then, Fergus. Spill more of my blood if you think that will make you feel better – but do not be surprised when the aftermath of this action leaves you even emptier inside. Vengeance cannot heal you; it can only make you more the monster. Look at me, Fergus! Look at what I've become! Is this who you want to be?"

He stood for a moment longer with his sister pinned beneath his blade; shaking with fury and looking more lost than he ever had before. For a moment Elissa feared he really would end her, if only to save himself from the look of accusation reflected in her eyes. She saw it when he broke, allowing his sword arm to fall limp as he turned and walked away.

She watched the crowd gathered at the archway leading back into the lower courtyard part to allow his passage, and turned away from their concern to limp inside in search of something to numb the pain – a pain which had nothing at all to do with the newest scar carved into her body.

The bottles of alcohol in her room wouldn't be enough, not to erase this, but it was a start. She uncorked one and took a long pull, sitting it down only long enough to pull out and finish off what remained in the rust-colored vial from her sleeve. She was long past caring who knew or if she survived consuming that much of it.

"I can heal that." Anders had followed her into the master suite, which meant the others weren't likely to be far behind.

"If it makes you feel better." She took another long pull from the bottle in her hand, refusing to sit or alter her posture in any way, thus making Anders work twice as hard to heal her.

Beyond his shoulder, Alistair, Zevran and Nathaniel had made their way into her space making it even harder for her to breathe.

"So, Alistair… did this all work out according to what I'm sure was _your_ brilliant plan?" Elissa drank again, forcing her face to sketch out the imitation of a smile.

"I just thought maybe Fergus could reason with you. I didn't think it would come to blows," Alistair insisted, making his way over to her side and noting the gash in her armor, though Anders had mended the skin and the muscle beneath.

"You brought my brother here thinking to lay claim to one of my Wardens and you didn't think it would come to blows?" Elissa sneered, glaring at him. "For someone who claims not to be thick, you certainly make the most asinine decisions."

"I know you're angry, Elissa… but I think that we-"

"I _think _that we are done, Alistair. I _think_ that you should go and collect my brother and your knights and get the fuck out of my Keep. And, I _think_ that neither of you should return nor seek to contact me until such a time as I decide I wish for it." She turned away from him and paced over to the window, taking another long pull from the bottle in her hand.

"You don't mean that." Alistair asserted, starting to move forward but freezing in place when she screamed and tossed the half full bottle at the wall beyond his head.

"I mean it! I am tired of this! I am tired of _all_ of this!" Elissa was enraged, and all of the men in her company scrambled for some way to diffuse her. "I'm tired of fighting with everyone all the time. I'm tired of trying to live up to these impossible expectations everyone has of me. I'm tired of babysitting an entire fucking nation! Stop chasing after me. Stop worrying what I'm doing. Just stop! You're the bloody king, Alistair! It's time to grow up and start acting like one!"

"What's gotten into you?" Her words stung, but Alistair could hear her speech slurring and see the slight glaze to her eyes. He took a few more steps forward and pried open her fingers to reveal yet another secret. "What is this?"

He shook it in her direction, but she offered him nothing, and so he turned to the others in the room. Zevran wouldn't meet his eyes and he couldn't bring himself to seek aid from Nathaniel, so he tossed the rust-colored glass over into Anders' hands.

He popped loose the cap and breathed in the scent of it, glazing a small amount on his finger to taste and be certain. "There's lyrium in here, and deathroot… but that's all that I recognize."

"The rest will be a colorant derived from Red Amaranth. The locals use it to give the drug its unique signature – but most would know it as Bozzoli Rossa." Nathaniel explained, both accusation and fear in the look he gave Elissa. He'd had no idea just how far she'd been willing to go.

"An opiate? You've been supplying her with an opiate?" Alistair was yelling when he turned his eyes to The Assassin, and Zevran offered up no argument in his defense. "Elissa, this has gone too far. You've got to stop. You need to free yourself from these addictions. You need to…"

"I _need_ for people to stop bloody telling me what to do!" Elissa yelled, distancing herself from Alistair again. "I _need_ for them to listen to my orders for once! Now get out! Go collect my brother and get on your fucking way!"

"You're not thinking clearly, Elissa. You'll be sorry tomorrow when…"

"I _am_ thinking clearly, Alistair. For the first time in a long time I'm thinking of myself and what I need instead of what you need or what Ferelden needs or what…" She pushed her fingers up into her hair and screamed again. "I'm done. I'm done with it all. I'm done with being your queen. I'm done with being Nathaniel's memory. I'm done with being the savior of the bloody world. I quit."

"You can't _quit_." Alistair was frantic, attempting to block her path when she made it obvious she was going to run again.

"I just did. Find someone else to clean this up, because I've had enough of it." She pushed past him and dashed off down the hall, leaving those remaining to stand in stunned silence.

"You can't just let her run off like that." Anders insisted, turning his eyes first to Alistair, then to Nathaniel. "She's completely broken down! You've _both_ seen to that!"

Still they stood, motionless and silent. "Both of you claim to love her, and yet neither of you will go after her when she needs you most?" Anders was livid, glaring at each of them in turn and finally turning to find The Assassin. "Not even you? She trusts you to be there when she calls and you can't find it in yourself to come now?"

"I can't go." Alistair spoke up finally, his voice breaking. "She's gone somewhere now I cannot follow."

"I think she's made it fairly clear that she has no desire to hear from me." Nathaniel offered, his own jaw tensing with emotions he fought to conceal.

Zevran said nothing, but it was clear he wouldn't follow either.

"You're cowards. All of you." Anders hissed, eyes narrowed as he strode to the door. "Where would she go? Is there anywhere on the grounds she'd consider sacred?"

"The cliffs." It pained Nathaniel to think of it, but he knew it was true. "If she's stayed close by, that's where she'll be."

* * *

><p>Anders followed Nathaniel's advice, pressing forward through the forest in the direction of the coast. The path to the cliff side retreat was overgrown and difficult to follow at times, but it was there.<p>

He was relieved to hear the sound of crashing waves as he moved into the last expanse of thinning trees, but that relief dissolved as soon as he saw her. She stood perched on a large rock, stripped down to her underthings. The moonlight set her tattoo alight and it combined with the long red curls of her hair to make Anders believe for just a moment she had literally caught fire.

"Elissa?" He called out to her, but she did not turn to acknowledge him. He approached her slowly, now wary of the blade dangling at her fingertips.

"So you're the one who's drawn the short straw." The short huff of insincere laughter burst out of her, and the arm holding the dagger curled up toward her head.

"I didn't come here to watch you physically tear yourself apart," Anders warned, pulling the magic required for an immobilization spell into his hands should he need it.

"You seem awfully confident you'd be able to get that off before I put you down."

"Probably not, but you have to know I'd try." Anders watched her inspecting him and hoped the lack of darkness in her eyes meant she was still somewhat in control.

"You won't have to." Elissa assured him, following through with her original motion and cutting loose a large chunk of her hair. She held it up briefly for him to inspect before tossing it into the wind and hacking at another. "I realized something tonight, Anders. Do you know what that is?"

"That you're very, very cross with your… hair?" Anders allowed himself a small smile when she chuckled in response.

"I have been trying to live out the lives of the dead for far too long." Her response was cryptic, and Anders held her eyes long enough to make it clear she was going to have to explain. "The girl Fergus came looking for died in Highever Castle along with her parents and the rest of her family. And the woman Alistair came after died atop Fort Drakon a few months later. I've been trying to force myself to breathe life back into them because it's what other people needed, but they're dead and gone and nothing I do will bring them back. It's time to lay them to rest once and for all."

The last bits of her hair fell free from her fingers, carried away by the wind over the edge of the cliffs and into the water below. She flicked the blade into the soft ground at her feet and turned to smile at Anders for the first time since he'd found her, and he was shocked to see it was genuine.

"There's only one problem. Now that they're gone, now that I've let go and made my peace with it, I have no idea who it is that remains." The smile was fading just as quickly as it had come, and Anders watched her turn to face the sea again. "There is just as much darkness as light. There is pain and sorrow and anger… and not so very much beyond that not held hostage by duty and obligation."

"There is more light than you see, Elissa. There is so much more inside your heart than you seem willing to recognize. If you let me, I can show you."

"Can you?" She'd turned back to him now, her eyes cutting away the layers to find the truth underneath. Whatever she saw there satisfied her for the moment, turning her focus back to the horizon. "You should probably start stripping then, if you plan to come along."

"I'm sorry?" Anders nearly choked at what he thought she was suggesting, but she tilted her head toward the water indicating to what she actually referred.

She wouldn't wait long, he knew that, and so he made his decision quickly – thankful he'd finally made the transition to wearing small clothes under his robes. A few moments later he stood at her side, lacing his fingers into hers and stepping over the edge to free fall into the dark water below.

Unlike Nathaniel, Anders did not hesitate. Unlike Nathaniel, Anders did not lose her as they hit the water. When she surfaced he was at her side just as he'd been the whole way down, releasing her hand only to swim with her to the shore.

She settled into the curved shelf of smooth stone she'd sat on with Nathaniel so many years ago, and felt the motion when Anders sat at her side. He didn't reach over to reclaim her hand, instead giving her the time to attempt to process her racing thoughts.

"I used to come here with Nathaniel, years ago… long before, well, _everything_ really. Things were good then. I could come to him with anything. We would talk for hours." She let out her breath in a long sigh, focusing her eyes on some distant spot far out across the Waking Sea. "But even with all that, the only other time I jumped off that cliff I had to drag him kicking and screaming behind me."

She turned to focus her penetrating gaze in on him again, and he fought against his urge to turn away from it. "But not you. You came willingly, even though a part of you wondered if I'd gone mad, even though a part of you was sure I'd dash us both on the rocks below. I need to know why. Why do you care, Anders? Why does it matter to you what I think of myself in the end?"

Droplets of water made their way out of her hair and down her nose to bead on her lips, much like other droplets settled in the dip of her cleavage where her chest peeked out of the water. He was struck by an overpowering urge to kiss her. It was an urge he'd had before, but always managed to push aside for one reason or another. This time, he chose not to, instead leaning forward to take her lips against his own.

He put everything he felt into the gesture, everything he thought, the first burst of genuine emotion he'd felt in longer than he could remember – and prayed to the Maker that she would understand. That she would see what it was he was fighting so hard to help her redeem.

When he pulled away her eyes were wide in surprise, and she was frozen. She stared at him in silence, struggling to understand what had just happened.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

Her hand broke through the water, pressing a long finger against his lips as she shifted closer to him – and he watched something new catch fire behind her emerald irises, something he'd never seen before, something she had only now come to recognize. And then she was kissing him back, her fingers winding into his hair as she gave herself over to it fully. He didn't hold back any longer once he knew she felt it too, giving himself over to every impulse he'd fought away, every thought he'd silenced, every emotion he'd suffocated and tried to deny.

When they broke apart minutes later, she was smiling, and settled in at his side to watch a long arc of electricity break free from the gathering clouds on the horizon and dip down to touch the water.

"Looks like there's a storm coming. We should go before we're caught in it."

"It's far too late for that." She replied, tugging him into motion behind her as she climbed out of the water.

* * *

><p>When they finally made their way back to the Keep, Nathaniel was waiting for them, and charged forward immediately to intercept Elissa's attempts to enter the front gates without speaking to him.<p>

He started to call out to her, but found himself stumbling backward to land against the stone wall near Wade's forge. Once he'd recovered, he turned his stupefied gaze in Anders' direction. "Did you just cast on me?"

"It didn't hurt you." The Mage replied, pulling his hand down from his forehead. "It was just meant to stun."

"Cast on me again and what I do in response _won't_ be, I can assure you." Nathaniel's voice was threatening as he turned to dash after Elissa again, watching her disappear up the stairs beyond the front gate.

"She wants to be left alone."

"You said yourself she needs someone to help her through this." Nathaniel insisted, continuing in his pursuit.

"She has someone." Anders watched his steps stutter to a stop, and then the slow turn of the man's much larger body in his direction.

Nathaniel inspected the mage closely, wondering how he could possibly have missed it before. "You're in love with her."

"Yes." There was no need to deny it, not any longer.

"Good luck with that." Nathaniel snorted, breaking off in the opposite direction.

Anders knew better than to assume that was anything more than poorly veiled threat.


	30. Chapter 30: Falling Apart to Get Back Up

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Got a lot of backlash from those frustrated with Elissa and the Nathanielites out there after the last chapter! Apologies in advance for making him suffer so much man!pain. Here's hoping you guys can stick it out and see that the man is never really down and out. :)_

_Muse Music: I Got You by Leona Lewis and Alibi by 30 Seconds to Mars._

_Thanks to my readers, followers, and reviewers (even the ones shaking their fists in righteous fury). And kudos as always to my ladies beta **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Thirty: Falling Apart to Get Back Up Again<strong>_

"Things were good… for awhile. They were really, _really_ good. She needed something, and somehow I was the one that could give it to her." Anders leaned against the back wall of my private suite at the Hanged Man and stared at the floor.

It was rare to hear The Mage speak of his more… intimate… relationship with The Hero. In all honesty, I rarely heard him speak of her at all unless he was reminding all of us – again – that no matter how pretty the package; inside she was dark and twisted, and the very definition of evil incarnate.

To hear the man acknowledge that they had been happy for any amount of time, no matter how fleeting, was a surprise. The realization that he was admitting this without my having to pry it loose with alcohol and the appropriate amount of insinuated sympathy… that had me wondering if he wasn't still human somewhere in there after all.

* * *

><p>Elissa left word with the kitchen staff that all Wardens should be directed down to the sparring rings following their morning meals wearing something comfortable enough for light training drills. She was already there when the others started to arrive, dancing around the central ring with The Assassin in a workout of her own.<p>

The curls of her hair were far more pronounced at the much shorter length, and she'd been forced to work the roots through with some sort of wax just to keep them out of her face. One popped loose as she dropped out of her routine and turned to address the group, and Anders tried not to laugh as he watched her tuck it back in place with a poorly hidden look of annoyance.

"Yes, Anders, I've learned that lopping off one's hair with a blade is a rather rash decision. I have now learned my lesson, no lectures required." She offered him a half smile, and ignored the glare Nathaniel leveled in his direction with the sight of it. "Now, as all of you know, we were caught with our pants down a few nights ago by a group of bloody pirates of all things. That such a thing was possible is a failing on my part. The Keep as a whole is not as prepared as it should be. We, as Wardens, are not as prepared as we should be."

She motioned Oghren forward to the unoccupied space at her right side, and paced slowly between the dwarf and the elf as she continued with her explanation. "This time, they came for me – but that will not always be the case. The Orlesian Wardens who were stationed her prior to my arrival were caught unaware by the darkspawn, and they paid dearly for their oversights. That will not happen to us; it cannot. All of you are powerful, some of you much more so than you yet understand." Her eyes passed over Jowan, who blushed and looked away. "But we have to be stronger. We have to make ourselves a force to be reckoned with."

Elissa motioned Justice forward to stand with Oghren, and sent Nathaniel and Sigrun over to Zevran. "To start, I need to get a complete gauge of your skills. This means no holding back, _Nathaniel_. I assure you, Zevran is more than capable of holding his own."

The Archer rolled his eyes at her before turning to follow his group to the far right ring, while Oghren moved his charge off to the far left ring, leaving Elissa with the mages in the center.

"How is it you plan to train mages when you haven't the smallest bit of magical inclination?" Velanna snipped, arms folded across her bosom in her usual aggressive stance.

"I have no plans to train you. I simply wish to observe. You are all far more capable of training one another than I shall ever be." Elissa replied, refusing to allow the elf to get under her skin this time. "I do, however, have gifts. Jowan, come with me for a moment if you would."

She set Anders and Velanna to work sparring against one another, and drew Jowan to the side, perching on the fence rail and beckoning that he should sit next to her.

"Aside from blood magic, what would you say is your strongest school?" Elissa asked, watching the man cringe at even a passing mention of his former crimes. "This is not an accusation, Jowan. I don't know what you can do, aside from crushing large marauders to death, of course."

Jowan chuckled softly, and Elissa could see that he was relaxing now that the fear of being chastised had been lifted. "The school I've developed most extensively is Entropy. Mostly hexes, holds and curses… nothing all that flashy."

"Then this should be a perfect addition." Elissa handed over the large tome she'd purchased from Master Henley in Amaranthine.

"This is a book on Keeper magic!" Jowan dropped his voice to a whisper, eyes darting over to where Velanna stood hurling a string of insults at Anders after having been jolted in the rear by a stray bolt of electricity. "Do you really think I can manage this? Keepers are born into this life. They train for years to master it."

"I think you are capable of managing anything you set your mind to, Jowan. If you want to learn this, you will. I have no doubt of that." She smiled and patted him on the back. "For now, go run your curses with Velanna and send Anders to see me. Oh, and if you happen to practice a curse for, say… loss of hair… then so much the better."

Jowan looked as though he was unsure what to make of that suggestion as he jogged away, and Anders' brow was furrowed when he finally made it over to her perch.

"Well he looked slightly vexed." Anders said, taking a seat beside her. "What did you give him?"

"A book on Keeper magic."

"That would do it." Anders chuckled, watching Velanna start yelling again when Jowan's fireball singed the edge of her leggings.

In the wake of last night's kisses, neither of them had been certain how to behave, so Anders felt any number of things when she reached over to take his hand. "Come along."

She tugged at him as she pushed off her perch, leading them out of the sparring area and back into the Keep. He swallowed when she directed him into a nearly empty storage room and shut the door behind them.

"There was a time when I'd have been able to come up with some pithy one liner about you ravishing me in a closet…" Anders started, words trailing off when the sultry rumble of her laugh ran a chill up his spine. "…But I find myself oddly lacking in the pith department at the moment."

"That wasn't a part of my original plan, but… I suppose those plans could be altered if you had something particular on your mind." The smile she gave him when she turned back hinted at any number of things, and he found his heart racing as he walked over to sit on the crate she patted. "Honestly though, I only brought you in here because your gifts required a more private setting. Unless you fancy changing in front of everyone?"

"Changing?" Anders' brow furrowed as he glanced down at his robes. They were practically new and certainly didn't need replacing.

She produced a stack of linen clothing and leather armor, passing it over into his hands. He could feel the garments' enchantments humming in his blood as he inspected them. "I had the enchantments tailored specifically to suit your talents. They will work just as well as your robes and offer you quite a bit more protection."

"Protection? Why would I need more protection?"

"Have you ever heard tell of the arcane warriors?" Elissa asked, producing two worn tomes from a nearby crate.

"Battlemages! You intend to hand me a sword and have me stab at things?" Anders laughed, thumbing through the books and trying to follow her train of thought.

"Not exactly, but we'll get to that part. For now, why don't you get changed?" She was smiling when he looked up at her, but turned to avert her eyes and allow him some privacy. "Let me know if you have problems with the buckles and I'll help."

Minutes ticked past, and Elissa listened to the rustling of clothing and clink of buckles as Anders settled himself into his new armor. The softly muttered curses told her of the difficulties he was having, but the boundaries of this new relationship were so fragile and untested, she knew better than to offer help until it was requested.

"Alright, I admit defeat." He could see she was fighting against her laughter as she strolled in his direction, her fingers working the clasps he had fought so hard into quick submission. "I don't know how you make that look so easy."

"As many years practice as I have, I could buckle and unbuckle leathers in my sleep, I'd wager." She traced her fingers across his ribs and abdomen appreciatively as she backed away, offering him another subtle smile. "Wade did well in choosing those colors. I'll have to thank him later."

"Wade built this?" Anders looked down at the deep greens and bronze that now covered his body and had to admit, he did look good.

"Wade has an eye for detail far superior to my own." Elissa chuckled, taking Anders' hand and dragging him along behind her once again.

"If we're going to be doing any sparring, I'll need my staff, Elissa. Fancy new armor or not, the spells will be far too weak to be any good to you if I can't channel them through something."

"That's taken care of." Elissa assured him, moving them back out into the sparring arena once again and ducking back into a corner to retrieve her final gift.

The staff was exquisite; fashioned from solid onyx with a ruby gilded skull imbedded in one end and fitted with a large wicked looking blade on the other. She twirled it around in her hands several times before driving it into a nearby training dummy hard enough to push clear through.

"Let's put that swordsman's build to use, shall we?" Elissa pulled the blade free and tossed the weapon over to its new owner, retrieving a staff of her own to use for sparring.

Anders smiled and pulled a quick bolt of electricity to life, arcing it out into the air. It came easily and was quite strong even without his full focus. Elissa had done well in choosing the enchantments for these gifts, that much was clear. Now it was time to test the boundaries of his physical skill.

* * *

><p>It was happening again, Nathaniel could feel it. Elissa was moving out of his grasp and into the arms of another man – another man who was <em>not<em> the one he'd expected. Alistair he could handle. The King was out of sight and out of mind and their relationship had already begun to see strain even before he'd re-entered the picture. Damage he could work with, weakness he could exploit, despair he could capitalize on – but there was no defense against contentment.

Anders was a constant, and his and Elissa's friendship had been well established and powerful long before the mage ever admitted to wanting for more. The sight of them sparring together that afternoon had amplified his already peaking temper, and the fact that she had effectively sealed off their connection to prevent him from gauging her feelings on the matter only proved to him that whatever she did think of it, she didn't want him to know.

Their dynamic was shifting. He could read it in every subtle glance and hint of a smile, in every lingering touch that crossed over from friendly to flirtatious the longer they spent chatting in their secluded corner of the dining hall. When The Mage dragged a finger down her arm before collecting their plates and returning them to the kitchen, Nathaniel seized the opportunity to go and say all the things he'd been holding back since Anders' declaration the night before.

"Do you not believe it cruel to use the man as yet another diversion from me now that your king is gone?" Nathaniel kept his voice even, though his words were clearly meant to incite, and settled himself across from her at the table.

"Nathaniel, I…" Elissa sighed as she turned to him, and fussed with her hair for a moment before becoming annoyed again with the length of it. "I know you believe this to be yet another slight leveled in your direction, but it isn't meant to be. I never intended to have these feelings toward Anders, it just sort of… happened."

"If you never intended it, then you can prevent it. You can stop before it's gone too far. We both know you'll only break his heart in the end. We are meant to be together, Elissa. These denials of yours serve no one." Nathaniel held her eyes with his usual steely gaze, but beneath the bravado there was a fear Elissa hadn't seen before.

"_That's_ it. That right there. That's what I can't stand about you. You are so bloody arrogant, Nathaniel. It would be impossible to see past if I couldn't read how uncertain you are underneath that puffed up preening peacock, how a part of you wonders if you haven't been wrong in your assertions." She caught Anders' eyes near the back of the room and stood to go and join him. "I won't deny that I have feelings for you, but I can't begin to process them now when I can barely recognize my own face in the mirror anymore, and I won't when you insult us both by behaving in this manner. I think that maybe I have a chance to be happy – and I haven't been happy in so very long… do you not think I deserve that?"

Nathaniel said nothing and kept his hold on her eyes as steady as he could manage.

"Can you look at me, honestly, and tell me you can make me happy right now? Can you look at yourself and truly believe I could give the same to you? You've put your own life on hold for over a decade chasing a woman who died in the fires of Highever. You have to bury her too. You have to heal yourself and find your own path without me standing beside you. If Velanna can give—"

"You know what, you're right." He stood so fast it rattled the table, and Elissa watched the muscle in his jaw twitching as he fought to control his temper. "I've been keeping Velanna at arm's length out of respect for what I feel toward you. But as you _clearly_ have no regard for my feelings, perhaps it is time I put all that aside and see what else is out there, beyond the poisoned touch of Elissa Cousland."

Elissa thought to say more, but he was already stomping across the common area and disappearing out into the hall beyond.

* * *

><p>Sparring together in such a physical manner had stoked the fires of desire between Elissa and Anders to a level that had been difficult to ignore in favor of dinner, and even Nathaniel's upsetting intervention had done nothing to quench them.<p>

Elissa had suggested retreating to Anders' quarters, knowing better than to test any boundaries in the one place any number of people would come seeking her with regard to the unending demands of the Warden-Commander. Anders was all too quick to oblige her request, and hastily locked the door behind them when she pressed against him just inside.

"If this is too fast for you… if you are the least bit uncertain…" He stroked at her jaw with his thumbs, pulling back from her kisses to search out her eyes.

"Why would you think me uncertain?" Her brow furrowed as she tried to read whether this hesitation came from his own need or something he thought he'd seen in her.

"Well, I saw you talking to Nathaniel and I thought—"

"Can we not talk about Nathaniel?" Elissa sighed, knotting his tunic in her fingers. "He isn't here, _you_ are – and I am here of my own volition. Do I look the slightest bit confused, the least bit uncertain? I want to be here, Anders. Do you want me to be?"

"I have wanted you here in any number of ways for much longer that you would imagine. I simply never allowed myself to believe for a moment that those desires could ever be returned." He closed his eyes and allowed her to take his mouth again, shuffling forward with her motion and opening them again when she stopped them at the foot of his bed. "There is still a part of me wondering when I'm due to wake up and realize this has all been a dream."

"You flatter me beyond the reach of truth, Anders. I am no prize. I am littered with scars." She tugged her shirt over her head and tossed it to the side, fingers making quick work of the ties on her pants before they pooled to the floor leaving her lying on his bed in nothing more than she'd worn the night before.

Her assertion was no exaggeration. The lean muscle and soft curves of her body were covered in scars evident even beneath the expansive work of her tattoo, and he knew the emotional scars ran even deeper. But none of that mattered as he settled down beside her, ignoring the slight look of confusion in her eyes when he removed none of his clothing prior to doing so.

Anders' hands were naturally warm, but he pulled a bit of extra heat into them regardless, before tracing his fingers slowly up the inside of her thigh as he leaned in to kiss her again. He could feel the pace of her breathing increase when his hand dipped inside her smallclothes, and smiled at her low appreciative moan when his fingers reached their destination.

"_Ah_! Sweet Andraste, what was that!" Elissa's back arched all on it's own and she cried out when he did it again, holding his eyes and waiting for an answer.

"The tiniest jolt of electricity." Anders admitted with a grin, rotating himself through the most basic of elemental magic. "I can also do fire… and ice… both equally stimulating in small doses."

She moaned appreciatively and smiled up at him.

"But, I suspect what you'll like the most is force magic."

"_Oh, Ma… fu… oh…_" Her eyes went wide at the slight vibration, and then rolled back when he started to move his fingers in time with it.

Her nails dug into his back and forearm as she gave herself over to the crest of her orgasm, and he chuckled lightly as she proved every rumor about her inability to keep quiet in the throes of ecstasy.

"You're laughing at me." Elissa breathed, attempting to recover herself and get the still fully dressed man out of his clothes.

"No. Never." Anders fought down a smile, helping her to remove his shirt and lifting up his hips when she went to remove his pants as well.

"Yes, you are." Elissa smiled, drawing her nails down his chest as she blazed a trail of kisses across his stomach and down toward the waistband of his smallclothes. "But, I'd wager I can make you stop."

Her smile was wicked as she pressed her lips against the swell of his arousal, and he suddenly knew exactly what it was she intended to do – and only just managed to reach down and stop her before she could send him well beyond his ability to deny.

"Wait, Elissa. Wait, I…"

She sat up when she realized the sincerity of his hesitation, and allowed him to draw her back up his body to lie beside him.

"I've had a lot of sex." He paused, unsure how to proceed.

"Alright… Are you afraid I'll be bad at it? I'll admit… I don't have a lot of experience in that area, I just thought I'd –"

"No, no it isn't that. I'm sure…. I'm sure you'd be fine, _more_ than fine… It isn't a question of skill or desire at all…" He sighed when she looked even more confused, and rolled over to look in her eyes fully. "I've had a lot of sex, Elissa. _A lot_. But I have never been with anyone I had these kinds of feelings toward. I've never lain with anyone that I… that I loved."

It was too much, too soon. Anders pressed his eyes shut and waited for the inevitable retreat when she pulled away and tucked back inside the shell where she could stay devoid of emotion. But that moment never came. Instead she was kissing him again, slowly but surely parting his lips and dipping inside with her tongue.

She traced her hand down his stomach again, pressing against him through the barrier of his smallclothes just enough to assure him she was still interested, and then pulling away to establish it was he who'd set the pace.

It was all that he needed. That tiny acknowledgement that she'd seen what he was giving her, and what he wanted in return, but she hadn't turned away. The rest of their clothing didn't last long beyond that, and there was no hesitation when Anders finally pressed inside of her and sought to repeat his earlier assertions without words.

When Elissa curled in at his side to lie sleeping, it was in the blissful afterglow of a new romance. Anders wrapped his arms around her, surprised to find he had none of the anxiety at sharing his space he'd expected would come when it became obvious she wasn't going to leave and go back to her own bed for the night. He drifted into the Fade on his own soon after, both of them ignorant of the chaos that reigned on the other side of the Keep.

* * *

><p>When Elissa had crested the wave of her first orgasm, she lost her tenuous grip on the conduit that had kept Nathaniel from feeling any of the activity leading up to it. It was almost worse to be hit by it unprepared, and it drove the archer forward down his current path more aggressively than he'd intended.<p>

Tonight he'd responded to all of Velanna's overtures. Tonight he'd offered some of his own. Tonight he'd accepted the invitation and followed her back to her quarters where he now had her pressed happily into her mattress, crying out her throaty approval when he squeezed down a bit harder on her breast than he might have had he not been processing an enormous wave of passion from a completely unrelated source.

He moaned against her throat, grazing down with his teeth as he teased her damp folds to a point where he could be somewhat sure penetration would be more pleasure than pain once he sought to achieve it. She dug her nails into his bare back and muttered things into his ear he had no possible way of understanding being that he had no talent for the Dalish language. Regardless, he wasn't all that worried. If her writhing body and tongue in his ear was any indication, whatever she was saying had to be good.

Velanna was a beautiful woman; those words had never been a lie. But she was as far from Elissa as it was possible to be. She was thin and delicate where Elissa was lean and tall. She was pliant and easily motivated to move in whatever direction he desired, where Elissa would have fought for control every step of the way. There were no scars on her body, not even on the leg most recently healed – and the blonde hair and bronze skin made it impossible for him to operate with even the briefest illusion of who it was he'd taken to bed.

He'd intended to take his time, to enjoy the diversion - though he knew that's all it was - to make her at least feel appreciated in the sense that she deserved his full attention, for as long as it lasted. But all that was lost when Elissa climaxed again and flooded him with an even more powerful wave of sexual euphoria.

Nathaniel lost the ability to focus, he lost the ability for restraint, and he lost the ability to even bother to fully remove his pants and smallclothes before thrusting himself inside of the woman only half ready beneath him. Velanna cried out, first in pain but then in pleasure as he kissed her and set his fingers to work at further stimulation.

It was okay for a while. Better than okay, it was… bliss. He could close his eyes and follow the path back to Elissa. He could focus in on that and allow himself to believe that for a moment, just a moment, they'd reached this plane together at last. That it was her soft body beneath him, her ecstatic cries sounding in his ears, her tight center clenching against him and drawing him over into his own release.

"_Elissa_!"

The name was out of his mouth before he'd regained enough of his mind to know he'd said anything, and so the look on Velanna's face and the sting of her palm against his cheek came as a complete surprise.

"Get out! Get out of my room!" Velanna was yelling in Dalish again, and this time, Nathaniel knew she was _not_ pleased.


	31. Chapter 31: New Favorite

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Antivan Translations: Just in case you've forgotten. Hentes Fia - Butcher's Son and Doamna Mortii - Lady Death. _

_Muse Music: New Favorite by Alison Krauss and A Thousand Years by Christina Perri._

_Thank you to all my readers, followers and reviewers! And extra special hugs to my betas **artemiskat** and **Snar****koleptic**, both of whom did their proofing with headaches today - though it easily could have waited :D_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Thirty-One: New Favorite<strong>_

"When did you want to leave for Orzammar?"

Elissa's only half-attentive _hmm_ didn't surprise Anders at all. She'd gotten lost in the stacks of paperwork that covered the massive wooden desk she sat behind for what must have been the sixth or seventh time since his presence in her workspace had become routine.

As blissful as it had been, it had taken nearly all of their first week together for Anders to get her to relax enough to allow him access to her daily routines, and even now there were parts of her world that seemed to remain just as off limits as they had been before they started sharing a bed at night. Her personal quarters, for instance, were conspicuously absent from their daily lives and Anders could not help but wonder if that should tell him something – though being new to relationships, he didn't think too hard about it.

"Come up for air, love." He pulled himself up straight in the chair he'd been lounging on and shooed Pounce gently to the floor before leaning across the desk to tuck a curl behind her ear and brush a quick, soft kiss against her lips.

"I don't know if I'll ever get used to that." Elissa smiled at him, relinquishing her hold on the ledger in front of her long enough to trace his jaw with her fingers and kiss him again.

"Means you'll never get bored, either." Anders shrugged, kissing her one more time before standing up straight. "And I certainly won't complain about that part."

"Was I ignoring you again?" Elissa laughed, but looked genuinely worried. She tended to get lost in her work, and while the other men in her life understood what it took to maintain a position of power, she wasn't sure someone who had spent any length of time locked away in a tower would see that tendency as anything more than an inconvenience.

"I wouldn't call it ignoring so much as filtering, but yes, there was a question asked you didn't answer." He settled down in the chair again, laughing when Pounce leapt back into his lap as soon as his rear met the cushion of the seat.

"I apologize." Elissa folded her hands over her abdomen and leaned back in her chair. "What was the question?"

"I was just wondering when you intended to leave for Orzammar?"

"I'm waiting to hear back from King Harrowmont, but that's merely a formality. I've already passed communication to Kardol and received his response. Whether the king chooses to acknowledge my request or not, I suspect I'll have us underway early next week." Elissa cocked an eyebrow at him in concern. It was no secret that the mage had no warm feelings toward the Deep Roads. "Why? Having second thoughts about coming along? If you don't want to, I suppose…"

"I'm a Grey Warden, Elissa. I can't exactly opt out anytime the underworld makes an appearance, nor can you give me a free pass now that we're involved when I know you'd never have done it before." Anders held her eyes until the nod of her head told him he'd been absolutely right to make such an assumption. "At any rate, I was only asking to get a gauge on time, not to back out of the trip entirely."

"A gauge on time?" Elissa's face was a mask of complete confusion.

"Yes. I was thinking, perhaps, you and I could take a trip into Amaranthine together. It needn't be more than a day if you'd prefer not to be away very long, but I thought maybe taking some time to be Anders and Elissa instead of Commander and Healer might be good before getting locked away in the bowels of the earth again."

Anders knew he'd blurted all of that out, and could tell from the look on her face that she had no idea what to make of it. He immediately started to retract the offer. "It was a silly idea. I mean, you're busy, I can see that… and—"

"It's not a silly idea, Anders. I'm sorry… it's just, are you attempting to court me?" Elissa's brow furrowed and he watched her cheeks color slightly at the thought that it could be her misinterpreting his words.

"Well, yes… I suppose I am. Though, I should warn you. I have no experience with this sort of thing – so whatever you've been used to in the past—" His words stopped coming when he heard her laughter begin.

"I've never been properly courted, Anders. I'm just as unsteady here as you are."

"Nathaniel never…"

"Nathaniel was sent to the Free Marches shortly after we became officially involved so there was never an opportunity." Elissa explained, watching his mouth begin to inquire after her relationship with The King. "And Alistair and I were too busy trying to stay alive and save Ferelden from the Blight. Not much time for romantic overtures amongst chaos."

"So… if I were to… court you… it would be an actual _first_?" Anders smiled at her across the desk.

"Indeed." She responded, smiling back.

"Well, that's certainly not _too _much pressure."

They were both laughing when a knock sounded at the study door, shifting Elissa back into the role of Warden-Commander.

* * *

><p>"Enter." Elissa leaned back in her chair and braced herself for whatever was coming now that she'd seen it was Velanna on the other side of her study door.<p>

"May we speak?" The elf looked even more hostile than usual, and that should have been enough warning to keep Elissa away from her normal sarcastic wit, but it wasn't.

"Are we not speaking now?"

"I would prefer not to discuss anything in front of your latest… _plaything_…" Velanna snipped, glaring briefly at Anders. "If you don't mind."

"Plaything?" Anders looked as though he wasn't sure whether to be upset or amused at the Dalish woman's commentary, so Elissa cut him off before he could make either decision.

"Anders, could you wait outside a moment?" She smiled at him, and he remained silent as he left the two women alone. "There. Better?"

Velanna didn't smile, but seemed to settle enough to take a seat now that Anders had stepped out of the room. "I wanted to know if there were any plans to get back to tracking darkspawn… sooner rather than later. If not, I would like to request permission to take my leave of this _organization_. I have what I need from you, and if you intend to laze about fraternizing with your subordinates for days on end, I would rather get on with the business of tracking my sister alone."

Elissa's temper was peaked, but she pushed it aside. Clearly something beyond the normal disdain was churning away in the woman across from her. And if she had to guess, it had less to do with Velanna's sister and more to do with a certain archer, one whose intentions to romance the elf had apparently gone horribly awry.

"I have scheduled a trip to Orzammar with the intention of reaching out to my contacts within the Legion of the Dead in a few days. The dwarves stand on the front lines of the abyss every day. If anyone has seen a change within their rank, it would be them." Elissa explained, crossing her arms and leveling her most authoritative gaze at the woman. "Will that suit you, or should I make ready for your departure?"

"That will do, for now." Velanna replied, standing up from the chair and leaving her study just as quickly as she had come.

Anders strolled back in as the elf disappeared down the hall. "Well, she looks even more foul than normal. What was that all about?"

"I'm not sure exactly, but I have a feeling it's got something to do with Nathaniel." Elissa sighed, fretting with her hair as she stood. "Which means I have to go and talk to him."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Anders knew she and the archer had been avoiding one another since their relationship had become physical, and doubted that whatever had put the elf in such a foul mood was going to make bridging that divide any easier.

"I'm certain it's a horrible idea, but as Velanna has just threatened to leave us, I find it necessary as Warden-Commander to at least attempt to decipher what would push her toward such a decision." Elissa kissed him one last time, before strapping a dagger to her leg and heading out the door. "I'll be back soon."

* * *

><p>Nathaniel had been diligently focused on completely severing their connection since Elissa's first night with Anders, and though she could see why he'd feel it was necessary, it still stung a bit more than she'd expected. Without their link to aid her, tracking the man down became more dependent on her knowledge of his routines and patterns; on simply knowing where it was he would go when he wanted to be left alone.<p>

It was too late in the day for him to be on the archery range, and he no longer wandered the Keep grounds as he might have in their youth, which left only one place Elissa could be reasonably certain she would find him.

"What happened?" She kept her voice gentle and without accusation as she made her way out of the door and onto the ramparts where Nathaniel sat brooding.

"That's a rather vague question. Any number of things have… _happened_… since last we spoke. If you want me to answer, I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific." He didn't turn to look at her as she took a seat on the battlement beside him, but the slight shift in his posture made it clear he felt her presence there.

"Nathaniel…" Elissa tried to get him to meet her eyes, but he wouldn't – so she gave in and rubbed at her temples in frustration. "Fine. Velanna. What happened with Velanna?"

"What would give you the impression that anything happened with Velanna?" Nathaniel pushed up from where he'd been sitting against the wall and paced over to the edge.

"You sidestepping the question is a pretty good indicator." Elissa replied, watching him grow even more tense the longer she spoke to him. "Though the fact that she came barreling into my study asking for permission to leave the Wardens also gave me a pretty good idea something must have gone awry."

Still, he was silent; staring off into the distance as though ignoring her would make her cease to exist.

"I'm not asking for details here, I—"

"Good, because you won't be getting them." He snapped, still refusing to acknowledge her.

"I can respect that." Elissa replied, pushing back to stand and moving toward the door. "I only ask that you make an effort to repair what you can. I don't care for Velanna, and I won't pretend to start now – but our numbers are too limited for me to lose a Warden when I might not have to."

Nathaniel kept his silence, relishing the increasing distance between them when he heard her footfalls growing ever more distant on the stairs and steeling himself to partake in what was certain to be an even more unpleasant conversation.

* * *

><p>"Let's do it."<p>

Elissa passed her eyes over the chaos on her desk one more time, and forced herself to ignore it. If it had waited this long, one more day wouldn't hurt and the chilly conversation with Nathaniel directly on the heels of Velanna's bitter melodrama had proved to her that if she was to make it through the long journey into the tunnels beneath Orzammar without killing someone, she needed this brief respite.

"You want to go to Amaranthine?" Anders did a poor job of hiding his surprise. He'd fully expected the weight of her duties to keep her from indulging in any frivolity, such as his awkward first steps into courtship.

"Yes. I have to speak to Varel and let him know to keep an eye on things until we return tomorrow afternoon. We can leave as soon as you've packed, otherwise." She watched him carefully, looking for any sign that he might be questioning his original intent – but saw nothing but excitement in his eyes.

"I'll be ready faster than you can blink." He smiled, winking at her as he headed to the door. "Meet you in the stables?"

She nodded, chewing anxiously at her bottom lip before dashing out her door to find the Seneschal.

* * *

><p>The conversation with Velanna had gone just as badly as Nathaniel expected it would, so he was not in the mood for company when he made his way back up to the ramparts only to find Zevran had taken up roost there as well.<p>

The Assassin barely acknowledged him as Nathaniel made his way over to the edge of the wall and followed the elf's eyes down to whatever had so fully consumed his attention.

"Where are they off to?" Nathaniel asked, watching as the mage laced his fingers into Elissa's and steered them toward the main gate.

"Amaranthine." It was a short response, but left nothing about the elf's feelings on the matter unable to be deciphered.

"Aren't you going?" Nathaniel watched the pair pass through the gate, and into the day beyond, suddenly able to understand the other man's irritation.

"I offered my services as an escort, but was told they were unnecessary as this trip was unrelated to routine Warden business."

"I don't care what her reasoning is, there's a price on her head and Anders is in no way capable of preventing whatever they might throw at her even _within_ the limited protection of these walls!" Nathaniel was uncertain what angered him more, that she was off for a romantic getaway so soon into her new relationship or that she was choosing to ignore her own vulnerability once again. Either way the pitch of his voice made it clear that he was furious.

"Yelling at _me_ will accomplish nothing, Hentes Fia." The Assassin hissed, narrowing already frustrated eyes in his direction. "Doamna Mortii did not accept me into her service to have me question her decisions, and I will not violate my oath in such a manner whatever my reservations may be."

"Even if questioning those orders could very well save her life?" Nathaniel leveled his own glare back at the elf.

"Even so." The resignation in those words made it clear that beneath his carefree persona, Zevran was far more unsettled with his decision than he might have let on as he left Nathaniel alone with his thoughts on the ramparts.

The fact that Elissa had made it clear to the assassin she had no desire for company should have translated into an order to Nathaniel's ears as well, but it did not. The Archer could no longer see beyond the countless ways someone could get to her while she traveled unprotected, and so he left to prepare for a trip of his own.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel was very good at traveling undetected. Quite a bit better than Elissa had managed to discover, as it turned out.<p>

He trailed along in rooftop shadows as they strolled the various vendor stalls in the market square, and ducked inside a nearby doorway when they stopped to enjoy a light snack the mage had purchased from a nearby pastry maker. When they stopped at the Crown & Lion to book a room for the night, he was forced to linger outside; paying one of the barmaids who'd stepped out to retrieve a merchant's delivery to alert him once they'd turned in for the evening.

Nathaniel himself would not take a room, instead remaining vigilant in the tavern below. Come light of day his fears would be relieved or realized and he would either leave for the Keep with his presence never known or do what was necessary to keep Elissa safe once again.

* * *

><p>The getaway had been just what they needed if Elissa's still-slumbering body was any indication. Normally she was up long before Anders drew himself out of the Fade, but this morning she lay at his side exactly as she'd been the night before.<p>

"I'll have to remember that specific combination if it has tired you out so thoroughly." He chuckled, curling in behind her and sliding an arm across her belly.

The chill of her body was an instant indication that something was wrong. The intricacies of her condition kept Elissa's core temperature higher than normal as a constant, so for her to be so cold beneath three layers of blankets was far from normal.

"Elissa?" A quick pull on her shoulder rolled her back limp against the bed at his side, and the blue in her lips sent him into even further panic. "Oh no… Maker…"

He leaned in close enough to verify that she was still breathing, though the weak pull of it indicated that she would not be doing so for much longer if he didn't figure out what she suffered from and how to address it.

He traced his hands over her body, doing a quick scan for any signs of trauma, but found nothing. This meant it was most likely poison, something about which Anders had little knowledge in practice and even less of an idea what to do to counteract it.

He threw back the covers on his side of the bed and dressed in a frenzy. His only chance was that some patron in the bar knew enough about toxins to identify what had been slipped to her and to concoct an antidote. Taking her out of the relative safety of the Keep had been the worst thing he could possibly have done. At least there Zevran could have offered his assistance, but here… Here, he was alone and there was little he could do to fight something he could neither see nor identify. There was no magical cure for poison.

* * *

><p>"Something's happened, hasn't it?"<p>

It was the last voice Anders wanted to hear, especially right at this moment, but a part of him wasn't at all surprised to turn and find Nathaniel standing in the shadows just outside the stairs which would have taken him down into the tavern on his quest for aid. "I'm not even going to ask what you're doing here."

Now that the cat was out of the bag about his past activities, there was no longer any need to hide the extent of his skill, which made it even easier for Nathaniel to reach Amaranthine just shortly behind them while they remained clueless that they'd even been followed.

"Good, because I suspect we both know the answer to that without having to waste time discussing it at the moment." Nathaniel replied, his concern not fully concealed by the arrogant façade he tried to project. "Now, take me to her. If the look on your face is any indication, we haven't got a lot of time."

Anders didn't argue. No matter what he thought of the archer and his intentions toward Elissa, there was no denying the man was proficient with the crafting and detection of poisons as well as their antidotes.

Once inside the room, Nathaniel dashed over to the bed and listened to her breathing for a moment before addressing Anders once again. "Did you have anything to eat or drink before you went to sleep last night? Anything at all?"

"I had some tea sent up." Anders whispered guiltily, his eyes sending Nathaniel over to the small mug on the bedside table. "I thought it might help her sleep."

Nathaniel picked it up and inspected it closely, taking a small bit of what remained in the bottom of the cup onto his finger and tapping it against his tongue just to be sure.

"I know what this is. Thankfully, though it's not one of the more common poisons in the region, its antidote can be easily manufactured from ingredients I tend to carry." Nathaniel dug around in the small pouch he kept on his belt and produced a tiny blue vial into which he mixed small amounts of several dried herbs and tonics. Once he was pleased with the results of his efforts, he tugged Elissa into his lap and pried open her mouth to pour it inside.

She mumbled in her delirium and rolled her head against him, attempting to spit the liquid back out, but Nathaniel held her mouth closed and forced her to swallow it. "Stop fighting and just swallow it you stubborn woman!"

His words were laced with frustration, but Anders could see the unease in his face and the care he was taking with her restraint, though his hands on her face and upper body gave her no opportunity to shift away. It was hard to watch them interact on any level without acknowledging the breadth of feeling that stretched out between them, and Anders was too much of a realist to believe that it would ever get any easier.

Elissa started to stir as her color returned, and Anders finally allowed himself to take an easy breath. When her eyes fluttered open there was a brief moment of confusion upon seeing Nathaniel's face, quickly replaced with embarrassment and fury when she realized she was naked beneath the blanket and now draped across his lap.

"What are you doing here, Nathaniel?" Elissa hissed, scrambling away from him and shifting the blanket to cover as much of herself as she could manage.

"At the moment, saving your life." He replied, ignoring her tone.

"I think my desire to be left alone was made crystal clear in the orders I left with—"

"You left no orders with _me_. I'd never have even known you were going on this little honeymoon if I hadn't happened upon Zevran on the ramparts as you were leaving." He felt her temper flaring though she fought to control the conduit, but beneath the anger there was a hidden current of gratitude and relief she would never utter aloud no matter how pure the feeling.

"You'd have been no more likely to follow a direct order than an indirect one, Nathaniel. Don't insult me by pretending otherwise." Elissa snorted, readjusting the blanket when her ranting caused it to slip slightly down. "Now, if you're quite—"

"Let me make something clear to you, _Commander_." Nathaniel said, standing as he spoke and tucking the antidote back into his pouch. "I will never follow an order that threatens your well-being, regardless of the wrath I might incur in response to my disobedience. Your duty may be to the greater good, but mine is to you."

Nathaniel paced over to the door, turning back one last time before he left them. "It might do you some good to acknowledge that the greater good cannot be served while you lay cold in the ground, Elissa. If I hadn't disobeyed your… _orders_… and followed you on this little interlude, we'd be burying you tomorrow."


	32. Chapter 32: Letting the Monster Back In

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Antivan Translation: Brilliant, brilliant, beautiful man._

_Muse Music: 1980 by Groove Armada and Come Back to Me by Razed in Black._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers - and to my wonderful betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Thirty-Two: Letting the Monster Back In<strong>_

Elissa spent the whole of the long journey to Orzammar reassuring Anders that she didn't hold him responsible for her near death in Amaranthine. And even still, their interactions were hampered by his guilt and her frustration at being unable to completely alleviate it. None of this was helped by the other tensions running rampant within the group at large.

Velanna snipped at Nathaniel whenever she was given a chance, though Nathaniel did his best to avoid her. Sigrun's usual perky demeanor waned with each passing day, and eventually she was responding to Velanna's hateful words with pointed quips of her own. Nathaniel had no kind words for either Elissa or Anders, which was unsurprising but did nothing to relieve the pressure that continued to build. Even Zevran seemed to be in a foul mood and had said little to Elissa since her return from her city excursion.

The only members of her company seemingly unaffected by a mood swing were Oghren and Jowan, though Oghren's non-reaction could just as easily be contributed to his – once again – increasing consumption of alcohol.

She was thrilled to see the massive stone gates of the dwarven capital looming at the top of the hill, if only for the shift of focus entry would allow them. Elissa dismounted and helped Jowan down behind her, handing the reins over to the mage and sending him off with Zevran to pay one of the surface merchants to tend the horses while they saw to their business in the city below.

"Hail, Warden!" the guardsman's smile was broad and he offered his hand to her in a quick salutation. "What brings you back to the stone?"

"I wish I could say it was a social call, Jotha. Unfortunately I'm headed straight down to the Dead Trenches to meet up with Kardol and the rest of the Legion." Elissa held her hand out, and Oghren reluctantly turned over his axe for her to hold until they'd reached the tunnel entrance at the far end of the city. "I sent word to King Harrowmont several weeks ago, but received no response."

"Word hasn't reached the surface then?" Jotha continued when the look on her face made it clear Elissa had no idea what he was talking about. "The king has fallen ill. Whispers suggest it to be poisoning, but Harrowmont's men claim it's nothing more than simple fever. Either way he's been sequestered away in the palace for weeks now. Shut down the city to outsiders as well. If you weren't _you_, I'd have standing orders not to let you pass."

"I'd offer my services to help find the cause, but if I know Harrowmont, I'm probably on the short list of people he believes responsible for his condition." Elissa shared a brittle laugh with the guardsman who knew her words hit far too close to the truth. "Probably best that we make way straight for the mine entrance."

Elissa traded one last smile with the dwarf before he opened the gate to allow them inside.

* * *

><p>A descent this far into the bowels of the earth was never going to be easy. But with two Wardens newly made and suddenly exposed to a massive concentration of darkspawn on top of Anders' usual reaction to confined spaces and the influx of nausea that seemed to accompany his exposure to large collections of tainted blood, Elissa found this particular trip to be exceptionally stressful.<p>

She attempted to work with Velanna on learning to read the call that now pulled hard within her blood, but the elf had no desire to speak with her on any subject so Elissa eventually just left her to find a way to manage the nausea on her own.

Jowan did surprisingly well, all things considered. He managed his nausea as best he could, and picked up on the tips the others gave him for shifting focus with an easy grace. Elissa found herself struck once again by just how much his strength had been underestimated.

When they popped out of the long length of cave onto the edge of the Dead Trenches, Elissa was staggered by the weight of her memories and went back to a time when she had stood with Alistair on the brink of the abyss and felt it as the Archdemon peered into her soul.

"Fond memories?"

She turned to see Anders approaching her with a slight smile, the strain of this journey evident in his unusually pale skin and shaken demeanor. "Not unless you think facing off with the Archdemon across the teeming river of the darkspawn horde counts."

"That was here?" Anders crept closer to the edge of the gorge, peeking down to see what was now no more than a trickle of activity far below.

"It was." Elissa replied, shaking off the past and reaching over for Anders' hand. "Come on. Kardol should be with the Legion just ahead. I want to get you back to the surface as soon as possible."

"I'm not going to argue with that." Anders chuckled, squeezing her fingers as they moved along.

* * *

><p>Kardol was just ahead, not much further beyond where Elissa had predicted he would be found. He bellowed out a greeting to her as he and his men finished off the wave of darkspawn they'd been managing for the last little while.<p>

"_Atrast vala_, Warden. I trust your trip down was… pleasant." The dwarf chuckled, sharing a nod with Sigrun and with Zevran who had traveled this path with Elissa before.

"Oh, yes. Occasional pods of darkspawn, tainted brontos, and you _know_ how much I love the giant corrupted spiders you keep down here." Elissa smirked, shaking the man's hand before making introductions among those he hadn't met.

"Come on back. I imagine the men can hold off the next wave while we have ourselves a chat." Kardol moved them off toward a bare bones camp against a nearby wall, tossing her a half empty bottle of clear, bitter alcohol.

Elissa took a pull from the bottle and relished the burn. It was the first drink she had taken since Anders had confiscated her drug and alcohol supply following the debacle with her brother, and she tried not to prickle under the weight of the judgmental look he passed in her direction.

"So, letter said you had questions about the 'spawn. Seems odd a Warden would need to seek out answers with regard to that particular subject." Kardol accepted the bottle she passed back, taking a seat on a large slab of fallen stone and watching as Elissa settled at his side.

"I suppose it does." Elissa chuckled, trying not to think about the lecture that was coming as she took another drink from the re-offered bottle. "But unusual circumstances call for unusual tactics."

Kardol's face flashed confusion before settling back to impassive and waiting for any further explanation that was offered.

"Have the darkspawn down here been acting… strange?"

"Strange in what sense?" Kardol asked, tattooed brow raised in question.

"Those beneath Amaranthine seem to have somehow developed the capacity for higher level thought, planning, and speech." Elissa explained, watching his look turn from curiosity to concern.

"Ancestors, no! You have witnessed such a thing?" Kardol held her eyes long enough to read the truth, and then finished off the bottle to calm his nerves that such an impossibility could have come to pass. "Nothing good can come of that."

Elissa let her eyes linger out on the latest wave of battle within which the Legion stood locked and tried to reach out and sense them, but even the pulse of these darkspawn's tainted blood was weak to her dulled senses. She suspected this had little to do with The Architect expanding his influence and more to do with the tonic she was forced to consume in order to contain the beast that slept inside of her.

Several more hours of conversation with Kardol gave her little new information to go on and only reaffirmed her belief that her connection to the taint had been dulled to unacceptable levels. Kardol gave his word that should he see any sort of shift within the darkspawn population beneath Orzammar, he would contact her immediately, and with that promise - Elissa took her leave.

As she led her company back to Orzammar, Elissa struggled to find a path to answers that would not require her to once again open a doorway into the darkest parts of her soul. The longer she thought on it, the more obvious it became there were no other roads left to travel – and as she gave herself over to the weight of this decision, she realized she had never felt more isolated.

* * *

><p>Elissa laid her head back against the cool stone curve of the wall behind the table she'd taken for them in Tapster's Tavern. It had seemed only natural to seek out this spot as she'd sat here so often in the past, but now that she was in it she found her thoughts lingering in places she didn't want them to go.<p>

"I know what you need, my Warden."

It was the first time she'd heard even a hint of Zevran's jovial nature since her trip into Amaranthine unescorted had nearly turned out fatal. "I doubt Anders would be any happier about that than he was about the two sips I took from Kardol's bottle, but I appreciate the offer."

"I was not suggesting illicit substances. Merely illicit activities." The elf's smile was cheeky when she rolled her head to the side to look at him.

"I doubt he'll allow _that_ either." Elissa winked at him, and turned back to her inspection of the ceiling.

"Straight into the gutter. How I do love your dirty mind." Zevran chuckled, drawing her attention again. "Again, I was not suggesting that I bed you – rather that you and I take a trip down to the arena and—"

"The Underprovings?" Her eyes lit up at even the thought of such an unfettered stress release, and she reached over to plant a kiss flush against his forehead for thinking of it. "_Brillante__, brillante, __uomo__ bellissimo_!"

Elissa was on her feet and making her way out of the bar moments later, stopping with the press of a hand at her arm just as she reached the door.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" The tone of Anders' voice gave the appearance of a light heart, but Elissa knew that to be far from the truth.

"You aren't going to like the answer to that, so... shall I tell you now and have you be upset when I choose to go anyway or wait for you to be angry when you figure it out later?" Stress had been piling up on Elissa as they'd made this journey, and that feeling had only been compounded when Kardol had no new information to provide her with a path to The Architect. She knew she shouldn't be taking it out on the man in front of her, but he was there and had already set her temper on edge with his reaction to the few drinks she'd taken in the trenches.

"I'd always rather have the truth up front, Elissa. That hasn't changed simply because you're cross with me for caring about your well being."

"I'm not..." Elissa sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose for a moment before tugging him out the door to grab a moment of privacy away from the noise. "I'm not cross with you, Anders. I'm cross in general. My temperament has never lent itself to proper behavior, and I've cut loose all my vices at once. While I don't disagree... completely... that it needed to be done, I-I... I need a release valve. I have to get out some of this tension or I'm going to explode."

"I can think of a number of things we can do to relieve your tension that _don't_ involve you disappearing somewhere with the assassin you hesitate to even speak of." Anders leaned in closer, tracing a finger along the curve of her jaw to stop on her mouth, intending to follow it with his lips.

"The release I require involves drawing blood and dodging punches."

Elissa's words halted him in place, and he pulled back absolutely certain he'd find himself staring into the blank void of the beast's eyes once again.

"I thought the tonics had put an end to that particular desire." Anders waited for her to quell his fears, but the sentiment never came.

"I had to adjust my dosage." Elissa tried not to flinch as he withdrew from her further.

"What do you mean _adjust your dosage_?"

"It worked _too_ well, Anders. I wasn't dreaming. I couldn't even sense the swarms of unaltered spawn here in the heart of it. It had severed my connection to the taint entirely. I cannot function as Warden-Commander when what makes me a Warden is made silent." She watched him starting to pace as he processed the information she had given him.

"And you don't think it's dangerous to tweak this balance unsupervised?" He wasn't looking at her, but through her, and his hand gestures were becoming increasingly agitated. "It's no secret I don't care for Avernus, but he seems to know what he's doing when it comes to managing your—"

"I don't have a choice, Anders. Don't you see that?" Elissa tried again, though she knew he was unlikely to listen – not here and now when he was already so far beyond his comfort zone. "Something is happening with the darkspawn. Something that links back from The Architect to me – and I can't fight what I can't see coming."

"You don't have to _become_ a monster to fight a monster, Elissa." Anders attempted to reason with her one last time, reaching up to hold her face as though his touch could convince her to change her mind.

"Yes, Anders. Sometimes I do."

Anders' shoulders dropped in resignation and he took in a long breath to keep himself from saying more. He kissed her forehead before turning away to return to the bed he'd assumed they'd be sharing. "You know where I'll be if you change your mind."

* * *

><p>Nathaniel turned in sometime before dawn. With Sigrun off seeing those friends that remained in the city, and Elissa having disappeared with the assassin several hours before, there was nothing to keep his attention elsewhere. Still, he was nowhere near tired enough to sleep as he counted the corners of the stone tiles that made his ceiling.<p>

"It's either very late, or very early... depending on how you look at it. Aren't you tired?"

Nathaniel looked up to find Elissa leaning against the stone archway that marked the entry to his room. He'd seen the smile on her face before, and subconsciously moved his hand to trace over the scar he had to remind him of it.

"What do you want, Elissa?" He tried not to be unsettled by her low laughter as she closed the distance between them and settled down on the bed at his side.

He wasn't sure where the armor she was wearing had come from, and wasn't sure he wanted to know considering how little of her it covered. The sheer amount of skin exposed when she pulled her knee up onto the bed and leaned across his legs had him wishing he'd decided, for once in his life, to wear something to bed.

"I need for you to tie me up." She traced a long finger along the outline of his legs, never quite making contact, though he could feel the amplified heat coming off even that small expanse of her skin.

"I'm sorry?" He swallowed hard against the lump which continued forming in his throat the longer she spoke to him.

"I'm certain you heard me, though I can repeat the request if that makes you... _happy_." She chuckled again, and refreshed her predatory smile.

"It isn't that I didn't hear you..." Nathaniel pulled himself to a sitting position a bit further out of her physical reach. "It's more that I'm not sure I understand why you would request such a thing."

"What's the matter, Nathaniel?" Elissa pressed her full lips out into a pout and drew a nail down across his abdomen to the pool of cloth at his waistline. "Haven't got the equipment?"

"We both know I've got the equipment." He replied, reaching down to grab her hand before she could go any further. "If you give me a moment, I can go and collect it."

She leaned back and allowed him to stand, eyes anxiously watching his movements just in case his hastily draped covering happened to drop. When he turned back to the bed she had laid back against it waiting for him.

He sat down and went to work binding her ankles together first, using every bit of willpower he had not to allow his eyes to travel up the open expanse of her legs to whatever she might, or might _not_, be wearing beneath the short leather skirting of her armor.

"Are you certain you want to bind those?" Elissa smiled down at him, darting her tongue out to slowly wet her lips before continuing. "Any _access_ you might seek later won't be easily attained."

"I doubt I'll be seeking access to anything beyond whatever nonsense is at work in that head of yours." Nathaniel assured her, moving up to take her wrists in his hands and bind them before anchoring the whole thing to the heavy stone head of his bed frame.

Once she was secure, he met her eyes once more, only to be further unsettled by what he saw there. He was attempting to process his thoughts when the edge of a rolled slip of parchment caught his eye from where it had been tucked carefully into the dip of her cleavage.

Elissa purred when his fingers made contact with her sensitive skin at its retrieval, and Nathaniel tried to ignore the brush of her legs against him as he unrolled the paper to read the message written within.

_Nathaniel,_

_If you've found this, than at least I can rest assured I have made it to the right place._

_I've stopped taking the tonic. I need to dream to find The Architect and the song has fallen too silent. To hear it again, I've had to allow the beast to wake from its slumber. _

_Do what is necessary to keep the others safe. Use the conduit, it is the only way to know if I need to put back under or simply put down. _

_Whatever I say, whatever I do – you must allow this to continue until I get the answers we require. I trust you and only you to do what must be done._

_There is a strong sedative in my ankle pack along with a vial of Avernus' tonic if I should manage to survive and regain my sanity._

_Thank you._

_Elissa_

He opened the conduit for just a moment before the massive surge of desire for violence and sex forced him to stifle it again rather than fall victim himself.

"Elissa… what have you done?"


	33. Chapter 33: Temptation

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N: ****WARNING! NSFW **material contained within. That probably means most of you know what's coming :P _

_Muse Music: Temptation by The Tea Party and Running Up That Hill by Placebo. _

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers - and to my beautiful betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Thirty-Three: Temptation<strong>_

When Nathaniel came staggering into Anders' quarters that afternoon, he looked as though he'd only barely managed to come out on the winning side of a bar brawl. If the archer had smelled the least bit like alcohol or shown any of the other signs that would have marked him as hungover, the mage certainly would have believed it true. As it was, aside from slightly favoring his left side, the man seemed mostly unaffected by his condition – and his eyes were clear and completely focused.

"What happened to you?" Anders asked, inspecting his injuries and healing what turned out to be several cracked ribs.

"Elissa—"

"Elissa did this?" Anders pulled back to meet Nathaniel's eyes, uncertain whether he should be reassured or unsettled by the answers he saw there.

"She came to me early this morning. She was… not herself." Nathaniel flinched when Anders hit a large bruise near his jaw line. "I found a note she'd written out at some point before she made the decision to completely come off the tonics—"

"_Completely_ off?" Anders' brow knitted in confusion. "She said she'd adjusted the dosage because she couldn't dream or… I should have known. Elissa does nothing in moderation."

"No. She does not." The archer flinched again as the mage finished his evaluation and stood up straight again.

"Where is she now?"

"She's sleeping, under heavy sedation, in my quarters." Nathaniel answered, watching the subtle hitch in the other man's shoulders at the knowledge that Elissa lay sleeping in his bed, regardless of the circumstances that led her there.

"Take me to her." Anders gathered up some of his things and waited for the archer to move back to the door. "If you've been injured, I should take a look at her as well."

"I took the worst of it, believe me." Nathaniel tried not to react when a short burst of laughter from the man behind him showed disbelief, and simply continued to lead the way back to his room. "The only damage she took came when I was forced to tighten her restraints after she got… loose… on several occasions."

Anders shoved past him as soon as they reached the doorway, settling down to the bed beside Elissa and gently brushing her hair back from her forehead.

"Can you take these off?" He tossed a halfhearted gesture toward her wrists before turning his attention back scanning for injuries.

"I'm not sure if—"

"You _said_ she was sedated. If you're as good with those types of concoctions as you think you are, I don't see why removing the restraints at this point should be a problem." Anders leveled a glare in the archer's direction, hoping to prod the man into doing as he'd asked, and trying not to think too hard about the sort of person who would carry around restraints on a regular basis.

"Sedated, yes. But she's still free of the serum Avernus concocted, and I thought rather than have her taking herself off again in the future – you might want to take a shot at adjusting the balance to a workable level. I have enough of the ingredients I need to keep her unconscious for the remainder of the day, if necessary." Nathaniel didn't move. He was right, and the mage knew it.

A few moments later Anders snatched up the half empty vials of tonic Nathaniel had left out on his bedside table and disappeared to seek out the assassin. There were questions to which he needed answers if he had any hope of lulling the beast to its slumber once more.

* * *

><p>The conversation with Zevran had made it clear to Anders that he would need access to his own personal lab if he were to make any progress with reformulating the tonic, so the two of them were forced to work with Nathaniel to get Elissa's condition back to a manageable level until they could return to the Keep.<p>

Elissa had not been happy to regain consciousness once again lacking access to her Warden abilities. It was only with repeated reassurances that the formula would be reevaluated as soon as Anders had the capability to do so that they were able to convince her to continue taking it throughout the journey back to Amaranthine.

She gave Anders no time to settle in once they'd returned, rushing him straight from the stables off to his lab to begin working on a solution to her problem.

"You pacing around back there isn't going to make this go any faster." Anders said, shrugging his shoulders. It was hard enough to communicate with Elissa when her anger was focused on something in particular, but now... She seemed to be furious at the world in general, which meant she was unlikely to see reason no matter how delicate the phrasing.

"I'm sorry, Anders. I'm not trying to pressure you. It's just… this _has_ to work. You have to find the right balance." Elissa was frantic, running her fingers through the mess of curls on her head in frustration. "The Mother is building an army, and I can't hear them to know where they'll strike. Lives will be lost if we—"

"Lives will be lost if you give yourself over to that beast again. And as _those_ lives are more likely to be the other Wardens capable of aiding you in the battle against The Mother, you need to keep up with the current formula and trust that I am doing what I can as fast as I can." He was being abrasive, and he knew it, but the drama of the Orzammar trip had worn heavy on his patience and even Anders had his limits.

"You're right." Elissa pushed a long breath out and closed her eyes. "I'll leave you to your work."

Anders didn't try to stop her when she turned to take her leave.

* * *

><p>It took nearly a week of trial and error for Anders to reach a balance in the tonic with which both he and Elissa were comfortable. She was dreaming again, and able to sense both Wardens and darkspawn. The return of her more mercurial temperament was a sacrifice she was willing to make, regardless of the evident discomfort it brought to the man who shared her bed at night.<p>

"I'm telling you, Anders. The balance is _fine_." It was an internal battle for Elissa to keep from rolling her eyes as she went through the rotations of this argument for the third time since they'd left Anders' quarters that morning. "As long as I take time to let a little of the pressure out in the sparring ring, I don't find myself fighting down the urge to kill the first person to cross me for the day."

"That isn't funny." Anders folded his arms over his chest, and did his best to look serious without being overly critical. "You didn't spend this much time in the sparring ring before."

"I couldn't sense the darkspawn or access my other abilities before either. If spending several hours a day training is the tradeoff for that, I'll take it." Elissa stood up from behind her desk having gotten her boots back on and reached for her swords. "Besides, there is no such thing as over-prepared when it comes to being a soldier. I could spend all day down there and it should seem perfectly normal."

"You aren't down there training, Elissa. You're down there beating the tar out of training dummies and anyone foolish enough to stumble across you because it _feels good_." Anders shivered subconsciously at those words, and Elissa pretended not to notice it. "Nothing about that is normal."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe it _isn't_ normal." Elissa conceded, easing herself down on the arm of the chair that Anders had settled in to offer what reassurances she could manage. "But shouldn't you at least be able to take comfort in the fact that I'm attempting to manage it, rather than ignoring it while it builds to the point where I do someone harm simply because I can't control it anymore?"

He couldn't argue with her on that point, and she knew it. She'd used his own logic to back him into a corner he couldn't reason his way out of. As much as Anders might have hated the changes in her on the adjusted serum, he couldn't deny that this time she was actively working to prevent any complete loss of control.

"Go. Vent. Stab things with pointy objects." Anders sighed, relishing the smell of her lilac soaps as she leaned in to kiss him goodbye. "I'll see you at dinner."

* * *

><p>"And here I was wondering why you were out here sparring alone, instead of with a partner…"<p>

Elissa spun around at the sound of Nathaniel's voice, watching as he caught the recently detached head of her training dummy with the toe of his boot. "The straw men do their jobs well. Though I suspect Varel will be unhappy for having to replace yet another one today."

"This is not your first dismemberment of the day?" Nathaniel chuckled.

"I _may_ have damaged one or perhaps two other dummies beyond the ability to be repaired." Elissa admitted, offering him a half smile.

"Then, in the interest of straw men everywhere, may I offer up my services as an adversary?" Nathaniel was pulling loose his daggers and strolling into the ring before Elissa could even offer a response.

"Are you certain you want to tangle with me?" Elissa twirled her swords and edged back out of his range. "It would appear I collect heads."

"I suspect if you were after my head, you would have taken it some time ago, along with the other pieces of me to which you have already laid claim." He watched something flash behind her eyes with his words, and dodged to the side when she swiped forward with her blades.

"I have laid claim to nothing." Elissa insisted, the clang of steel crisp in the air as he blocked three successive blows from her longswords. "You are your own man, Nathaniel. You do not belong to me."

It fell silent as they focused themselves on blocking and dodging, on landing blows and ducking out of range. Neither seemed able to gain an advantage, though both utilized tricks from their arsenals to which the other had not been offered previous exposure.

Nathaniel felt the edge of his blade graze the corner of her elbow, and listened to the quick intake of breath as she folded in to look at it. Relaxing his guard, he took a couple of steps forward – concerned that he might have accidentally caused injury – and was blindsided when Elissa flipped back on him, darting forward with an elbow to his ribcage that forced one blade free from his hand.

"You dirty cheat!" He coughed out, attempting to retrieve his blade before Elissa cut off the path to it and kicked it out of the ring. "I thought you were injured."

"Aw. Don't be sore, Nathaniel. I saw weakness, and I exploited it. It's what any good soldier would do." Her smile was unapologetic.

"Have you no sense of honor?"

"Of course I do! But not in battle." Elissa snorted, edging around him as she spoke and looking for another opportunity. "A misplaced sense of honor can get you killed, especially when your opponent is unlikely to have one at all. In battle you take any advantage you are given."

"Is that so?" Nathaniel's words were cryptic, but the look on his face was pure challenge.

A moment later Elissa was struggling to keep her feet when he flooded their conduit with the lust that had built up in him since she'd come barreling into his room back in Orzammar. "Y-you're a bastard, Nathaniel Howe."

"I am merely taking the advantage I have been given." He replied, smiling as he dipped forward to drop a blow against her elbow that rattled one of her blades loose.

He retrieved it and advanced, knowing she was still struggling to close herself off from him, which left her vulnerable to anything he might attempt. It didn't take him long to have her relieved of her other blade and pressed back against the wall at the rear of the ring.

"Do you concede?" Nathaniel held her at the end of her own blade, and her jaw twitched furiously in response.

"Never." Her mind was working overtime; frantically searching for a way out of this corner he'd shoved her into.

"Elissa, you're held at the end of your own sword. You have no other weapons. You have lost. _Concede_." Nathaniel's smile was smug, which only goaded her more.

"Nathaniel…" Elissa used the only weapon she had left.

She released everything she'd been holding back, every ounce of attraction she'd felt toward the man in front of her from the moment he'd walked back into her life, everything she had felt but denied, everything shoved down and ignored though it continued to compound and grow and expand.

She watched it hit him, the quick dilation of his pupils and the tremor that passed the length of his body making it obvious she was turning the odds in her favor. She leaned slightly forward, careful not to break her skin against the edge of her sword as she brushed the tip of her nose against his and let her breath warm his mouth.

"I can't do this anymore." Elissa watched his eyes close as he dropped his dagger and released the hold on her sword enough that she could move it from where he held her and out of his grasp entirely.

"Can't do what?" Nathaniel's voice was horse, barely more than a whisper.

"Pretend I don't want you. Pretend my body doesn't yearn for yours all the way into my bones." She listened to the low rumble of his voice vibrate against her as he muttered some half-hearted prayer to the Maker against her throat before pressing his mouth against it.

He tugged her body against his, working his way up from her collarbone to her earlobe. Enjoying every soft curve of her body pressing against him through the well-worn linen of her clothing.

He waited for her little sounds of contentment to begin, but they didn't come, instead he heard the building sound of her laughter. When Nathaniel pulled back to meet her eyes again, the arrogant smile on her face gave everything away. It was only then he noticed the sword she now held pressed into his side.

"Concede."

"Never." He growled, leaning forward and claiming her mouth regardless of what she might do in response to it.

He heard the weight of her sword clatter to the ground. He felt it when her hands slipped into his hair, tugging him harder against her. He smiled against her lips when she started kissing him in earnest.

"Fallen victim to your own game?" He chuckled.

"Shut up!" Elissa hissed, working his lips apart with her tongue and moaning into his mouth when he reached his hands around to grab her ass. And then she was pulling away. "I can't do this…"

"_What_!" Nathaniel was near belligerent. To be purposely worked to this state only to be cut off from having any release once again was more than he could take. "You can't keep doing this, Elissa. You can't just work me into a frenzy and leave me with nothing."

She held his eyes for a moment, a mix of guilt and lust swirling there in the emerald of her irises, and then she was off and running. Nathaniel punched the wall hard, muttering round after round of curses to the stone as he tried to calm his body to a point where it would be comfortable to go in search of her.

* * *

><p>Elissa wasn't in her study, or any other part of the main suite. Nathaniel could sense enough through the still open conduit to know she hadn't made her way to the ramparts, which left only a handful of rooms to which she could have gone.<p>

He couldn't see her going to the assassin in such a state, nor to the dwarf, which narrowed it down further. The thought that she had gone back to the mage after she'd used him in this manner boiled his blood, and it took all the self control he could manage to turn his steps back to his own quarters rather than charging into the room at the far end of the hall to make her answer for what she'd done.

Nathaniel wasn't prepared to open the door to his room and find her standing there. He was even less prepared to find she'd already removed her boots and was in the process of sliding her pants down to the floor as he shut the door behind him.

"Lock it."

It was an order that left no room for argument. And this time Nathaniel found he had no urge to argue or to disobey. He flipped the latch as she closed the space between them, and barely managed to get his arm out of the way before she slammed him against the door.

A few nimble movements and her legs wrapped around his waist as he reversed their positions and pressed her back against the space where she had just been. "Are you certain—"

"I'm pressed against your door with no pants, Nathaniel. Are you honestly asking me for clarification?" Elissa pushed his head back long enough to meet his eyes. "You told me you wouldn't cross the bounds of our friendship again unless I asked for it. I am _asking_ for it now. I am _asking_ you to take me. Now stop talking, and just _do_ it."

Nathaniel's response was nothing more than the rasp of a growl as he took her mouth again, working a hand between them to discover just how ready he would find her. He didn't need to make it beyond her smallclothes to tell how worked up she was, and the sensation of damp fabric against his fingers was nearly his undoing.

He pulled back, intending to shift them to his bed, but her hands dipped into the space he'd left vacant and worked open the front of his trousers, pressing against him through the thin cloth of his smallclothes. He groaned into her mouth when she squeezed against him, knowing that she wasn't as prepared as she obviously thought she was, but unable to resist any longer.

He shoved his tongue into her mouth, bracing her hard against the door and pushing the cloth of his pants and smallclothes down far enough to release himself from inside them. Another quick movement had her underthings shifted aside so that he could press himself against her, intending to ease further inside. But Elissa was impatient, and dug her heels into his back to push him harder, bringing him fully inside her much faster than he'd intended.

Elissa had heard the rumors, and had contemplated the idea of him, but none of that had prepared her for the actual size of the man. She sank her teeth into his shoulder, stifling the cry that tried to rip itself free from her throat as her body adjusted. Nathaniel did nothing to silence himself as he reacted to the sensation of having been bitten.

They could hear the stuttering steps of curious guards now reacting to the sounds coming from inside Nathaniel's quarters as they went about their patrols.

For a moment, Elissa was certain he would withdraw, and the thought of that sent her into a panic. "I swear, Nathaniel. If you stop I _will_ kill you."

"We should at least move." Nathaniel insisted, groaning again when she tightened her legs against his back. "Half the Keep is going to hear us."

"I don't bloody care who hears us!" Elissa hissed, pausing to kiss him again. "I want this. I _need _this. It's far too late to stop now."

She used the leverage of the door to pull herself up off him slightly, only to release her hold and settle him right back in again. It brought a moan from them both, and severed any hold on logic Nathaniel might have had left. She wanted this, wanted him, she'd been clear on that. He could feel the truth of her unadulterated desire pulsing into him through the conduit, overriding all the rationale and reservations that had held his own passions in check for so long. He silenced the last of those notions with the press of a frantic kiss against her lips and took her, just as she wanted, pounding her hard against the door, rattling the sounds of their coupling up and down the halls and no longer caring if anyone heard them.

Nathaniel wanted to take his time. He had promised himself that when Elissa finally gave herself over to him, he would savor every moment of it, but he was lost now to something far more basic and far stronger than any scenario his logical mind could ever have constructed. He was given over to a primal need to consume and be consumed, to take and be taken, to merge himself with this woman on every possible level once and for all.

He could feel himself peaking, and though he fought against it, he knew it was useless. This release had been denied for far too long to be held at bay by even the strongest of willpower, so when the tension beneath his base built to a point where he could no longer contain it, Nathaniel simply gave in and rode out the wave of his orgasm.

Elissa kissed him once more before the pressure of her limbs against him got across the message she wished for him to withdraw. There was no look of accusation on her face as she settled her feet to the floor and walked over to retrieve her scattered clothing, merely acceptance.

"You didn't—"

"I got to share yours. Not the same, but I'll take it." Elissa bent over to pick up her boots, hearing a low groan out of Nathaniel when her shirt rose up to give him a good glimpse of her behind.

"Take off your smallclothes." Nathaniel wasn't sure what was going on as he pushed his pants and underthings down and kicked them aside with his boots. In the past when he'd been done, he'd certainly been _done_ – but this time it appeared that he wasn't, and whatever the reasons behind it he wasn't going to question them now.

"It's fine, Nathaniel. Really. You don't have to—"

"Take them off or I'll tear them off. It really doesn't matter to me either way, but choose quickly of I'll make the decision for you." He watched her stop dressing and turn slowly in his direction, something in his voice making her hesitant to ignore him.

"You can't be… you've just…" Elissa's eyes went wide when he flipped his shirt off, leaving himself completely bare before her. "Oh, Maker…"

"Well?" He watched her hesitate, but only for a moment. Then she was tucking her fingers into the sides of her smallclothes and shoving them down far enough that she could kick them over to the pile of her clothes already building on his floor.

The motion was half confusion and half seduction, but it drew Nathaniel in just the same. He closed the space between them, pressing her back against his bed and seeking entry once again. She cried out when he thrust fully inside her, moaning and muttering things that would make an Antivan whore blush as he set a new pace.

"You are driving me mad, woman." Nathaniel growled into her neck, the sudden realization that she was still half dressed only further fueling his desire.

He reached up and ripped her shirt open, feeling the brief surge of anger as it was swallowed by an overwhelming wave of desire, all of it flooding through the conduit and mingling with his own. There was nowhere left to hide.

As he neared his peak again, Nathaniel reached down to her apex to push Elissa forward into the crest of her own. She writhed beneath him, nails digging into his back, tongue fighting against his for dominance. When she came, she pulled him along with her – the echoes of her physical reaction resonating through the Fade bond as he felt the tightening around his length he had waited so long to experience.

She cried out his name, not once but three times, in and amongst the various expletives that had slowly taken over her vocabulary. The sound of it was an admission. A truth that could no longer be hidden, and Nathaniel found himself answering with a cry of his own. A repetition of a name he'd called out in another bed, only this time there was no need to expect the retribution to come from such a mistake. This time _she_ was here; Elissa, _his_ Elissa, and the connection between them was undeniable.


	34. Chapter 34: Mending the Soul

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** It's a short one, I know. Hopefully comfort can be taken in that all that has to be said, is said. _

_Muse Music: Damaged by Plumb, Be Kind To My Mistakes by Kate Bush._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers - and to my betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic** who got a break this time :D_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Thirty-Four: Mending the Soul<strong>_

Elissa lay there, staring at the blank stone ceiling of Nathaniel's room, the very room he'd held claim on for as long as she could remember. For a moment, everything was all right. There was only Elissa, and this man who she'd been drifting toward from the moment she was born. There was no guilt, no regret, and no profound thoughts of deeper meaning behind rash actions – only the feeling that some sort of void within her had finally been filled. Perhaps now she could finally move forward.

"I never thought I'd say this," Elissa started, shifting an arm behind her head. "But I'm actually thankful that Fergus walked in on us all those years ago."

"Honestly, Elissa. Your brother is the _last_ thing I want to think about after what we've just done." Though there was irritation in Nathaniel's words, his laughter was barely hidden behind it.

"Oh, I'd rather not think of him at all, with or without that part." She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "But, if he hadn't interrupted us back then, I think you might have caused permanent damage."

"I'd never have let you rush me back then, and I did _try_ to slow the pace today. It was you who couldn't be delayed." He rolled up on his elbow to meet her eyes. "If I hurt you, I am sorry. It was certainly not my intent."

"It's nothing to worry about. I'll be likely to walk funny for a day or so, but it's nothing that won't heal." Elissa laughed, smiling up at him before reaching out to run her fingers across the drying blood at his shoulder. "Besides, it isn't as though you've come out of this encounter unscathed."

"A scar I will gladly bear, as I most certainly earned it." Nathaniel leaned down to press his teeth lightly against the skin at her shoulder, laughing when she swatted him away.

"That you did. How did you learn to do that anyway? I didn't even know it was possible for a man to —"

"Nor did I. It's never happened before today. I'd assumed it had something to do with being a Warden." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Not that I'm aware of." Elissa shook her head in response.

"So… none of the other Wardens—"

"Are you _honestly_ asking me this?" She sighed, quirking an eyebrow up at him. "You don't see me asking for details about your other lovers."

"Ask away. There isn't much to tell." He leaned against his hand and brushed his fingers across her stomach.

"Really? You finally have your way with me and _this_ is what you want to talk about?" Elissa held his eyes long enough to see there was no hesitation. "You are a strange man."

"I wouldn't toss that accusation about if I were you." Nathaniel chuckled. "Besides, I think it's perfectly normal that I'd be curious about your past now that we're finally together."

"To… Is that what you think this is?" The moment of clarity was passing, and she could suddenly see just how poor this decision had been. "We aren't _together_, Nathaniel. Nothing has changed. It was just sex."

Elissa was up off the bed then, ignoring the twinge of pain between her legs that came with the movement and tugging on her smallclothes and her trousers in one swift motion.

"_What_?" He got up and pulled his pants up to his hips, trailing after her as she rushed around the room in search of her breast band. "Nothing about that was _just sex_, Elissa. You said you couldn't fight this any more, you wanted this as much as I did."

"Physically, yes. We've been locked in this destructive pattern because of a-a physical _need_ to be together. Now, we have been. There's no more mystery, no need to wonder what it would be like. It's done. We can go on with our lives." Elissa laced up her breast band and attempted to fix her shirt, before realizing it was beyond repair and tossing it to the floor. "This shirt is wrecked. I'm taking yours."

"Do you honestly think I'm going to let you walk out of here and go back to pretending there is nothing between us?" Nathaniel was furious now, charging over to cut off her path to the door. "There are things that happen when you lie with someone, truths that are spoken without words, and you _cannot_ deny those no matter how hard you try. I love you, Elissa. And I know now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you love me."

"This was a mistake. I should never have come here." She tried to maneuver around him without meeting his eyes.

"No! This was _not_ a mistake, and I won't let you talk your way out of it this time! Say the words, Elissa! Admit that you love me!" His fingers dug into her biceps, and she could feel how angry he was pulsing across the conduit as he trembled in front of her.

"I can't." Her words were soft, but clear.

"Why not? What's stopping you? The mage?" Nathaniel felt the swell in her temper at even the passing mention of Anders, but it was too late to back down now.

"Don't speak of him as though what we had was meaningless. Anders is a _good_ man. He deserves far better than what I have done to him." Elissa pulled out of Nathaniel's grip, shoving him aside to push out the door. "I'm sorry, Nathaniel. I have nothing to offer you beyond this moment. I have nothing to offer anyone."

Nathaniel dropped to the nearby chair in stunned silence as the door shut behind her. For the first time in a long time he had no idea where to go.

* * *

><p>Elissa knew it was time to face the music. Anders would know what had happened soon enough, if he didn't already. Her time with Nathaniel had not been silent.<p>

But she couldn't bring herself to face him as she was, wearing Nathaniel's rumpled shirt and smelling of sex while her blood and his seed dried sticky against her thighs. She'd done enough damage. She could spare him that.

There was no warm water in her room, and Elissa couldn't bring herself to face the servants long enough to ask that it be brought in. Instead she stripped down and settled herself into a cold tub. It was bracing, but exactly what she needed.

When she pulled open her drawers to sort out clean clothing, she caught the glint of rust colored glass as it rolled out from beneath a stack of half folded shirts. A secret stash Anders had not managed to confiscate and she had not remembered to offer up in her contrition. She ignored it for a moment, pulling out a shirt and tugging it over her head – but her eyes snapped back immediately after.

A moment later she was settling to the vanity stool and popping the cap loose, intent on drinking the whole of it in one go before she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. There were dark circles forming around her eyes, and her mouth seemed much deeper in color than it had when last she'd taken the time to inspect herself with any eye for detail. At the base of her nails there was a thin dark line, and if she looked closely, around the rim of her green irises there was now a ring of the deepest crimson. The taint was advancing. The time would come when there would be little left of her to recognize. She could no longer deny that to be true.

"What are you?"

She stared intently at the face in front of her, seeing for a moment the shadow of the girl she used to be until it was swallowed once again by the monster she had become. She snapped the vial closed and let it slide through her fingers to clatter against the wood below.

* * *

><p>It was late when Elissa knocked at Anders' door, and the look on his face when he opened it to allow her entry gave away nothing of what might have been going on inside his head.<p>

"Anders… I need to talk to you—"

"I'm surprised you can manage speech at all considering the screaming you were doing a few hours ago." Anders didn't look at her. He continued to flip through the pages of the book on his desk as though they were engaged in a perfectly normal conversation.

"You heard…" It couldn't have hurt her more if the man had physically struck her. The idea that he might have been subjected to that cut deep, and she knew she'd never forgive herself even if Anders somehow saw fit to offer her absolution.

"With my own ears? No. But it was all anyone could talk about at dinner." Anders pushed the chair back from the desk, turning to lean against it and meet her eyes. "_Finally_, they said. _It's about time_, they said. _They belong together_. That one was my favorite."

"I am _so_ sorry, Anders. I am—"

"Sorry isn't going to cut it this time, Elissa. Sorry can't erase what you've done." The look on Anders face was a mix of anger and grief, neither one he wanted to feel, neither one he could deny. "Why? Why lay with Howe of all people? Why now? I thought we were happy. Was I not enough for you?"

"No, it isn't like that. There is _nothing_ wrong with you. You are perfect, Anders. You are everything that anyone should ever need." She tried to touch him, but he pulled away, so she lingered as close as he would allow her. "This is my fault. All of this. I should never have crossed this line with you, not so soon after Alistair. Not when I have so much to repair."

"So you regret it? You regret being with me?" His voice broke with the words, and he could see the change in her face as she was forced to see the destruction her carelessness was wreaking in him.

"Never! I will never regret our time together!" She pushed past his boundaries and placed a hand on his cheek, turning his gaze toward her face, forcing him to see the truth in her eyes. "But it shouldn't have happened, not like this. I'm not good for anyone, Anders."

"But that won't stop you from going back to him…"

"Nathaniel and I are not together." She released him, and backed away. "I need to be alone. It's what I should have done that night on the cliffs, but I saw something in you – something in your eyes there in the water – and I wanted something to hold on to so badly that I pulled you under with me."

She paced away to look out the window and into the darkness. "There is a war coming, and I can't fight it when I'm expending all my energy fighting myself. I am the Warden-Commander of Ferelden. Perhaps that is all that I am. Perhaps the time for anything beyond that is gone."

"A life with nothing to drive you beyond duty and obligation is not a life, Elissa." All of his efforts, all that he had tried to show her, and still there she stood – a broken remnant of what she should have been. "A life without love is nothing at all."

"Then nothing will have to be enough." She turned a sad smile to him, stopping for a moment to stroke his cheek one last time before she left. Even if the damage could be repaired, things between them would never be the same.


	35. Chapter 35: Reconcilliation

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N**: Antivan Translation: Lady Death. _

_Thanks to my readers, reviewers and followers and to my ladies beta **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Chapter Thirty-Five: Reconciliation<span>_**

"I need to make a trip to Amaranthine." Elissa was buckling up the last of her armor as she spoke to the elf who leaned casually against her door frame. "Accompany me, would you? I have no desire to listen to yet another round of '_you shouldn't travel alone'_ from any of the likely sources."

"You need only ask, my Warden." Zevran sketched a slight bow with his response, his casual smile keeping the constant churning of his thoughts well hidden.

It had been several days since Elissa had severed any sort of relationship she might have had with both The Mage and The Archer. Both had sought her out in the aftermath, hoping to mend what had been broken or at least to understand what had happened to bring them where they were. Elissa had been civil and respectful in her treatment of them, but completely unwilling to bend on her decision to distance herself from anything personal and focus entirely on her role as Warden-Commander.

Anders and Nathaniel had been visibly shaken by her sudden withdrawal, while Elissa seemed focused and steady. It was easy to see how an outsider could believe that she was cold and unphased by what had transpired, but Zevran knew better. He shared her living space and walked the paces of her daily routines. He saw the sorrow etched hard into her features when she thought no one was watching, and heard the mutterings of nightmares that had little to do with her reawakened connection to the taint.

He wondered if she was truly making the kind of progress in taming her personal demons that she showed to the world, or if this was yet another of her well constructed illusions destined to fade with the first test of its strength. He chose to believe the former. With a new war looming on the horizon, the other possibility was simply too terrifying to consider.

* * *

><p>Zevran stood outside the small, nondescript room at the Crown &amp; Lion, offering what privacy he could to the two women speaking in hushed voices just inside the half closed door.<p>

"Keenan always said he joined the Wardens to give me a better life," the woman snorted, her words a mix of fury and grief. "Was it really better for me to be alone in a country I did not know? Was it really better for me to wait, knowing one day this news would come? I deserved a husband who was _here_, I deserved a family, I deserved… I deserved better than this!"

"To keep our world safe… To keep those we love safe, we must all make sacrifices." Elissa's words were measured, logical, but Zevran knew her too well to believe there weren't a number of emotions churning violently away beneath the surface. "None make one greater than that of the Grey Wardens. I am _sorry_ for your loss, Nida – but know that your husband died for the greater good. He died so that—"

"My husband made that sacrifice _willingly_, never asking if I felt the same, never considering if I might have needs of my own." The woman turned her back on Elissa, effectively ending the conversation. "Love can only take you so far."

Elissa stood a moment long, staring at the woman's back as though she wanted to say something more, but the words would not come. Eventually she took her leave, pulling the door shut softly behind her.

"So, _Doamna Mortii_… do you subscribe to this life of ultimate sacrifice yourself, or were those merely words fashioned to serve your purpose for a time?"

When Elissa had asked to be accompanied into the city, Zevran would never have guessed she'd come to return the wedding band of a fallen Warden – especially when she had practically spat on the man in the last moments of his life. Now that he knew, he found himself even more puzzled over her ever more mercurial mental state.

"I assume you're asking due to my most recent… decisions… with regard to my personal life," Elissa said, eyes shifting subtly in his direction as they made their way back out of the inn to retrieve their horses. "You've certainly never shown any interest in my philosophies before, unless it was of use to you in inserting yourself where Alistair was vacant."

"You wound me, my Warden." Zevran flinched and clutched at his chest, using his comical exaggeration of the gesture to disguise how much her words actually hurt him. If she could still believe him so shallow after all the years they had spent together it made him wonder if she'd ever really known him at all. "I have ever looked out for your well being, though I might not have inquired with words on every occasion. Of late, you seem to have regained some of the focus you had when first we met—"

"When first you tried to kill me." She smiled, and the elf couldn't help but return it.

"Ah, memories." Zevran sighed, turning to enter the stall that held their horses. "But, you distract me with your flirtations. Even the best-forged steel will break, my Warden, and I have seen you near to breaking so often since we traveled to this horrible part of the country I fear… There is a war coming. You have said this yourself."

"I am ready, Zevran. My mistake was in believing there was anything left for me beyond the reach of my blades. I know that now." There was no sadness in her words, merely calm resolve. "I should never have involved myself with any of them, even Alistair. I am a Grey Warden, the Warden-Commander, and that is _all_ that I am."

Zevran doubted the subject had been put to rest with the finality that her words should have given him, but he could now move forward refocused with the belief that, at least for now, the storm had passed.

* * *

><p>"What is this?" Nathaniel demanded.<p>

The bow clattered against Elissa's desk, sending the stack of missives she'd been sorting through fluttering to the floor in the puff of air that followed. She looked up at Nathaniel who stood, arms folded, glaring down at her as though she'd put some creepy crawly in his tea like she'd been known to do as a child.

"It's a bow," Elissa replied.

"Yes, Elissa, I can see that." He was not amused, though she had not intended her response to be humorous. "The problem with that is I _have_ a bow, a perfectly good bow. Which means this is an unnecessary extravagance."

"It was no extravagance. I had Wade craft it from the heartwood we salvaged from the Ancient Sylvan we were forced to kill in the Wending Wood. It seemed too much a tragedy that his sacrifice be for nothing." She ran her fingers over the silvered wood with sadness. She knew from her conversations with Lanaya how few of the old ones remained. It had been hard for her to take another one from the world, even if it was tainted beyond redemption. "And I am not insulting the quality of your grandfather's bow. It has served you well, but I know how much you value it. I thought perhaps you might wish to retire it for sentimental purposes, and wield this one instead."

Nathaniel reached down to retrieve the bow, his posture softening as he accepted her words at face value. "This gift will not buy my favor."

"Nor was it intended as such," Elissa assured him, her face and voice unaffected by his casual mention of their recent indiscretion. "I requested it be crafted some time ago. That it was finished and delivered to you now was merely a poorly timed accident."

Nathaniel held her eyes for a moment longer, searching for any sign of hesitation that would give her away as a liar, searching for any sign that she cared at all – but there was nothing. She looked back at him with the eyes of the Warden-Commander. Elissa, _his _Elissa, the woman who had lain in his arms a few short days ago, was all but gone.

* * *

><p>"Do you have a moment?" Elissa stood just outside the door to the space Anders' had claimed for his clinic waiting to be acknowledged.<p>

"That depends on who's asking," Anders replied, looking up from the stack of documents he'd been thumbing through with regard to incoming medical supplies. "Is it _you_ wanting to speak to me, or the Warden-Commander?"

It was too soon for her to be here, Elissa knew that. These wounds were too raw, too sensitive – but she had to speak to him with regard to the preparations being made for the coming war, and she knew better than to send a messenger in her place.

"I _am_ the Warden-Commander, Anders. Either way you look at it, it is me requesting to speak to you," she replied, taking care to choose her words with as much decorum as was possible. "I didn't come here to pick a fight. I came here to inquire as to how the supply of poultices and potions was coming along and to make sure there was nothing more you needed from me in that regard."

"The last of the supplies I requested should be coming in tomorrow." His answer was as measured as her own, each word – each sound carefully chosen to hide whatever emotion lay behind them. "We are well stocked on a variety of poultices, and our lyrium stock is up to a much more acceptable standard now that we have multiple mages who require it. I'm a bit lower on bandages and the ingredients required for certain… _other_… concoctions than I might like, but that should be corrected with tomorrow's delivery."

"Very well." Elissa nodded her head, shifting with the intention of taking her leave. "If there is anything you require, send word and I will ensure that you have it."

"Is this how it's to be now?" Anders watched her turn back, the slow flick of her eyes onto his revealing none of her thoughts or emotions. "Speaking only to each other when our vocation requires it of us? Pretending there isn't anything else between us? Pretending there never was?"

"For now, yes. It is better this way." Her eyes moved with him as he paced closer to where she stood, and she fought the urge to increase the physical distance he was closing. "Perhaps in time—"

"Perhaps in time? Perhaps in time what?" He stopped close enough to touch her, but did not reach out to do so. "Everything else aside, Elissa… I miss you, _just_ you. I miss my friend."

"I'm sorry, Anders. I can't afford the loss of focus that would come with trying to be your friend right now. Not after everything that's happened." Elissa moved away, pausing in the shadows of the hall to look back one last time to where he stood in the warm light of his clinic. "But for what it's worth, I miss you too."

Her face was concealed in the darkness of the long hall, but he could hear in the sound of her voice just how much she meant it.

* * *

><p><em>You must be ready, my Grey Lady… The Mother, she is coming for you…<em>

The words echoed through Elissa's mind, even as The Architect's image faded with an insistent pounding at her door. She tossed back the blankets and tugged on a shirt, verifying in a glance out her window that it was still a few hours shy of dawn.

Cecile stood outside her door, her usual nervous habits amplified by whatever had sent her running to her commander's door in the night. "C-commander, Varel sent me to collect you. One of the forward scouts has returned with reports of a darkspawn army gathering some distance from Amaranthine."

"Let me dress. Tell Varel I'll be along momentarily and have him wake the other Wardens." Elissa watched the small blonde scuttle away to relay the message, falling back against her door for a moment when she'd closed it once again. _And so it begins…_


	36. Chapter 36: No Sleep 'Til Amaranthine

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Sorry for the lengthy pause between chapters! Real world and a cranky muse conspired to make this one difficult to write. Here's hoping it came out okay in the end :D_

_Antivan Translations: _

_1. Beautiful. _

_2. I shall follow your lead, my goddess._

_Muse Music: Search and Destroy by 30 Seconds to Mars. _

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! And to my betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Thirty-Six: No Sleep 'Til Amaranthine<strong>_

When Elissa made it to the throne room a small group of the Amaranthine nobility had gathered there along with her Wardens. Armed to the teeth and outfitted in her sinister-looking new suit of armor, she cut through the crowd with her presence alone. As she settled herself on the dais, she watched as looks of fear and awe filtered across the faces in front of her. This was not the fragmented mess Elissa had devolved into following the fall of the Archdemon, this was the Warden-Commander in her element, and the change was striking.

"Commander, many of the lords have gathered. Word is out that the darkspawn have fielded armies and they wish to know how you plan to protect them," Varel muttered, leaning down to catch her ear as she sat.

"These people _do_ realize I led the army that ended the Blight, do they not?" Elissa arched an eyebrow up at the wizened old man and shared a half smile. "I'm absolute rubbish at any of this other nonsense, but battle, strategy and slaughter? These things I'm actually quite good at."

The nobility got louder, interpreting Elissa's brief conference with her Seneschal as further refusal to address their needs. Elissa listened to them mutter and mumble and postulate before she simply couldn't ignore them anymore.

"Assemble the men, Varel. We're going to war." The muttering got louder, several people complaining that the farms and villages of the plains would be lost to the encroaching swarm. "The enemy has shown themselves. Our best chance is to strike now and strike hard. Casualties are an unfortunate part of battle."

Elissa continued to argue her logic with Lord Eddelbrek and a couple of his supporters, before being interrupted by another returning scout.

"Commander! Commander!" The woman skidded to a stop just short of the dais, struggling to catch her breath enough to speak clearly. "The army is within sight of Amaranthine!"

"Maker protect us! They're attacking the city?" Lord Eddelbrek gasped, changing the tone of the chatter passing through the crowd once again.

"A garrison of the Keep's soldiers still remain in the city. She will not fall easily." Captain Garevel assured them, offering an encouraging nod to Elissa.

"We cannot gather and deploy our full force in time to intervene in that battle…" Varel began, sharing a look of concern with Elissa as she passed her eyes over the crowd and altered her plans.

"No, we cannot. But a _small_ band could make it in time." Elissa pushed to her feet, tightening several of the buckles that bound her new armor. "I will lead them myself."

"This is suicide!" Eddelbrek insisted, fearing that the Commander's rumored insanity might actually be true.

"If anyone can turn this tide, it is the Commander," Varel insisted, backing the frantic crowd away. "Now, who will you be taking?"

"Zevran, Oghren, Anders and Nathaniel," Elissa rattled the list off, asking no one for concession. "The others will remain here to bolster the forces being recalled to the Keep. Once the armies have gathered, proceed to the city. If we are lucky we will trap the darkspawn in between us."

The group she had named fell in at her sides as she rattled off any remaining orders, and those who had not been chosen stepped forward to say what could in all likelihood be their last goodbyes.

Jowan was the first to approach her, his eyes shifting anxiously between the ground and her face as he struggled to find the words to say whatever it was that had pushed him to seek her out.

"I-If you were to fall—"

"Nice, Jowan. Very nice," Anders interrupted, glaring unappreciatively at his fellow mage.

"It is possible, Anders. I am not immortal. Let him speak." Elissa flicked her eyes over to his, a strength behind her words that belied their calm utterance and silenced anything he may have had to offer in response.

"If you do not return, would those of us you freed from the tower be forced to return?" Jowan fiddled with the edges of his sleeves, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

"You are a _Warden_ now, Jowan. That does not change whether I am living or dead," Elissa assured him, watching the slow intake of breath as he relaxed with her words. "The Chantry no longer holds any claim on you, or the brothers and sisters at your side. Should I fall, Alistair will support that. Regardless of how we may feel toward one another at the moment, on this point we will always agree."

"I won't let you down." Jowan held her eyes as he spoke this time, and Elissa saw the steel will that had brought him through a life with little more than torment shining there like a beacon.

"There has never been a doubt in my mind that you would." Elissa pressed a hand to his shoulder and smiled. "Fight well, Jowan. And if I do not see you again, live your life freely and without regret."

Jowan nodded at her one last time before he moved away to join the group who was staying behind at the Keep.

As he departed, Elissa caught Velanna's eyes and motioned her over. "I will not order you to remain, Velanna, but I think that our forces would benefit from your talents."

"And should I stay, what am I to do once this is over?" the elf asked, brow furrowed in frustration as she considered her options. "There has been no sign of my sister, and I see no reason she would be brought forward as part of an army."

"I gave you my word that we would search for your sister. I do not give that lightly," Elissa insisted, leveling a neutral gaze at the woman in front of her. "Once this business with the invading army is settled, we will have to go in search of any remaining clusters of darkspawn else they will surely organize and attack again. It would be a perfect opportunity to search for your sister."

"Agreed."

It was as close to civil as things were ever likely to be between them. Elissa dismissed her with a wave, turning her attention to Sigrun who had left Nathaniel with a lengthy hug and a comment she could only imagine the content of to have left him so red in the face.

"Fighting a horde of darkspawn with almost certain death waiting? I thought that was the Legion's job." Sigrun chuckled, smiling as she stopped at Elissa's side.

"A job the Wardens share," Elissa said, smiling back at her. "I have left instructions with Varel that you are to travel with an escort of your choice to Kardol should I fail to return. He will need to be warned of what is coming. Even if the 'spawn beneath Orzammar have not yet been affected by this change, it is only a matter of time before it progresses. The dwarves will need time to prepare, and none are better suited to launch this defense than the Legion."

"You'd set me loose in the Deep Roads with your archer?" Sigrun winked at Nathaniel, bringing a low laugh out of Elissa as he cleared his throat and colored again.

"If Nathaniel returns and you desire his company, you will find few better escorts than he. And if I fall, he will need the distraction." Elissa cleared her throat and turned to the dwarf. "You are a good friend to him, Sigrun. The kind he deserves. Please promise me you will watch over him should the worst come to pass. He should not lose himself to grief or anger on my behalf. I am not worth the effort."

"I'll do what I can." Sigrun nodded her head and offered a slight smile. "But that's not a battle I'd look forward to, so… do me a favor and just come back _with_ him. Save us all the trouble."

Elissa nodded, unwilling to verbally commit herself to anything she had such limited ability to control. Her acknowledgement seemed to be enough to satisfy Sigrun who walked over to speak to Anders as Justice approached her.

"I know on occasion you and I have not seen eye to eye—" The Spirit began, helmet tucked under his arm so that he could look Elissa in the face for what could be the last time.

"Certainly even _you_ know that is putting it mildly, Justice. You and I have rarely agreed on anything." Elissa chuckled, uncertain if Justice would understand her attempt at humor, as he very often did not. "It is odd, now that I think on it. I used to be very much like you, seeing the world in stark contrasts – what is good versus what is bad, what is right versus what is wrong. But time and circumstance have changed me, and I can no longer operate in a world so easily defined."

"We have discussed this before." Justice acknowledged her words with a slight nod of his head. "Between what I know of you and what I have seen of Kristoff's memories, I understand that the Wardens must do whatever is necessary to protect against the darkspawn. Though I may not agree with your methods, I agree with the impetus behind them. On this, you should have no doubt."

"If I didn't know better, spirit, I'd think you were giving me a compliment."

Justice stood silent, weighing out the words he wished to say to her.

"If ever I had my doubts of you, they were erased when you stepped up and took this task for your own." He turned and offered his hand to Elissa, who took it with a smile. "Go. Fight nobly, fight well, and if you die – die with honor and find your peace with the heroes of The Fade."

"I am sorry I could not find a way to send you back, Justice." Elissa realized as she said the words just how sincere they were.

"There is yet time." Justice released her hand and stalked over to join those who were staying behind.

Elissa took one last moment to look out over the Keep. Once a second home, then a place of nightmare, now made home again. She wondered if she would ever return.

"Alright. Those of you with me, gather your things and head to the stables." Elissa watched as her orders were followed without question and moved out the door.

* * *

><p>Elissa pushed them as hard as she could, anxious to make the trip into Amaranthine as quickly as possible. She began to sense the darkspawn several miles outside of the city, and had Nathaniel pick a copse of trees within which they could tether and disguise their horses before traveling the remainder of the distance on foot.<p>

She doubted there was even a small chance that such a dense collection of Wardens would not be sensed on approach, especially not with the strength of the taint in her own blood counted among them, but she was willing to gamble that they could get even a few seconds to gauge what they were up against undetected.

The ruined outer buildings just beyond Amaranthine's great gates were swarmed by darkspawn. Elissa could pick out genlocks, hurlocks and the disgusting grub like bodies of the childer among them, and though she could not see it – she could sense an alpha somewhere among the chaos. She drew her company down behind a thick growth of bushes and attempted to get a better read on what waited inside the walls.

"The main gates are closed," Anders noted, watching the few guards who had remained outside of them fighting back the darkspawn as best they could. "It's possible they have been kept out of the city at large."

"No, there are far more darkspawn than those we see here." Elissa shook her head, focusing in on the pull in her blood once again. "They may have closed the gates in an attempt to prevent more from getting inside but the city is under siege behind them."

Elissa drew out her swords, tilting her head to Zevran who seemed to vanish as he moved down the left alley. The darkspawn would never sense him coming as his blood held no traces of their own.

"We clear the outer buildings first, then approach the gates. There is an alpha in there. Zevran and I will seek him out from the shadows. You three down the drones, but be especially cautious with the Children." Elissa edged her way over to the right edge of the bushes, looking back at them over her shoulder with a wink and a half smile. "I'll meet you at the gate."

She was gone a moment later, and though Nathaniel and Anders both tried to find her, neither could track any sign of her in the chaos outside the gate. Oghren charged up the middle with his axe, hewing two drones and one of the childer grubs in half before they even had a chance to react to his presence.

Nathaniel plugged arrow after arrow into the swarm that Oghren had drawn in, keeping a wary eye out for any who might think to menace Anders who kept a constant stream of rejuvenating energy pumping into the warrior.

"Have you seen her yet?" Anders asked, watching as a group of childer grubs froze in anguish after tripping one of his glyphs, giving Nathaniel ample time to finish them off with his arrows.

"No." Nathaniel attempted to keep the irritation out of his tone as it had little to do with the mage at his side and more to do with the complete silence of anything via Elissa's conduit.

"Quit yer whinin' ladies!" Oghren bellowed, gesturing up to the right of the gate with his axe. "Elf's right there. The Commander won't be far behind."

In a small cluster of ruined houses The Assassin danced around a large heavily armored hurlock Nathaniel could only assume to be the Alpha Elissa had made reference to before vanishing to go in search of it.

The beast swiped at the elf, but Zevran was fast and easily dodged its blows, piquing its fury and ensuring that it was focused entirely on him – just as Elissa wanted him to do. No one saw her, save The Assassin who jumped back out of range as her blade popped out the front of the Alpha's chest.

Elissa materialized then, standing directly behind the creature and twisting the blade once more before pulling it loose and watching that final body collapse at her feet.

"_Bellisima!_" Zevran smiled, sheathing his blades and watching as Elissa cleaned her own.

"I bet you say that to all the girls." Elissa looked around once more, now certain that all she was sensing came from inside the sealed gates of the city.

Anders, Nathaniel and Oghren approached looking no worse for the wear – though she could sense Nathaniel was more than a little perturbed she had managed to stay hidden from him for so long. Elissa was about to discuss options for gaining access to the city proper when a haggard older couple rushed in from the surrounding forest.

"Warden-Commander!" The man grabbed hold of her gloved hand while his wife wailed at his side. "My family is trapped inside the city! Please, save them, I beg of you!"

Elissa searched for any words of assurance to offer them, but as her eyes passed over to the hysterical woman she recognized the signs of the taint already evident in her skin and her eyes. They may have escaped whatever horrors lay beyond the barricaded city gates, but they would not survive in the end.

"I will do what I can—" Elissa began, sharing a subtle look with Zevran that relayed what would have to be done with those showing signs of the taint before they could consider this battle won.

"There is nothing to be done, Commander."

The sound of another voice surprised Elissa, who turned to watch Constable Aidan and several of his men emerge from wherever this meager group of survivors had hidden away amongst the trees.

"It's not true!" The elderly man insisted, glaring at the soldiers. "They've barricaded anyone left inside the city walls. They want to burn it all!"

"_Burn it!"_ Nathaniel was livid, thoughts of Delilah and her family – _his_ family – trapped inside and suffering at the hands of these monsters.

Elissa could sense his fear and anger as it mingled with her own and reached over to calm him with a light hand on his arm. "Surely you are mistaken, Constable. We've only just arrived and my scouts' reports have the darkspawn army only hours ahead of us."

"The main force of them, yes. They only began assaulting the city at dawn. But a small swarm of these… _creatures_… emerged from beneath the city several nights ago. They spread a pestilence so virulent it destroyed everything they touched." The Constable cringed as the older woman started to sob even harder at the memory of what they had suffered. "Warden-Commander… I fear it might be too late. Amaranthine is lost."

"The city still stands!" Nathaniel insisted, taking another step forward to stand fully at Elissa's side. "As long as she stands, all is not lost."

"The buildings might remain, but there will be few survivors now that those creatures have run rampant for so long. The corruption i-it's…" The man trailed off, eyes grown distant and haunted as he caught sight of the same infection spreading in the couple at Elissa's side. "At least a quarter of the city succumbed within the first day."

"That loss is on _your_ head!" Nathaniel hissed, completely consumed by his fury. "You left them to die! Ran and hid in the woods like a coward!"

Though Elissa understood his anger, she also knew that it would solve nothing. She needed his focus. She needed _all_ their focus.

"My Warden is right to question your decision, Constable." Elissa kept her voice calm, reaching a subtle hand out to squeeze Nathaniel's arm and rein in his temper. "It is your job to see to the well-being of this city, and yet we find you hiding in the forest while Amaranthine lies under siege."

Though her voice had given an appearance of calm, Elissa's words had left no room for misinterpretation. She was displeased with the Constable's decisions, and the rumors regarding the Warden-Commander's infamous temper were known even outside of the Keep. The man shifted nervously in front of her searching for an explanation that would be acceptable to the irritable young woman, but lost focus when a haggard looking Sergeant yelled over to them from his post near the road.

"Constable! There is a lone darkspawn approaching!"

Elissa's eyes flickered away from the Constable's face and onto the road, instantly recognizing the distinct armor of the Architect's elite.

"Stand down!" She pushed through the crowd, raising her voice to ensure no one could pretend _not_ to have heard her.

"But Warden-Commander… my archers can take him down easily before he reaches—"

"Things being done _your_ way have resulted in a city nearly lost while you hid away in the wood. I'm here now, and we'll be doing things _my_ way. So – again – I say _stand down_!" Elissa leveled a glare at the Constable that staggered him, before turning back to the lone darkspawn that now stood waiting to be acknowledged.

"Grey Lady." The odd creature sketched a vague imitation of a bow toward her before continuing with its message. "The Mother's army, it marches to the Vigil's Keep. The Architect, he sent me to warn you. You must save the Keep and then finish the Mother in her lair."

"Vigil's Keep is under attack?" Nathaniel turned his attention to the conversation, sharing a look of concern with Elissa as she thought on the truth of this message.

"The Grey Wardens… the Grey Lady is valuable to The Architect. The Mother, she knows this. She sends her army to take the Keep while you stay here distracted. When she is done, she will come for you." The creature paced anxiously, giving every impression that it was actually concerned for her well-being and the well-being of those under her command.

"If we leave now, we may be able to make it back to the Keep in time to save it," Anders suggested, hoping that there was more validity than bravado in those words.

"And what of the darkspawn here?" Nathaniel snipped, temper rising again at the thought that they would walk away having done nothing. "Do we leave them to run rampant among the helpless even longer? If we leave now, Amaranthine will truly be lost."

"These here are not your concern," the messenger insisted, turning his own pleas back to Elissa. "Soon the forces here will leave to join the others at the Vigil's Keep. The Mother, she wants it destroyed utterly!"

"This creature has a point, my Warden," Zevran noted, sauntering up to Elissa with Oghren at his side. "Should we decide to turn our attentions back to the Keep, we should not do so with even a small force running at our heels."

"If the city's lost, burn it. Those monsters barbecue just like anythin' squishy!" Oghren leveled a meaningful glare at the Messenger, watching the creature shift uncomfortably.

"You would _burn_ the innocent? Women and children and…" Nathaniel was livid; it was all Elissa could do to hold him at bay. "My _sister_ is in there! You would burn her?"

"I'm sorry." Elissa turned her eyes back to the messenger. "I must have faith in the fortress I have built and in the forces I left behind. I will not abandon Amaranthine without even trying."

"If we destroy this city knowing nothing of who might still live inside it, we are no better than the darkspawn," Anders offered his support, seeing that Elissa now stood divided between those who wanted to stay – and those who thought the best option was to go. "The Commander is right. We have to try."

"I do not wish to see fire ravage these streets, Doamna Mortii – but I fear that it may be our only chance," Zevran insisted, standing without flinching in the face of Nathaniel's continued anger.

"What if there is a chance, no matter how small, that we could save someone – _anyone_?" Elissa held his eyes steadily. She needed him with her on this. She needed them all.

"It would take a miracle—" Zevran began.

"I have come back from the dead, Zev. How much more proof do you need to see that I can work miracles?" Elissa smiled at him, watching him come around to her way of thinking.

"_Seguirò__ il vostro esempio__, la mia __dea._" Zevran bowed, and settled back at her side, watching as she drew in a short relieved breath.

"And you, Oghren? What if that was _your_ family in there? What if it was Felsi and the baby?" Elissa asked, knowing she was taking a cheap shot at her friend's one true weakness, but needing him at her side.

"I would risk everythin'." Oghren sighed, meeting Nathaniel's eyes long enough to acknowledge that the fury there could easily be his own. "The Wardens, the Keep, sod – I'd even risk you. Stone! Come on. We've got a city to save."

Elissa beamed at them all. Her Wardens, together, willing to risk it all for even the chance that an innocent life might be spared. This is what she had wanted for them, and somehow in spite of all her errors and missteps, she had gotten them to this point regardless.

"No… no, Grey Lady!" The Messenger stepped forward, placing himself bodily in between Elissa and the main city gates. "If you stay here, then The Mother will get what she wants. You must go, you must—"

"Fight with us." Elissa had made this suggestion before to one of the awakened darkspawn, and it had resulted in laughter – but this time, she could see it hesitating. "Make a stand, and once we have ensured the safety of the city, we will follow you to seek out The Mother. On that, you have my word."

There was a moment of hesitation, but then the creature's spine straightened and he moved forward to stand with the rest of those following her into the city. "I will go. I will do as the Grey Lady bids."

Elissa stood a moment longer listening to the screams that filtered up from the burning city just beyond the gates. It could have just as easily been Denerim years before – and then there had been no hesitation – only resolve. The decision had been made. They would fight to save Amaranthine and her people. Vigil's Keep would have to hold.


	37. Chapter 37: Warning Signs

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Another long delay. Apologies. Hope it was worth the wait :) _

_Muse Music: Warning Signs by The Anix_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my ladies beta **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Thirty-Seven: Warning Signs<strong>_

Elissa stared at the half-faded map of Amaranthine one more time before beginning to speak. "During the siege on Denerim, the darkspawn spread several generals throughout the city to issue orders to the remaining horde. I'd wager the same to be true now. Even sentient darkspawn would be unlikely to organize themselves to this extent without something calling the shots."

"If we set a course around the city, we should be able to identify and eliminate the leadership and rescue any survivors as we proceed through the city." Nathaniel stepped forward and eyed the map himself, his mind latching instantly to the path of least resistance.

"I agree," Elissa echoed his sentiment, though she did not meet his eyes – instead tracing a finger along the path she intended to take. "We will press forward along this grid toward the Chantry. Whatever resistance remains will likely be making a stand there as it is the most heavily fortified building within the city walls."

Elissa had not chosen the most logical path, but no one dared to question it, not even Nathaniel. She was plotting a course toward Delilah's home, and whatever her intentions he would not object to any efforts made to save what remained of his family.

"Anyone found alive comes with us. _Anyone_. Am I understood?" Elissa stood and passed her eyes over the group she'd brought along, watching the recognition that she was forgoing her usual manner of dealing with those tainted by the Blight in this instance. "These people were abandoned. They were left without hope. They were left to die. I will not show myself a savior only to take that away from them; not today."

Again, there was no argument. Elissa didn't know whether it was because the air around her crackled with the tension she generated, or because for once they saw the method behind her madness – but neither did she care.

"Any of you who want to come along and offer support will be welcome among us." Elissa turned to the constable and the small group of men that had abandoned the city in its time of need, and offered them a chance at redemption, noting the three men who stepped forward and leveling a heavy glare back at Constable Aidan who was not among them. "The rest of you, feel free to go back and cower among the trees."

Elissa turned her focus away from the cowardly men and pressed the call within her blood, tracking through her senses out across the city and fighting the urge to spit more anger back at those who had left innocents to such a fate.

"I can't make sense of this chaos. Can you?" Anders stood beside her, pushing down the nausea that always came with his reading of the taint and attempting to offer any support he could.

Inside the city new fires sprung to life and houses that had been heavily damaged creaked and crumbled as walls and rooftops tumbled to the ground. It was odd and without a discernable logic which made the sentient darkspawns' motives even more difficult to decipher.

"The city is swarmed. It is difficult to make sense of it, but I'd wager that's been done with the intent of deterring anyone who would attempt to enter." Elissa drew out her blades, flicking them through a quick turn of her wrists before setting the group in motion. "Zevran and I will scout houses and pull out any survivors. Oghren, keep anything outside focused on you. Aidan's men and The Messenger will aid in that endeavor. Nathaniel, keep them off those we rescue and the healer – and Anders, conserve your mana but offer what support you can. We don't know what we're up against, and I'd rather keep you away from the lyrium draughts for as long as I can."

She charged forward after that, darting in and out of shadows with The Assassin. Many of the buildings were in flames, though whether the incineration came at the hands of the darkspawn or in the desperate fear of those left alive she did not know. Every now and then, Elissa or Zevran would reappear from one of the houses or shops with one or two people who had managed to survive, but most often, they found only the bodies of those they had been too late to rescue.

Hurlocks and genlocks were scattered throughout the city, but the overwhelming presence of the childer made it obvious this attack, just as The Messenger had claimed, was sent directly by The Mother.

Elissa ran another of the adult childer through with her blade, waving Nathaniel forward as Delilah's home came into view. The structure seemed undamaged, but Elissa could sense a powerful wave of tainted blood calling out to her from inside.

"So far as I can tell, there is only one general in the city, Nathaniel… and it's in there." Elissa knew what this information would do to him, but saw no option other than revealing the truth. Were it Fergus behind those walls, she would want to know the odds before looking to see what had happened.

"Delilah!" Nathaniel started to press forward, but Elissa stopped him with a hand against his chest.

"It is not alone." Her eyes held his with enough authority to make him understand her point. "They know we are here just as we know they are, so we no longer have the advantage of surprise – but if I am right, that will not matter."

"If you are right?" Nathaniel's brow knitted in confusion, his ability to follow Elissa's logic waning as the fear for his sister's safety grew.

"I'd wager they are being held with intention."

"You think they've been taken prisoner?" Nathaniel's eyes flashed with recognition before darting over to the door as though he could discern something of what lay behind it by reading the wood grain.

"Yes. I think scouts have been watching us for awhile, here in the city, back at the keep. I think they have noted who is important to us and where we go." Elissa edged closer to the door as she spoke, waving Zevran forward and whispering to him low in Antivan – watching him disappear around the corner of the home in the wake of her words. "If I am correct, then everyone inside is alive. But you should prepare yourself in case I am not."

"I'll not prepare myself for a conclusion that may not come." Nathaniel shook off her suggestion, drawing his bow up to ready. "If there is hope to be had, I will hold to it until it is no longer."

"Nathaniel, I…"

"Go. We waste time here." Nathaniel edged her forward, ending the discussion by refusing to hear any more of her words.

* * *

><p>Were it not for the two hurlocks standing guard just inside the door and the Disciple looming over the frightened couple near the hearth, it may have appeared like any other day.<p>

Elissa had sheathed her blades before stepping inside, insisting that her fellow Wardens do the same. If this was a hostage situation as she wagered, they would need to appear cooperative for as long as possible.

"The Mother, she is being right again." The Disciple hissed, its skeletal features curving into an unsettling grin as it turned to face Elissa. "Take this family, she said. Take them and the Warden-Commander, she will come."

"And here I am." Elissa met Delilah's eyes long enough to relay some sort of security before shifting her face back into the arrogant neutrality of the Warden-Commander. "Your… _Mother_… needs to learn a thing or two about decorum. If she wished to have a discussion with me, she could certainly have sought me out in a far more civil manner."

"Discussion?" The Disciple laughed, a crackling, edgy sound that vibrated through the room. "The Mother is having no discussion. The Warden-Commander will offer unconditional surrender. The Warden-Commander will be escorted to The Mother. The Warden-Commander will be put to death in warning to any who would follow. The Mother, she will no longer be tolerating you or any of your kind."

_Nathaniel. Take to the shadows and eliminate the left guard on my signal. Zevran has the right._

Nathaniel made no move to acknowledge the words Elissa pressed forward into his mind, knowing that anything he did was likely to tip off the wary Disciple that stood within arms reach of his very pregnant sister.

She chuckled in response to The Disciple's arrogant assertion, pacing slightly closer to him, though careful not to arouse his suspicions. "You are taking an awful lot on faith here. Who's to say that I intend to come peacefully? Who's to say that I intend to come at all?"

"You have no choice, Warden-Commander. Your threats are empty. Your words mean nothing." The Disciple could sense victory within its grasp, tilting its chin up at an arrogant angle and leveling a haughty stare in her direction. "You will be coming with us. You will be offering no trouble. If you do, we will be killing this family. We will be starting with the child."

"_No!_" Delilah was frantic; while Albert did the best he could to act as a barrier between them. Elissa felt the flare of Nathaniel's temper reaching unmanageable levels and knew she was out of time.

"It seems I am left with no other options," Elissa said, leaning her face forward to stare at the floor – obscuring any intentions that may have read on her face from the curious eyes of The Disciple.

He did not notice the subtle movement of her fingers sending both Zevran and Nathaniel into action, and by the time his focus had shifted back from Nathaniel's apparent vanishing act, Elissa was armed and upon him.

"Flip that table over, get behind it!" Elissa yelled, shifting herself between Albert and The Disciple with three quick steps and blocking his heavy blow with crossed blades. "Do not come out until I tell you it is clear!"

Albert scrambled to do as he was told, shuffling Delilah off behind him as Zevran's target dropped hard to the floor bleeding dark blood out into the threadbare carpeting. Delilah stifled a scream as she caught sight of Nathaniel nearly taking the head off the second guard in his fury, turning her face into her husband's shoulder and closing her eyes against the horrors.

"You may have won this round, Warden-Commander, but the battle is far from over." The Disciple's laughter echoed out into the room again, though he lay pressed against the wall held fast at the end of Elissa's blade.

"The battle is never over," Elissa replied, pressing the blade forward until it made contact with the wall, then twisting it with such force that The Disciple's head popped loose and rolled off to the corner.

Elissa took in several deep breaths before cleaning off her blades and re-sheathing them at her back. Nathaniel was already at Delilah's side; helping her to her feet and offering what comfort he could as she sobbed against his chest. Anders did a quick inspection, before making his way back to her side.

"Nathaniel's sister and the baby are miraculously unharmed, though she is understandably shaken," Anders noted, unable to meet Elissa's eyes as he pressed forward with his observations. "Her husband has a wound on his arm. It appears to have come from a blade, I—"

"I know. I can sense it in his blood already. Make no mention of it now. I will address the issue when the time comes." Elissa shifted closer to the door, turning her attention back to him one more time. "Gather the others and meet me outside. We must press toward the Chantry now while we have an advantage. I dare not tarry here any longer."

Anders nodded, turning his attention back to Nathaniel and dreading what he knew would come before day's end.

* * *

><p>The Chantry was filled with sounds of prayer and gratitude as families reunited and those who had once seen no hope found themselves offered salvation at the hands of the Hero of Ferelden. This moment of rest, of reprieve and jubilation, did little to calm Elissa's frantic mind, though she hid the chaos well behind the resolutely calm veneer of the Warden-Commander.<p>

Close to five hundred souls had made their homes within the walls of the city, and of those barely two hundred had survived – and even they would dwindle in number as the taint took hold in the great many who had been exposed. Elissa took in a deep breath and made her way up to the Revered Mother and Ser Rylien where they stood near the rear of the chapel hall.

"Ladies, might I trouble you for a moment of your time?" Elissa watched the look of distaste barely hidden on the Revered Mother's face flicker into a false smile at her approach.

"But of course, Warden-Commander." The woman inclined her head and folded her fingers at her waist. "What can we do for you?"

"The large outbuilding just below the guard tower at the base of the hill, does that belong to the Chantry?" Elissa watched the women exchange glances, clearly wondering what it was she was hinting at.

"It does. Mostly it is used for storage for old relics and some supplies. Why?" Ser Rylien arched a brow at her, folding her heavily armored arms across her chest.

"I'd like to take a few people down and convert it to an infirmary. We will need to separate those suffering signs of the taint from the remainder of the survivors as soon as possible." Elissa sighed when the utterances of disagreement began almost immediately, and waved them to silence with a flick of her wrist. "Look. You are full beyond capacity here, and this sickness will spread if we do not separate the ill from the healthy. I am asking for permission only to the extent that it does none of us good to sow the seeds of discord while the city hangs in such a fragile state. I _will_ do this, with or without your blessing – but it will go much easier if I have your support."

The women reluctantly gave their blessing, animosity rising as they no doubt felt backed into a corner by Elissa's poorly veiled threats – but she gave no more thought to this than she had the prayers and praise of the remaining citizenry of the city. She spoke in hurried whispers to the group of guardsmen who had survived the siege, sending them off to prepare the outbuilding to serve its purpose as a makeshift infirmary.

"Anders." She waved him over as the guardsmen exited the chantry, watching as his gaze passed across them with suspicion. "There's a group of Chantry sisters and two of the towns' herbalists gathered in the back room. I need you to go run them through the paces of changing bandages and tending to fever. Pay special attention to safety with regard to the spread of the taint."

"You intend to have these people cared for?" It was hard for Anders to wrap his mind around this change in Elissa's behavior. In the past she had always dealt with those exposed to the taint in a clinical and sometimes brutal fashion.

"I intend to see them made as comfortable as they can be until I can devise a more suitable solution. I'll not leave these people to suffer needlessly. If I cannot offer them a cure, the least I can do is give them what comforts can be offered until I do what must be done." Elissa's face was blank as she met his eyes, but her voice betrayed the security in that mask. Something about this was getting to her more than it normally would have.

Her eyes drifted back across the room, coming to rest once again on Delilah and her family. Nathaniel sat on one of the Chantry pews, a rare smile cutting across his face as he discussed something very animatedly with his brother-in- law. His sister stood nearby, relaxed and secure in the arms of her husband. Her _tainted_ husband.

"Perhaps it's just a cut. Perhaps—"

"The man is tainted. Pretending otherwise won't change that." Elissa's voice was cold as she moved away from him. "Please go and see to the caregivers. I have to begin identifying the sick so that we can move them to the infirmary as soon as possible."

Anders watched her walk away, and though her posture gave nothing away he could sense that the weight of the world had fallen again upon her shoulders.

* * *

><p>The infirmary was complete and the sick were already being moved into the adapted space when Elissa made her way over to where Delilah's husband stood just out of earshot of his family. He had watched Elissa separating out those showing signs of the taint with a careful eye, and now that she stood across from him, it seemed his time had come.<p>

"I knew when that blade hit my arm I was done for." Albert's voice was surprisingly calm though he was acknowledging his own mortality. "May I have a few moments to say goodbye to them? I can't imagine I will see them again."

"Of course." Elissa watched as he walked over to rejoin his family, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on his wife's face before speaking softly to her. She watched recognition dawn on her old friend's face as her eyes darted over to the doorway where Elissa stood waiting. She watched Delilah struggle to stand against Nathaniel's arm and stride angrily in her direction.

"You're sending Albert off to the infirmary because of a cut on his arm?" Delilah's body language screamed frustration though she was doing everything she could to remain calm. "It's just a _cut_, Elissa. It could have come from anywhere."

"It came from a tainted blade, Delilah. You know that as well as I do." Elissa kept her voice even with her response. She had known this battle was coming the moment she sensed the taint running within Albert's blood. "I am quarantining your husband and all others bearing signs of exposure for the good of those of you who are still healthy. It is all that I can do for the moment to delay the spread of this any further than it has already gone."

"And what then? I've seen you shuffling nursemaids off with the sick. Is there a treatment to be given?" Her eyes flickered back over to her family and she forced out a smile for their benefit though nothing about it was genuine.

"There is no cure." Elissa watched what was left of the strength fade from Delilah's features as she turned back in her direction.

"So… they're to be corralled off into that building and, what? Left to die?" Delilah's body was starting to shake as her temper rose.

"Go and spend the time you have with your family, Delilah. Remember Albert as he is now. You will not see him again." Elissa stood steadfast in the hateful stare the woman leveled in her direction. "One way or another, he will not survive exposure to the taint."

"One way or another? Meaning _what_ exactly?" Delilah searched her eyes for some remnant of the girl she had once known, but found nothing. "You intend to kill them! To execute the sick without even attempting to help them!"

"It is a mercy, Delilah. I know that you cannot see that now, but—"

"A _mercy_? You know nothing of mercy!" Delilah stepped forward, tears welling in her eyes as she faced off against the one person she never believed would betray her. "When I found out that you were alive again, I thanked the Maker – but you toy with my brother's heart and sentence my husband to death when you don't even know his name! To the Void with you, Elissa Cousland! You are _no_ hero! You are a monster, just like Father! To the Void with you!"

Delilah spat in her face before spinning and striding furiously back in her husband's direction. Elissa tugged a small scarf free of her pack, wiping off her face with as much decorum as possible before waving over one of the guards set to escort the next group of tainted down to the infirmary.

"That man is family. Every possible courtesy should be extended to him. Is that clear?" Elissa watched as Albert extricated himself from a sobbing Delilah and made his way over to them, sharing a stern gaze with Nathaniel before stepping outside to look out over the city.

When she heard the door open again, she didn't need to search her senses to know it was Nathaniel.

"What are you doing, Elissa?" Nathaniel stopped directly in front of where she'd taken a seat on the bench, blocking her view of the city.

"What has to be done."

"What has to be done?" He snorted, tugging his fingers through his hair in disbelief. "Is that your excuse for everything? That you were merely doing what _has_ to be done?"

"Yes." She had no intention of arguing. She had known this moment was coming just as she had expected the assault from Delilah.

"You aren't even going to defend yourself?"

"Defend myself from what, Nathaniel? I have done nothing wrong." Elissa stood then, as casually as she could muster, and willed her voice to remain calm and not betray the heartbreak and fury underneath. "Would you have me leave the sick among those who have been resistant thus far? Would you have me expose your sister and her unborn child further to the taint _knowing_ how virulent this strain is – _knowing_ it would kill them both just as surely as it has those already gone?"

"There has to be a better way. There has to be—"

"And just what would that be?" Elissa cut him off mid thought, holding his eyes and daring him to come up with something she hadn't seen. "How would you deal with this dilemma?"

"You can put him through The Joining. You can make him a Warden," Nathaniel insisted, the muscle in his jaw flickering as though he knew the fault in that logic even as he spoke it.

"I cannot remake the world just for you, Nathaniel." Elissa's laughter was sad as she stepped around him, staring off into the dwindling light of day. "Your sister's husband is not a soldier, he is a craftsman, and even if he _could_ wield a blade – what makes him a better candidate than anyone else here? Or would you have me put them _all_ through the Joining to relieve your guilty conscience?"

"My sister's husband has a name." He was furious. Whether it was the cold logic of her words or her perceived ignorance of anything personal with regard to Delilah's family that broke him, Elissa didn't know. But the look in his eyes, the judgment in his voice, and the torrent of doubt and disbelief pouring into her through the conduit pushed her over the edge as well.

"Yes. I know. His name is Albert. And that man down there?" Elissa pointed to the infirmary at the bottom of the stairs below, turning Nathaniel's attention to the group being escorted inside. "His name is Relian. He is the last of his bloodline. When I execute him I will be ending his family line. The woman beside him, her name is Coraline. Her husband was killed during the Blight. He fought in the army that fell at Ostagar. She has three sons and a daughter, all of whom will be orphaned when I end her life."

Elissa turned her eyes back to Nathaniel once more. "Think that I am cold if you like. That I am heartless and clinical. But do not think that I do this without knowing what I am taking away. I know their names. I remember them all. They are carved into my soul just as they are inked into my skin. I take no joy in this - in the taking of innocent lives, but I do it to save more of them. I do what must be done."

She stood a moment longer before turning to the door, anxious to increase the distance between herself and yet another reminder of her inability to save anyone she loved from the pain and suffering that seemed to trail behind her like smoke.


	38. Chapter 38: Taking Help From All Sources

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** I realize I'm breaking what is a quick, brutal sequence in game apart into segments - but I think it's important so that consideration can be given to the amount of stuff that actually happens during this time period. There is simply too much to gloss over it by pressing through too fast. _

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers. I always love to hear what you have to say :D And thanks to my wonderful betas **artemiskat **and **Snarkoleptic**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Thirty-Eight: Taking Help From All Sources<strong>_

The short reprieve did little to soothe the frayed nerves of the city folk or the Wardens. Everyone knew the lack of darkspawn presence was more likely to mean The Mother's forces were gathering their strength for another attack rather than having been thwarted by the Wardens' valiant defense.

Tensions between the Wardens themselves were running high in the aftermath of Elissa's decision to quarantine Delilah's husband. Nathaniel kept vigil at his sister's side, seeing to her needs and casting furtive glances in Elissa's direction whenever her movement would catch his eye.

Elissa established a secure amount of distance from everyone, sequestering herself in the Revered Mother's office – much to the holy woman's chagrin – and poring over her notes for anything that could provide her with any advantage in predicting The Mother's next move.

Anders spent most of his time offering what comfort he could to the rattled citizens of Amaranthine. Though he knew there was little he could do to heal the emotional trauma of battling monsters through the night only to have half the survivors claimed by the taint regardless, he knew that sometimes healing the physical markings of the event and offering a few kind words did more than most would admit.

He was in the middle of fashioning a doll out of clean bandages for one of the newly orphaned children when one of the guardsmen Elissa had posted outside the Chantry came rushing through the sanctuary toward the office at the back. The look on his face was more than enough to send all of the Wardens trailing in his wake to hear whatever news he had come to deliver.

"W-Warden-Commander." The guardsman shuffled nervously just outsider her door, waiting for her to acknowledge his presence before continuing. "The darkspawn are launching a new assault on the city. To our knowledge we've barricaded all the entry points, but they still seem to be breaking through somehow."

"Breaking through where?" Elissa pushed to her feet, snapping her journal shut and securing her blades at her back as she followed the guardsman back toward the Chantry doors.

"It appears as though they're coming from inside the Crown & Lion." The guard looked as though he fully expected her to question his sanity for suggesting such a thing, but Elissa looked up to catch Nathaniel's eye – knowing immediately how they were getting in.

"They must be using the old passageways from Smugglers' Cove. Those surface outside the city walls. I should have had them sealed long ago." Elissa worried at the bridge of her nose, knowing this error could easily cost them more lives but unable to do anything more than fight against this next wave. "Pull _all_ guards back to this section of the city. The Chantry and the Infirmary must be protected at all costs. I will take my team and deal with those invading through the inn."

"Maker bless you, Warden-Commander." The shaken man bowed low, as though this reverence would erase the scar left by his earlier cowardice.

"The Maker stopped caring about me some time ago. Best to keep those blessings for yourself and those you are here to protect," Elissa replied, pushing out the Chantry doors and running a quick scan of her surroundings until she found the specific trace she'd been looking for.

As though he'd been called, The Messenger emerged from the shadows just outside the Chantry where he'd been waiting for Elissa's next move. He stalked closer to her side, stopping just out of range of the rest of the Wardens who seemed just as likely to kill him as to speak with him.

"We go to stave off the next wave of soldiers in The Mother's army. Will you come with us?" Elissa held the creature's milky gaze. Though it had been cooperative up until now, she knew that could easily change – but the creature stood steadfast in front of her.

"Yes, Grey Lady. The Mother, she is knowing that her first initiative has resulted in failure. She is sending more soldiers to assail you here and at The Keep. The Messenger will be helping you, so long as you will have him." The Messenger dipped its head respectfully as its words trailed off, waiting for further orders.

Elissa could sense the disapproval from the rest of her company with regard to taking a darkspawn, _any_ darkspawn, under her wing – and though her logical mind could understand their hesitation, she could sense nothing duplicitous in The Messenger's words or actions.

"Well, come along then." Elissa darted down the Chantry stairs, heading off toward the main entrance to the Crown & Lion Inn and leaving no room for further discussion on the subject.

Oghren had been an outcast and a drunk when she found him. Anders, an apostate accused of murder. Zevran had been an assassin attempting to take her life. Even Nathaniel did not come without warning signs, son of a traitorous father with a shadowy past of his own. Elissa had always taken help where she could find it, favoring potential utility over the labels society had branded upon someone. She hoped they would understand as she chose to do it again.

* * *

><p>The interior of the tavern exploded into chaos the moment Elissa kicked open the front door, sending her group scrambling to make up for what they lacked in numbers. The two drones and handful of childer grubs just inside the door were easily dispatched by the combination of Nathaniel's arrows and the expansive swings of Oghren's great axe – but that did little to thin the ranks they found themselves up against.<p>

Elissa could make out several of the adult childer as they advanced down the stairs from the upper portion of the inn. There were two Alphas that she could see, a hurlock and a sniper, and another that she could sense though she could not lay her eyes upon it. It was unsettling that one of them had foresight enough to remain hidden, but she could not focus upon that fact with so much she could see to contend with.

She sent Zevran off after the sniper, wanting him taken out of the mix as quickly as possible, while she waded through the newest wave of childer to take on the hurlock. Oghren waded into the middle of the crowd and pulled the attention of anything he could in his direction, giving Nathaniel and The Messenger ample time to finish them off while Anders offered what support he could pinned down just inside the door.

He lost sight of Elissa as she darted inside the kitchen door in pursuit of the Alpha she'd chosen to target, and attempted to move forward in search of her. His change in position drew Nathaniel's focus as he'd taken himself out of the circle of protection offered by his company in an attempt to get to Elissa. It was in that moment the final Alpha made its position known, seeming to materialize out of thin air at the top of stairs and leveling a shot in Nathaniel's direction.

By the time Nathaniel noticed it, there was nothing he could do. No shift in position would be fast enough to save him from an injury that would prove to be fatal, and so he braced himself for the impact he knew would come – but the sound of the arrow piercing flesh and the pain that should have accompanied it did not come as he'd expected.

When he opened his eyes The Messenger stood in front of him, the arrow sent by the sniper's hand protruding from his upper chest and already running thick with blood. The creature fell back against Nathaniel, who caught him securely and dragged it over to the front corner of the room – tossing a table over to provide him some meager sense of protection.

"This shot would have killed me," Nathaniel said, inspecting the wound with careful fingers. Though the creature was bleeding heavily, the arrow had not pierced anything vital and he would survive if the arrow was to be removed and the wound treated in a timely fashion. "Why would you take it for your own?"

"You are following the Grey Lady, as am I," The Messenger responded, his words laden with the pain Nathaniel was certain he felt. "I am giving my life for hers. I am giving my life for you all."

Nathaniel wasn't sure how to respond to that assertion, though it was obvious that the creature meant it. What he knew of the Wardens both from Elissa and the tales of old gave no indication that the creatures had any intentions of working with the Wardens toward any sort of common goal. But the world was changing, and Nathaniel tried not to allow himself to feel unsettled by how much of that change seemed anchored upon Elissa and her specialized version of the taint as he waved Anders over to see to The Messengers wound.

Zevran and Oghren finished off the last of the stragglers as Anders made his way over from the kitchen to see what it was Nathaniel needed.

"Are you injured?" Anders asked, kneeling down and passing an inspecting eye over The Archer who seemed unharmed.

"Me, no." Nathaniel's eyes drew Anders down to where he was working loose the arrow that had lodged in The Messenger's shoulder. "But this is going to bleed even more once I dislodge the shaft. I'll need you to heal the injury. Bandages aren't going to do enough."

"You want me to heal a _darkspawn_?" Anders made no attempt to hide the disgust in those words, backing away from the spot in the corner to see if there was anything worth his attention. "You're as mad as she is if you think…"

His words trailed off as Elissa came into view, Oghren and Zevran close at her heels.

"What's going on?" She passed her eyes over the group in the corner; kneeling next to Nathaniel when she realized The Messenger had been injured in the fight.

"This darkspawn took an arrow meant for me. It saved my life, and I am attempting to return the favor but _the mage_ refuses to heal him." Nathaniel pressed his hands against the wound, attempting to stem the blood flow as much as he could – but it was an uphill battle. The creature would die if no one could convince Anders to offer his aid.

Elissa took in a deep breath, knowing that her words must be chosen carefully if she was to convince the reluctant healer to do what was necessary to have them all back on their feet. "I understand your hesitation, Anders. The Messenger _is_ a darkspawn; the instinct not to help him is a natural impulse – just as his instinct not to trust us must have been when I requested he offer his blade to our cause. Yet here he lays, a darkspawn who has taken an arrow to save the life of a Warden. Even if you were hesitant before now, that should be proof of his loyalty."

Still Anders stood motionless, puzzling over her words as though he couldn't quite make sense of them. Elissa stood and paced over to his side, holding his eyes as forcefully as she could without seeming too aggressive. "I know it defies logic, but this is one of those times when as Wardens we must travel in the grey area that marks the divide between what is right and what is wrong. I hope that you can see the necessity of that because I do not wish to order you to do this, though we both know that I can and will if that is what must be done."

Anders stood for a moment longer before giving in and kneeling next to the wounded darkspawn. He passed his hands over The Messenger's body, quickly finding the tears through tissue and muscle and binding them back together so that they could focus once again on the advancing segments of The Mother's army.

"Thank you," Elissa said, offering him a half smile as he made his way back to where Zevran and Oghren waited while she and Nathaniel helped The Messenger to his feet.

"Something powerful waits at the top of those stairs." Nathaniel's jaw was tense as Elissa looked in his direction, and she could sense just how little he wished to face the hurdles that obviously still stood in their way. What happened to Albert had scarred him, forcing him to face just how fragile they all were, and how much they stood to lose.

"Another of the Disciples if I had to guess." Elissa paced away from him, laying a hand on the banister of the staircase that would lead her to the upper landing. "Come along then."

She disappeared around the corner, forcing the others into an all out dash to regain the ground they had lost with her momentary head start. By the time they caught up with her she had fought her way through a series of childer grubs and was locked in battle with the Disciple she had predicted awaited them.

Nathaniel launched a quick burst of arrows in rapid succession that cleared the remaining childer from the area, then focused his fire in on the two hurlock drones that Oghren and Zevran had engaged as they emerged from a nearby doorway. The Messenger stood just in front of him and Anders, menacing anything that drifted too close with his sword and pushing them back just far enough that Nathaniel could finish them off with an arrow or two.

Soon the Disciple was all that remained of the forces which had penetrated the inn, and he was losing focus as Elissa danced around him landing blow after blow with her swords until he finally dropped to his knees and gave himself over to the inevitable. Elissa lopped off its head and moved beyond it into the back room as its body thumped to the floor behind her.

"Here's the hatch." Elissa sheathed her blades and knelt down to pry up the heavy door, handing it off to Nathaniel and The Messenger and dropping down into the caves below as they lowered it back against the wall. "It's safe to drop down. Though there are more in the tunnels, the entry way is clear."

Elissa scouted ahead while the others made their way down into the passage, which would lead them to the hidden port of Smuggler's Cove, stopping to disarm a tripwire that the darkspawn had left in the hopes that it would warn them of the Wardens approach.

"These things are leaving traps now?" Anders shook his head, progressively unsettled by every new piece of information about the darkspawns' evolution that made itself known to them.

"It seems unlikely that the 'spawn wouldn't have tripped it if it were leftover from the previous tenants," Elissa said, dusting off her hands as she stood to search her senses for what lay ahead. "My guess is the Disciple in that room set it up, or gave instructions that it be done."

"Another Disciple? How many of them are there?" Nathaniel asked, drifting up to her side and pressing at his own blood ties. He was still leagues behind Elissa in understanding what he could sense, but he could feel the strong pulse of whatever lay ahead tugging at the taint in his own body.

"The Disciples, they are endless," The Messenger replied, turning all eyes in his direction. "The Mother, she is feeling their every end. She is growing in her fury. More will come. Always more."

"Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine?" Anders grumbled, rubbing at his forehead in frustration.

"If these varmints are just gonna keep comin' anyway, I say we take a few more of 'ems heads off before the next wave comes," Oghren grunted, tilting his chin up at the grin that spread across Elissa's face.

"Best idea I've heard all day." She dipped around the corner and melted into the shadows, leaving Oghren to run screaming into the group of genlocks and childer that surrounded the Disciple just inside the main body of the cave.

One swing of Oghren's mighty axe took out half the childer swarm in one blow, leaving Zevran and The Messenger to finish off the two genlocks and single adult childer to remain. The Disciple stood steady on the dock at the rear of the pirate cave, dodging the arrows and spells that Nathaniel and Anders flung in his direction with a careless ease. It was clear he searched for Elissa and tried not to appear unsettled when he could not easily find her.

"You should be showing yourself, Warden-Commander. The Mother is knowing you are here. Hiding will be doing you no favors today." The creature's cloudy eyes searched the boundaries of the room, darting from shadow to shadow as though attempting to follow the traces of the taint in her blood to discover her location.

Everyone waited. It was as though the entire chamber held its breath in anticipation, all eyes snapping forward when the sound of scraping bone and punctured flesh drew all attention to the pair of blades now protruding through both sides of the Disciple's torso.

"Peek-a-boo," Elissa hissed, twisting the hilts of her blades so violently the top half of the creature's body tumbled loose from the legs with a grotesque spray of black blood that sent them all staggering away to avoid being coated in it.

Elissa stooped down at the water's edge to clean her blades of some of the blood before sheathing them at her back and turning to regroup for the last span of tunnel before they resurfaced outside of town. When she turned, everyone stood staring. Even The Messenger appeared slightly fearful.

"What?" Elissa stood waiting for whatever they had to say to be said. They had precious little time to be wasting on yet another critique of her mental status.

"That was quite the flourish, my Warden," Zevran offered, pulling her focus in his direction as he could sense the fluctuations in her temperament becoming more volatile the longer they remained locked in battle.

"It's dead. End of story," Elissa replied, brushing past him and into the tunnel that would take them to the surface passage. "Now come along. You can ponder whether or not I'm a monster after we've freed the city of this threat."

Though Zevran shared a quick glance with the others, they all knew better than to question her further. Zevran and Oghren knew best how Elissa could become when she spent enough time fighting, but the others had seen enough at this point to know that with her singular focus she lost more and more of her conscience. It was unsettling, but not unusual.

As they pushed through the caves they were pressed upon by wave after wave of drones. Shrieks, genlocks, hurlocks and various forms of childer swarmed in upon them in groups of twenty or more attempting to prevent them from gaining entry to the surface and barring their entry point to the city by sealing the passage once and for all.

Elissa pulled herself up through the hatch, running an adult childer through with her sword before turning back to pull Zevran up behind her. Together they alternated fending off the remaining waves and pulling the rest of the company back to the surface. Once all of them were free, Nathaniel bolted the hatch closed and Anders melted the lock and the hinge to irreparable levels with a blast of flame. If the darkspawn wished to gain entry to the city again, it would not come through this passage.

The last of The Mother's numbers were thinning, but Elissa still seemed anxious. Nathaniel searched his senses to find the cause of her anxiety, finding the large pulse of energy the same time her eyes found the retreating form of the remaining Disciple as it drifted around the corner of one of the wrecked outbuildings.

She was gone before any of them could think to stop her, racing off behind the creature intent as she was on ending any threat to those who remained alive inside the city walls. It was all they could do to keep up with her, even Zevran's natural speed seeming taxed with the effort of gaining the ground given by her much longer strides. They were forced to follow glimpses of her moving in and out of shadow as she dashed through alleyways and around the corners of the ruined houses outside of the city. When they found her again the Disciple was dead and Elissa stood toe to toe with the largest ogre any of them had ever seen.

"By the Stone! They've armored the thing!" Oghren gasped, feeling as though his eyes must have been misleading him rather than believing the darkspawn could have advanced so far as to begin crafting heavy armor for their soldiers.

Elissa circled the beast, dodging out of its range each time it would swipe out an armored claw in her direction. The others didn't know what to do. There appeared to be no weak spots on the creature. Even its eyes had been covered giving Nathaniel no opportunity to offer any sort of distracting fire.

"What should we do?" Anders turned his attention to Nathaniel when the paralysis spell he fired off did nothing to slow the ogre's pursuit.

"Why are you asking me?" Nathaniel grumbled, turning his attention back to Elissa and watching with morbid fascination as she sheathed a blade and used the tip of the other to open a section of her palm.

"Well I'm not waitin' for you ladies to stop yer arguin'," Oghren yelled, hefting his axe up on his shoulder and turning to Zevran. "Comin', ya wee fairy?"

"I thought you'd never ask, you filth-encrusted pig of a man." Zevran smirked, dashing in at Oghren's side and fighting with Elissa for the now infuriated ogre's attention.

With the ogre's attention now divided, Elissa could focus in on her plan, taking advantage of his turn in Oghren's direction to swipe her hand across the chest plate and release her caustic blood to coat the surface of the steel plating. The others watched it in action as it ate through the metal, listening to the bellowing roar of the creature when it moved past that layer and began to burn into its flesh.

It was at that point that the ogre began to realize what was happening, focusing back in on Elissa and swiping hard enough to tear into the armor at her shoulder when she failed to dodge quickly enough – but the damage had been done. A breach had been made in the creatures defenses, and Nathaniel watched the spark of bloodlust bloom to life in Elissa's eyes as she launched herself at the ogre, jamming her sword hard into the gap she had created and twisting it several times to shred its internal organs beyond repair.

It lumbered about for a few more seconds, crying out in pain and rage, before toppling to the ground and dislodging Elissa in the process. She regained her footing and went to retrieve her blade, favoring her shoulder slightly as she sheathed it back in its place. Anders inspected the damage to her shoulder and hand while taking care not to make contact directly with the surface of her skin. He'd seen what that blood could do and had no desire to risk his own flesh had Elissa not managed to render it to a neutral level again.

As it became clear that the threat to the city had ended, those hidden away in the boundaries of the city emerged from their hiding spaces, coming forward to ask questions and request entry to the city once again. Constable Aidan was among them, and though he made an effort to avoid Elissa's notice, she stopped him before he could get too far.

"Constable Aidan." Her voice was even, but there was a chilly edge to it that set her companion's nerves on edge and clearly cut into the already fearful man who turned back in her direction. "I hereby relieve you of your post as chief officer of Amaranthine. I will see to filling it once I have settled this business with The Mother. For now you will answer to Hasan. He can be found either at the Chantry or the Infirmary at the rear of the city. Put yourself to use in any task he requests of you and perhaps I shall return in a merciful mood and allow you to retain some sort of rank even in light of your massive failures."

"It was a massive army that came upon us in the dead of night! We had little warning and even fewer to fight! What would you have done?" Aidan hissed, daring to take a step in her direction with the glare he leveled in her direction.

"I believe you have seen what I would have done," Elissa responded, making no move either in defense or retaliation, much to the relief of her companions. "Now leave me. I tire of looking at your face and find my patience for the useless to be at its lowest today."

The man looked as though he thought to say something more, his ego bruised and battered at the hands of Elissa's uncensored humiliation, but eventually thought better of it and turned to enter the city with the rest who had hidden outside.

Elissa paused for a moment longer, hoping that she had done enough, hoping that if this was the last mark she was to leave on the world that the scar would heal in time and leave those who had suffered stronger in the wake of it. It was all that she could give. For now her attention must remain focused on the larger threat of The Mother.

"Can you take me to The Mother?" Elissa did not turn to The Messenger, but it was clear to whom she was speaking, and so the creature stepped forward to answer.

"The Messenger will be taking the Grey Lady wherever she is wishing to go," he responded, dipping a slight bow with his response.

"This is likely to be a one way trip. You should know that going in," Elissa said, turning to the rest of them. "I will not order any of you to come, but I _must_ go. Nothing will deter me from that cause, and I have no time to linger. Make your choices now. Those who are coming will leave immediately. Anyone who chooses not to come will stay here and aid Hasan in tending to the city."

"I don't know about these sissies, but I'm not done hackin' things apart," Oghren bellowed, stepping forward with a crooked smile as he took a pull from his flask and handed it over to Elissa. She took it and drank some down with a smile, handing it back down to him before glancing back up to the others.

"My blades have always moved at your request, Doamna Mortii. And the dwarf and I have stood at your side on suicide missions before. I see no reason to stop now." Zevran leaned against Oghren's shoulder with a grin of his own, accepting the grumbled respect of his compatriot who had no doubt he'd be the next to follow.

"Can't have you wandering off without a proper healer," Anders quipped, holding her eyes briefly before settling in with the others.

Nathaniel hesitated. Elissa could feel the emotions churning under the surface of his stoic features. Delilah was in the city, shaken and suffering as her husband died of the taint in a building no more than a few feet away. A part of him wanted to stay and be her support they way he should have when his father sent him away to the Free Marches years ago, and if he decided to stay, Elissa would not fault him for it.

"My place is at your side, Elissa. It always has been." Nathaniel moved to within arm's reach but made no move to initiate physical contact. His emotions were just as uncertain as hers, but he knew this was where he belonged. She was his destiny, and if their story ended in shadow, then he would follow her into it willingly.

"Then we ride."

Elissa passed her eyes across them one last time, feeling exceptionally lucky for managing to surround herself with such remarkable people once again and hoping that was enough to bring them all out of this safely. It was too much to think on. For now she would simply focus on getting them to The Mother's lair in time to stop her from launching her next attack.


	39. Chapter 39: Strange Bedfellows

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Another interlude chapter here. I know a lot of you are probably going "where is The Mother, let's get this show on the road", but it's coming. I promise :D_

_Muse Music: Collapse by Assemblage 23._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my beta ladies **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic** who got to argue dialogue with me this time around. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Thirty-Nine: Strange Bedfellows<strong>_

Elissa pressed on well past sunset before accepting that even with The Messenger's excellent guidance, it was simply too dark for them to make any further progress in safety. Zevran scouted out what seemed an easily defensible area. Backed by a cave wall, this isolated section of the rocky landscape would keep a good portion of the light from any fire they lit from being seen by any forces The Mother might have patrolling the area.

The Messenger slid down from Elissa's horse where he had ridden from just outside of Amaranthine, offering his hands to aid her in getting down. The interaction, though simple and nothing more than any of the others would have offered, was still unsettling to the remainder of her company. However, Nathaniel kept his concerns hidden behind well-schooled features as he took her reins and headed off to the edge of camp to secure the horses.

She set The Messenger on watch with Zevran, knowing his knowledge of the area and any threats that might be hidden nearby went far beyond what the others could offer, and hoping that his willingness to provide such a service would help to prove to the rest of her company that he could be trusted. She handed over any food supplies she could gather to Anders and had him get to work preparing a quick stew as no one had eaten in well over a day and their strength was beginning to wane.

Nathaniel watched Elissa disappear into the tree line after all of her instructions had been given, likely off to scour the edges of the camp for any sign of The Mother's advancing forces. Across the fire Oghren settled himself down against the cave wall and freed his hip flask, drinking heavily from it before pressing his head back against the stone behind him.

"My brother used to drink like you do, dwarf." Nathaniel thought back on the last bits of information he had ever gotten about his brother before Elissa had told him Thomas was killed during the assault on Denerim. Delilah had been concerned in her final letters to him that Thomas would spend the family fortune on hard liquor and loose women, though all that seemed meaningless now.

"Must've been a fun fella to have around then, yer brother." Oghren didn't even open his eyes, just took another pull from his flask and continued his meditation.

"According to Delilah, Thomas could find his fun almost anywhere. And then he would vomit on your shoes." Nathaniel listened to the laughter rumble up out of the dwarf, and the answering chuckle from Anders who tossed a pinch of something into the pot on the fire with a slight smile.

"Good times." Oghren opened his eyes with a smile, offering his flask to Nathaniel who took it and drank some of the harsh liquid before passing it over to Anders.

"Have you ever thought of returning to Orzammar?" Anders asked, handing the flask back to Oghren who drank again before settling it down at his side.

"Not sure I can. Technically, I'm a surface dwarf, now," Oghren snorted, tugging at his beard as he thought seriously on the question.

"Why _technically_? How can you not know for certain?" Nathaniel was confused how anyone could be in the dark over whether they were allowed to return home, even Oghren who spent most of his life in an inebriated state.

"It's not like they send ya a letter," Oghren grumbled, understanding that they thought he was stupid for not knowing and a bit annoyed that they would jump straight to that conclusion. "Congratulations! Ya've been ejected from the warrior caste!"

"Do you miss it?" Anders watched as the dwarf turned to look at him, reading more in that watery gaze than Oghren likely wanted him to see.

"Sometimes. Then I drink more and it goes away," Oghren replied, pulling heavily from the flask once again and leaving the trio in silence for a moment before he continued. "When the Commander found me I was two steps from Dust Town. Spendin' all my time drunk or brawlin', lookin' for anyone who would listen… The Commander, she didn't just listen, she followed through with it – and when all was said and done she cleaned me up and gave me a reason to fight again. Gave me Felsi too, though I've botched that one right up."

Anders and Nathaniel sat silent, eyes pinned to the dwarf who never offered anything personal, and rarely said anything beyond the occasional snide comment or battle cry. It was obvious that this meant something to him, otherwise he would never have bothered to say it, and so they patiently waited for him to continue.

"I miss the Stone. I'm a dwarf. The Commander had to spend the first week promisin' me I wouldn't fall off into the sky. But my place is here, with her. She gave me this life; s'only right I use it to help her make things better for people like my Felsi and lil' Nugget."

"You've named your child _Nugget_?"

There was a long pause after Anders asked the question before all of them burst into laughter, including Oghren, though he furrowed his brow to mimic irritation.

"Ya named that furball Ser Stinks A Lot," Oghren grumbled, nodding to Nathaniel as he took the flask to drink again. "They talked about ya in the army, ya know?"

"Me?" Nathaniel coughed, wiping his mouth before handing the flask over to Anders once again.

"Nah, glitter hands over there," Oghren snorted with a gesture in Anders' direction and a smile when he flexed his fingers before tossing the flask back over. "Of course, ya ninny. Never heard much about ya durin' the Blight, the Commander not being one to talk about personal business an all, but then I up an' joined Fergus Cousland's army to take back Highever and Fergus wouldn't shut up about ya. How ye'd spoiled his sister then slunk off to the Free Marches never to be seen again."

Nathaniel grimaced slightly as he took the flask back from Oghren, not really anxious to discuss the topic any further but knowing it had gone on too long to avoid it now. "I never _spoiled_ Elissa, and my father _sent_ me to the Free Marches, so neither of those accusations are really fair nor accurate."

"The first part is debatable…" Anders muttered, silencing when the irritated glare Nathaniel leveled in his direction made it clear his tolerance only went so far.

"Don't get yer knickers in a twist, ladies." Oghren chuckled, shaking his head at the constant posturing between the two men on Elissa's behalf. "I know that Fergus was… less than forgivin' in his tell of what happened, but that wasn't my point. Thing is, Fergus said ya'd never have the stones to show yer face here again after what ya did – what yer father did. But ya proved him wrong, an' I respect that."

"I suppose there are worse things than earning respect simply by _not_ being a ponce." Nathaniel laughed, tossing the flask over to Anders. "Though, I'm fairly certain nothing in my actions will ever redeem me in Fergus Cousland's eyes."

"Bah! Can't go through life worrin' 'bout that nonsense. Throw caution to the wind, run headlong into danger, sod the consequences! That's the only way to live!" Oghren caught the flask Anders tossed in his direction after echoing the sentiment, the trio dissolving into low laughter once again.

"You know, Elissa called us a family once. Thought she was a loon at the time, but turns out – she was right. I can see that now." Anders stirred the pot a few more times, sending what had now become an incredibly appetizing aroma out into the chilly cave air.

"She's still a bit of a loon…" Oghren muttered under his breath, watching the looks of acknowledgement on the other men's faces dissolve into neutrality as Elissa strode out of the forest and into the cave.

She tossed a trio of large rabbits down on a rock near Oghren's elbow, drawing the attention of everyone in the group. "Think you can clean those up for Anders in time to add them to the stew?"

"Aye." Oghren grinned, getting to his feet and pulling a knife free from his boot with which to break them down.

"Good." Elissa turned to exit the cave, intending to head back off into the shadows until she was summoned for the meal.

"You gave me plenty for the stew, Elissa. What made you go out to hunt rabbits?" It was a thoughtful gesture, but Anders had seen the shift in Elissa as the heat of battle raged on – and knew there was a part of her that simply did it for the pleasure of the kill.

"I thought if this was to be your last meal, you deserved something more than root vegetables and herbs cooked down into a paste." As she looked at him, Elissa made it clear that she knew exactly what it was that Anders' was insinuating – the hard glint in her eyes communicating that she did not appreciate the commentary, whether or not she chose to address it. She turned a moment later, pausing by Oghren for the briefest second on her way to the woods. "It is also worth noting that the _loon_ has excellent hearing. It might be good to remember that in the future before you discuss my lack of sanity while I am within earshot."

They watched her disappear into the shadows again, the silence of the shelter interrupted only by the sound of Oghren and Anders' meal preparations. After a lengthy pause, Nathaniel stood to go.

"Don't go far. It won't take long to cook this up," Anders noted, watching the acknowledgement of what he was really being told pass across The Archer's neutral features before he too was swallowed by the darkness of the forest.

* * *

><p>It didn't take Nathaniel long to track Elissa down, pressing at the bounds of the link that forever tied them together until it led him like a beacon to the rock where she sat. He could read the usual mix of emotions coursing through her blood, and as he'd made no effort to close the conduit from his end, he knew that she could detect much the same as he approached – meaning she'd known he was coming and done nothing to prevent herself from being found. This piqued both his interest and his concern as much of their ability to relate to one another depended entirely on how much of Elissa was given over to the beast at the moment.<p>

"I was wondering how long it would take one of you to seek me out, though my coin would have been on Anders," Elissa muttered, not turning her eyes away from her search of the shadows out ahead of their moonlit clearing.

"Would you rather I send him and cook your dinner in his place?" Nathaniel couldn't help but allow a small amount of bitterness to creep into his words with the thought that she had been expecting The Mage, though he knew that was unlikely to help with her mood.

"_My_ dinner?" Elissa snorted, finally turning her eyes up in his direction and sending a small shiver down Nathaniel's spine with the hint of rising temper that glittered there. She turned away before continuing. "And no. I don't particularly wish to speak with any of you, but you're here, so clearly there is something on your mind. I suppose we might as well _talk_."

Nathaniel stood silent, wondering how much he should press her. She was on edge - he could feel it bubbling away in her blood, that driving desire he had felt in her before, that need to tear something apart for nothing more than the pure release found in destruction.

"Sit down. Having you standing there staring at my back is making my skin all twitchy, and trust me when I say you don't want my nerves any more on edge than they are at the moment."

He did as she instructed, not wishing to test her patience any further before saying what he had come there to say to her. "I love you, Elissa."

"I know." Again she did not turn in his direction, merely continued her vigil of the forest, though what it was she was seeing Nathaniel could not discern.

"You know? We could walk into The Mother's lair tomorrow and never come out again and that's all you have to say to me? That _you know_?" Nathaniel's temper was rising, and this time he did nothing to rein it in. If she chose to end him now rather than draw it out any longer then so be it, but he'd be damned if he went to his grave without forcing her once and for all to admit he was not alone.

"What would you have me say, Nathaniel?" Her voice was incredibly calm as she turned her face in his direction, but the dangerous edge still flashed there in her eyes and he knew if he pressed her further he was taking it on faith that she would restrain from doing him harm.

"That you love me, Elissa. That you feel it too. We both know it's the truth, and if we're to die tomorrow, what difference will it make for you to admit it now?"

"If we're to die tomorrow, why would it matter _what_ I said?" Elissa held his eyes, waiting for him to say something that would register against the logic of her thought process.

"Love makes all the difference, Elissa. It's a reason to keep going when the whole world is against us. It makes it mean something when we walk into this battle knowing neither of us is likely to walk out again. It's something beyond faith, and duty, and doing what _must _be done. Love makes _all_ the difference." He waited for her to blow him off once more, to pull away inside her shell and deny that they had ever been anything beyond the fractured souls they were now – but she didn't.

Instead she leaned in toward him and brushed her lips against his. It was just the lightest touch at first, making him fight to pull her closer, to get her to give him more. She put her hands against his jaw, keeping him at the distance she wanted but anchoring him in place so that she could fully explore his mouth – enjoying the full curve of his lips against hers and tasting the bitter remnants Oghren's flask had left on his tongue with her own. When she pulled away, Nathaniel knew though she would not say it to him in words, Elissa had given him exactly what he needed.

"Go back to camp. Dinner should be ready soon. I will be right behind you."

She turned back to the forest, and he knew she would give him nothing more.


	40. Chapter 40: Promises and Regrets

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Another long break before this chapter, I know :D Forgive the intrusion of my reality and its impact on my fictional world. Poison & Wine hit 100 reviews with the last chapter. Hard to believe it, but thanks to everyone who takes their valuable time to send comments my way either in reviews or messages. They are all read and appreciated.  
><em>

_Thanks to my readers, reviewers and followers, and to my wonderful betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Forty: Promises and Regrets<strong>_

When Anders woke from the few hours sleep Elissa had allowed them, dawn was just beginning to break on the horizon. Nathaniel had done an excellent job in building the fire, and even now the flames had not dwindled so low that the chill of the morning air could be felt inside the confines of the cave.

He rose quietly, noting that all the others slept on – all the others _except_ Elissa. He doubted that she'd had any rest at all. She'd paced the edges of the camp for most of the night; restless and twitchy, coming to join the group just long enough to pick at the stew he had prepared before flitting back off into the shadows in search of The Messenger.

Anders watched as she emerged from the tree line still at the creature's side, discussing something in the hushed tones of a heavy whisper before The Messenger diverted himself back into the forest as Elissa caught his eye. He left the warm confines of the cave, stepping out into the damp air of morning to take a chance and speak with her for what could easily be the last time.

"Did you sleep?" The question was a diversion and an attempt to communicate to him that she did not wish to have another heart wrenching goodbye, though she doubted he would notice or accept that even if he did.

"As well as one could expect on the stone floor of a cave with any number of things lurking in the forest waiting to kill me." Anders smiled with the statement, though he was only half kidding. His back ached from the rock that had dug into his side for most of the night, and the close proximity to The Mother only made the dreams of her fury harder to ignore. "I noticed that you did not."

"Someone had to watch the camp."

"I'm sure The Messenger could have handled that on his own. Do the darkspawn even need sleep?" His eyes traced the edge of the camp where the creature had recently disappeared.

"As if any of you would have trusted him to do that." Elissa's laughter was bitter, pulling Anders' attention back to her as she stared out into the forest. "Even Nathaniel is wary, and The Messenger saved his life."

"Regardless of what he has done, he is _still_ a darkspawn. It is nearly impossible to ignore that fact, especially when our purpose as Wardens is to end them." Anders watched as his words continued to strike at an already sensitive nerve, wondering what it was that really had her so upset. "Why are you taking this so personally?"

"Because I don't see much of a difference between myself and the thing you all call creature and condemn regardless of what he's done for you." Elissa turned back to look at him, pausing for a moment to hold his eyes before speaking again. "If you cannot look at The Messenger and see there is hope for redemption, then how can you look at me and see anything beyond the monster I have become?"

"You are not a monster, Elissa. Not any more than you allow yourself to be." He watched her for a moment longer, reading the scattered fragments of emotion that filtered through her eyes before she managed to shove them back down again. "Is this about what happened with Nathaniel's sister?"

"Delilah had no kind words for me, that is for certain…" Elissa trailed off as she turned back to the forest, watching as the warm light of a new day began to chase away the last remnants of darkness. "But this is about my finally admitting to myself what I am. I've been fighting against it for so long, but denying it cannot stop what I set in motion years ago. I am changing, Anders. There are times I wonder how much humanity I have left."

"Elissa…" Anders reached his hand out before conscious thought could stop him, tracing his thumb down the soft skin of her cheek until he reached the corner of her mouth. For a moment nothing that had happened between them mattered.

"Don't." She turned away from his touch with the realization of just how tempted she had been to draw some comfort from it, pulling back inside the shell of the Warden-Commander – and just like that, the moment was gone.

"Don't what? Don't care for you or don't say it aloud?" Anders' temper flared as he thought on being tossed aside once more, especially now when they could be facing their end.

"Don't do any of it." Elissa turned back to look at him. "Don't care, and don't say it, and don't _look_ at me like you actually believe what you're saying. It will only make it that much harder when you finally realize I'm right and see me for this thing that I've become."

He started to argue, but she waved him to silence, and he could see the brief window of opportunity that had been open slamming shut.

"I didn't come over here to argue. I came because I-I…" She trailed off, turning her eyes back to the tree line for a moment before continuing. "I need to ask a favor of you."

"A favor? After this —"

"_This_ did not start as I intended, Anders." The look on her face left no further room for argument and she watched his temper settle in the face of her waning patience.

"What can I do for you, Warden-Commander?" He asked the question with a false smile and the flourish of a mocking bow to her authority. She ignored it because it was a predictable response to her altered behavior.

"Should things start to appear hopeless, I need your word that you will remove yourself and Nathaniel from danger." Elissa watched the arguments springing to life behind Anders' eyes, though he had the sense not to speak them until she had finished with her request. "I doubt he will come willingly, so knock him out and drag him if it is necessary, but the two of you _must_ survive."

"What makes us more valuable than the rest of you?" Anders chose his words carefully, not wanting to further instigate her temper before he had determined what it was she was trying to say.

"The Wardens cannot end here. You and Nathaniel are the most capable of continuing to rebuild the order should I fall. Zevran is neither a Warden nor a leader, and Oghren - though a capable leader - would be unlikely to do so." She rubbed at the bridge of her nose in contemplation. "Nathaniel was born to lead, and he knows Amaranthine better than anyone. He will never shrink from his duty to the order or to his fellow Wardens. We have never spoken of it directly, but I have been grooming him to take my place for some time. Instructions to the First Warden naming him as my successor can be found in my desk, along with a letter to Fergus and another to Alistair. Those should be sent out immediately upon your return."

"If Nathaniel is to lead, then I don't see how my survival is necessary." Listening to her rattle on a list of The Archer's noble qualifications struck a nerve, though Anders was hard pressed to disagree.

"Nathaniel cannot do this alone, and you know that as well as I do. He is strong in many areas, but he lacks tolerance and his nature does not give him the appearance of a man with a compassionate heart." Elissa turned to meet his eyes again, pushing past the temper and trying to get her message through to him. "For that, he needs you. I am not asking you to care for one another beyond the capacity of the order. I am not asking you to get along or to be friends. I am simply asking for you to put aside your issues and see to the well-being of the country and the order when I no longer can."

"It seems a small and logical request, but surely you know the actual weight of what you are asking?" Anders didn't let her squirm out from under his stare, forcing her to acknowledge the minefield blanketed beneath the rationale of her words.

"I understand." It was a simple response, but Anders was sure that she meant it. "I don't wish to make this an order, but—"

"You don't have to. I'll do it." She turned back to look at him, and Anders could read the relief in her smile when at least this small battle had been won.

"If we cannot end The Mother's threat here, it will be up to you and Nathaniel to warn others and to gather your strength for another assault." Elissa paced over to the tree line again as the conversation wound to an end. "Have Sigrun reach out to Kardol. The Legion will be invaluable should we be forced to go to war against a full force of sentient darkspawn."

"Are you going down there with the intention of not coming back?" Anders' words ground her to a halt before she could fully disappear into the waning shadows of morning.

"Not with the intention, no… but The Mother must be dealt with, and I am the best weapon we have. I cannot leave her lair until one of us has met her end."

Anders had more to say, but stopped at the look of determination that had branded itself onto her features. "Should I wake the others?"

"Yes. I'll gather The Messenger. We should move out within the hour."

She disappeared into the forest after that, leaving Anders to gather the others and his thoughts.

* * *

><p>The Dragonbone Wastes were pretty much what the name made them out to be; an arid wasteland of sand and stone and the scattered broken remnants of dragons long gone from the realm of the living.<p>

Elissa's company was bruised and battered and exhausted, regardless of the small reprieve a few hours of rest had offered to them, but still they pressed on – anxious to see this saga wind to its close one way or another. The presence of the sentient darkspawn was stifling, the sensation of their movements skittering around through the Wardens' senses as they themselves shuffled like cockroaches in the shadows that hid the boundaries of their path.

But the overwhelming pull of The Mother's blood drowned them all out the closer the group progressed to her lair. Beneath it all, Elissa could sense yet another signature – one she had not thought to sense again, not here.

"You seem distracted. What are you reading?" Nathaniel had moved in beside her so silently she did not notice his approach, and she struggled to silence her thoughts before he could decipher more than he already had.

"I'm reading any number of things, just as you are. Even in the open fields of this dragon graveyard such a heavy concentration of darkspawn sets my nerves a bit on end." Elissa brushed off the question as though it was nothing, turning them further down the path, which now took them through a rather large ribcage.

"I wish Sigrun could see this." Anders' tone was jovial, though his face was tight and riddled with anxiety much like the rest of the company. Elissa nodded in acknowledgement, but did not speak or smile.

"That isn't all there is to it, Elissa. Holding back information at this point serves no purpose. We've all willingly followed you into this nightmare; we know what's coming. The least you can do is give us all the information we need to face this fully prepared." Nathaniel's face was perfectly calm, though she could easily read the frustration in his tone, and it picked at her already frayed nerves like a needle at an open wound.

"You know what's coming…" The low laughter started to bubble up out of her before she could contain it, and she watched the others drift further away from her as she spun to face them. "You have no _idea_ what's coming. Nothing in your limited repertoire has prepared you for whatever's waiting for us in that hole, I assure you. This is no mindless horde led by the pulled puppet strings of the Archdemon. This is a sentient, organized force – an army driven by the belief that they are right. They fight to protect The Mother and she will fight to protect them. Emotion is the driving force, and that is far more dangerous than any other motivating factor."

"Still, that is not what troubles your mind." Nathaniel stood steadfast in the face of her temper, knowing he was right to draw whatever was troubling her out of her mind and into the murky light of day.

"No. What troubles me at the moment, other than being put to the inquisition by those under _my_ command, is that I sense The Architect is nearby somewhere among this chaos."

"The Architect? Is he here to help, or hinder?" Anders began to scan their surroundings as he spoke, though he knew his senses were nowhere near as developed as Elissa's and he likely had no chance at finding that unique signature among this madness.

"No, The Architect is _never_ helping The Mother!" The Messenger's face bore offense, in as much as he could manage. "He is here always for the Grey Lady."

"And somehow that is just as unsettling…" Anders' words trailed off with Elissa's glare, her focus shifting briefly before turning back into the valley just ahead.

"Looks as though we're late to the party," she noted, pulling all eyes onto the battle already being waged down below.

The Architect's forces had already engaged The Mother, but they were badly outnumbered and the swarms of childer were taking them down one by one.

"More infighting?" Nathaniel scanned the crowd, and though his face held the appearance of calm, Elissa knew what he was really looking for. "It would appear that, if only for the moment, The Messenger is right. These troops do seem to be fighting against The Mother."

"Not for much longer if we do not intervene, my Warden," Zevran drew Elissa's attention; seeking instructions on what she intended their next move to be.

"In we go." Elissa dashed off down the hill, giving the others no option but to follow trailing in her wake.

There was little they could do to save what was left of The Architect's forces. Even when set upon by Elissa and her company, they did not shift focus from their kin until none of them remained alive, and Elissa wondered what it was The Mother must have done to make them ignore a much more dominant threat and simply press on with the assault against The Architect's small battalion.

It was a question much like all those she had brewing in her mind that would have to wait for its answer. There simply wasn't time for thought on the matter as The Mother's army shifted their tactics to address the new threat.

Elissa instinctually knew that the area they needed to infiltrate lay deep at the heart of the wastes, and so she pressed them forward through wave after wave of The Mother's forces, bellowing out orders or directing with a gesture when new contingents would enter the scene.

There were hurlocks, genlocks, and overwhelming numbers of both adult and juvenile childer as they made their way to the large ruined archway at the heart of the wasteland.

"There!" Elissa yelled, pointing out the ancient door that would lead them into the collapsing ruin that The Mother had claimed for her nest.

She was unsettled by how little of The Mother's stronger forces they had seen up to this point, and even now as they stood on her threshold only a few of her stronger disciples had joined the fray. They had seen no alphas and no ogres. It was likely a trap, this much she knew, but there was little she could do now other than walk into it. She had come too far to leave now without seeing her task fulfilled.

"Push to the door!" she cried, gesturing a division to attempt and flank their way toward the strongest concentration of The Mother's forces just outside the door, but as her boot touched the center of the ruin – she was blown back by a rush of air and forced to cover her face to prevent sand from blasting her eyes.

When she opened them again she was nearly floored with the sight of what stood there. It was a High Dragon; one so large it dwarfed the beast they'd ended atop the Frostback Mountains. Elissa watched as all focus shifted, the dragon intent on eating the remaining segment of The Mother's forces, as they had been too foolish to avoid catching her eye, and the darkspawn fighting an impossible battle to bring the dragon down. It was an advantage they could use.

"Let her focus on the darkspawn!" Elissa bellowed, pulling her company in tight at the dragon's left flank. "If we are to topple this monster, we will need her momentary lack of focus."

"I-I never… I-I had no idea they were so _huge_!" Anders couldn't stop watching it, and Elissa was uncertain how much of his stutter was rooted in wonder and how much was anchored in fear, but she had time for neither.

"This is a High Dragon, the largest I have ever seen," Elissa explained, watching Oghren drift closer to her side and begin inspecting the lower extremities for weakness.

"Dragonslayin' don't seem like such a good idea anymore, does it, Twinkle?" Oghren chuckled, winking at The Mage to illustrate he meant no harm.

"With its attention diverted, I can easily take out the eyes." Nathaniel made no move to lift his bow, waiting for Elissa to issue a direct order before taking such a step.

"And that is exactly what you must do." Elissa smiled as she drew out her blades and made ready for an assault. "On my mark, blind the beast. Oghren and The Messenger will keep her off balance, prodding at knees and ankles. Zevran and I will attempt to scale her back."

"Wait, _what_?" Anders pulled wide eyes away from the dragon when her words sunk in. "You're going to climb about on that-that… on a _dragon_?"

"The only way to put her down is to take off the head or at the very least pierce the brain, and to do so we will need to reach it. If you have any other suggestions for how we should go about that, I'm certainly willing to hear them." Elissa stood for a moment, waiting for his acknowledgement that she was right, shifting back into position when a brief nod gave her what she needed. "Right then. Ignore the 'spawn. They will focus on her, and she'll likely take what few of them are left out in an attempt to get at us. Nathaniel, go… now!"

With the sound of his bowstring, Elissa was off and running dipping to the side with a roll to avoid the angry flick of the dragon's tail but back on her feet in no time. The sound that bellowed forth from her maw moments later told her without looking that Nathaniel's arrows had struck true, and she shifted again when the wounded dragon turned to swat aimlessly when Oghren and The Messenger made contact with its limbs.

Now came the dance; the subtle shifting motion between herself and the dragon as she attempted to learn a pattern that would let her climb the body and end the fight. A moment later she saw her window as the rear haunches hit ground in response to a wicked blow from Oghren's axe. Two steps and she was up, digging in with a dagger when the angry flick of the dragon's tail sent a longsword flying and nearly toppled her back to the sandy ground below.

The dragon twitched and moaned until Elissa pried her dagger loose, clinging low to its scaly body as she inched her way forward toward the base of the neck. Just ahead Zevran sat anchored to a spot on the dragon's right shoulder joint, and she smiled with wonder at how he might have gotten there ahead of her.

"This lady, she is not receptive to my advances," Zevran breathed, digging his fingers into the dragon's skin when she attempted again to shake him loose as Elissa advanced to cling at his side.

"How _does_ she resist?" Elissa chuckled, taking a moment to catch her breath and evaluate their chances to reach the head as the neck was far too thick for them to sever with only one of her swords at their disposal.

"I see you've lost a blade. That is unfortunate." Zevran read her thoughts with a low chuckle, reviewing his own plans now that one of their options was no longer on the table.

"We have to go for the head. There is no other way." Elissa glanced up, forced to renew her grip when the creature flailed again, blasting a wall of flame out at something in front of it.

"On three then?" Zevran pulled to a crouch, beginning to count with her nod, and launching himself forward onto the dragon's neck when his mouth shaped out the sound of three.

Elissa was behind him, discarding her sword when the bulky blade made it too hard to climb the already treacherous landscape of the dragon's neck. The dragon shrieked and flailed with every blade puncture as the two rogues scaled up the last few feet of its body to their goal.

Zevran glanced back down to evaluate Elissa's progress only to see her dagger fail to make purchase as the creature shook against her with a particularly violent motion. She clung for a moment longer, but eventually was slung to the ground beneath the dragon's feet, leaving the elf to complete their task alone.

The fall dazed her for a moment, and as Elissa struggled to her feet she was completely vulnerable to the now furious creature drawn to the scent of her blood. When she opened her eyes, she realized there was nothing she could do to avoid what was coming. She had no weapons, and even if she did, steel was no match for the ball of flame she could hear building in the dragon's throat.

"I'm quite bitter, you bitch!" Elissa yelled in her fury. "I hope you choke!"

The dragon's mouth was opening and she was out of time, but she would not flinch in the face of her death any more than she had flinched in the face of her life. As the first bits of flame licked out from between the long curling fangs of the beast, Elissa noted a small purple glow flicker to life in front of her and felt the warmth of someone pressing in at her back.

"What?" Elissa's voice held a wonder that Anders couldn't miss when she watched the wall of flame hit and curve around the shield he'd constructed around them. She reached fingers out to brush against the mystical bubble, feeling the magic tickle her skin as it made contact.

"Stay close. To make it strong I had to keep it small. It only extends a few inches beyond us." Anders felt her settle into the curve of his body and instinctively tightened the arm around her waist, suddenly very aware of just how much he'd missed such intimate contact with her.

"Zevran! Get on with it already!" Elissa called out, though Anders could make out the almost childlike grin on her face as she looked up to where The Assassin had perched to make his final assault. "As fascinated as I am by this new trick, I'm certain Anders cannot keep it up all day!"

"As you wish!" Zevran yelled back, slamming the longer of his two blades down through the dragon's skull and into its brain, ending the fight with a final twist of the sharp steel into the soft tissue that drove the dragon's life force.

As the body fell limp, Anders let the shield drop, releasing Elissa from his grasp and watching as she made her way over to Zevran's side to inspect the fallen dragon while collecting her scattered armaments. Already he missed the warmth of her touch, though he tried to shake the sensation of it out of his mind and focus on what lay ahead of them.

"If we live through this, I shall have Wade swimming in dragon bits for as long as he wishes," Elissa chuckled, sheathing her swords and watching as Nathaniel made his way over to them after finishing off the last twitching remnants of The Mother's forces. His eyes lingered briefly on Anders and Elissa knew he was less than happy about The Mage's valiant overture, though he at least made an effort to hide it.

"The Mother, she is waiting, Grey Lady." The Messenger pushed forward to Elissa's side, his nervous eyes holding heavy on the great stone door, which lead down into the lower ruins of Drake's Fall. "She is knowing you are here and she is preparing. We must be going now."

She watched her companions twitch in response to The Messenger's assertions, and knew all of them doubted his sincerity, wondering if he weren't a plant there to lead them into a trap after all.

"You're right." Elissa took in one last long breath of surface air before turning the company toward the doorway. "Let's not keep her waiting."


	41. Chapter 41: A Poison Wind

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** And here we come to The Mother. :) _

_Muse Music: Glass by The Anix._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my wonderful betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**._

_Happy reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Forty-One: A Poison Wind<strong>_

It took months of systematically plying people with alcohol, good deeds, or the latest friend fiction circulating the streets of Kirkwall to finally find someone willing to share any information about the final face off against The Mother and what came afterward. Even then it came from the source I least expected, and to be perfectly honest, the one from whom I least wanted it to.

Of all The Hero's companions, Oghren was never one that could be called a conversationalist. The Drunk's contributions to previous fact finding discussions had involved inappropriate sexual banter, various gas emissions, and the quickly refused offer to "let the ass gryphon grab some air" if I needed to get a look at one. When I went to him with this question, it was the last act of a man desperate _not_ to have to take a trip directly to the source. As the duration of her time in Kirkwall increased, The Hero had become increasingly volatile, and testing her patience with such an invasive question was not a risk I wished to take unless left with no other options.

"Ye're scared of 'er, _that's_ yer problem." Oghren chuckled into his ale, the damp whiskers of his moustache adding extra curl to his snarky smile.

"And you're not?"

The Drunk was irritating and apparently far more observant than most would give him credit for, and I tried to restrain my own temper as he stifled a snort of laughter against his sleeve and brought mug to rest against the table.

"See, what ya gotta understand 'bout the Commander is that she's always had kind of a menacin' air about 'er." Oghren smiled, taking in a long smug breath as he leaned back in his chair. "Gives those of us who've known 'er the longest an advantage when it comes to bein' scared of the shadows."

"So, you expect me to believe that there has _never_ – in all the years you've known her – been a time when, even for a moment, you were actually afraid of her?" I settled myself down at his table, waving the barmaid over with an ale of my own. The Drunk had given me my window, and I wasn't about to let it close without taking a shot at finding the answers I needed to have the complete story of what had happened at Drake's Fall.

"I know what ye're getting' at. Ye haven't exactly been subtle-like with yer investigetin'… investicati… with yer pokin' around." He glossed over his inability to produce the word he had originally aimed for with another long swig of ale.

"Four of you were down there with her—"

"Five." It was a single word, but the look in The Drunk's glossy eyes left no doubt to whom it was he referred.

"Fine, but I'm not ready to seek out that source." I pushed past it myself, angling again for the answers I desired. "Of the four of you I _am_ willing to talk to, three have been completely unwilling to address it at all. With Blondie, maybe that's not so strange considering their past – but the hesitation from The Assassin _and_ The Archer? That's not normal. _Something_ happened down there."

Oghren dodged my eyes, suddenly reluctant to share any sort of visual contact. I was getting to the root of it, but I'd have to tread carefully.

"Did she sprout horns? Start speaking in tongues? What did she do?"

"Damn near killed us all, that's what she did." Oghren sat down the now empty mug, and pulled loose his hip flask for something stronger.

"I've heard any number of stories about her threatening to kill, or attempting to kill any number of your company for one reason or another. That didn't seem to matter much until _this_ instance. What was so different?" I watched The Drunk struggle to decide what, if anything, he intended to say – and that hesitation spoke volumes, as did the strain etched into his normally lax features.

"This weren't like those other times. This… before the Commander was gone, somethin' else was runnin' the show. This time—" He swallowed down the end of those words with several pulls from his hip flask, drawing the courage to return to that place from the burn in the alcohol. "This time, she was there alright – she _was_ The Beast."

It was the first time I had ever heard anyone use that title to describe her, and the impact of who it was to say it, was more powerful than what was said. The story he would tell of the events in Drake's Fall would make it clear, once and for all, why there were very few people in Thedas who would dare to cross the Warden-Commander.

* * *

><p>The descent into the old ruins brought back memories of those final tunnels beneath Kal'Hirol with a coating of virulent corruption coating the walls and floors around them so thick they seldom found themselves in contact with stone. Anders passed anxious eyes across the group, unsurprised to find no one as unsettled as he was cut off from the sun and sky and drifting ever deeper beneath the earth in search of what could easily be the end of them all. Halfway down the spiraling staircase of the first tower, Elissa waved them to a stop with a flick of her wrist and turned to speak to the group in a hurried whisper.<p>

"There is a swarm at the base of these stairs; drones, at least one Alpha, an ogre and… something else…" She pried up the edge of one of her gauntlets and drew each of her longswords across a now open wound in her forearm, coating each blade in her now caustic blood. "The ogre is likely to be armored, and should be the primary target. Keep any casters under control or put them down for good. Are we ready?"

She waited for the muttered assurances of her companions before edging herself into the shadows and concealing her approach as best she could. Zevran slipped past her, dropping to the floor of the lower chamber undetected, and as soon as Oghren touched down with a bellow that drew all focus to him, he took out the Alpha with a few perfectly placed strikes of his poisoned blades.

Nathaniel picked off most of the drones that Oghren's low, languid axe swings didn't hew open in the first few seconds of battle, refocusing his efforts on finding any sort of weakness in the armored ogre's silverite covering when the last of them had fallen. The unknown quantity turned out to be another of The Mother's Disciples, and a powerful caster at that, so Anders rotated his healing and rejuvenation spells with anything he could offer to hold the creature in place until that threat could be addressed.

Elissa remained concealed for as long as possible, allowing The Messenger to occupy the ogre while she stalked around it looking for an opportunity to weaken its armor in a spot that would render it an easy kill. It didn't take long for the creature to pound forward against the ground, leaving its back exposed long enough for Elissa to coat the area that lay just above its heart. Anders cringed as he watched her blood eat through the metal as though it was nothing more than parchment, eventually sending the ogre into a frantic panic as it ran out of armor and began to carve into its flesh.

As Zevran finished off the lone disciple, rendered helpless by Anders' well-placed spells, Elissa capitalized on the opening she had created – shoving both of her longswords through the gaping hole in the ogre's back plate and into its heart. Two twists, and it was only a matter of retrieving the blades once the beast had dropped to the ground, an action that Elissa seemed to relish as she perched atop the creature like a huntress and pried her steel loose from muscle and bone.

"What is this place?" Anders wondered aloud, inspecting the runes on the wall in an attempt to calm his racing mind.

"The ruins are Tevinter, though I could only guess to their purpose," Elissa responded, hopping down from the ogre's corpse and strolling over to Zevran's side. "These markers in the floor are far too clearly defined to be purely decoration. Any idea what they're for?"

"This entire tower appears to be some sort of mechanism," Zevran responded, crouching down to inspect the markers with a closer eye. "I would wager these indentations are intended to hold whatever powered it, a gem or a crystal perhaps, but this is merely speculation."

"Possibly something like this?" Nathaniel tossed a large chunk of golden crystal in The Assassin's direction.

"Something exactly like this." Zevran smiled as he slid the first stone into place, listening to the grinding snap as he turned it into the appropriate position.

"Where did you find that?" Elissa asked, curious eyes inspecting Nathaniel as though she could read an answer before he supplied it.

"Took it off that Alpha. There could be others here; I hadn't checked."

The statement set the group to motion, searching for similar stones among the dead or lodged away in the muck that covered most of the ruins. Only Anders hesitated, wondering if reactivating one of the magister's old play toys was the wisest idea.

"Does no one else see the folly in activating a mechanism we know nothing about?" The Mage's words fell on deaf ears, as those finding crystals passed them over Zevran to be settled into the correct sites. "We have no idea what this thing even does. It could just as easily blow up and kill us all as it could offer any aid."

"From what I've seen of Tevinter technology, this is most likely either a weapon or a defensive node of some sort," Elissa said, passing the last of the necessary power crystals over into Zevran's hands with no hesitation.

"An' look at it this way, Sparklefingers. If she _does_ blow, she'll probably take us an' all those critters right along with 'er. Those mad mages weren't nothin' if not fans of a big bang, if ya get ma drift." Oghren chuckled as he elbowed Anders' leg, folding his arms and settling in to watch the tower come to life.

There was a low but audible hum as the mechanism regained power, and the Wardens watched as a steady glow bled out of the crystals and lit the chamber around them, but nothing else happened.

"I feel as though we've been cheated, my Warden," Zevran said, pushing up to stand at Elissa's side.

"What do you say we go and sate that disappointment with the blood of those who stand against us?" The quip was almost jovial as it fell from her lips, and the smile that accompanied it unnerved even Zevran, who had thought such things more times than he could count, but he hid those emotions well beneath the mimicking smile that curled across his face.

"Such sweet nothings you whisper, my darling," the elf cooed, leaning in close to Elissa's ear to prevent her from seeing the look of concern he shared with The Archer before following her out to dash across the bridge that would take them into the next tower.

Waves of the childer grubs hatched forth from cocoons and set upon them as they passed across the long narrow bridge, and several groups of adult childer assailed them as they made their way down the winding steps of the second tower and cleared the chamber at the bottom. It was another Tevinter mechanism, so the group set to work locating the crystals that would power it, while Elissa pressed the edges of her senses in an attempt to get a read on the signature she'd been seeking since she detected it far above in the Dragonbone Wastes.

"You do not have to strain yourself, Grey Lady. I am here." The Architect hovered in from the shadows of a ruined ledge, sending everyone to arms, everyone save Elissa and The Messenger who stood unconcerned in his presence. "I owe you an… apology… I _intended_ to explain myself when last we met. But Fate intervened, as she is so often wont to do."

"You experimented on me. You stripped me down, tied me to an altar, and bled me. Give me a reason, _any_ reason, why I shouldn't end our conversation here." Elissa's voice was calm, but the threat behind her words was fully intended, and even The Architect could read it.

"If you kill me, you will never have the answers you seek. I am in a rather… unique… position to both understand your condition, and aid you in learning to master it rather than continuing your foolish attempt to suppress your natural strengths." The Architect ignored the muttered disagreement from her companions, focusing his attention on the only person in the room with which he was concerned. "I stripped you to tend to your injuries. I bled you because I needed to understand why _your_ blood was… different… from the others before you. And I restrained you merely to prevent the misunderstanding that occurred with the rest of your order."

"Yeah… the sort of _misunderstandin'_ that ends with a obstac… an obstic… a soddin' _room_ full of dead bodies!" Oghren's words were jumbled, but thick with aggravation, and he made his way closer to Elissa's side with his axe at the ready. "Uh-huh… I get those sometimes."

Elissa held Oghren at bay with an outstretched palm, waiting for him to relax before she turned her attention back to The Architect, anxious to get to any information he could provide them.

"Is _that_ what you think happened at The Keep? Some sort of _misunderstanding_?" Elissa's snort was derisive, and the hard lines of her body as she folded her arms over her chest did nothing to soften the weight of that emotion. "What I bore witness to was nothing short of an assault. I don't see how _that_ could be considered any sort of misunderstanding."

"I sent The Withered to ask for the Grey Wardens' help. I should have anticipated that you might view our approach as an attack," the Architect offered, raising clawed hands in supplication as he worked to diffuse Elissa's steadily rising temper before it spiraled out of control. He was walking the delicate margin between her oath to end his kind, and her personal need to learn and master what she was becoming, and he knew this.

"I met the one you call The Withered. He was holding my Seneschal at the point of his blade on our ramparts while the rest of your forces ran rampant slaughtering anything moving without hesitation. That seems an odd way to go about requesting our aid." She tapped her foot impatiently, wondering if The Architect would ever simply be forthcoming with his answers. "Speaking of which, you've never explained what it was that brought you to us seeking help in the first place. How could Grey Wardens ever have anything but death to offer your kind?"

"My kind… yes, _that_ is the heart of it… for you see _my kind_ – as you call them – has ever been driven to seek out the Old Gods. This is our very nature… and when we find one, a new Blight is begun. Each time there is a Blight, the darkspawn attack the surface and _your kind_ fights back until we are defeated." The Architect laughed low and eerie, hovering away in what Elissa could only assume to be his version of pacing, before turning back in her direction. "I seek to break this cycle, only to do so – I must free my brethren of their compulsion – and for that, I require Grey Warden blood."

"Why Wardens' blood specifically?" Nathaniel came to stand directly at Elissa's side, far too uncomfortable with the relaxed exchange to remain at any distance for longer than he already had.

"In order to become what you are, you consume the blood of my kind. You… transform. Similarly, _we_ must transform." The Architect's explanation was simple, logical even, and his measured tone made it clear he found no flaw in his reasoning. "I have created a version of your _Joining_ that uses the blood of Grey Wardens. You take the taint into yourselves, while we take your resistances. In that way, my brethren are freed. In the Wardens' blood lies the key to resisting the call of the Old Gods."

"I like my blood where it is." Anders moved forward now, seeing that Elissa teetered on the edge of actually listening to this monster. "In _my_ veins."

"If this will stop the Blights, isn't a bit of blood worth it?" The Architect's temper rose as he watched her allies stand against him, refusing to see the logic in his arguments. "Isn't putting an end to the darkspawn threat the ultimate goal of your order? Ending our search for the Old Gods neutralizes any threat we pose to the surface world. Your task would be done. Your vigilance rewarded."

"Even if I agreed with your logic, I'm not certain that your serum is working. Some of these sentient darkspawn seem intelligent, like you and The Messenger, but others… others are insane, and something about your tonic has amplified the virulence of the taint within them. Surely you see I could not allow failures such as this to roam free." Elissa folded her arms behind her back and began to pace the boundaries of the room as her mind churned to process the new information she had been given.

"Once the call has been silenced, the darkspawn think for themselves. They speak; they act, and like any sentient being. Some of them react poorly to being cut off from all that they have ever known. Their evolution is flawed, and they rage against me. The Mother leads them, gathers them to stop my research as she seeks to stop your order." The Architect drifted into Elissa's path, bringing her strides to a stop and forcing her to acknowledge him once again. "I cannot defeat The Mother alone, and I cannot free those that remain enslaved to the call unless she is defeated. Our paths lead to the same end."

"My Warden, I think you should consider _what_ it is this… Architect… is requesting of you." Zevran's eyes never left The Architect as he made his own way forward to insist that his voice be heard.

"Only I can give you want you need. I can teach you to master your talents, to harvest them and use them to aid your cause, rather than cower in fear of the changes burning their way through your blood." The Architect could sense his hold on Elissa's will running like sand through his fingers, and so he made one last effort to pull her back in, dangling the very thing he knew she desperately wanted just outside of her grasp. "All I ask for in return is tolerance of the goals I seek to achieve, and a small amount of a Warden's blood when my supplies run low – never enough to do harm, only so much as I can harvest without harming the vessel."

"And should I restrict this _harvest_ to my personal vessel… would the terms of this alliance remain acceptable to you?" Elissa made the offer without flinching, as she had done so in the past standing toe to toe with Avernus in his tower.

"No, Elissa! Not again!" Anders darted forward, but she stopped him with a glare, and with the gleam in her eyes he knew the battle had been lost before he even started to fight.

"This would be _more_ than acceptable. Any Warden's blood would do, but _your_ blood, Grey Lady is… exceptional. I have never seen another of its kind in all my years of research." The Architect nodded his head low, a victorious smile curving up the side of his mouth that was not held immobile with scars.

"This is _madness_, Elissa. Listen to reason! You are bargaining with a _darkspawn_! One who kidnapped and bled you, who bled us all!" Anders made one final plea, noting that all of her other companions had fallen silent in the face of her resolute intention to put herself directly in harm's way once again regardless of the consequences.

"Darkspawn or not, there is a logic to his method that I cannot refute. As a Grey Warden I am driven by the need to prevent the Blight; to keep the darkspawn from doing harm. If a peaceful resolution can be found, countless lives will be saved in the process. I'm sorry, Anders. I have to do what is right for Thedas. In the end that is all that matters." Her decision had been made, and as she stepped forward to extend her hand in The Architect's direction, all around her could feel the world shifting and found themselves struggling to balance against it.

"It is done." The Architect released her hand slowly, reluctant to end the brief contact between them, restricted though it was. "There is one more thing I can offer you. A gift, if you will."

Elissa watched as he extended his other hand, uncurling his claw like fingers to reveal a long dark vial not so dissimilar from the one she had taken in Avernus' lab when all of this began. She reached over to take it, inspecting it for a second before removing the cork to examine it for any noticeable traces of poison.

"How do I know this won't kill me?" Elissa wanted the answers he could provide so badly she could taste it, and the very idea that she could save so many lives simply by offering up a little more of herself in exchange was one she was hard-pressed to pass up, but trust did not come easily – and The Architect had proven himself more foe than friend in the past.

"I suppose you don't, though it would be quite silly of me to stand here fighting for your hand in… _alliance_… only to kill you once I had it, would it not?" The Architect waited, noting that still she did not drink, before offering further explanation. "It is merely another concoction, not terribly dissimilar from the one your compatriot had you drink years before. It will unlock new potential within your blood while allowing you more reasonable control over the aspects of those changes that you would deem undesirable."

Elissa hesitated a moment more, briefly turning to meet Nathaniel's eyes when she felt a pulse of concern echo through the conduit she shared with him, before tossing it back in one thick mouthful. Just as before it burned, and just as before it brought her writhing to her knees, attempting to swallow a pained scream as the toxins wormed their way into her blood, commingling with those that had already taken root there.

When she opened her eyes after the wave had passed, Nathaniel was at her side, anchoring her arm around his broad shoulders to get her back on her feet. Anders stepped forward to heal the cuts in her palm where the glass of the vial had sliced through leather and into flesh when the muscles in her hand constricted around it. She could see that he was furious, though he said nothing.

"Thank you, Grey Lady. I realize this was a leap of faith, and the implications of that for one such as you. I hope that I can prove to you and your allies that I am worthy of your trust." If he was looking for acceptance in the eyes of her allies, he would find none, but it was early and Elissa's influence on those around her was strong.

"How far beneath us has The Mother made her nest?" Elissa asked, pulling herself free from Nathaniel as her focus returned and flexing the last bits of tension out of her muscles as the new concoction continued to wind through her blood.

"At the very bottom, I'm afraid." The Architect trailed behind her as she strode over to look across the next expanse of bridge to the third tower. "I cannot approach her physically. Her children protect her from my powers. But if you continue to activate the nexus as you proceed through the towers, when you reach her I will offer you all the support that I can. You have my promise."

"I will hold you to that," Elissa assured him, her gaze threatening as she turned to him one last time before moving out onto the bridge where he could not follow.

* * *

><p>The impact of The Architect's <em>gift<em> could be seen in Elissa almost immediately, and those who trailed behind her were forced to follow at a distance rather than risk themselves to the power unleashed in her that she no longer fought to contain.

Wave after wave of drones, alphas, massive armored ogres and the most powerful of The Mother's disciples rained down upon them, all followed by the near-endless hatching of the childer from egg sacs and cocoons coating every surface the lower they descended into the bowels of the ruin.

Anders tossed back a third potion, fighting against the lyrium poisoning he could feel rising in his mind as he struggled to keep up with the pace Elissa had set for them. He could see the others tiring, though they fought against allowing it to show, but Elissa danced ahead of them – a blur of steel and leather flickering from one target to the next so quickly one could almost lose sight of her if they didn't know where to look.

A third and fourth tower activated, the company finally set their feet on the lowest level of the ruins and made ready to enter the chamber that no doubt held the mother's lair. Elissa hung back a moment, passing a large round flask into Zevran's hands. The liquid inside it flared and glowed a bright orange and warmed the glass almost to uncomfortable levels.

"Ah, one last gift, my darling? You shouldn't have." Zevran's usual flirtations came across as labored and tense in the face of her latest decision, but if Elissa noticed this, she did not acknowledge it.

"The newest project completed by Dworkin the Mad, just in time for this little vacation." She winked at him, readying her blades once more before sharing one final glance at the threshold to the final chamber. "If there is even the smallest chance we may not be able to win by conventional methods, then you are to use that to burn it all, are we clear?"

"But, my Warden—"

"No discussion. The Mother _cannot_ live to make more of her children. This ends here, one way or another. By blade or by fire, neither she nor her progeny must leave here alive. _Are we clear_?" Her gaze made it clear she would accept no further argument, and so Zevran simply nodded, sliding the flask into his pack and hoping he would never need to use it.

Elissa could sense the countless number of The Mother's minions lurking in the shadows of the great room as she strode across the floor, though none of them moved forward to engage her company or to prevent them from moving closer to their matron. Low laughter bubbled up from The Mother's bloated bare chest as her face finally tilted up allowing her to gaze into the eyes of her enemy at long last.

"And now _all_ the pieces fall into place. The Grey Lady comes, favorite of The Father, instrument of his wrath!" Elissa held The Mother's eyes without fear, noting the spread of the crimson color out from her iris across the whites of her eyes, and wondering how long it would be before her own eyes turned in that direction. "But The Father, he is just a shadow… lingering… for my children, they love me, they protect me."

As though he was called, a translucent vision of The Architect flickered to life at Elissa's side, turning its attention immediately to The Mother. "I have told you many times, Mother… I am not _The Father_… I am merely The Architect."

"The titles we give ourselves do not change what we are! Not for me, no… not for you, or your _Grey_ _Lady_." The Mother hissed the words out venomously, her fury growing even with the perception that The Architect was nearby. "You took away the _beautiful_ music… left us with nothing!"

"It was a mistake to free you. It has left you with only madness. I am truly sorry." Elissa could hear the sincerity in those words, and imagined were she able to see The Architect's eyes; the despair in them at having harmed one he only ever meant to free could be read there just as easily.

"What's done is done. We cannot change the past, we can only seek to protect the future." Elissa set her resolve, turning her gaze from the flickering projection of The Architect back to The Mother. "You, Mother, are an abomination. You have attacked my people and me directly. Your threat ends here."

"Yes, yes… you have wished for my death for many nights, _this_ The Mother knows. But, before you claim your prize, The Mother would have _you_ know the truth that The Father keeps hidden from your eyes." Elissa saw a twitch in the image at her side, but could not decipher whether it was in reaction to The Mother's words, or simply a fluctuation in transmission. "The Mother would have the Grey Lady know that it was The Father who began the Blight! You seek the source of the Archdemon, the one who brought all our kind to the surface? Well there he stands, at your side, forging an alliance when it was _he _who brought this war to your kind all along."

"Well, paint me green and call me a turnip." Oghren snorted, not at all prepared for that turn of events, and suddenly uncertain who it was he should be arming himself to fight against.

"Ah, there it is then… unfortunate." The Architect did not try to broach an argument against The Mother's accusations, he simply sighed and offered the story of his past with the hope it would suffice for a time. "It was me. I found the Old God, Urthemiel. But I did not wish another Blight. I tried to attempt my Joining. I hoped that my success would free all darkspawn from the chains that held them; that it would unravel the curse from its very source. But I was unlucky."

"Did you, even for a moment, consider the repercussions of your actions?" The words were out before Elissa could consider the irony of their source, but even with the acknowledgement that she would do nothing less to reach her own goals, she waited to hear his answer.

"Is it not the way of the Grey Wardens to do what must be done in the name of combating the Blight? Do not you yourself readily sacrifice body and blood in pursuit of what you call the greater good?" It was exactly the answer Elissa would have given in his position, and exactly the one he'd known he must provide in order to keep her from being swayed again from his cause. "The Blight is a menace, both for your people and mine. To end it requires sacrifice and risk. We take what we can onto our own shoulders; it is what leaders do. But there are times when a single sacrifice is not enough."

The Mother could see her words had fallen on deaf ears. For whatever reason, this _Warden_ saw a similarity in The Architect that would not allow her to be lured from his side now that her decision had been made. "Begone, shadow! You cannot harm The Mother any more than you already have!"

With a wave of her diseased fingers The Architect's image flickered and faded away, turning Elissa's focus once again to the monster in front of her.

"Did you think to turn me with that revelation?" Elissa paced closer to The Mother, the concoction pulsing away in her blood, pushing her to end this fight one way or another. "Nothing has changed, Mother. I know what you are. I know your plans to decimate the Wardens. You will not leave here alive."

"Oh, The Mother knows your ways, Grey Lady, just as you know hers. You will not let her be, no… not after what she has done." The Mother writhed, laughter shaking through the grey flesh of her body and crackling in the air. "So it must end. It must all come crashing down."

"Then by all means, _Mother_, let us end it."

The Mother screamed in rage, launching a wave of tentacles up out of the ground as a large swarm of childer advanced from the shadows. After that it was chaos. When one wave of tentacles would go down, The Mother would sprout more. When a clutch of childer had been cut down, another would hatch forth from the eggs and cocoons that lined the walls in the hundreds.

The Architect offered what help he could, burning off large segments of The Mother's forces with a well-placed fireball or coating the full company in a healing wave, but the onslaught was endless and eventually even The Architect was out of tricks. Zevran had been taken down by one of the tentacles several minutes ago, and Oghren panted from the efforts of holding back the advancing masses after dragging the elf out of harm's way. Nathaniel had long run out of arrows and now kept the advancing ranks of childer from taking both he and the completely drained Anders down beneath them. The Messenger lay unconscious behind them, alive but forgotten in the face of much greater dangers.

Elissa scanned the room, knowing she was out of options, before turning to Anders one last time. "Remember your promise!" Her words echoed across the chamber as she stood, closing her eyes and giving herself over to the thing that lived within her.

"Promise? _What_ promise?" Nathaniel's voice shook as he turned in Anders' direction.

Anders couldn't be sure whether it was anger or fear that shook The Archer's words, but he took no chances, pulling forth the last vestiges of his dwindling resources to drop the man with a sleep spell strong enough to keep him out while Anders weaved their way back out of the ruins as he'd said he would do.

"You should come now!" Anders called out to Zevran, Oghren and The Messenger who was slowly coming to at his side. "It's over. There is nothing more we can do here!"

Zevran started to argue, but Elissa's voice – or perhaps the tone running beneath it – silenced him before any words could pass his lips.

"Go. Now." Her eyes were gone to darkness as her longswords clattered to the ground, and a crimson haze began to swirl around her as the blood seeping forth from the countless wounds in her body seemed to evaporate into the air. "_Run!_"

Everyone sat in horrified fascination as Elissa moved slowly in The Mother's direction, watching the darkening cloud grow larger with each step she took. The childer that advanced and made contact with it, fell to the ground gasping and clawing their chests and faces as the caustic properties of her blood burned them alive inside and out, and even The Mother's tentacles flinched away from it, the gray flesh dropping away in large chunks wherever it had come in contact.

Elissa did nothing to contain it, so it flooded the nearly sealed chamber like wildfire, reaching out smoky tendrils toward her companions before they could regain their senses and clamber out of range. Zevran choked and stumbled, righting himself against Oghren's shoulder, and turning terrified eyes up to watch The Messenger aid in bearing Nathaniel's dead weight out of the room and up the first long staircase.

"Move!" Zevran yelled, tossing Dworkin's flask through the door behind him and watching the remaining eggs nearest the door dissolve in flame.


	42. Chapter 42: Casualties of War

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** This one is a short one, but I think the need for a break between what happens here - and what is coming, will be obvious._

_Antivan Translation: Love_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my wonderful betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Forty-Two: Casualties of War<strong>_

Dworkin may have been mad, but that madness resulted in explosives that were nothing short of devastating. The small blaze that had begun just inside the final chamber's door had spread like wildfire in the wake of those who sought to escape, following the path of the corruption through tower and across bridge and pushing Elissa's companions at a progressively more frantic pace simply to stay ahead of it. The Architect joined them near the tower where last they'd met, doing what he could to push back the flames enough to allow for escape.

On the dry sand of the Dragonbone Wastes, those who had survived the battle collapsed. They had been pushed to their breaking points, and now drained physically they were forced to process the emotional strain of a profound loss.

The Architect wandered through the small group treating what injuries they would allow. No one spoke, each man lost in his own personal musings. Anders glanced back at the great stone door, listening to the far away creak and clatter of falling rubble and wondering if he had done the right thing. He had done as Elissa requested, of that he was certain, but the people around him looked broken and he wondered if she had been right in her assumption that it was he and Nathaniel who could repair that damage.

As if called, The Archer began to stir, and Anders braced himself for what would follow as he regained his senses. Oghren struggled to his feet, knowing that Zevran could not and that Nathaniel's temper would be more than The Mage could manage.

"What is… where..?" Nathaniel pushed himself up to a seated position, brushing back the hair that had fallen loose from its restraints and now hid his eyes. The gesture gave him a clear line of sight to the stone door, now beginning to show damage from the flames just inside it.

Nathaniel stood, stumbling for a moment as his mind fought to keep up with the forced recovery of his body. He passed his eyes around the group, but did not find the one person he sought.

"Now, why don'tcha sit back down and wait for a—" Oghren attempted to reason with The Archer as he paced closer to the door, the look on his face making it clear how close he was to losing control of his temper completely.

"I have to go back in." Nathaniel pulled loose his bow and his pack and tossed them thoughtlessly to the ground. If he had any chance he would need to move fast; those things were useless now and would only hamper his movement. "I have to get to her."

"You aren't that thick." Anders was exhausted and no longer cared whose buttons he was pushing. "Look at the doorway, Nathaniel. It's like that the whole way down. The darkspawn corruption is surprisingly flammable. It's a wonder any of us made it out. If she survived The Mother, than she's burned with her now. It's over. She's gone."

Anders didn't want the words to be true, but the sooner he accepted the fact that Elissa wasn't coming back this time, the sooner he could attempt to refocus them all and get them back to The Keep as he'd promised he would.

"_You_ don't know her like I do, Mage!" Nathaniel's eyes were as hard as the edge in his voice. "I can still read what she's feeling through the conduit, and I'm telling you, regardless of how you all plotted to leave her down there, she is alive!"

"_Plotted?_ No one plotted beyond Elissa. That's the promise I made to her. That I would get you out alive. That I would make sure you survived to rebuild the order. All this is yours now, Howe. Arl of Amaranthine in the end after all. She left the Wardens to you."

"If I am your commander, then I say we go back in."

Anders could see how much the revelation shook him, though as usual Nathaniel used his arrogance in an attempt to disguise it, an action that suddenly struck the mage as exceptionally funny. "So… your first order as Warden-Commander is that we should all commit suicide? Don't do this, Nathaniel. She sacrificed everything so that we'd survive – don't be the tool I've always thought you were this time. Be the man _she_ thought you were."

Nathaniel hesitated, torn between following his heart or following Elissa's unspoken orders, but before he could make a decision – The Architect broke the silence. "It would appear this discussion is a moot point, Wardens."

Through the dancing flames inside the door moved a shadow, faint at first and distorted by the heat, but it was there and making steady progress toward the door.

"Arm yourselves." Nathaniel choked out the words and pulled loose his blades, hoping that The Architect was right but unwilling to take a chance that his first accomplishment as Warden-Commander would be allowing anything to escape what should have been a tomb.

The others struggled to their feet, even Zevran making an effort to stand before his injuries dropped him back down. Anders moved over to offer what help he could, though he was loathe to take his eyes away from the figure now nearly out the door. Though her face and body were marred by blood and burning, there was no mistaking who it was.

"Impossible…" It was little more than a whisper, and Anders' eyes focused in on her, watching the flames curve against the shimmering bubble that surrounded her.

"How did you—" Nathaniel turned back to The Mage, assuming that the shield which had obviously protected Elissa from most of the more severe fire damage had come from his hands.

"It wasn't me."

Elissa seemed either unaware or unconcerned about the presence of her companions, walking right past them to where The Messenger and The Architect stood. Her eyes were still lost to the darkness of her curse and her mouth curled up as she lifted her grisly trophy into the air – the slow, remorseless smile of the damned - proud and unapologetic.

"Grey Lady!" The Messenger dropped to his knees at her side, the action more instinctual than intentional, but the power of that gesture was lost on no one. He was a knight fallen prone at the feet of a queen, a stark illustration of how drastically the world was changing.

"Rise." Elissa spared the creature a passing glance that seemed half annoyance and watched him scramble to his feet before tossing her prize in his direction. "Pike that up on one of the discarded swords outside the entrance. Let those that survive know, let _all_ know, what happens to those who seek to cross me."

The Messenger nodded, and shuffled off to do as she bid him with no hesitation, and the group watched as The Mother's dismembered head found its new home – locked in one final desperate scream for all eternity.

Large sections of Elissa's armor were missing where flame or battle had rent them loose from her body, and Anders wondered how she was able to ignore that much pain and continue to function. He dug in his pack for one last lyrium potion, willing to risk the madness to heal what he could before it had a chance to scar her further.

"Do not trouble yourself." The Architect waved him back with an unsettling smile, pulling a sickly green glow into his taloned fingers and passing it across Elissa's body until little more than the pink hue of new flesh remained as a reminder of her injuries.

"I believe I have earned the answers to my questions." Elissa's focus was singular. Now that her task was complete she had a desire for nothing else beyond the truths that only The Architect could offer her.

"Indeed you have." The Architect nodded his head, unsettling laughter breaking the silence of her stunned companions. "Unfortunately, we must delay those conversations for another time. The others in your order will not be so… _understanding_… of our accord. I think it is best that I make myself a bit more difficult to locate until the storm has settled."

"You promise me the world and think I will let you walk away still holding it?" The blue glow of lyrium flickered to life on Starfang's surface as she drew it from its sheath, eyes narrowed in growing frustration. "You claim to _know_ me, but if you think that will ever happen… clearly you are mistaken."

"I will return. On that you have my word." The creature reached over to draw her free hand and press it between his own. "Until then, The Messenger will remain at your side. Should you need to contact me, he will know how to do so."

"Go then." Elissa relaxed the hold on her blade, drawing loose her other hand and flicking The Architect away as though he was little more than an annoyance now that she had been unable to get what she truly desired. "But I will not wait forever."

"Nor will you have the need." The Architect's hands glowed again, a deep green hue that radiated out around his entire body before fading him out entirely. "Until we meet again, Grey Lady…"

Elissa stood for a moment longer, muttering angrily in some language Anders didn't recognize as she sheathed her sword, and still completely ignorant of anyone other than The Messenger who remained planted firmly at her side.

"Commander." Oghren was the first to attempt drawing her attention, but his words were unusually hesitant and easily lost when she turned her focus to The Messenger and began discussing plans for future contact.

"Elissa." Anders stood, unable to ignore her behavior any longer – and forced to take several steps in her direction to grab her arm when she still refused to acknowledge him. "Elissa!"

The dark voids of her eyes stared through him, moving up from her inspection of his grip on her arm to his face. It took every ounce of courage he could muster to stand there unshaken and force her to see him and hear what he was saying.

"Are you really so far gone that you don't even realize we're still here?" He nearly flinched when Elissa pulled her arm free and walked past him, but refocused quickly when he thought she might shut him out again. "Wherever you've gone, you need to come back now. Zevran is—"

"Zevran is _what_?" Elissa spun back on him, the sudden insect-like twitch of her head menacing. "Has one of you gotten a scratch that requires my attention? Aren't you a healer? Shouldn't that be _your_ job?"

"A scr… a…" Anders' temper rose the longer he spoke to her. "It is beyond a scratch, and nothing I can heal. Zevran is tainted. The Elissa I know would care about that."

"Tainted?" Elissa's face dropped, the arrogance and confidence of the beast faded like the darkness in her eyes as she stepped past him and dropped to the ground at Zevran's side. "Impossible… he's… impossible."

"My apologies, _amore_. It seems I am not as immortal as I have led you to believe." Zevran flinched as Elissa tugged back the edge of his rent armor, exposing the dark edged wound in his side.

"How could this… How did..?" She shook her head, unable to comprehend that her friend lay dying right in front of her. Zevran was untouchable, he always emerged unscathed.

"The way such things always happen. The other on the bridge was faster."

"This happened on the bridge! Why didn't you tell me?" Elissa turned from her inspection of his wound, digging frantically through her pack, tossing endless items to the ground and muttering curses as she failed to find what she was looking for.

"To what end, my darling? Our task remained the same. My condition changed nothing." Zevran's eyes recognized the vial she pulled from her pack the moment she uncorked it and caught his attention.

"Drink this." Elissa watched him hesitate, this attempt to stave off what they both knew awaited him making her intentions clear though she had not yet voiced them. "It will hold progression at bay until I can get you back to The Keep. It will hold back the taint until I can—"

"Until you can put me through The Joining." Still Zevran did not drink. His life had been hers for the taking since she had spared him so many years before, and yet he stood hesitant on the precipice of this his greatest leap of faith.

"I know that being a Warden is not of your choosing. I know this is not how you wanted things to be… and I would not force this on you, I _have_ not forced this on you but…" Her hands were shaking as she struggled to find the words to convince him. "I cannot lose you, Zevran. Not now. Not like this. Please. Don't make me force it."

It was obvious that she would. Best intentions or not, his decision was only to do it with his own hand or to swallow it down as she forced it upon him. She would not bend to his will this time. His path had been chosen – so he took the vial and swallowed it back, wincing at the burn and wondering how it was she managed the noxious fluid every day.

"Come. Once we get to the horses it will be manageable. I have more of the tonic. If I space it out, it will be enough." Elissa wrapped his arm around her shoulder, bearing his weight against her body and making her way out of the wastes – once again ignorant of all else around her.

The others trailed behind in silence, giving the pair a modicum of space after any offer to assist had been forcefully denied. When they made it to the horses, Nathaniel could keep silent no longer.

"I am the faster rider, Elissa. Let me take him." There was no arrogance in his tone this time, though Nathaniel was certainly right to make such an assertion, but he knew that such behavior would not serve him at the moment.

"No." Elissa continued to work at the ties that restrained her horse with one hand, refusing to release her hold on Zevran even for a moment to allow herself the ease of two.

"Then at least take Nocturne." Nathaniel moved past her, un-tethering the stallion and pacing it forward to her side. She looked at him for a moment before accepting the offer with a nod and allowing Nathaniel to support Zevran's weight long enough for her to mount and settle atop the horse. "He knows the shortest path. Let him ride it. He will not lead you astray."

"Thank you." Elissa's expression was pained as she wrapped her arm around Zevran and reached for the reins.

"I'll lead the others. We won't be far behind you." Nathaniel called out to her as she rode away, but doubted she heard him or cared.


	43. Chapter 43: The Metamorphosis

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** A little glimpse of what happened at The Keep while they were gone. :D_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and as usual to my betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Forty-Three: The Metamorphosis<strong>_

Nocturne led Elissa true, just as Nathaniel promised he would. Beyond that, the stallion rode well beyond any normal animals' capacity. Zevran lost his battle to stay conscious as the parapets of The Keep came into view, the remnants of Elissa's last tonic doing what they could in his blood stream.

Elissa noted the damage to the right outer wall and the massive amount of darkspawn corpses strewn about the property. Whoever stood watch on the ramparts called for the main gates to open on their approach – leaving Elissa free to ride straight through, sparing a look around the inner courtyard and breathing a half-sigh of relief when very few injured or dead looked to be from her forces.

She rode straight through the courtyard and up the main steps into the outer Keep, dismounting just inside and beckoning one of the guards over to help her bring Zevran down from the saddle. "Where is Varel?"

"He was injured in the battle. They took him to the infirmary to see to his wounds." The guard could sense that his response did little to soothe the commander, and became increasingly anxious in response.

"Well, someone must be seeing to the cleanup efforts that have begun. Who did he leave in charge?" Elissa hoisted Zevran up over her shoulder, bracing against a weight she wasn't quite expecting. "Out with it, man. I can't stand here all day waiting for you to find your tongue!"

"T-the mage, Commander. When Varel went down, he took over. Been keeping us all going ever since."

"Jowan." Elissa smiled as the words sank in, heading off down the hall to Zevran's quarters. "Have him meet me in the east wing. He will be able to find the room. And have someone see to my horse."

The guard muttered a few words of response before stumbling off to do as he'd been told.

* * *

><p>"Will he survive?" Jowan's words were shaky, but it was more in response to the emotional weight he could see on Elissa than the situation at hand.<p>

"His pulse is still weak, but he's alive – which means The Joining has taken." Elissa lifted her head from where it had lain against Zevran's side, pushing slowly to her feet and brushing a strand of blonde hair away from the elf's eyes. "Now, we just have to wait and see if he survives the trauma of his injuries."

"I'm sorry I'm not a better healer."

"There is no need to apologize, Jowan." Elissa squeezed his shoulder on her way to the window, peering out to watch as Voldrik evaluated the damage to the outer wall and pulled in laborers to begin working on repair. "I'd say you've more than proven your worth here. I heard rumors of large tree creatures coming to battle and a wall knit entirely of bramble holding back The Mother's forces when stone failed. I originally thought I'd have to thank Velanna, but it was you, wasn't it?"

"I-I… Yes. They were pouring through the gap in the wall and Velanna just… she just vanished." Jowan was far away as he worked his way through the memory of what had happened. "I'd been working with that tome you gave me for weeks, and just kind of started reciting some of the passages. Before I knew it, I was calling trees and building walls."

"And thank goodness you did." Elissa turned back from the window, stepping forward to hold Jowan's eyes. "You turned the tide of this battle, Jowan – and very likely saved The Keep and all inside by doing so. You have the gratitude of all who survived due to your quick thinking. And you have mine."

"Yours?" Jowan looked confused.

"I could not return until my task had been completed. I had to trust that I had chosen well with those I left behind, and it's obvious that I did. You defended The Keep with minimal losses. I could have done no better myself."

Jowan blushed as one of the guardsmen appeared in the door, still uncomfortable in the face of any sort of praise – no matter how much he deserved it.

"Commander. The rest of your party have arrived at the front gates. Should I send them up?"

"Have Anders come here directly. The others are free to move as they please." Elissa nodded her dismissal to the guardsman, noting that Jowan too excused himself before the others could arrive.

* * *

><p>"If you won't eat or rest or have a bath, you should <em>at least<em> go and change out of what is left of that armor," Anders mused, settling the last of the bandages over Zevran's wound and quirking a bemused eyebrow in Elissa's direction. "Stepping away for two seconds won't change anything."

"Stepping away for two seconds nearly…" Elissa's words trailed off as she began to pace again, worrying with the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"You didn't do this, Elissa. From the size of the wound, I'd say it was one of the childer claws. And, as happy as I am to see that you're acknowledging our existence again, this routine of beating yourself up for things that are not your fault is just as unhealthy as the antithesis."

"Just say it, Anders. Quit mincing words and get it out. It's obvious you have something that needs venting." She stopped pacing and leaned back against the window, waiting for him to speak.

"Alright. I'm just wondering when you're going to see that this game you are playing is dangerous, and not just to you. The more you let… that… _thing_… call the shots, the less of you there seems to be." He watched as she chewed at her bottom lip, obviously formulating a response before speaking it.

"That thing _is_ me, Anders. I keep telling you – and you keep denying it – but that doesn't make it any less true." Elissa sighed, running her fingers through her hair and turning her gaze back out the window again. "And I'll admit, I need to learn balance—"

"Balance? Is there a balance for it? It certainly doesn't seem like it."

"I can see there's no point in discussing this further with you." Elissa pushed back from the windowsill with a shake of her head, strolling back over to where Zevran lay and resuming her vigil.

"Look. I can see your rationale in making the decision to expose yourself to those vials of who knows what – and maybe I can even see the logic in allowing yourself to access those abilities, to a certain extent. But whatever door you opened back there in The Mother's lair nearly killed us all, and when you came back out of there, you weren't yourself anymore." Anders tried again to make his point, but the tension in her shoulders told him that the words still weren't getting through.

"I never intended to hurt any of my allies, but sometimes the few must be sacrificed for the safety of the many." The words were only slightly louder than a whisper, but they were there hanging in the air.

"And now you're quoting the stratagem of that twisted…" Anders recognized those words, he'd heard a near duplication of them come from The Architect just before they'd entered battle with The Mother. "You've never been willing to sacrifice anyone beyond yourself in the past."

"I've always shouldered most of these burdens for my own, and I'm not saying that I won't continue to do so, insofar as I can." Elissa worried with her jaw line before pacing back toward the door. "But the world is changing, and the threats that will emerge in the wake of that change I can no longer predict. There may come a time when I can no longer look at my companions and say that your life is more valuable than those of some nameless village or an entire country."

"Then I suppose it's good to know where I stand now." Anders watched her body language carefully, searching for any sign of remorse in reaction to his response, but he caught nothing. She stood there as unapologetic as she had before.

"I'm going to go and change. I'll be back to relieve you for the evening as soon as I can."

* * *

><p>Elissa's return to Zevran's quarters had not been fast at all. She'd been waylaid by guards and stonemasons and Wade – everyone insisting their requests were more important. Hearing all of that reminded her of the things that still remained to be seen to in Amaranthine, so with a heavy heart and the promise that Zevran was out of the woods, she dressed in an old suit of armor and prepared to ride for the city.<p>

"Surely you don't think you're leaving alone?" Nathaniel leaned armed and armored inside her doorway, his full pack on the floor at his side, and tried not to smile when Elissa glanced up at him – sighed – and went back to strapping her boots on. "The Mother is dead, but there are other threats which linger, unless you think she was the one hiring mercenaries to kill you."

"Don't be daft, Nathaniel." Elissa pushed up from the bed and turned to draw her swords loose from the weapon rack. "I haven't forgotten what's still out there, but there are things in Amaranthine that must be dealt with. I can delay them no longer."

"And I'm not saying you should." He bent down and picked up his pack from the floor, tossing it over his shoulder and stepping into the room. "I'm just saying you don't have to do it alone."

"Nathaniel…"

"I know this is a position Zevran usually fills, but I also know that he is still recovering from the battle and The Joining." Nathaniel stopped in front of her as she set her swords at her back. "So, unless you have a better idea, I've come to offer my services."

"Nathaniel… I am aware that your past, like Zevran's, would make you a logical choice for this, but you've never shown any interest in _helping_ in the past – not to mention you have Delilah to think about. If she knew—" She reached down to grab her pack before Nathaniel reached out to take her hand.

"Delilah was _wrong_ to say what she did, Elissa. And so was I. The choices you make are not easy, and I do not envy your having to make them – but I can see now that you honestly believe you are making them for the right reasons." He stroked at her hand, running his thumb across her knuckles and back again. "I've also spent an awful lot of time _telling_ you how different I am from the other men in your life and not a whole lot of time living up to that assertion. I'd like to work on changing that, if you'll let me."

"Are you certain?"

"Am I certain you shouldn't bear this alone? Absolutely."

"No, that isn't what I meant I…" Elissa pulled her hand free and paced away again, her brow knitting in thought. "This won't be like the Free Marches, Nathaniel. You can't claim it was another's directive. If you do this, you walk in eyes open. It is a lot of blood to have on your hands, and I can assure you, it will never come off."

"I know what I'm doing, Elissa. And I offer myself with no reservations." He held her eyes and made no attempt to hide anything he was thinking or feeling – simply waiting for her to make the decision that would alter their relationship once again.

"We lost several horses during the battle, and I am hesitant to tax the ones who have just returned with another journey. We will have to… share… a ride."

"I can think of worse ways to spend an evening." Nathaniel chuckled.

"Do you ever stop?" Elissa tried not to smile as she shouldered her pack and brushed by him, but couldn't completely stop her lips from curving at the edges.

"Not if I can help it."

From the shadows at the end of the hall Anders watched the pair leave, low companionable laughter drifting down the hall to where he stood. The fact that she had chosen Nathaniel to accompany her was just one more thing that proved just how far down the wrong path Elissa had traveled, and he wondered if there was any hope of bringing her back now.

He briefly entertained going after them and asking to accompany her instead, but he knew he had no stomach for the task she was going to complete and that his hand was needed here as much of the Keep's inhabitants recovered from injury and illness. With a sigh he went back to his vigil at Zevran's side, hoping that Elissa might see reason when she returned.


	44. Chapter 44: Everything Old Is New Again

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale._

_**A/N:** A bit of a turning point for Nathaniel and Elissa here, but don't get too excited - you know how they are :P _

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my wonderful betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Forty-Four: Everything Old is New Again<strong>_

The ride into Amaranthine was silent and uneventful, for which Elissa was immensely grateful. Climbing up onto a horse with Nathaniel was not something she had done since they were teenagers and very much in love. She had been reluctant to go there again, but he had kept his word and been nothing short of a gentleman. Even now there were no comments or sideways glances as he dropped down from the saddle and reached up to draw her after him. Even the conduit between them was blissfully silent.

Hasan, the guardsman she had left in charge following Aidan's disappointment, had done a fantastic job of keeping up with Elissa's explicit instructions and had even managed to begin some of the cleanup on the damage done to the city.

"Have there been any further occurrences of disease within the city?" Elissa's words were measured as she removed her gauntlets and tucked them away within her pack, turning to follow Hasan toward the Infirmary.

"No, Commander. The quarantine stopped the spread, but those held within lost the ability to leave their beds several days ago." Hasan's eyes were haunted, and Elissa took in a deep breath as she pulled a vial out of her pack, fidgeting with the edge of the corked lip.

"Thank you, Hasan. You have gone above and beyond what anyone could be asked to do. I hope you will accept my offer and take up the position of Constable. Amaranthine will need you in the coming days."

"Y-yes, Commander. I will… I will do my best." The guardsman bowed, both humbled by the offer and overwhelmed in the face of what he knew Elissa must now do.

His eyes strayed to Nathaniel, whose father he had known, and Elissa could see the man contemplating the cruelty that might run through his bloodline like a poison. She knew all too well what the people of the arling who had not been taken in by Rendon's spell thought of the man now that he was gone – and that they worried just how many of those tendencies had been passed down to his children.

"These people will die, Hasan – with or without my intervention. I am offering them a far more peaceful end than what will come without this vial in my hand." The guardsman nodded, but did not shift his attention, forcing Elissa to clear her throat and draw his eyes. "This is done by _my _orders. Nathaniel had no say in this."

Hasan nodded and walked away, leaving the two Wardens standing just outside the Infirmary alone.

"That was unnecessary, Elissa. I stopped caring what people thought of me a long time ago."

"I care." Elissa pushed the door open, stepping into the entry room and waving one of the caretakers in their direction.

Nathaniel watched as she gathered the handful of healthy people in the building and sent them on their way, wondering how long this – the latest of her mercurial mood swings – was destined to last.

Once the last of the healers had walked out the door, Elissa stepped forward into the room and stopped at the table being used to distribute water and what food the ill could manage to digest. She popped the cork from the vial and emptied a third of it into the water, watching it cloud and then disappear.

"I hadn't thought of that." Nathaniel watched as Elissa tucked the vial back into her pack before settling it to the floor and beginning to pour what she'd mixed into the cups laid out on the table.

"What? You thought I was going to come in here with a blade and slit their throats?" There was no humor in Elissa's tone as she turned to look at him, and Nathaniel knew there was a part of her that knew exactly what kind of monster she appeared to be.

"Elissa…"

"Are you certain you are up to this task, Nathaniel? I will give you one last chance to walk away." She did not look at him, merely continued loading the tray in front of her with cups and waiting for his reply.

"I have not changed my mind, Elissa. I am here beside you. Just tell me what you need me to do." He took the tray she pressed into his hands and watched her load a second for herself.

"You take the right half and I'll take the left. Start at the back and work yourself forward. What's in those mugs will be enough to sedate a man of your size so there shouldn't be a problem with having to adjust the dosage."

"What should I do if they ask—" Elissa turned at the tone in his voice, stopping him mid sentence.

"Most of these people are too far gone to care, and those still aware enough to acknowledge your presence know that they are dying and will welcome this. But, if someone asks…" She drifted off for a moment, lost in some distant place. "If someone asks, tell them it's just like going to sleep. There will be no more pain, no more sickness, only peace."

As Elissa moved away, Nathaniel noted that she had assigned herself the side of the building where all of the people she had pointed out to him from the Chantry stairs had been positioned. The mother of four, the man who was the last of his bloodline, even Albert was a responsibility she had taken for her own. He thought to argue with her, but knew he'd get nothing beyond a swell in irritation and a possible order simply to leave altogether.

When all the cups had been distributed, there was nothing to do but wait and check to ensure that the poison had completed the task for which it was intended. Nathaniel stood after checking the last of his half of the large building and turned to find Elissa lingering at Albert's side.

As the day had passed, he'd felt the whirlwind of emotions building inside her – though she had fought to keep them concealed from him. But now as he approached her at the man's bedside, he could sense nothing but sorrow and regret. It weighed her down, and he could see the strain on her body as she stood.

"I need to speak to Hasan. If they've started cleaning the city, they must be burning the corpses somewhere. These will need to be added to that pyre."

"It is asking a lot to have people accept the burning of their loved ones' remains so soon after acknowledging that a loss must come. Is there no other way to dispose of them?" Nathaniel watched her rub at her brow before responding, and knew that he'd asked the wrong question.

"You cannot bury the tainted. They Blight the earth, the animals, everything they come into contact with. They must be burned, and the sooner the better. The longer they stay here, the longer this festers and the more likely it will spread again." Elissa took in a deep breath before looking at him again. "If you do not wish to help with this part, then I will relieve you of that duty – but it will be done with our without your consent."

"I wasn't trying to back out, Elissa. I was simply trying to find a better way; a way less likely to result in half of the arling burning _you_ in effigy mere weeks after you saved them all." Her laughter interrupted his thoughts, and he shook his head, wondering what she could possibly find funny this time.

"People are _always_ going to burn me in effigy, Nathaniel. No matter how many times, how many ways I save them – it all ends the same. They don't… they _cannot_ understand what we do. If they did, they'd just live their lives in fear and no one can exist like that – not with any hope of sanity. Part of the sacrifice I make is to play both hero and villain, to be cast in the role they need to fill. A week ago I was their savior, tomorrow I'll be the monster that took their mothers and fathers and children. It's how things must be." She leaned against the wall, looking out the tiny window into the gathering darkness, though Nathaniel knew there was nothing there to be seen.

"It isn't fair."

"_Life_ isn't fair. You and I, of all people, should know that." She stood again, pausing to catch his eyes before heading out the door. "I'll go and find Hasan. Let no one in until I return."

Nathaniel found himself unable to do anything but nod his acceptance; the weight of what it was Elissa _really_ did for those she was charged to protect starting to become even clearer to his eyes. No one should bear a burden like this alone, and Elissa had done that for so long he wondered how she continued to stand the strain of it.

* * *

><p>Most of the townspeople no longer left their houses after dark, making it easier to keep their grisly task hidden in the shadows of the night. As the last of the bodies was loaded onto the burning remnants of a house at the farthest edge of the outer walls, Elissa sent Nathaniel to secure lodging at the Crown and Lion knowing they had neither the stamina nor the inclination to make it back to The Keep without resting.<p>

When she walked through the tavern door an hour later covered in ash and mud and Maker only knew what else, she did not expect to see Nathaniel lounging at the bar with food and ale.

"Do you want the good news, or the bad news?" He swallowed down the mouthful of food he'd just taken with a drink of the watery ale, and tried not to laugh at the look of poorly disguised irritation on her face.

"I'd prefer neither, but seeing as you have both, let's get the bad out first, shall we?" She settled down on the stool at his side, taking the mug right out of his hand and finishing it off before waving for another.

"The bad news is that with half of the city destroyed, most people are taking rooms at the inns, so there was only a single room available." He watched her eyes narrow in his direction as she pulled a large piece of cheese out of his plate, but she said nothing. "The good news is, there is a hot bath waiting for you inside of it, along with a plate of food and pitcher of ale all your own."

"A bath you've no doubt already used, before settling yourself down for a meal." Elissa snorted, snagging another piece of cheese before heading for the stairs, room key in hand. "I'm locking the door, and so help me, Nathaniel – if you pick it and come in before I'm bathed and dressed I'll send you to the Void."

Nathaniel shared a laugh with the innkeeper before turning back to his meal, pretending the thought hadn't crossed his mind.

* * *

><p>Elissa laughed to herself when she finally heard the light knock at her door, wondering how long Nathaniel had stood there contemplating picking the lock before deciding it was in his best interest not to.<p>

"Enter."

"I thought you were going to lock it." Nathaniel chuckled, stepping through the door and latching it behind him with the assumption that neither of them would be leaving again until morning.

"I did, while I was naked." Elissa leaned back into her spot on the couch, enjoying the warmth of the fire as she scribbled various notations in her journal.

"You say these things to taunt me." He shook his head as he settled down on the couch beside her, watching her curl up her legs and then stretch them back into his lap just as she'd done in this very room months before.

"Yes, Nathaniel. I see to my personal hygiene just to taunt you." She rolled her eyes and dropped the journal down against her chest. "Tell me you don't actually _think_ these things."

"Not really. But you know how I feel, and yet you causally mention being naked as though I'm to have no reaction at all."

"Fine. I won't speak of being naked again." Elissa sighed and went back to her journal, kicking lightly at him when he dragged a nail up the arch of her foot.

"Well, that's no fun." Nathaniel laughed, pushing up the leg of her pants and working his fingers into the muscles of her calves. "Just know if you _do_ decide to bring it up, you should be prepared to get as good as you give."

"I don't care if you talk about being naked, Nathaniel." She rubbed at her nose but didn't look in his direction, a sure sign that she was bluffing.

"There's no use in lying, Elissa. Brief and transient though it was, we have been together now. I know how you looked at me then, and I know how you looked before. You aren't nearly as unaffected as you like to pretend." His fingers hit the inside of her knee and trailed up into her thigh, brushing the edge of the scar he knew began there, and he smirked as she cleared her throat and pushed his hand back down.

"Let's change the subject."

"Alright." Nathaniel chuckled softly, shifting himself slightly on the couch and working his hand back under the edge of her trousers. "Do you remember sitting in this room months ago and realizing what it was my father actually _did_ to us?"

"Of course I remember." Elissa glared at him, arching an eyebrow as he drew his fingers along the inside of her lower thigh once again. "If you have a point, I'd suggest getting to it."

"I tried to get you to kiss me. To prove that you still had feelings for me."

"Yes, I remember that as well." She sighed, reaching down to dislodge his hand from her pant leg once again and starting to pull herself to a seated position.

"Well, now I _know_." Nathaniel leaned in, pressing his body against hers as he leaned her back against the arm of the couch. "You kissed me that night before The Mother, even though you wouldn't say it in words. You love me, Elissa. This is meant to be."

"It doesn't matter, Nathaniel. I'm not a good match for anyone, that should be painfully obvious." Elissa held his eyes, hoping that he would understand. "You want more than I can give."

"You have no idea what I want," Nathaniel assured her, leaning in to brush a quick kiss against her lips.

"I'm getting a pretty clear impression of what you want against my inner thigh at the moment," she responded, trying to resist her body's need to respond to the touch of his hands. "Anything between us will only end in disaster. I'm trying to spare you the—"

"Bullshit, Elissa. You're afraid. Afraid of what we _could_ have – and so you won't even try." He kissed her again, never wavering from her eyes until she closed them and just gave into it.

"This is… this is _such_ a bad idea." Elissa's words were breathy as Nathaniel trailed his lips across her jaw, and down her neck, pulling aside the loosely tied neck of her shirt to expose her upper chest.

Beyond that it was all sensation, the intoxicating feeling of human contact and the overwhelming swell of passion and adoration that flowed through the conduit. There was a powerful connection between them, just as there had always been, and denying it was becoming harder with every passing day.

The fog of desire lifted briefly with a sharp rap at their door, snapping Elissa's head to attention before Nathaniel attempted to draw her back down with a demanding hand against her breast. "Ignore it. Whoever it is can wait until tomorrow."

"Nathaniel! Open the door. I know you're in there. I can hear you talking." Delilah's voice drifted through the wood, thick with pain and anger, neither of which could be ignored.

"Damn it all…" Nathaniel sighed, pushing his weight up to allow Elissa to scramble out from under him, straighten her clothes and answer the door giving him a moment to work his body back under control.

The look on Delilah's face when Elissa pulled the door open undid all the distraction Nathaniel had just provided. It was obvious both that Delilah had expected to find her there, and that she had no desire to see her.

"Is my brother not allowed to answer the door?" Delilah snipped, stepping into the room and passing her eyes over everything in it with disdain.

"I was closer to the door. That's all."

"You were closer to presentable is more likely." Delilah snorted, rolling her eyes before turning to Nathaniel. "What's the matter, Nathaniel? Can't stand at the moment?"

"I'll give you two some time alone." Elissa offered, moving toward the door.

"Yes, _please_ do. I'd like to ask my brother why he felt the need to burn my husband's body, preventing me from giving him a proper burial."

"Delilah… Nathaniel had nothing to do with this. Your anger should be directed at me." Elissa drew her attention, waving Nathaniel to silence when he thought to intervene. "He is here by my command, and everything that has been done is with my order. Nathaniel is not to blame."

"Is he here in your room _on orders_, or does he lie with a monster of his own volition?" Delilah's words were venomous, and Elissa visibly recoiled before composing herself and making her way out the door in silence.

The tension between the two people most important to him was like being doused in cold water, so Nathaniel had no trouble dashing after Elissa into the hall. "Wait, Elissa… she had no right to—"

"She had _every_ right to, Nathaniel. This is how things have to be. You cannot have Albert's blood on your hands. Now go, be there for your sister. I will see you in the morning."

He paused for a moment, torn between his blood and his heart, until Elissa made the decision for him – disappearing down the stairs and into the tavern below.


	45. Chapter 45: It's Always In the Last Plac

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** A little more from Vigil's Keep, and a few surprises. :D_

_Antivan Translations:_

_1. Lady Death._

_2. Poisoned husk of a man. I should have bled him years ago._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers! And to my wonderful betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Forty-Five: It's Always In the Last Place You Look<strong>_

"You should have tried harder, Nathaniel." Elissa's voice had an edge to it that did not help the situation as she trudged up the hill from the stables.

Delilah had spent the night in their room at the Crown and Lion, passing out to sleep in the bed after she and Nathaniel had hashed out whatever there was to be hashed out between them. Nathaniel had been left sleeping on the couch, which was far too short to hold him, and Elissa got no sleep being stuck in the tavern all night. The ride back to The Keep had been very unpleasant as a result.

"_Tried harder_?" Nathaniel snorted, tossing the reins over to a stable hand and dashing off after her. "Short of forcing Delilah into a wagon and dragging her here against her will, there is nothing I could have said or done to _try harder_."

"It isn't safe for her to be there. Not with Al…" She stumbled over the name for a moment, righting herself and continuing again. "Not with Albert gone and the city in such a state of disrepair. If she doesn't want to share space with me in The Keep proper, then she can have any one of the cottages within the walls. I should think that distance acceptable until Amaranthine can be rebuilt and she can be resettled in a home of her choosing."

"Look, Elissa." He darted in front of her and stopped her physically, pressing his hands lightly against her forearms and forcing her to look at him. "I get it. I see what you're trying to do – and I appreciate it, more than you know – particularly considering my sister's current behavior— "

"I told you that doesn't bother me."

"Yes, I can see how much it _doesn't_ bother you." Nathaniel cleared his throat, when Elissa's narrowed eyes made it clear that she wouldn't tolerate this conversation for much longer. "Elissa… coming back here won't be easy for Delilah, even without you and – well – _us _to contend with."

"_Us_?" Elissa's voice lowered, and Nathaniel could feel her body go tense beneath his fingertips, like a rabbit ready to run.

"She was _here_, Elissa. When Father started to go wrong." He glossed over his slip of the tongue with a topic he knew Elissa would not ignore, and watched understanding start to sink in. "Maker only knows the things she saw beyond what she wrote in those letters we never received. Coming back to Vigil's Keep is like going back to Hig—"

"Don't speak of things you _cannot_ understand!" Elissa hissed, yanking her arms free of his grasp and stomping up the stairs toward the main gate.

"Good job, Nathaniel." He rubbed at his jaw for a moment before taking off after her again. He had a mouthful of things to say, but stopped dead when he saw the look on her face as she traced a thumb over the missive on the top of her post. "What is it?"

"It's from Denerim." She traced her thumb across the Theirin crest once again.

"The Idiot King breaks his silence. This ought to be interesting, especially since you told him _not_ to contact you."

"He's not an idiot." Elissa's words were more an automatic response than anything as she clipped up the stairs into The Keep. "And I tell people many things they _don't_ listen to."

"I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal is, I _told_ Alistair not to contact me – and unlike _you_ – he tends to listen to those sorts of requests. Whatever this is, it's dire enough to make him risk making things worse between us to contact me." She disappeared into her office after that, closing and locking the door behind her to ensure that neither Nathaniel nor anyone else could follow.

* * *

><p>Elissa paced up to Zevran's door for the third time since she'd left her office, raising a hand to knock, only to draw it back down and pace away a few seconds later. She could not remember dreading a conversation this much in a very long time.<p>

"I can hear you out there, you know. Elves have very good hearing, not to mention – assassin."

Elissa stifled nervous laughter as his voice drifted through the door, drawing in one last calming breath before opening it and stepping inside. "I wasn't certain you'd be ready to see me."

"My darling, why in Thedas would I ever miss an opportunity to look upon your generous curves?" Zevran replied with a wink, drawing a small chuckle out of her in spite of her best efforts.

"You know what I mean." She settled down at his side where he lounged in bed surrounded by any number of books Elissa could only guess had come from Sigrun based on their questionable subject matter. "I know this is not the life you would have chosen."

"Since when is life what any of us would have chosen?" He laughed again, putting down the book he had been reading and reaching over to take her hand and brush a lingering kiss across the knuckles. "The life I would have chosen involves you in far less clothing. I _am_ willing to try it, if it is wishes you have come to grant me. Beyond that, I have the life I have, and I am fine with that."

"You are taking this far, far better than I'd imagined." Elissa passed a wary eye over his face, searching for signs that he was disguising his true feelings – though she doubted she would find them. Zevran was very good at hiding things, even better than she.

"What would you have me do, my Warden? Scream? Cry? Run away?" Zevran cocked an eyebrow at her, folding his arms across his chest and reading her expression just as she'd attempted to decipher his. "I have not run from loyalty to you in the past, and I will not run from it now. Besides, such behavior is unbecoming to a man of my caliber."

"This is different, Zev. This isn't like before. I've handed you a death sentence… I've—"

"You've handed me a contract of extension. I was there. I signed it with my own hand. These things do not come without a cost. Few know that better than you and I." He traced a thumb down her cheek, lingering at the edge of her mouth for a moment and noting the deepening color of her lips before she drew his hand away and into her own.

"I want you to know, this changes nothing. You are not obligated to stay here any more than you were before. You will always be a Warden, I cannot change that, but you are not shackled to this place or to me. Not now, not ever. This is not the Crows." Elissa felt the laughter start where their hands rested against his thigh, and wondered how the man could have such humor about everything.

"To be a kept man chained at your side. There are _worse_ things one could suffer, _Doamna_ _Mortii_." Zevran continued to laugh as she swatted him and stood again, noting the stress of his reaction was immediately replaced with whatever it was that brought her to see him.

"I received word from Denerim. Alistair has found proof of who is behind the bounty on my head. It's Anora."

"The games you nobles play." Zevran stood and paced over to her side, carefully adjusting his gait to hide the lingering twinge from the closing gash in his side. "Am I to assume our presence has been requested?"

"Eamon wants Alistair's hands to remain clean of this, and as the bounty was on my head and my hands are still stained with her father's blood…" Elissa trailed off, remembering the Landsmeet and the words that Loghain had said to her just before she took his head.

"_Avvelenato__ buccia __di un uomo.__Avrei dovuto__ sanguinato __anni fa._" The words were hissed under his breath, but Elissa understood – though she did not acknowledge.

"He's right, Zev. Alistair cannot do this."

"How long can you bathe in blood and walk away clean?" Zevran stared out the window, his face and voice more serious than Elissa could ever remember seeing them.

"A good friend once told me that a proper bath could wash away anything, even the sins of the world." Elissa smiled as he turned, recognizing his own words reflecting back at him in the voice of another.

"This friend, he was handsome, no?"

"Exceptionally." Elissa laughed, settling in at his side to begin making plans for their early morning departure.

* * *

><p>"You're leaving for Denerim." The irritation in Nathaniel's voice was poorly disguised as he stormed across Elissa's study and leaned down against her desk.<p>

"Yes, I—"

"So, The King writes you, _against_ your wishes, and you go running back like nothing ever happened?" He was dumbfounded, and furious, and barely able to contain either of them.

"No, if y—"

"C-commander?" The timid voice of Elissa's personal assistant pulled his attention, and Nathaniel turned to see her cowering just inside the door. "I-I came to tell you I couldn't locate the Lieutenant, ma'am... bu-but I see that you've found him, so I—"

"You can go, Cecile. Thank you for trying." Elissa waited for Nathaniel to diffuse, arching an eyebrow at him and settling back into her chair.

"Did she just call me?" He shook his head as he settled into the chair accross from her desk, confusion replacing the anger that had been there before.

"She did. It's what you are. Unless you don't—"

"No. I'm fine with it I... when did you..." Nathaniel searched her eyes, trying to decipher something there he hadn't seen before.

"Shortly after you came back demanding to be made a Warden. You were always meant to lead, Nathaniel. Amaranthine is yours, and it always has been. While I cannot hand it over outright, I can give back some of what you lost." She made no effort to hide anything from him, letting him read the truth in her words as easily as words on paper.

"Well, this is surprising."

"I have always seen your strengths, Nathaniel. Even when you choose to hide them beneath your _much_ less desireable qualities." Elissa leaned forward on her elbows with a smile.

"Qualities like barging into your office and yelling accusations rather than listening for an explanation?" He nodded, a small snort of laughter diffusing the last of the tension in the room.

"That would be one." She laughed as well, leaning back in her chair again and handing over the missive he'd watched her worry over earlier. "We're needed in Denerim to see to a... problem... that has been hidden in plain sight for some time."

"_Anora_!" Nathaniel's eyes snapped back up to hers when he finished the last few sentences. "It's been her the whole time?"

"Alistair seems to think so, and she has said nothing to make him believe otherwise. Zevran and I are leaving at first light. I want to speak with her before any decisions are made as to her... punishment."

"If you think I'm—" His irritation rose again, only to be stifled when Elissa spoke again.

"I sent for you because I am asking you to come as well, Nathaniel. If I left you here, you'd simply follow along anyway so I'm saving myself the trouble of having to lecture you later." She rolled her eyes when he started to argue, a wave of her hand ending the conversation and shooing him out the door. "Go, pack. Leave me to finish this ghastly paperwork and get a few hours sleep in peace."

* * *

><p>"You're leaving again?"<p>

Elissa looked up from her paperwork, so lost in thought she hadn't even heard the door, though Anders must have opened it to get inside – and she remembered Nathaniel having shut it hours before.

"Not by choice." She yawned, rubbing ink stained fingers over her eyes.

"And you're taking Howe along?" Anders listened to the slow release of a breath from behind her folded fingers, and knew he was testing her patience once again.

"Nathaniel is coming, yes, as is Zevran." Elissa sighed, dropping her hands down against her desk. "Is this how it's to be now? An argument every time Nathaniel is involved? It's becoming tiresome. He is my second, he—"

"He is _obsessed_ with you, Elissa. It is the only thing that drives the man. Not his loyalty to the Wardens, not obligation or duty. Nathaniel's path is chosen by what is most likely to get him into your bed. It always has been." His words were bitter as he sat down in the chair across from her, and Elissa could read nothing beyond that in his expression.

"And what chooses your path, Anders? What led you here tonight? Do you not wish for the same?"

"I care for you. Does that involve a desire to be your lover, yes – but that is not all that drives me. I fear for your well-being, Elissa. For how much of yourself you are losing to darkness with every passing day." Anders' tone evened out as he realized just how angry Elissa was becoming, and he made every attempt to diffuse the situation before it could spiral any further out of his control.

"You think that Nathaniel _doesn't_ care for my well-being? You cannot honestly believe that? I know that you have never cared for him, but don't let your hatred distort reality." Elissa stood from her chair, pacing over to the cabinet nearby and pulling out a bottle of wine she'd stashed away before Oghren had raided the cellars months before.

"He does nothing to stop what's happening to you! What's more, he _encourages_ it!" Anders snipped, temper building as he watched her drink straight from the bottle – another sure sign she'd abandoned her previous attempts to adjust her reckless behavior.

"_Encourages_? Hardly!" Elissa snorted, rolling her eyes. "Nathaniel rarely even agrees with me. What he _does_ is accept who I am without constantly judging me unfit. What he _does_ is support me as best he can, though he likely disagrees whole-heartedly with whatever I'm doing. That's more than I can say for you."

"Is that really what you think of me? That I'm some-some harpy here to point out your flaws and tell you what to do?" He was on his feet then, striding over to her side and stopping only inches away from her – and that was a sheer act of will in and of itself.

"It is all that you show me, Anders. What else _should_ I see?" She did not back down, glaring right back at him – unflinching in response to his anger. "All you do is tell me how _wrong_ I am. What am I supposed to believe?"

They stood a moment longer simply glaring at one another before he realized she would not hear reason tonight - no matter how loud he screamed it - and turned to go.


	46. Chapter 46: Truth and Consequences

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Will be curious to see how many of you predicted what is coming :D_

_Muse Music: What About Now? by Daughtry_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers - and to my lovely betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic** who have been extra busy this week handling my chatty muse!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Forty-Six: Truth and Consequences<strong>_

The closer to the Royal Quarter she rode, the less Elissa wanted to be there – though she knew she had no choice. Her return to this place was as inevitable as a sunset. If she hadn't been summoned to deal with Anora's latest transgression, she'd have had to come back to acknowledge whatever was or wasn't left between herself and Alistair. With The Mother dead and trapped in her pyre beneath the earth and the restorations to Vigil's Keep and Amaranthine under way there were few dire concerns left to be dealt with – and now that the person funding her would-be assassins had been revealed – there was nowhere left for Elissa to hide. She would have to deal with Alistair, one way or another.

There were few words spoken as the guards escorted the Warden-Commander and her escorts through the palace halls. Elissa had been known for her temper when she was a regular fixture at Alistair's side, and the rumors of her accelerated madness had spread through the kingdom like wildfire once she was no longer around to quell them. She had little doubt from where such rumors had stemmed. Eamon had never been a fan.

"Teagan!" The smile of relief that crossed Elissa's face when it was he who greeted them in the briefing room and not his much less agreeable brother was genuine. "I had braced myself to deal with Eamon."

"Yes, well… Alistair felt it best that we keep you and my brother at opposite ends of the castle unless it was necessary to change those plans." Teagan cleared his throat after hugging her briefly, his eyes full of concern as he noted the obvious physical changes in her before darting over to find Nathaniel Howe in her company.

"Meaning Alistair has told you about my temperament when last we saw one another and now you're all afraid to set me off. There were extenuating circumstances, Teagan. Alistair brought that down on himself. You have nothing to fear."

"You have never been known for being even-keeled, Elissa." Teagan chuckled as he backed away, pouring a crystal glass half full of some sort of sweet smelling liquor and handing it over to Elissa. "But I'm here, so obviously I'm not too concerned personally. However, I might have suggested choosing your company for this trip with a bit more decorum."

"I can hear," Nathaniel grumbled, folding his arms across his chest as this – the first of what he assumed would be _many_ shots – was lobbed in his direction.

"I never suspected you couldn't." Teagan smiled into his own decanter before pausing to take another drink. "Your father also had _very_ good hearing. Used it to steal any number of secrets from people before stabbing them in the back."

"That's right. Bring up the disgraced father and see if _that_ prods my temper enough. It won't work, Teagan. And it wouldn't matter anyway. Elissa isn't interested; she never was, even when you were a lecherous older man lusting after a girl ten years your junior!" He had taken two steps forward before he even realized it, temper rapidly spiraling as Elissa struggled to get control of the situation by planting herself in between them.

"Arrogant and entitled right to the very end. You are _exactly_ like Rendon," Teagan snorted.

"Stop it! Now! Both of you!" Elissa shoved them apart forcefully, turning her attention on Nathaniel who she knew from experience was the far bigger threat at the moment, until he relaxed and stalked back over to the corner. "I didn't expect that you'd be happy to see one another, but I certainly expected a great deal more from your behavior. Nathaniel has every right to be here. The Wardens were requested to deal with this… mess, and as Warden-Commander I can bring whomever I choose to escort me. As my lieutenant, Nathaniel _should_—"

"So he's your second now?" Alistair's sad laughter silenced the conversation, and drew Elissa's attention to where he leaned against the doorframe. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You seemed intent on your own destruction when last I saw you. It was wishful thinking to believe that would have changed."

"Alistair… I didn't come here to fight about this. I came here because you asked me to." She had almost forgotten how good he could look, the handsome lines of his face and warrior's grace with which he carried himself had made his transition into this life much easier than he would have imagined.

"Eamon wanted you involved. I simply wrote the letter. He suspected you wouldn't come otherwise." Alistair shrugged, brushing past her with little more than a half glance. "And I'm sorry, Elissa. I have to agree with my uncle. If you didn't want a fight, you should have chosen your company more carefully – though… you _did_ come to extract information and dole out punishment – I suppose you would want those most experienced at torture and murder along for the ride. No offense, Zevran."

"None taken," Zevran assured him, smiling through the discomfort that hung heavy in the air.

"Can we just get this over with?" Elissa sighed, attempting to maintain an air of detachment though she knew it was faltering. "If you want to take a few more shots at me, we can do it privately _after_ we have put the current issue to rest."

"Fine." Alistair turned back to the door, saying nothing, simply expecting that they would follow and doing little to alter his pace when Elissa was forced to scramble for a moment to keep up with him. "We moved her to the inner cells because too much freedom is what created this problem. You can _speak_ to her there."

"When did you know it was Anora?"

"I suspected she was sending messages through that crazy elf of hers from the beginning, but could never find any proof of it. Then one day she dropped a scrap of parchment in the hall and a guard grabbed it before she could conceal it again. Just a few words, poorly coded – not enough to give us the who, but enough to condemn them both. We spared her life in exchange for enough proof to infallibly convict Anora, and then sent for you." Alistair had practiced speaking with Elissa again many times before sending the letter that would bring her back to his side – words even, voice neutral – but the actual execution was far more difficult than he could have imagined and he felt it when the light shaking in his body began to show itself in the tremor of his voice.

"Thank you, Alistair. I suspect you didn't really have a lot of incentive to do this considering…" Elissa stopped him just outside the inner prison with a hand on his arm.

"I have no desire to see you dead, Elissa. Everything else aside I could never…" He sighed and tousled his hair, bringing a sad smile to Elissa's face as she recognized the gesture and remembered other times when it had been so endearing. "Consider it a parting gift."

"A parting…" Her smile faded as quickly as it had come.

"Maybe. I guess we will have to discuss that after this is done." Alistair cleared his throat, moving over to Teagan's side as they prepared to leave Elissa and the others to their task. "Anything you decide to do, you do as the hand of the king. She has signed her death warrant on this one. I have no regrets."

"As you wish." Elissa bowed lightly and watched him turn and walk away before opening the door and stepping inside.

* * *

><p>Elissa spoke softly to the guardsmen who had been stationed outside the bars of Anora's cell, sending them out of the room and instructing Zevran to lock the door once they were gone. Anora's laughter began shortly after, though she did not turn from where she stood staring out her tiny window into the grey light of day.<p>

"I _knew_ it would be you they sent to silence me. Alistair never did have the balls to do anything on his own. He is a weak man and a weak king. When Ferelden falls, it will be on your head for putting him on the throne, Elissa."

"Alistair has wanted you dead for years, Anora. If it were up to him, you'd be long cold in the ground. I am here to keep his hands clean of it, just as I did with your father." Anora's head snapped forward with those words, just as Elissa had expected – but the fury carved into her face remained for only a moment before she shoved it back down beneath her well-practiced smile – her eyes finding Nathaniel for the first time.

"Then it's true! You've done it again!" Anora cackled, wrapping her fingers around the bars and leaning closer to Elissa's face as she looked over her shoulder at Nathaniel. "Turned down a king and a throne for Nathaniel bloody Howe! I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't seeing it with my own eyes. I can't believe you could be so stupid _twice_!"

"You are living on borrowed time, Anora – and _this_ is what you wish to use your last breath discussing?" Elissa sighed and turned away from the bars, pacing over to pick the keys to the cell up off a nearby table.

"I'm just astounded. I mean, I suppose he is attractive in a dangerous sort of way, but surely a pretty face isn't enough to turn down two kings! Whatever it is he does for you, he must be very, _very_ good at it." She trailed her eyes down Nathaniel's body as Elissa turned back to her, chuckling when it forced him to clear his throat and shift uncomfortably.

"Yes, Anora. Nathaniel's equipment is legendary and he's bloody _fantastic_ in bed. Honestly, you won't talk or walk for weeks and you'll thank him for it when he's done – _several _hours later. Or, you would, if I were to let you anywhere near him." Elissa slid open the cell with a smile, tossing the keys over to a chuckling Zevran and attempting to ignore the stunned look on Nathaniel's face. "Are we done with that subject now? Can we discuss the price you put on my head and end this once and for all?"

"Ah, yes. Straight to business as always." Anora settled herself in a chair, watching as Elissa sat down on the cot across from her. "I'm honestly surprised it took you this long to figure it out – of course, when you have someone as thick as Alistair doing your detective work – I guess that's what you're going to get."

"Get on with it. Your disdain for Alistair is well known to me, and your insults are tedious as usual." Elissa yawned, leaning back against the wall and casually crossing her legs at the ankles.

"You're an arrogant bitch, Elissa Cousland. It's no wonder half of Ferelden wants you dead." Anora leaned forward, eyes narrowed, and watched her barb hit home.

"I'm only concerned about _one_ of those people at the moment. Why now? Have you forgotten it was my voice that spared you at the Landsmeet when Eamon wanted your blood? It's been my hand holding them back for years – and still you would hire out assassins to kill me?"

"_Spared me_? Yes – spared me to live a life trapped in stone walls. I didn't even have a window in the last one! And after you slaughtered my father on the floor of the Landsmeet while I stood there and watched! What did you expect? That I would _thank_ you? Did you thank Rendon Howe for what he did to you and your family?" Anora smiled when Elissa flinched, happy to get in one more shot even if her life was forfeit in the end. "You took _everything_ from me, you self-entitled bitch. I suspect even Cailan would have left if you'd asked him to."

"I would never have—"

"Don't play the innocent with me, dear. Neither one of us can wear that mask." Anora snorted, brushing at the tip of her nose. "I know you never wanted Cailan, but you tugged at his leash every now again just to show me that you could. You know it, and I know it. So _yes_, I paid people to kill you – but I was merely one of the bankers. Someone else sought me out after their previous benefactor was silenced, one would imagine at your hand."

"Who contacted you?" Tension had crept back into Nathaniel's voice and body as he realized that this could be far from over. To trace this back to yet another dead end was more than his patience could tolerate.

"Someone hidden in plain sight. You are _so_ oblivious, Elissa. It's a wonder you've survived this long." Anora's haughty laughter silenced in a pained hiss of breath as Nathaniel pressed a dagger against the skin of her throat. Elissa was surprised, but did nothing to dissuade him.

"No more riddles. Give us a name." Nathaniel was certain Elissa could feel the rise in his temper, and made no effort to conceal it – if she wanted to stop him, she would.

"My but you _are_ a brute!" Anora giggled, though Elissa could see the concern in her eyes. "Call off your dog, Cousland – or I will give you nothing."

"Nathaniel." Elissa nodded her head, and he stepped away – sheathing his blade and relaxing slightly with the knowledge that his job had been done.

"Have the bastard look into his uncle's recent missives. I think you'll be quite surprised at what he finds there."

"Eamon? No, I don't believe it. There is no love lost between us, that much is true – but Eamon is too careful to be caught and far too smart to involve you." Elissa snorted, pushing up to her feet and digging the very vial she had used in Amaranthine free of her belt pouch once again.

"Stay blind if you want, but I have given you a name." Anora folded her arms, attempting to appear unphased as she watched Elissa mixing what could only be a poison into a glass of water near the cell door.

"Indeed you have. And for that, I offer you a much less painful death than my compatriots would have given you." Elissa held out the glass, watching Anora contemplate even taking it.

"Poison? That seems out of character for you. Last I saw your idea of justice, it involved bathing in the blood of your enemies."

"Normally, yes – but one pretty girl to another – take the glass, go to sleep, keep your head." Elissa waited for her to take it, but still Anora hesitated, until Elissa started to reach for her sword.

"Alright, alright!" Anora snatched the glass out of her hand, staring into it for a moment with a distant smile. "Do you remember that ball at Archer Brylands?"

"The one where Ox set the barn on fire trying to do Maker only _knows_ what to that cow? How could I forget?" Elissa snorted, leaning against the cell door and half smiling at the memory.

"I went through three dress makers getting ready for that ball; spent hours on hours sitting in a chair having my hair twisted into submission and tincture stained into my skin. I was so certain I would be the envy of every girl there, and the object of every boy's eye." Anora chewed at her bottom lip, raising her eyes back up to Elissa's again. "And then _you_ come bumbling in the side door tugging grass out of your hair and swearing at your brother, wearing some filthy, awful olive colored thing – Nathaniel and Thomas Howe trailing behind you like puppies – and I knew my moment was over. I hated you then, and I hate you now."

"The feeling is mutual." Elissa sneered, leaning in so close her nose very nearly brushed against her rival's. "Now be a _good_ girl and drink your fucking poison."

Anora tossed the glass full of liquid back in one long swallow, sitting it down on the table with the decorum of a queen, and pacing back over to the window where she had stood on Elissa's entry to the room.

"You have what you came for. Now leave me to die in peace."

Elissa turned, sliding the cell door shut behind her and guiding the others out the door. No one was left to hear the former queen's parting words.

"You'll never see it coming."

* * *

><p>"So it's done?" Alistair seemed shocked to see Elissa so calm in the aftermath of taking a life, even one belonging to an enemy as old as Anora.<p>

"She wasn't dead when I left her, but it won't take long." Elissa watched Alistair's eyebrow rise in confusion, and offered further explanation. "I poisoned her. It seemed unseemly to behead her when I didn't have to, though I _can_ go back and lop it off if that's what you'd prefer."

"No, that won't be… it's just hard to believe that it's over." Alistair breathed out a sigh of relief.

"It isn't over. Anora gave us—"

"_Nathaniel_," Elissa hissed, her eyes warning him to be silent until she could address this issue.

"Anora gave you what?" Alistair was up on his feet then, watching the tension pass between the pair in front of him.

"Anora gave us the impression that she was merely funding these attempts, that someone else was giving the orders. She says that Eamon is behind them." Elissa listened to Alistair's snort of laughter. "That's what I said. Eamon is too smart to be involved in anything Anora was plotting. Regardless of how he felt about me, he has never trusted Anora."

"That doesn't matter. These accusations must be investigated, Elissa. I don't care _who_ it is she accused. This threat isn't over until we know who it was she offered her financial support to." Nathaniel refused to back down, though Alistair was not likely to listen to anything he had to say.

"If it will end this discussion, I will speak to my uncle and have Swiftrunner look into the activities of all of his messengers over the past few months," Alistair said, and Elissa accepted that with a nod hoping it would calm the tempers in the room for a moment. "Elissa, may we speak?"

"We will, you have my word I will not leave until it is done – but could we do it tomorrow? I'll come at the time and place of your choosing, but it has been a very long day in a very long week. I just want to _not_ think for a little while." Elissa watched his face shift from rigid inflexibility to acceptance, and he nodded his approval of the idea sending her out the door and off toward the Warden Enclave for the night.

* * *

><p>The Pearl was full of the usual rowdy group, none of them concerned with a lone shadow lingering over the newest mug in a back corner table, which was exactly what Elissa wanted. She was finally beginning to relax when Nathaniel came in the front door and sent her tension rising immediately back up to its normal levels.<p>

"Sneaking out alone, Elissa? We still don't know if this is over. Anora was right. You are careless."

"Sit down and drink if you want, but don't lecture me and don't talk about Anora." Elissa shoved a mug across the table at him, waving the barmaid over once again.

Nathaniel shoved the mug away, irritation preventing him from even attempting to enjoy anything, and Elissa saw that any chance she'd had at getting a moment's peace had walked out the door the moment he stepped through it.

"Fine. Then escort me back to the castle because I'm not going to sit here while you glower at me." Elissa stood, a bit unsteady on her feet though she'd had far more than this to drink in the past and been fine.

"How much have you had?" Nathaniel asked, catching her mid stumble and holding on until she swatted him away.

"Not that much. I just haven't really drank in awhile. I guess my tolerance is lower than I imagined." She shook her head, clearing the fog enough to step out the door and into the night, feeling the heat radiate off Nathaniel's body as he fell in step beside her.

He was so focused on her increasingly erratic movement; he never saw the figure step out of the shadows behind him. He only felt the prick of the dagger press into the skin at his neck, pushing whatever coated the blade into his bloodstream and dropping him to the ground useless and fading into darkness.

"Nathaniel, what?" Elissa spun to see him fall, but found herself staggering forward when the movement did nothing more than make her head spin.

Her eyes were far too cloudy to make out any of the details of his face, but the voice – the voice was all too familiar. It was the whisper of a ghost, of someone who _couldn't_ have been.

"I've got her. Go ahead and get my brother back to the estate. You'll get your money when we get there." Elissa felt herself being scooped up in someone's arms, dangling like a dizzy bride as the last of her consciousness drifted away. "I've waited _so long_ for this night."


	47. Chapter 47: Vengeance

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N: WARNING! **Not only is there some **NSFW** content in this chapter, but it is very, very dark. _

_Muse Music: Hurricane by 30 Seconds to Mars and When Did This Storm Begin? by Shiny Toy Guns._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and extra special thanks to my betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic** for this one. It was hard for me to get out, and I'm certain not all that easy to read._

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Forty-Seven: Vengeance<strong>_

"The taste of copper."

I looked up to find The Hero leaning casually inside my doorway, arms folded across her chest as she waited for me to acknowledge what she had just said.

"Hmm?" I shuffled some papers around, attempting to disguise the two maps Hawke had handed off to me several days before with explicit instruction that she _not_ get a look at them and watched her stroll into the room.

"That's the first thing I remember after waking up in the basement of the Vaughn Estate." She settled down at the table, not once shifting her eyes from my face – but that's what she did.

Slight of hand, misdirection – only ever letting you see what she wanted you to see – feeding you whatever it was you wanted from one hand while she got the dagger to your throat with the other. She was there because she wanted something, I was smart enough to know that – but she was smart enough to know exactly what to say to make me forget about whatever it was I was supposed to be hiding.

"I asked you about that?" My turn to drop a smoke screen. "I must have been feeling brave or suicidal. Either way, I never expected you would answer it."

"Well I am, unless you'd like me to stop talking." Bluff called, smoke parted, she leaned back in her chair knowing she had what she came for.

"I'll get my notebook." I turned my back to retrieve it from a nearby shelf. It was only a few seconds, but that was more than enough to suit her purposes – leaving me none the wiser.

* * *

><p>The taste of copper was nauseating, and Elissa turned her head and spat out a mouthful of blood against the already stained wood. She had no idea if it was her blood or someone else's, but as the fog began to clear and the pain from the bruising began to reassert itself she guessed it was more likely to be her own.<p>

As her eyes focused, the room became familiar once again. She had been here before – Rendon's basement torture room – only then it had been the poor son of Bann Sighard chained to the rack for his father's disobedience. A quick tug of her arms rattled the metal that held her in place, and forced her back to the first time she had woken up.

_Her legs and arms were virtually immobile against the splintered wood as the drug that had been slipped into her mug at The Pearl finally made its way out of her blood stream. It was hard to remember much about how she had gotten here, but the memory of a single voice was more than enough to drive her forward. Thomas Howe was alive. _

_She tilted her head up, unable to move much further beyond that, and looked around the room for anything that might be useful, anything that might offer the possibility of escape. That's when she found Nathaniel, stripped of his armor just as she had been, and chained to some sort of metal archway. The full weight of his body hung hard against the shackles, and Elissa worried for his shoulders if he did not wake soon. _

"_Nathaniel!" She could not speak much louder than a harsh whisper for fear of drawing any guards or Thomas himself down upon them. If they had any hope, it was in the element of surprise. _

_When Nathaniel still did not wake, she pushed herself into his mind – yelling and screaming and swearing – whatever it took to bring him back to consciousness._

"_Elissa?" His head snapped up and he groaned as his joints felt the strain, pushing to his feet and seeking out her eyes where she lay across from him. "Maker… how? It's _Thomas_, he's—"_

"_Alive? Yes, funny how those who should be dead just keep sticking around." Thomas laughed, low and slow, as he came around the corner and into the room. "What's the matter, _brother_, you don't seem happy to see me?"_

"_I should have _known_!" Elissa hissed, rattling her restraints as she lurched in his direction with her fury. "When we couldn't find a body I should have combed Thedas for you and made sure you were dead!"_

_"But you didn't. I think… somewhere… deep down inside, you wanted to see me again." Thomas reached down then, trailing his fingers up Elissa's bare leg from calf to inner thigh, listening to Nathaniel begin to pull harder at his own restraints when he pressed his fingers against her small clothes as she fought to press her legs together._

"_You disgust me!" Elissa spat at him, flinching when he snatched his hand back from its previous task and gripped her jaw hard to slam her head back against the table._

"_Flattery will get you everywhere." Thomas kissed her then, squeezing her jaw until she was forced to open her mouth and allow his tongue inside. _

_His other hand slipped inside the loose ties of her shirt, shoving her breast band down and digging into her flesh. It was awful, but it gave Elissa the distraction she needed and so she bit down on Thomas' tongue hard enough to take a piece of it. He swung without thinking, splitting her lip and bruising her jaw – but Elissa smiled through it, spitting out a mouthful of his blood and a chunk of his tongue onto the table beside her. _

"_You'll regret that, bitch. I can promise you that." Thomas tugged a linen cloth out of his back pocket, pressing it against his mouth for a moment to stop the bleeding – finally giving up and tossing it to the floor in frustration, and striding over to the corner to pull one of Elissa's daggers loose from its scabbard. "I'd been debating what to do first – watch the look on your face while I carved up my brother – or watch the look on his face while I fuck the only woman he has ever loved. But it's hardly a choice anymore." _

"_If you _touch_ her, Thomas, I swear I'll—" Nathaniel was beyond rage, he was both furious and terrified, and the sensation of those emotions had Elissa's heart racing as she fought against her restraints._

"_You'll what, Nathaniel? Yell? Rattle your chains? Your threats are as meaningless now as they have ever been," Thomas snorted, running the end of Elissa's dagger along the thick scarring left behind by his father only a few rooms away from where she now lay. "It really is a shame Father marked you like this, but I'm sure you gave him no choice."_

_"Your father was a twisted bastard!" Elissa hissed, pulling her leg away from the blade before he could go any further._

"_I'm sure he would rather have carved _into_ you with his flesh." Thomas laughed when Elissa fought back a gag at the thought of it. "Surely you know that by now? He used to watch you getting out of the bath those last summers at Vigil's Keep, and then hire out some red-haired villager to act as a poor facsimile. Tell me, did he have you in the end?"_

"_Your father _never_ had me, and neither will you!" Elissa struggled harder against the chains as Thomas settled himself onto the table, kneeling between her legs._

"_Brave words from the woman strapped down to a table." Thomas tossed the blade into a corner, wanting both of his hands free and feeling secure in the quality of the… equipment… his father had installed. _

_He pressed her left leg down, bracing it with his knee then reaching up to rip open her smallclothes and expose the parts of her he most wanted access to. When he slid a finger inside of her, she attempted to shift away – but he dug his free hand into her hip – holding her in place while he clumsily attempted to elicit some sort of pleasured reaction from her body. _

"_Thomas, no! This is about me. It's always been about me. Carve me up, torture me, slit my throat, I don't care – just leave Elissa alone!" Nathaniel had gone from anger to pained pleas as he saw any hope he had of preventing what was about to happen slipping out of his hands. _

"_Torture you? What exactly is it you think I'm doing, brother?" Thomas laughed, working open his belt and shoving his pants and smallclothes down far enough to release himself from within them, then leaning down to press himself between Elissa's thighs. _

"_I won't beg you for anything! I won't scream! I won't give you anything you're looking for you sick fuck!" Elissa assured him, ignoring another wave of nausea as she felt his head pressing against her entrance. _

"_Won't you?" Thomas smiled, pushing forward hard, grunting in satisfaction as Nathaniel started to scream at him with every thrust of his hips. _

_Elissa was silent, just as she'd said she would be. Hissing once at the initial pain of forced penetration, and then lying there listless and cold, knowing there was nothing she could do to stop this. Her eyes caught Nathaniel's for a moment, and all she could see was pain. Feeling that was worse than what was happening to her, so she closed her eyes and turned away – shutting down the conduit and sealing away her conscious mind until the trauma had passed._

Looking at Nathaniel, she could see what Thomas had done to him after finishing with her. There were shallow cuts all over his bared body. Not enough to cause severe injury, but certainly enough to cause pain. He'd gone limp again, whether from exhaustion or broken will, she did not know – but seeing him like that was enough to motivate her again.

She wiggled her hands in the upper restraints, dislocating her left thumb as she had done so many times before. Alistair had been disgusted the first time she had done it, but the genetic abnormality allowed her to pry a hand loose from restraint with ease – and one hand was all she needed. She slid her left thumb back into place easily, taking in a deep breath before reaching for the right thumb and forcefully dislocating it – biting back the scream of pain that accompanied it and drawing her other hand out of its shackle. Another snap, and the thumb was back in place, leaving her free to push to a seated position.

It worried her that Nathaniel still wasn't moving, but she tried not to think about it – or the sticky remains of Thomas' seed drying against her bare thighs – instead focusing on the bolts that held the lower restraints seated against the wood of the table. Some of them were rusty, and shook when she yanked hard against the chain. If she was lucky, she had enough strength left to pry the whole thing loose.

Elissa braced herself against the table with her feet, wrapping her hands around the chains several times and then pulling with everything she had until the whole piece came loose and she dropped back hard against the table. It was done, and she had no time to think about how easy it had been. She threw her legs over the edge, dropping to the floor and darting over to Nathaniel – reaching to brush back his hair from his face.

"Nathaniel! Wake up! You have to wake up!" She brushed at his cheek, taking some of his weight onto her body as he started to regain consciousness and tried to stand.

"Elissa? How did you?"

"It doesn't matter. The point is, I did. We have to get you out of these." She reached up and inspected both the locks and the anchor points within the metal frame.

There was no hope of prying them loose, and even if Nathaniel could dislocate his thumbs his hands were far too wide to pull through the shackles. The locks would have to be picked.

"Well, well, well… look who's awake again?" Thomas chuckled when Elissa spun, spreading her arms out as though she could act as some sort of barrier between him and Nathaniel simply on sheer will alone.

"Don't come any closer! I'm not chained to a table this time, Thomas. If you touch either one of us I _will_ kill you."

"Elissa. Be reasonable. You're nearly naked, battered and bruised and unarmed. What is it you think you can accomplish?" He continued to approach them, not at all threatened by Elissa's assertions.

"This is the last time I will warn you, Thomas. _Stay back_!" Elissa pressed back against Nathaniel, determined not to let Thomas take another shot at him if there was anything she could do to prevent it.

"All this time. Everything that Father did, everything my _brother_ did. A king, a Warden, and a mage in your bed – and _still_ you can't get past Nathaniel. What is it about him? I've always wondered. How did he manage to get himself so deep inside you that even I can't manage to carve him out?"

Elissa remained silent. She knew what it was he wanted her to say, but even now – in these the most dire of circumstances – she couldn't make her self give voice to the words. Instead she darted forward, taking a swing at Thomas' face and expecting that he would dodge poorly as he had done when they were children.

"I'm not a bumbling youth anymore, Elissa," Thomas snorted, catching her wrist in his hand, and dodging her follow-up swing with ease. "I've spent just as many years training as you have – getting stronger – learning some tricks of my own."

He struck out hard then with a closed fist, catching her hard in the chin and staggering her back against the table she had just managed to free herself from. Elissa shook her head, attempting to clear the stars, but she wasn't fast enough. Thomas was on her again, spinning her around and bending her over – scraping the skin on her uninjured cheek as he shoved her face into the table.

"If you want it so badly, I can certainly give it to you again. You only ever had to ask, Elissa."

Elissa felt the cold air of the room on her skin when Thomas flipped up her shirt, exposing her once again, and struggled harder when he kicked her legs apart – pressing apart her folds and sliding his fingers back inside her.

"No! _No_! Not again!" Elissa pushed against the table, but it stayed motionless – bolted hard into the floor. She could hear the rattle of chains as Nathaniel fought his restraints once again, and the shuffle of cloth as Thomas worked to get himself free of his clothing and take her another time.

But Thomas lost focus for a moment, so intent on his own imminent pleasure he failed to see that he'd planted his arm down far too close to Elissa's face. It didn't take much for her to sink her teeth into his arm, and she bit down hard – locking her jaw and listening to him shriek when he was forced to tear his own flesh loose to pull away from her.

"Crazy fucking whore!" Thomas pulled loose a dagger from his belt and swiped wildly at her, catching her in the upper chest and tearing down into the flesh of her breast.

Elissa screamed and backed away, spitting out another mouthful of his blood as her eyes searched the room for a weapon. Their eyes found it at the same time, enemies locking onto the Cousland seal pressed into the hilt of Elissa's sword. Elissa ran for it with everything she had, snatching it loose from the scabbard and spinning – only to find that Thomas had taken up position behind Nathaniel, holding him hard against his body as a human shield.

"Drop the sword, Cousland!" Thomas pressed the dagger into Nathaniel's throat, pulling out a stream of blood.

"You won't kill him. You enjoy making him watch far too much for that. If you kill him, your fun ends because you know you won't get _anything_ from me!" Elissa paced forward with the sword, daring him to refute her.

"You're right. I have plans beyond just one evening. I can pace this out forever. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be so used up my brother will never want to touch you again!" Thomas smiled, tossing the dagger to the side in his arrogance. "But you have no options here. If you want to get at me, you'll have to go through Nathaniel. And I know you won't do that, just as you know I wouldn't kill him so easily."

"Do it, Elissa!" Nathaniel was adamant, and it staggered her.

"No, Nathaniel I…" She shook her head, unable to even consider the idea.

"I can't watch it anymore. I can't—" His voice sounded broken, but there was something in his eyes – something only she would recognize. "I just want it to be over."

_This could kill you_. Elissa reached out to him, needing to be certain before she could take such a risk.

_I know, but it is our only chance. I trust you._ Nathaniel nodded once, subtly, and then braced himself.

Elissa didn't think beyond that moment, aiming as best she could for the part of Nathaniel's abdomen least likely to contain something vital and pressing the blade through him and his brother in one clean slice. She held Nathaniel's eyes for a moment when it was done, knuckles white where they held to the hilt of the blade.

"I am so sorry." The words were whispered, and she released the blade, stalking around to finish what she'd started.

"I never believed it, but it really is true." Thomas was sputtering, trying to press against Nathaniel to pull himself loose from the blade that had passed through his torso and emerged just shy of his spine. "You have gone mad."

"Here, let me help you," Elissa hissed into his ear, grabbing his shoulders and yanking back hard, listening to the pop of his wound as the blade came free.

"You've killed him." Thomas laughed now, disbelief and a bit of his own lunacy mixing together to create humor where there was none.

"Go to your grave thinking that if it will make you feel better," Elissa said, shoving him back against the wall with her hand at his throat.

Thomas stared at her in wonder, marveling at just how badly he had misjudged her, and watched as in the span of a blink the green of her eyes disappeared into a darkness so deep it mirrored his soul. "What are you?"

"Death." Elissa's voice was there, but hidden within it was another – a timbre Thomas did not recognize – and he tried again to get away from her when the blood now soaking through her tunic and into his started to burn into his skin. "Today, I just happen to be yours."

Thomas kicked against the floor, fighting to get loose for a moment – but Elissa simply tilted her head with a smile, lifting him up off the floor effortlessly and pressing her fingers into his windpipe until she felt it collapsing beneath the strain. He struggled for a few moments longer, clawing at her arm, and then fell limp and silent. Another blink, and the darkness was gone – along with her strength – sending his body sliding to the floor, an empty pile of muscle and bone.

Elissa struggled to remember where she was for a moment, remembering when she heard Nathaniel moan indistinctly behind her.

"Nathaniel!" She knelt down, sifting through Thomas' pockets until she found a key and then rushing to Nathaniel's side. "Hold on, j-just… I've got the key."

She worked the locks, first one – and then the other, barely managing to catch him before he dropped to the floor. The movement jostled the blade and Nathaniel moaned again.

"I can't walk back like this, Elissa. Just leave me." Nathaniel knew she'd aimed as best she could, but he could feel the blood running down his torso and soaking into his smallclothes already. Whatever she'd nicked, it wasn't good.

"No! I will not leave you. We will find a way. We will—"

"You can't carry me. Even you aren't that strong." Nathaniel sank to the floor, the last of his strength beginning to fade.

"Not alone. I'll be back. Hold on, Nathaniel! Don't you give up on me now!" She brushed his cheek tenderly, and then ran as fast as she could through the winding halls of the Vaughn Estate and out into the night.

* * *

><p>The sharp stones and broken glass that occasionally pressed into her bare feet hardly registered to Elissa anymore as they came within sight of the palace gates. She'd roused a gardener and two of the kitchen staff from a neighboring estate and convinced them to help her construct a litter and carry Nathaniel back to the royal district.<p>

Dawn was coming as they reached the gates, and Elissa screamed until the guards granted her access – taking over for the weary servants who had aided her and helping to get Nathaniel into the castle walls. They got no further than the upper entryway before Alistair, Zevran and several healers came dashing into the hall.

"Elissa! What's happened?" Alistair reached out for her, blood and bruises coating nearly every inch of her barely covered body.

"Don't worry about me! It's Nathaniel who needs you." Elissa darted out of reach, gesturing to the healers – her frustration increasing when they made no efforts to move.

"H-he's been run through with a sword, Elissa." Alistair could see only limited motion in Nathaniel's chest, and his entire lower body coated in his blood. "He isn't going to make it. There is nothing we can do."

"Nothing you can… _nothing_… you haven't even _tried_!" The pitch of her voice rose again, and Elissa started to pace – mind franticly racing for ideas of how to make these idiots see reason. Then she saw it – the hilt of Duncan's dagger at Alistair's waist.

Alistair recognized the look in her eyes a moment too late, his reflexes far too slow to prevent Elissa's hand from reaching the blade and pressing it against his throat.

"Unless you want to spend your morning seating a new king, I would suggest you get to fucking work!" Elissa spat, glancing at the healers just long enough to make it clear she was not bluffing, and then turned back to Alistair.

"You heard her." Alistair swallowed hard, searching Elissa's eyes for any sign of restraint – but the woman he had known wasn't here this morning.


	48. Chapter 48: Take Me Back To the Start

**_Disclaimer_**_: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

**_A/N:_**_ Not a lot to say here. I think, or rather I hope, that this chapter speaks for itself. _

_Muse Music: __The Scientist__ by Coldplay._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my wonderful betas _**_artemiskat_**_ and _**_Snarkoleptic_**_ who ride this crazy roller coaster of mine willingly for some reason. :P_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Chapter Forty-Eight: Take Me Back To the Start<em>**

It took several hours for anyone to convince Elissa to wipe away some of the blood and put on some clean clothing, and even then it took a basin being brought into the room where Nathaniel was being seen to for her to do it. Four hours beyond that, everything that could be done for him had been done and she finally allowed her own injuries to be tended – and even then she would allow only surface cleaning and debridement – nothing that would lessen the bruises and scratches and cuts that littered her body.

Three days passed from the moment The Hero of Ferelden pressed a blade against her king and former lover's throat and demanded that Nathaniel Howe be healed, and in that time never once did she stray from his side – not to eat, not to sleep, not to take a moment for herself, not for anything. Even now she sat in a chair at his side watching the slow rise and fall of his chest and hoping that this would be the morning that he finally opened his eyes.

"Commander, the king has sent some breakfast for you. Where should I leave it?" It was a soldier who brought in the tray, as the more easily frightened servants and castle staff started to avoid crossing her path long ago.

"You shouldn't." Elissa's voice was neutral, devoid of all real emotion and she didn't even bother to turn in the guard's direction. "And tell His Majesty to stop sending me food and poorly concealed suggestions that I should rest or have a bath. Short of charging me with treason and throwing me in a cell, there is nothing he can do that will move me from this spot – and even then I'd just find a way out – so it's better for him to stop wasting his time."

"As you wish, Commander." The soldier left as quickly as he'd come, closing the door behind him and leaving Elissa mired in her thoughts and the silence once again.

She reached her hand out to touch Nathaniel's cheek, half-smiling at the amount of stubble that had accumulated in the few days since Thomas had taken them. He had always been methodical about such things – partially due to his upbringing and partially just because of who he was – and she knew that he would be displeased with his condition were he actually aware of it.

She'd watched him shave with a dagger by firelight once shortly after he'd stormed back into her life, utterly fascinated by the ease with which he could do something that was to her mind so complicated and potentially dangerous. He'd nearly cut himself fighting back a smile when – of course – he'd realized she was watching, forcing her to come up with some biting remark and stalk off into the woods to conceal her thoughts. She'd give anything to see that arrogant half-smirk of his right now. Anything she had left to give.

Elissa wasn't stupid. She knew that the longer Nathaniel remained unconscious, the more remote the chances became that he would ever wake again. With every passing second in every passing day her desperation grew, pushing her to consider in this moment an option that she had not considered as viable in a very long time.

"I'm almost glad you _aren't_ awake at the moment," Elissa muttered to the empty air, glancing once more at Nathaniel as she walked to the door. "You'd never let me hear the end of this."

* * *

><p>Elissa knew the way. She'd probably passed the overly ornate doors more than a hundred times, though she'd never once considered going beyond them – not until today. She stood hesitant at the doors now, taking one last deep breath before pushing them open and stepping inside, relieved to find the chapel entirely empty except for herself.<p>

She paced forward down the aisle, eyes moving restlessly over the iconic depictions of Andraste that covered the walls, fearing in the back of her irrational mind that she might light fire just for having stepped beyond those doors and into a sacred space in which she no longer held any faith. But for today, for today she would have to find it.

Having reached the pulpit at the end of the aisle, it became a frantic sifting through memory – trying to unearth the mechanics of prayer from beneath the years of cynical detritus that had begun to erase its existence. It took work but eventually she accessed an old memory of Fergus kneeling, hands folded, beside their mother in the chapel at Highever. Ignoring the sting of that particular image, Elissa sank to her knees folding her hands in the best mimic of Fergus she could manage and set to focusing her thoughts.

"I don't know how to do this, really." She said the words aloud, not really sure how else The Maker or Andraste or whoever it was that answered prayers was supposed to hear you. "I can't recall that I ever have. So… I-I guess I'll just say what I came here to say and go back to what I was doing before, if that's alright."

She paused for a moment, sighing at her foolishness that she had waited for some sort of answer, and then continued. "One of my Wardens – no, that's not true – Nathaniel is more than that. Nathaniel is… he's…"

She pushed out a frustrated breath and stood to pace, infuriated that even now in an empty room she could not bring herself to say the words aloud.

"I don't know why I'm bothering to do this. We _both_ know you aren't there; not for me – and certainly not for Nathaniel. To let him live in that environment with his father and… _brother_…" Her face wrinkled in disgust at even the brief passing memory of Thomas, and she cleared her throat and refocused. "No child should grow up like that. Having to fight and scrape and beg for the smallest hint that they might be worth something, that they might be loved."

The longer she thought, the angrier she became, and the further her original intent toward contrition on Nathaniel's behalf faded into the background.

"Your faithful _sheep_ they say that you do things for a reason… to-to teach us lessons or restore our faith – but tell me, what is the lesson here? To fill his life with such horrors and disappointment? To give him things only to destroy them or take them away? And in the end, what? _DEATH?_" Her rage was complete now, she fumed and seethed and scrambled to come up with something she could do to gain control of this situation that was so far beyond her grasp. "What can I do to change this vendetta you seem to have against him? What can I offer that you haven't already taken? Another sacrifice? Is that what you require? More of my blood?"

She was yelling now as she pulled lose the dagger sheathed at her belt and cut a small gash in her arm, knowing it was as likely to fall on deaf ears as the rest of her unanswered pleas but having no other rational thoughts as to how she might convince a higher power to change its mind. The silence was deafening and only angered her more, pushing her to the point that her body started to shake as she fought to contain her temper.

"I _do not accept_ _this_! Do you hear me?" The blood from her cut dripped down her arm and onto the floor and Elissa could hear the hissing as it began to eat into the ornate marble floor almost immediately. She smiled then, knowing once and for all that reliance on anyone and anything beyond herself was meaningless. "I don't _need_ you. I've been to your beyond, and I walked back out again. If I want him back I'll have him. I'll go into the Void itself if I have to. I reject this, and I reject you!"

* * *

><p>Elissa passed several of the castle staff and guardsmen on the way back to Nathaniel's room, but if they thought anything about the look in her eyes or the bloody cut on her arm, they were smart enough to keep their mouths shut about it and simply allow her to walk right by. Once inside the room, she settled back into the chair at his bedside and thought back on the afternoon they had spent in The Keep's throne room attempting to map out the conduit between them.<p>

She closed her eyes and reached out, finding the channel in her mind's eye just as she had before – and attempting not to be frightened by how dim and distant it seemed in comparison to all the other times she had reached out for him in the past.

"I said I'd go to the Void for you, and I meant it." She breathed in, reaching her hand out and pressing it against his chest in the spot where the conduit always seemed to center itself and focusing everything she had left on finding him in the darkness and pulling him back to the light.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel Howe stood on the edge of this lagoon in life and in The Fade more times than he could remember. It was unsurprising to him that he had come here again in the end, but it was a small comfort at best. This place was awash in memory – the tentative first steps of a new romance, the frantic screams of a desperate plea, the first time that he and Elissa had finally crossed the line between intention and action. The last flash made him smile; confident again that no matter how hard she had fought to deny it and refused to say the words – Elissa had loved him just as much as he still loved her.<p>

"I know that look, young man, and I'm fairly certain I would not approve of whatever it is you're thinking with regard to my only daughter." Eleanor chuckled as the eldest Howe child spun in her direction, watching as he attempted to conceal those thoughts beneath his usually stoic features.

"Lady Cousland, I apologize. I should have realized that others important in Elissa's life would come here as well. I won't trouble you for long, I just – I… I wanted to say goodbye I suppose."

"Nonsense. Our home has ever been your home, Nathaniel. I don't see why that should change here in the Fade anymore than it would have in the forests of Highever." Eleanor came to a stop at his side, turning her eyes with his out across the water. "And call me Eleanor. I think we're well beyond the point where such frivolity is necessary, and you are the closest thing to a son-in-law as I am ever likely to have."

"I'm not so certain about that." Nathaniel laughed, short and insincere.

"Oh, I know about the king and the healer. Both decent men in their own right and Elissa cares for them, I am certain – but you and I both know it has _always_ been you, Nathaniel." Eleanor's face gave away nothing, as calm and unyielding as it had ever been. "I suspect that Bryce and I knew it long before you and my stubborn daughter ever admitted it to yourselves, or to one another."

"Lady Cousland—" Nathaniel stopped and corrected himself at the clearing of her throat. "_Eleanor_. I appreciate everything you and the Teyrn did for me, and everything you are saying now, but I'm not the man that you think I am. If you knew…"

"The dead see many things, Nathaniel. I know that you are far from perfect, but who among us hasn't done things in their lives for which they hold regret? I am no innocent. None of us are. But you love my daughter, and she loves you – and the two of you are stronger together than you will ever be apart. Some things are meant to be. To fight them is to swim against the tide." She could see him start to shake his head with a sad smile out of the corner of her eye, and waited for him to say whatever it was he had to say.

"People keep saying that to me, and I've certainly repeated it many times myself, but I don't think Elissa ever believed it." Nathaniel stared off into the hazy distance, lost in thought and doubting if he had ever had a reason to be certain of anything at all.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that." Eleanor's expression was cryptic, and she watched Nathaniel's brow furrow as he tried to discern her meaning. "I think that perhaps you just haven't been listening."

"No offense to you or your daughter, but I have listened to her skirt it and deny it and flat out refuse to say it. I'm not sure what it is that I _haven't_ been listening to."

"For the last twenty minutes, I'd say you haven't been listening to much of anything." Eleanor grinned, watching his frustration level increase. "She's been talking to you all this time, Nathaniel. You just haven't been hearing her."

"Elissa?" Nathaniel stopped then, clearing his mind of anything except for his thoughts of her, and there – through the fog – he could finally hear it.

_I _know_ you're in there, Nathaniel. I can feel it. Now wake up you stubborn idiot! I swear, if I could slap you out of the Fade I'd do it!_

"That's definitely Elissa." Nathaniel chuckled, shaking his head. "But I don't see how that does me any good. If I'm here then I'm obviously—"

"You aren't dead, Nathaniel. You've just been unconscious while your body got the rest it needed to recover." She watched it dawning on him that it wasn't over, there was still time. "And my daughter, though her bedside manner is most decidedly lacking, has never left your side. That alone should tell you something."

"It tells me I should be concerned that I'll still be intact when I wake up."

"Perhaps." Eleanor laughed, patting him on the back and turning to move back deeper into the shifting landscape of The Fade. "Now please _do_ wake up before she lights the castle afire in her temper and the king has to toss her in Fort Drakon."

"Yes, ma'am." Nathaniel smiled; focusing in on the sound of Elissa's voice and listening to Eleanor's grow more distant in exchange.

_Oh, and Nathaniel – tell my daughter not to cut her hair with a blade again. It looks dreadful._

* * *

><p>Elissa lost track of how long she had been trying to reach out to Nathaniel some time ago, but now what had been confidence was giving way to frustration and fear. He hadn't moved and nothing about the conduit had changed. Wherever he was, he was beyond her capacity to get to him – and that thought cut into her more than she would ever have imagined.<p>

"You bloody pig-headed man!" Elissa lashed out then, unable to contain the tears any longer and angry that she could not stop them as they welled up in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. "I've bargained and begged – I've even _prayed_ – I-I… I don't know what else to do!"

She slammed the chair to the floor in her hurry to stand, swiping an arm across her face to wipe away the tears as she paced and feeling totally helpless and completely out of her element. Just as suddenly as she'd stood, she dropped down to her knees beside the bed, taking Nathaniel's hand into her own and pressing her forehead against it.

"I cannot lose you, Nathaniel. Not now – not like this. After everything we've been through… it wasn't meant to end this way. We never… _I _never…" She paused then, swallowing down her fear and finally said the words he'd begged to hear for so long. "I love you, Nathaniel. I-I… I always have."

A part of her had expected an immediate reaction, an instant flicker of that smug smile across his face, a twitch of his hand – anything, but there was nothing – so she collapsed forward against the bed at his side giving herself over fully to the onslaught of her tears.

"Say it again." Nathaniel's voice was so weak, he wasn't sure how she heard it through the sobbing – but she did, and she lifted her face up to look at him, wonder in her eyes.

"You-You're…"

"Say it again."

She wiped at her face, settling herself on the bed at his side and taking his face in her hands – holding his silver eyes with the green of her own and making a promise, "I love you, Nathaniel Howe. I have _always_ loved you."

"Was that so hard?" Nathaniel smiled, leaning forward to brush her mouth lightly with his own and tasting the salt of the tears that were still flowing – once in sorrow, now in relief.

Elissa didn't hesitate this time, winding her hands into his hair and kissing him again and again – afraid that if she let him go even for a moment it would cease to be reality and she would lose him forever. And Nathaniel clung to her in equal measure, grateful beyond imagining for this newly granted chance to finally be where he belonged.


	49. Chapter 49: The Turning Point

**_Disclaimer_**_: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_ When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N: **I'm really messing with people's emotions lately. Not sure what's gotten into me._

_Muse Music: Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson and As You Turn Away by Lady Antebellum._

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. _

_Apologies to everyone who got the multitudes of spam from my last chapter. Here is hoping it never happens again!_

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Forty-Nine: The Turning Point<strong>_

After several minutes assuring herself that Nathaniel was actually awake and alive, Elissa sent for one of the healers, insisting that they look him over and make certain there was little chance he would relapse into unconsciousness. Nathaniel tolerated the poking and prodding and Elissa's constant watchful eye as well as he could manage, though he wanted nothing more than to leave the walls of the royal palace behind for good. An hour later, Elissa shuffled him off to the Warden Enclave with Zevran to pack their things and prepare to leave for Amaranthine.

Now, she stood on the balcony of the king's bedroom in the royal suite. The roses that Alistair had planted in the garden below filled the air with perfume, but the scent only made Elissa's heart heavier. It was the aroma of memory; of a time she was now certain could never be again.

"Should I call the guards?"

Elissa turned to find Alistair standing in the open doorway behind her, his normally relaxed posture rigid with anxiety as though he might actually have something to fear from her. The sad reality that it was a valid concern hit them both hard. Only a few days had passed since Elissa had pressed steel against flesh and leveled a very real threat in his direction, and the few words they had spoken since had not been exchanged in kindness.

Rather than answer, Elissa began removing the scattered weaponry she kept concealed on her body, ending with the large curved dagger strapped to her thigh. Once the last piece had been revealed, she stepped away from them and opened her hands – hoping it would illustrate that she was not a threat to him.

"The irony is, even with your arsenal at arms length, you're still just as deadly." Alistair laughed, short and sad, and walked forward to lean against the stone edge and look out over the garden. "Why did you come here, Elissa? What can we possibly have left to say to one another?"

"Alistair, I—" Elissa had been prepared for him to be wounded, for some sort of retaliation or anger, but this cold bitterness was so foreign and so unlike Alistair she had not seen it coming and it stung like a hand full of snow.

"I think it was pretty clear when you threatened to open my throat on the marble floor, you've made your choice, and it isn't me."

"I know you won't believe this now, but I never meant to hurt you, Alistair. That was never my intention." Elissa picked at her fingernails, unable to meet his eyes when he turned in her direction.

"And yet you have. More than you'll ever understand." He shook his head, a bitter smile curving up the edges of a mouth she'd kissed more times than she could remember, twisting it into something she hardly recognized. "I wonder if you even know you're doing it? Do you see all the malice you put out into the world around you? Leaving a trail of tortured souls in your wake as though they never really mattered."

"Tell me you don't really believe that?" Elissa fought to keep her voice even, the trauma of the last few days making it nearly impossible for her to rein in her emotions. "I think we both know that this has been over for a while now. I am here acknowledging it because I think we have to so that—"

"So that _what_? So that you can move on to your happily ever after with Howe?" Alistair snorted; turning toward her as the hurt and anger bubbled up past the cold exterior he'd been showing her. "Did you _ever_ love me, even once, or was I always just a place holder until the two of you could finish this twisted courtship you started years ago?"

"Yes, Alistair, I loved you. I love you now."

"Just not enough to stay. Not enough to walk away from him." Alistair sighed when she didn't respond, turning to pace back inside the room behind her.

"I never meant for this to happen. When I met you, everything in my world was gone and I was scrambling for a place to stand – and then there you were, strong and funny and handsome. I didn't want to fall for you, but I did – and _yes_, Alistair – I loved you. I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with you, but the world is not always what we want it to be." Elissa paced up to the doorway behind him, fighting the urge to move closer, to reach out for him just one more time.

"The world is what _you_ make it, Elissa. It always has been. Go here, do this, _love me_." He knew what those words were likely to provoke, but it had gone way too far now to take them back.

"I _never_ wanted this, Alistair. Duncan died and Cailan died and suddenly it was just us against the world and _you_ – you faltered. Suddenly there was only me to shoulder the burden of an entire country. Believe what you will, but you put me on this path, Alistair." She was angry now, and though she had every right to be upset by those accusations, she knew that her words were needlessly hurtful and ignorant of his pain.

"Do you think I wanted this? I never – I _told_ you again and again I didn't want to be king – I begged you in the end, but you and your silver tongue made me believe it was the right thing for Ferelden; the right thing for me."

"It _is_ the right thing for Ferelden! You are a good king, and the _only _man who can do what this country needs to make it through the storms that are coming. I know you don't see it, but it is where you belong." Elissa ignored his derisive snort and pressed on, striding forward into the room so that he would be forced to look at her. "There is so much Duncan didn't get to tell us, Alistair. A Warden's path lies mired in shadow, and _you_, you belong in the sun. The places I must go, you cannot follow."

"But Howe can." Alistair's laughter was bitter, and he heard Elissa sigh that he could not let it go.

"This isn't about Nathaniel. This is about us."

"It's never really been just us, Elissa. Howe was always there, even before he showed back up and started… infecting… you." He took a few steps back in her direction, and Elissa could see his temper rising again. "How can you do it? How can you lie with him, let him put his hands on your body, knowing who his father was – who his brother was – and what they did—"

"You have no _idea_ what you're talking about!" Elissa darted forward, temper flaring dangerously before she could contain it.

"You're right, I don't – because you don't talk about it. You never have. But I'm not an idiot, Elissa. You show up here battered and bloody, half naked in my courtyard, and I saw the condition of what was left of your clothing. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out." Alistair watched her recoil as he forced her to address a memory she'd had no intention of ever revisiting again. "And _still_ you can give yourself to him? The man is a monster, Elissa – it's in his blood! It's only a matter of time before he turns as well."

"If there is a monster in our partnership I can assure you it is not Nathaniel," Elissa hissed, eyes narrowed.

They stood for a moment longer inches apart but no longer suppressing the urge to reconnect, instead it was a moment of wonder whether they had ever truly known the other at all.

"I think it is time for you to go." Alistair turned and headed back to the hall door, anxious to get as far away from this moment as he could.

"This is how you want it to be? You want me to walk out of your life in anger?"

"Nothing about this is what I want it to be, but for now – yes. I need to be angry. I need to hate you. Because if I stand here and listen to the words coming out of your mouth any longer I know what will happen, and I just can't go through that again." He looked back at her one last time, backlit in the archway of his balcony door. She was every bit as beautiful as she had been the first time he laid eyes on her, but now that beauty was hidden in a darkness he could no longer break. "I would suggest limiting communication between us to messengers for awhile, unless we cannot avoid otherwise."

Elissa watched him pause a moment longer in his door, looking back at her with a mix of sorrow and anger than made her heart ache, and then he was gone.

* * *

><p>When Elissa walked back into his room at the Warden Enclave, Nathaniel could instantly read the impact of her conversation with the king written on her face. Things had not gone well, though he hadn't expected that they would. If he'd been the one getting the send-off he was pretty certain Elissa had just given, he couldn't see himself reacting well either.<p>

She smiled a tense, joyless smile in his direction but said nothing – moving instead to inspect the contents of her pack and make sure they were ready to leave.

"Did the king get his feelings hurt?" Nathaniel knew it was the wrong thing to say even before the words had left his mouth, but they were out now and he couldn't take them back.

"Please don't make light of this, Nathaniel. Alistair is a _good_ man, regardless of what you might believe, and causing him pain of any kind was not easy for me." Elissa shoved the last of her things into her pack with frustrated fingers, releasing a long sigh of air.

"Are you regretting it then?" Nathaniel fought the urge to groan as he stood, a twinge of pain from his still healing wounds shooting down his side.

Elissa turned quickly at his motion, knowing he shouldn't be straining himself, and saw the doubt crossing his face once again.

"No, Nathaniel." She reached out to touch his face; clean-shaven once again except for the patch of hair he always left beneath his bottom lip. "I've made my choice, and it's you. I do not regret it, merely the pain I had to cause in the making of it."

"Good, because I have no intention of letting you go." He pulled her against him, pressing a kiss against her lips, relieved when he felt no hesitation from her in returning it.


	50. Chapter 50: Before You Walk, You Learn T

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** Not too much longer before we wrap up Book Three and head to Book Four!_

_Muse Music: Always by The Birthday Massacre_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers - and to my wonderful betas **artemiskat** and **Snarkoleptic**. _

_Happy Reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Fifty: Before You Walk, You Learn To Fall<strong>_

"Do you remember the last time we shared this horse?"

Elissa had been reluctant to allow Nathaniel to make the ride back to Amaranthine by himself fearing that the jostling would cause his injuries to reopen somehow. Though he was slightly annoyed at her coddling, especially when Zevran made no attempt to conceal his laughter as Elissa tethered her horse to follow behind them, he soon found himself moving past that and enjoying the journey.

"The last time we shared a horse was barely two weeks ago and hardly something I want to remember, Nathaniel." Elissa had missed his intent, focused as she was on traveling the least bumpy terrain possible.

"I meant _this_ horse. Nocturne." Nathaniel leaned in to speak directly into her ear, making sure that his lips brushed against it and smiling when she shivered slightly against the curve of his body.

"That would be the evening of your arrival in Highever that last summer when you finally decided you were interested in claiming my virtue." She cleared her throat, knowing that thinking too hard about this particular subject could lead to nowhere good while they were still several miles away from The Keep.

"I was _always_ interested in claiming your virtue, Elissa. I simply didn't think you should be so rash in your decision to give it away." He laughed, shifting one of the hands near her waistline forward to spread across her abdomen.

"Rash!" Elissa snorted, rubbing at the bridge of her nose and adjusting her posture to try and create some amount of distance between their bodies. "I made that decision quite a few years before I ever acted upon the impulse, Nathaniel. It was hardly done in a hormone charged flurry."

"How many years, exactly?" Nathaniel remembered Elissa mentioning that she'd saved herself for him but she had never given any details, and he'd been far too shocked at the time to ask.

"Fine." She let out a long-suffering sigh, rolling her eyes when Nathaniel chuckled behind her. "It was at Camilla Roquefort's announcement party. I was stuck in a room with all those dreadful noble girls, all of them nattering on and on about who they planned to give their _flower_ to – insipid doddering fools. Mostly they were focused on Cailan or that fool Ox, but you had admirers of your own."

"Did I now?" He smiled, listening to her fluster.

"Do you want me to answer this or not? Because I am perfectly happy to _stop_ talking."

"I apologize." Nathaniel cleared his throat and tried not to laugh. "Please, continue."

"I decided then and there that if such things could be saved for a specific person, that I would prefer to give mine to you. Of course, shortly after I made that decision you gave me the '_you are an insufferable twit_' speech, so I was pretty sure it would never matter." Elissa shifted in front of him, altering Nocturne's course once again past a particularly rocky span of ground.

"I've apologized for that."

"You have. Can't hurt to hear it again, though. You weren't very nice to me when we were children." She sniffed; feigning irritation that Nathaniel knew wasn't really there.

"Elissa. I barely spoke to anyone outside my family prior to my tenth birthday, and then Father dumps me into the Cousland nest with Fergus and _you_, this boundless well of energy always following us about and hitting me with sticks." He chuckled when he felt her tense at the mention of that memory.

"It was a _sword_."

"It was a _stick_, and it smarted, until I took it away."

"Until you _broke_ it." Elissa snorted again, that bit of her that still remembered her childish fury waking up again and awash in memory. "You were just cross because a little girl could best you in swordplay."

"Sweetheart, I've always been better at swordplay than I've let on. I simply didn't want to bruise your delicate ego." Nathaniel dodged when she swatted back at him, laughing when she then had to scramble to steer Nocturne back onto the road.

"_My_ delicate ego. We'll see about that. As soon as you're better I'll have you out in the training ring. I think you'll find it isn't _my_ ego that needs protection from bruising." She swatted his hands down to settle back at her hips, refocusing herself on the last paces of their journey. "And don't call me sweetheart."

"I can think of far better ways to release some tension than sparring… _sweetheart_." Nathaniel pressed his lips against the back of her neck, relishing in the smell of her and the way she immediately responded.

"You've nearly died, Nathaniel. I think any activity other than lying very still is out of the question." Elissa took in a deep breath, feeling the heat of his hands through her armor as he shifted them up from her hips again. "And if you move your hands any higher or lower than you've already placed them, you're going to have even more injuries to think on."

"Come now. I spent hours being picked over by those healers and everyone agreed everything is in working order."

"I can see now that sharing a horse was a bad idea." She sighed, fighting back a smile when he laughed against her neck but in no way deterred his actions.

"I've rather enjoyed it myself."

"I can tell. And I'm sure you'll also enjoy standing around in the stables until you get that back under control and can walk yourself into The Keep without drawing the attention of half the courtyard." Elissa laughed then, feeling him sigh against her skin and then withdraw slightly to make an effort toward what she had just suggested.

* * *

><p>Elissa had met with Jowan and checked on Varel. She'd retrieved her messages and met with both Wade and Voldrick about progress with repairs and replenishing the armory. She was in the process of putting away her armor and most of the items from their trip when she heard one more knock on her door.<p>

"Yes?" Elissa sighed, trying not to sound irritated – though she wanted nothing more than to finish what she'd been doing and make her way down the hall to Nathaniel's room for the night.

"Elissa. I know it's late. May I come in for a moment? I need your approval to restock the infirmary supplies." Anders hesitated just outside her now half open door and waited for an invitation.

It wasn't that Elissa had been avoiding him, per se, it was more that she knew what had to happen now that she had made her decision to be with Nathaniel – and she dreaded having to cause more injury to the man than she already had.

"Do you think we could go over it tomorrow?" Elissa turned, not thinking about the still visible injuries on her face and body and how Anders would react to them.

"Maker! What happened to you?" Anders dashed over, dropping the parchment he had been holding onto her desk and reaching out to touch her jaw while he looked over her face.

"It's nothing. I'm fine." She shook him off, pacing away to stow a few more items in her vanity and hoping that would be enough to have it drop.

"Nothing? You look as though you've gone several rounds with a large hurlock! I thought this was to be a simple trip with no healer required. What happened?" He knew she was hedging, but the gash on her chest was not something he could ignore.

"There were unforeseen complications—"

"Unforeseen co— Did _Anora_ attack you?" Anders' brow furrowed as he tried to wrap his mind around that as a possibility.

"Maker, no!" Elissa almost laughed at the absurdity of that idea, but there was too much on her mind to make light of anything. "The person behind the assassination attempts finally revealed himself."

"There was another attempt on your life? In Denerim? Could the king not see to your safety?" Anders could hear the frustration building in his voice, but couldn't seem to contain it.

"Alistair was not there when Thomas took us…" Elissa realized her mistake too late. She had never intended to speak of this, but now she'd said the name, and Anders was far too smart to have missed it.

"Thomas? As in Thomas Howe?" He waited for her to correct him, temper continuing to peak as he saw further proof just how dangerous that bloodline was to her. "I thought he was dead."

"He is now." Elissa's reply was quick and cold, and told Anders all he needed to know about what had happened.

"You said _us_… he took _us_… who else did he take?" Anders knew the answer, and knew what it had led to – he could read enough in how hard she tried to avoid his eyes to know that something drastic had changed in the days she was away.

"Nathaniel. It was Nathaniel. He was very nearly killed and I'd really rather not speak of this any longer." She slammed the drawers to her dresser, glancing up at her reflection and seeing the slight shaking of her hands.

"You need to talk about this, Elissa. You need to see the writing on the wall. I am sorry that Nathaniel was injured, but this is the _second_ Howe that has tried to kill you, third if we count the original intentions of Nathaniel himself." Anders watched as Elissa paced away from him, but followed along determined to be heard. "How much longer are you going to ignore what runs in his veins? Until he kills you?"

"Nathaniel would never—" Elissa paused, turning back to Anders and just getting it out. "Nathaniel is _not_ his father. He is _not_ his brother. He is a better man than most seem willing to give him credit for, and I love him, Anders. I'm sorry – but I do."

"It isn't love, Elissa. It's some sick infatuation, but you need to fight it. He will be the end of you, and you deserve better. You deserve someone who fights for the good in you instead of letting you sacrifice everything to darkness." Anders stopped a few feet away from her, wanting nothing more than to reach out but seeing in her posture that was the last thing he should do. "I know I said I couldn't see past what happened… but I was wrong. I love you, Elissa. Let me try—"

"_Maker forgive me_." The words were a whisper, but the look on her face as she turned stopped any further words from leaving his mouth. "Anders. We had our moment, and it was fun while it lasted, but it's over. You filled a need for me, and I appreciate that. But it was never serious."

"You don't mean that." He was shaking, a mix of anger and hurt flooding through him though he tried to ignore them. "I know how you work. You're just trying to upset me so I'll let it go, but it's not going to work. I'm not giving up this time."

"Are you sure you know me?" Elissa smiled, taking a few steps closer to him. "Maybe what you believe is the illusion."

"No. No matter what you pretend, you aren't this cruel." Anders shook his head, trying not to let it get to him when she laughed in response, pacing past him to look out her window.

"That's the thing. I _am_ this cruel. You just don't want to see it. You spend all your time trying to convince yourself that I am separate from The Beast, but the truth is I _am_ The Beast – and you're simply not man enough to handle it." Elissa fought back the urge to cry the tears that welled up as she listened to the things pouring out of her mouth, and schooled her features to hide it as she turned back in his direction. "You're weak, Anders. You allow yourself to be controlled, to be ordered about… it was fun, for a time, but I could never be satisfied with that in the long run."

She could see the toll it was taking on him. All of the confidence she had started to build in him crumbling away the longer she went on. It hurt her every bit as much as it must have been hurting him. Anders was the closest thing to a friend she'd had in a very long time, and now that was all over.

"I should never have taken you into my bed. I will regret that decision as long as I live." It was the only thing out of her mouth she believed, and she wished she could rewind time and take it back – that she could be stronger and rely on her friend instead of taking him as a lover to fill some void she'd cut into her own soul.

"Are we done, _Commander_?"

The cold hiss of the words from his mouth cut into her like a blade, but she knew it was done now. Whatever remnants of emotion he felt for her had been snuffed out like the embers of a fire beneath her boot heel. He would not reach for her again.

"You are dismissed." Elissa watched him go, slamming the door hard in his wake and leaving her free to collapse heaving at the chamber pot in the back corner of the room.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel was reading over the proposed reevaluation of blighted land Varel had left for him when the quick snap of his door opening and closing drew his attention. Elissa stood just inside his door, looking very much like she was uncertain whether she wanted to stay or run, and so he stood to help make her decision.<p>

"Varel came to see me an hour ago, so I know it wasn't his meeting that kept you so late."

"Anders stopped by." That she said nothing more told Nathaniel all he needed to know about how well that had gone.

"I see." Nathaniel paused for a moment to see if she wanted to talk about it, assuming when she said nothing more it was a closed subject for the moment. "Have you eaten? The cook sent up food for me and I couldn't eat it all. It's probably still warm if you—"

"I'm not hungry." Elissa watched him stop mid pace on his way over to the table that held what was left of his dinner.

"Well if you're tired, I can lie down with you. I'm not sure I'll be going to sleep anytime soon but I'll—"

"I'm not tired either." She closed the distance between them, reaching her hands up to cradle his face and drawing him in for a kiss that relayed her intentions very clearly.

"Are you certain this is what you want?" He rushed the words out as she pulled his shirt loose and tugged it over his head, splaying her fingers out over his skin.

"I've just had to cause grievous injury to two people I never wanted to hurt. I've nearly lost you, I've put an old enemy to death and I've—"

"Been tortured and raped by my brother." Nathaniel finished the thought he knew she would hide beneath pretty words and tried not to hedge when she flinched in response.

"I don't want to talk about it. It happened and it's over. It wasn't the first time I've dealt with such things, it was merely the first time someone else was there to witness them." Elissa sighed when Nathaniel's eyes went wide at the idea she'd been put through anything like that before, but pressed on. "I don't want to talk about that either. I just want to be here, with you. I want to feel something other than broken and empty. I need this, Nathaniel. I need you. Can that just be enough for tonight?"

He wanted to argue, to force her to face the things he knew she was suppressing before they poisoned her even more than they already had, but she was there again – in his room – willingly. She wouldn't leave when they were done. She wouldn't deny that they were together once this was over. She was his, once and for all, and he couldn't help but give her what she wanted.

He pressed his mouth against hers; tugging her against his body as they both fought to remove whatever clothing they could reach before falling – a tangle of limbs and sweat tinged skin – against his bed. Nathaniel paced things as slowly as he could manage, not wanting to tax his still healing injuries and also desperate to take more time with the act than he had given the first time around – but an easy exploration of skin and sensation quickly morphed into that insistent passion that always drove them when they were together. Before he knew it, it was over, and Elissa was curled at his side in the darkness – the warmth of her naked skin seeping into his own – reassuring him that she was real, and she was there. He'd take his time in the morning.


	51. Chapter 51: A Game of Chance

_**Disclaimer**: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront! _

_When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale. _

_**A/N:** And this is it - the final chapter in Book Three! Book Four is already in the works and will be up soon, so keep an eye out if you want to follow along :)_

_Thanks to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my betas **artemiskat ** and **Snarkoleptic** who have patiently followed along with me and kept me on track through this wild ride. _

_Happy reading!_

_-Frayed One_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Fifty-One: A Game of Chance<strong>_

_The morning after…_

As Nathaniel awoke, he was distinctly aware of another body in the bed beside him – which was unusual. The truth was, Nathaniel had invited only a handful of women into his bed, and none of them had spent any time there after they'd completed the act that brought them there in the first place. To wake up fighting for the blankets, well, that was something he hadn't done since the days when Elissa would…

_Elissa_… He opened his eyes then, just enough to see that it was in fact Elissa who lay next to him. Most of the sheet was wrapped around her midsection, and she'd taken and rooted – face-down – into two of his pillows. He chuckled, rolling onto his side and watching the growing light of a new dawn dance across the bare skin of her back – lighting the fire of the phoenix's wings. He reached a hand out, drawing his fingers down her warm skin to reassure himself that he wasn't dreaming.

In the blink of an eye that moment was over, and he found himself looking down at a wild eyed Elissa, his wrist in one hand and his throat in the other. He gave her a moment to adjust, to realize who he was and that he was no threat, until finally she relaxed her holds and let him go.

"You know, all the times I've fantasized about waking up with you naked in my bed, you've never once choked me." Nathaniel smirked down at her, leaning his head against one hand and reaching the other over to rest against her stomach. "And your hair never looked quite so much like a wilding."

"Funny." Elissa snorted, falling back in the bed and brushing her curls back with a half-stretch. "I didn't mean to attack you, I'm just used to waking up first and—"

"And you're about as used to sharing your bed as I am?" He waited for her to acknowledge what he'd said, but she showed no sign of doing so – so he just continued. "It's alright. If you'd actually hurt or offended me I'd imagine we'd still be brawling at the moment."

"Perhaps we should?" She grinned at him, that spark of mischief in her eyes that always seemed to surface when they were together. "I haven't sparred in days. I could use a good brawl."

"Ah, but sparring requires clothing… and armor… and I'm rather enjoying the lack of those things at the moment." With each word Nathaniel trailed more of the sheet down her body, exposing her bare breasts and leaning down to take one of her nipples into his mouth to graze it with his teeth – smiling against her skin at the quick intake of breath. "Do you remember that summer in Highever? The one that was so dreadfully hot?"

"Your idea of pillow talk is quite odd. You know that, right?" Elissa moaned when he reached up to cup her other breast as the vibration of his laughter transferred into the other. "But yes, I do remember. I think we lived at the lagoon that summer. Fergus even talked Nan into having our lunches sent down, though I'll never know how he managed that one."

"I'd forgotten that, but she did, didn't she?" He laughed again, pushing up on an elbow and continuing to trace slow patterns across her chest with his fingers. "I spent that entire summer fixated on getting a look at these."

"At what? My breasts?" She snorted, having a difficult time imagining Nathaniel in their youth ever having done such a thing. "I think I'd have noticed that, and likely encouraged it. You were far too much of a gentleman back then for my tastes."

"Oh, I assure you, I'm speaking the truth. Why do you think I spent so much time _in_ the water? It was hot, Elissa, but it wasn't _that_ hot." Nathaniel laughed at the slight widening of her eyes when she realized what he was saying. "And I was a gentleman because that's how I was raised. You were young and inexperienced and we were not yet testing those boundaries. What would you have had me do? Drag you off to some secluded corner and pry off your top?"

"That certainly would have gotten my attention."

"Quite a bit more than your attention, I'd wager." He smiled again, trailing his hand down her abdomen to disappear beneath the sheet at her waist and smiling when her breath hitched again as he found what he was looking for. "And just talking about it seems to have worked exactly as I intended, so I'd say my pillow talk works perfectly fine."

"You're so bloody arrogant." The tension in her jaw showed how hard she was trying to play up the irritation, but the breathy quality of her voice gave everything away.

"Is that a complaint? I can always stop…" He slid a finger forward, listening to the moan she couldn't control when he slipped inside her, and watching the quick twitch of her thighs as they parted to give him better access. "I'll take that as a no."

Elissa leaned up several times in an attempt to kiss him, but Nathaniel dodged – wanting simply to watch her face while he teased her into a frenzy. The increasingly frantic pace of her moaning and the rapid rise and fall of her chest nearly did him in when he joined a second finger with the first, and he shifted himself above her when she finally managed to take his mouth against her own.

He was two seconds from penetration when a brusque knock sounded at his door, "Bloody… Just ignore it…"

For a moment she did, digging her nails into his biceps as he sucked at her neck, but then a voice called out and Nathaniel felt any hope he had of finishing fade.

"C-commander?" The slightly mousy voice shook, obviously not wanting to be there at the moment any more than either of them wanted to hear it.

"How did she even know where to find me?" Elissa huffed, waiting for Nathaniel to move enough that she could start to get up.

"You aren't exactly quiet, Elissa." Nathaniel chuckled, watching the narrow of her eyes in response.

"Neither are you!" she snipped, yanking the entire sheet off the bed and wrapping herself in it before heading toward the door.

"Hey!" Nathaniel scrambled for a moment, reaching out and missing the trailing end of the sheet. "Elissa, don't you dare open that door!"

"I suggest you grab a pillow, darling." Elissa winked at him, a slight chuckle when she heard him scrambling for a pillow as she drew open the door.

"Commander, I-I'm sorry to wake you, I-I…" The blonde's words trailed off as she looked past Elissa and caught a glimpse of Nathaniel, and Elissa fought the urge to laugh when she turned six new shades of red before diverting her eyes. "Oh d-dear, um… I'll just give you this and go then."

Elissa took the missive and closed the door, not bothering to hide her smile as she strolled back over to the bed with it.

"Thanks for that." Nathaniel folded his arms across his chest, all of the good tension he'd worked up slowly replacing itself with bad.

"Oh, come now. You've just made that young woman's week, at least. That sort of thing can fuel a woman's fantasies for quite some time. Trust me, it certainly fueled mine." She winked at him again, watching some of the irritation ease back out of him with the knowledge that she'd spent just as much time thinking of him as he had of her.

"What's so important that your messengers are showing up at my door before the sun's even fully in the sky?" Nathaniel shifted closer to her side, trying to get a look at the parchment she was reading.

"It's the bloody First Warden. He'd like me to come to Weisshaupt to address 'concerns with regard to the emerging threat of intelligent darkspawn' as well as my 'confusing choice of second'." Elissa rubbed at the bridge of her nose, feeling the real world encroaching on her brief pocket of contentment once again, and allowed Nathaniel to draw the missive from her fingers and scan it himself.

"If he wants to see us, then we go." Nathaniel shrugged his shoulders, attempting to take a bit of the severity out of the news. "And if my being your lieutenant is such cause for alarm, then I won't be. It's as simple as that."

"No. This is my choice, Nathaniel. You are the best person for the job, you know it and I know it, and they will too." Elissa turned to hold his eyes. "And if they don't accept my choice, then they don't get me either. I'm fairly certain once _that_ becomes clear they'll accept whatever I have to say. Well… either that or throw me in some cell beneath the fortress."

"You don't actually think that's a possibility?" He watched her brief laughter, but it was short lived when she saw that the concern in his eyes was real.

"There's no way to know. I _shouldn't_ have survived the battle with the Archdemon. Alistair and I dodged that as best we could, but I've never been brought in to answer for it… and now with all the fall out from The Mother… I can't say what they'll do if I don't pass whatever test it is I'm certain I'm being called to submit myself to." She could tell that her words were doing nothing to soothe him, but she couldn't deceive him about the very real danger in going to Weisshaupt. "If I do fail the test, I'll likely be imprisoned or killed – and if those things happen, then _you_ have to come back without me."

"What? Do you honestly expect me to—"

"I honestly expect you to follow orders. This war is not over, it's only begun. The Wardens in Ferelden will need a leader, and if I should fall, for whatever reason, that leader is you." He started to mutter again, but Elissa reached forward and covered his mouth with her fingers, flipping a leg over his and settling into his lap. "I don't want to fight, Nathaniel. I knew this day would come, and now it has. We will leave tomorrow, we can argue then. For now – I think you should finish what you started."

"Do you?" Nathaniel smiled as she drew the pillow out from between them and reached down to find that the interruption and mild irritation had done little to divert his earlier intentions.

"I do." She leaned in to kiss him, enjoying the feeling of his fingers sinking into her bare hips as he guided her down to settle fully on the length of him.

He wound his fingers into her hair as she started to move, pressing kiss after kiss against her mouth and trying to push aside the dread of Weisshaupt long enough to enjoy the day.

* * *

><p><em>The day after…<em>

Nathaniel was prepping the horses when Anders found Elissa standing just outside the stables. She'd crouched down next to their packs, going over the things they'd need one last time before they departed for Jader where they'd booked passage on a ship to Val Royeaux.

"Leaving for your honeymoon already? Funny, I don't recall being invited to a wedding." Anders looked for any sign that he'd hit a nerve as she flicked her eyes up in his direction, but saw nothing but the mild irritation that came – he assumed – from having to speak to him at all.

"I'd hardly call a summons to Weisshaupt a honeymoon." Elissa snorted, standing and pacing close enough to address whatever it was that had brought him out in search of her. "What can I do for you, Anders?"

"Just wondering if I have any standing orders while you're away. I seem to have lost my invitation to your briefings in the post."

"There were no briefings… honestly, Anders…" She rubbed at her forehead, sighing, and then continued. "I spoke with Varel and I spoke with Jowan. You run your clinic just fine without my intervention and you're better about keeping your supplies up than I have ever been. If there had been a need for standing orders, I would have given them. As it is, if that changes, Jowan will speak with you."

"_Jowan_? You've left Jowan in charge." Anders laughed bitterly, shaking his head and pacing a few steps away. "So _he's_ your new pet? How does Howe feel about that? Or is that part of your twisted relationship, him getting to watch other men take you to bed – like some sort of sick foreplay?"

His insinuation hit far too close to her still haunted memories of Thomas and the Denerim basement, and she snapped like a wounded animal back in his direction. "I think it's fairly safe to say I've had the one and only mage I ever will."

They stood there a moment longer, glaring in silence, both realizing this is who they are now – broken and damaged and just looking to do more as though that would somehow make it better, make it easier to ignore just what it was they'd both lost in the end.

"I put Jowan in charge because he has proven he can be. He held the forces here at The Keep when Varel fell. It was not a slight in your direction, Anders. Not everything is about you and this nonsense—"

"Nonsense? Well, that certainly says everything, doesn't it?" Anders' laughter was cold as he turned to go. "And I'm well aware that not everything is about _me_, Elissa. I'm fairly certain none of this ever was."

Nathaniel emerged from the stables as he stalked off up the hill, dusting off his hands and coming to a stop at Elissa's side. He watched her eyes trail after him, and felt the brief pulse of remorse before she shoved it down where he could no longer sense it.

"It _will_ get better." He sincerely meant the words, but the look on her face as she turned to retrieve their packs told him he should never have said them.

"Tell me, Nathaniel – when we were apart, when you were certain there was no hope that we would be together again – did it ever _get better_ for you?" She held his eyes for a moment, reading the answer easily without his ever saying a word. "Do me a favor, do not speak reassurances you can't even believe for yourself."

She stalked off to the stable, leaving Nathaniel to grab their packs and pursue her with a sigh. This promised to be an exceptionally long journey.

* * *

><p><em>Two weeks after…<em>

Anders was sitting with Pounce back in a far corner of the lower courtyard when Justice found him, or rather when the smell of Justice found him. It seemed to travel far ahead of the corpse bound spirit these days – counting down his time among them like tick marks on a prison wall.

"Not really looking for company," Anders groused, scratching lightly at Pounce's head and watching him dash off after a leaf.

He'd tried the company route once in the week following Elissa's departure for Weisshaupt, thinking that perhaps he could find some sort of kindred spirit in Nathaniel's sister Delilah who had moved into one of the cottages a few days after her brother had left.

Anders saw to her care as she was reaching the end of her pregnancy, and as they shared – if nothing else – a strong distaste for Elissa at the moment, he'd thought that perhaps he'd found someone to talk to. But though Delilah certainly shared his ill will toward the Warden-Commander, she had no desire to discuss it with him or anyone she deemed loyal to Elissa – feeling they were likely planted there looking for any reason to send her packing back to Amaranthine as soon as possible.

"I suspect you are not looking for anything that would appear beyond that patch of ground at your feet," Justice replied, the pop and creak of his joints pulling a cringe out of Anders as he sat on the bench beside him.

"It wasn't literal. It just means 'go away, I don't want to talk to you'. Now that you know that, could you _do_ it?" Anders waited for him to move again, but he didn't, drawing a sigh out as he realized that if the spirit was staying – a lecture must lie on the horizon.

"You should not mire yourself in this useless negativity. There are much better uses for your time and energy than continuing to dwell on someone who no longer has need of you." Justice recognized the flare of temper in the mage's eyes as Anders turned in his direction, but didn't understand what he'd done to provoke it.

"Yes, Justice – please _do_ rub some more salt in that wound. That will certainly motivate me to do whatever it is you think I _should_ be doing with my time and energy."

"I have upset you, and that was not my intention." The spirit followed the tense, angry movements of the mage's body with his cloudy eyes, attempting to think over his words more carefully – though what triggered a particular human emotional response was a riddle to him.

"For something that isn't your intention, you certainly seem to do it a lot." Anders snipped, glaring over at the rotting body of his companion briefly before turning his attention back to Pounce. "Whatever you came here to say, can you just get it out already? Like I said, I'm really not looking for conversation."

"I have watched you losing focus over these past days, and I found it to be… bothersome would be your word, I suppose." Justice watched the frustration in Anders' eyes fade slowly as curiosity seeped in. "Someone with your mind, with your talents, should not be losing themselves to whatever this is that has dragged you down. You should be—"

"Let me guess…" Anders laughed, standing up and walking over to tug a long stick off the ground and drag it at his feet for Pounce to chase. "Someone like me should be '_devoting myself to the plight of my people'_."

"Yes. Have you never given it thought? Has it never crossed your mind how much good you could do?" Justice paced himself, he'd learned from pursuing this line of conversation in the past that Anders tended to react poorly when pushed too hard. "The Commander is spread too thin already. To fight a battle on so many fronts is to lose before it is begun. The mages will need a champion of their own."

"And you think that champion is _me_?" Anders turned back to him, eyes wide when Justice made no move to deny him. "I'm one man, Justice. _One_. I could barely walk back into that tower without El— One man against centuries of depravity you cannot even imagine. It would be like throwing a pebble at a mountain."

"Yes, but a pebble aimed carefully - a pebble thrown with the correct amount of force - can start an avalanche." The spirit paused, seeing Anders' mind struggling to understand his meaning. "It always starts with one. It is one that begins a revolution."

"Your time among the lesser beings of Thedas has finally driven you mad, Justice," Anders snorted, pacing once again.

"In the Blackmarsh, the Commander was dying. You were drained and there was no hope. I used my power to fuel your abilities." Justice watched his pacing slow, and finally stop.

"Are you suggesting what I _think_ you're suggesting?"

"My time here is growing short. This body is failing, and when it does… when it does I shall simply cease to be." The spirit's corporeal shoulders popped when he attempted to mimic the gesture he'd watched humans use thousands of time to illicit a sympathetic reaction. "I have done very little good in my time here. The Commander has kept me hidden, and though I understand her reasons, I feel the need to right some of the wrongs of this world before I am forced to leave it."

"And you want me to, what? _Merge_ with you? Give you a vessel from which to do this work?" Anders' eyes narrowed in Justice's direction, having heard the manipulative whispers of demons _and_ humans one too many times to simply trust blindly.

"It would be unjust of me to ever suggest such a thing." Justice shook his head, standing as quickly as his brittle body could manage. "But if the cause is righteous and the vessel is willing… I would consider such an arrangement."

Anders watched the slow, hesitant movements as Justice maneuvered his current vessel back down the path toward The Keep. It was obvious he would not last longer, and he wondered if there was a part of the spirit that understood the concept of fear enough that he held dread for the end so fast approaching.

"Justice." He watched Kristoff's body turn back in his direction, swallowing and then making his choice. "I am willing."

"Then there is much to discuss." Justice walked back to the secluded corner, and for a moment – right before his features disappeared again into afternoon shadow – Anders was certain he saw the brief flash of a smile.


End file.
